11x18 - Ernie Drives

[bunniefuu]

© BF-WATCH TV 2021 thing.

Big spring what?

Spring thing.

Oh, what's that, Ernie?

Oh, it's kind of a big rock out.

You know, music and dancing and all that stuff.

They're having it on the football field at school.

A bunch of neat groups.

The Rag Rugs, Barney and the Frogs,
the Split Shingles, they're all famous.

Oh, I know that.

Now, what I was wondering, since we're getting
dates and all, would it be all right if I borrow the car?

Well, is it legal, Ernie?

I mean, I didn't know you were that close
to getting your driver's license.

Next Friday morning.

Next Friday morning, huh?

Yeah.

All the guys have been counting the hours.

Yeah.

Our driver's ed class ends Friday morning, and
we all tear down to take the test Friday afternoon.

Who's going with you?

Yo-h* Crocker.

Yo-h*?

Yeah.

He's a real smooth friend of mine from school.

Yo-h*, huh?

Everybody around here thinks it's weird.

It's just a nickname.

What's wrong with it?

Oh, there's nothing wrong with it.

It's just a little unusual.

You must admit it brings a certain picture to mind.

You mean the yawking up guy?

Oh, yeah.

Man, Dad, he's not like that a bit.

He's just got a great personality.

With Yo-h*, it's a gift making people like him.

It's just a gift.

Where do you meet him?

Well, my dad's letting me have the car.

Now all we've got to worry about is the girls.

Man, Ernie.

That's the easiest part.

What are you worried about?

I'm not the smoothest asking for dates.

Man, Ernie, don't let it bother you.

Nina's just a girl.

You put your finger right on the problem.

You've got to know what to say.

And I'm not going to do anything stupid,
like coming right out and asking her.

Why not?

Well, because you have to say some other stuff first.

And that's what I'm writing.

But that's nothing.

Just make some chit-chat.

Like what?

Well, tell her how soft and shiny it looks.

Or say I could recognize her voice
anywhere, even across a crowded room.

Well, that could mean her voice is loud.

Well, that's what I think it meant if
somebody said it to me.

Why can't I be smooth like you?

I'm looking forward to getting my license
on Friday, aren't you?

Yeah, that would be great.

Getting in a car.

That's enough about cars.

Let's talk about you.

I'll say this about you, Nina.

You really have a great nose.

Thank you, Ernie.

Okay, you guys, let's lock up this
beautiful thing for Friday night.

I mean, me and Marilyn and you and Ernie.

How about it?

Ask Ernie.

Well, it's okay with me.

I mean, I'll go if he'll go.

What he means to say is he won't go if you
won't go with him.

Oh, will you?

Okay.

My Three Sons will continue.

Seven letters.

Those who deliver.

Postman.

Now, works out doctors.

Come in.

Good evening, Mrs. Douglas.

How are you?

Oh, just fine.

You certainly are looking lovely.

Oh, thank you, Yoho.

Captain O'Casey, how are you, sir?

I'm suffering from a bad case of banana oil in the ears.

Ernie's in his room.

Why don't you just go on up?

Thank you, Mrs. Douglas.

I hope yours feel better, Captain.

Yoho, glad you're here.

Yeah, we've got to make some plans for Friday night.

No strain.

I drive over my dad's car and pick you up,
and then we pick up the girls.

Right?

Right, but there's something we've got to watch out for.

When the girls come out, we don't want to
get double-crossed.

How?

You know, both of them getting in the back
and leaving us two in the front.

It can happen.

Would they do that?

Well, it hasn't happened lately to me, but you never know.

So I tell you what we're going to do.

I'll stay in the car in the back seat.

You go up to the house and get the girls.

When Nina and Marilyn come out, they're
not both going to get in the front seat with you.

Well, they could.

You can get four in the front if you squeeze.

We could take him along.

tr*mp.

He could take two spots in the front seat easy.

Then Marilyn would have to sit in back.

You out of your skull.

You get both the girls in the back seat and I get the dog.

Not like that.

tr*mp sits on the outside.

Then Nina has to sit closer to you.

No good.

When tr*mp sits in the front, he sits in the middle.

Or else he gets car sick.

And sometimes he gets car sick anyway.

Okay.

We'll tack around the wall for now.

But it looks like they're going to pull a Swifty.

I'll think of something.

We got the car and we got the girls.

What about dancing?

Can you dance?

Sure.

Well, that's great for rock.

What if they play a slow one on us?

Slow?

Yeah, you know, like a waltz.

Why would they play a waltz?

Because girls like them.

You put your arms around them and it's romantic.

I never danced a dance where you touch anybody.

It's the dance of love.

Now watch me.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Not touching your partner is one of the
dumb things our generation does.

It's not something you should have thought of.

Okay.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

You gotta loosen up, Ernie.

You know, you gotta swing the girl around.

Swoop.

Swoop.

Watch.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Oh, man, this is m*rder.

Come here.

I'll show you.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

May I cut in?

I was just showing Ernie how to do the waltz.

It's Tuesday night.

You better waltz the trash cans out on the curb.

And be sure and put the lids on tight so the
dogs don't scatter the stuff all over the neighborhood.

I'll get them out, Uncle.

I'll get them out.

Yeah, and no swooping, just carrying.

You're doing fine, Ernie.

A little bit more practice and you'll be perfect.

Uh, one more thing.

Do we kiss the girls goodnight?

Man, Ernie, where have you been?

They expect it.

If we didn't, they'd get hacked.

Now about that swooping.

My Three Sons.

We'll continue here from Nestle.

Has Ernie come home yet?

If there's no books tossed on the table and
the cake's still in the icebox, he ain't home.

He's not worried about taking the driving test.

Well, if he is, you who will talk him out of it.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Well, this is a big day.

And I must say, having a nice-looking lady like
you driving us down there isn't going to hurt anything.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, those men who give us the test are
only human, you know.

I suppose you mean those humans are only men.

Um, Ernie, I think we'd better get going.

Okay, Mom.

Hey, the cake all gone?

It stays in the icebox.

Don't you want us to have any, Uncle Charley?

Look, you better have an empty stomach to talk to a girl.

Now, you better have an empty stomach to drive a car.

The test is a breeze, Captain.

Really?

Yeah.

The driver's there put us through a course
you guys wouldn't believe.

We know what we're doing.

We could thread a car through a needle.

How are you at keeping it on the street?

Come along, boys.

It's going to be quite a line at the Motor V.

Charley, this may take some time.

Time?

I got it.

And plenty of potatoes.

Well, Ernie, honey?

Hi.

Well, Ernie, how'd it go?

Not good?

Not good.

But, Ernie, you're a very good driver.

I've ridden with you.

What happened?

Oh, he's an excellent driver.

He's just not so good on the written test.

Oh, the written test, huh?

Well, you'll just have to study a little more,
Ernie, and take it again next week, huh?

I flunked.

We both flunked.

You and Yoho?

The girls went first.

And they couldn't even get a car up an alley.

And they all passed.

Yeah, me and Yoho.

Man.

Honey, you're just going to have to sit
down and study the regulations.

That's right, Ernie.

Take the test again next week, and you'll pass.

You waited 16 years, now it's 16 years and one week.

Next week won't do it.

Oh, well.

I'm not going to get profound about it.

I'm just going to go in the kitchen and
bake you a pie or something.

I'm wiped out, Dad.

Really wiped out.

But, Ernie, it's just for a week.

Why won't next week do it?

Because the problem is tonight.

I can't drive tonight.

Oh, that's right.

I forgot about tonight.

What am I going to do, Dad?

She thinks I'm cool with a license.

And I'm 16 years old.

I can't have my father drive us.

No.

I honestly don't know what you can do, Ernie.

I could, say, take a cab or go with a friend, but I know
that wouldn't have solved the problem when I was your age.

And I know it won't solve it for you.

I just don't know.

You get points for that, Dad.

What?

If we're being honest.

Oh.

Well, Ernie, I wish I could help you.

I really do.

There's nothing anybody can do.

I blew it and I'm wiped out.

I'll just call on the mean end.

Oh, Yoho.

Hi, Ernie.

Good afternoon, Mr. Douglas.

How are you today?

Oh, I'm fine, thanks, Yoho.

That certainly is a nice sweater you're wearing, sir.

Oh.

Well, thanks, Yoho.

That's a very nice shirt you're wearing.

Well, you come to share in the misery?

Ernie, we're back in business.

How come?

Well, I told you I think of something.

And my... Every resourceful brain came up with a solution.

Marilyn and Nina both got their licenses, right?

So?

And they left before we flunked,
so they don't know about it.

In fact, nobody else knows that we bombed
out either, right?

Yeah.

So tonight we make a big unselfish gesture.

We know how excited Nina is about getting her new license.

So, we let her drive.

You're close, but how do we get a car up into her house?

I got all the angles covered.

My brother drives his car over there,
parks, and leaves it for us.

Then you get a ride over, the girls see
the car, and they think we drove.

Perfect.

Oh, Sam.

Oh, I'm ready.

Robbie called a minute ago, said he's on
his way over to take you to Marilyn's house.

Do I look okay?

Oh, you look fine.

I'd say you'll be one of the better
dressed in the group tonight.

I wish I had Yoho's personality.

Well, Ernie, we like you the way you are.

Are you two fellas really going to let
those girls think you passed your tests?

Well, we're just not going to tell them otherwise.

Rotten, huh, Dad?

Well, it's a little unethical.

Well, uh...

When you're as shaky about girls as I am,
maybe unethical is better than not going at all.

Oh, there's Rotten.

So long.

So long, Ernie.

Hey, I love your car.

The paint job's special.

It's a match to color your eyes.

Who sits where?

Uh, tell her about the big surprise, Yoho.

Well, me and Ernie decided to give you girls
something special to celebrate your new driver's licenses.

Nina, you drive to the concert.

And Marilyn, you drive home.

Oh, thanks.

My Three Sons will return in a moment.

Boy, am I tired.

Charley, would you like to join us for coffee?

No, thanks.

I think I'll hit the hay.

Well, the boys ought to be getting the girls home by now.

I can picture Ernie doing the goodnight bit.

It was fun.

Thanks for the evening.

Let's make it unforgettable.

I really had a good time, Ernie.

Yeah.

It was cool.

The guy playing the bass looked like the
guy in my chem class.

Did he?

Yeah.

Only fatter, maybe.

Fatter than who?

Fatter than the guy in my chem class.

His name is Chap Chipman.

Chap Chipman?

Yeah, you know him?

No.

I don't think that was quite unforgettable enough.

Nina.

It's getting late, Ernie.

I'd better get in.

Good night.

I told Nina how the bass player looked
like a guy in that one.

Hey.

Hey, what?

How are we going to get home?

We're not allowed to drive.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow.

Maybe we better... All right, boys, out.

Easy, Ernie.

We haven't done anything.

I'll handle this.

You boys live in the neighborhood?

Uh, you see, officer...

This is my brother's car, which he kindly
allowed us to use this evening.

Now, me and my good friend, we just took our dates home.

May I see your driver's license, please?

Driver's license?

Yeah.

Uh, I didn't think you were going to bring that up.

You see, before I left home, I said, be sure to
check your wallet and see if you brought your...

We don't have driver's licenses.

Either of us.

Well, how about that?

Would you mind explaining to me, then,
how you got the car here to drop your dates off?

Oh, now that's just a funny coincidence, officer.

You're going to appreciate this.

Just a minute, please.

Would you let him tell it?

Well, we had these dates for tonight, but we both
flunked our written test at the motor vehicle department.

So his brother brought the car over here and left it.

It's not that we flunked.

You see, there happened to be a large crowd there
that day, and we never... Would you just let him tell it?

Anyway, the girls got their licenses, so we let them drive.

I see.

Being big men, is that it?

Yeah.

Now we're stuck.

Well, it's kind of nice to know that boys
still have it rough with girls.

All right, get in the back.

Other side.

You want to follow me, Fred?

I'm going to drive these two big shots home.

Honey.

I'm surprised he didn't call us.

Oh, hi, Ernie.

Hi, Dad.

Officer.

Hi.

Are you Mr. Stephen Douglas?

Yes, I am.

What's wrong, officer?

Well, nothing really, Mr. Douglas.

Your son needed a chauffeur and the police
department just happened along.

Oh.

You finally figured out you had no way to get home, right?

Yeah.

Hey, but how come you let me go if you knew that, Dad?

Honey, if you're old enough to drive,
you're old enough to figure it out for yourself.

I'm sorry, officer.

I thought he'd call us.

I didn't think he'd take up your time.

No, no, that's all right.

He's a good kid.

The other one has a big mouth.

He's okay.

Good night.

Good night, officer.

Thank you.

Good night.

Thanks a lot.

Okay.

Hey, what a night.

Yeah, well, you came up with an exciting present.

Finish, Ernie.

Was the date worth it?

Yeah.

I kissed her good night.

Only it wasn't much.

You know, I found out something.

It's not so bad to be dumb old Ernie Douglas.

Good night.

Good night, Ernie.

Good night.

Like what?

I'm very, very glad I'm not 16.

I'm very, very.

Glad I'm not 16.