11x20 - The Recital

[bunniefuu]

Look, Neil, you're almost 16 years old.

Girls shouldn't affect you like that.

Of course you should be able to swallow in front of them.

What are you going to do, starve to death
because you're embarrassed?

Hold on, Neil.

Mom, I got a guy with a problem here.

Can Dodie cool it on the piano?

Honey, this is only her first session with the teacher.

I can't very well ask you to quit now.

Sorry, Neil.

Where were we?

Hey, Mom, I left.

All right, honey.

I'm telling you, Neil, if you don't get rid of the shyness,
you'll be able to vote before you get your first date.

Neil, believe me, you'd make a terrible hermit.

Okay, listen, if you're that desperate, come on over
and I'll give you a crash course on dating techniques.

I'm not very good, but compared to you.

Neil, forget the foreign legion.

And forget the fur trapping in Alaska and get over here.

Mama, Mrs. Pomeroy wants to tell you how wonderful I did.

Mrs. Douglas, I believe we have a budding pianist here.

She has such a nice touch and lovely tapered fingers.

Well, I'm glad to hear that, Mrs. Pomeroy.

I'll see you next week.

I'll see you next week at exactly the same time, Dorothy.

Okay, I'll be sitting right here with
my tapered fingers and everything, Mrs.

Pomeroy.

That's a good girl.

Goodbye, Mrs. Douglas.

Goodbye, Mrs. Pomeroy.

Well, Mrs. Pomeroy seems like a very nice teacher.

She sure is, except she smells weird like mothballs.

Oh, well, you wouldn't mention anything
like that to her, now, would you?

That's no, Mama.

You think I have bad manners or something?

Oh, no, of course not.

Honey, I am very proud of you.

You've done very well in your first lesson.

Well, you're going to get prouder and prouder.

Oh, why?

Because I'm going to practice my brains out.

Yes?

I'm...

I'm Neil Neuswander, Ernie's friend.

I... I was talking to him on the phone just now.

Oh, yes.

Well, you certainly got over here in a hurry, Neil.

Yeah, well, I was in a phone booth down on the corner.

Oh, well, he's up in his room.

Why don't you just go right on up?

Yes, ma'am.

You want to hear me play again, Mama?

Oh, yeah.

I'd love to.

Hi.

Oh, honey, would you mind shutting the door?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I suppose Liberace's family had to go through this, too.

Well, I'll tell her to stop.

No, no, no, no.

I guess such persistence should be rewarded.

Mom, you ought to try and do something about those scales.

Like, put the piano in the basement.

Well, I'm sure your Uncle Charley would second the motion.

How are you, Neil?

Uh, okay, I guess, Mrs. Douglas.

Mom, we'll be in the garage.

Call us when Dodie runs out of gas.

Okay.

Myrtle, Mrs. Palmer is coming tonight.

Don't you say a word about smelling weird like mothballs.

Tell him what you think, Mom.

Well, I admit you have a shyness problem,
Neil, but I think it can be worked out.

Why do you think that, Mrs. Douglas?

I can barely talk to you.

You ought to see him around Brendal in the air.

His mind freezes solid.

Well, now, you boys asked me into this
discussion, so let me ask Neil a question.

Sure.

Why did you grow that long hair?

Well, uh, everybody's growing it.

In high school?

We got a real permissive principal.

Well, do you want me to tell you why I think you grew it?

Yeah.

I think maybe you're using it to hide behind.

Hey, Mom, I think you nailed it on the head.

Okay.

Maybe I am hiding behind it.

But if I cut it off, I don't think I'd be
able to talk at all.

You don't realize.

I was just going to say how great it is
not to hear those rotten scales anymore.

That's got to be worse.

You know what we'd better do?

What?

Get us an agent.

What do they do?

Put you on television and junk.

I know all about it.

My uncle's one.

You think we're ready for television?

Sure.

Did anybody ever hear anything like this?

My Three Sons will continue here.

Why don't you girls practice at somebody
else's house for a change?

These girls don't have any pianos.

Yeah, Ernie.

What's Dodie gonna do?

Carry her piano around in a sack?

Wanna give us a dumpy, Dodie?

Sure.

A one and a two and a three.

You know, Saturday's really come in handy.

Especially after you've had a tough week at the office.

Well, I think you ought to spend the whole
day and just lie around and relax.

That's just what I'm gonna do.

Read a little, watch the game on TV.

Could you use a caddy?

You were still at the restaurant when I went to bed.

Mm-hmm.

Dodie again?

Well, God, I wouldn't have come in here if
it wasn't a really important thing.

No.

What is it, Dodie?

Are you guys ready for this?

We're ready.

Uh-huh.

Me and Margaret and Susan's trio is going
to be in a recital.

A recital?

Well, that's just wonderful, Dodie.

Will you get to bed, sweetie?

Mm-hmm.

Don't you care?

It's very late, Dodie.

Yeah, but recitals are very big things to me.

Well, they are to us, too, Dodie.

Good night.

We're very proud of you, sweetheart.

It's just that we're sleepy.

That's okay.

You said what I wanted you to say.

Mm-hmm.

Good night.

Good night, Bobby.

Isn't it wonderful?

Our little girl is going to play in a very first recital.

That isn't a very profound thought.

Don't expect Confucius at this time of the morning.

And the recital programs have already been printed.

Now, the boys will wear coats and ties.

Aww.

And the girls will wear party dresses.

Woo!

And there'll be absolutely no gum-chewing
before, after, or during the play.

Now, are there any questions?

Yes, Roger.

Where do I shake my trumpet spit when I'm on stage?

Yeah.

Let me try, Roger.

Uh, we'll put a newspaper close to your music stand.

Now, let's begin the rehearsal.

We'll start with the youngest students first.

Uh, Margaret, Dorothy, and Susan.

Will you step up here, please?

This is the Rondelet Trio, children.

How does your stomach feel?

Same as it does on open house night when
my grades are rotten.

Me too.

Dorothy, will you give the girls an A, please?

Mrs. Pomeroy, this piano's way bigger than mine.

Are the notes in the same place?

The notes are exactly the same, Dorothy.

Give them an A.

Now, let's begin.

A one, a two, a three.

One, a two, a three.

Careful, careful.

Keep the music down...

children.

What are they laughing for?

I think it's about us.

And I'm not playing.

We never stop a performance, even if the audience is rude.

And the audience will please remember that
before long, it will be up here also.

Start again, girls.

What do you mean you're not playing?

Everybody laughed at us.

I'm not going to any recital.

She said the same thing all the way home in the car.

Honey, all the programs are printed,
and the whole family will be there.

I don't care.

You couldn't even drag me there with a dump truck.

Well, what about Margaret and Susan now?

Aren't you letting them down?

Margaret said she'd hold her breath if her
parents made her go to that dumb recital and play.

Well, what about Susan?

I don't know.

She couldn't stop crying.

You know, Dodie, just because some goofy
kids laughed at you doesn't mean you should quit.

Well, that's right, honey.

I'll never do it.

You can see dynamite in my head.

Well, I'm going to have to go to the market.

Honey, I wish you'd think about this.

We'll do some more talking about it later.

I don't care.

I'll glue myself to the wall.

You don't want to be a quitter, do you, Dode?

Sure.

Listen, would you go to the recital if I
gave you some money?

No.

Face it, Ernie, you're not getting anywhere.

Well, you try if you've got any ideas.

You think by acting like this you'll get
out of the recital, right?

Right.

Well, that'll just be the worst thing for you.

Are you trying to trick me?

No.

No, I'm just telling you this so you won't end up like me.

What's wrong with you?

I'm so shy that I have a hard time just talking to people.

You know why?

No.

Because my parents never made me do
anything I didn't want to do when I was just a little kid.

You mean like go to recitals when people laugh at you?

Right.

So here I am, almost 16 years old, hiding behind my hair.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Sort of.

But I'm still not going.

Ah, I know.

The Dodie.

Right.

I just came in to tell you something.

What is it, honey?

You'll probably kiss me and be proud and junk.

What is it?

I decided to go to the recital.

Did you?

Well, good.

That's wonderful.

Yeah, we're... We're glad.

I knew it'd get ya.

We're glad, sweetie.

What made you decide?

Well, I didn't want to end up like Neil.

He hides behind his hair, you know.

Good night.

Good night, Punkin.

Good night, Dodie.

Of course, I...

I don't know what she was talking about.

I mean... Neil's hair and all that.

I'm too sleepy to ask.

I'm glad, honey.

I'm too sleepy to answer.

We have something they call stage fright.

Even famous people who perform all the
time get it before they go on.

Well, it feels terrible.

I know, but it goes away.

Cross my heart.

Barbara, that was Margaret's mother.

Uh-oh.

It seems that Margaret has suddenly
developed a severe stomach ache.

I wonder about Susan.

Margaret's mother says that she,
too, has developed a severe stomach ache.

But what happens now?

Well...

Locking yourself in the closet never solved anything.

Oh, yes, it did.

Well, Mama, the closet isn't really locked.

Dodie could get out if she wanted to.

I think she's afraid she might be asked to play a solo.

Well, won't she have to play a solo, Daddy?

Oh, no, of course not.

Because the program says the Rondelet Trio.

She couldn't play alone on that stage even
if she wanted to.

On the other hand, Mama, do you remember
when Dodie came into our room last night

and told us how she didn't want to be shy like Neil?

I certainly do.

Remember how proud we were?

We were very proud.

Do I have to play alone?

No, Dodie.

But, uh, if the Rondelet trio did show up,
then would you play?

Sure.

Fine.

Come on.

Steve?

You look very nice, Neil.

You had it trimmed tonight.

I figured if a seven-year-old girl could sh**t down
the shy bit, why couldn't a nearly 16-year-old guy?

It's called deductive reasoning.

Well, Dodie'd be very pleased that she had
such an influence on your life.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much, parents
and friends, for attending this, our ninth annual, recital.

We have a fascinating program
for you this evening, starting

with our very youngest groups,
right on up to the mature members.

The first group I have named the Rondelet Trio.

And they will favor us with Johnson's
capricious little number, Daffodils on the Meadow.

The Rondelet Trio.

Dodie, would you give us an A, please?

You better announce this.

Ladies and gentlemen, the part that was going to be
played by Margaret is now being played by my Uncle Charley.

And the part that was going to be played
by Susan is now being played by my Daddy.

Now, what a great show.

One and a two and a three.

OK.

Music.

.

Thank you for watching.