05x03 - Metal Heads/Potted Meat

[bunniefuu]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to my stream.

Today I'm speed running
a game called Meatball Chase.

I love this guy.

There's just something
so relaxing

about watching a stream.

Oh, my gosh, Chat. Oh, no!
Help me! Help me! Help me!

- [both sigh]
- Meatball's chasing me!

What's this malarkey?

This is what kids
watch these days?

Gramma, you're blocking
the TV.

[Tilly] Yeah, out of the way.

And you two.

Ain't y'all just a picture
of modern comfort.

Look at you with your USB fans
and your juice patches.

[slurping]

And your memory foam pillows!

I need a cushy for my tushy.

When I was your age,
the only cushies my tushy had

were spoiled watermelons!

Okay.

You don't even play
your own video games!

It's like, what's the point of watching
someone else have fun

when you can be...
Oh, come on!

And we didn't have these [mumbles]
fancy remotes, neither!

We had to get up
and turn the knob ourselves!

[both screaming] No!

Hot cross buns, Gramma!
We can't take this anymore!

You've been plaguing us with tales of
destitution our whole lives.

[laughing] Whee! [laughing]

Well, well, well.

Must be nice
to have a playground.

Of course, back in my day,
we just had ground!

Well, it's true!

Y'all wouldn't
have survived back then.

Tilly calls hogwash.

We would have done just fine
in your dinosaur days.

Couldn't have been that bad.

Well, corn my hash.

They really think they could survive
my childhood?

[chuckles]

Unfortunately for you,
Gramma has time today.

Thank you. Come again soon.

Howdy, Gloria.
I'll have one cup of java.

Are you okay?

Java?

Ain't that
what fancy people call it?

Not even close.

Oh, darn it. I'm trying to brush up
on my lingo

before heading over
to Bougerly Hills.

Bougerly Hills?

Yeah. I finally got a booth
at their farmer's market!

I hear folks over there
pay top dollar for produce.

Wish me luck...

Fam.

- You?
- Yep.

- Bill Green?
- Yep.

You're going
to Bougerly Hills?

Yeah?

Bougerly Hills
is a whole different world.

People there embody style
and glamor, and you...

- [clucks]
- ...don't.

Aw, geez.

This is a big opportunity
for me, Gloria.

I can't blow it!
You gotta come with me.

Show me how to rizz up
those coolios.

Ugh, no. That's actually
not a bad idea.

I'll go with you, but I get to sell
my coffee there.

Sure. Who doesn't love
some veggies

with a hot cup of jav?

Ugh. Don't ever
say that again.

All right, I got one
mega smoothie for Tilly.

And don't skip
on the cacao nibs.

Aw sh**t, guess that squirrel finally
bit through the power line.

[Gramma Alice]
Oh, it's no squirrel.

Since you kids think
you're so tough,

I made some changes for y'all.

I put things back to how they were
when I was a kid.

What's all this junk?

Welcome to the new,
old living room!

I'll give you the tour!

Over here, we got
the lead burning furnace.

Watch your eyebrows!

And who needs furniture

when you've got
an old tree stump

and a pile
of rotting apple crates?

The termites
are complimentary.

Now, the kitchen.

Refrigerator? Phooey!

Who needs it
when you got plenty of this?

Potted meat!

It never goes bad
because it never was good.

Eat up.

The washroom!

I didn't have plumbing
when I was a kid,

and now, neither do you.

Then how will we
relieve ourselves?

Ta-da!

Still think you're tough enough
to endure my childhood?

Or are you ready
to admit you're soft?

Hold that thought.

Tilly, I don't want to live
in this dusty heckscape.

Me neither.
But if we can survive

without modern luxuries now,

we can end
Gramma's guilt trips forever.

Ha!

After further discussion,

me and Tilly like
your old-timey house

and are fine living like this.

I give y'all five minutes.

[Cricket screams] Spiders!

Here we are.
Bougerly Hills.

[Bill] Everything's so clean.

And what's that smell?

That's the scent
of money, Bill.

Take it in.

[dings]

- Uh...
- [car honks]

Hey, idiot! The light's gold!

Okay, I'll go.

Hey, hey,
the light's gold, idiot!

All right,
time to start selling.

[laughs] Oh, Bill.

We can't start selling yet.

These trendy people
are all about image.

They won't even see us
unless we look like them.

I admit I'm new here,

but surely,
nobody is that shallow.

- Whoa.
- Did you just, like,

run into something?

Excuse me?

It seems like
there might be something here.

Something that I don't like.

I stand corrected.

So, how do we fit in
with these fancy folks?

By ruining my credit.

More.

[Cricket] You know what, Till?
This ain't that bad.

I mean, potted meat
can be almost tasty

once you get used to your eyes

crusting over from the salt.

Ugh.

These crates
are kind of comfortable

once your body goes numb
from the pain.

I didn't know
if we could do it, brother,

but I'm proud of us
for persevering.

We done adapted.

- [♪ music playing]
- Hey, you hear that?

[both gasp]

- 'Sup, nerds?
- [toaster dings]

- Come to give up?
- Gramma, what gives?

You make us live in squalor

while you lounge
in an oasis of comfort?

Yeah, you're
a dadgum hippogriff!

- Hypocrite.
- Hypocrite!

Well, the test was for y'all.

I already lived
through all that.

I know I'm tough.

You don't look so tough.

Yeah. All these years
you've harped on us,

while perhaps,
you are the one

who can't live
without modernity.

Come again?

Gramma's got it
so easy these days.

Ain't she just the picture
of modern comfort?

[both laughing]

Oh, I see.

So, y'all think
you can challenge me?

Well, all right.

Bring it on!

I'm the queen of tough!

I don't need all this junk!

[Tilly] We don't need a house.

- Huh?
- We'll sleep outside.

[exclaims]

[glass breaks]

You kids really want to play
Hardship Chicken with me? Ah!

I reckon
you ain't got the guts!

Well, I reckon
that sounds like a challenge.

This town ain't comfy enough
for the both of us.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

- Oof.
- [gasps]

This stuff costs
a lot of money, Gloria.

Are you sure it'll work?

Let the clothes
do the talking, Bill.

[exclaims]

Hmm.

You look just like us.

And I like that.

Hey, everyone,
look what I just discovered!

[indistinct chatter]

- Charge my card.
- Scan my Spendmo.

Do you take retina?

Hey, guys, it's me,
little Remy.

I tried calling, but your line
was disconnected.

- [Cricket and Tilly grunting]
- Hmm?

Uh, what the...

[all grunting, gasping]

Uh, are you guys okay?

We're just fine, Remy.

Unlike some people who need fancy
stick houses to get by.

[grunts] What's that?
I can't hear you

over your cushy little fire!

[both grunting]

I came to see if you guys wanted
to play video games.

So, how long will you be doing
whatever this is?

Perhaps forever.

We enjoy roughing it
with our rustic lifestyle.

- Unlike Gramma.
- Yeah.

She can't do anything
without her modern glasses.

[exclaims, spits]

- [Gramma] I was born hard.
- [Cricket] So were we!

- [Tilly] Likewise!
- Okay.

- You're soft.
- I know you are, but what am I?

Soft, that's what!

[sighs] I must admit, these conditions
are less than ideal.

I know, Tilly.
We just gotta wait her out.

[grunts] Oof. There we go.

Now I just
gotta wait them out.

[metal clangs]

- [straining]
- Have a good one.

Secure that bag. [chuckles]

That was the last
of everything.

We hit the jackpot
with this place.

Yup. Now to count up that sweet profit
and see how much we made.

We barely broke even.

Ooh.

But hey, now that we have
these clothes,

we can wear them next week,

- and do gangbusters.
- No.

Trends here move so fast,
we're already obsolete.

[grunts]

Hello?

Ah, you're right.

On the bright side, these sneakers
are mighty comfy.

Yeah, these shades
are pretty life-changing.

Well, I guess this day
wasn't a total loss after all.

[man grunts]

My veneers.

How do you not see
a vehicle here?

What was that? Ow.

You know what?
Let's just go home.

The air is hard.

[vultures screech]

[all groaning softly]

[groaning]

[squirrel chittering]

Food.

- Food?
- Food!

[smacking lips]

[chittering]

[all screaming]

[all panting]

[all screaming]

- [shop bell dings]
- [all groaning]

[all gasp]

Laptop?

Boba?

Glasses?

I think.

[all gasp]

[all screaming]

- What happened to them?
- Beats me.

You know how they are.

Oh, man. What are we doing?

We put ourselves
through so much hardship.

Yeah. You almost ate
a squirrel.

We almost ate a squirrel.

Let's stop fighting
and call it a draw.

It's silly to argue
over who's tougher

because it's obvious
that everyone else is soft.

Yep, we're three tough nuts
in a world of soft butts.

I pity these folks. Ah!

Ugh! Why is the air hard?

We should get Gramma
some new glasses.

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch and scraped
up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs ♪

♪ Licked by a frog
Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
in seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow,
I'll do it all again ♪