04x20 - George Needs Anchor Management

[bunniefuu]

Oh, my god,
that's disgusting.

Shh! Shh!

George, I can't believe you're
letting Max watch this movie.

It's completely
inappropriate.

No, I'm teaching him
a life lesson.

You see, son, it doesn't matter
how much you love a woman,

when an alien lays eggs
in her body,

you gotta cut her head off.

George, don't fill his head
full of that junk.

Turn on the news.

...the family dogthat dugup
the charred,headless corpse.

In other news...

Wait a minute.
I know him.

That's Spencer Vogel.

Who?

A boy I dated in Miami
right before I moved to L.A.

My first real love.

Fire investigators continue...

Really? What happened?

I dumped him.

You dumped him,
but you kept this?

What's so special about him?

You put some lights in here,
put me in makeup,

"welcome back to
the living room news.

"I'm Jorge Lopez!

"Tonight's top story --

Angie sees another old boyfriend
who is now clearly g*y."

I'll bet that anchor guy
makes a lot of money, dad.

He spends it all
on face-lifts.

He looks like every story
surprises him.

"We'll be right back
with sports."

Mom, did you ever get
to kiss him?

He's got those big,
full lips.

Yeah, they're full,
all right.

They're full of fat
they sucked from his a*s.

I just want to thank
the action 8 news team

for welcoming me
into their family.

And you folks, for welcoming me
into your homes.

Good night, L.A.

Hmm.

Good night, L.A.

What a jerk.

George.

That's so sweet.
You're jealous.

Why should I be jealous?
I won.

He might have pumped the tires,
but I'm riding the bike.

Brrring! Brrring!

Well!

Then I guess you won't mind
if the bike makes a call

and congratulates Spencer
on his success.

Brrring! Brrring!

Go ahead, call him.
I will.

I don't care.

Because sabã©s que,
I know who I am inside.

I'm self-centered and secure.

Mom, we let you eat here
all the time.

Why do you have
to steal food?

Let me tell you something,
George,

harness racing is fixed, okay?
Just leave it at that!

Hi, is this channel 8?
I'm calling for Spencer Vogel.

Well, this is Angie palmero.
He'll remember me.

Palmero?

He doesn't know me
as Angie Lopez.

He doesn't even know
you exist.

Excuse me.

Spencer Vogel?
The new man candy on channel 8?

How does Angie know him?

Oh, he's from Miami.

They used to date
in high school.

She dumped him...For me.

And I thought I couldn't
pick a horse.

Hey, that was fast.

Well, he couldn't talk,

but he was so excited
to hear from me,

we're gonna do lunch
tomorrow.

Ha, that ought to be fun, huh?
Lunch with an anchorman.

"In breaking news, our waitress
has just informed us,

our salads
will be right out."

George,
are you okay with this?

Because if it's going
to bother you,

I don't have to have lunch
with Spencer.

Angie, please,
come on, I'm fine. Go ahead.

Okay.

And now a word
from the devil.

Don't worry, George.

She is not going to leave you
for this guy.

I know that.

She's just going to meet him
in a hotel.

And she will look back on it
as the one time in her life

when she really
felt like a woman.

Hey. Hey, hey.

I make my wife feel like a woman
every Friday night.

Unless she's got
an avocado mask.

Then every time I see her
I get so hungry,

I want to dip a chip
on her face.

Just don't say
I didn't warn you.

Just 'cause my father
cheated on you

doesn't mean that
everyone cheats.

Oh-h*.
You're right!

Oh, what do I know
about people?

You know what? Maybe your father
didn't even cheat on me.

You know, maybe that truckload
of panties

really did tip over
on the freeway.

And one of them just flew
right into his back pocket.

Look, Angie's not going
to risk losing me.

Our marriage is solid.
It's built on love and trust.

And that equity loan
on the house that's in her name

because I convinced her
we're a team.

George...
I'm just saying.

Crap happens, okay?

And you might want to get
yourself a lawyer.
Mom.

And a good one.

You know,
like that little bulldog

that saved Kobe's nuggets.

* all my friends
know the low rider *

* the low rider
is a little higher *

See, like that right there.

Oh.

Right there.

Oh, hey, George.
Call the police, man.

There's a supermodel trying to
steal Angie's clothes. Wa-cha.

Thank you, Ernie.

That's what you're wearing
to lunch with Spencer?

What, are you sh**ting
a tool calendar after dessert?

Come on, he's taking me
to that new place, onyx.

I want to look good.

Well, how come you don't
wear that kind of stuff

when I take you to lunch?

Okay, I will,
as long as you lean back

and let the kid working
the drive-thru see me, too.

Hey, Angie, Angie.

Ask Spencer if he can
get me an autograph

from that new weather girl,
Suzie fujimoto.

Man, my 3-day forecast for her
is hot, hot, hot!

And then the cold showers
cooling down my downtown area.

Oh, don't forget,
I'm meeting some clients

for a wedding rehearsal
right after lunch.

But I'll see you at dinner.

Oh, have fun!

What do you mean, "have fun"?
Whose side are you on?

I'm not taking sides.

She's just having lunch
with the guy.

Golly.

You know what?

Let's see how she feels when
I go out with one of my exes.

What are you doing?

Getting the yearbook.

I remember a few girls
who signed it

who still might want to grab
a seat on the "g" train.

"Wish I could've known you
better."

"Wish I could've known you
better."

"Who are you?"

"Hey, dude,
thanks for letting me hide

behind your big head
in math."

Here we go.

Remember Cindy cornado?

Oh, she was super hot!

Check out what she wrote.

"George, you rock.

"You rock harder
than Eddie Van halen

"and David Lee roth
put together.

"I'm sorry I never went out
with you.

I'll regret it the rest
of my life."

Yeah, well, that's cool
and everything,

but isn't that
your handwriting?

That little squiggly...

Yeah, right, I suppose I put
my mom's lipstick on

and kissed the page, too.

Hey, wait a minute!

It is your lips!

Why do you need to make Angie
jealous anyway?

If you were the biggest loser
in the world back then,

and you got her,
what are you worried about now?

Yeah, you're right.
I'm better now than I ever was.

Spencer needs three hours
in makeup.

I wake up and I'm like this.

Wa-cha!

H-Hi!

I'm glad you're here.

I was overly ambitious
with my bike route,

and I need a ride home.

Gentlemen, I have destroyed
my scrotum.

Well, talk to my mom, Vic,

I'm sure she's got an extra pair
laying around here somewhere.

Hey, man,
what do you remember

about Angie's old boyfriend,
Spencer Vogel?

She's still talking
about him?

He was a loser going nowhere.

I will never understand
why she was so devastated

when he broke up with her.

Wait a minute.
I thought she broke up with him.

Oh, no.
She was wild for him.

She cried and cried,

but I told her that the
attraction was just physical,

and that looks
were meaningless.

Evidently the lesson
sunk in.

She lied to me.

George,
that was 20 years ago.

What difference does it make
who dumped who?

Because if he dumped her,

she could still have a thing
for him.

He's the one that got away!

Oh, man, that's why
she went out with me.

She dropped a level
so she'd never get dumped again.

Now what are you doing?

I'm going to the restaurant.

George, that's crazy.

Look, Angie is the most
important thing in my life,

and I'm not going to let
some rich, good-looking dude

make a move on her.

God, I drove her to this.

You know,
last night she was wearing

the avocado mask
and rollers.

She had a little leg stubble.

I should've just pictured
Selma Hayek and went for it.

George, George, calm down!

Calm down.
You're too upset.

You're gonna go in there

and you're gonna make a fool
out of yourself.

Angie's in there, and I got to
stop them before it's too late.

It's a restaurant.
What could they be doing?

That!

Get a room, cheaters!

This is my husband.
He just got back from Iraq.

Ernie, a bottle of
our finest wine.

As you wish, sir.

I'm going in there.

Can I help you?

Um, yeah, I'm with
the, uh, Vogel party.

I don't have any
Vogel party here.

Oh try palmero.

I don't have them either.

That's impossible.
Man, she's got to be in there.

I'm sorry, you know,
my friend,

he just needs to talk
to his wife.

Yeah, they're working
through some stuff.

I'm sure he'll be right back.

I tried some Sushi once.

I was sick for four days,

but, you know,
I'm not blaming you.

So what's the deal
with the "no shoe" thing?

She's not in there.
She lied to me again.

Where did she go
with Vogel?

My mom's right.
She's cheating on me.

Look, I just got
my heart broken, too.

I get off about 11:00.

What say you, me,
and your buddy jump in a car,

we go to Vegas?

Get some party girls, and turn
this whole thing around.

Yeah, I'm in!

Find a ride home, Ernie.

I'm going to go look
for my wife.

So we could still
go to Vegas.

I just have to call my mom and
let her know I won't be home.

You know what? Me too.

Mama?

Okay, when you're walking
down the aisle,

remember to smile.

This is your wedding day,

the beginning of a
beautiful life together.

You know, I've been married


and each day is better
than the last.

I know you're sleeping
with the anchorman!

This'll just take a second.

Have you lost your mind?
I'm working here!

Look, you have been lying
to me.

I know you didn't dump Spencer.
Spencer dumped you.

Who cares?
It was a long time ago.

It doesn't matter now.

And it certainly doesn't mean
that I was sleeping with him.

What about today's lie?

I've been looking for you
for two hours, Angie.

What have you been doing
with Spencer?

Because you didn't have lunch
with him!

What's that?
Heart beating faster?

Starting to sweat?

Beady little eyes looking
all over the room.

The answer's not over there.
Look over here, liar!

There's nothing going on
between me and Spencer.

And I can explain it at home,
when I'm not working!

No, I want to know now.

This is not the time
or the place to discuss this!

Angie!

Sorry, now, where
were we? Hmm?

What happened

during lunch?

What happened

during lunch?

There was no lunch date!

I walked around the mall
for an hour.

What?

He blew me off
when I called yesterday.

He didn't even want
to have lunch.

He told me to get over it.

I was humiliated.
Are you happy?!

Angie, I don't think
this is the time or place

to air our dirty laundry.

Hey, you got a lot
to look forward to --

peaks and valleys.

Psst!

Love you.

Dad, are you fighting
with mom?

No.

Everything's fine, Max.

Now, we'll talk.

You know, it's this
fighting at home

that makes it hard
for me to study!

I got a "d" in history.
Good night!

Okay, look, wait,
before you say anything,

I know I acted like an idiot.

But I wouldn't have
gone down there

if you didn't lie to me
in the first place.

George...

How could I possibly
tell you the truth?

How could I tell you
that he dumped me,

and he never wanted
to see me again?

You put me on this pedestal
like I'm some kind of goddess.

And I always wanted you to
believe that you won the prize,

not caught me on the rebound
from Spencer.

I did this for you, George.

Oh-h*-h*! So close!

I'll bet the only reason you
called him in the first place

was to make me jealous.

No one's ever dumped
Angie palmero.

I'm a prize, damn it.

I know that, Angie.

Why do you think
I got so freaked out

when I thought
I might lose you?

Look, everything good in my life
is because of you.

Oh, honey.

You've never said that
before.

Well, I'm never going
to say it again,

so I hope you enjoyed it.

Spencer Vogel is not
half the man you are.

Why are we still talking
about Spencer Vogel?

Look, it's a long story,

and it makes Angie look bad,
so I'm gonna tell it anyway.

She saw Spencer on TV and called
him up to have lunch.

What?

He cannot do that.
He cannot break the contract!

What contract?

What contract?

Daddy.

It's water under the bridge.
Forget it.

I will call Spencer
right now.

He probably won't
take the call.

What does it matter?
It's a small thing, really.

Uh, but...

I paid him $10,000
to break it off with you

and never see you again.

What?!

You paid him to
get out of my life?

How dare you!

Yeah, how dare you!

Hey, man, you hated my guts,
and you never offered me a dime.

Well, I saw you
in your def leppard t-shirt

and struggling
to read a comic book,

and I thought,
"well, he'll destroy himself."

This changes everything.

No, it -- it doesn't, Angie.

I mean, if your dad
hadn't have paid Spencer off,

we never would have met.

This means that we were meant
to be together.

Not that.

It means
I've never been dumped.

I'm undefeated!

Yes!

I did the right thing.
He was a loser.

So, George, um,

what would you have done
if I had offered you $10,000

to never see Angie again?

Vic...

I can't believe
you're saying this.

I mean, this offends me.

In 200,000 small,
nonsequential ways.

Under the lemon tree.

Tomorrow morning.

You won't be contacted again.

Face it, deep down,
all men are cheaters.

Mom, that'd be
more insulting

if you hadn't have just pulled
an ace out of your sleeve.

Benny, that's not true.

I was completely faithful.

It was my wife
who cheated on me.

Well, that's just because she
was the man in the relationship.

That hurts coming
from another man.

Hey, you know,
I'll be honest,

I've been tempted
to cheat before.

Dude, flipping the magazine
from one bra ad to another

is not cheating.

I'd never cheat on Angie.

I mean, I know how good
I got it.

Guys.

It's getting late.
You should wrap it up.

Come on.

Hey, where
you guys going?

Night.

Bye, baby. Oh.

So, it's Friday night.

You ready to come to bed?

I'll be right there baby.