03x22 - Corky's Place

[bunniefuu]

Guys, guys, I was just in the executive
gym, and I heard some big news.

Miles is meeting with the network
brass, and as we speak, they're

deciding which one of us is
going to get an hour live special.

Oh, how exciting!

Wait a minute, Frank.

Why are you in such a good mood?

Well, come on.

It's got to be me, right?

I mean, my last special pulled a 39 share.

Oh, yes, and what a special it was.

You and a vice squad mistaking a senior
citizen's home as a front for a crack house.

Who could forget the image of that poor
woman, face down on the shuffleboard court?

It wasn't my fault.

They were on to us and
took off before we busted in.

But it still scored big numbers.

Better than an 11 share.

Oh, I suppose that's a shot at my


I'm fed up taking a fall for an 11 share.

The network gave me
pocket change for a budget.

Then they scheduled
it against that Facts of

Life episode when
Tootie gets a brassiere.

Well, I say the Hades with them.

Hey look, guys, my chia dog sprouted.

And people said I
couldn't take care of a pet.

Stay.

Good boy.

Murphy, have you heard the good news?

Miles is upstairs right now finding out
which one of us is going to get a special.

I think I have a good chance, too.

Jim's last special was boring, and Frank
doesn't test well with the elderly anymore.

What do you think?

I think I don't care, Corky.

A special might sound attractive,
but believe me, I've been there.

The hours are brutal, and the network's
always sticking their nose into it.

I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole.

Good morning, people!

You know, one of the real pleasures of my
job is coming down here with an exciting...

Just get on with it, Miles.

Which one of us is getting the special?

Found out, didn't you?

You found out and you told them.

Well, thanks a lot, Frank.

Hey, you know what I'm
thinking about right now?

A 72-year-old woman named Hildy.

And a shuffleboard court.

It wasn't my fault.

Miles, will you just tell us who got the
damn special so we can go back to work?

And it better not be me.

It isn't you.

Oh, well, good.

Whew, close one.

Anyway, the reason I'm so pleased to
make this announcement is because...

Just because my last
special had no lead-in.

I'm happy to make this announcement
because... Not my fault Betty Ford was boring.

As I was saying, I'm happy to
make this announcement because

it reaffirms the network's
faith in a certain person's ability.

That whatever shortcomings there
may have been in the past, that was then.

This is now.

Well, it's about time.

I agree, Jim.

So, congratulations, Corky.

You've got your first special.

I can't believe it!

I really can't believe it!

I never expected
anything like this to happen.

Well, actually, I did.

But I didn't think I should say anything
because I wanted to sound humble.

But now, I have a
special, so I just don't care!

Oh, thank you Miles!

Thank you!

Hey there, Corkarina.

What a momentous occasion, huh?

The first meeting for your first special.

I could hardly sleep last night, Miles.

My mind was just spilling
over with so many ideas.

You know, Corky, this
is a great opportunity.

You're getting the chance to show
the American public another side

of you and at the same time say
something meaningful to the people.

I could hardly agree with you more, Miles.

That's why I'm going to turn my
special into a great big tea party.

We'll do it on a set, just like my living
room, where famous guests drop by to talk

about important issues, as long as they're
not too depressing or bring everybody down.

So what do you think?

You know, I remember the day I hired you.

I said to the network,
trust me on this one.

Someday, she's gonna surprise us.

Well, you didn't make a liar out of me.

I knew you'd like it.

Now, about the guests.

I'd like to have someone on
the show of national importance.

Would this be a real person
or an animated character?

Oh Miles!
I was thinking about General Schwarzkopf.

Really?

That's great.

But then I started picturing him tracking
those dirty boots onto my nice clean set.

So I decided on Mary Anne
Mobley and Gary Collins.

They have one of the
most successful marriages in

television, and I think
America wants to know why.

Now, a second guest...

I can't decide between Mrs.

Fields, the chocolate chip
cookie magnate, or Floyd Wilkins.

Who's Floyd Wilkins?

He's a Texas man who
doesn't have a collarbone.

He rescues people who
fall down small holes.

So, let me review here, Corky.

Your living room, wacky
guests, and some tea.

I don't want to rain
on your parade, but the

network may have some
suggestions of their own.

Oh, but not better than
that collarbone guy, Miles.

You better get him before Nightline does.

Murphy, go to your room.

No, stay, Murphy.

I want your opinion on my third guest.

I'm all ears, Corky.

I wouldn't miss this for the world.

All right.

For my third guest, I'd like to have
a major network television journalist.

I think people would
be very interested in

knowing what actually
goes into getting the story.

That's not bad.

I like it.

A lot.

Oh, come on, Miles.

What self-respecting journalist would
let himself be interviewed at a tea party?

None that I can think of.

Unless that journalist is
also a close, personal friend,

willing to do a favor for
someone who really needs it.

Hey, gotta go.

Have a nice special.

See you in September.

She's getting away, Miles.

Do something.

Don't worry.

I'll handle this.

Murphy, you're fake typing again.

I can tell because you
never hit the space bar.

Stop wasting paper and listen to me.

I'm not doing it, Miles.

A good reporter doesn't
give personal interviews.

Once we become part of the
story, we sacrifice all credibility.

The next thing you know, we're
celebrity judges on Star Search.

Oh, come on!

The fact is, the journalist is a
very important part of the story.

In fact, sometimes the most
interesting part of the news is how we...

You're not doing it, Miles.

Do you mean to tell me
that you are never going to let

people know how you landed
your first Kissinger interview?

What a waste!

And the interview?

What an insight into the man.

God, I got goosebumps
just thinking about it.

Look.

You have inverted pores, Miles.

You should buy a loofah mint.

Hey, hey.

You know what's another great story?

You and Anwar Sadat.

Now tell me, that isn't the stuff
that journalistic legends are made of.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was pretty great.

I knew if I could walk with
him in the shadow of the

Great Pyramid, I could
really get him to open up.

I remember when I saw that interview,
I couldn't get out of my head for days.

Look, they're back.

Okay, Miles, I admit,
I have my share of

powerful and fascinating
stories, but still...

Remember when you played
Monopoly with the Pope?

You thought you caught him cheating?

Oh, all right, all right.

Yes!

Oh, look, here's a mention of
Corky's special on the TV page.

Really?

What does it say?

Well, let's see.

Tonight, 9 P.M., Corky's place.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Well, the main thing is
they mention the show.

Oh, look, Terrace Bulba's on at 10.

Give me that.

Corky Sherwood, FYI's cotton candy reporter, who

in the past has brought us such hard-hitting fare

as Woody Woodpecker turns 50,

hosts her own special with three live
interviews, including FYI co-anchor Murphy Brown.

We can hardly wait to hear Corky ask,

Murphy, if you were a salad dressing,
what kind would you be?

If you want depth, try the Weather Channel.

Oh, this is horrible.

What if Corky sees this?

Do you think she's seen it?

Oh, come on, Miles.

We've never actually seen
Corky read a newspaper.

The only way she'll find
out is if someone tells her.

Nobody say anything.

Hey, there she is.

Hi, Corky.

Today's the big day, huh?

Don't you people read the newspapers?

How did you see it?

I wouldn't have, except that Mr. Puffy
started bringing up a furball this morning.

I laid out some papers for
him, and that's when I saw it.

This is why I don't read the newspaper.

No, Corky, the public doesn't
put much stock in these reviews.

This fellow took some very cheap shots like
that if you were a salad dressing thing.

I never would have asked
Murphy a question like that.

And everyone knows that.

But it would have been perfect for
Mary Anne Mobley, and now I can't use it.

I can't go on the air tonight, Miles,
not after being humiliated like this.

What do you mean you can't do it?

We've got an hour of primetime to fill.

Corky, I'm on the line here, too.

I'm sorry, Miles, but millions of
people are going to watch me on

live television tonight, and
they're going to be laughing at me.

My parents will be so embarrassed they won't
even be able to walk out on the street.

I can't do it.

I just can't do it.

Corky?

Corky, honey.

How you feeling?

Good for you.

It's about time you got here.

I called you over three hours ago.

Didn't you get my message?

No!

Miles dragged me all over the entire
city looking for any place she might be.

Here, have a token for a free skate rattle.

There she is!

Miss America!

What is wrong with her?

Beer.

I didn't want to serve
her, but she got surly.

I didn't know Corky even drink beer.

How much has she had?

Half a glass.

Did you get her half a cup of coffee, Phil?

We'll talk to her.

Okay, do you know what you're gonna say?

Oh, come on, Miles.

I just came along to
make sure Corky was okay.

I'm not talking her into something
she may not be ready to do yet.

Here you go, Corky.

Corky, honey, why don't
you have some nice, hot

coffee, and then we'll
all get back to work.

No!

I told you, Miles, I can't do it!

I'm a joke, even to the people I work with.

They don't think I'm in their league
because I don't ask the tough questions.

Isn't that right, Murphy?

Hmm?

Oh, I'm sorry, Corky.

I just noticed that photograph of Mo Udall.

Has that always been there?

Oh, come on.

You never really liked my interview
with the San Diego chicken, did you?

You don't think I asked the kind
of questions you would ask, did I?

All I ever wanted was to be
as good as the rest of you.

That's why this special
was so important to me.

Okay, Corky.

Look, maybe some of what you say is true.

You don't ask the tough questions.

But you've come a long way in the
years that we've been working together.

I mean, when you first
joined FYI, you didn't

know which end of the
microphone to talk into.

But I'm telling you, when you got
Nancy Reagan to do those stomach

exercises on the air, it was a
unique moment in television.

And I'm sure that in the next few
years, you're going to come even further.

You really think that, Murphy?

I really do.

So, now, you can just sit there and let that
reviewer keep you from doing what you're

really good at, or you can show everybody
that Corky Sherwood has the right stuff.

What do you say?

I want to, but I'm scared.

You know, we all get scared
from time to time, Corky.

Take me, for instance.

I'm scared right now.

You know why?

Because if you don't get your butt
off that stool and get back to work, I'll

wind up wearing a hairnet and scooping
mashed potatoes in the commissary.

Look, I have another idea.

Instead of me coming on as the
last guest, why don't I go on first?

That way I'll be out there
with you for the entire interview.

It wouldn't hurt to have a friend close by.

It would make me feel more comfortable.

Well, there you see.

So let's do it.

You know you want to, okay?

Okay.

Yes.

What a brave corkula.

I'd never be more proud
of you than I am right now.

Thank you, Miles.

And thank you, Murphy.

I'll do my best to live
up to your standards.

Murphy,

that was an unbelievably
generous thing you just did.

One word to anybody that you
saw that tender, vulnerable side

of me, and I'll rip out your
lungs and wear them as a hat.

Okay, coming up.

In five, four, three, two.

Coming live to the floor, cue Corky.

There you go.

Oh, hello.

I'm Corky Sherwood,

and welcome to Corky's Place,
where some of my friends have gathered

for a little food, a little tea, and
a lot of good old-fashioned conversation.

And you know, at Corky's place,
you just never know who might stop by.

There's the door.

I wonder who it could be.

Murphy.

Jeez, Miles.

When you walk in, don't forget
to say hi to all the party guests.

I refuse to take orders
from a man in a bush.

You just do it, Murphy.

Oh, hi, Murphy.

How nice of you to stop by.

Come on in.

Look, everybody, it's Murphy Brown.

Hi, Murphy.

Hi.

Have a seat, Murphy.

Would you like some tea?

Oh, no, thank you.

Are you sure?

Uh, oh, okay, I guess so.

So, Murphy, what brings you by today?

Well, Corky, I just thought I'd
wish you well on your first special.

Oh, let's chat.

Good idea.

Now, Murphy, you've
had a remarkable and

often colorful career
in broadcast journalism.

Yes, yes, that's true.

As a journalist, you
must have many sources

who provide you with
privileged information.

Absolutely.

The anonymous sources of critical
importance to anyone in my field.

So then, back in the
days when you were a drunk,

did that also
mean you were a security risk.

What?

Earlier in your career, you were, in
your own words, a major booze hound.

I was just wondering,

could America trust your judgment and
accuracy reporting information?

Corky,

did I ever tell you about the
first time I interviewed Henry Kissinger?

It was in 1973.

Were you a closet drinker, Murphy?

Did you drink alone?

And this friend of mine had gotten me a
pass into the White House.

I really wanted to interview Dr. Kissinger,
but the idea of it was very intimidating.

After all, this was the man who said
that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

That brings up a very
interesting controversy.

Now, I know this is a touchy subject, but

it's been rumored

that you slept with Kissinger
in order to get that interview.

Can you tell us what you remember about it?

If I understand correctly, you
feel your aggressive reporting

style may have to do with the
fact that you rarely have sex?

It's only a theory, Corky.

I mean, maybe I deliberately
sabotage my personal

relationships because I fear
losing some professional edge.

Can I just go back and clarify
what I said about my father?

When I said he beat the women
in his life, I meant that figuratively.

He was a strong man who, from an early
age, used intimidation to get results.

Isn't it time for Mrs. Fields?

Oh, you know, you're right.

My goodness, doesn't time just fly by.

Murphy, the next time
we do another Corky's

Place, I hope you can
drop by and visit us again.

In the meantime, thank you for sharing
your life, your pleasure, and your pain.

Can I go now?

America, don't you touch that dial.

Corky's Place will be back
with another exciting guest

right after...
Shh, Corky.

Oh, look, everyone.

It's our stage manager, John.

Has everyone met John?

Come on out here, John.

Come on, don't be shy.

Everyone, say hi to John.

Hi, John.

Hi.

How are you doing today, John?

Oh, okay.

I bet you can't wait to have some of Mrs.
Field's famous chocolate chip cookies.

Well, actually,

she's, uh,

she's not here anymore.

She left?

Yeah, with Gary and Mary Ann.

Well, I guess if they can't take the heat,
they should just stay out of the kitchen.

That's part of the excitement
of live television, isn't it?

You just never know
what's going to happen next.

We'll be back

with more Murphy

after this.

Oh, God.

Murphy?

Murphy, honey?

How you feeling?

Come on my show.

We'll have tea.

We'll chat.

And then, I'll disembowel you.

Oh, God, how did this happen?

Oh, now look, it wasn't all that bad.

There were some parts of the
show that were very touching.

Like that story you told
about setting one of your

mother's wigs on fire
just to get her attention.

I thought I actually saw your eyes well up.

Now, you listen to me, Phil.

I didn't cry, you got that?

She didn't make me cry.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

I don't want any trouble, Murphy.

You got a score to settle,
you go outside in the street.

Get away from me, you little vulture!

You've already picked the last
pieces of flesh off my carcass.

Now why don't you just
leave me here to rot?

Oh, Murphy.

I'm so sorry about what happened.

I wish you knew how
really, really awful I feel.

Great special, Corky.

I really loved it.

Oh, thank you.

I had a lot of fun doing it.

You know, Corky, I don't
know how you did it, but you

single-handedly destroyed a
reputation it took 42 years to build.

I used to be feared.

Respected.

Now, I'm an object of pity.

That's why I have to k*ll you, Corky.

Murphy, I'm so sorry you're upset,

but I did it because I
admire and respect you.

I did what I thought you would
have done in the same situation.

For the first time, I
asked the tough questions.

I didn't back off.

And I got someone to talk about their
life in a way they'd never done before.

It's an interview you
would have been proud of.

I'm right, aren't I, Murphy?

Well, Corky, as I see it,

there are a couple of ways I can go.

I can leave the country
and try to get a job at a

cable station at one of the
lesser-known Baltic states.

Or I can follow the same advice I gave you.

I can get up, dust myself
off, and keep on going.

And I guess that's what I'll do.

Good for you, Murphy.

But not before I do this.

Okay.

Good.

So we're even.

I'll let you know when we're even.