12x08 - Dopamine Denier

[bunniefuu]

Let's just get this started.

Are you kidding me?

Who's a good cat?

Today,
a new commercial for a cold

And flu medicine is filming.
And guess what?

We booked a role
as actor number two.

But the commercial
is fake.

It's just an excuse
to pair us with an actor

Who thinks it's real.

The goal is to do
and say what you're told,

And if you refuse,
go back to waitering.

I was never a waiter.
Me neither.

Hi, I'm edward.
How are you?

Nice to meet you.
Same here.

Murr: All right.

So, sal, you are an actor
in a commercial today.

Uh, the product is
mandukasil.

Mandukasil.
Mandukasil.

It's an over-the-counter
cold-flu drug.

That's great.
And we'll get started.

All right, james, explain
the commercial to them.

So you're just going to
be feeling

A little bit under the weather.

I'd love for you to come in and
just hand off some mandukasil.

Sal, fly through
the frame.

Just top speed -- whoom! --
Right through.

And action.

Oh, my.

Cut.
You came in pretty hot.

I'd say go half speed
on the next one.

Murr: Sal, overcorrect
the other way.

Snail's pace enter
the scene.

Action!

Oh, my. Ugh.

murr: Here he comes.

Hi.
Don't say anything yet.

Can I help you?

I heard you say, "ohh."

Yeah.

You should
try mandukasil.

Cut, cut. That looked great.
Really fun improv stuff.

I slowed it down
because I --

Last time was just
a little fast.

Yeah, I think you maybe
slowed it down a bit

Too much on that one.
Okay, okay, fair. That's fair.

Am I a little hesitant
about him handing me

Something I know
nothing about?

Sal,
just, like, toss it,

Like, lob it onto her desk
and keep going.

Jeter!

James: And action.

You have a cold?
You need mandukasil probably.

Yeah. I don't feel so good.
Jeter!

Cut!

Sorry, I should --
I should have told joy

That I was going to
toss it toward her.

Man, I'm game
for anything,

But if you're going
to throw anything,

You got to let me know
ahead of time.

Sorry, sorry.
I won't throw it.

"would anybody here mind
if I play the character

As a rastafarian
this time?"

Would anyone here mind

If I play the character
as rastafarian?

Yeah.
No, I'd like to see it.

Yeah, let's see it.

James: Action!

Oh, my. Ugh.

Hi.
Oh.

I'm not feeling so good.

yeah, me -- ah, man --

Uh...

What you
got there?

Me thinks you -- I --
mandu-- mandukasil.

Murr: You sound like
jar jar binks.

Cut, cut.
You kind of bailed

On the character midway through.
If you're going to do it --

So stick with it,
stick with it.

Action.
Oh, my.

Ohh.
Blat! Blat!
Your eyes seem watery.

You seem like you got
dem watery eyes, love.

I don't feel good.

You should reach
for mandukasil.

Blat! Blat!

Oh, I need help.

Hear me.

Reset. Take it again.
We're still rolling.

Still rolling.
Oh.

Sounds like you
got a demon in ya.

I don't feel good.

Shake it up
good and nice.

Well, thank you.
One love in a bottle.

Right. Jah.

Thank you very much.
Murr: "one love in a bottle."

"one love in a bottle."
cut.
Yeah, that was really nice.

I feel like I'm on mushrooms
or something right now.

Murr: Sal. "so, uh...

So what makes you think
you're good at any of this?"

No.
That's it?

This is the biggest thing
I've ever done.

Oh.

Oh, here we go.

Today is my 279th sh**t
in four years.

-Wow.
-What?

Stand up and clap.
Stand up and clap, murr.

I had to find
something to do.

James: All right, here we go.
From the top.

We'll roll on rehearsals.
Roll sound.

Murr, as soon as he's done
with his take, be like,

"all right. Thanks, sweetie.
We'll let you know."

Roll camera.
Action.

Oh, man.

Try mandukasil.

Wow. Thanks.

Thanks, sweetie.
We'll let you know.

Right? That was it.
That was great.

All right. Cut! Yeah.
We're sure.

He called me sweetie.
That's...

Yeah, we'll
let you know.

We'll let him know?
We'll let him know.

This is his audition, right?
No, he's got the role, bud.

That's --
oh, I thought you were
auditioning for this role.

No, he's got it.

"okay, so you don't need my
assistance with casting?"

So you don't
need my assistance

With casting in
the commercial, then?

He has the part?
Yeah.

All right.
All right.

So, murr, when he hands it
to you and it says a line,

You're like,
"oh, I feel so crappy.

That's bidenomics."

Action.

Try mandukasil.

Man, I -- I feel so crappy.

I mean,
that's bidenomics, right?

James: Yeah, cut.
This should work. What?

Cut.
What?

So, no, like political
messaging, anything like that.

Okay. Okay, so, okay.
So, yeah.

Oh, I understand,
I understand, I understand.

That's a good note.
I'll take that one. Okay.

he'll take that one.

Look at mike.
Go, "mike. Mike"...

Mike. Mike. Mike.
"I just want to let you know,

If anything were to
ever happen to me"...

I just want you -- I just
want to let you know, buddy,

If anything were
to ever happen to me...

..."I'm okay with you working
on this with somebody else."

...I'm okay with you working
on this with someone else.

Okay?
"if anything would
ever befall me."

If I was befalled
in some way,

Like a hospice situation,
some kind of injury,

I would want you to keep
doing the commercial

With someone else.

I mean, you would do
the same for me, right?

Of course.
Okay.

We ready to go, boss?

Mandukasil.

James: All right,
let's take it from the top.

What's my line again?
Try mandukasil?

Try mandukasil. Yes.

"it's two words, mike."

It's two words, mike.
I know.

I mean...
It's two words.

"mike.
If that's your real name."

Mike.
If that's your real name.

"were there even


Previous jobs?"

I mean, were there even 270--

I mean, were there
even 278 other commercials?

I don't think so.




Today's 279, which means
it's 278 before this.

"numbers have shifted."

The numbers have
shifted, mike.

"that's bidenomics."

That's bidenomics.

Murr, do me a favor.
During this take,

Start coughing
and just never stop.

Like, over the top.

Action.

Try mandukasil.

I can't...

Mike, louder.

Give me the
mandukasil!

Just try mandukasil.
Give me the mandukasil.

I'll take it.

Just start getting frustrated
you can't open the bottle.

Start banging it.
Mike, say it one more time.

Try mandukasil.

"louder, mike.
Louder, mike."

Just try it.
Louder, mike, louder!

Just try it.
Just try mandukasil.

How do you get it to open?!

Are you trying
mandukasil?

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

What the f--
what's up with that?

It's a child safety lock.

Light push on the top
of the bottle and twist.

Oh, I see.
It comes off like that.

What's your name?

Brian.
I'm ru.

Ru. Got it.
Here's our product,
mandukasil.

Brian, you're sick.
You're suffering.

Ru, you're just going to say,
"try mandukasil."

Okay.
Okay, great.

This seems really good.

Sal: Actually, when she
hands you that medicine,

Open it and drink
the entire bottle.

James: All right,
let's take it from the top.

Action.

Try mandukasil.

Ohh.
I mean really try it.

Chug it!
Chug the bottle!

James: Action.

Sal: When she hands you
that medicine,

Open it and drink
the entire bottle.

Try mandukasil.

Oh.

I mean really try it.

Ohh.

Ohh.

Not that much.

I still don't feel well.

James: Cut.

Yeah. Are you --
how are you feeling?

I mean, it didn't make
me feel any better.

Well, it's gonna hit you.
That's a lot of it.

This --
this wasn't a prop?

No.
No, that's mandukasil.

What's the dosage on that?
Uh, I'm actually --

It's kind of getting
a little hard to see.

Uh, could you tell me?
Yeah.

Yeah, I mean...
That's not good.


thing is 237 milliliters.

You took, like,
eight times the dose.

Oh, god.

You should be good
if you throw it up.

Do you want to go pull
the trigger

In the bathroom real quick?
I'm gonna go clear the decks.

Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. All right.

-Who gave him the bottle?
-Ru gave him the bottle.

I did, but that
was your direction.

I mean, I did not
tell him to drink it.

I'm going to call
the help line just in case.

I'm good to go.

Don't drink it.
James: And you're
feeling 100%?

I feel fine.
I really got most of it out.

It tastes good.
It's like candy. We're good.

-You're good? All right.
-Yeah.

Introduce yourself to her
for the first time.

I'm brian, by the way.

Yes. Hi.
Hey. Nice to meet you.

You, too.

As you're in the scene,
the medicine's kicking in.

You're going into a
mandukasil coma.

Are you okay?

Uh, I'm not feeling
too good, ru.

James: And action.

Sal: Q, when she gives it
to you, just take it again.

Ohh. Ohh!
Chug the bottle

To help you with what happened
from chugging the bottle.

Why don't you try
some mandukasil?

Oh. Thank you.
Thank god.

Anything to help with
this mandukasil binge.

Don't do it.
Don't do that!

No! Stop!
Stop, stop!

Oh, my god!

You can't take that.

Don't drink the product.
He doesn't get it.

-Yeah.
-Don't drink that.

Guys, come on.
I'm not in charge here.

Ru, I'm sorry.
That's my bad.

I thought it was
coffee in there.

That's the mandukasil
that he's drinking again.

Sal: "could I take
mandukasil now to help

With the mandukasil
that I took?"

Don't drink the product.
He doesn't get it.

Okay.
I got it.

"I need to take something"...
I need to take something...

..."to help me"...
...To help me...

..."with all the mandukasil
I took."

...With all the mandukasil
that I've taken.

So if I could take
a little mandukasil.

So don't drink that?

No.
Okay.

Just take it and say,
"oh, I'll try it."
gotcha.

Sal: Come on,
switch their roles.

Can we switch the roles?

Maybe you go and give
her the mandukasil.

Oh, yeah.

Just come in drinking it.

James: Here we go.
From the top.

Roll sound. Roll camera.

Action.

Wait. He's drinking it!

Cut, cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut!

God, you got to get
him out, man.

You hear-- you heard him
say just -- just drink.

He might be having
a reaction.

You said -- you said ju--
no. You got to get
him out of here.

You said drink the dookie.

Walk over here.
Say, "hey, just try mandukasil."

Just try the dookie.

He can't. He's losing it.

Q, shake her hand.
"hi, I'm brian."

I'm just going to come over.
I'm going to say,

"just try mandukasil."

Yes. Perfect. Perfect.
Okay. Great. I'm brian.

I know.

Now, q, come over.
Nail it.

The second you hand it to her
and you nail it, just collapse.

Don't open it.

No, I'm just handing
it to you.

Oh, my god.

And action.

Ugh, ohh.

Aww. Here.
Try mandukasil.

Oh, thank you so much.

James: Cut. We nailed it.

Narrator: There's no medication
that can fix that performance.

Sal is first up
on the loser board.

Today we're
at the american dream mall

Walking up to shoppers
and saying,

"you look like
the type of person that"...

And the "type of person"
they are will be given to us

By the other guys.

If you can't get
the person to agree

That they're that "type
of person," you lose.

Trust me, they're that
type of person.

I say that about
everybody.

I've seen
this type before.

All right, sally v.

Excuse me. Do you know
what time the mall closes?

Oh, I'm not sure.

Oh, my god, how cute.
You know what?

You look like
the type of person that...

"that's about
to get tickled."

Get out of here, you crazy kid.

you!

That's it?

that's it, that's it.

All right, murr,
let's do it.

Bud, would you, uh --

I gotta ask, where'd you
get the hat?

Online. Amazon.
No.

I don't know
if you've ever been told this,

But you -- you look like
the kind of person...

"that doesn't try a hat on
for size before he buys it."

That just...
oh, ohh.

Just...

Murr: I don't know
if you've ever been told this,

But you look like
the kind of person...

"that doesn't try a hat on
for size before he buys it."

That just...
oh, ohh.

Just...

...Based on pure first
impression...

Mm-hmm.

...You look like
the kind of guy...

That I'm just gonna
take the loss, man.

Hey. You look fantastic.
Oh, thank you. I got it.

you guys.

Son of a b*tch.
I mean, why am I even trying?

Well, you lost. Come on back.

Excuse me.

Do you know
where the sunglass hut is?

sh*t, man.

'cause those look --
hey, you know what?

You know what?
Tell me if you agree.

You look like the type of guy...

"that can't get
it moist enough."

That can't get it --
can't get it moist enough.

You are the type of guy?
All right. Yeah!

You just hit a jackpot
because he was agreeing

To anything you said.

I would like to
shed you two...

Yeah.
...And have that guy be
my new best friend.

Narrator: Murr and sal look like
the type of people

Who can't win,
making sal tonight's big loser.

All right, sal has lost.
So today we're here

At completebody gym
for his punishment.

Sal, you know those
security guards

That take their jobs
a little too seriously?

Can I see eight forms
of id, please?

Yeah. Okay, good. Keep that.
That's going to be you today.

You'll be stationed
at the front of the gym,

And we get to decide who gets in
and who gets berated.

Berated?
you got it.

Berated?
Yeah.

Yeah.
It's like that?

I would count on
less people getting in

And more people getting
berated if I were you.

More people are gonna
get berated!

There you go.

All right, sal,
these people

Are coming to work out,
they're in a rush,

They got to get to get
to work, right?

You can't let them in, buddy.

Here we go.
What's up, fellas?

How you doing?

Can I purchase a session
from you all day?

-He can go?
-Yeah.

I'll see you downstairs
in a minute, don, okay?

Don't be so sure
about that, don.
Yeah!

I wouldn't be so sure
about that, don.

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah, I'm just paying for
a single session for don.

Oh, he went in already?

"he was unauthorized?"
he was unauthorized?

Uh, I-I don't know.
He's --

Murr: You're going
on lockdown.
Oh, god.

You got to get into
this character like this...

Security alert.
...Strung-out security guard.

"they got a fake id

Like I haven't seen
one of those before."

He's got a fake id, I think,

Like I haven't seen
one of those before.

I want you to say, "I'm livid,"
in five different ways

In front of this
guy right now.

It should be rectified
in a minute,

But that doesn't matter,
because I'm livid.

That's one.
One.

I'm security.
I'm livid right now.

Two.
Two.

You just don't understand what
happened to lead to this point.

I'm just --
I'm just livid right now.

That's three.
All right.

I have one job.
My job is to make sure

I keep the place --
the place secure.

And I love keeping
the place secure.

That's why I'm livid
right now.

We need a turned on livid.

Yeah, a little bit --
little bit turned on.

I am livid right now.

I'm so livid I'm going
to start lactating.

I-I-I'm so livid I'm going
to start

lactating
right now.

You don't want
this smoke pimpin'.

Sal, start spiraling.

I just feel like you're
trying to shanghai

My ba*ls right now,
sweetheart.

Shanghai...My...

I-I'm gonna lose my job today
because I can't -- I'm sorry.

I know I'm --
I know I'm spiraling.

I know I'm spiraling,

But my daughter just brought
home a chameleon.

"I'm se-cur-ity."
I'm se-cur-ity.

Do not stop, sal.
Keep going.

I feel like you're
just gonna...

Cole, let the guy through
while sal's going.

Just wave him in.
Just wave him in.

What is it,
thanksgiving eve?

How about take out
your own yam bag,

Let my family eat your yam bag.

"okay.
You're approved, sir."

Fine. You're approved
to go down, sir.

I'm triggered, cole.
I'm triggered.

Uh-oh.
Here we go.

Gym entrance?

Sorry, superman.
I can't let you in.

Murr: That's -- that's
tyler hoechlin, man.

He's a buddy of ours.
Oh, superman, baby.

He's in town,
came to set to hang out.

Tyler definitely
just came from another gym.

Here we go.
Uh-oh.

Here we go.

Well, it's a primary color.

So red and blue
is going to make purple.

uh-oh, bud.

Let me try to just enter
it manually for you.

Sure.
Murr: Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, yeah. No, not
after last time, man.

Okay. This popped up here.

Oh, no, no, no, no, not after
the last time, it says.

This guy is baffled.

"I'm going to need you
to take two steps back

And wait right there, hon."

I just need you
to take two steps back,

Hon, just wait two
steps back, please.

Two steps?

Just -- just do me
a favor, hon, please,

Because I just gotta...
I just need a little.

"you're crowding me,
sir."

Sorry. I'm sorry. You're
crowding me a little bit here.

Murr: Ohh!
Are you in a rush?

I'm on lunch, so...
Yeah.

"well, you got --
so you got an hour."

So you got an hour?

Yeah. Well, less
than that now.
Less now.

"I ain't the one, playboy.
Back up and wait."

I ain't the one.
I ain't the one, playboy.

Not today.
What's going
to happen here?

"you understand, if I
don't follow protocol"...

You understand,
if I don't follow protocol...

..."they're going to crack
my chestnuts open

With the smith
machine, right?"

...They're gonna crack
my chestnuts open

With the smith machine.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

"you're not trying to shanghai
my ba*ls, right, sweetheart?"

You're not trying to shanghai
my ba*ls, right, sweetheart?

"you
with the bear, hombre.

"you with
the bear, hombre."

This is it.
People are in here.

You with
the bear now, hombre.

"he's awake now."
you with the bear,
hombre, and he's awake.

"you can't un-
with this bear."

A bear can't be un-.

"to be clear,
you me."

To be clear, you me,
hombre. I'm the bear.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Murr: Have a full
mental breakdown.

I'm up to my t*ts
in complaints today with this.

That's the character we want.
That's it.
There it is.

My son brought home
a beagle this week.

They're eating me out
of a*s and home.

I just found out I got
salmonella bad.

People are whizzing
all over my face

Telling me
it's hurricane sandy.

My t*ts will be floating around
like jack on the titanic

'cause the complaints
are rising up so high.

Two big t*ts floating around
like big air balloons

Is what's going to happen now.

And then -- and then,
everyone goes in

And does their burpees,
they get their workout in,

They're in the locker room

Laughing about my big t*ts
floating around because --

I'm trying to do burpees
so I don't have floating t*ts.

Cole, turn to sal
and be like,

"do you have the caps lock
on that keyboard?"

Do you have
the caps lock on?

Is that what's stopping
me from getting in?

Murr: It was sal's fault
all along!
Oh, god.

I did it again.
Caps lock.

Oh, it was
the caps lock!

Now -- argh!

It was the caps lock.
You can come on through.

It was my fault.

Oh, my god,
that was awesome.

Ay-yi-yi.

Hello.
Hi.

I was considering
getting a membership.

Where'd tyler go?

Is tyler working
the cameras?

Murr: He's working
a camera.

Amanda said
that I can do a trial.

"amanda says
a lot of things."

Amanda says a lot of things,
unfortunately.

Okay.

Okay, I'll take your id
and I'll put you in the system.

I live in bed-stuy, brooklyn,
but I just haven't --

Oh. Happy birthday.
Yeah.

Oh, you and cole want to
sing her happy birthday?

-♪ happy birthday to you ♪
-oh, god.

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ happy birthday -- ♪

Sal, get upset.
There's no filming in the gym.

The only thing is, there
is no filming in the gym.

Oh.

There is a one
session suspension.

So because you videoed,
I can't let you in today.

But you can
come back tomorrow.

You're singing
happy birthday to me.

-Well, because --

Oh, no, I want you
to have a happy birthday.

It was just the videoing.

Uh-oh.
The turn is happening.

Yep.
How would I know?

It's posted.
It's posted around.

Yeah. Where does it say
it on the wall?

"but it's really
more common sense."

But it's really --
it's really more common sense

Not to film in the gym,
that's all.

Yeah.
I'm not in the gym.

Oh, well, see, that's
the rock wall right there.

We're in the gym
right here,

So it's just I have
to follow the rules.

Okay.

♪ "happy birthday" ♪

♪ happy birthday
to you ♪

Okay.
♪ happy birthday to you ♪

I'm very disoriented
and it's very bizarre.

Phew.

Today's not your day,
buddy.

Sal, the gym got quiet
all of a sudden, huh?

I have an idea.

Oh.

[ john mayer's "your body is
a wonderland" plays ]

♪ we got the afternoon ♪

♪ one mile to every inch of ♪

Love scene.
A john mayer love scene.

They're holding hands.

Oh, please have someone
walk up right now.

Slow song.
Please.

♪ oh, this is bound
to be a while ♪

♪ your body is a wonderland ♪

♪ your body is a wonderland ♪

All right, punishment is
over when you kiss.