14x12 - The Dirty Bubble Bass/Sheldon SquarePants

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

- [humming]

[gasps]

Look, Patrick!

Dirty Bubble trading cards!

The rarest trading cards
in existence!

[chuckling]

- Ooh, I invoke the
ancient rite of dibs!

- [yells]

- Can't argue with that!

- Yes, my collection
of Dirty Bubblobilia

will finally be complete.

- Congratulations.

You're the coolest guy here.

- [grunts]

- [sniffs]
Ah.

There's nothing like
the smell of vintage dust.

- Bubble Bass!

Have you been in that
musty comic shop again?

You march yourself upstairs
and take your bath!

- While we're here,
why not make the most of it?

A little official
Dirty Bubble bubble bath.

Now, where are those cards?

Ooh, hoo, hoo,
they come with a stick

of Dirty Bubble bubble gum.

- [evil laugh]

[hard crunching]

- [coughing]

Eh.

Oh, dear,
the nostalgic flavor

has given me a case
of dyspepsia.

[bubbling]

- [evil laugh]

- [gasps]

- Yes!

I'm free!

- The Dirty Bubble!

- You chewing that crusty gum
has freed me from

Mermaid Man's bubblegum trap.

What's your name,
my bulbous buddy?

- Buh-buh--Bubble Bass.

- What a perfect name
for my new sidekick.

Or should I say, inside kick.

- [yells]

Let me out!

- [evil laugh]

As a reward for releasing me,
you're my new partner in crime.

- What's going on in--

Bubble Bass!

You're even filthier than
before you took a bath.

- It's not my fault, Mother.

I'm trapped inside
this foul felon.

- I hate to come between
a man child and his mama,

but it's time to grime.

[evil laugh]

- [screams]

- Filthy!

- Ugh, it'll take forever
to get out of this goop.

- I'm sorry, Mother!

- [evil laugh]

OK, let's get busy now.

- Please!

Remove yourself from my person!

- Sorry, fella, but you'll
be the perfect cover

for my crimes.

And don't get any funny ideas.

The Dirty Bubble
is in control now.

- Physical activity?

No!

Anything but that!

[tires squealing]

Please, do something!

[squeals]
Whew.

Hm?

[bell dings]

[panting]

- Now that you know who's boss,
let's start our grime spree.

I haven't bagged
a bank in ages.

- Eh.

- Nobody move!

This is a stink up!

- Ew!
- Ah!

Disgusting.

[alarm ringing, screaming]

- We may need to do a little--

money laundering.

- I guess crime does pay.

[sirens wail]

- Freeze, you filthy felon!

- Thanks for the compliment,
Officer.

- [yells]

No!

- Mucked!

- I'm beginning to enjoy
this little felonious--

[panting]
--excursion.

[stomach growling]

I need sustenance, though.

I know the perfect crime
to fill our bellies.

- I like your moxie.

Show me what you got, Sidekick.

- Give me all your
Krabby Patties post haste.

- Keep your shirt on--

eh, goop on.

- All our Krabby Patties?

I'll handle this charming
customer, Mr. Squidward.

SpongeBob!

We need a Krabby
Bucket, pronto!

- Order up!

Love the Dirty Bubble
cosplay, Bubble Bass.

- [burps]

- Oh, yes!

This greasy grub is
most invigorating.

- Wah!

The real Dirty Bubble?

- It was a delightful repast.

But I'm afraid I still
require a refund.

- Me money!

- [evil laugh]

- [squeals] Bubble Bass,
get out of me restaurant!

But first, give me
me money back.

[squeals]

[growls]

- Sorry, we won't be leaving--

- Until we're done thieving.

- Oh, no!

[whimpering]

Patrick!

- SpongeBob!

- [farts]

- Hey, I'm trying to eat here!

- So is my sidekick.

Here's another one, partner.

[chuckles]

- Hey, find your own
patty to suck on!

[splatting, thudding]

[crowd murmuring]

- Wait!

Don't go!

[splatting, thudding]

Quick!

Get in!

[panting]

- Oh, if only Mermaid Man
were here.

- Heh, I think we can
handle this ourselves.

[laughs]

[triumphant music]

- Wow!

- Let's go pop that bubble.

- Stop right there,
Dirty Bubble!

- What are you supposed to be?

A Mermaid Man tribute band?

- Say hello to Mermaid-Pants.

- Captain Tightwad.

- Dr. Negative.

- And Affordable Car!

- Don't you mean
"Barnacle Star?"

- What he said.

- Ha!

Sea star swipe!

- Swipe!

- [blowing]

- [squeals]

[laughter]

- Feel my penny pinch!

- Pinch!

- Watch the claws, Crabby.

- [squeals]

No, no, no, no!

[wailing]

- Disinfect!

- Try my negative vibes.

- Vibes!

- Your negativity is
no match for my disdain.

- Who cares?

[zap]

- What a bummer.

- Bummer!

- You're our last hope,
Barnacle Star.

- [straining]

Sorry, I got nothing.

- Nothing!

- [evil laugh]

[sloshing]

- Icky!

[all groaning]

- [squeals]

- [evil laugh]

Now that those counterfeit
clowns are pulverized,

what nefarious misdeeds
should we commit next?

- [sighs] My filthy powers
are running low, partner.

I need a recharge.

- Hm, I know the perfect
place to invigorate

your noxious batteries.

The Chum Bucket!

Bring out as many buckets
of chum as you can.

- Show me the money first.

- And keep it coming.

- Ooh, why, certainly, sir.

[evil laugh]

- Oh.

[slurping]

Hm, disgustingly delicious.

- The Chum Bucket serves the
foulest fare in Bikini Bottom.

- [gulping]

Oh, yeah!

[chomping]

I can feel its
putrid power coursing

through my bubbly body.

- Many buckets later.

- [burps]

I must have more!

- 382, 383--

Huh?

Ah!

- Jackpot!

Or should I say chum-pot?

[evil laugh]

- I may have made a slight--

[gulps]
--miscalculation.

- Wah!

[slurping]

- [whimpering]

- [evil laugh]

This chubby chow has
made me invincible.

Ooh, leftovers.

[slurps]

[rumbling]

Huh?

[groaning]

Uh-oh.

- Ew.

From now on,
I'll stick to villains

who don't control my life.

- Bubble Bass!

- Mother.

- You come home right this
instant and finish your bath!

- Right away, Mother.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Uh--there!

- Not bad.

But let's see what you
think of this move.

[phone rings]
Excuse me, Patrick.

I should get this.

[phone rings]

Yello?

- Oh, hello, son.

Are you busy?

- Well, Patrick and I
are pretty deep into a game

of upside-down checkers,
but I always

have time for you and Mom.

Boop.

- We're very glad to
hear that because

we have a surprise for you.

Boop.

- A surprise?

I love surprises!

- Can you come over right away?

- You bet.

See you soon.

Sorry, Patrick, I have to go.

But Gary can finish
the game with you.

- Meow.

- Looks like I only
have one move left.

[bright music]

- Hi, Mom!

Hi, Dad!

- Hello, darling.
Oh.

[giggles]

- My surprise has to be
around here somewhere!

- It sure is, Son.

Are you ready for it?

- Where is it?

Where is it?
Where is it?

- Well, you're standing on it.

- [groans]

Boop.

- Plankton?

- Meet your new
brother, Sheldon.

- [evil laugh]

[baby giggles]

- He-he.

[doorbell chimes]

- We found him on our
doorstep this morning.

- He was just as
cute as a button.

- And we did what any
decent sponges would do

and immediately adopted
the little foundling.

- Heh, heh, heh, heh.

[splutters]

I'm your new brother!

- Wait a minute.

- [nervous laughs]

- This is--great!

I've always wanted a brother!

Ooh!

- All right,
you two boys have fun.

[smooching]

- All right, SpongeBob.

You heard the dopes.

Eh, I mean,
"Mommy" and "Daddy."

We're brothers now.

And brothers tell
each other everything.

[evil laugh]

Especially the Krabby Patty
secret formula.

[evil laugh]

[laughter]

- You're right, Plankton.

There's no secrets
between brothers.

- Yes.

Yes!

- But first, we have to
get closer by doing things

together, like brothers do.

- [sighs]
Eh, fine.

- First up,
a little game of catch.

- Hold on, hold on!
This glove is too big.

- Heads up!

- [groans] Here.

Here you go.
[grunts]

- Nice throw, Plankton.

Now here comes one with
a little spice on it.

- No, wait!

[sizzling]

It burns!

[splat]

- Oh, Harold, it's so nice to
see our boys getting along.

- Aw, it really is, dear.

[splat]

- [groans]

OK, enough catch.

How about we share secrets now?

- Sorry, but we haven't filled
our brotherly love meter yet.

We have more bonding to do.

And what better way
to brotherly bond

than by helping our neighbors?

- [groans]

- I'm sure these
nice ladies will

have some chores for us to do.

- Oh, goody.

[doorbell rings]

- Whatever you're selling,
I'm not buying.

- No, ma'am.

My brother and I were hoping
you had some housework

that needs doing.

- You two look like
a couple of weirdos.

And I don't let
weirdos touch my stuff!

- Ma!

Give it a rest!

Don't mind her.

You boys can mow our kelp lawn.

Mower's out by the tires.

Careful.

- We're always careful, ma'am.

OK, little brother,
you get the motor going.

And I'll drive.

- [grunting]

Hey, can we switch places?

- [laughs]

That's cute,
but you're not tall enough

to work the controls.

Now give her a good tug.

- All right, whatever.

[grunting]

[straining]

[engine whirring]

[screaming]

- Are you OK?

You were supposed
to be careful.

- Mmm.

Nice work, I think.

Here's a shiny nickel, boys.

- You're paying for this mess?

Quit spoiling them, Mary.

[coin clinks]

- A lousy nickel?

Why, you decrepit--
[grunts]

- We're rich.

OK, next, we're going to
head down to the junkyard

and play with the
metal shredder.

- No way!

I've had it with your
torturous activities.

[horns honking]
I'm--wait a second.

Where are we?

Right by the Clown College.

Why?

- We have to get out
of here right now.

Come on!

We'll take the long way home.

- What's the matter?

You're not afraid
of clowns, are you?

[giggling]

- [growling]

I thought I told you not to
come around here, Shrimp!

- [nervously laughs]
Yeah, you might have mentioned

that before, Squeakers.

- That's Mr. Squeakers to you.

Looks like my big shoes get
to stomp a tiny punk today.

- [whimpering]

- Brother!

No!

[heroic music]

- Wah!

- You--you saved me from
that big-footed buffoon.

- Of course.

Brothers stick up
for each other.

- I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but, uh, I think
I want to do more

stuff with you, big brother.

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- That cloud looks
like an elephant fish.

- That one looks
like an iron maiden.

- That one looks like
a baby jellyfish.

- Ooh, that one looks
like a depth charge.

Thank you, SpongeBob,
for a truly wonderful day.

I had a lot of brothers
and sisters growing up,

but never one who was
actually nice to me.

- Little brother, I'm ready.

- Ready?
Ready for what?

- We're real brothers now.

I'm ready to share my deepest,
most secretest secret.

I swore I'd never
tell it to anyone.

Oh, but I'm nervous.

Could you go first?

- Of course.

Anything for my brother.

Eh.

I put on a gruff
exterior because I don't

want the world to hurt me.

But deep down,
I'm afraid I'll push

everyone away and end up alone.

[sad violin music]

- Well, thanks very much for
sharing that, little brother.

Now it's my turn.

[inhales deeply]

No one is supposed
to know this, but--

but--

- Yes?

Yes?

- My tie, it's--

a clip-on!

- I knew it!

Wait, what?

- I never learned
how to tie a tie!

Look at it!
Look at it!

Look your eyes upon
my accursed shame!

[breathing raggedly]

Whew, sure felt good to
get that off my chest.

- That's it?

That's your secret?

Are you kidding me?

- Yep, that was it.

Wait, are you upset?

- You're darn right I am!

You were supposed to tell me
the secret formula!

Nobody cares about your tie!

- The secret formula?

That's what you wanted to hear?

Oh, I can't share that.

It's locked in my brain box.

[beeping]

- [snoring]

- Well, then, I'll use
this key to unlock it.

[whirring]

- [shrieks]

- [laughs]

- Oh, boy, I was
afraid of this.

- It looks like you two just
weren't made to be brothers.

Such a shame.

- Hey, what are you doing?

- Well, the only thing
responsible parents can do--

making our child
someone else's problem.

- Bye, Plankton.

I really liked having
you as a brother.

- Yeah, well,
I hated every minute--

[doorbell rings]

- Why, look, Cecil!

It's a baby boy!

- Fantastic!

I've always wanted our
son to have a brother.

Oh, Patrick!

- All right!

Let's play checkers!

Checkers! Checkers! Checkers!
- Ouch! Ow!

- [giggles]

- Oh, brother.