03x09 - Junan

[bunniefuu]

This is a work of fiction. Underage drinking is strongly prohibited and ill*gal. We also do not encourage the forceful or excessive consumption of alcohol, nor do we endorse the litany of depraved and shameful acts portrayed in the binge-drinking scenes.
We ask that you view this as a comedy anime and nothing more. Furthermore, all characters drinking in this work are of legal drinking age. In keeping with the recent social climate, the black circles have been increased 5% in size from this season.

Sorry about that mixer the other day.

Oh, it's nothing.

Same old jerks and morons.

They hadn't changed one bit
over the summer.

Summer break does go by really fast.
People don't change that easily.

Right?

What's wrong?

Uh, it's just...

Something feels off.

Eek!

A monster!

Well, that's a rude welcome.

You were here, Tokki?

Sorry. You just looked like some kind
of never-before-seen creature.

We didn't realize
you were a fellow mammal.

Oh, well, I can see that.

Don't just take that from them.

So, you guys...

Yes?

What do you think the point of life is?

Somebody call a doctor!

You're job hunting?

I've got an alumni visit
and a boozer tonight.

I figured I should prep my career goals,
and maybe do a little self-analysis?

I heard they ask about
that stuff in interviews.

Makes sense.

Maybe it's time I got started myself.

The seniors are starting job hunts, huh?

I need to figure out a plan
for their sendoff soon.

I'd like someone to bounce
ideas off of, but who?

I need advice with something.
Can we meet up?

Heck, these guys might make
for some decent sounding boards.

What a coincidence. I need advice too.

Sorry, mind hearing me out too?

Hmm...

Whatever. It'll get the g*ng all together.

So this is your place, huh, Mitarai?

It's my first time here.

You usually never let anyone come over.

But you're fine with it now?

Well, I'm making an exception today.

Okay, cheers.

Cheers.

These idiots need advice?
I already know it's gonna be dumb.

But just look at them.

Their expressions
are seriousness personified.

When multiple people
ask for advice at once,

the most pressing issue tends to
overshadow everything else.

But it's these guys, after all. I doubt
they have any serious concerns.

So what'd you want to talk about?

Well, the thing is...

I'm thinking of dropping out of
college and becoming a YouTuber.

Hubbub!

That's g*dd*mn serious!

That's quite daring.

What gave you that idea?

I just wondered if I was really
satisfied with leading an ordinary life.

I mean, I've got a pretty face, right?

Pretty face, right?

I'll keep asking until you answer.

At certain angles?

In certain time periods?

If you gouged my eyes out first?

Why are you tacking on qualifiers?

So, what kind of content
do you want to stream?

I haven't decided yet.
That's why I need advice.

I want people to shower me with attention.

This fool and his shitty problem!

Let me try giving it to him straight.

Say, Nojima.

Don't you think that's a bit of a cop-out?

Huh?

If that's what you wanna do, do it.

But you don't have to
drop out for it, right?

Maybe, but...

If you want to make your dreams come true,

you need to be in an environment
that lets you pursue those dreams.

Meaning?

Drop out, and your parents
will cut you off.

But if you don't, you can try as much
as you want without any risk.

As much as I want?

Cool your jets and think things
through a little more, yeah?

Fine, gotcha.

Okay, that's Nojima's case closed!
Next up is...

Okay, hear me out next.

Yamamoto's turn, huh?

What's on your mind?

I'm in love. I met someone.

Uh-huh.

At what zoo?

What the hell do you guys take me for?!

That's not it.
This is who I'm talking about.

Good evening! Virtual idol SAKUYA here!

You went from animal to virtual?!

Hey, she's technically 3D!

Her videos give me
the strength to keep going!

And it hit me that this is real love.

Y-Yeah?

As your friend, I'll support you,
but I don't know.

- I've been sick all morning, you know?

- I want to marry this soothing voice!

- Don't be ridiculous!

- I threw up a lot for you guys, hehe.

- Now we've got true love
beyond computer screens, huh?

Kohei, use that mix voice or
whatever of yours and mimic her.

Sorry, but I can't do that.

Huh? You can't do that voice?

That's not it. That's not the point.

Then what is?

I've got my own problems,
is what I'm saying.

Problems? You?

One kinda just came up.

The hell, man?

Listen, Yamamoto.

You can't expect love to blossom
when you've never even met.

What are the chances
you'll even run into—

It's me. I'm SAKUYA.

What is wrong with you morons?!

That love is a dead end! I guarantee it!

How can you be sure?

Because you're in love with Kohei!

Are you gonna tell me
she's 2D too? She's 3D, man!

Sure, whatever. We can roll with that.

Damn it, why?

Why's it gotta be like this?!

Why... Why...

Imamura, bro, you get me, right?

Same to you, Yamamobro!

Not that it matters or anything,

but you can't lose
your virginity to 2D, you know?

We will never speak of this again.

That was quick!

You're betraying me, Yamamoto?

We were never bros to begin with,
you delusional shithead.

Okay, that takes care of
just about everyone.

All that's left is...

My problem's way more
serious than you guys'.

Oho?

The thing is, my childhood friend Rie...

believes I cheated and is out to k*ll me.

Jeez, I'm gonna break
your jaw! Huff, puff!

Pah!

Who cares?

Tch, try calling the children's hotline?

Take this seriously!

Make it up to her by dying!

Seppuku! That's manly!

Get your a*s dragged around town!

Prove your innocence by
bungee jumping without a wire?

You assholes...

All I did was exchange
contact info with a girl!

That's plenty.

Death to traitors.

Swift death.

Hurry up and die.

Brutal!

You guys need to calm down.

Wha?

Rie has never budged
once she's set on something.

Tch! So what?

Choose wisely who you brag to.

Sounds like someone wants to die.

And I told her...

you guys put me up to it.

Why drag us into it?!

Help me out! She'll be here
any minute now!

Screw you!

No wonder you suggested we meet here!

You were setting us up from the start!

Eek!

Get going!

Go meet your maker!

You guys are heartless!

Hey, Yuu-oniichan.

Wh-What's up?

I told you not to talk to
other girls, didn't I?

Oh, uh, I think so?

Then why didn't you listen to me, huh?

Whoa, whoa!

I mean, we work together! What's wrong
with getting a coworker's deets?!

That's not what I'm talking about.

I told you I'd crush your jaw next time
you broke my trust, remember?

What do you think's gonna happen?

Isn't it obvious?

R.I.P. his jaw. The end.

No, wait.

What is it, Kitahara?

That again?

Is your scum sense tingling?

Yeah. In fact, it's off the charts.

Seriously, what is up
with your sixth sense?

Rie.

What?

Uh, listen, so the thing is, er...

Let's get married!

Oh?

Good boy.

Can we meet up again for advice?

Yo, I'm seriously screwed here.

Help me out! We're friends, right?

Ugh, the pings are getting annoying.

Let's mute his a*s.

Good idea.

So hot...

I can't believe my A/C just died.

Nope! I can't take it!

I already ate the ice cream.
Do I have anything else chilled?

Hmm? What's this?

Oh, yeah, those guys brought it...

We'll leave this booze here.

Keep it in the freezer.

And left it here.

It didn't freeze in the freezer.
Just how strong is this booze?

No way! I'd die if I drank this!

Think this will do for the beer?

Probably.

If we buy too much,
we'll have nowhere to put 'em.

Then can we limit the Spirytus
to five bottles too?

Get every bottle in the store!

Figures.

Whose phone is that?

That'd be me.

What's up, Yamamoto?

Sorry, Kitahara...

What? Spit it out.

Remember that booze you left at my place?

Hmm? What about it?

Can't drink it anymore.

Huh? You drank it all yourself?

Nah, that's not it.

You spilled it?

Not that either.

What the heck happened then?

Well...

I can't tell you that.

What's that supposed to mean?

Anyway, you know the deal.

H-Hey, wait.

Heh, I've gone and done it now.

I remembered that claim about how cooling
your crotch cools your entire body.

I can't leave it like this, though.
I should pull out.

Yamamoto? What was all that about earlier?

Forget all that. Answer my questions.

What was this booze?

Spirytus, why?

Hey, what's wrong?

It's over. I'm done for.

Dude, for real, what is going on?

Of all things, it had to be
something worse than disinfectant...

Either way,
I need to get this off me, stat!

I should be able to grit my teeth
and deal with the pain for a second!

The stomach absorbs alcohol slowly,

but the small intestine and mucous
membranes absorb it dramatically faster,

and the alcohol content
in your blood skyrockets.

In other words, membrane absorption
gets you abnormally drunk.

This sucks... Worst buzz ever!

Wait, this is no time to be drunk! Get
it off, even if I have to cut the bottle!

Sorry to drag you here.

It's no biggie.

It's on our way back.

Hey, what's wrong?

He's not answering.

That's weird.

But man, it sure is hot today.

Right?

Now he chooses to be helpful?

Hey! Somebody's struggling inside!

You okay, Yamamoto?!

Now it's all quiet.

Think he's all right?

Iori! Call the building
manager and get a key!

On it!

H-Holy...

Well...

It's obvious.

No doubt about it. He was just drinking.

Don't scare me like that, dumbass.

Glad it wasn't anything serious.

Hey, you alive?

He drank Spirytus
with his d*ck the other day!

Seriously?

What are you, stupid?

Not even we would do that.

We wouldn't, right?

Quit getting all worried for real.

I know you guys would do
the same in my situation!

Hell nah!

In what situation would we
bathe our crotches in Spirytus?

Oh?

What's up, Nojima?

I need to go powder my nose.

Powder his nose? With that face?

If you need to sh*t, just say so.

He can be pretty gross, huh?

For about 28 days a month, yeah.

So, every day in February?

Hanging around with those
lowlifes taints my pure soul.

Lots of people are anti-washlets,
but I can't live without them.

Now...

The water won't stop.

Why?

Why would it start but not stop?

Why would it keep going against my wishes?

It almost makes me...

feel like the MC in a mecha anime!

Damn it! It's out of control!

Or something.

What? What's happening?

Why's that the only switch that works?!

Damn! It really won't stop!

I'd like to ask for help...

Nojima's buck naked?!

Sure, the machine broke,
but what a pathetic sight!

You disappoint me!

I thought you were better than that!

but It'd ruin my reputation!

I'll try hitting it again!

Wait, let's talk it out!
You're too strong for me right now!

Please stop!
I can't take any more of this!

Is it over?

What in the world is this?!

I can't... I'm going crazy.

I've gotta call for help!

No, not yet!

This is an electronic device,
meaning it'll stop without power.

And the main unit isn't battery-powered,

so pulling the plug
will make everything right!

You won't beat me!

Almost there...

Protect it!

Protect my reputation!

Nojima's taking his sweet time.

He's gonna be late for the next class.

Was that Nojima's voice?!

What happened?

h*...

Holy sh*t.

He was washing his hair with the washlet.

No, he was definitely getting off
by spraying water on his d*ck.

That's Nojima for you.

Every bit as perverted
as his reputation says.