06x12 - George Uses His Vato Power to Save Dinero Que La

[bunniefuu]

Oh, man, I'm too late.
Angie's got the bills.

Well, so what's
the big deal?

I went a little crazy
with my raise,

and I dropped a ton of cash
on some new golf clubs.

I was hoping to get
the credit card bill

before Angie
had a chance to see it.

You hide things you buy
from your wife?

You hide things

you buy
from your wife?

Dude,
when are you gonna get a woman

so you can learn
how this stuff works?

I'm tired of explaining
everything to you.

Your advice
doesn't work anyway.

If you hadn't hooked up
with Angie when you were 18,

your life
would be just like mine.

That is the worst thing

that you have
ever said to me.

Good luck, man.

Hey, baby.

Hey. What?!

The credit card bill
is huge!

How did this happen?

You get so stressed out
when you do the bills, huh?

Come on.

Just close your eyes...

And relax.

You know, Angie,
you got a huge knot here.

Mm.
I'm gonna use my elbow.

Okay, all done.

That's weird.

They didn't include the pages
that list all our charges.

I bet they're cutting back
on paper.

Global warming, al Gore...
What can you do?

You know what?
It's fine.

I'll just look up
the bill online.

You can do that?

Yeah.
Just take a second.

A-Angie,
I-I forgot to tell you

that I bought
a set of new golf clubs,

and I'll play so good that it'll
shave an hour off my round,

which means I can spend
more time with the family,

and you can't put
a price tag on that.

$900?!

That's pretty close.

We can't afford
to spend like this.

Come on, Angie. With my raise,
there's enough money

in the checking account
to cover it.

There isn't... anymore.

What?

$300 for a spa treatment?!

I went
to get my hair done,

but the spa
was offering reiki massages,

and I thought
I'd try one out.

Who's reiki
and where'd he touch you?

It's not a person,
George.

It's an Asian energy massage,

and they don't even
touch you.

They just put their hands
over your body

and affect
your energy fields.

$300, and you didn't even
get touched?

There. That should make up
for my golf clubs.

Okay.

We're both guilty.

If we keep
spending like this,

we'll just blow through
your whole raise.

Okay, why don't you
check with me

before you spend money
on anything big?
And you'll check with me.

Okay.
Well, we had a good plan.

You just ruined it.

No, let's talk
to each other

before we spend
anything over $100.

That way, you have
to defend what you spend.

Okay.

Tonight I'm going
to a poker game...
Mm-hmm.

Here in the house.

I'd like
to have $150 cash.

Mm.
Seems like a lot.

Let's hear
your defense.

Okay.

Poker relaxes me.

I make money doing it,
especially tonight

'cause i'm-a use the cards with
the girls in bikinis on 'em,

and Ernie's got a crush
on the 2, 4, and the 6,

and every time he moans,
he's like that... "Oh."

I know he's got low cards.

All right.
I'll give you the $150.

All right, thank you.

Okay, my turn.

Yesterday,
I saw a pair of shoes

that I really want,

and they're $200.

Hmm...

No. Veto.

You have to let me
defend it.

Mm. Okay.

Okay, this is a new kind
of ergonomically correct shoe,

and normally, they're $300,

but they're on sale,

and there's only
one pair left in my size.

I didn't realize
this was so important to you.

I was gonna say, "veto,"

but now I'm gonna stand up
and put my hand on your shoulder

and say it all nice...
Veto.

* all my friends

* know the low rider

**

Are you having fun

with the poker money
I should have vetoed?

No. I've been getting
horrible cards all night.

Well, I hope
you learned your lesson.

If you'd let me
buy those shoes,

i'dstill have them.

I know.

All right, better say good-bye
to the rest of my money.

And I will call
and put you out of your misery.

I call, too.

Ernie.

Oh.

She's so hot.

Waapahh!

I'm back.
I'm back.

You thought I had nothing.

You came down
just at the right time.

All that talk about "I hope
you learned your lesson"--

they totally believed it!

I was serious.

Give it a rest, baby.
It'll never work twice. Hey!

I could just k*ll him.

First, he cheats me
out of money,

and then he uses me

and embarrasses me
in front of everybody.

Oh, I wish someone
would clean him out,

so he'd have to come to me
for more money,

then I'd say no.
How bad do you
want him to lose?

Why?
Are you good at poker?

Dad was a card shark.

I can have your shoe money
in ten minutes.

This one time in Vegas,

I beat this guy so bad

he had a total breakdown
in front of his friends.

God, I love
to make men cry.

First,
let's get my shoe money,

then let's talk about

what support group
might be right for you.

Can I play bridge
with you guys?

Bridge? It's Texas hold'em,
and it's a man's game.

Tell her, mom.

Veronica,
you don't want to join us.

We're playing
for real money.

I have money.
I just cashed my paycheck.
Sit down, sister.

Okay, you guys,

I'm not sure
if this is the right move,

but I've always wanted
to say this--

I'm all in.

Sweetheart, don't do that.
You could lose all your money.

Mnh. I'll take my chances. Are
you in or out, uncle George?

Well, you have to learn
your lesson early.

I call.
Fold.

Fold.
I'm done.

A king and a queen.

Pocket rockets.

Ooh, and 2
in the flop.

That's quads.
You're dead before the turn.

What's she talking about,
George?

Don't ask me.
I died before the turn.

Want to go again?

Anybody can get quads.
That's not skill. That's luck.

All right.

I'll deal.

Which deck do you want?

Either.

Okay.

- I fold.
- Me, too.

I'm out.

Well, I guess
it's just us.

So you think
I'm all scared

because you know how
to play a little poker?

See, you don't know
who you're dealing with.

I was playing poker
before you were born.

Raise, call or fold?

I got a pain
in my chest.

I can't breathe.

I call.

Waapahh?

Were you by any chance
trying to say...

Waapahh?!

Oh, uncle George,
you're all out of money.

We should probably
stop there.

I'll get more money.
You stay right there.

You're not the only one who
knows how to handle the cards.

What-tcha.
Hello, girls. Hey.

I'm sorry
I turned you down for the shoes.

Can I have
more money for poker?

I'll take that
as a yes.

What are you doing
in my purse?

I'm not gonna lie.

I'm checking your purse
for drugs.

You've been
sleeping a lot.

Please, don't tear
this family apart.

Look,

if you need more money
for poker, just ask.

I'm a little more generous
than you are.

All right. Angie,
can I have another $100--
veto!

Revenge is not
a good color on you...

And neither was
that lime green dress

you wore at dinner
two years ago.

I knew I'd use it
in a fight someday,

and what-tcha, here it is.

Here's your shoe money,
aunt Angie.
Thank you.

Wait a minute.
Wh-what's--what's going on?

I wanted
to teach you a lesson,

and Veronica helped me.

I bring your niece
into my house,

and you use her
against me?

That's not cold. ¿sabes qu�
That's...

You know, you can go online
and learn how to play poker.

Just click on "beginner."

Yeah, and you can go
to smartassniece.Com

and click on "homeless."

I think there's
a bigger issue here.

You have
a spending problem.

Oh, you're right.

I got a spending problem,

and I'm looking right at her.

I have a lot more self-control
than you do.

Oh, really?

All right. Let's see
who can live on less,

and when I win, I don't have
to ask you for poker money.

Okay, and when I win, I don't
have to ask you for shoe money.

Now you realize what you're
getting yourself into, right?

No more
imaginary massages.

And if you want a mud mask,

you're gonna have to wait
till it rains

and shove your head
in a planter.

You'll be like...

Okay.

That means no more expensive
sports jerseys for you.

It's not like Phil Jackson

is gonna look up in the stands
and say, "hey, Mexican Kobe."

"Finish the hot dog
and get in the game."

Don't worry about me.
I grew up without that stuff.

I was poor, Angie.

I couldn't even go swimming
in a swimming pool

because my mom
wouldn't buy me a swimsuit.

I had to swim in a garbage can
in my underwear.

The white ones--
the "dun dun duns"

where you come out like that--
"dun, dun, dun."

You want to see
how I did laps?

I was like that...
One, two, three, four.

And I'd do the butterfly.
I'd be like that...

One, two, three, four.

And my friends would drive by,
and I'd be embarrassed.

I would close the lid
and be like...

That's right.
You see it.

Saving money on gas,
riding my bike to work.

What about tomorrow when you
have to pick up Max from school?

Let's go home, Max.
Vã¡manos! Porque â¿sabes quã©?

Well, I got us dinner.

I hope you're okay
with ramen noodles.

Ah! You spent 50 cents!

No, I paid for this
with recycled cans.

You went digging
through the trash?

I didn't have to.

I got 40 empties from
the backseat of your mom's car.

Not bad.

I made these
this morning.

Freezer snow cones.

I grew up on these.

What is it?

It's ice that I scraped
from the side of the freezer

with a fork.

It tastes like fish.

Oh, yeah, that one
was near the fish sticks.

I got corn.
You wanna trade?
No.

I'm good. Oh...

Before I forget,
Ernie called,

and he said that the game
is in double overtime,

and it's tied.

What?

Just so you know,
I canceled the cable.

That means
no more sports channels.

This isn't gonna break me.

I'll just call Ernie tomorrow
and ask him the score.

Face it, George.
You underestimated me.

I'm not spending money
on anything,

and I ran out
of deodorant, razors

and hair dye...

A long time ago.

órale, pep㩠le pew.

Holy crap!

I'm moving very slowly.

Don't spray me.

Excuse me.

I'm gonna go upstairs,

scrape a dry hunk of toothpaste
off the sink

and brush my teeth.

What's going on?

You still haven't
broken Angie yet?

She's tougher
than I thought, mom.

We ran out of fabric softener.

Her thongs are like cardboard,
but she's still wearing them.

I'm ashamed of you.

Where is the kid
who made a pillow

out of grass clippings
and a trash bag?

Who survived for a month
on Halloween candy?

Who used pages
from a phone book, George,

when we ran out
of toilet paper?

He's in here, mom.
I know he is.

Well,
then get him out!
I will.

Okay.
I'm-a do whatever
it takes to win this thing.

Yes, George,
because you know what?

I raised you
to be tougher than that.

So that's why you did
all those things, mom,

to toughen me up?

No, no, some things
were just for fun.

You know, I'll never forget
when you invited Ernie over

for your trash can
birthday pool party.

You know,

that was the one time I wished
that I had a camera.

You were like that...

You were like that...
You were like that...

And you were like this...

This is stupid.

It's been three weeks
with no TV or Internet.

All I do is read
and go to school.

I'm like some pioneer kid
from the '70s.

Well, I can't handle
anymore either.

That's why I got a plan
to end it tonight.

Your mom is going down.

Why is it dark in here?

Some of us don't need
to waste money on electricity.

I don't need it
if you don't.

So would you say this
is a good marriage?

Because if it is, I don't know
why g*y people want it so much.

So what'd you buy
for dinner?

I didn't buy anything.

At the back of the pantry,

I found a couple of cans

of fisherman's feast.

That's cat food...

From when we had a cat
years ago.

I know.

It's not even real tuna.

They spell it "t-o-o-n-a."

I've been looking forward

to the "ground fish meal
that contains

no more than 10% fins,
bones and scales."

Mmm, mmm!

You're actually
gonna eat cat food?

This is how hard I am.

Your turn, hood.

It smells okay.

Something popped.

I think I bit an eye.

That's okay, baby.
Spit it out.

No, I'm winning.

Look, neither of us
are winning.

We're eating cat food
in the dark.

But what about
the contest?

Forget the contest.
Let's just call it a draw.

Okay, but then can we go back
to spending money now?

'Cause I really, really want
to shave my legs.

Yeah.
My legs want that, too.

Look, Angie,
we can spend money,

but not the way we were.

If there's one thing
I learned from this,

it's that I don't want
to end up broke

and eating cat food
when I retire.

Okay,
so now why don't we

put the rest of my raise
into our savings?
I can live with that.

Now I think
we can afford a pizza.

I love you.

Whoa, whoa.
Down, kitty.

What?
We both ate cat food.

No, I...

I actually printed out a label
and put it on a can of tuna.

That didn't
taste like tuna.

Uh, yours wasn't.

I didn't think
you'd actually eat it.

George!
But you won, and your coat
is really shiny.

Oh, I don't believe you!

Don't be mad.
Get the keys. Get the keys.