06x05 - Sabes g*y, It's George's Fantasy Episode

[bunniefuu]

Hey, obie,
I'll take a beer.

Hey, you okay?

I've been better.

Man, I can't believe the boss
embarrassed you like that

in front of everybody.
I don't want
to talk about it.

Hey, say no more.
Ooh, it's almost showtime.

Can I have a beer,
please?

Hey, Veronica.

All right, I'm gonna
stop you right there.

This is the last time
I'm gonna tell you, Ernie.

I am not going out
with you.

I'm not attracted to you.
Get over me.

Chale,
I'm not here for you.

I'm here to meet a blind date,
conceited.

George,
that's why I'm wearing

my lucky jacket
from high school.

órale, rhythm nation.
What's with the shoulder pads?

Did Janet Jackson
have a garage sale?

No,
I'm wearing this jacket

because it makes
my shoulders look good.

See,
we met on the Internet,

and I might have
exaggerated my build.

Internet things
never work out if you lie.

That's why I always try
to undersell myself.

How?

Hey, George, keep an eye out
for a bombshell.

She's carrying a flower,
just like me.

Oh, Ernie,

someone stole
your bombshell's flower

and--and gave it
to that big chick.

I think
she looks nice.

That's the right attitude.
She's in your league.

This is your shot, Ernie.
Step up to the plate.

Before
she licks it clean.

Mom.

Hi, Helen.

It's me, Ernie.

Oh, I'm not Helen.

Sure you are.
We got matching roses.

No, I'm holding this
for Helen.

She's in the bathroom.
I'll get her for you.

No, look.

I know I'm not exactly
what you expected,

but I meant everything I said
in those e-mails.

I'm looking
for a soul mate.

My heart's an open book,

and you can read it
if you like.

That is so sweet.

Helen's gonna love
to hear that

when she comes out
of the bathroom.

Look, there she is.

Hey!

God,
I don't believe this.

If you really
want to catch her,

you probably still can.

George,
what am I doing wrong?

Well, for starters,

you gotta stop
with the "soul mate" crap.

Sometimes a gal just wants
a man to be a man.

She wants a pair
of big, strong arms

to wrap around her

and sweep her
off her feet.

Okay, what the hell?

Let's go back
to my place, Gina.

Oh, oh, no, god, no.

No, I wasn't
talking about me.

Why not?

Dude, the cobra
doesn't want to bite you.

Walk away.

No, Gina, I want to know.

Why are you
turning me down?

You're not my type.

I'm a man,
and I have a pulse.

Well, I guess that means
that I have standards.

I'm as surprised
as you are.

Ernie.

I don't want
to talk about it.

Mescal, obie.
Keep it coming.

Angie.

Date night?

Of course I didn't forget
that was tonight.

I treasure our "us time."

Look, I had a horrible day.

I'm--I'm still stuck at work
with Ernie.

Why can't I find a woman
to love me?

Ernie, stop yelling that
into the ladies' room.

That's sexual harassment.

I'll see you soon, baby.

I have to go. You gonna
be okay here by yourself?

Why not?
I'm used to being by myself.

I might as well face the fact
that I'm probably gonna

be by myself
for the rest of my life.

I'm gonna die
in my apartment, alone.
Okay, dude, take it easy.

I'm so sorry I had
to work through date night.

I can't believe
I missed my chance

to go out with someone
who looks as amazing as you do.

You think it's okay
to just leave me here

so you can go out
drinking with the guys?

And we're off.

Look, I told you
I had to work.

I called the factory first.
They said you went to thirsty's.

Maybe I told them
to tell you that

because I was out buying
you a gift for our date night.

Yeah? Where is it?

Uh, it's on back order.
It'll be here in a week.

George, how could you forget
about our date night?

Because I had
a horrible day at work.

Jack humiliated me in front
of all the other workers.

Angie, I just wanted
to get a beer

and forget about it,
okay?

What did he do?
I don't want
to talk about it.

Why not?
Because I don't.

When I have a bad day,

I can't wait to come home
and share everything with you.

I know. That's why--

you know what you need?
You need a girlfriend.

What happened to that nice lady
from the church

that you were
hanging out with?

She had a nervous breakdown.
She's in a mental hospital.

Really? I'm sure
it had nothing to do with you.

George,
we need date night

so we can communicate
with each other.

If you don't talk
about your problems,

how can you really
deal with them?

You can't just
keep stuff inside.

Yes, I can,
because that's the Lopez way.

We Bury things
so deep inside,

you don't know
where they went...

Until one day
your wife gets you a massage

for your birthday,

the lady squeezes your foot,
and you just start crying.

You said she hit a bone spur
and it really hurt you.

You limped for two weeks.
Did you fake that?

I don't know.
What do you think?

Ay.

I can't believe you did that.

Angie, because if I tell you,
you just won't let it go.

I'm just trying to help you.
Look,
I don't need help, okay?

I don't want to have to
open up if I don't want to.

Where are you going?
I'm going to thirsty's.

Oh, no, you're not.

This isn't about
what happened at work anymore.

This is about
our relationship

and whether we have the intimacy
to share our feelings,

or whether you take a big step
backward in our marriage

and go have a beer.

My vows were to love,
honor and Cherish you.

I don't have
to tell you nothing.

George!

Don't you
walk out that door.

You are gonna stay,
and we're gonna talk.
Why, so you can
break my mind

like that nice church lady
you destroyed?

I don't think so.

* all my friends

* know the low rider

**

Save some of that for me.

Hey, what's the matter?

Angie and I had a fight.

Why do women have to talk
everything to death?

Well, I decided
I'm giving up on women.

You know,
sometimes I think

my life would be easier
if I was g*y.

Yeah.

No talking, no cuddling--

just do your business
and turn on sportscenter.

You think that's how
g*y guys do it?

That's how I'd do it,
man.

Dude,
you just drank the worm.

The last time you did that
you hallucinated.

I don't care.

Maybe I want to hallucinate,

go to the realms of my mind...

Where I'm not married
to a woman

who's got to talk
about everything.

Anything happening?

No.

Well, just let me know
if you start feeling weird.

Okay.

Were you wearing that
when I came in here?

George.

George.

George.

George, George, George,
wake up.

You're missing a great game.
S.C. Is about to score.

Sorry, man.
I must have dozed off.

Yeah, hey, dude,
hand me that "TV guide."

I want to see who's playing
in the next game.

What'd you do that for?
They didn't score.

I know.

Here, guys. Try these.

Mmm.

They're pretty good.

Yeah,
these are fabulous.

Finally.

You two are the toughest
customers I've ever had.

Well, we just want everything to
be perfect for our special day.

I mean, we're only
getting married once.

Right, baby?

Hey, man, stop it.

Oh, somebody
call snow white,

because grumpy's
on my couch.

What's going on, man?

What are you talking about,
getting married?

He's always a little loopy
when he gets up from a nap.

If you back out
of our wedding now,

I'm gonna keep the engagement
ring you got me.

Engagement ring? What?

Don't be modest.
It's beautiful.

Mira.

I am so glad
you love it.

Mm.

I helped George
pick it out.

It looked good on my finger,
too.

Why can't I
get a man?

So this is real?

This is my life?

We're actually engaged,
and we're getting married?

Yeah, and when we're married,
it's gonna be great

because it's gonna
be like this every day.

¿sabes qu� Football,
beer and best buds.

I guess I could
get used to that.

That's my man.

But that's gonna
take some time.

George,
I'm glad you're here.

I have to measure you
for your tux.

Oh, I know his inseam, but maybe
I better double-check it.

Not now, man.
I'm not in the mood.

Well, Mark the day.

I can't always
be in the mood.

I tell you what.

We'll double up
tomorrow night.

Okay.

Look, uh,
let's get you measured, mm?

Can we do it later?
I had a bad day at work.

What happened?
I don't want
to talk about it.

Well, let's just
watch the game then.

Usually, I feel better
if I talk things out.

Talking doesn't make us
feel better, okay?

Watching sports does.

That's
the cardenas-Lopez way.

Lopez-cardenas?

Let's go, baby.

Oh. Man. He's gonna
go all the way. Go!

Go! Go!

Yes. Touchdown!

Dude, they scored.
What's the matter with you?

What happened at work
is still bothering me.

Forget about it.
That's why we watch the game.

I can't believe Jack
humiliated me

in front
of all the workers like that.

Oh, look at that trainer
rubbing Tom Brady's thigh.

I should have never dropped out
of massage school.

Did you hear
a word I said?

Hush. I want to see this.

Don't hush me.
If I want to talk, I'll talk.

At least save it
until halftime.

Yeah, right.

Like you'll be able to listen
when you see Troy aikman

drawing xs and os
on the screen.

You know, those aren't
hugs and kisses for you.

Well, there's a TV
in the bedroom.

Maybe I should go up there
and watch the game.

Maybe you should because
nothing else is happening

in that bedroom tonight.

You want to do
that measurement now?

Yeah, let's just
get it over with.

Okay.

So what actually happened
at work?

You don't want to hear.

Sure, I do.

I ordered too many parts
because of my dyslexia.

Well, that sounds like
an honest mistake.

No, the boss made me
redo the numbers

in front of all the workers,

and I felt like an idiot
all over again.
What do you mean
"all over again"?

Did someone else
make you feel like an idiot?

Well, in third grade,
Mrs. Halstead did,

but this
is totally different.

What did she do?

I got a problem wrong
in math class,

and she made me get up
and redo the numbers

in front of
all the other workers.

I mean classmates.

Oh, my god. Breakthrough.

I bet what happened at work
affected you so much

because it made you
relive a childhood trauma.

You know what?
You're right.

You just had to talk it through
with someone.

Yeah, well, Ernie
never would've taken the time

to help me realize that.

All he ever talks about
are sports, house music

and how he wants a free pass

if he ever runs into Travolta
at the yogurt stand.

Well, if for some reason Ernie
can't be there for you,

you can always talk to me.

Thanks.

Aah!

How's Ernie doing?

He's okay.
Don't worry about it.

I'm so glad he decided
to let me come to the wedding.

That kiss was just
a stupid mistake on my part.

Yeah, I mean,

can you imagine us
actually hooking up?

Your soft skin,
long hair...

And all those curves...

No, thank you.

You're the priest?

You look exactly
like Angie's dad Vic.

And I sound like him, too.
Confusing?

Then don't eat the worm,
chico.

What?

Our grooms have written
their own vows,

and they'd like to share them
with everyone.

Ernie,

when you said you wanted us
to write our own vows,

I'll be honest,

I wasn't
looking forward to it.

It's hard for me
to look inside...

And share
what I'm feeling,

but you help me do that,

and as painful as it is,
it makes me a better person...

And I want to thank you
for that.

Why you looking at her?
You're marrying me.

No, I'm not.

I just realized
I can't marry you.

What?

I want to marry somebody
I can talk to.

Wait a minute.

I'm not even g*y, man.
I love Angie.

How can you say that?

Because he's coming out
of his hallucination.

What hallucination?

Oh, you think
a dancing worm is normal?

Look at me.

George, George, George,
George, George!

I'm at thirsty's?

What happened?

I had this weird hallucination,

but it helped me
realize something.

What?

Talking to your wife

is not a waste of time.

I don't understand it.

Exactly, man. That's why
I'll never marry you.

I didn't know
that was on the table.

I can't believe you walked out
on me like that.

We need
to finish talking.
I know.

Because if
I don't talk to you

about what's going on
in my life,

I'll never
be able to deal with it.

Don't just say
what you think I wanna hear.

No, I believe it now.

Angie, let's go home,

and I'll tell you all about
what happened at work.

Are you serious?

Absolutely.

Okay.

Oh, you smell so good.

And bra straps which mean,
hello.

You know, I feel kind of bad
'cause I was eavesdropping,

but it was nice of you to take
care of your friend like that.

Yeah, well,
that's what guys do.

Good guys.

You know, I get off work
in 20 minutes.

Are you... seeing anyone?

No.

I've been k*lling myself
trying to find the right woman

to start a relationship with,
but I'm just giving up.

I should just go
for a cheap one-nighter.

You know,
you'd be surprised.

Sometimes that's all
a woman wants, too.

Yeah? Well, I'm never
gonna find one of those.

I'm gonna walk home.
Take it easy.