05x04 - George Drives the Batmobile

[bunniefuu]

Hey, what do you think?

Your dad and I went to that place where you paint your own ceramics,

and we made this pot.

Alright, how'd you screw up this time?

I didn't.

Your mother and I just wanted to spend four hours of quality time together.

It was one hour.

No way you don't get a headache like this in one hour.

Why are you making a sandwich out here?

Because Grandma Benny stunk up the whole downstairs.

Well, that's Grandma's special perfume.

It's a secret blend of whiskey.

Tobacco, sweat, and a dead tooth.

It's called a heart.

No, she's coloring her hair in the sink and the dye reeks.

Oh, my God.

Oh

I can't even breathe in here.

Oh, man, Mom!

It's the price of beauty.

Well, whatever you spend, it costs more.

Why are you doing this here? Why can't you go to your salon?

I got no way to get there. My car burned up.

Maybe if someone who owes me their life could loan me some money, I could buy a used car.

You're living here rent-free.

You should have enough money saved up by now to get your own car.

I had a bunch of money saved up, but then...

I had some unforeseen expense.

Are you gambling again?

No.

MOM!

It's not gambling when it's a sure thing.

That stupid horse broke its leg.

The jockey fell off and got paralyzed.

It's always me, something always happens to me!

George, can you help me for a minute?

I'm done for the day.

I painted your damn pot.

I listen to your Sounds of the Ocean CD in the car.

Angie, whales should not make albums.

I can just see them in the recording studio like that.

George, come here.

What?

When I said we should take your mom in, I did not know she'd be here all the time.

She's driving me crazy.

We should help her get a car.

No.

Stay strong, Angie. Eventually she'll give up and buy her own car.

George, look, I am telling you right now, if I do not...

in my own house.

Your mom and I will come to blows.

I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck.

And you cry when your shoes pinch.

Good luck, Bambi.

So, George.

If you're not gonna loan me any money,

could you at least let me borrow your car tonight?

Sorry.

I'm going to the fight downtown with Ernie,

and I won't be home till late.

Bye.

I guess I'll just have to hang around the house.

Yeah, upside down.

No, we are people, damn it!

Outside! Outside!

Angie, Angie, Angie, I'm so sorry.

You know, I have been caged up here so long,

I forgot my manners.

Say, now here's an idea.

Maybe you will let me borrow your van so I could get out tonight.

No.

Why not?

Because

You will suck your thumb and milk a cow.

I don't know what you're doing

she's gonna drink and drive

I got that

and my back was to him

hey there

Girlfriend.

You wanna help Grandma out and give her a ride tonight?

Grandma, I'm not driving you to a bars.

You know what?

I just wanted to go to the pharmacy

to pick up my medication, but forget it.

Well, I'm sorry, I...

Of course I'll take you.

Which form is?

Anyone that has a happy hour.

I'll be two beers.

Man, George, I gotta thank you, all right?

That fight was great, and those seats were amazing.

Hey, I think I got blood from one of the boxers on me.

Yeah, they say women can't fight, but damn, that one could.

Yeah, not too much talent here tonight.

Oh.

Oh, I spoke too soon.

Check out that hottie.

Carmen?

You can call her whatever you like,

but that's 200 pounds of beautiful...

What plain pool?

Oh, hey, that's Carmen.

Oh, that's cool.

So you got your...

You got your own card.

What does a mortgage broker do?

He goes to prison for picking up 17-year-old girls.

Carmen, what the hell are you doing here?

Dad, Grandma Benny called.

She's drunk and she needed a ride home.

Damn it, Mom.

Hey!

You want to explain what my daughter's doing here?

George, thank God you found Carmen.

I followed her here, but she gave me the slip.

You know what?

You've gone too far this time.

You old bat.

Look, you can stand there and yell at me,

or you can get your daughter out of this harmful environment.

George, there are a lot of drunk people here, right?

That's right.

Take off your shirt.

Gina, I'm your boss.

No, you're not.

George Lopez is not.

Nudia.

All my friends know that I'm a rider.

What were you thinking?

It's after midnight.

You do not sneak out of this house.

I know, but Grandma Benny called and said

she had no way to get home.

I'm home.

And then I thought.

What would mom do?

Because...

You always do the right thing, and if I could be more like you, then I would be a better person.

Why don't I get a shovel from the yard

so I can fertilize it with all this crap?

Yeah, I didn't buy it either.

go to bed carmen

Thank you.

This?

is the most irresponsible thing you have ever done.

How could you take our 17-year-old daughter to a bar?

You're right, I took...

Advantage of Carmen, I feel so guilty.

I don't deserve to be conscious right now.

Mom?

Okay, hear me out.

We have eight hours till she comes to.

We can get her deep into Mexico.

We'll put her in a Pikachu costume

We'll leave her with a stick and a note that says,

Beat me, I have candy inside!

Honey, she's making us all miserable.

Would it be the end of the world if we helped her buy a car?

It doesn't even have to have airbags or brakes.

Then she gets what she wants.

She wins.

It's not about...

Winning or losing, it's about being an adult and compromising.

You are so unattractive to me right now.

Okay.

If we don't buy her a car, then we are both going to have to suck it up.

and drive her around.

I'm willing to do my sh*t.

All right, I guess if you're willing to take that on.

guess I can too.

Thank you!

You see what happens when we act like adults and compromise?

We come up with solutions.

You're right, baby.

Oh, by the way, I got to work late for the next month,

so have fun driving my mom around.

I was thirsty.

I scored. Be cool.

What?

Nope.

Hey, there.

Name's Sonny.

like the sun.

Because I'm hot.

And everything revolves around me.

So, Sonny, are you a diplomat or a professor?

Just drive us to Magnolia and Woodman, going to his place.

Are we?

Have we thought through all the consequences of our actions?

I asked for a ride, not a buzzkill.

Fine.

so uh how'd she rope you into driving anyway i'm benny's daughter-in-law okay i'll buy it who's

benny actually i forgot to tell you but benny is my middle name so crystal is your first name

yes it is crystal benny carrington

so tell me uh what do i need to know about this lady here well sunny

Crystal, it's someone who's honest,

who doesn't rush things.

Someone who expresses his affection for her

in a gentlemanly way.

You think you can handle that, Sonny?

Sonny?

Don't believe this!

I'm sorry. I'll be a little rude here.

Thank you.

Why don't you pull over and join the party?

It was maybe chilly up front, but back here,

it's sunny and hot.

That's it.

I'm dropping you off at the filthiest,

most disgusting motel I can find.

Oh, the safari on Sepulveda's pretty nasty.

I hear.

Where's the checkbook?

I left it by the computer. Why?

We're buying your mom a new one.

No!

she picked up a guy at Thirsty's and they were making out in the backseat of

the minivan and then they asked me if I wanted to join them not me he did

If I swung that way, I could do better than her.

This should be enough.

No.

Don't cave in. We're not giving her a cent.

Yeah? Do you have another idea?

Pikachu, Pikachu!

You're going to have to figure something out

because I'm not driving her anymore.

From now on,

Thanks for watching!

I'll drive.

Thanks for watching!

Things will be different.

Not giving rides to any of your boyfriends.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours,

it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours,

it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge.

Stop singing!

I can't hear the guy!

Quiet!

Sorry, what were you saying?

How can I help you?

I would like a cheeseburger.

Oh, sorry, I was ordering into the wrong big clown head.

We'll take ten cheeseburgers.

You like a friend, friend?

Sorry?

Thank you.

FRIENDS FRIENDS!

FRIENDS FRIENDS!

These aren't my friends.

Not one of them is fine.

Frank Fry!

Papa Frita!

All right, who wants french fries?

I say you have to get a bunch, because the ladies will be really unhappy.

All right, nine french fries and one chocolate shake.

¿Qué es?

Hold on, hold on a second.

What?

What kind of fountain drinks do you have?

Excuse me?

Fountain drinks, what?

Kind of fountain...

drinks do you have one minute please

It's soda!

Why you don't say soda, stupid?

All right, just give me nine. It's sodas.

I don't even care what they are.

Supresa me.

Yeah, hold it.

You know, I don't feel like a burger.

I'm in the mood for a little Mexican.

What time do you get off?

Gina, there are some jobs even Mexicans won't do.

Stop it.

So help me God, I will turn this car around

if you don't stop throwing fries at me.

Shut up and drive the bus.

Shut up and drive the bus.

Shut up and drive the bus.

Shut up and hey, hey, hey.

What's that building we're driving by?

It's a library.

No, I think it's the gas company.

What's going to happen, Gina?

Okay, my eyes are burning. Nobody light a cigarette.

See, maybe they should close the residence doors.

George, my court's giving you the eye.

Don't start.

George, he's egging you on.

I'm not getting sucked into this.

George, come on.

What are you waiting for, you pr粼s.

Just kick off your high heels and floor it.

Take a kiss.

. . Take a kiss. . .

Come on, I told you.

Shut up!

Ah!

You want some, punk?

Yeah, I'll race you, fool.

But the loser takes your women home.

All right, Eminem, you're on.

Ha! That's right, I got you!

I own you, punk!

Oh, man.

Ah, don't worry.

I know how to get out of this.

I'll take the ticket!

Come on, hurry!

what happened

Mr. Lopez was speeding.

committed reckless endangerment, had open containers in the car, too many passengers.

none of them wearing seatbelts, and someone

reached for my g*n.

that was my friend gina

And she wasn't reaching for your g*n.

Thanks, officer.

Honey.

What is going on?

She tricked me into racing a guy and I lost my license for 30 days.

We'll be right back.

You know, I feel pretty responsible for this.

I will drive George around.

You're not touching my car.

You would keep your car in a garage for a whole month instead of letting me drive it?

That's right.

And you know what? Just to make sure.

Åh, åh, åh!

Teksting av Nicolai Winther

What are you going to do in 30 days when you can drive again?

I win battles, not wars

You were actually.

Crazy. Why can't you just let her drive your car?

Why should I?

She never let me drive hers.

What?

That's what all this is about?

Yeah, that's what all this is about.

I had my license and everything, and you never let me touch your car, not once.

I was the only one of my friends who never got to drive.

BASED!

That was 20 years ago, and I was working two jobs.

If you had wrecked that car, we would have been screwed.

Yeah, what about prom night?

The hotel was by the airport.

I had to take the shuttle there.

If I had let drive, you could have ended up like Jimmy Ortega.

Cool?

Jimmy Ortega, he lived down the street from us.

He was a couple of years older than you.

He died in a car accident.

He was real smart.

I couldn't let my Dyslexic Kid drive!

You flunked gym!

why does it matter which way i run the laps i ran them

i didn't want to get a call saying that my son had died driving the wrong way on a freeway

You were worried about.

Don't flatter yourself.

I got grandkids now if I need bone marrow.

I'm not so into you anymore.

Mom.

White.

Wait.

Thank you.

Here.

This is a spare key to my car.

Hey, but you have to promise me that you'll never, ever drink and drive.

I can't believe all this time you wouldn't let me drive

because you were afraid I'd get hurt.

Just drop it.

Is that why you wouldn't let me play football?

Look, George.

for a helmet.

spit your head, they would have had to take out the padding.

Now, I was already growing tomatoes in the backyard.

I did not want...

another vegetable in the house.

Thank you.

You know what?

Thanks, Mom.

I never thought I'd see this.

You two are actually communicating.

You know?

This might be a great opportunity to clear the air about other issues you got.

Fair enough.

Your wife is a tool.

Is that enough for now or you want more?