02x05 - Off-White Lies

[bunniefuu]

♪

- Everybody has a normal,

a baseline for what
they expect their life to be.

♪

I expected to casually text
my best friend to hang out.

[phone tapping]

But even something
as normal as surfing

feels like breaking the law.

And for me,

it kind of is.

After surviving
something like cancer,

you know your life isn't
ever going to be the same.

But is it too much to ask that
there be something normal

about your new normal?

[phone dings]

[soft dramatic music]

- [sighs]

♪

[knocking]

- What's up?

- Hey, you're--
you're early.

- You ready for your lesson?
- Yeah, I'm--yeah.

- Can I--yeah.
- How are you?

- Good. Sorry.
- Good to see you.

- So where's this elusive Mia?

Where's this girlfriend
that you talk about,

or are you afraid that she'll
like me more than you, huh?

- Hi.

- Mia, this is Sierra.
- Sierra.

Sorry, sorry.
So nice to finally meet you.

- Yeah, it's so nice
to meet you.

- Sorry, my hands
are super sweaty.

I just ran, like, five miles...

[sheepish laugh]

Anyway, I'll just
wait for you out front.

- Yeah, I'll be there in,
like, five seconds.

- Yeah, cool.
Bye, Mia.

[door creaks, clicks]

- So that was Sierra.
You like her?

- Yeah, she seems really cool.

- Yeah.

- Okay, but let me guess--
you, uh,

you didn't tell her
about my leg?

- [sighs]

When you meet a new person
are you like,

"Oh, hey,
my boyfriend had cancer."

- I don't know.
It is part of our story.

- It's part of our past.

- [laughs softly]
Okay, well, now she's--

literally standing there
and she seems really weird.

- She's not
standing out there weird.

[door clicks]
Why do you say that?

- Hey,
do you guys know why

Sierra's outside
being all weird?

It's super strange.

- So, what's this lesson that
you're learning anyway?

- Um, she's just gonna be
helping me with AP Calc

and studying and stuff.

- Since when do you
need help studying?

- You remember when
I was in the hospital

and I had chemo brain?

- Are you leaving right now?

- Yeah, why?

- Um, I need a ride
to the hospital.

I have support group
and then physical therapy.

Do you not remember?

- I forgot the support group
part, but that's fine.

Bec can take you.

- What?
- I owe you.

You're gonna be fine, okay?

I'm gonna go study for,
like, an hour,

and when I come back,
we can meet your leg together.

Your thing's at 2:00, right?
- Yeah.

- I promise.
I'll be here.

- Okay.

- Have fun at support group.

[door slams]

- You told him
I go to support group?

- No,
he was talking to me, I--

- Ugh, whatever.

- [sighs softly]

- All right, everybody,
are we, uh,

ready to start group?

Mia, I'm glad you're back.

How's everything going?

- I don't know.

- I have a theory about,
"I don't know."

- What's that?

- That it's bullshit.

Anytime someone says,

"I don't know"
about how they're feeling,

what they really mean is,
"I'm afraid to say."

What are you afraid of?

- [scoffs]

I think it would be faster

to list the things
I'm not afraid of.

- You guys going anywhere?

[soft dramatic music]

♪

- [sighs]
Well, for starters,

I'm losing my hair.

I never thought of myself
as a wig person,

but...then again,

I never thought
I'd be getting a fake leg.

[sniffs]
I'm afraid of being a burden.

♪

And I'm afraid of being alone.

Really, most of all,
just afraid that

I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life

with every single person
feeling just sorry for me.

[sniffs]

Except for her,

because she's too busy
hating me to feel sorry for me.

- Mia,

I don't hate you.

I get annoyed by you,

but I get annoyed
by most people, so,

don't take it personally.

- [sighs softly]

- Mia, you can let
all of your fears paralyze you,

or you can choose
to step beyond them.

And trust me,
everything that you want

is on the other side.

- Great news.

My last appointment
was a no-show,

which means we're
getting started early today.

- Can we maybe just
wait a few minutes?

I'm still waiting
for someone--

- Let's get you in this leg.
Let's go.

[Billy The Kid's
"Won't Be The Same"]

- ♪ I just can't
think straight ♪

♪ I got too many angles
running around my brain ♪

♪ 'Cause I gotta go
but I wanna stay ♪

♪ And it breaks my heart

♪ When I hear you say

♪ He-e-e-ey

♪ It'll be okay

[waves crashing]

♪ 'Cause I kno-o-o-ow

♪ It won't be the same

♪ Won't be the same

♪

[wheelchair clacks]

- Baby's first steps.

We talked about it.
It's time to do it.

Now, this is gonna hurt.

I want you to focus
on the fundamentals.

Grip the handle bars and
lead with the hands for now.

- [inhales, exhales]

[grunts softly]

- Strike the heel.

Follow through with the toe.

Keep the knee in line.

Each step a little better,
come on.

Use those hands.
- [whimpers]

- You're gonna have to
get used to putting pressure

on that leg.

This is where
we put the work in.

- [grunting]
- Use the hands.

[heartbeat increasing]
[muffled voices]

- I need to sit.

- You just started.

- [grunts loudly]
[panting]

- No, no.
No phone.

Give me the phone--
- You know what?

I want a new trainer,

okay, because
you don't understand

what the hell
I'm going through.

You don't understand
how hard it is to just--

- Mia.

Car accident.

I was 16.

Ready to walk?

- Trevor,

I'm--I'm so--
- No.

Don't even say it.

You don't get
to feel sorry for me,

and I don't get
to feel sorry for you.

It's up to you.

What are you gonna do?

[determined music]

♪

- [breathes deeply]

- [grunts]
- Hey.

Are you feeling okay?
- I'm fine.

Not to brag or anything...
- No, you know--hey.

- I think I might go pro.
- [laughs] Hey.

Easy, Johnny Tsunami.

Let's just say that
you didn't totally suck.

[laughter]

- Hey, I don't have my phone.
What time is it?

- It's 2:30.

What, you got a curfew?

- We need to go.

- Oh, what--what's the rush?

- Actually...[sighs]

Next time we see my family,
can we just not tell them

about this whole
surfing thing, please?

- Why not?

- [sighs]

- Oh, my God,

you're not supposed
to be here right now, are you?

- Not technically,
but I'm fine.

I'm fine, can we just talk
about this in the car?

- Find your own
ride home, okay?

- Sierra, no--
- You don't need my help

getting your a*s back
in the hospital.

- I'm fine.
I told you, I'm fine.

You can't leave me here,
Sierra.

[car engine turns over]

- He'll be here any minute.

But you don't have to
sit here and wait with me.

- Good job today.

[mellow music]

- Hey.
Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late.

Hey, I'm--I'm Zac.
We haven't officially met yet.

- I know.
She's been waiting an hour.

- Hey.
Whoa.

Is that your new leg?
Looks good.

- Is that sand?
- What?

♪

- Why do you smell
like the beach?

- ♪ Running from

- Let's just go.
Thank you, Trevor.

- Anytime.

- [sighs]

- Hey.

- ♪ Honey,
I know you feel the same ♪

♪ And if it's pride you need

♪ I'll take the blame

♪

- You said you were studying.

- I was just
surfing with Sierra.

I didn't think it was
that big of a deal.

- You're in remission.

[soft dramatic music]

Why would you risk your health
when you've been so lucky?

- I'm not lucky.

- You almost died, Zac.

- You don't have
to worry about me.

I'm fine.
- You lied to me.

- I'm sorry.

- [sighs softly]

You know,
I'm going through a lot too.

I'm here at your house,

trusting in you.

If I can't trust you...

- Hey.

Hey.

You can trust me.

It's not gonna happen again.
I promise you.

I'm gonna show you.

And I know I don't deserve
any more chances,

but I really need one more.

♪

I'm sorry.

Last thing you need to do
is worry about me.

- All I know is

everything is temporary.

- And why do you say that?

- Everything goes away.

You know that saying,

"if one door closes,
another one opens"?

Well, that's just...

it's not the case for me.

- Here's the thing.

I think it's all
about perspective.

- You wanna know
my perspective?

- I'm constantly getting doors
just slammed in my face.

And I keep losing--
I keep losing people,

and places...

[sighs]

My God.

How long until
I run out of doors?

[sighs]

[whimpers]

- Are you okay, Mia?

- Yeah, fine.

♪

- So you were saying
you have phantom pains?

- Yeah, it feels like

knives just stabbing
where my toes used to be.

- I get the same thing,

but it feels like
pins and needles

prickling all over my foot,
like, all the time.

I got something
that might help.

It's kind of a trip,
but it works.

Can you trust me?

- Yeah.

♪

[sighs]

What--I don't wanna
check my makeup right now.

- [laughs softly]

So everybody thinks
the eyes are what see,

but it's actually the brain.

The eye just transmits.

I'm gonna have to put this
right next to your leg.

Is that okay?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.
- Okay.

- [laughs softly]

- Wiggle your toes.

- [laughs]
- Any pain?

- No.

What, is that because my brain
thinks my leg is back?

- Yeah.

Your brain holds on so hard
to what it's used to.

Until it learns to let go
of what's gone forever,

it's just gonna keep
causing you unnecessary pain.

Pretty cool, huh?

- Thank you.

- So, you ready to
get back to work?

- Yeah.

[door thuds]

- If you're so afraid,
why do this?

- That's kinda the whole point
of a bucket list.

No regrets.

[mellow music]

Stop worrying about Zac.
Worry about me.

[sighs]
What if I get booed off stage?

- If they boo you,

I will personally
kick their a*s.

- Oh, perfect.

Watching a hot,
one-legged blonde

knee a guy in the b*ll s*ck
is number 33 on my list.

- [laughs]

- My lady,
my brother's lady.

- Thank you.

Thanks for letting me be
your third wheel tonight.

- Mia, chill.
We got you.

- [coughs]

- This isn't a big deal.

♪

It's just the key to our house.
It's not a puppy or anything.

- Bec.
- Don't be weird.

Where's Zac?

- He isn't coming.

- Uh, is this thing on?

What's up, guys?
My name is Zac.

Hi.

And I messed up.

- It looks like he's here.

- I screwed up
the one chance I had

with the person
who means the most to me,

and I kinda hope this is an
upgrade from an I'm Sorry card,

'cause I am.

I'm sorry.

But without further ado,

I would like to introduce
my friend, Ashley,

who is going to be performing
a very special song.

[applause]

- I told you not
to worry about Zac.

[nervous squeak]

- You got it.

- Hey. So...
[mic squeals]

Whoa.
Sorry.

[laughs softly]

Someone once told me

that you can breathe
your way through anything

no matter how painful.

Obviously, they lacked
a sense of irony...

[laughs]

- [mouthing words]

- Um, anyway...

here goes nothing.

- Ready?

["ILYSB" playing]

- ♪ Ain't never felt this way

♪ Can't get enough

♪ So stay with me

♪ It's not like
we got big plans ♪

♪ Let's drive around town
holding hands ♪

♪ And you need to know

♪ You're the only one

♪ All right...
[clears throat]

♪ All right

♪ And you need to know

♪ That you keep me up

♪ All night

♪ All night...

[coughing]

♪

Keep playing...
[coughing]

- It's okay.

- [continues coughing]

♪

- ♪ Mad cool
with all my clothes ♪

♪ Mad warm
when you get close ♪

♪ To me

♪ Slow dance
these summer nights ♪

♪ Our disco ball's
my kitchen light ♪

♪ And you need to know

♪ That nobody can take

♪ Your place

♪ Your place

♪ And you need to know

♪ That I'm hella obsessed
with your face ♪

♪ Your face

both:
♪ Oh, my heart

- ♪ Hurts so good

♪ I love you, babe

both: ♪ So bad

♪ So bad
- ♪ Oh

both:
♪ Oh, my heart hurts so good

♪ I love you, babe

♪ So bad

♪ So bad

- [holding note]

- ♪ Oh, my heart hurts

- ♪ Baby, baby, baby
- ♪ Oh, my heart hurts

both:
♪ So bad

- What do you see
in that guy anyway?

both:
♪ Oh, my heart hurts

- Everything.
both: ♪ So bad

♪ So bad

- ♪ Mmm

[cheers and applause]

- Play it again!

- ♪ Ain't never
felt this way ♪

♪ Can't enough

♪ So stay with me

♪ It's not like
we got big plans ♪

♪ Let's drive around town

♪ Holding hands

♪ And you need to know

♪ You're the only one

♪ All right

♪ All right

♪ And you need to know

♪ That you keep me up

♪ All night

♪ All night

both:
♪ Oh, my heart hurts so good

♪ I love you
- ♪ Babe

both:
♪ So bad

♪ So bad

♪ Oh, my heart hurts so good

♪ I love you, babe

♪ So bad

♪ So bad

- ♪ Mmm

♪