04x10 - Fortune Feller/No Escape

[bunniefuu]

[♪ theme music playing]

♪ One, two
One, two three, four ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la ♪

♪ Nana nana nana nana nana ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la ♪

[Tilly] Wow. Wait.

The Smalton Fair.

An ode to the ballyhoo of yesteryear.

I don't know where to start.

I do. Hey, you!

Give me a funnel cake and keep 'em coming.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I came here to do one thing

and one thing only,

and that's ride...

the Snortin' Donkey's Leap.

They say it produces the same G-force

as being hit by a midsize sedan.

So, if you'll excuse me.

[man] You there!

Do you wish to know your fate?

I am Zalmar, the all-knowing.

Allow me to tell you your fortune.

Hey, look, it's one of those old timey

fortune telling machines.

Today, you shall win a prize.

Well, what do you know?

I was headed to play some carnival games,

- so that checks out.
- [all exclaim]

My turn. My turn.

You shall discover something new.

Come one, come, y'all,

and see amazing creatures
you've never seen before.

[gasps] Exotic animals?

That is new.

One side, Tilly.

Crickey want a fortu-ey.

So, you wish for adventure
or something grand.

On this day, you will be slapped

by a stinky little hand!

What?

As fate approaches,

there will be many signs.

Your time is nigh.

I... I... I... [machine shutting down]

That was oddly specific.

Well, everyone have fun.

Weird.

Yeah, I won't think about it.

It's probably fine.

But it did seem to know Mom
and Tilly's fortune.

Does that mean mine will come true, too?

Gah. No, no.

I just got to relax
and focus on riding... [gasps]

The Snortin' Donkey's Leap.

[squeals excitedly]

But, how am I supposed to enjoy myself

knowing I'm gonna get slapped by a...

Ahhh! Sticky hand.

Jeez, boy.

I'm just gonna offer you some funnel cake.

Mullets on mudbugs.

That fortune teller is
starting to make me feel paranoid.

I wanted donkey themed thrills today,

not scary thrills.

I have to do something to change my fate.

There will be no stink slap on my watch.

All right. Dinner and a show.

Good evening, folks.

I'm Elrod, the beast tamer,

and I have some mighty special animals

to show y'all today.

First up is one of my personal favorites,

Arthur, the ferocious!

[growls]

[all exclaiming]

What a beautiful reptile.

As an alligator,

he's one of the toughest
creatures on the planet.

But you know what animal is even tougher?

Me! Yeah!

[grunting]

[all cheering]

I can't watch.

Oh, don't worry, Tilly. He's a pro.

That man is in no danger.

Of course not.

- He is the danger.
- [screams]

[Tilly] Just look at that poor alligator.

I'm not standing for this.

Hmm. Now what can I win for the kiddos?

Ooh. Can't go wrong with America wrapped.

Hey, carnie, dart me.

Sure thing, Nance.

What? Dad!

What are you doing here?

What? I can't get a job
and earn some honest cash?

You can play, but I gotta warn you,

this game's pretty tough.

Oh, yeah?

[balloons burst]

Hey, you're pretty good.

Lots of practice at biker joints.

Well, to win that America Rat,

you just gotta pop one more balloon.

It shouldn't be too tough
for an expert like you.

Hmm.

Oh. So close.

What? [scoffs]

So, how'd you rig this one, Dad?

Rig? Nancy, I am hurt.

You just made a lousy shot.

You know what? Forget it.

I know all your tricks,

and I'll figure this one out soon enough.

Zalmar said I'll be smacked
by a stinky hand, right?

So, I gathered up
every smelly little thing

this fair has to offer.

Not a stinky hand in sight.

Love the initiative, kiddo.

Yes, sir. I'm taking my fate
into my own non-stinky hands.

What do you think of that, Universe?

Man, this cotton candy is stinking good.

It really slaps.

What?

[people screaming]

Stinking hunk of junk.

I ought to give it a good slap.

Ahhh!

As fate approaches,

there will be many signs...

Signs, signs.

Your time is nigh.

Oh, man. He did say all that.

That must mean the slap is still on!

[groans]

Wow. I mean, I've taken on
my share of garden gophers,

but an alligator!

Now, that's some critter wrangling.

Right, sweetie?

- Sweetie?
- [Elrod screaming]

Why don't you pick on your own species?

- [Elrod screaming]
- Tilly, get off that man!

Only if Mr. Elrod

ceases all alligator wrestling activities.

What? No way!

So be it.

[grunts]

I said yield.

Hmm.

Oh! Too bad.

Okay. Is it the darts?

Must be the balloon.

[grunts] What did you do?

I just made another five bucks.

- [groans]
- [chuckles]

Why do you need my slipper again?

Because, Gramma,

if I can't stop my fortune
from coming true,

then maybe I can take control

and steer it in a gentler direction.

Hey, little boy,

wanna give me a slap with this slipper?

Be gone. [screams]

Wait.

Sir, madam,

would you mind taking this smelly slipper

and gently pummeling my cheek?

- Huh. Oh.
- [exclaims]

Oh, come on.

- Doesn't anyone want to slap a little boy?
- [water splashes]

- [Ernie] Oh, Mayor Beans.
- Huh?

I knew we shouldn't have done
the dunk tank together.

Now you've got that awful wet dog smell.

But I still love you.

Who's a stinky Mayor?

You are.

Stinky, stinky Mayor.

Mr. Ernie.

Oh, Cricket.

Slap me.

Uh, beg your pardon?

I can't ride the Donkey's Leap
until you slap me.

Now, do it!

I... I don't think
I can fulfill your request.

Oh, yes, you can. Get back here!

Please, I won't slap a small child.

Come on, Ernie.

Just a little tap.

- Whoa.
- Yeah. Come on.

Get over here and slap me.

[both scream]

[thudding]

[exploding]

Whoa!

Who turned the lights out?

Argh. [screams] Whoa.

[creature growling]

[people screaming]

[growls]

Get back here.

[both groaning]

I lost them. Where'd Slappers run off to?

What? Slap who?

My bush baby.

They're one of the few animals
that have hands.

It's true.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[Cricket] Stink slap?

Oh, no.

How's the fortune fight going, boy?

Bad. Real bad.

The one thing I wanted to do today

was ride that ride,

and now I can't.

Because if I do,

a bush baby's gonna stink slap me.

That's life, Cricket. Look at me.

The power outage k*lled
all the fryer equipment,

so I resorted to eating
raw funnel cake dough.

Even though it supposedly
will make me "violently ill."

You can't be so worried
about the bad stuff

that you stop enjoying the good stuff.

You're right.

I know what I gotta do.

- Thanks, Gramma.
- [stomach growling]

Boo. My guts are going nuts.

Na. Nothing a little raw dough can't fix.

Oh. Just one dart left.

- [metal jingling]
- Huh?

My zipper.

[gasps] Hm.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Huh?

[groans]

[balloon bursts]

[groans] You figured it out.

No wonder the darts were flying so funny.

Gotta admit, that's pretty clever, Dad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well,
don't spread it around, okay?

[groans]

Tilly, please.

- Let Elrod go.
- I can't.

If I do, he'll keep hurting the alligator.

What? I'd never hurt Arthur.

I love him. He's my snappy baby boy.

But, you were exerting your might

upon the animal just moments ago.

Well, the truth is,

me and Arthur ain't really wrestling.

- You're not?
- It's all for show.

[screams] Gator food ain't cheap,

so we fake it to pay the bills.

Honestly, I like to think of our wrestling

as giving Arthur a big old hug.

[growls]

I understand now.

After all, what is a grapple

if not an enthusiastic embrace?

Let me tell ya,

you're pretty good at wrestling, kid.

Mister, you might just have
a future gator hugger on your hands.

Well, I don't know about...

- What? No, child.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

- You're not trained.
- [Arthur growling]

Fortune be darned.

I'm coming for you, Donkey's Leap.

Dweezil, I know there's
a tiny, stinking critter lurking around,

but I don't care.

I'm going on that ride.

Don't matter to Dweezil.

Yes! [laughs]

Hmm.

It seems like the coast is clear.

All right, leap me.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Oh, my gosh.

This is awesome!

Yeah!

- [Slappers growling]
- Huh?

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[screams]

We meet at last, stinky hand.

You've kept me from riding
the Donkey's Leap all day,

but I'm not afraid anymore.

Go ahead, Slappers.

Do your wor... Argh.

Ha. That wasn't so... Argh.

[Slappers growling and shrieking]

[Cricket laughing]

Yeah. I'm doing it!

- [Cricket laughing]
- [all panting]

[Bill] There they are.

- Slappers!
- Cricket.

Yeah...

Oh, come on home, little guy.

Cricket, you got slapped.

Quite a lot.

Just like Zalmar said.

But I rode the heck out of this ride.

[thuds]

You good, boy?

Yeah. Never better.

But I gotta say,
all this has got me thinking.

Is fate real,

or did all this stuff
just happen 'cause I freaked out

and caused my own fortune to come true?

Does free will even exist?

Beats me.

But what I do know is
I ate a lot of funnel cake.

[stomach growls] Ooh. Ugh.

Wait, Gramma. No, no, no!

Escape room, escape room,
escape room, escape room.

Remind me again why we're paying someone

to lock us in a room?

'Cause it's fun.

We look for clues and solve puzzles,

all in an effort to escape
before our time is up.

Now, come on, come on, come on.

Let's get to work
finding those clues. Yeah.

Whatever this escape room
has in store for us,

I'm sure we can handle it.

♪ When we're together on an adventure ♪

♪ The Greens can do anything ♪

Dad, stop trying
to make that song a thing.

It's not a thing.

[all] ♪ Anything! ♪

Yeah. [groans]

Well, hello.

You must be the Greens.

- Welcome to the Croblins...
- [Croblins laughing]

...Halloween Escape Room experience.

Ooh, Croblins.

What a relief!

I was worried this escape room
was going to be scary.

The room is difficult, though.

The fastest a group has ever escaped

was with two minutes to spare.

Mark my words, lobby Crob,

we're about to set a new record.

See, I already found a clue.

The lobby is not part
of the game.

Sure, it's not. [chuckles]

Before we begin,

I'll need you to sign this waiver,

should anything happen
due to your advanced age.

[grunts] Don't coddle me, boy.

I don't feel old, so I ain't.

[phone ringing]

Exsqueeze me for a moment.

Big City escape rooms.

Oh, hi, honey.

No, I'll be here for a while.

A family just arrived,

- and it might take them a while to escape.
- [groans]

They look really dumb.

What? Did that Croblin just call us dumb?

All right, Greens.

You're up.

- Head on in.
- [all exclaiming]

[all exclaiming]

[Croblin] Coo-coo kaboo!

And welcome to the Croblinville

house of horrors.

Horrors?

Oh, no, this is gonna be spooky.

How do you escape an inescapable room?

You have 60 minutes to find out.

[ominous voice] Or be trapped forever.

[all screaming]

[timer beeps]

Hey, y'all get a hold of yourselves.

We've got a mission.

That lobby bozo thinks we're dumb.

So, let's prove him wrong

by escaping faster than anyone
has ever escaped before.

Now, let's spread out and look for clues.

Hey, there's a lock over here.

Something in my genius brain
is telling me it needs a key.

Anyone find a key?

- This place is amazing.
- Happy thoughts.

- I can't believe that guy thinks I'm old.
- Happy thoughts.

- I'm spry as heck!
- [Bill whimpers]

Oh, boy.

This is gonna be a little
tougher than I thought,

but nothing's gonna keep us
from sweet, sweet freedom.

[man laughing maniacally]

Just as planned.

They all have their weaknesses.

- The grandmother...
- [grunts]

...with her age insecurities...

This thing's on the fritz.

I don't need it anyway.

- [Chip] The father...
- [trembling in fear]

...afraid of his own shadow.

- Oh, hello.
- [explodes]

[screams] Is that Croblin blood?

Ooh.

[Chip] And the daughter...

In order to escape a Croblin room,

I must become a Croblin.

...with her inability

to turn down a role playing opportunity...

Oh, how serendipitous!

This will allow me to fully
lose myself in character.

- ...which leaves us...
- [Cricket groans]

...the boy.

I'll prove I'm the puzzle master

- and not some dummy.
- [metal clanking]

Just gotta find a clue.

Hoo hoo!

He is really enraged by
that fake phone call I made.

[Chip] Which only draws him closer

to dooming his family forever.

- [laughs]
- [timer beeps]

We've only got 45 minutes left?

We haven't even cracked the first puzzle.

Huh. Think, Cricket. Think.

[panting]

- [screeches]
- [gasps]

[continues panting]

Come on, crabgoyle. Give me something.

[grunts]

Ooh.

[ghosts] Ooh!

Ah!

I bet these pegs go into those holes.

Okay, family, everyone get a peg and...

Could an old person do this?

- [bones crack]
- [screams]

Ah. Ah. [screams]

I'm Bostrand.

Just a humble, crumbling cobbler.

Hmm, okay.

Looks like Cricket's going in alone.

[grunts] Almost there!

[strains] Yeah.

Bingo, bango... Ahhh! [thuds] Oh.

- [all gasp] Cricket?
- Ow.

Are you okay, brother?

We could've helped you out, son.

Oh, I'm good.

It was a little harder
than it could've been,

but whatever, it's fine.

Now, let's go. We're losing time.

"We could've helped you, Cricket."

Yeah. Give me a break.

- Then where were you?
- Did you say something?

Nope, I got it.

- [door creaking]
- Hurray. We escaped.

Huh? More doors!

Looks like we'll have to split up.

Uh. I don't like the sound of that.

- What do you think, Ma?
- What?

Cricket, I know you wanna beat the clock,

but maybe we should stick together.

Like Papa's song says,

"When we're together, we can do anything."

You know, you've been
singing that a lot today,

but y'all seem a little distracted.

So, maybe it's best
we go our separate ways.

Divide and conquer and all that.

- [Bill and Gramma] Okay.
- I guess so.

- Huh.
- [gasps]

- Huh?
- Huh?

A replica of our house?

Everything's all weird.

Hey, the door's locked.

What the heck is going on here?

[laughs evilly] Me.

[ominous voice] I'm the heck
that's going on here.

Ahem. Ah. [regular voice] Mmm, finally.

Got that frog out of my throat.

Oh, you should go back

to the deep, raspy voice, Chip.

It sounded way cooler.

Mmm.

No secret buttons?

No real windows or drawers.

Everything's fake.

What is this sick, twisted prison?

There ain't even any actual clues.

[Croblin] I've got a clue.

[screams]

- Hello, Green family?
- [screams]

Oh, a fellow Croblin.

Nice to meet ya.

[Chip] No touching the puppet.

You messed with the wrong Gramma.

- [groans, grunts]
- [Chip] No lunging at the puppet.

- [groans]
- Jeez Louise.

It should be clear to you by now.

But no matter how many puzzles you solve,

there is no escape.

This isn't what we signed up for.

Please let us out.

Hmm. Okay.

Let's play a little game, shall we?

In each of your rooms,
there's a red button.

- The first person to press it...
- Hmm.

...will gain their freedom.

But once a button is pressed,

the doors of the other rooms
will be locked forever.

So the question is,

who's selfish enough to do it?

Betray my family?

I can't do that.

No matter how scary this is.

I'd rather admit that I'm getting old.

The Greens always stick together.

There is no conceivable universe

where one of us would push that button...

- [buzzer sounds]
- Huh?

[Chip] Ooh, you sure about that?

- [buzzer sounds]
- [Cricket laughs]

- [Gramma and Bill] Hey.
- Cricket.

Hooray! I made it out.

Wait, that's not me.

I mean, it looks like me,

but how?

Thank you for your services.

[scoffs] I hate non-union gigs.

Oh, you faked the video.

I mean... [imitates expl*si*n]

Like, wow!

I thought I raised him better.

You did.

I can't believe he left us to rot!

I would never do that.

I know he was frustrated with us,

but not enough to betray us.

Tilly, no.

Guys, I'm here.

I didn't mean to abandon them.

[Chip] Oh, but you did.

And you wanted to. Admit it!

No. No! [screams] Evil Cricket!

[Chip] Your family already thinks

you hit the button,

so maybe you should.

Then at least you could escape.

You're gonna let 'em go?

Wholesome Greg, don't be so naive.

No, I want to keep them
trapped here forever.

But I want Cricket
to press that button for real.

I want him to live with the guilt

of knowing that he turned on his family.

That would be a million times worse

than anything I could do to him.

Plus, that button actually releases

a hundred snakes into the room.

Wow, you've gone full supervillain, Chip.

I know.

[Chip] Think about
all the adventures you'll have

without your family holding you back.

You can do anything.

[gasps] Anything?

He's gonna do it.

You're right, big, creepy puppet,

I can do anything

when I'm with my family.

Yes. Wait, what?

Hey, y'all, let's not
reflect on our actions

and just make with the being selfish

and getting out of here alone.

No way. I'm gonna do whatever it takes

to get us all out of here.

And that starts with taking care of you.

[Chip] Hey, quit that.

The Greens are still gonna
escape this escape room.

[Chip] Why is everyone
disrespecting the puppet?

[groans] Yeah.

Wow.

Hmm.

[Chip] Get down here.

No. No.

No! No! No!

- Whoa!
- Ah. [thuds]

[groans in pain]

[gargles] Huh?

A bigger chip!

All right, family.

I'm coming for you.

♪ When we're together ♪

♪ In an escape room ♪

♪ Greens can do ♪

Huh? Anything?

- Huh?
- Hey, Dad.

Cricket? I thought you left us.

No, sir.

Hey, solve this puzzle
to escape your room.

Who's easily frightened
and yet the bravest man I know?

Is it me?

Mmm-hmm.

[both singing] ♪ When we're together ♪

♪ On an adventure ♪

- Gramma.
- Huh?

Who gets older in age

but younger in spirit every day?

Me. That's who. Ya!

[all singing] ♪ No matter the weather ♪

Tilly, who gets lost in characters,

but always knows exactly who they are?

Hmm.

- And has black hair.
- Oh! Me.

Ha ha. Oh, it's me.

[groans]

Y'all, I just want to say,

I'm sorry for forcing us to separate.

When we're together...

♪ We really can do... ♪

[all] ♪ Anything ♪

[all scream]

- [Gramma groans]
- Glad to be with y'all again.

[all groaning]

We're back in the lobby?

[gasps] We escaped
with over two minutes left.

We beat the record!

Take that, escape room overlords.

Come to think of it,

who would do such a thing?

- [thudding]
- [all] Huh?

It looks like they got away.

Well, whoever it was,

they sure gave us a Halloween scare.

[all laughing]

[Chip laughing]

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
and scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters in seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow I'll do it all again ♪