I'm just not good at this sort of thing.
Oh, come on, Jim.
If Doris were going on a trip
and she wanted to leave you a
little love note, what kind of
thing would you want her to say?
Well, I don't know.
There's Turkey salad in the fridge.
That's not romantic.
It is if it's in the shape of a breast.
Now, please, Corky, ask someone else.
Ask what?
What are you doing?
Well, since we're all going away
on location, I thought I'd leave a
romantic little note for Will to
open each of the four days I'm gone.
That way he won't miss me as much.
I've written all the messages,
but I'm not happy with the last one.
So what have you got so far?
Frank, we have a lot to do today.
We don't have time for this.
Day one.
Dear Will, I'm counting the
days until I'm back in your arms.
Day two.
Honey, I'm thinking about your
wonderful kisses all the time.
Day three.
Sweetheart, I had a dream about
you, and I can't wait to make it real.
Day four.
Clean the cat box.
Corky, put the notes away.
Clean the cat box, darling.
Put the notes away, put
the notes away, away!
All right, now, I just
wanted to get you all together once more
before we leave for Pottersville tomorrow night.
In a minute, Murphy, let me finish.
The network has laid out a very impressive
ad campaign because they feel, as
do I, that the idea to profile a small
American town is a very important one.
I have here the entire itinerary
for you and your segment
producers, including your air tickets.
What, Murphy?
What could you possibly
have to say that could be
so important you can't
wait until I'm finished?
I don't think we should
go to Pottersville tomorrow.
What are you talking about?
I think we should leave
for Pottersville tonight.
We can't leave tonight.
Come on, you guys.
We're devoting an entire hour
to coverage of life in a small town.
We can't do that in four days.
I say we take a fifth
day and leave tonight.
First of all, we don't have the
budget for five days of location work.
Secondly, I have
planned our schedule very
carefully to cover as
much ground as possible.
And thirdly, it's
Audrey's birthday tonight.
We have reservations at Sardella's.
Oh, so this is our priority now.
Gee, America, sorry we
couldn't bring you FYI tonight.
But let's go now to
Sardella's, where an angry
Miles has just discovered
beets on his salad.
Oh, come on.
If I thought for one minute
that staying an extra day in
Pottersville would make
for a better story, I'd be there.
I think Miles is right, Murphy.
This schedule seems to
include all the important areas.
Community life, civic
affairs, cultural activities.
Although, I noticed you have me
covering the annual frog jumping contest.
I don't have to touch the frogs, do I?
- No Jim.
- Oh, good.
So, it seems as though an
extra day really isn't necessary.
Especially since Doris has the flu and I
wouldn't mind taking care of her tonight.
Oh, that's so sweet.
You guys, what is this neurotic
obsession with loved ones?
I mean, are you going to
sit at the Emmys next year
and watch CNN and Nightline
walk away with everything?
Murphy's right.
We've been doing our
own research, And there are
a lot of great details
we should be covering.
For instance, there's the weekly
poker game down at Scotty's gas station.
Those guys talk about everything, from
the w*r in the Gulf to women's hemlines.
As that poker game goes, so
goes the rest of this country.
Right.
Now, what about Mayor Foley?
Are we just gonna set up a
camera in his office and let him
tell us what a wonderful
place Pottersville is to visit?
Or are we gonna find out why there's
been an increase in teenage drug arrests?
Miles, it's easy for them to leave tonight.
They have no one in their lives.
Frank has just one meaningless
encounter after the other.
What?
And Murphy can't even get that far.
I say they are out of love.
All right, all right, look, you two,
you've both made some very good
points, but I still don't think
it's necessary to leave tonight.
Oh, well, that's just swell, Miles.
And you call yourself a journalist.
Well, let me tell you, if I were running
this show, I'd have us on the next plane.
The man's judgment is in his shorts.
He's not confident to leave this operation.
Next thing you know, he'll be planning
our assignments on a Ouija board.
I'm telling you, the man
has lost touch with reality.
And if we really care about him,
the kindest thing we can do is to
call the authorities and have him
locked up before he hurts somebody.
I'm finished.
Amazing, isn't it?
That such a loud noise could come
out of such a small opening in the head.
I hear that voice in my sleep.
Maybe they should pipe it in the
cornfields to scare the crows away.
- Miles! Murphy!
- She's k*lling me, Jim!
I have mail locks delivered
to my house by the case!
I'm blinking constantly
for no reason, just blinking.
Blinking all the time.
I'm gonna be dead by the time I'm 30.
You just have to make it to 32.
That's my number in the office pool.
And you're another one, Frank.
You're another one.
You always side with her.
I know what goes on.
You call each other at night to
plot little ways to drive me crazy.
Well, guess what?
It's not gonna work this time.
You know why?
I'm gonna send you
both to Pottersville tonight.
Just the two of you.
Go.
Stay there.
Never come back for all I care.
That's all I have to say.
This meeting is adjourned.
Hello again.
I'm sorry to interrupt you.
Have you decided what
you're having for dinner?
Chicken.
Chicken?
Good.
And what about you, sir?
Well, I'm not sure.
How is the chicken?
Oh, just awful.
I will recommend the beef.
There's only one order left, but
I'd be happy to set it aside for you.
Well, would you really?
That's very nice of you, uh, Vicky.
Oh, I'm pleased to do it for you, sir.
Oh, please, call me Frank.
I know who you are.
I watch you on television every
Wednesday night when I'm not flying.
Tell me, uh, Vicky, Do
you live in Washington?
No, I live in Chicago, but I
spend a lot of time in Washington.
You know, I get to Chicago
a lot during the year.
Maybe the next time... Oh, come on,
Frank, you have the sit near the window.
Now you're practically in my lap.
Aren't you behind all the salads?
And where's my ginger ale?
I'll check on it.
Would you like an extra bag of nuts, Frank?
He's got more nuts than
he knows what to do with.
Ginger ale is trying to kick it.
Let's go.
Nice going, Murph.
I was this close from a date with an angel.
You are so easy, Frank.
You fall all over the
woman just because she
says she'll save you
the last order of beef.
How could it be the last order of beef?
We're in the first row.
Okay, so it was the old
last order of beef trick.
You think I didn't cease
from that eye so close.
She has incredible eyes, doesn't she?
I don't usually get around to the eyes
right away, but hers are way above.
You are some piece of work, Frank.
I know.
Oh, this is great, isn't it?
You and me on assignment together.
Gee, we haven't done this in a long time.
I know, and we're going
to do a great job, too.
We're going to get out there and give those
I really love the road.
Me, too.
New places, new faces, no
commitments past getting the story.
And if you get a good
hotel, they leave a
little piece of candy
on your pillow at night.
I really love that.
We're out of ginger ale.
Here's a V8.
And here's a little
something for you, Frank.
Slipper socks.
Oh, yeah, she wants me.
Okay, Frank, hypothetical question.
What if you went out with
her and, say, over dessert
or whatever, suddenly
you realized this is the one?
What?
The one what?
The woman.
The person that turns you around,
makes you want to change your life.
You mean settle down, me?
Forget it.
Except for the fact that I haven't
played wide receiver In the
Super Bowl yet, I would say
that my life is pretty perfect.
What about you?
Gee, I'd love to stay and
chat, but it's only an hour
till we land, and I still
have to ask the question.
Oh, sure, she can dish it
out, but she can't take it.
Well, that's fine.
I've got my New York
Times crossword puzzle here.
And you know what?
I am going to fly in the face of fate.
I'm going to do it in ink.
Was that a little lightning or something?
Yeah, probably.
Looks like we're running into some weather.
It's uncanny, isn't it?
The turbulence always starts
right before the meal service.
These people are unbelievable.
Hey, could you keep it down, please?
I'm trying to get some work done.
Gee, you pay for first class.
Murph, I think we're losing altitude.
Oh, it's just an air pocket.
A big air pocket?
It's probably nothing.
How many miles have we logged
between us thousands, right?
I'm sure if there was a problem,
we would have heard from the pilot.
Here comes the pilot, Murph.
Well, he seems calm, though.
Seems like there's nothing wrong.
Oh, my God!
Not a good sign.
Murph, I think you
ought to put that thing away.
Frank, nothing's going
to happen to this plane.
I'm on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention for just a minute?
We have a minor technical problem.
It seems we've lost power in
our number one and two engines.
Now, there's no cause for alarm.
We can land the plane safely as long as
we have our number three and four engines.
Uh-oh.
Frank, what's going on?
You always do this.
You don't pay attention, and then
I have to repeat everything for you.
We're crashing.
We're going down.
No, that's not possible.
It's not possible.
Do not panic.
Do not panic.
Everyone, take a pillow, place it on
your lap, and await further instructions.
You might want to take this time to review
the safety cards in your seat pocket.
Where?
What safety card?
I didn't get one.
Someone took mine.
The woman hates me.
I don't have a safety card.
She didn't give me slipper socks.
Okay, last words, last words.
I need some good last words.
Help me Murph!
I'll give you last words.
This is Murphy Brown talking.
If anyone at the FAA is
listening, I paid for first class.
My seat back didn't recline.
I never got my ginger ale.
And they can clean the
bathrooms once in a while.
And another thing, I want
my Mylan's Club account
credited for the full
length of this trip.
I don't care if we wind up splattered
all over farmer John's wheat meal.
Wait an overtake.
Oh, what's the use?
This is pointless.
We're going down.
These could be our last minutes.
I know.
What do you do with your last minutes?
What do you think?
What do you say?
Oh, I don't know.
I can't believe I didn't settle down.
I don't have any kids.
I don't even have a dog.
Murph, let's get married.
What?
We don't have much time left.
We can still do it just to know we did it.
We don't even need a reverend.
We can marry ourselves.
Murphy, do you take me,
Frank, to be your lawfully wedded
husband, in sickness and
in health for richer or poorer?
I'm not sure.
What do you mean, you're not sure?
We're plunging to our death.
What are you gonna do?
Wait for somebody better to come along!
Hey, Frank, I'm not thinking straight.
I can't believe it.
I never made out a will.
Who's gonna wind up with my shoes?
Strangers!
Uh, Vicki.
Hey, Vicki.
What, Frank?
Peggy, just in case,
where are all the exits?
You want to know where all the exits are?
Now?
Weren't you listening at
the beginning of the flight
when I so carefully took
the time to point them all out?
No, you just sat there, wondering
when the bar cart was coming out.
Didn't you, Mr. World Traveler,
Mr. I-know-it-all-by-heart?
And now you want me to
tell you where all the exits are?
Well, I told you once, and
I'm not going to tell you again.
I never liked her.
Okay, Listen up, people.
Keep your seatbelts securely fastened.
All carry-on baggage should be
stoned under the seats in front of you.
Damn!
What was the other one?
I just had it.
Return your tray tables and seatbelts.
Who asked you?
Return your tray tables and
seatbelts to their upright position.
Bend forward and place
your heads on your pillows.
And above all, don't panic.
This is it, Murph.
Frank, hold my hand.
Never can say goodbye.
No, no, no.
Never can say goodbye.
So what brings you to Washington?
A job?
Maybe.
I got an audition across the street.
Murphy Brown audition, take one.
Arvin Johns, executive producer of FYI.
Frank Fontana.
Murphy Brown.
So you're going up for, uh,
one of these spots on FYI, huh?
Right.
You too?
Yeah.
I tell you, I'm kind of
looking forward to it.
I've never been on camera before.
No kidding.
What's your background?
I'm a reporter in the New York Times.
Frankie!
Frankie!
Where do you think you're going?
I'm going out.
And you don't say anything to anybody?
You just walk out the door
and let us all think that you've
been hit by a car and you're lying
dead in the gutter somewhere?
I was just going out, that's all.
Frankie, I told you, no stickball.
It's a very dangerous game.
I mean, you could get hit in the face.
You could lose an eye.
Mom!
Officer, can you tell us anything
about the safety of the seven hostages?
Well, they're okay, but the
g*n man won't release
anyone unless he can make
a statement to the media.
I've got a clue.
I can go in.
Now, wait a minute.
You don't know what's going on here.
Dan, stay close.
Let's go.
Donovan!
We have a reporter going in!
Where's your jacket?
It's freezing outside.
We spent good money on that jacket.
You don't even wear it.
I can't wear it.
The guys make fun of me.
Why?
You said you wanted a leather jacket.
I bought you a leather jacket.
I said I wanted a black
leather jacket with metal
studs and chains and
zippers on the sleeves.
You bought me a brown leather
jacket with buttons and fur on the collar.
That's right.
I didn't go through 12
hours of labor to give
birth to a son who
dresses like a hoodlum.
Frankie, I want you on before
the street lamps come on.
Frankie, you better stay
away from that subway.
You hear me?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Is that Frankie?
What's he doing?
He's riding a bike!
Is he insane?
Daddy!
Daddy, look at this.
I got a B-plus on my
report about Khrushchev.
B-plus.
Should have been an A.
Good, good, good.
Frankie, what are you doing?
Nothing. Just riding.
You like me, don't you?
Don't make me laugh.
I'll bet you want to kiss me.
I do not.
You know what?
My mother bought me a bra yesterday.
Oh, yeah?
Don't you want to kiss a... woman?
You know what this means?
We're going study.
I want to tell everybody at school.
Now you have to take me to
the junior dance on Saturday.
My father can drive us.
Oh, and wear that brown leather jacket.
I really love that.
Hey, I gotta go.
Hey, where are you going?
You better call me, Frankie.
Frankie!
Wow, Murphy.
You look beautiful.
I look ridiculous.
This dress is so stupid
and everything itches.
Are those nylons?
Brian, why are you acting
like some space alien?
Listen, why don't we just
forget about going to Lisa's
birthday party and just duck
behind the garage and smoke?
I stole three of my dad's camels.
Well, I sort of wanted to go to the party.
Lisa's parents took half of their furniture
out of the rumpus room so we could dance.
They have Johnny Mathis records.
Oh, barf!
I could beat a baseball
game with my father right now.
He was gonna take me this time.
He always says he's
going to and he never does.
But this time he was really gonna take me.
What's in the box, Brian?
This, oh, something I
was gonna give you later.
Really?
What is it?
Here.
A ring?
What kind of ring is this?
What does this mean?
It doesn't mean anything.
Yeah, it does.
It's a friendship ring.
It means we're friends.
No, special friends.
That's all.
And maybe in, say, 10 or
Married?
Brian, how many times
do I have to tell you?
I'm never getting married,
I'm never having children,
I'm never picking up anybody's
socks or cooking anybody's dinner
or looking out the window and
waiting for somebody to come home
so I have someone to talk to.
I guess I can accept that.
But next time I kiss you, can I
put my tongue in your mouth?
Yeah, okay.
I met Jake at the
Democratic Convention in 68.
We were married and it
didn't last two weekends.
But it was the most
exciting time of my life.
I just don't know who to talk to, Dad.
I really like Teresa, but
I don't think I love her.
What do you mean you don't love her?
You're engaged to her.
I know, but I don't know how that happened.
Everybody kept pushing me to do it.
I'm 21 years old, Dad.
You're a man, Frankie.
It's time to settle down
and raise a family.
That's what you're supposed to do.
That's what I did.
I'm not you!
All I know is I'm getting out of bed every
night in a cold sweat and throwing up.
Oh, Frankie, Frankie.
You just got a case
of cold feet, that's all.
It's perfectly normal to throw up.
I myself threw up before
I married your mother.
I have known you five minutes already.
I don't like you.
I mean, it's very possible we
could both land this job today.
We're both away from home.
We've got no one to celebrate with.
Maybe we could have celebrated together.
Nice restaurant, bottle of champagne.
Now it's ruined.
You are trying to pick me up, aren't you?
Of course I'm trying to pick you up.
It's a spontaneous thing that guys do.
It's a primal urge, like
how we invented fire.
It doesn't necessarily
have to mean anything.
Don't waste your time, okay?
Go try it in a disco.
I've never been to a disco.
Come on, you got Bee
Gees written all over you.
I hate the Bee Gees.
Admit it, you took hustle lessons.
And what do you listen to?
Casey and the Sunshine Band, am I right?
I don't own a record made past 1968.
Oh, yeah?
Johnny's in the basement,
mixing up the medicine.
I'm on the pavement,
thinking about the government.
Man in the trench
coat, badge out, laid off.
Says he's got a bad coff
wants to get it paid off.
Look out, kid, it's something you did.
God knows when, but you're doing it again.
Okay, you pass.
Murph. Where are we?
I have no idea.
Oh, excuse me, could you
tell me what's going on here?
It must be in New York, Frank.
Sir, whose funeral is this, sir?
Jeez, what a bunch of stiffs.
Oh, here we go.
This might tell us something.
So long...
Frank and Murphy?
No.
It can't be.
Can it?
Bobby!
Hi!
It's me, Murphy!
Lynn!
Hi, Lynn!
I'm right in front of you, Lynn.
Uh, Marv!
Marv!
Heads up, Marv!
Marv!
Right over here, Marv!
Right over here!
Frank, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Oh, come on, there's got
to be some explanation.
There is, Frank.
We're dead.
Oh, man!
We're dead and we're
here at our own funeral.
Maybe it's just me, but I'm having
a lot of trouble accepting this.
I think it's normal, Murph.
You know, I don't see Barbara Walters here.
That's a real slap in the face, isn't it?
Not showing up at my funeral.
She better have a real good
excuse or I'm gonna haunt her.
Yeah, I bet I'd be really good at that.
You know, I don't see Copple here either.
Or Donaldson, or any of
the guys from my poker game.
Sure, they come to my house,
drink my beer, throw up in
my yard, but do they show
up to pay their last respects?
No.
Oh, I say we start making a list, Frank.
We should hit Donaldson's
house tonight, walk around
his attic, rattle some
chains,
give him one of these: Get out!
Ugh, I don't know.
So, what do you want to do?
Do you want to hang back here,
or do you think we should mingle?
Oh, let's mingle.
It's the polite thing to do.
Such a tragedy.
They were so young.
Hey.
Look, there's Alan Dunn,
our videotape editors.
Aw, poor guys.
They were really attached to us.
And can you believe how cold
the b*ll*ts were in that last corner?
They couldn't sink a lamp with a ladder.
What are you telling me?
I had 50 bucks on the game.
Ah, I don't want to talk about that.
It's not what we're here for.
Yeah.
Hey, you ever get that
transmission problem solved?
I'm just gonna fix it
good enough to sell it.
Let's have some other
poor schmuck deal with it.
Sometimes guys talk about
cars to hide their sorrow.
Yeah, right.
Don and Al.
Voices in the closet.
When do you think this
service is gonna start?
I don't know, but maybe we
should go have a look at ourselves.
What?
Are you serious?
Oh, come on, Frank.
Aren't you just a little bit curious?
Come on, I want to see
if I look like I'm sleeping.
This is sick.
This is really sick.
Wait a minute.
What's this?
There's only one casket here.
That means that one of us is in that vase.
It's an urn, Frank.
Urn, vase?
What's the difference?
It's small, it's dark, and
I don't want to be in it.
Go look in the casket.
Maybe we're both in there.
Maybe that's they thought
we'd like, being best friends and all.
Put it this way, Frank.
I'm sleeping alone again.
How did this happen?
How did it happen?
Yes, just awful.
Really awful.
They say that Frank had taken the
time to learn where the exits were.
What?
Don't blame this on me, Frank.
I offered you the aisle seat, but no,
you wanted to sit near the window.
Isn't it strange how they found Murphy's
hands around that stewardess's neck?
You think you've got problems, Frank?
Look at me.
That doesn't look like me.
Oh, what are you complaining about?
At least you've got a face.
It looks like Marilyn Quayle did my hair.
And those clothes.
That jacket doesn't go with that skirt.
And the shoes are all wrong.
Who dressed me?
It was so difficult going
through Murphy's closet trying to
decide what she should wear for
her very last public appearance.
I never really liked her sense of color.
And she didn't seem to
know how to hide her flaws.
I think the peplum jacket
and the Dickie work.
What?!
I hate that Dickie!
I wouldn't be caught dead in one!
And now, look!
Dead!
In a Dickie!
What do you think I'm wearing in there?
A smoking jacket?
Hey, Blake.
Hey, Blake.
Come on, watch your backs.
Watch your backs.
Coming through.
Now what?
Excuse me, I just brought
some things from home
I thought that she might
want to be buried with.
Oh, that's very nice of you, Eldin.
Like this thing.
I caught her sleeping with it
once, so it must mean something.
Bag of her favorite chocolate chip cookies.
A few extra pounds won't hurt her now.
And one of these.
I don't know, in case she meets somebody.
Oh, great.
Nice outfit.
A Dickie and a garter belt.
I'm going to look great
at the orientation meeting.
Whoa, what happened to this guy?
I'm sorry, I didn't bring anything for you.
All I got is this tic-tac.
At least it's something.
You know, this is not going well at all.
This is not how I pictured my funeral.
And I thought Mary Hart would show up.
She knows how I feel about her.
Okay, so she's married now, but I'm dead.
I have no hands.
How much of a threat could I be?
I know what you mean.
I thought there'd be more
outpouring of emotion.
You know, the beating of breasts, the
rending of garments, that kind of thing.
This is very disappointing.
All right!
Now we got a little warming action here.
Look at him.
Good old Miles.
He's overcome with grief.
Oh, poor thing.
Look how he misses us.
This is so heartbreaking.
Oh, Miles.
Try to hold yourself together, okay?
Can you do that?
Do you think you'll be all right?
I don't know.
I never thought something
like this could happen.
The valet just sideswiped my car.
First Frank and Murphy get k*lled.
Now this!
Why you little ...
Hey, Murph, come on.
It's not gonna do any good.
If everyone will take their seats,
please, we can begin the service.
Oh, let's just go sit down, okay?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I've been asked to
lead this service today,
a dark day,
as we bid farewell to our
friends and colleagues, Murphy Brown,
and Frank Fontana.
We had actually asked
Walter Cronkite to lead the
service, but he was unable
to reschedule a haircut.
Don Hewitt, unfortunately,
had tickets to Phantom of
the Opera, which he had
paid for three months ago.
And Willard Scott was in Orlando,
celebrating the birthday of Mrs. Sylvia R.
Kleiman, who is 101 today.
Before I begin the service, there are a
few telegrams I would like to read to you.
from Dan Rather.
The world has lost a shining light, a
person of great courage and integrity.
Never again shall we see the lights
of: [insert dead person's name here].
Here's one from Diane Sawyer.
I thought I'd miss you, but I don't.
I'm sure she meant that as a joke.
Ah, finally, this from Arlene Bartow,
head of the network secretarial pool.
Enough telegrams for now.
You know,
I had a very difficult
time deciding what to say here today.
And that was because I
knew Murphy and Frank
would never even
want a funeral service.
They would have been
uncomfortable having all these
people stand here giving
long, melancholy speeches.
No, no, they really
hated that sort of thing.
What if it's our funeral?
Come on!
Murphy once told me she would
never want a show of emotion.
Yes, I would!
Which is why, in her
honor, I will not shed a tear.
Cry, you son of a... Now, I know that
there are people here who would like to say
a few words, so I'm going to
throw this open to the room.
Uh, just feel free to stand up and
make some remarks, if you wish.
The last time I saw Murphy and
Frank was the day before yesterday.
We were in a story
meeting, and they were
giving me a hard time,
like they usually do.
But on that day, I just exploded at them.
I let them rearrange their flight plans.
I told them I never
wanted them to come back.
I k*lled them.
I might as well have
been sitting in the culprit,
steering the plane towards
the side of a mountain.
It's all my fault.
How will I live with myself?
How will I carry this burden?
See, see, I... I... Whose
funeral is this, anyway?
I won't be spending the rest of
my days working through this guilt.
I'll never have a decent night's sleep.
Ew, ew.
I'll get another ulcer.
I'll develop premature hair loss.
Oh, I'll marry, but I'll alienate
my wife with tortured memories.
The stress will lower my sperm
count, and I'll be unable to reproduce.
Oh, God!
My life!
It's ruined!
If I weren't dead already, I'd k*ll myself.
I'd like to say something.
Yes, go ahead, Phil.
All right, finally, somebody's
gonna do justice to our memory.
I just wanted to say
that I really loved Murphy and Frank...
and I hope that wherever they are,
that
they're happy... and get in the big scoop.
We love you too, Phil.
I also wanted to say... and I don't
know if this is the appropriate time...
But Frank has an outstanding
lunch table of $47.22.
Now, who would be taking care of that?
Would it be you, Miles?
I'm sorry, Phil.
That was a personal
expense, and I can't approve it.
Well, somebody has to pay it.
I mean, I loved the guy, but why
should it come out of my pocket?
Phil. Phil, maybe we should settle this later.
Oh, sure.
The old runaround.
I can see the handwriting on the wall.
Please, Phil, take your seat.
Before I conclude this
service... On my money.
Is there anything else that
anyone would like to say?
Yes.
Now that they're gone, does that
mean that there are job openings?
I'm the 11 o'clock
anchor from the affiliate
in Denver, and I
brought a tape with me.
Will you please stop and
ask the questions now?
I must be dead.
I've never played that good before.
It's over, Frank.
I know.
You know, I swore I'd never do this.
I swore that when my
time came, I'd never
look back with regrets,
but I can't help it.
There are so many things I
didn't get to do, like learn to
speak Italian, read Moby d*ck
again, clean out my hall closet.
Oh, God, people are gonna open that
thing and find that video of love story.
Strange, isn't it?
You always think you
have all the time in the world.
Someday.
Right.
I used to talk to the
married guys on the road.
They used to love to complain
about the wife and kids, because...
That's what you're supposed
to do when you're a reporter
in some hotel bar in
Panama or Tehran or Detroit.
They said they envied me.
Then, they'd all go home to
their families. Have dinners
together and go to PTA meetings
and wash the dog in the yard.
And I always thought, well...
Someday.
I worked too hard.
Why did I do that?
Why couldn't I just learn to putter?
You know, just putter around the
house like other people seem to do.
I never could get the hang of that.
Oh, we wanted to leave our indelible mark.
We wanted to go down in history.
Now, look.
Our funeral's over.
People are at Phil's having a beer.
Tomorrow morning, the sun will come up.
People will go to work.
Life will go on just fine without us.
Now, wait a minute, Murph.
We weren't like everybody else.
We were different.
We were special.
Oh My God.
What is he doing?
This is like some kind of cruel,
[indistinct] carpet demonstration.
Why don't you just grind
some blueberries in there?
How about a little handful of dog hair?
I think the universe is
trying to tell us something.
Life is a blip on a radar screen.
You know, you are a real downer.
Are you gonna be like
this for the rest of eternity?
Because if you are, I'm gonna have
to find somebody else to hang out with.
All I'm saying is, is that if
I had it to do over again,
maybe I would have gotten
off my high horse a little bit.
Maybe I wouldn't have bulldozed
my way through everything.
Maybe I wouldn't have let the
air out of Spiro Agnew's tires.
Man, I still would have done that.
There's no point in talking about it now.
Can't go back and rewrite history.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Good idea, Frank.
And where exactly are we supposed to go?
Well, I don't know.
I've never been dead before.
Or... maybe they've got some kind
of check-in counter or something.
Frank?
Can I tell you something?
I'm really glad we're pals.
You're the best friend I've ever had.
Did you just hear something?
Shh.
I think it's the engines.
I think we're leveling off.
Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to
tell you that we've regained engine power.
I'll be radioing ahead to Chicago
to clear us for a priority landing.
We'll get you folks onto another
plane, and you'll be on your way.
I hope this little incident won't
keep you from flying our airline again.
There'll be no charge for the headsets.
Oh, tell me about it.
I would have to say that is
the closest I have ever come.
Me too.
Say it, Frank, what were you
thinking about a few minutes ago?
Nothing.
How about you?
Nothing.
Actually, I was thinking about something.
I was thinking that I
should take my dad fishing.
It's funny what pops into your head.
Yeah.
How long do you think it
would take to learn Italian?
For you, three, maybe four hours.
Frank.
I really owe you an apology.
I don't usually yell at the passengers,
but we appeared to be crashing, and
all of a sudden I looked at you, and I saw
the kind of guy who stands up in the aisle
to take his things out of the overhead compartment
before the plane has come to a full and complete stop.
That really ticks me off.
But I'm okay now.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it.
It's forgotten.
Thanks.
Hey, Vicky.
The next time you're in Washington,
would it be okay if I took you to dinner?
I'd like that.
One other thing.
How do you feel about
marriage, kids, and dogs?
I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.
And I'm allergic.
I'm in love.
You are some piece of work, Frank.
I know.
So, Frank, what do you say
we fritter away sometime?
I got a deck of cards here.
You're on.
Although, we're gonna
be landing in a few minutes.
Maybe I should finish
those interview questions.
Nah.
Let's fritter.
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