13x22 - Subscription Model

[bunniefuu]

Welcome to "Last Week Tonight".

I'm John Oliver. Thank you so much
for joining us. It has been a busy week.

The national debt topped


Trump threatened to b*mb Oman,
and at a debate in South Carolina,

Lindsey Graham's sister,
who's running to take his seat,

gave a trainwreck of an answer.

Are Taiwan and the South China Sea
national security issues for the US?

If so, why?

I'm sorry,
could you repeat the question?

Are Taiwan and the South China Sea
national security issues for the US?

And if so, why or how?

I'm just gonna be honest here,
I'm not on national security…

I'm not that informed
on national security, so…

But I do support the military.

Yeah, pretty bad!
And you know what?

I will give Darline Graham the same
advice I'd give Liam Hemsworth:

you don't have to do this
just because your brother did.

But I want to focus on a less-covered
story from this week

involving Sean Duffy,
secretary of transportation.

You may remember, a few months back,
he unveiled this weird trailer

for "The Great American Road Trip",

a show supposedly celebrating
America's 250th anniversary.

What a beautiful family.

Can you say hi to Mr. President?
Can you say hi to President Trump?

- Taking a little trip?
- Yes.

A little trip all over.

So, the motto is, "To love America
is to see America."

It's more than a road trip.
It's a civic experience.

It's one of the most powerful ways
to understand the vast, beautiful,

complicated place we call home.

One, two, three, road trip!

Okay, lots not to like there,
from the generic "hey h*" folk rock,

to Trump giving insane
"Grandma's new boyfriend" vibes,

to the very conspicuous close-up
of the Toyota logo,

to the seemingly AI-generated images
of cars, which makes sense.

No one's ever thought
to film a real car before.

When "The Great American Road Trip"
was announced, they sold it pretty hard.

Duffy's wife, Fox host
Rachel Campos-Duffy,

even claimed it was a solution
to what ails us as a nation.

I'm gonna be really honest,
we live in a Pornhub world.

This is really wholesome,
good family stuff.

This is what families need to do,

is just get together,
that's what our kids want from us.

Is it? Because I think
what every kid really wants

is for their mom not to say
the word "Pornhub" on national TV.

Also, she clearly hasn't spent
a lot of time on that site,

she'd know "families getting together"
is very much its own category.

But the show
quickly became controversial,

with people asking things like, "You
know gas is over 4 dollars a gallon?"

and "Did you film a reality show
with your family

when you were supposed to be
running a cabinet department?"

and "Who is paying for this, exactly?"

And the answers that Duffy gave
weren't reassuring.

He says production took place in
short windows over seven months.

Someone has to pay for
this operation. I gotta go to work.

Duffy did conduct official government
business, paid for by taxpayers,

in some of the locations
where filming took place.

But he says no taxpayer money
was used on his family,

and that the series was funded
through a nonprofit production company

called Great American Road Trip, Inc.

It lists 17 sponsors on its website,
including Boeing, Toyota, Shell,

Royal Caribbean Group
and United Airlines,

all companies Duffy's department
oversees and regulates.

Yeah, that's not great. The only worse
answer to "who paid for this?"

than "the American taxpayer" is "a bunch
of companies I oversee and regulate."

Actually, I suppose
an even worse answer would be

"a bunch of companies
I oversee and regulate,

and also my close personal
friend Jeffrey Epstein."

But that is still pretty bad.

And this show cannot have been
cheap to produce,

given Toyota and Boeing alone

reportedly paid a million dollars
each to help get it made.

So, it is no surprise Duffy wound up

having to answer questions
about it in Congress.

And his defense was noticeably weak.

It is literally your job

to make sure each of those
companies are playing by the rules.

Can I answer the question?

Toyota is sponsoring a show starring
you, and it is your department…

Do you hate America?
Don't you want to celebrate America?

Let's celebrate this country.
It's our birthday.

"It's our birthday"?
You sound like a f*cking child!

You do get that just because
it's America's birthday

doesn't mean you get to do an ethics
violation, right? Grow up, Sean!

This show was supposed
to come out in June,

but all the scrutiny seemed
to delay it,

with Duffy at one point saying
they needed to re-edit

to "make sure I come into compliance
with all of the ethics rules

that we have in government",

which is definitely something best
done hastily after the fact.

But this Wednesday,
with no warning,

all six episodes
were quietly dumped on YouTube.

And before I talk about the show,

a bit of context about why Duffy
might've thought this was a good idea.

Because he has long
loved being on camera.

He was actually on "The Real World:
Boston" back in the late '90s,

where he presented
himself as deeply horny.

In his audition, he reportedly said
he wanted to be on the show

because of his interest in "cute girls"
and when "asked by a producer

how many times he'd had sex
in the last six months",

he, and I'm quoting here,
"flashed a big smile"

and responded, "Three times.
Three different individuals, yeah.

And three different times,"

adding, "I'm sort
of starving right now, guys."

And I gotta say,
"I had sex with three different women,

none of whom
were interested in an encore"

says a lot more about you than
I think you wanted to reveal there.

Now, on the show,
Duffy got attention

for annoying the f*ck
out of his Black castmate Kameelah,

who he fought
with over affirmative action,

complaining he could've gotten
in to a better college

"if I were a Black male"

and at another point
comparing her to Adolf Hitler

while accusing her
of reverse racism.

And while, sadly,
Duffy didn't find a cute girl

to have his fourth sex with
in the "Real World" house,

he did actually
meet his wife soon afterward,

during the spin-off
"Road Rules: All Stars".

In fact, here they are,
flirting on camera,

after which the show cuts away to
this incredible confessional interview.

I'm a playful person,

and I'll go and just play
with people in probably a sexual way,

and I think it can be perceived
in the wrong way,

and I think she might take
my actions as me liking her

and wanting to get down with her,
and maybe feel a little boobies.

Well, it's official. We found it:
the worst possible answer

to the question, "So, how
did you and Mom meet?"

Also for the record,

no one over the age of six should
be saying the word "boobies".

After that point, you call them
"breasts," and then when you're 90,

you get to call them "knockers"
without anyone correcting you.

That is the deal.

Anyway,
Duffy eventually ran for Congress,

where he served four terms,
then became a TV pundit

and co-host of a right-wing
podcast with his wife,

featuring episodes like, "Is Wokeism
the United States' Cultural Revolution?"

and "Why Taylor Swift Is the Sign
of a Declining Society."

Last year,
he joined the Trump administration

as transportation secretary, bringing
all his culture-w*r energy to that job,

including, after a deadly
plane crash outside D.C.,

absurdly suggesting
DEI had played a role, saying,

"You can't focus on diversity, equity,
and inclusion

when you try to hire
air traffic controllers."

And yet somehow,
with all his responsibilities,

Duffy still managed to find time to film
"The Great American Road Trip".

And while its marketing materials
described it

as a nationwide storytelling movement
that invites Americans

to explore the open road
and connect with their communities,

as we learned this week,
that's not really what it is at all.

Because it turns out, it's basically
just an expensively produced test run

of a Duffy family reality show,

with each episode featuring a bare
minimum about travel or America,

but a ton
of manufactured reality TV drama

around the Duffys doing stuff
like planning a family party,

or,
over the course of several episodes,

watching their daughter decide
which college she'll attend.

A debate, incidentally, that Sean wades
into, in exactly the way you'd expect.

If I do get in,
I feel like you can't say no.

- To Harvard?
- Yeah.

Well, me and Mom can say no.

Catholicism to us is everything.

It's the basis of our marriage.
It's the basis of our family.

So, I'm nervous about the idea
of Paloma going to Harvard.

Listen, I think my problem is we have
thought about how we've raised you,

and how hard we've worked to raise
what is a remarkable young girl.

If I send you there,
I think what happens is,

they have professionalized
figuring out how they can take

good young girls like you
and, I think, corrupt their minds.

What the f*ck
are you talking about?

First, this was supposed
to be a road trip,

why are we still in your kitchen?

Second,
is there anything less relatable

than a family whose conflict is,

"How do I tell my daughter
she can't go to Harvard

because we did
too good a job raising her?"

And finally, please,
don't be worried

that Harvard's going to corrupt
your daughter's mind.

Worry that, if she goes there,
like every other Harvard grad,

she's never gonna shut the f*ck up
about it.

One of this show's writers
went to Harvard,

and guess how I know that.
Exactly!

I don't know
where any of the others went.

But if you think
that moment is uncomfortable,

they also go to Boston
to visit the "Real World" house,

where Duffy tries
to rewrite some history.

Kameelah and I…

The house was set up
for the two of us to room together.

We got along well, though.
It was fun. It was good.

- You called her a b*tch.
- I did not.

I'm sorry, you didn't?

You're saying that
you didn't call Kameelah a b*tch?

Let's go to the tape, Sean.

I walked up ahead of the group
and I called her a b*tch.

Yeah, you did. You did call her that.

Call me CVS, Sean, because
I will always bring the receipts.

But maybe what's most noticeable
about "The Great American Road Trip"

is that whatever
last-minute edits were made to it

seem to have cut a lot of stuff out.

A bunch of stuff from
the trailer is now missing,

including visits with country
musician John Rich, and also Kid Rock,

who, and this is true, are apparently
two completely different people.

But more conspicuously,

they've also removed a whole tour
of a cruise ship

operated by one of the show's
big sponsors, Royal Caribbean.

Although notably, other sponsors
still get some airtime,

with the show featuring the family
touring a Boeing factory

in South Carolina, and visiting
a Waymo test facility in Arizona,

where Duffy calls the company
"the future of transportation".

But perhaps the clunkiest moment
that got left in

involves what sure seems
like sponsor integration

for one of the show's backers,
the Electronic Payments Coalition,

a lobbying group representing
credit card companies.

Because in one episode,
when the family goes to lunch,

out of nowhere, Naomie Olindo, former
cast member on "Southern Charm",

turns up and suddenly
steers the conversation

in a very specific direction.
See if you can spot it.

- I'm getting married in July…
- Congratulations!

Thank you so much.
I'm a frugal person

and I want to be, like, smart
with my money.

Planning a wedding and, like,
a honeymoon and stuff,

and all that can get so expensive.

And we booked our entire
honeymoon with points.

- Like, the entire thing.
- I did too.

- You did?
- Yeah, yeah.

People can come here on points,
and then the more they go out to eat,

they shop, where they stay,
they use their cards

and they're still earning points
while being here.

So, I mean, it might be girl math,
but to me that sounds amazing,

and it really makes sense.

What a natural conversation!
Just a normal, extended monologue

about the flexibility
of credit card points,

delivered to a table of bored children
who, and I know I'm projecting here,

have definitely been told that if
they interrupt her or make any noise,

she's gonna have to go back to
the start and do the whole thing again.

And look, I don't really give a sh*t

if Sean Duffy and his wife want
to become the next Duggars,

or John and Kate,
or Alec and Hilaria Baldwin.

What's concerning is them doing it

on the back
of the Department of Transportation.

Because it feels ethically dubious
on so many levels.

Which may be why, at this point,

everyone involved in
"The Great American Road Trip"

seems like they'd rather
just sweep this under the rug.

Since it came out, the Duffys have
barely promoted the show,

and the Department of Transportation
hasn't posted about it at all.

It is no wonder hardly anyone
seems to have watched this thing.

But even if everyone involved

wants to move on
and act like it never happened,

I'm not sure
that the rest of us should.

Because the appearance of a conflict
of interest is not going to go away.

For a start, the Department
of Transportation right now

has two open
investigations into Waymo,

for its self-driving cars driving
around a stopped school bus

and striking a child
in the area of a school.

And as one expert
in government ethics has said,

"There is every reason
not to trust Duffy

to be protecting public safety
when it comes to Waymo,

because he's accepted this gift."

Thankfully,
a government watchdog group

has filed both an official complaint
and FOIA requests to find out

more about how all of this happened.
Which is good.

Because I've gotta say, having watched
all three hours of this godawful show,

from gender reveals to the Duffys
renewing their vows for no clear reason,

it feels less like the country's been
taken on a road trip by Sean Duffy,

and a lot more like we've all
been taken for a f*cking ride.

And now, this.

And Now: Nobody Does a Transition
to an Ad Read Like Ben Shapiro.

All the worst people are very
excited about Lindsey Graham's death.

All the worst people.

But listen, whenever you talk about
mortality or the passage of time,

it's a big reminder that
you don't have time to waste.

That's just a reality.
We just had a baby.

That means we are super-duper busy.
There's no time to waste.

And that's also true
when it comes to your business.

We all have our own time-saving
hacks for everyday life.

If you're a business owner, how can you
save time hiring? ZipRecruiter.

Listen, what
Mamdani is doing right here,

it's not realistic, obviously.
It's utopian and really ugly,

and it violates every basic
principle of Econ 101.

He's not interested
in saving money or efficiency.

But if you're interested in saving
money, or doing efficiency,

obviously check out my friends
at PureTalk.

Coming up, the president
rips on election machines.

He says they're not working properly,
or at least they are vulnerable.

But here's what you need working
properly: your cell phone coverage.

It turns out that when you import
a bunch of Third World people

who are also radically Muslim, you
might have a bit of a crime problem.

I know these things are shocking.
You know what's not shocking?

That it's very hot today in Florida.
It's hot every day in Florida

this time of year, and this is why
you need a mattress that breathes.

Candace Owens, why was she
so obsessed with Charlie Kirk?

What was up with that obsession?
But speaking of obsession,

I'm obsessed with Balance of Nature.
Balance of Nature products, excellent.

Moving on. Our main story tonight
concerns subscriptions.

The way that HBO, from the very start,
made money.

And while I don't need to show you
this old promo for it, I do want to.

This house is hopping,
people having a ball,

laughing and clapping,
watching it happen

on the HBO Knockout Fall.

The HBO Knockout Fall is here
with blockbuster movies

like "Rambo: First Blood Part II",
"Jagged Edge", "Silverado", "Cocoon".

Just call this number and order
cable TV and HBO.

You'll save 50% on installation

and get this telephone
alarm clock absolutely free.

It's magnificent!
What happened to this company?

Nowadays, when you sign up for
HBO Max, all you get is access to this.

But HBO used to throw in
alarm clock phones

that doubled as weapons that you could
throw at your boyfriend during a fight,

a theme song,
and a cartoon mom and dad

who you can tell
go absolutely feral after dark.

Those two have never met a bed they
didn't wreck, shred, and moisten.

And if you are shocked

about how graphically I'm discussing
these innocent cartoons,

remember, this is HBO,
you pay for the filth.

Specifically, I want to talk about
the fact that more and more things

seem to have shifted
to a subscription model nowadays.

You've probably noticed how we've
gone from buying music and movies

to simply paying
a monthly fee to access them.

But subscriptions
have also expanded to everything,

from clothing, to beauty products,
to cleaning services, to even this.

Taco Bell now testing
a taco subscription service.

It works like this. Customers pay
five to 10 dollars a month

for what's called a Taco Lover's Pass.

That lets them get one of a variety
of tacos every day for 30 days.

It's true.
Taco Bell's apparently offered

something called
the "Taco Lover's Pass".

Which is, coincidentally,
also what the news headline will read

when people inevitably die from eating
Taco Bell every day for a month.

Subscriptions
are now basically everywhere.

And many of us don't even realize
how much we spend on them,

as one survey found Americans paid

more than twice what they thought
they did for monthly subscriptions,

and nearly half report
they still pay for one

that they'd forgotten about
or didn't use.

And look, I am not saying

that this is the biggest problem
that we face in the world right now,

that's obviously a three-way tie
between the w*r in Iran,

diarrhea lettuce and what's happening
in the donut industry.

Guys, we're doing too much.
Froot Loops? On a donut?

The options should be icing,
sprinkles, and that is it.

Donuts don't need a special
toppings bar. They're donuts.

They're not frozen yogurt.
Now, she needs help,

she needs lipstick, a push-up bra,
and as many crumbled up M&Ms

as you can shovel on her,
but donuts are a natural beauty,

leave them be.

But subscriptions
are a universally annoying problem,

and they are something
that people do love to yell about.

There are
so many hard things in life.

Why is cancelling
a subscription one of them?

And I'm talking to you, Paramount+.
I'm talking to you.

Cancelling my Sirius XM
almost broke my f*cking brain.

In the how-to section, it says,
how to end your subscription.

Go to "end subscription" button,
but it doesn't exist.

Then I had to chat to the chatbot,

and I didn't have time
to chat to the chatbot.

All I wanted to do was cancel
my subscription.

I didn't even have manners.
All I said is, cancel my subscription.

"Hi, please
just give us a few details."

Cancel my subscription.

"Please let us know how we can keep
you." Cancel my f*cking subscription!

That is just
an excellent use of TikTok.

I do think we need an outlet where
we can vent about daily annoyances,

especially given that priests
must be tired of hearing it by now.

"Do you have something
you'd like to confess, my child?"

Yeah, why are mobile orders
that came through

after in-restaurant orders
prepared first? Tell me that, God?

It's bullshit!

So given all that, tonight,
let's talk about subscriptions,

how out of hand they're getting,

the tricks companies use
to lock you into them,

and one simple solution that could give
consumers at least some power back.

And let's start by acknowledging
that certain things, like newspapers,

have long had
a subscription component.

But the internet has made it
much easier

to apply a subscription model
to basically everything,

and I do mean everything,
from the Apocabox,

which sends you doomsday
prep supplies,

to BoneBox, which I'll let
this YouTuber tell you about.

This is the BoneBox,
and it comes from Skulls Unlimited.

And yes,
it is what you might think it is.

It is a box of bones.

This is a 30 dollar mystery box.
It does contain a skull.

Now, they had two… Not human.
They do have two tiers.

This is a 30 dollar one.

And here is the skull.
So, that is an American mink's.

Okay, I'll be honest:

I didn't think you were talking
about human skulls there,

until you quickly said,
"Not human!"

And now, I'm just not so sure.

But it's not just boxes of bones
people subscribe to,

it's also how many of us
consume media nowadays.

You can get subscriptions for books,
for music and for TV and movies.

And all of that is the end result
of a much larger shift

that started in the late '90s,

when Netflix launched
its DVD-rental subscription service

and companies like Salesforce

pioneered a cloud-based subscription
model for software,

or what we now call
"software as a service",

with Adobe and Microsoft
soon following them.

Before long, any product or service

that could be repackaged
as a subscription started becoming one.

Even appliances and devices
that you used to be able to buy

and own outright
started becoming "smart products",

with a subscription component.

You can now find this model
used in everything,

from baby alarm clocks,
to smoke alarms, to light bulbs,

to even litter boxes, perfect
for anyone who's ever thought,

"I wish there was a way to make it more
expensive for my cat to take a sh*t."

And the auto industry, in particular,

has started leaning
into subscriptions hard.

Eight bucks a month for remote start
on certain Toyotas.


enhanced cruise control.

Hands-free
cruise control sure is nice,

but are you willing to pay


So, if your car payment
is 600 bucks a month, it's now 675.

General Motors expects subscriptions
to bring in

as much as 25 billion dollars
a year by 2030,

just under what
Netflix earned last year.

Part of me says, well, you've
already bought the hardware,

so, you know, just let me use it.

Yeah, GM plans to eventually rake in,
from subscriptions alone,

revenue comparable to that of Netflix.

Which is shocking,
given that GM, unlike Netflix,

doesn't even offer you the chance
to see L.A.'s most Botox-ed realtors

wearing the least practical outfits
you have ever seen.

Their skin is on display,
their shoes are legally stilts,

and there is simply no way for them
to pee until they get home.

And sometimes,
you might not even realize

that you're buying a product
with a subscription component,

until after the fact.

For instance, HP now sells printers

with a subscription service
called "Instant Ink".

And just watch the nasty surprise
that this woman got

when her new printer's
free trial expired.

I went to print, like,
a packing label or something,

and it just wouldn't print at all,

there's no message on my computer
that was explaining it.

And the reason it's not printing says,
"Payment method needs updating."

Cannot print
with the installed cartridge.

As you can see,
this page has printed fine.

That's infuriating. I would be so mad
if I'm trying to print something out

and my printer keeps printing out
a page that says, I can't print.

Maggie's printer still had ink in it
when it stopped working.

It turns out that when your
Instant Ink subscription expires,

or if you cancel it, HP
remotely kills your cartridges.

Yeah, that's pretty annoying, isn't it?
She understandably assumed

she owned the ink that came with her
printer, but suddenly couldn't use it.

Which does feel like a waste.
Although I'll tell you

one purchase she made that definitely
wasn't a waste there,

and I think we all know what it is.

Say it with me, everyone:
the nails, honey. That's right.

Look at the color combo, the design,
the shape… My God, the shape.

It's like a junior stiletto
with a whiff of almond.

Nails like that tell me three things
about that woman:

she's got taste, she's got style
and she doesn't f*ck around.

A person with those nails
does not make decisions lightly.

I am positive if she knew
signing up for that subscription

would give HP remote control
of her ink cartridges,

she'd have said to them
what I assume she says

to anyone asking her
to open a can of soda:

sorry, that is someone else's journey,
not mine.

But as irritating as that is,
there's an obvious reason

companies love this model,
as HP's CEO told investors,

"We make more money
per customer

when they're in
the subscription program."

And that money is consistent,
recurring revenue.

But the benefits for companies
don't even stop there,

as subscriptions also give them access
to a sh*t-ton of data about you.

Here is a former Salesforce executive,
who now runs a company

that helps businesses manage
their subscription services,

laying out his pitch to clients.

What you really need to do

is you really need to think
of what is it that you're really after.

Companies like Whirlpool or GE,

they really deal with their customers
once every seven years or so

when they buy a new product.

And so, these manufacturers
are realizing

we're in, like, 70% of the households
in the U.S.

and we should be able to collect
information about people

and understand what do they do,
how often do they eat,

how often are they cooking,
how often do they use their microwave,

how often
are they washing their clothes

and think about
a whole different service.

So, imagine instead
of having a washing machine,

it's a smart washing machine.
It knows how often you're using it.

When you run out of detergent,
detergent shows up in the mail.

It knows that you just had a child,
so you're gonna be using it more often.

It actually adjusts to your needs.

That is so unsettling to me! No company
needs to know I had a child.

There is a reason that you start
birth announcements

with, "Dear family and friends"
and not,

"To whom it may concern
at the Whirlpool Corporation."

And it's also just unnecessary. If you
want to know if someone's had a kid,

there are way more obvious clues
than them washing more clothes.

How about: are their eyes hollow?

Do they look like they're taking,
at most, two showers a week?

Do they spend the one hour a day
they get to themselves

watching "Beast Games"
in a catatonic state?

Does a barista getting
their coffee order wrong

elicit "Steel Magnolias"-level sobs?

Are they wearing a backpack
in a restaurant?

Those are all easy ways to spot a new
parent that crucially don't involve

spying on them through
their f*cking washing machine!

Now, obviously, there is a pretty
simple solution for you here:

don't buy these smart products.

And if you don't want a subscription
anymore, just cancel it.

But while that is easy to say,
canceling can be way harder

to pull off in practice,
and for a few key reasons.

First, let's admit, as a species,
people can just forget.

In fact, anytime subscriptions
get covered on the news,

someone invariably
offers a confession like this.

Guys, this is so funny
because yesterday I realized

that my gym account has been
charging me twice every month

for the past, like, four months.

I forgot that I was subscribed
to Apple TV for six months.

I made this list, and I realized that
three or four of the services I had,

I had just not used in years.
One of them being an e-fax service.

Am I on national television
admitting right now

that I had a fax service?

Look, I am trying
not to be judgmental here,

but you didn't know you were paying
for an e-fax service for years?

I think it genuinely
might be less embarrassing to admit

you wrote in "Jill Stein"
in the 2020 election.

I would rather stand outside
the "Today" show

and hold up a sign reading, "People
were wrong about 'Madame Web'",

than admit something like that.

But sometimes it's less people
forgetting they had a subscription

and more them not realizing that they
signed up for one in the first place,

which can be easy to do.

Maybe you signed up for a bundle,
so you subscribed to, say, Lyft Pink

and they threw in a year
of Grubhub+,

and you didn't realize
that after a year,

Grubhub+ automatically converts
into a paid subscription.

Companies have gotten very good
at making it incredibly easy

to sign up
for subscriptions by accident,

often by employing
what are called "dark patterns",

which I know sounds like the title

of Jeremy Renner's next album
of song-like sound mistakes,

but it's a term describing companies
using deceptive design choices

to manipulate you into making
decisions you might not have intended.

Take Amazon Prime, which in addition
to offering free shipping,

also provides access to some of the
best shows that only your dad watches.

Prime has been a massive success
for Amazon.

It's the main driver behind
the more than 44 billion dollars

Amazon made
on subscriptions last year.

But a few years back,
the company got into big trouble

after the FTC claimed
it had used a variety of dark patterns

to trick people
into signing up for Prime,

with this reporter
describing just one of them.

So, originally, Amazon Prime
was 99 dollars a year.

It's up to 149 a year now.
But let's show you real fast here.

So, like, you put something in your
cart, you go to the payment page,

you click the yellow button

as you go to process
your way through the checkout.

This is the payment page.
We forward one page here.

What you get is when you go
to check out, you get a pop-up.

And instead of the yellow button
that you would have been clicking

all the way to just kind
of proceed as normal, all of a sudden,

the "sign up for Amazon" button
is the yellow one now

and the "proceed as normal"
button is not.

Yeah, that's pretty sneaky.

And it is easy to see
how someone could fall for that,

particularly if they speak English
as a second language,

or are older and less tech-savvy,
or they can't read at all.

The point is, it sure seems like Amazon
was being deliberately confusing there.

In fact, a former Amazon
employee literally told reporters,

quote, "We have been
deliberately confusing."

And not only are there internal
Amazon documents stating,

"The issue of accidental Prime
sign-ups is well documented",

but in several cases,

fixes for these issues were
actually proposed and considered,

but because they resulted in lower
subscription growth when tested,

they were shelved by executives.
Because of course they were!

But while companies clearly go out
of their way to make it incredibly easy

to subscribe, they can make
canceling a f*cking nightmare.

Take LA Fitness. You can sign up
for a membership there online,

but as the FTC pointed out last
year, canceling it was a lot harder.

The FTC says
LA Fitness and its sister brands

didn't just make canceling
memberships difficult,

they made it nearly impossible.

The agency accuses
the gym's parent companies

of forcing some consumers
through a maze of red tapes.

Some had to print long forms requiring
long forgotten login credentials,

while others had to show up in person
and speak with a specific manager

who was often unavailable.

In some cases, people were required
to send certified mail just to cancel.

And even after some members
contacted their banks to stop payments,

they allege the companies
continued to charge them,

sometimes
under new account numbers.

Yeah, that is ridiculous!
And look, to be fair,

gyms have made it hard to cancel
memberships for years now.

It is so well-known, it was literally
a subplot on an episode of "Friends".

It was one of the more relatable
scenarios that g*ng found themselves in

with perhaps the least relatable

being when Joey met Prince
Andrew's ex-wife Fergie

and didn't ask her
what she knew and when.

But nowadays, everything feels
like a gym membership.

And companies can use
some of the same dark patterns

that got you into a subscription
to confuse you

when you're trying to get out of it.

To give you just one example,
take HelloFresh.

Until recently, here's what you had
to do to cancel your subscription:

you'd go to your account page, and
then have to scroll down to the bottom,

where you'd find a bolded
"pause my deliveries" button,

and a less obvious "cancel" one.

If you hit "cancel",
it took you to a page

listing all the benefits of subscribing,
with a bolded button to stay subscribed,

and then, further down,
an un-highlighted "cancel" button.

But let's say you hit "cancel" again.
At that point, you'd have to tell them

why you're canceling by clicking
one of a number of reasons.

You could not proceed
unless you'd picked one.

And then it'd take you to a page
offering you a fix for that complaint,

with, again, a highlighted button
to stay subscribed,

and an un-highlighted
"cancel anyway" box.

If you clicked on that box, it would
finally cancel your subscription,

while also, after you've gotten used
to clicking un-highlighted buttons

to keep cancelling, an un-highlighted
one to undo the f*cking cancellation!

And look, you might be thinking,
"Well, look, if you just pay attention

and read what you're clicking
on, you should be fine."

But here's the thing:
"pay attention" and "read"

are two very difficult things to ask
of the entire population all the time,

and companies are banking on that.

And it is by no means
just HelloFresh.

In fact, in the same lawsuit
where the FTC accused Amazon

of tricking people
into signing up for Prime,

it pointed out just how hard they
made it for you to undo that mistake.

It also claims Amazon
made it very difficult

to navigate
canceling a Prime subscription,

with a four-page, six-click,
and 15-option process the FTC says

Amazon called "Iliad," after
the nearly 16,000-line ancient poem.

Yeah, that's pretty telling, isn't it?

You don't name something the "Iliad"
because it's easy to get through.

You do that because it's a dense slog
that makes you want to k*ll yourself.

If you wanted a literary shorthand
for something easy to get through

and obvious to figure out,
you'd name it "The Da Vinci Code".

Remember, the answer
to the riddle is "apple".

Don't worry, that's only a spoiler
if you're a complete idiot.

Amazon ultimately settled that case
for two and a half billion dollars

and had to make changes
to its process,

though it still denies it ever tried
to deceive Prime members. And, sure.

But again, Amazon is not alone.

Uber, Match, Vonage and Shutterstock
have all faced similar lawsuits.

Some companies will go even further
to trap you into subscriptions.

Adobe, for instance,
has made it a practice to charge

a hefty "early termination fee"
to end subscriptions,

but as the FTC put it,
they hid the relevant details

"in fine print and behind
optional textboxes and hyperlinks."

And they definitely knew
what they were doing,

given, in internal emails,
one employee wrote

there'd be absolutely no way to k*ll
off that early termination fee,

or talk about it more obviously,
without taking a big business hit,

and that the fee
was "a bit like heroin for Adobe".

Which isn't good! Describing anything
as "a bit like heroin" is bad,

even if it is something harmless.

If you described
your boyfriend's obsession

with basketball player Luka Doncic
as "a bit like heroin",

I'd tell you to dump him and
I'd tell him to get a real personality.

And that is me being polite.

Because if you asked me
after I've had a few cosmos,

I'd tell you to stop choosing men
that ignore you like your father,

but we all know
you're not ready to hear that.

And while Adobe and other companies
will rationalize all of this

as just giving customers greater
flexibility and convenience,

it is clear
people are fed up with this.

Frustration with subscriptions
may be the one remaining thing

that actually unifies all of us
across party lines.

Which is incredible, as it seems
we can't even agree

on simple things nowadays,
like Super Bowl performers,

or which Pokémon would be
the most delicious.

And I know
what you're thinking.

I know what you're thinking:
Gyrados or a Magikarp,

something like that,
maybe Psyduck.

But the very fact that you're
not even open to Ditto

is why this is such
a point of discussion.

So, what can we do here? Well, there's
stuff you can do on a personal level.

You can check your bank
accounts for recurring charges.

On iPhones, if you go into settings,
tap your name, and then "subscriptions",

you can see everything
you've subscribed to via the App Store.

There's actually a similar feature
on Android.

Try not to sign up for any free trials

without setting
a reminder to cancel them.

And if you've been paying
for an e-fax service for years,

just throw your phone into a river,
you can't be trusted with it anymore!

But it shouldn't just be on individuals
to have to fight all this bullshit.

And there's actually a policy solution

that'd fix a bunch
of what you've seen tonight,

and it was pushed by Biden's
head of the FTC, Lina Khan.

It's called "click-to-cancel",

and when you hear it described,
it sounds pretty reasonable.

Under this new click-to-cancel rule,
cancelling must be quick and easy.

So, if you signed up online, there
needs to be a click-to-cancel option.

So, if you sign up in person,

the FTC will require the option
to cancel over the phone or online.

Now, the FTC also says companies
must make information easy to find

before obtaining
your billing information

and consumers must be informed

of what they're agreeing to
before signing up.

Right!
That sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

And it's kind of shocking that we even
needed the government to require that.

If Starbucks announced
a new company policy

of "the display bagels are not to be
used for anything other than eating",

I'd have a lot of questions about why
wasn't already a rule to start with.

But unfortunately, last summer,

just days before click-to-cancel
was supposed to take effect,

it was voided by one of the most
conservative federal courts

on procedural grounds.

And while Trump's FTC has hinted
they might draft their own rule,

we'll see what that looks like
or if it even happens.

And I should say, some states
have enacted their own protections.

California was one of the first to do
that, and just this year,

both Virginia and Louisiana

passed their own versions
of click-to-cancel.

Meanwhile, New York City has
a version taking effect here in October.

In fact, if you live somewhere
without good protections

and are struggling
to cancel a subscription,

one thing
some people have said works

is simply changing your
location to California,

as that can apparently sometimes
force a service

to offer you
a click-to-cancel option.

But obviously,

"pretend to live in California"
should not be the system here.

And for the last time,
I do know subscriptions

are not the most pressing issue
in the world right now.

Because that would be w*r,
poop, and pick-me donuts.

Remember, we all agreed on that.
But it is frustrating

that there is a tantalizingly easy fix
to a ubiquitous problem within reach,

and we can't seem to have it.

It's honestly incredibly rare

that we end up discussing a story
on this show

where the solution is simply "there
should just be a button for that."

But when it comes to subscriptions,
we could actually have

one of those buttons
that you could push once

and it would fix your problem
and instantly improve people's lives

more than I'm comfortable
admitting right now.

So, I'd argue companies should
give us that f*cking button.

And if they won't,
they should be forced to.

And look, that is me being polite.

Because if you asked me
after a couple cosmos,

I'd say they should try
redirecting all the energy

they put into developing labyrinthine
systems to trap their customers

into making products or services
people actually want to keep buying.

But we all know they're not
ready for that conversation.

And now, this.

And Now:
Highlights from Over the Years

of the Iowa State Fair's
Husband Calling Contest.

Bradley! Bradley!

I have chocolate!

Keith! Keith!

Bruce! Brewster!
Daddy Boo-Boo Bear!

Troy! T-Roy!

Troy!

Roy!

It's time for dinner!

Dominic! Where is the antipasto
that we had for the celebration?

Dinner, dinner!
Come to dinner!

John, come on!
These are your kids, too!

John!

Roy! Roy! I love you!

That's our show,
thanks so much for watching.

We're off for the next few weeks,
back September 20th, good night!