Thieves in the Night (2023)

[bunniefuu]

(bells jingle)

(tense dramatic music)

[The Boss] Ah, bloody hell.

Hey, sweetheart, do you

know what we were saying?

They've buggered it up already.

It was supposed to be a simple little job.

I mean Christ knows

what they're gonna do next.

(siren wailing in the distance)

[Cody] It's f*cking freezing out here.

That was a good shot back there.

- That last guy's safe.

- Oh, cheers.

[Cody] Smashing stuff, girl.

And it did get Peter k*lled, but still.

[Sofie] Wait, what?

You think he's dead?

[Cody] Frankly, my dear.

Well, like he can give a f*ck.

[Sofie] Hey, what about this one?

[Cody] f*ck off. We are not

going into a house with dogs.

- Are you f*cking serious?

- Well it could be

a lovely little f*ck' c*ck

doodle poo, couldn't it?

But the trouble is, love,

it could be a lot f*cking bigger, too.

[Sofie] Oh, we don't have time for this.

[Cody] We won't be going

into a house with dogs, love.

(wind whistling)

[Ray] We've been out here long enough.

We're taking this one.

(rhythmic instrumental music)

(rhythmic instrumental music continues)

(rhythmic instrumental music continues)

(rhythmic instrumental music continues)

(soft upbeat jazz music)

[Mia] Will you help me?

I just want to finish this row, sweetie.

[Mia] Since when do you knit, anyway?

Knitting is proven to be very relaxing.

Ugh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know who I saw the other day?

That ginger kid you dated.

What was his name?

Uh, okay?

He looked good.

You still in contact you two?

Nope.

What happened to Aziz? He seemed funny.

(Mia sighs)

Where are you going with this, mum?

[Stella] What?

I haven't spoken to him in months, mum.

So how are things with Jamal?

What the sh*t? I knew it.

[Stella] I'm just asking.

Everything's fine, mum.

So, with Jamal, is it getting serious?

Yeah.

Super, duper ultra serious, with bells on.

Stop asking.

I don't know. I...

I don't know whether Jamal

is the right choice for you.

You know I had a boyfriend like him.

(Mia sighs)

- No sh*t, mum.

- I know his type.

His type?

You need someone secure in your life.

Someone that you can rely on.

Like that ginger kid.

Well, the lights are

up. Are you guys ready?

He still wants to do this?

- Are you coming or what?

- I guess so.

Bet you're gonna hide

under the blankets again.

(Stella laughs)

Ah, future birthday boy,

can we make this quick?

[Eli] Oh, future loser. No.

Okay, you're taking

this way too seriously.

Oh, you're such a slob.

- Coming up, you guys.

You better get ready.

[Mia] Anyway, what presents

do you think you're gonna get?

Well, Uncle Ben always

gives the best presents.

Is that right, son? I guess

we won't bother next year.

No, no, you can try,

as long as I get a proper

present for my birthday

and Christmas, I'm happy.

All right.

Whatever, I'll start counting.

[Stella] Good luck.

(soft acoustic music)

[Joseph] Can't hear you counting!

One,

two,

three...

(tense music)

Four...

[Joseph] Still can't hear you!

Five, six,

seven,

eight,

nine,

10. (Chuckles) Ready or not, here I come.

(tense acoustic music)

(footsteps thudding)

[Sofie] Nice.

(light clicks)

Cody, we haven't checked upstairs yet.

Oh.

Oh, oops.

Well why don't you go check it out, man?

[Cody] Why haven't you, mate?

[Stella] What are you doing?

Changing position, like a pro.

I'm going downstairs.

Okay, um, are you taking

this a bit too seriously?

It's because I'm a very serious man.

- Hush your f*ck' mouth.

- Oh, f*ck.

Where did...

Do you know what? Don't.

Uh, Ray?

[Joseph] Stella?

Yeah, find another place, you pro.

(Stella chuckles)

Don't freak out.

I'm serious.

There's someone in the house.

What? What do you mean?

[Joseph] They have Mia.

Call the police.

- I left my phone downstairs.

- Is she okay?

Yes, I think so.

I need to go down before

they realize anyone else is here.

No, we take a look them.

We'll fight them, too.

We need to do it together.

You know, we've been through enough sh*t

to last us a lifetime.

Let's try not to make things any worse.

And you, no more

bodies. You listenin' to me?

No more bodies.

[Joseph] Your mother and

I are gonna go downstairs

and get rid of them.

[Stella] You need to stay in here.

[Eli] Can I help?

[Joseph] You can help by staying in here

and remaining quiet.

(floorboard creaks)

Is there anyone else here?

Is there anyone else here?

That's just a precaution.

You play along, girlie,

and no one gets hurt,

do you understand me?

Sit down.

[Joseph] Mia.

In the kitchen.

(light clicks)

- Mia.

- Ah.

Come on in.

Come in.

Don't be shy.

Is there anyone else here?

Please. Just leave.

There's no money in the house.

(doors closing)

Come closer to me.

Come closer. You come closer to me.

(g*n clicks)

Come here.

Nobody's gonna get hurt.

You have my word on it.

That was very eloquently put, Raymond.

How about you two f*cking pussies

do what we say when we say it?

Or I'll take that lovely

little potato peeler

of yours over there

and I'll peel your

f*cking irritating face off.

(g*n c*ck) (Stella whimpers)

(Sofie laughs)

Would you look at that, Raymond.

I forgot to load the f*ck.

Cody, Cody, Cody.

There's no need for threats.

I'm sure they'll behave themselves.

How about we all go into the living room

like a happy family?

Ladies first.

Hurry up, we don't have

all whole bloody day.

Where are your shitty light switches?

Light switches.

(light clicks)

Oh, thank you. Come on, come on.

Make yourselves at home.

That's it, mi case is your

casa and all that. Lovely.

Great, well done.

(b*llet thuds)

[Cody] Oops.

Cody, check upstairs, just in case.

Cody, I'm talking to you.

Check upstairs just in case.

- All right, all right,

don't get your pretty

little knickers in a twist.

Thinks he's f*ck' Morgan Freeman,

the gall of this bald prick.

Phones.

Phone.

[Mia] That's mine.

Do I look like give a

sh*t whose phone it is?

Put it in the bowl.

Put it in the bowl.

Well, where's your

phone then, if it's hers?

It's on the table.

- Your phone, where is it?

- In my bag.

- Well, where's your bag?

- Next to the table.

Oh for f*ck, I've

just been there. (Sighs)

Two journeys.

I'll check the kitchen

for knives, just in case.

Yeah.

sh*t bag as well.

(Sofie sighs)

Oh look, you've got a message.

"Looking forward to seeing

you at Pizza Express on Monday."

Ah, lovely. Lovely, exciting life you lead.

Ah, better calm down.

(soft tense music)

(soft tense music continues)

(soft tense music continues)

(soft tense music continues)

(tense dramatic music)

Where's the kid?

Kid?

What kid?

There's a little boy's

bedroom up there, isn't there?

Where's the little fella hiding?

He's staying the night

at his grandparents.

[Sofie] Why?

Tomorrow is his birthday.

So?

They can't make it to the party tomorrow,

so he's celebrating with them tonight.

Aw, lovely.

What's his name?

Kevin.

Hm.

Call for him.

Kevin. (Tense music)

Kevin? (Tense music continues)

(Stella gasps)

[Joseph] Leave her alone!

Would you mind doing me a

f*ck' favor, please, Joseph,

and shutting your mouth?

You call him properly.

Kevin!

Tell our little Kevin

we want to have a chat.

Kevin, come down.

I wanna talk to you.

[Ray] Stella, sit back down.

Hurry up.

(tense dramatic music)

[Sofie] Call his phone.

He's 11. He doesn't have a phone.

I don't believe you.

Unlock it.

Unlock it.

I better find no Kevin.

[Joseph] You see that

present on the table?

His phone.

Okay.

(box rattling)

(paper ripping)

(box thuds)

Check the garage for something

we can tie them up with.

I beg your pardon?

Check the garage for

something to tie them up with.

Why don't you do it your damn self?

Because I'm busy holding the g*n.

Go.

Fine.

Yeah.

(clock ticking)

What do you want with us?

I want you to shut the f*ck up.

I have money. I can get more.

Just please, leave us alone.

Happy?

Now shut up.

(Cody whistles) What?

[Cody] Where's my cut?

Jesus, you want a cut of this?

[Cody] That's very generous

of you. Thanks very much.

Greedy twat.

Have it.

(tense music) (clock ticking)

So what's up with you, hot sauce?

What's up with me what?

It's just this pair of

crusty munters are white.

And you, well, some sort

of caramel, aren't you?

Nothing gets by you,

does it, Miss Marple?

- Leave Britney alone.

- My name's not Britney.

What's your name?

Mia.

Mama Mia.

(Cody inhales) (Cody exhales)

What's your story then, Mia?

She's not my daughter.

Leave her alone.

Shut your f*cking mouth, you c**t.

(Joseph gasps)

(Joseph coughing)

I'm sorry, pops.

Just sometimes you

really, he really winds me up.

- I know.

- You wind me up, mate.

I was talking to the lady.

Where are your f*cking manners?

Bit early for this little

number, isn't it, tinsel t*ts?

Oh, f*cking hell, put that back on, son.

Get that on there.

Jesus.

(Cody spits)

You cannot do anything

right, can you, Joseph?

Are you gonna be a problem for me, daddy?

No.

[Cody] Excellent answer, Josephine.

So Mia, this wonky eyed little snowflake

isn't your real daddy?

Yeah, I think we've established that.

All right, then. So

where's your real daddy?

Do you know who he is?

No.

Well I'm sorry to hear that, Mia.

Do you want me to

write you an autobiography

or are we good here? (Cody chuckles)

So how'd you come into all this, then?

Question is, is our little

Kevin an ethnic minority?

No, he's my son.

You married this toad,

even though she had a child?

f*ck' hell, when'd you find out?

First date? Second?

I knew.

How long have you two been together?

22 years. (Tense music)

How old did you say you are again?

(Mia sighs)

Yes, you are.

Nah.

Nah.

You took her back, didn't you?

Even though she cheated on you

with some other fella

and got herself up the duff.

Jesus Christ.

Joseph. (Tense music)

I mean, I get it.

She's hot, right? I'd sling one up her.

But still, for me personally,

once a cheating b*tch,

always a cheating b*tch.

- No offense love.

- Stop talking to them.

That's none of our business.

Yes, if I've got to spend

any more f*cking time

with these odd ba*ls,

then I want to know what's going on here.

So, toad, you didn't

have the old (whistles)

ab*rtion, evidently, so I'm willing to bet

it was fairly serious, am I right?

Tell me.

- What do you want?

- Come on, Stella, love.

We're all friends here, isn't we?

Why did you get back

with that f*ck' hermit?

Mum doesn't look like a f*cking hermit.

Mia.

Blackie found out

about the baby, didn't he?

So he ran a f*ck' mile

from this one. And you.

Hardly surprising.

So you, you went back to

the safe zone, didn't you?

Your bottom drawer is beginning

to make a lot more sense.

f*cking disgusting.

- That's enough.

- Interrupt me again, daddy,

and I'm really going to

enjoy f*cking hurting you.

I couldn't.

All right, what happened?

(Cody sighs)

It's been a little bit tense in here,

I'm not gonna lie, Raymond.

But I found out pretty interesting stuff

about our happy little family.

[Ray] Why?

Are you sure you looked properly?

Find that hard to believe.

I don't care what

you find hard to believe.

You got any gaffer tape?

We don't have any.

[Cody] Where do you

keep the ropes, Stella?

We just have to watch them carefully.

(cell phone ringing)

Hey Boss, good news.

We have found a place to hide.

[The Boss] Where?

[Ray] 144 Apollo Hill.

[The Boss] You do remember what happened

to the last guy who tried to nick from me?

And his wife?

Well, let me tell you

something, for starters,

I would never pull anything off.

I'm too professional for that.

Number two, I have to

work with these amateurs,

remember that.

- Oh, will you bloody shut up?

Have you got the money?

Yeah.

[The Boss] So it wasn't a total c*ck up.

Anyway, your driver

will pick you up at six.

- Let me talk to him.

- Sophie, not now.

Will you just cut, just

go on, do something else.

f*ck off.

Boss, what are we

going to do the whole night?

[The Boss] I don't care. Don't leave.

Well, Sof, I think we've got ourselves

a sleepover tonight.

Driver will pick us up in the morning.

Should we do it here then?

I beg your pardon?

We sh**t them.

Oh, and if you were

thinking more like die b*tch,

because I love that, I love that sh*t.

Listen to me, all right?

- He made it very, very clear.

- Yeah?

That none of these people

were to be harmed, okay?

It's that's simple.

But they know what we look like.

I don't give a sh*t.

He says that they were not

supposed to be harmed, yeah?

I really doubt that, but okay.

I don't care what you doubt.

You follow my order, girlie,

and you can't go wrong. Yeah?

(clock ticking)

That d*ck Ray has

been chatting sh*t about us

to our boss telling him we're

amateurs and unprofessional.

He's the f*ck unprofessional.

Listen up.

I am Ray.

This is Sophie and this is Cody.

We're staying the night.

If no one tries anything stupid,

I promise you, no one gets hurt.

And if you do,

I'll open your neck, like a

can of f*cking beans, huh?

But Joseph, it doesn't

have to come to that.

But if it's you or if it's us,

don't make the mistake of

thinking that I would even blink

before ending every single one of you.

But I don't want to

do that. Really, I don't.

We'll leave in the morning,

forget any of this ever happened.

And if you're good and I

mean really, really good,

we may even leave you

some money, how about that?

You'll be paying for

that, then, you doozy prick.

[Sofie] Yeah.

If anyone tries to run,

I swear to God, I'll end everyone else.

Take my car.

I won't report it missing. Please, take it.

Thanks but we know what we're doing.

One of you's little b*tches

is bound to call the cops

the moment we leave.

Yeah, you are.

So no, we won't be taking

your piece of sh*t Nissan Micra.

What you run thing on, anyway? Estrogen?

(Sofie laughs)

You'd never pay for any f*cking fuel again,

would you, Josephine?

(doorbell chimes)

Who the f*ck is that?

[Sofie] Police.

(door bell chiming)

It's all right.

No.

Unfortunately for you,

it's not the police. It's Ben.

He was in the SAS.

He could skin you all alive with a spoon.

(door bell chimes)

That might be hard

for him, might it, darlin',

with a f*ck' b*llet in his throat.

(Mia scoffs)

You're all f*cked.

You know if you were to leave now,

you could still make the back door.

Can't we just ignore him?

Ha, yeah, good luck with that.

(Sofie laughs sarcastically)

Well let's just say hello then.

[Joseph] No.

I beg your pardon?

(door bell chimes)

He's got nothing to do with this.

Now you listen and

you listen good, Joseph.

Get rid of him.

(doorbell chiming)

If he rings that doorbell

one more f*cking time, I swear.

Raymond, please. May

I just sh**t the f*ck?

I can get rid of him.

What are you going to say?

I have no idea.

Well, that's useful.

Okay, I have a plan.

And as regards to me, I'm

gonna go around the back

and clear the front, just in case.

You like going 'round back,

don't you, you dirty old b*stard?

Ugh, yuck.

Oh look, Stella's eyes

lit up, you kinky bugger.

Joseph, I'll be watching you.

Try something, try anything

and I will m*rder him

right in front of you.

No pressure, pops.

Okay, let's do this.

Oh, and Cody, for the love of God, relax.

(tense music)

Joey. (Laughs)

Sorry I'm late. I got

stuck in that roadblock.

Do you know what's going on?

I totally forgot to call you.

[Ben] Call me?

Why?

It's Mia. She's really sick.

Like she's throwing up. It's disgusting.

It's probably not the best

night for a family dinner.

Joey, do you really want

to put the tree up without me, hm?

I didn't think so.

[Joseph] It's probably

contagious. You better stay away.

We'll do this another night... Poppycock.

[Joseph] Yeah?

[Ben] Nonsense.

[Joseph] Ben.

Ben.

Ben, wait.

[Ben] Hey, everybody.

[Joseph] Please, don't get too close.

[Ben] Hey Mimi, what's this I hear

about you throwing up all over my brother?

Not as funny as it might sound.

[Ben] What's wrong?

Well this beautiful young lady

clearly has a viral infection.

f*cking nasty thing it is.

What you non-medically

trained folk might call the flu.

(Ben laughs)

And you are?

Well, I'm the neighbor, Cody.

Doctor Cody.

Right, then, Mimi, plenty

of rest and lots of fluids,

'cause we gotta flush

that sh*t out of there.

And remember, an apple a

day keeps the doctors away.

Oops, sh*t.

Stella, what's with

Is this the present for Kevin?

Yes. Yeah, for Kevin. (Laughs)

For the party tomorrow.

I can tell this is not the best time.

Catch up later in the week, huh?

Get better soon, kid.

[Sofie] I call bullshit.

What the f*ck? I was brilliant, Sof.

You weren't.

(tense dramatic music)

(clock ticking)

You got any drinks?

[Joseph] I can make us some coffee.

I wasn't asking for coffee, was I?

I was asking for drinks.

Something strong.

I have whiskey.

Sold.

Go on, then, f*ck off.

You shouldn't be drinking, Cody.

We've got a driver, haven't we?

She's right.

Who the f*ck put a coin in your slot?

You've gotta be the most

f*cking unlikable person

I've ever met.

- I'm having a glass, too.

- No you're not.

Do you know what

Stockholm syndrome is, Joseph?

It's a condition in which hostages feel

a psychological bond with their captors.

I was being rhetorical, mate.

Right. I'll grab the whiskey.

Does anyone want a glass?

- No.

- I'll have one.

Me, too.

[Joseph] Right.

You're a very difficult person to like,

aren't you, Stella?

(glasses clinking)

[Ray] Mm, fine stuff, squire.

Thank you.

Ben?

Cheers.

(clock ticking)

It's good, isn't it?

(cup thuds)

(clock ticking)

I need to go to the toilet.

[Sofie] Where is it?

Upstairs.

[Cody] I'll supervise her.

Why you?

Because I f*cking said so, that's why.

So you just shut the f*ck up.

Cody, just let the girls do it, aye?

No.

I said I'll take her

and take her I shall.

Are you serious?

[Cody] Jesus Christ. Not you, too.

This f*ck' family.

Come on, Mimi.

Ray, please.

Joseph, it'll be fine. It'll be fine.

One or two?

[Mia] One.

Boring.

Your man needs a glass.

And while you're at it, bring us a bottle.

Door stays open, cherub.

We'll leave in the morning.

No one will get hurt.

You have my word.

Do you need a little hand in there, Mimi?

[Mia] No, I'm all right. Thanks.

Frigid.

You'll be nice and

friendly now, Uncle Ben,

and I'll do my best... We'll.

I'll do my best to make sure Cody

doesn't do anything weird.

- Is that right?

- That is right.

- I've known people like you.

- Oh, I bet you have.

Bystanders.

Well here's a little story for you.

[Ray] Okay.

Back when I was in the forces in Kabul,

one of my fellow serviceman

took it upon himself

to interrogate a family of five.

It started as an interrogation

and ended with him

executing them one by one.

We all knew it was just a matter of time

before he did something stupid like that.

My commanding officer

refused to see the signs,

making him just as responsible in my eyes.

What do you think, Ray?

Hm, what do I think?

What do I think, Uncle Ben?

(Ray clapping)

You spit a good yarn, don't you?

I'm advising you, don't

make the same mistake.

Oh, I won't.

(cup thuds)

(tense music)

So, what are you all

doing here then, aye?

The less you know the better.

Oh. (Laughs)

You majorly f*cked

something up, didn't you?

Is that Sofie, huh?

She looks like a right amateur.

[Ray] You stop the

damn talking, will you?

Sure.

Okay.

But you know they're gonna put you away

for a long time for this.

If it was me, it'd be

a lot quicker, though.

Oh, yeah? What the

f*ck would that be then?

I would line you all up against the wall.

Be done away with you.

What kind of stupid name is Cody, anyway?

Did you make that one up yourself?

Coming from you,

some nasty, little

rosy cheeked ginger cardigan

f*cking wearing warlock?

Precious it is, darling. Precious.

Where'd you pick that

little thing up, Benny?

Off the back of some dead

bloke in a care home, I'd expect.

(Sofie chuckles)

I take it back, Raymond.

I've seen geezers close to death

that wouldn't have been seen

wearing that f*cking thing.

You mug. Have you ever

heard of a beige Ferrari?

Of course you f*ck' haven't.

The Italians probably banned the color.

A red dress, yeah, that's

a thing. A red hat, even.

Not f*cking beige, just

like your personality, mate.

Beige.

f*ck' Ronald Wesley c*ck sucking prick.

You can tell the two of you's are brothers.

The personality of a couple

of f*ck' boiled potatoes.

Stella's got more about her

than the two of you's put together,

and she's one unbearable

f*cking c**t at best.

You can hang your head down, love,

but it ain't gonna change.

f*cking irritating swine.

Is that it? Are you done?

- Is it my turn?

- Easy now, big man.

Be careful.

He'll bite your d*ck

off if you're not good.

(teeth chomping)

Damn straight.

This little terrier? (Scoffs)

Joseph.

Are we expecting any other

surprise visitors this evening?

'Cause I'll pre-f*ck'

warn you, I won't be happy.

(cell phone ringing)

(Ben exhales)

f*cking beige.

[The Boss] How are things?

Well, the uncle's a bit confrontational,

but nothing to worry about.

[The Boss] Hang on. What uncle?

The uncle from the family in the house.

[The Boss] What, what,

what? The family uncle?

What are you on about?

You're not supposed to be

holding a bloody party, Ray.

What are you, some kind of ret*rd?

(tense music)

What did he say?

They're sending Mike.

It's fine.

We got the money.

Don't worry about it.

(tense music continues)

(clock ticking)

Well this is f*cking boring, isn't it?

You got any board games

or cards or something?

It's been f*cking years since

I played cards with granny.

Lovely little lady, she was. Heart of gold.

My guardian angel, she was.

Died long before her time,

Ray. Long before her time.

It was a long and horrible death, Joseph.

Long and horrible. Wouldn't

wish it upon my worst enemy.

In the end, she would just...

(clears throat) sh*t herself.

Spend hours just sh1tting herself.

In the end she would

just sit there in her sh*t.

She would sleep in her sh*t,

eat in her sh*t,

sh*t in her sh*t.

(clock ticking)

She was a very religious woman, Ray.

She was a God-fearing woman.

Never missed a Sunday.

In the last year, we took

her to midnight mass.

She sh*t herself during the

chorus of "Joy to the World."

I'll always remember

that final look in her eyes,

'cause she died with her eyes open.

f*ck' knew she was looking at me

directly in my f*cking eyes

and she was looking at me

as if to say, "I know this is it."

This is how I'm gonna die.

"I'm gonna die covered in my own sh*t."

f*ck' tragedy.

Am I talking to my f*cking self?

We could... What not now, Joseph?

I think we have a chess

board around here somewhere.

Board games are more suited for kids.

Jesus f*cking Christ.

I'll take her cheek 'cause

she's cute and curvaceous,

but not from you.

I'll see you in my f*cking nightmares

for years to f*cking come.

And by the way, chess is a two-player game,

and in case you hadn't realized,

there's more than f*cking two of us here.

Oh, calm down, dickhead.

I've got some ball games upstairs.

Mia.

Yeah. Yeah, that's good idea.

Let's go upstairs and play a game.

I've got a little game we

can play in mind of my own.

(Cody exhales)

(cup thuds)

Come on, Mimi.

I'll go with you.

- Sit down.

- It's fine.

See, it's okay.

You're a very unlikable person, aren't you?

[Joseph] I could show you.

I could show you where they are.

[Mia] I'm actually looking forward

to playing a little game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me, too.

(tense music)

Oi.

What's all that about downstairs?

What, you like me, love?

What are you calling

me a dickhead for, aye?

Well, you weren't exactly

being a gentleman, so.

Yeah, look, I know. I'm sorry about that.

It's been a long day, ain't it?

Look, we'll be gone in a couple of hours,

just kind of hoping you and I

might get to know each

other a little bit better first,

- if you know what I mean?

- Mm-hm.

Mm, I mean, you know, if you leave now,

we might be able to at some point.

Yeah, you know that's not possible, Mimi.

Where are these f*cking games, anyway?

You haven't brought me

up here for no reason?

[Mia] No. (Chuckles)

You don't waste any time do you, Mimi?

(Mia laughs)

[Mia] So you know that Sofie,

why do you let her boss you around?

Do you fancy her or something?

[Cody] Mimi, I am a professional.

What are you trying to insinuate?

No, I just, I'm trying to insinuate

that you should take your clothes off now.

[Mia] Now you're f*cking talking.

(Mia chuckles)

Are you getting your kit off as well, Mimi?

Yeah, yeah, just uh...

Come on, take it off.

[Ray] Cody, get down here!

(Cody sighs)

[Cody] I'm sorry about

this, Mimi. f*cking c*ck block.

(Mia chuckles)

Yeah, why don't you just

put your clothes back on

and we'll do this another time.

Ray, you're a f*cking c*ck block.

Oh, f*cking hell.

What is this?

[Mia] Yeah, this is fun.

(clock ticking)

Oh, come on. Come and join in.

- It'll be fun.

- No, I'm a professional.

Got a busy evening staring out the window

ahead of you, have you?

[Cody] Yeah.

Listen, Petal, give me

that attitude one more time

and I'll make you regret it.

I, I haven't had a chance

to tell you about my holiday, have I?

[Stella] Yeah. How was Switzerland?

Switzerland, Stella, by

contrast, was quite lovely.

Jerry and I had a wonderful time.

And...

How was Jerry?

Oh, Jerry loved the fondue.

And the chocolate. Mm.

Something else.

Joseph, I'd like

another bottle of whiskey.

[Sofie] I think you've had enough.

I've had enough when I

have said I've had enough.

Well, look at that.

What a stupid game.

Sore loser, eh?

Shut your mouth.

Oh, Raymundo, no need to be angry.

You have a lovely big

bag of money through there.

- That's true.

- Uncle Ben...

Go back to Switzerland.

It's about as boring as

your f*cking beige cardigan.

"Boring."

Ray, are you sure you want

to keep playing this game, buddy?

Uncle Ben, I intend to win.

Only if I let you.

[Ray] Shut your mouth.

Can I at least finish telling

my story in the meantime?

(Ray sighs)

If you must.

One of the fascinating

things about Switzerland

is the Swiss army knife.

Almost everybody has one,

certainly every household.

Even the astronauts take one up into space.

But you know what they're really proud of?

MacGyver.

[Mia] Who's that?

It was a show in the

80's, '85 to be precise,

made by the incredible director Stephen...

It certainly was, Joseph. Yes.

[Mia] I win.

Well done, Mia.

Anyway, he was a guy

who had to construct things

out of everyday household objects.

Bombs and all kinds

of contraptions, and he

Wait, so they made a

show about t*rrorists?

No, Mia, not exactly.

I mean, he was the hero of the piece.

I can't actually remember

what his day job was, but he

He was a secret agent

and former b*mb technician.

Yes, yes, maybe he

was. Thank you, Joseph.

Maybe he was.

But the point is, he always

had to construct something

in order to escape and he used, Joseph?

A Swiss army knife.

(clock ticking)

What a story.

(dice thuds)

Like I said, sore loser, mate.

(cell phone buzzing)

Who the f*ck is Jamal?

Come on, Stella. We've been

on this roller coaster already.

f*ck' hell, you must be

like a sausage down a corridor down there.

You've gotta be kiddin' me.

I bet you've both had a go

on the poor fellow, ain't ya?

Filthy, the pair of ya.

(cell phone buzzes)

You've gotta be kidding me.

Mimi, you come with me.

You just f*cking sit down.

I do not need another excuse to sh**t you.

I hope you are not used

and abused like your mother.

Mimi, I am very upset with you.

Why? What have I done now?

We'll talk about that later.

Now go and f*cking get rid of him.

Mimi, it's crucial he

doesn't come back, Mimi.

If I don't buy it, I'll just

f*ck' sh**t him anyway.

No, I'll make him leave.

Yes, you f*cking will.

Now go on and f*ck off. Open the door.

Jamal, hi.

I'm sorry, I actually forgot

about our plans tonight.

I'm really tired, so.

Oh, that's cool. We can,

we can just, you know

No, look, I didn't answer

your messages for a reason.

Can't you take a hint?

What you even doing here?

What? What do you mean?

Ugh, I just, I can't do this anymore.

You can't do, you can't do what?

Us, I can't, I don't want this anymore.

- Why?

- I just

[Jamal] Where is this coming from?

I don't have the same

feelings I had before

and to be honest, I think

my mum was right when she,

you know, you're not very funny.

I mean, okay.

I guess I'll give you this and

No, he doesn't want

your stupid f*cking present.

Just go.

Come on. Can we just, can

we just go in and talk about it?

No, we can't.

Look, I've got a new boyfriend actually,

and I'm in love with him, so.

Who?

Oh my God. It doesn't matter who.

He doesn't have a small

d*ck, actually, and you know,

I'm tired of pretending

to be happy with you

and faking orgasms

so just, just leave, okay?

But I really hope that

we can still be friends.

(Jamal sobbing)

[Cody] I told you to get rid of him,

not crush his soul into f*cking oblivion.

f*ck off.

(Mia sniffles)

That was f*cking brilliant.

(clock ticking)

(cell phone ringing)

I'm not murdering these

people. It's under control.

[The Boss] I thought

you could handle this.

Maybe I should talk to Sofie.

No, don't talk to that girl.

She's a bossy little b*tch.

[The Boss] Think about

your wife, your daughter.

Right, Boss, I respect you to the max,

but don't threaten my family.

[The Boss] I think I just

did. Do what needs to be done.

(clock ticking)

(cell phone buzzing)

[Sofie] It's Jerry.

He worries.

A lot.

I was supposed to be home hours ago.

Look, why don't you

just let me call him, hm?

You're not calling anyone.

He might come over here, check up on me.

It's the kind of thing he would do,

and I think we can all agree

the last thing any of us want

is another member of

my family in this house.

[Cody] What if he gives

him some sort of sign?

He won't, because if he does,

I will sh**t his niece

right in the kneecaps.

Sit down.

(cell phone buzzing)

Okay.

Oh.

I've got it.

We'll send him a text.

You know what, Sof?

That's f*cking brilliant.

Yeah.

Send it from the other phone.

Yeah, clever.

What should we write?

Unlock it.

Today.

He's had too much to drink

and he's gonna sleep it off on the couch

because he's a lightweight. (Ben laughs)

Pair of geniuses.

[Cody] Yeah, that'll work.

You got it?

Quick. Give it to me.

Oi, what are you chatting?

Nothing, sweetheart. (Chuckles)

[Sofie] Doesn't sound like nothing.

Listen, cupcake. You

really need to take a chill pill.

Do not call me cupcake, you dumb f*ck.

Why don't you go get the boss man, huh?

We've got man things to talk about.

[Sofie] Sit the f*ck down.

[Cody] Sit down or we'll leave

your nuts on the carpet, son.

[Ray] What the hell is going up in here?

[Sofie] I caught them whispering.

You caught them whispering? So?

[Sofie] Well they're

not allowed to do that.

They're not allowed?

Sofie, in case you've

forgotten, we have g*ns.

They can chitchat as much

as they want. We're in charge.

I'm in charge. '

You've been drinking and

playing games all night.

[Cody] Is Jerry happy?

Jerry? Who?

What, what happened?

Ugh, we had a problem

and we solved it perfectly well

without your interference.

You've been way too soft on these Muppets.

Sofie, lower the g*n.

All you do is chat sh*t all day.

We've got chicken run here

planning the great escape

and you've got no bloody idea.

You're an idiot. (Ray sighs)

Look Sofie, they didn't plan sh*t.

Just put the g*n down.

- You're not the boss here.

- And neither are you.

[Cody] Neither of you are's, actually.

Look, we'll separate the family.

We'll put the parents in the kitchen.

Shut up, or you'll be the first to go.

[Cody] For f*ck's sake,

sense the room, Stella.

Oh, Sofie, put the g*n down.

Don't you dare tell me what to do.

We have had an eventful evening.

You're tired.

I'm not.

Well I am. Lower your g*n.

Stop ordering me a around.

(hit thuds) (Sofie grunts)

(g*n thuds)

You f*ck!

Now, this is a one way conversation.

I'm in charge because

you are too incompetent.

Don't look at me like that.

There's no need for that.

I had to hit you. You

weren't thinking straight.

You and I are on the same

team, don't you forget it.

You two, go with her.

What are you slapping

everyone for, eh, Ray?

I'm going for a smoke.

Move.

Move!

I don't wanna hear a single word from you.

Dickhead.

Have you got any food in this house?

Where's your fridge?

Oh.

Have you got any actual food?

In the oven.

Huh.

(door thuds)

(animals vocalizing)

What the f*ck is this sh*t?

Where are your bowls?

Sorry?

Are you as stupid as you look?

I asked where the bowls are.

Cupboard on the left.

[Sofie] I'll put you in

the cupboard on the left.

Stupid...

(bowl thuds)

(microwave door closes)

(buttons beeping)

(flesh squelching) (Sofie screaming)

Ray!

Ray!

Ray, Ray!

Ray!

[Cody] What's going on here?

(Sofie sobbing)

(g*n c*ck)

(microwave beeps) (g*n fires)

(Sofie sobbing)

Aye, get back!

(Sofie sobbing)

Go on!

Go on, get back!

Cody!

Cody!

Cody.

- Cody!

- Get Ray.

[Ray] Go.

[Cody] Sit your a*s down.

sh*t.

(Sofie sobbing)

Shut your mouth.

(Sofie yells)

I'm sorry. (Knife shucking)

Cody.

Get her g*n.

(Cody coughs)

[Cody] Oh f*cking hell.

You gave them the knife.

Sit down.

Sit down!

I'm warning you, uncle. Sit down.

Now when I said don't try anything stupid,

that is exactly what I meant.

Now because of your f*ck,

my partner and her

husband are now dead now.

Now Uncle Ben, I warn you,

I don't want any more bodies

or I swear to God, your niece

gets it in the f*cking neck.

You understand me?

In the neck.

All right, all right, now

you're understanding

where I'm coming from.

(Ray sighs)

I'm going for a cigarette.

(clock ticking)

(Cody tsking)

Get in your room and stay in.

(Ray sighs)

(soft tense acoustic music)

Look, I need to think.

[Cody] We're f*cking

f*cked if you don't clean up,

so think about that.

[Ray] I'm completely innocent.

Yeah, yeah, I know it is a tragedy.

Better than us, yeah?

You know what we have to do, Ray Ray.

The father's dead.

No money in the world is

gonna keep 'em quiet now

and I wouldn't f*cking

give it to 'em anyway.

I need to think.

We are the baddies.

You gotta start f*cking acting like it,

otherwise you are gonna

leave one big old mess in there.

I am not a k*ller.

That's f*cking rich.

Have you seen the state of Sofie in there?

Aye. Aye, aye, aye,

aye, that was a mercy k*ll.

Well, that was very merciful of you.

Would you have taken her to the hospital?

No, I probably would not have mate.

But doing what you did to her in there,

that was a, that was

a different thing, mate.

She'd be screaming all night.

How about we get rid of Uncle f*cking Ben

or whatever his stupid name is

and you can get rid

of that irritating slag.

In fact, I'll do it.

I'll get rid of that

irritating slag of a mother

and then I'll find something

to occupy Mia's time.

Cody, we're not taking any hostages.

I'll come up with a solution.

Try not to k*ll anybody

while I'm gone, aye?

(soft tense acoustic music)

f*cking c*ck block.

(Cody exhales)

(soft tense acoustic music continues)

He put her down like an animal.

You think it'd be any

different if it was you?

Not bad.

Mia. (Burps)

Should we go outside, lovey?

Move.

(tense acoustic music)

What?

Seeing as we'll be

leaving soon, won't we,

well we won't see each other again.

I could ask Ray to, you

know, stay in the living room

and well we could go upstairs, couldn't we?

(Mia scoffs)

You really are a psychotic

f*cking moron, aren't you?

Is this some kind of joke or

are you actually that stupid?

(Mia sighs)

You're just like your lying,

piece of sh*t mother, aren't you?

What was all that about upstairs?

Let go.

You're hurting me.

- Are you gonna play nicely?

(Mia gasps)

(Mia breathing heavily)

Oi, wait.

Wait. (Slap thuds)

You m*rder*d my dad.

Go f*ck yourself.

Stepdad.

(tense acoustic music continues)

You are pathetic.

[Cody] You are ginger.

sh*t.

Oi! Hey, stop!

Come here.

Come here. Stop.

(tense acoustic music continues)

(Ray murmuring)

[Cody] You said he was

at his f*cking grandparents.

- No.

- You f*cking liar.

(Stella yells)

Cody, there's no need... f*ck off.

[Ben] Cody, will you just relax?

Just take a seat and

have a drink or something.

Now move in there and f*ck off.

You don't need to do this. (Stella yells)

Just sit down, we can all have a drink.

Please, Cody. Cody.

Mummy!

[Stella] Eli!

Mummy!

- Merry Christmas.

- Eli

(g*nsh*t fires)

(tense acoustic music)

[Ray] So what? You're

straight up executing people now?

[Cody] You know, why

don't you sit down, mate?

I'm just clearing the scene.

[Ray] You would've k*lled that kid

in order to clear the scene, wouldn't you?

[Cody] Don't have to like

it, but I'll do it if you can't.

[Ray] You do realize that kiddie K*llers

don't well in jail, don't you?

[Cody] Ray, we're f*cked

if we don't sort this out.

(cell phone ringing)

We're not done. I promise.

We are not done.

Yeah?

[The Boss] Is it done?

No.

[The Boss] Ray, you're a w*nk*r.

Put Sofie on the phone.

Sofie's...

Well, Boss, the truth is Sofie's dead.

[The Boss] Let me talk to Cody.

All right.

(The Boss chattering indistinctly)

Yeah, the father attacked Sofie, didn't he?

She got wounded pretty badly.

She started screaming, we

couldn't take her to hospital,

so yeah, Ray split her throat

open with a Swiss army knife.

Saw the whole thing. f*cking disgusting.

(The Boss chattering indistinctly)

Yeah, it's still under

control. I've got it, obviously.

Ray Ray disagrees.

(The Boss chattering indistinctly)

Good.

Well, what did he say?

He said...

"Tell Ray to stop being such

a f*cking p*ssy all his life."

These people were dead

the moment we walked in.

But we don't even know

what we're gonna do yet, do we?

Yeah, we do.

Boss has put me in charge.

f*ck the Boss.

No, Ray. Not f*ck the Boss, f*ck you.

All right, listen, this is

what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna take that lovely

little thing Mimi upstairs

whilst you sort out these other f*ck.

You're not doing it.

We're not doing this.

Move out of my way, grandpa.

Oh, fine.

Mimi, Ray says you gotta die.

(hit thuds)

(Ray grunts) (hit thuds)

(Ben grunts)

Don't move.

(hit thuds) (Cody grunts)

Don't move.

(Cody grunts)

[Cody] Oh, f*ck.

Sit down.

Sit down!

You, grab that chair.

Bring it over here.

Now.

(clock ticking)

Mia, where's the gaffer tape?

Wow, f*cking hell, Morpheus...

I don't think we have any.

You didn't see that coming, did ya?

I've never taken a

hostage before, you idiot.

- You're a f*cking tool, mate.

- Shut up.

Both of you shut up.

Mia, give me the g*n.

Tie him up.

Tie his hands behind the

chair. Hands behind the chair.

(clock ticking)

Good job you're doing down there, Mimi.

Stand up.

Stand up.

Turn around.

Hands behind your back.

Tie his hands, Mimi.

[Mia] We need one for his legs.

No. This one is coming with me.

[Mia] So, should we call the police?

Not yet.

A couple of months in prison

is not enough for these two.

After what they've done,

we need to give them a

taste of their own medicine.

[Mia] You sure about that?

Mimi, don't listen to this yeti

Shut up.

f*cking hell, all right.

Half an hour. Half an

hour to give 'em justice.

And we'll take Eli and

we'll get out of here.

When this Mike turns up,

then we'll call the police.

Eli.

When the police come, you have to tell them

you stayed in your room all night.

You didn't see any of this.

You never met this pair,

otherwise we are all in big trouble.

[Ray] That won't work, Uncle

You shut your hole.

Eli, you've been such

a brave soldier so far.

You just need to stay strong

for a little bit longer, yeah?

Need to show this pair

that they can't treat

good people like this.

Mimi.

What are you doing this for, hm?

You and your brother?

(hit thuds)

(Cody groans)

Simmer down, you big ginger freak, that

[Mia] He's got a knife.

You f*cking grass.

It's the other pocket, Einstein.

Ah, f*ck.

Now, in all fairness, Uncle

Ben, that one belonged to Sofie.

You keep that pointed at this one.

I don't want either of you

to see what's gonna happen to this one.

I'll be back soon enough.

You, kitchen.

Mia, look...

I really, really...

Need the toilet.

So are you gonna untie me?

Or are we gonna do it like mother?

(hit thuds) (chair scrapes)

Hands behind the chair.

Sit down.

If you're gonna execute me, go ahead.

Today you made two orphans.

You little f*cking wh*re.

I'm gonna k*ll you

and the last thing you

see is gonna be my face.

You understand? Now f*ck off.

It wasn't my fault. I

tried to save your family.

Look at him. (Ray panting)

Look at him!

Go upstairs.

(Cody grunts)

Then watch your cartoon,

put your headphones on

and whatever you hear,

you do not turn around,

do you understand?

You promise?

(Mia sighs)

[Ray] Ben, please. Please, Ben.

Ben, Ben.

I told you what would happen.

I told you what I did it Kabul

and you still didn't listen,

and look, here we are now.

Look, man, you gave Joseph the knife.

Oh, don't you dare try and

blame anyone but yourself.

I'm beginning to get

very impatient, Mimi.

So I'm going to give

you a chance to untie me

and let me f*cking go.

If you don't,

I'm going to smash your f*cking head in

until you bleed out, do you understand?

Let me f*cking go!

[Ray] You're gonna be

a k*ller now, are you, Ben?

(Ray panting)

I always have been.

(Ray panting)

Ben, please.

Please, Ben.

Look, think about Jerry.

Look, what about the

child in the other room?

The money.

The money. I will split the money.

Think about your

(hit thuds) (Ben grunts)

Mimi, I'm sorry, look.

It's been a long day

and I'm letting my temper

get the better of me.

Look, let me go and

forget any of this happened.

Mimi, let me go.

You destroyed my entire family

and you still wanted to take me upstairs,

you sick little f*ck.

Ben.

Ben, Ben, don't do this, please.

Ben.

f*cking go, you useless f*cking orphan.

(flesh squelching) (Cody grunts)

[Ray] Don't, you're not a k*ller, Ben.

Ben.

I'm not so fine now, am I, Ray?

(tense dramatic music)

[Eli] Don't.

I told you not to turn around.

Mia, please.

He m*rder*d mum and dad.

[Eli] Please don't.

Get out.

Leave, now.

(g*n clicks)

(Ray and Ben grunting in the distance)

(tense dramatic music)

(g*n thuds)

(gentle acoustic music)

You stay here.

I'm gonna go check on Uncle Ben, okay?

(gentle acoustic music continues)

(g*n fires)

[Eli] No.

(Eli sobbing)

(gentle acoustic music continues)

I'm sorry, kid.

(bells jingling)

(gentle acoustic music continues)

(cell phone ringing)

Yeah?

[The Boss] Cody?

It's Ray.

Cody didn't make it.

[The Boss] How's the family?

(Ray sighs)

[Ray] It's handled.

Go back inside and finish the job.

What the f*ck are you talking about?

I can't pick you up

if there are witnesses.

Look, I will not m*rder a child.

May have seen you.

So go back inside and

finish what you started.

It's simple, right?

It's you or the kid.

But hurry up.

I'm nearly there.

(gentle acoustic music)

[Ray] Kid.

(g*nsh*t fires) (Ray grunts)

(gentle acoustic music continues)

(car approaching)

(Ray groaning)

(car door opens)

(tense acoustic music)

You f*cked up, mate.

[Ray] No.

Don't.

Don't touch the shoes.

(tense acoustic music continues)

See you, mate.

(Ray breathing unevenly)

(car starts up)

(gentle acoustic music)

(blues rock music)

Waiting on a hurricane

Waiting on a star to fall

Waiting on a tidal wave

Waiting on a angel's call

Give me a one way ticket

to a better day and I'm gone

Give me a one way ticket

to a better day and I'm gone

Walking on these streets so cold

Walking on these streets of shame

Walking on these streets of blood

Walking on these streets of game

Give me a one way ticket

to a better day and I'm gone

Give me a one way ticket

to a better day and I'm gone

Whoa whoa oh oh

When the writing's on the wall

Doesn't mean you have it all

There are reasons you can't find

For the lies you left behind

Tears, I'll let them ring aloud

Like a singer in the crowd

You can run but never hide

From a stranger in the night

From a stranger in the night

(rock music)

When the writing's on the wall

Doesn't mean you have it all

You could run but never hide

From a stranger in the night

From a stranger in the night

(rock music continues)

(Cody grunts)

Oh.

Jesus Christ.

(Cody groans)

(Cody sniffs)

(Cody sighs)

Just like granny.

(Cody laughing)

(g*n c*ck)

(upbeat pop rock music)

(saxophone music) (soft acoustic music)

[The Boss] Well, they were

all a bunch of tossers, anyway.