05x21 - George Discovers How Mescal-ed Up His Life Would Have Been Without the Benny-Fits

[bunniefuu]

Hey, George, here you go.

I feel pretty good about this.

I think I got a good shot at winning the contest.

Nice job, brother. You're in the lead.

Really? All right, Reno!

Oh, now you're in second.

Third.

Hey, Ernie, you're back in the lead.

Really?

No, how could that be possible?

Damn!

All right, everyone, the contest is over.

I need your productivity numbers.

Let's see who's going to Reno.

Hey, George!

Ask me where I'm going.

I already know where you're going, Mom.

It's hot, full of sinners, and you'll be dating Hitler.

That's his punishment.

No, I'm going to Reno because I am going to win the contest.

I asked around.

Nobody's got as good in numbers as mine.

No way. You made these up.

Uh-uh. Go out there and check the warehouse.

See, I haven't worked so hard since I tried to teach you how to spell cat.

You never taught me anything. You just punished me.

I wasn't hooked on phonics. I was hooked to a radiator.

Look, I know that I have got the highest number.

So, like I told the guy I picked up at Thirsty's last night,

cut the chit-chat and give Mama what she came for.

All right.

Everyone gather round.

Look, I just want to thank you all for working so hard this last month.

You're all winners, and you all should be going to Reno.

I said should!

Only one of you is going.

Just hand out the trip.

Okay, Mom.

The winner is...

Gina Sornstam!

Ah, damn! I'm going to Reno!

This is crap!

I should have won, and you know it.

I had the highest numbers.

Age don't count, sweetheart.

I just want everyone to know

that I did not sleep with George to get this.

Yeah, let's make that clear, Hut.

Now, this is a trip for two,

and I don't have anyone to take with me.

Sleeping in a king-size bed

is going to be awfully lonely.

Without a king.

A king.

A fine-a*s-to-king.

Gina, the hotel in Reno doesn't have

turndown service, but I do. No.

You fix this.

You're crazy.

No, I should have won,

but you just couldn't let me, could you?

Huh? Because you know why?

You have never won anything in your whole life.

Hey, I wanted lots of things.

You just weren't there to see it.

A little league championship, a battle of the band's funniest kid in third grade.

Where does a scum go to college?

Pee you.

It still holds up.

So that's why you wouldn't let me win this trip, huh?

Because I missed a few things?

Mom, it's over. You lost. Get back to work.

No.

It's not over.

You screwed me, and now I am going to get you.

It's payback time.

Oh, uh, what are you going to do, raise me again?

There's nothing you can do to hurt me now.

We'll see about that.

¡Ay, Dios mío!

Why?

Why did you take the kids?

We had so much in common.

You're an oversized head.

What is going on?

For every day I don't get my trip to Reno,

one of your loved ones will die.

This can't be happening.

You had a lifetime guarantee I was supposed to go first!

YOU!

How does it feel to have something stolen from you?

Hurts.

Doesn't it?

If you touch another one of my clubs, Mom, I swear to God, I will take your...

I will hurt.

You're

Damn it! There's nothing she cares about!

What is going on?

We had a productivity contest at work, and my mom's mad because she lost.

Don't call me mom.

You are not my son anymore.

Yes!

Finally, the nightmare ends.

Maybe now I can find a real mom.

I'm going to put an ad in the paper.

Looking for non-smoker.

Willing to hug.

Must be adult height.

Angie, he cheated me.

I should have won.

I had the highest numbers.

Is that true?

Did she have the highest numbers?

Look, she's been cheating on her time card for years.

What does that have to do with this contest?

I did the work!

Well, whoever did the most work should win.

I mean, George, you have to be a man of your word.

Why?

She's never been a man of her word.

She said if I got a B,

that I could go to Treetop Rangers camp.

Well, I got the B.

But you never let me go, did you, Mom?

Oh, my God!

That was like 30 years ago.

When does this stop?

Boy, the bucket never comes up empty from your pity well, does it?

While all the kids were camping and...

Getting Indian names, I was alone in the backyard.

So I had to come up with my own name, Boy Who Plays With Himself.

After I told the other rangers my name, nobody would do the secret handshake with me anymore.

George, George, I am so sorry that I didn't let you go camping.

I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect mom,

but I won this trip fair and square.

You just don't get it, do you?

Angie, explain to my mom why I can't give her the trip.

Explain.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

That's a weird way to put it, but thank you.

I was talking about you.

What?

As horrible as she was to you, and you were horrible.

That was in the past.

You can't punish her for that now.

Are you siding with my mom?

George.

Right?

is right.

NO!

You're my wife.

I support you.

You support me.

Think very carefully about the next thing you say.

Are you siding?

With my mom.

I'm siding with your mom.

I don't think you understood me.

because i will leave this house right now unless you back me up so

Are you siding with your husband?

Or are you siding with my mom?

I'm siding with your mom.

Last chance!

Your mom.

Damn it!

Ah!

Man, that waitress is beautiful.

So full, ask her out.

No way, she's out of my league.

Very good, boys.

Two more shots of mezcal.

Anything else I can get you?

Uh, yeah, my friend has something he wants to ask you.

Ask her, man, ask.

Ask her.

Um, I was wondering, um...

Uh, Friday night around 7.

Um, what's your soup gonna be?

We don't have soup.

Sorry for wasting your time.

Oh.

My bad.

Wow, she didn't go for the soup line.

She's obviously a l*sbian.

What's your soup?

Da loco, what's your soup?

Ali, you don't have to take it out on me

just because you have problems at home.

I can't believe Angie took my mom's side

after all that that woman's done to me.

Hey, George, you might have had a rough childhood,

but you got a great life now.

Okay, you got Angie, a great family.

You managed the plant.

You got Angie.

You said Angie twice.

Thanks for watching!

Did I?

I'm sure it doesn't mean anything.

Dude, all I know is,

for somebody who has a better life than I do,

you should complain a lot.

You know what? That's easy for you to say.

You had a great mom.

Hey, don't drink that, George.

You got the one with the worm, man.

That thing has all kinds of weird psychedelic properties.

No, it doesn't.

Hey, maybe I'll have a psychedelic vision

and forget all about my horrible mom.

Mm.

Nope. Nothing.

See? I'm fine with that. Hello.

Okay. Hey, but if you start feeling weird...

Lock me!

No!

No!

This will help you sleep better.

No, don't smother me.

I was just trying to make you more comfortable.

Thanks for watching!

What was that?

What did you do to me?

Kissed you, funny bunny.

Warm cinnamon roll?

What's going on?

Oh, you dozed off watching TV.

Where am I?

Your home, Angel.

Home?

Angel? Hey.

Are you drunk?

Drinking before 5.

I don't know.

I don't think so.

Man, look at all these pictures of me.

Yes.

It's almost time to put up the summer ones.

So I live here with you?

Well, until you meet a girl who's good enough for you.

And you know, I don't think someone like that really exists.

Thanks for watching!

You know, I had the weirdest dream.

That you were always mean to me, telling me that my head was too big.

But never.

God made your head that way so it could cradle that big, wonderful brain.

Lemonade?

What's this?

Oh!

That's the weekend you went camping with the Treetop Rangers.

I went?

What are you doing there?

I was the den, Mother Silly-o.

We had the best time ever.

Well, you must remember that.

Cove at Mama Bear's side.

That's my Indian name.

And it's still true.

I love you.

I love you, Mom.

I love you more.

Thanks for watching!

This is weird.

Your hair smells like shampoo instead of cigarettes.

I don't know what's going on.

But it's awesome.

Ciao!

I'll see you at lunch, Mom.

Oh, actually, honey, we need to talk.

Now, don't be upset.

But word around the factory is that there are going to be some layoffs and...

Your name has been mentioned.

Me? What did I just...

Don't you worry about a thing.

It doesn't matter to me if you keep this job or not.

I'll always love you.

You'll always be Cub at Mama Bear's side.

All right, everyone.

I'm afraid we're going to have to let some of you go.

It's a hard decision to make, so...

I'm not going to do it.

I'm gonna turn it over to the best damn manager this plan ever had that would be

me what's up hello thanks Mel I got it from here

Now.

I'm gonna give you all a chance to fight for your job, all right?

George

You're first.

Ernie.

Ernie.

I just want you to know.

If my job is in Japan,

I'll do anything you want.

You say jump, I'll say...

On what?

That's good to know, Gina.

I'm going to get right to the point, George.

In your department, I gotta fire one guy.

It's between you and Mikey Cruz.

No, not Mikey. He's got a wife and three kids.

He needs his job. What's he gonna do?

Oh, can't lie, George.

Your job's at stake and you're sticking up for the other guy

This is your problem.

You're a good worker, but you're just too soft.

I'm not soft.

I was playing Monopoly last night with my mom

and she landed on my property and she didn't have any money

and I said, Sasuke!

Pay up!

George

You're my best friend.

I'm going to protect your job on this.

But you gotta learn to stick up for yourself.

Grow some backbones!

I got backbone.

PLEASE

You're a mama's boy.

You live at home and you don't even have the guts to ask a girl out.

That's not true. I just haven't found anyone good enough.

My mom says she might not even exist.

There's plenty of women right here at the factory.

Ya, ¿qué tal Tania?

Eh?

You're coming over to dinner tonight?

Why don't you bring her?

I told you, I already have a date.

I'm bringing my mom.

Oh, that day.

Tania!

Yeah.

Ernie, what are you doing? She's out of my league.

Tanya, George has something to ask you.

Come here.

George, come here.

Oh, man, that's a girl.

Oh, ask her.

Ask her.

Ask her.

Ask her.

Um.

I was just thinking...

Uh...

Later on, around...



Lütfen.

Think there's still going to be any coffee left?

I get off at 6. How the hell should I know?

Sorry for bothering you.

Hey, my bad, man.

She didn't go for the coffee line.

She's obviously a l*sbian.

Will there be any coffee left?

Esta loco, will there be any coffee left?

Orale!

honey i'm home angie hey george

no it's a big deal i'm kissing my wife

That's right.

You and Angie are married.

I am.

I'm cool with that.

Ugh.

No!

Dude, I know you got a crush on my lady,

but you gotta hide it better than that, sorry.

Don't be so hard on George.

I'm flattered.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, we heard someone yelling.

You could hear the earth churning with those ears.

Hey, don't make fun of my kids, brother.

Yeah, your kids.

Oh, man.

Kids, why don't you go wash up? Dinner will be ready in a minute.

Thank you.

Let's go. Go, go. Go, Apple.

Love you, Pooh Bear.

So, I see what's for dinner, Pedro. What's for dessert?

What do you want?

You know what I want.

Watch out.

Wah-pah!

Stop it!

Stop what?

I can't take it anymore, man.

Angie's my wife.

Those are my kids.

This is my house and this is my life!

You're losing it, man.

Daddy?

Will you take a look at George? I think there's something wrong with him.

I'll tell you what's wrong.

My mom loves me and it ruined everything.

Let me see your eyes.

Oh, yes. In my professional opinion,

you are having a hallucinogenic reaction to eating me.

I'm in your belly.

Watch me dance.

George, George, wake up! George!

George, wake up! Wake up!

What's going on?

Dude, you ate the worm and you passed out.

Thank you.

Okay

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm the manager of the factory.

Angie's my wife, and my mom's an evil woman, right?

Yeah, what's wrong with you?

Man, I had this weird dream.

That my mom was sweet and she took care of me.

That must have been great.

No, everything was backwards.

You had my job and we're married to Angie

I was?

You guys were kissing and everything.

Isn't that crazy?

Thanks for watching!

I've got to get home.

Hey, give me every freaking worm you have.

Vamos!

Better than Ernie, huh?

I told you, it was a Christmas party ten years ago.

He ambushed me under the mistletoe.

Let it go!

I love you, Angie.

I love you so much and the kids and everything.

I couldn't ask...

For a better life.

Mom!

What is going on?

You know what I just realized Angie that I had the guts to go after you and

the manager's job too.

All because my mom was so tough on me.

I just found a tiny diamond

in the pile of crap

that was my childhood!

What do you want?

You're going to Reno.

I knew you'd back down, you big wuss.

Thank you, Mom.

For what?

For saying things like that.

I'm anything but a wuss.

If you weren't so tough on me, I'd be the type of person who just sat back and let somebody destroy my clubs.

Instead...

I'm the type of person who breaks into their car.

and takes this.

That's my steering wheel

You'll get it back when I get back my golf clubs

And the new driver you're gonna buy me

How am I supposed to do that if I can't use my car?

I'm going to say the same thing to you that you said to me when I was eight.

And I stepped on that nail that went through my foot.

Not my problem!

I got your message.

How many worms did he eat?

I cut him off at five.

Dude, you know you're dancing?

Yeah, I know.

Well, do you know you're dancing alone?

Oh, I don't think so.

You'll have to dip me, Ernie.

I don't have any arms.

Okay, time to go home.

Follow the shining star.

We'll be right back.