01x04 - Max's Big Adventure

[bunniefuu]

George, there´s a detective
waiting for you in your office.

Do you have any idea why?

No.

Hey, look,
nobody is judging you.

You are a good man, and you made
a horrible mistake.

Maybe it was for love,
maybe it was the drink.

I don´t know.

Look, seriously, man,

just tell me what you did
so I can help you.

I will shred files.
I will lie.

I will do anything.

Okay. Here´s the plan --

i´ll go talk to the cop,

you go back to your desk
and pretend nothing´s wrong.

Do some work, okay?

But don´t pretend.
Actually do work.

Hey, George.

Hey, Jim,
what brings you down here?

You know this guy?

Our kids go to
the same school.

Man, did we tear up career day
or what?

You with your g*n
and taser,

and me showing the kids how
to do inventory.

Sorry to bother you,

but I got a warrant on one of
your employees.

I gotta take him in.

No way.
One of my guys?

Who am I kidding?
It could be any one of them.

Reggie Grant.

He beat up some guy in a bar
last night.

Reggie?

Oh, man, no way, dude.

I ride to work with Reggie
every day.

Listen, George, I don´t want to
make a big thing out of this.

Could you just get Reggie to
come into your office?

Hey, what happened
to Reggie?

He got in a fight
at a bar.

Jimmy´s got a warrant
for his arrest.

No. No, not Reggie.

He´s got the best car
in the car pool.

It´s got different
temperatures

on the right
and the left side.

That´s very important to me.
I´m going through the change.

Hey, Reggie!

Can I talk to you
in my office?

Is there a problem?

No, i´m just setting up
the new vacation schedule.

Oh, good. I think I got
three weeks coming.

I think it´s more like
three to five.

That´s a cop, right?

Yeah, i´m sorry, man.

Why don´t we just get this
over with?

Hey, who´s up for lunch?
Reggie, you want to go?

Not now, Ernie.

Come on.
I´m buying today, tubby.

You know, that´s the second time
in 24 hours

i´ve been called "tubby."

Yeah, yeah, you know what I like
to call people?

Jim!

I´m gonna save you the
embarrassment

of trying to wrestle me
to the ground.

I don´t know what happened,

but at least I don´t have to buy
Reggie lunch.

I saved about 70 bucks.

Okay. Everybody relax.

Just a little problem with our
friend Reggie.

I´m sure he´ll be okay.

You know, it´s not cool to ask
if anyone here is a felon.

But just out of curiosity,

how many of you can vote
in a national election?

I wasn´t joking.

♫ all my friends
know the low rider ♫

♫ the low rider
is a little higher ♫

George, here´s my list
of people

I don´t want
in the car pool --

Jimmy fat a*s, Joey pit stains,
booger nose Johnny, and Lilly.

What don´t you like
about Lilly?

She never has a nice word
to say about anybody.

Why don´t we just let Ernie
back in the car pool, mom?

He had his chance.
He´s such a backseat driver.

"Slow down.
Please slow down.

Stop. Please stop.
We´re all gonna die."

Mom, you were playing chicken
with a train.

All i´m saying is

I think we should find somebody
with a good car,

somebody who can tell a story.

That wouldn´t be so bad
either.

I´m sick of being
miss personality.

Bye, mom.
Bye, dad.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?

I´m walking to school.

Since when do you walk to school
by yourself?

I´m 10, dad.

All my friends are walking to
school by themselves.

Sorry, buddy.
I don´t think you´re ready yet.

You still believe
in Santa claus.

Yeah?

So Santa claus would think

that you´re too young to walk
to school by yourself.

Did you talk to him?

Yeah, we had lunch
on Thursday.

Your mom will drive you.
Go get a jacket.

Okay.

Where did that come from?

They´re working on a play
about safety at school,

and he feels he´s ready
to start walking by himself.

Absolutely not.
He´s too young.

George, we let Carmen walk by
herself when she was 10.

That was different.

We used to live right across
the street from the school.

She was never out of my sight.

And let´s be honest, Angie.
Carmen was our first kid.

She was like the canary
in the coal mine.

All right.

Why don´t we just talk about
this after you see the play?

You might change your mind.

Oh, man, I hope it´s better

than that multifaith holiday
play they had

where Abraham, Jesus, Mohammed,
and Buddha

were all celebrating kwanzaa.

"Street smart,
street safe."

I don´t know why they´re making
these kids do a play

about staying away from
strangers.

That is a parent´s job.

I´ll give you my play.
"Everyone is bad."

Thank you. Thank you.

Mom, this is important.

You didn´t teach me
any of this stuff.

All you told me was,

"if a stranger comes up to you,
speak Spanish."

That didn´t make me safe.
It made me exotic.

I hope you two aren´t gonna do
this through the whole play.

Max is nervous enough about
remembering his lines.

Hi. Thanks for coming,
everyone.

The kids have worked really hard
on this play,

and they´ve learned that by
being street smart,

they can be street safe.

Hey, I have a question.

That sign outside
"no smoking"?

Is that just for the kids
or for everybody?

That´s for everyone.

How long is the play?

Just under 20 minutes.

I´ll catch it on Broadway.

Okay.
Uh, let´s begin.

Come on.

Let´s go over here and play in
this part of the park.

That´s Max.

Yes, and you´re Angie.
I know all of you.

Hey, kids, isn´t it
a little late

for you to be playing in the
park all alone?

Our parents are picking us up in
a half an hour.

Wrong. Rewind.

Our parents are going
to be here any second.

Right. Press play.

This is ridiculous.

What are they gonna learn from
this, Angie --

how to operate a VCR?

Before they get here,

can you help me look for my
frisbee over by those trees?

If you find it, i´ll give you
each a dollar.

We don´t talk to strangers.

You´re not safe!
You´re not safe!

Here comes a 9-year-old kid
with a badge.

Wow. That´s gonna help.

Hey, that´s my kid.

Sorry. I don´t talk
to strangers.

So, how was the play?

About a pack and a half
too long.

Good night.

George, do you know what my
favorite part of the play was?

When you walked up to the
teacher afterwards

and demanded
your tax dollars back.

Come on, Angie.
You think that play helped Max?

The only thing he´s ready for

is a tiny stranger
with a fake moustache

who can´t stop looking
at the audience.

He´s not walking to school
by himself.

George,
it´s only four blocks.

A lot can happen
in four blocks.

He has no idea what´s going on
out there.

He´s not like me when
I was a kid, Angie.

He´s totally sheltered.

At least I grew up in a rough
neighborhood,

surrounded by criminals.

I was lucky.

I´ll tell you your problem.

Can a day go by when
you don´t say that?

You have already ruined your
kids by coddling them.

George was very independent.

He was crossing the street
by himself when he was 2.

I was looking for food!

Well, I think you´re
underestimating Max.

What are you guys
talking about?

You.

I´m gonna give you
a little pop safety quiz.

What if it was raining,

and a stranger drove up and
offered to give you a ride home?

I wouldn´t go.

Good. Okay.

Now, Max, what if someone came
up to you and said,

"your mom told me to give you
a ride home"?

I still wouldn´t go.

Now, what if the guy said

your mom and dad were in a very
bad accident,

losing blood fast, and if you
didn´t come right away,

you´d never see your parents
alive again?

Mom!

Too late.

Your mom´s dead ´cause you
took your time.

Okay, George, that´s enough.
That´s not going to happen.

Why don´t you go to bed, and
i´ll be up in a minute, okay?

You´re being ridiculous.

Max can handle it.

I don´t care what she says.

I don´t think Max is ready to
walk to school

until he learns about
the real world.

I´ll tell you what I did
when you were a kid.

I used to read the newspaper
to you right before bed.

Remember the zodiac k*ller?

You´d say, "he´s not coming
here, is he, mommy?"

And i´d look in the paper and
tell you, "it doesn´t say."

Yeah, I remember.

No "green eggs and ham."
No "cat in the hat."

Just "nut kills 12."
Night-night.

Okay. You can laugh,
but it worked.

What? Who´s there?

Shh. We need your VCR.

What are you doing?

I´m showing Max a movie,

and I don´t want your mom
to know.

Well, I want a new sweater.

I´m sure we can reach some sort
of agreement.

Here´s the agreement --

you don´t tell mom,
and i´ll do whatever I want.

All right.

This movie might be a little
mature for you,

but I think it´s more important

that you learn that not everyone
out there is a nice person.

What´s the movie?

"Texas chainsaw m*ssacre."

I cued it up to
the educational part.

What´s going on in here?

Nothing.
What´s going on out there?

"Texas chainsaw m*ssacre"?
Are you insane?

Not compared to them.

Angie, this is how kids learn.

They watch scary stuff,
they get nightmares,

they learn to be careful.

Max doesn´t need to watch these
movies to walk to school,

which he is doing
Monday morning.

I´ll take this.

Well, there´s no lesson here,

but let´s see what happens when
leprechauns go bad.

Okay. The next contestant

for the car-pool opening is
Danny boy.

He´s on line 2.

You´re on, Danny boy.

I want to be in your car pool,

you know, for the
environmentally concerned.

I heard that there´s a hole in
the end zone,

and i´m lonely.

You´d have to come to work
every day.

Not on the days that I drive!

Bye, Danny boy.

Send the next one in.

Hey, um, I want a chance to get
back in the car pool.

State your name.

You know my name.

State your name.

Ernesto cardenas.

This dope will do anything.

Skip around like a pony
and slap your own a*s.

Ernie!

No, man.

We´re just asking everybody what
kind of car they drive

to see how they´ll fit
in the group.

Oh. I drive a Subaru brat.

I´ll be honest --

there´s no radio, no air
conditioning,

and once in a blue moon, fire
comes out of the vents.

Next!

No. I-I prepared a joke.

Knock, knock.

Who´s there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock, knock.
Who´s there?

Banana.
Banana who?!

Would you say "orange"
and get out of here already?!

Hey, guys, i´m sorry.
I can´t wait any longer.

I gotta pick up my new Van.

If it matters, it´s got a VCR,
little tvs in the headrests.

Color?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Ernie, knock, knock.

Who´s there?

Not you, brother.

You start on Monday, frank.

Pick up George first,
then come by my house.

Honk a few times,

get out of your car,
skip around,

and slap yourself on the a*s.

Mom!

I just want to see somebody
do it.

So, monday´s the big day, huh?

Gonna let Max walk to school
or what?

Angie says yes,
but I don´t know.

All of a sudden, i´m a crazy man
for worrying about my kid.

Hey, here´s an idea,
Einstein.

Why don´t you follow him
to school?

But what if he sees me?

I don´t want to hurt
his confidence.

Frank´s picking you up Monday.
Let him drive you.

Why weren´t you this smart
when I was a kid?

What are you talking about?

I know you followed me to school
in your car.

No, I didn´t.

Yes, you did.

We had a gold Chevy citation
with three hubcaps.

George, that was 90% of our
neighborhood.

Okay, honey, you remember
everything we talked about?

You got my cellphone?

It´s in my pocket.

And what number do you call
if you´re in trouble?



Good boy.
George, Max is leaving!

Wait, I have to leave
before you.

I can´t bear to watch you go.

I can´t wait.
I´m gonna be late.

Okay. Then I need something
out of your backpack.

Hey!

An eraser in the shape
of an army man.

Got it! Bye!

Here, honey.

Hey, frank, thanks
for coming by early

so I can get a head start
on my kid.

Yeah, no problem.

Listen, just so I know,
for my own comfort level,

why are we following him?

Today´s the first day he´s
walking to school alone.

There he is.
Start driving.

You know, they got a chip you
can put

in between dogs´ shoulder
blades nowadays

so you always know
where they are.

So if anything happens
to this kid,

you might want to get a dog.

Hey, how long you gonna
do this?

Just until i´m sure he can
handle himself.

Well, how are you gonna know
unless something happens?

Dude, could you be less
supportive?

I was watching this news show,

and they had these kids
at a playground.

This undercover reporter came
and asked them

if they wanted to play
with his puppy.

Every single kid
went with him.

Every kid?

Well, almost every kid.

The rest of the kids came

when the guy promised to take
them to go see Santa claus.

Oh, my god.

Pull up to Max.

What for?

I´m gonna test my kid.

When you get next to him,
i´m gonna tell you what to say.

I want to see if he´ll get
in a stranger´s Van.

I don´t know about this,
George, really.

You want to stay in
the car pool?

Is it gonna be like this
every morning?

There he is right there.
Get his attention.

Hey. Hey, there, buddy.

Frank, tell him you lost
your puppy.

Hey, you see my puppy around
here anywhere?

I lost him.

I don´t know this neighborhood
too good.

I haven´t seen him.

Ask him to get in and help you
look for the puppy.

Hey, you want to hop in,
help me look for him?

I´ll give you
a couple of bucks.

That´s good.

Hey, you´ve never done
this before, have you?

I´ll help you look
for the puppy.

Mr. Lopez?

Timmy, you´re gonna ruin it.

But I want to help look
for the puppy.

Come on.
Just get in and be quiet.

Come on, frank.
Catch up to Max.

Hey, tell him you got
an Xbox in here.

Where´s the Xbox?
I want to play.

Timmy, be quiet,

and i´ll give you all the change
that´s in my pocket.

Hey, you know, I got
an Xbox in here.

You want to come in
and play with it?

You´re not safe!
You´re not safe!

Hey, George, your kid´s
running away.

Good boy.
Way to go, Max.

Uh, we got company.

George? Is that you?

Hey, Jim.
What are you doing here, Jim?

I was walking my kid
to school.

What are you doing
back there?

Hey, Jim, listen,
I know this looks funny,

but I was worried about Max

walking to school
all by himself,

so I thought maybe i´d test him

to see if he´d get in a
stranger´s Van.

But Timmy got in instead.

Timmy, is that true?

He said
if I keep my mouth shut,

I can have what´s
in his pocket.

I´m gonna need to ask you guys
a couple of questions.

George, I want out
of the car pool.

Frank, you were out
of the car pool

the minute you tricked Timmy
into this Van.

I told you

I could make it to school
and back all by myself.

And nothing went wrong!

Except there was this Van,

the driver tried to talk to me,
but I ran away.

You did great, honey.

You have to be careful about
people in vans

because some of them
are idiots.

You know what, son?
I´m really proud of you.

You´ve proven to us that you´re
a responsible young man.

Thanks.

Oh, can I get
my cellphone back?

I´ll get it back tomorrow.

I loaned it to yoshi.
He misses his friends in Japan.

As far as the phone company´s
concerned, yoshi stole it.

You realize what you did
was crazy.

Maybe, but at least my heart´s
in the right place.

George, I know your heart´s
in the right place.

And your head´s almost far
enough up there

to be right next to it.

I can´t help but worry
about Max, Angie.

He´s such a sweet little guy.

But, George, we have
to let him grow up.

But it´s happening so fast.

I know.

I mean, now he´s walking
himself to school.

Next thing,
he´ll be in college.

He´ll be out of our lives.

Whatcha doing there, Max?

It´s my new invention --
cereal on a stick.

Cereal on a stick.

Aw, come here, buddy.

You´re gonna work in the factory
with your dad, aren´t you?

Hey, George,
you wanted to see me?

Frank dropped out
of the car pool.

Yeah?

So we took a vote.

And you lost.
Oh.

So we took another vote.

Yeah?

And you lost again.

Oh.

But we took another vote.

Yeah?

And you lost again.

How many more times are you
gonna put me through this?

Till it´s not fun anymore.

Okay.

So we took another vote.

Yeah?