08x04 - Hitler's Last Heil

[bunniefuu]

( Theme music playing )

( Coughing )

( Mumbling )

You'll find me being

Examined by our local

G.p., Dr. Leconte,

Because my nerves are

All shot to pieces

Following the recent

c*ck-up in our fight

Against the germans.

Whoo, that is cold!

I can speak in front

Of dr. Leconte

Because he is a long-serving

Member of the resistance--

( Coughing )

But for how much longer,

I do not know.

Yes, needless to say,

The most recent plan

To set up a secret

Mobile resistance

Radio station

In a coffin

On the back of monsieur

Alfonse's hearse went wrong.

The horse bolted

And the radio station

Was last seen disappearing

Due south

At a huge canter.

So this could

Be my last birthday.

You have the lungs

Of a man of 30,

But the body,

- It is knackered.

- ( Sighs )

Surely you can

Do something.

You are very rundown.

But I will give you these

Pills to pep you up.

( Coughing )

You keep them, doctor.

You need them more than I do.

Oh, rene,

It is not bad news,

Is it?

No, the doctor said

I am just rundown.

You should try

To relax a bit more.

Relax? How can I relax

When a message to me

From general de gaulle

Has been transmitted

Throughout

All of the district

From an hearse?

- I am a nervous wreck.

- Oh, do not worry, rene.

Michelle of the resistance

Will find the hearse.

Monsieur alfonse

Needs it today.

And I will be needing it

Tomorrow if the germans

Have heard that broadcast.

And I need to get back

To my practice.

Oh, dr. Leconte,

While you are here,

Could you give mama

A quick checkup?

- I will show you upstairs.

- Of course.

Happy birthday, rene.

Rene: oh, mimi.

I have brought you

A present.

Thank you, mimi.

I wonder what it is.

Oh

It is a hot-water

Bottle.

( Chuckles )

Oh, look at this.

I knitted

The cover myself.

Think of me every time

You fill it up

And screw

In the stopper.

I promise.

Oh, rene!

- I have found you

Alone at last.

- Yes.

Hold me.

What is it that

I feel between us?

It is my birthday

Present to you.

It is to help you find

Your way to the broom

Cupboard

In the middle

Of the night.

As soon as you

Start flashing,

I will find you.

You think of everything.

- Oh, rene

- Yes.

I must talk to you.

It is about our baby.

I do not want it

To be born fatherless.

When are we

Going to be married?

Keep your voice down.

We cannot hurry these

Things, yvette.

We could be married

In secret.

Oh, let us go

To the priest later

And ask him.

No, I will take a lot

Of persuading to go

To see a priest.

Rene, if you do

Not come I will tell

The whole village

You are the father

Of my child.

- I am persuaded.

- Oh, rene,

I knew you would.

Rene!

What are you doing

With that servant girl

In your arms?

You stupid woman,

Can you not see

This poor child

Is unwell

Because of her pregnancy

And the impossible strain

Of not knowing

- Who the father is?

- ( Crying )

Yes yes, you go

And lie down, yvette.

We will ask dr. Leconte

To give you something

When he comes down.

Oh, thank you, rene.

Oh, I am sorry, rene.

I did not realize

Yvette was ill.

We are all a bit

Under the weather

At the moment.

Well, never mind, rene.

You will perk up later.

I have a special

Birthday surprise

For you.

You are not pregnant

As well, are you?

No, but I have something

Which will take you back

To your youth.

You have not bought me

A toupee, I hope.

No, but I have something

That will help us

Recapture the joys

Of our courting days.

Oh, it is hard

To remember

That once you were

A strapping lad of 20

And I was a girlish

Sweet 16 in full bloom.

And now we are

Both overgrown

With the weeds of time.

Hold me.

Kiss me

Like you used to.

Let us turn back

The clock.

I will have to do a lot

Of winding up first.

- Rene! Rene!

- Yes.

For once, you will

Be glad to see me.

You do not know

How right you are,

Michelle.

We have found monsieur

Alfonse's hearse

And the radio

Transmitter in the coffin.

Everything is all right.

But it has been broadcasting

A message to me

From general de gaulle.

If the germans hear that,

I will be shot.

They heard nothing.

My girls have been

Monitoring the airwaves.

We will have to make

A more powerful battery.

The one in the coffin

Was too weak to transmit

The recording.

Oh, thank god for that.

Oh, rene,

You are in the clear.

I think perhaps you

Spoke too soon, edith.

Good moaning.

What shall we de

With the kiffin?

You cannot bring

That in here.

Rene, we have to hide

The radio transmitter.

We thought we could put it

In your cellar.

No, it's out

Of the question.

The germans sometimes

Go in my cellar

Looking for wine.

Well, what about the attic?

They do not go there.

Oh, very well.

But get it up

There quickly.

I cannot have

A coffin in my cafe.

People will think

The food has gone off.

A fine birthday this

Is turning out to be.

- Oh, rene, is it

Your birthday?

- Yeah.

How old are you?

I lose track.

Every time you

Come around

I age 10 years.

Is there anything

The matter with me?

Oh, you are doing

Remarkably well

For a lady of 94,

Madame fanny.

I am only 87.

You are still

Doing well.

Let us hope

You can keep it up.

Did someone call?

Go back to sleep,

Ernest.

( Coughs )

Well,

Whatever the results,

I do wish to know

As soon as possible.

Naturally.

Bye.

( Coughing )

( Screams )

I demand a second opinion.

Get out, get out!

Shut up, you old bat.

What is the matter,

Fanny?

Oh, look,

They are going to

Put me in a box.

Say something, ernest.

What sort of flowers

Would you like?

Mama, calm yourself.

The coffin is not

For you.

Not yet anyway.

We will come back

And retrieve it

When we have made a more

Powerful battery.

The secret radio station

Will be back on the air

Within a very

Short time with luck

And good management.

But mostly luck.

Monsieur alfonse,

Have you got rene's

Birthday present yet?

Oh, I will deliver

It this afternoon,

Madame edith.

- You still want it?

- Oh, yes.

We have always

Wanted a car.

Mama said she would use

Her savings to get us

One years ago,

But has only now

Got around to it.

She thinks it is

Just for me,

But rene will be

So thrilled.

What is going on?

Monsieur alfonse and I

Were preparing a surprise

For rene.

Oh, rene, splendid.

And make sure

You bury him

Good and deep.

- Heil hitler.

- Heil hitler.

Colonel, there's been

A major lapse of security.

The garrison pay truck

Has been robbed by none

Other than the gestapo.

No!

Can we trust no one?

Fortunately, I apprehended

The miscreants at the scene

Of the crime.

They are currently

In the chateau dungeons.

Will they be put

On trial?

No, they will be shot.

I want security measures

Tightened throughout

The district.

It's particularly

Important today,

As the fuhrer

And field marshal goering

Are visiting

Our coastal defenses

To boost the morale

Of the troops.

They will be

Arriving here shortly.

The fuhrer

And field marshal goering

Arriving here shortly.

Is there an echo

In this room?

Actually,

Between ourselves,

It's not really

Hitler and goering.

They are doubles,

But they just look

Like them.

The real hitler

And goering would

Not dare to come here.

In case they were assassinated

By the resistance?

In case they

Were assassinated

By the germans.

I'm entertaining them

To lunch in my quarters.

You and gruber

Are invited, colonel.

1:00 On the dot.

( Clicks heels )

Your last request

Is here.

Did I make

A last request?

It is i, helga.

What are you

Doing here?

To gain entry I said

You asked for a woman

Of easy virtue

To share

Your last hours.

Did I ask for a woman

Of easy virtue too?

- Silence, von smallhausen.

- Perhaps I could share helga.

Take your ball and stand

In your corner.

I had to see you

One last time,

Herr flick.

To have a final kiss

Before you are shot.

I am the godson

Of heinrich himmler.

They cannot sh**t me.

- ( g*nf*re )

- What was that?

The firing squad are

Doing target practice,

Herr flick.

Helga, I know all

About the robbery

Of the garrison pay truck.

If you do not get us out

Of here, I will tell

The general

That it was the colonel

And lieutenant gruber

Who really stole

The money.

- And you will be

Implicated too.

- You wouldn't.

He would.

Very well,

You leave me no choice.

But may

I kiss you anyway?

Of course.

Avert your eyes,

Von smallhausen.

Your kiss gives me

Strength, herr flick.

I will speak to

The colonel about breaking

You out of here.

- Good.

- ( g*nf*re )

Make it quick, helga.

The firing squad are

Getting better.

They hit the wall

That time.

Oh, rene, I thought

You were not coming.

I cannot stay long,

Yvette.

Let us get this

Over with.

Quickly before

Anyone sees us.

What can I do for you?

Father, we have come

To confess that we

Wish to be married.

But that is not

A sin, my child.

You have not heard

The rest of it.

Priest:

There is more?

I am with child.

Oh yes, that does

Make a difference.

It will not prevent

Us marrying, will it?

I should think

It makes it imperative.

Did you lead this

Man on in any way?

Perhaps a little bit.

A little bit?

You were very encouraging.

But you should not

Have succumbed, my son.

You should have told

The demon lust to get

Behind you.

There was no room.

We were

In the broom cupboard.

What is your name,

Child?

Yvette: I cannot say.

We wish this to be

A secret marriage.

- And you, my son?

- I wish to remain

Anonymous too.

I am officially dead.

It will be very difficult

Marrying an unknown woman

To a man

Who is officially dead.

Could you not put

Me down as miss x

And him as mr. X?

And we will keep

The name of the child

Also a secret.

Why?

I am not going to call

My child "why."

No no, I mean

Why should there be

All this mystery?

It has to be

A secret, father.

You see, we are both

Heavily involved

In the resistance.

Ah, the resistance.

That is a different matter.

I may be able

To help you.

Are you sure

You truly love each other?

Oh yes, father.

Have you known other men?

Four or five.

- In your life?

- No, a week.

But I do it to support

My poor mother.

Very well. I will try

To arrange a secret marriage.

But it is very unusual,

So I must consult with

The bishop first.

- Oh, thank you, father.

- Come back and see me

In a week.

In the meantime,

You must both say

50 Hail marys

As a penance

For your sins.

- Yes, father.

- Come on.

Oh, rene,

Only 50 hail marys

And soon we are

Going to be married.

Do you not think

We got off lightly?

I think that depends

On how you look

At it, yvette.

Good moaning.

Not you again.

What do you want now?

I have a massage

From michelle.

Lusten very carefully.

I shall soo this

Only wence.

Michelle has discovered

That hotler and geering

Are coming this afternoon

To the chiteau.

What is this lunatic

On about?

He says hitler and goering

Are coming to the chateau.

- No!

- Yes.

Michelle has a plin

To assausinate them.

I have a clockwork bum

In my trousers.

Your personal problems

Are no concern of ours.

He means

A clockwork b*mb.

What?

( Whimpers )

Do not weary.

It is quite sofe.

We will attich it

To hotler's car

And blee him

To smotheroons.

Get that thing out of here.

Are you mad?

We are licking

For viluntours.

Hinds up if you want

To have a goo.

We do not want

To have a goo.

It is a suicidal plan,

Officer crabtree.

You will never find

Anyone stupid enough

To carry it out.

I will do it.

There is always one.

I will sacrifice myself

To strike a daring blow

For the resistance.

I am a true daughter

Of france--

Brave as a lioness,

Bold as a wolf.

Daft as a brush.

Now you know what

To do, helga?

Yes, colonel.

I go to the chateau

Dungeons on the pretext

Of hearing herr flick's

Confession and giving

Him this food.

I then give him

This stick of dynamite,

Disguised

As a knockwurst sausage

To enable him to blow

The bars off his cell

And escape.

I must say

It pains me deeply

To help that man

In this way.

Now we must go.

The fuhrer is expecting

Us to lunch.

My little tank

Is outside.

Any chance

Of a lift?

I'm afraid not, helga.

It is against

Regulations

To give lifts

To hitchhiking nuns.

Male chauvinist pig.

Oops.

I'm sorry

We're late, general.

The security around

The chateau is unbelievable.

'Tis necessary

To protect our visitors.

Even though they are

Only doubles,

Everyone must believe

They're the real thing.

Who exactly are they,

General?

Oh

Hitler is a corporal

In the catering corps.

Goering is a clerk

In the ministry of defense.

They are having a wash

After their journey.

The fuhrer

And field marshal goering.

Heil hitler.

All: heil hitler.

These are my two senior

Officers-- colonel von strohm

- And lieutenant gruber.

- Mein fuhrer.

- Pardon.

- You will address me

At all times as mein fuhrer.

- And do not forget it.

- But surely--

We will ask the questions.

We are empowered

By the fuhrer himself

To give orders

To officers of any rank.

Otherwise, we would not

Be believable as doubles.

I'm sorry, mein fuhrer.

Already, I am far

From impressed with

Your garrison, general.

These two officers

Look distinctly

Sloppy to me.

And you are not

Much better!

You had all better

Pull yourselves together

Or berlin will hear

About it!

- Yes, mein fuhrer.

- Yes, mein fuhrer.

Champagne, hermann?

Lead me to it, adolf.

Who does that jumped-up

Little corporal think

He is? Hitler?

Good day, sister.

I have brought some food

For the two condemned

Prisoners

In the dungeons.

I will have to

Search your basket.

- Maria.

- Not now, hansel.

I can't stay.

Cook will k*ll me

If I don't get

These provisions

To the kitchen.

Oh, just a quick kiss.

Later.

I'm off at 6:00.

I'll meet you

In the square.

- You promise?

- ( Kisses )

All that seems

To be in order, sister.

Do you know your way

To the dungeons?

I have visited prisoners

Here before.

Down the steps,

Turn left at the bottom

And just follow the rats.

I thought we would inspect

The troops at 3:00,

Mein fuhrer.

We will inspect them

When we are ready,

And not before.

Of course,

Mein fuhrer.

I want lunch first.

Have some food sent up.

Immediately, general.

Gruber, phone the kitchens

For some food

For mein field marshal.

This is the general's

Quarters.

Could you send up lunch

For five at once?

Yes, is there anything

You particularly fancy,

Mein fuhrer?

Yes, knockwurst sausages.

- And plenty of them.

- Good idea, adolf.

I fancy a good blowout.

I will give the prisoners

This food and then take

Their confessions.

The last woman was

A woman of easy virtue.

They probably have

A lot to confess.

I've come to get you out,

Herr flick.

This knockwurst sausage

Is really a stick

Of dynamite.

Tie it to the bars,

Light the string

At one end

And it will

Blow out the wall.

You have done well, helga.

I will reward you for this.

Will you allow me

To kiss you again,

Herr flick?

I do not have time.

I do.

Silence,

Von smallhausen.

But when we have escaped,

Helga, come to my dungeon

- And we will see.

- Yes, herr flick.

Only do not come dressed

As a nun.

I much prefer you as

A woman of easy virtue.

That's what they

All say, herr flick.

Here are some matches

For the dynamite.

- Rope.

- You are full of surprises.

This one surprised me

The most.

We will leave you alone

For a time now.

We must go and organize

The march past of troops,

Mein fuhrer.

I fancy a little piece

Of cheese.

General,

Our spare uniforms

Are in that case.

See they are pressed

Before we leave.

Yes, mein fuhrer.

Heil hitler.

Heil hitler.

Dismissed.

The nerve of the man.

- I can't wait to see

The back of those two.

- ( expl*si*n )

I think your wish

Has come true, general.

Oh my god.

It must be the resistance.

No one must know

About this.

Well, it will not be easy

To keep secret, general.

But if the real fuhrer

Finds out

He will think we were

Involved in some plot

To blow him up.

But what can we do,

General?

You've got two bodies

In your quarters.

We will dispose

Of them later.

More importantly for now,

Hitler and goering

Must be seen

To leave the chateau

And the town.

We must not be implicated

In these deaths.

But how can they be

Seen to leave the town

If they are dead?

There is only one solution.

I think the uniforms will fit.

Mimi, did you manage

To put the b*mb

Under hitler's car?

The chateau was

Too heavily guarded.

I could not get near it.

Damn, where is

The b*mb now?

It is strapped

To my leg.

- Be careful, mimi.

- I am walking

Very gingerly.

( Car horn honks )

It is them--

Hitler and goering.

- They have come

To inspect their troops.

- Let me see.

There are too many soldiers.

Let us go outside

And watch.

Back inside, peasant.

No one's allowed

In the square.

Now is your chance,

Mimi.

I will go down

The drain in

The back garden,

Crawl along the sewer,

Come up underneath

Hitler's car

And plant the b*mb.

You are a true heroine

Of the resistance, mimi.

Good luck.

How brave mimi is.

She will have to move

Faster than that

Or they will have

Gone by the time

She gets there.

We will take

The salute now.

( Marching )

If only I had a r*fle,

I could end the w*r

Here and now.

Do not have any ideas,

Michelle.

- It is all up

To mimi now.

- Yeah.

Oh look, there's rene

Looking out of the window.

I'll give him

A little treat.

My god,

Did you see that?

Hitler just gave me

A little wave.

That is all I need,

To be fancied

By hitler.

Drive on!

I thought a b*mb

Was supposed to blow him up.

Mimi might still

Have got through.

The b*mb is on a timer.

- Yvette, go and see

If you can find her.

- All right.

Oh, monsieur alfonse.

What were you doing

In our back passage?

I had to run through

The back streets

To get here.

I have the car, madame.

And here are the keys.

Oh, thank you,

Monsieur alfonse.

I do it out of love

For you.

I'll have the money now.

Where is the car?

I've left it in the square

Before the soldiers there

Cordoned it off.

Oh, rene,

- Mama and I bought a special

Surprise for you.

- Huh?

We have bought

Monsieur alfonse's car

For your birthday.

A car!

Oh, edith!

I do not know

What to say!

It will help us remember

Our courting days.

We could go for a spin

In the country like

We used to.

We only had a horse

And cart then.

This will be much better.

Come outside and see.

- Oh-oh!

- Close your eyes.

Now open your eyes.

Is it not

A magnificent motor?

For me? Oh, edith.

I shall call

For the cash later.

- Madame.

- You can drive.

Edith.

Mimi, are you all right?

What happened?

I did it.

I planted the b*mb.

The car was directly

Over the drain.

Well done.

Let us have a drink

To celebrate.

Where shall we go?

Down by the river.

Do you remember that

Time we went there

And lay on the grass

Under the willow tree?

Oh, let us try

And recapture the memory

Of what happened that day.

( expl*si*n )

( Coughs )

Have you anything

To say, edith?

Happy birthday, rene.

( Theme music playing )