15x01 - Sammy Suckerfish/Big League Bob

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[classical music]

♪ ♪

- Nice flipping today, Spatty.

Great grill work, Billy.

And we couldn't have done
it without you, Flamey.

See you tomorrow!

[giggles]

Gallopin' garbage!

[foghorn blares]

I've never seen the Krusty Krab
covered in this much filth.

- What do you expect
from a Sewer Dwellers'

convention, table manners?

- [munches]

- All right.

You've had enough.
- [belches]

- You don't have to go
back to the sewer,

but you can't stay here.

- [roars]

- We're closed!

- [whimpering]

- Well, make sure this place
is spotless before you leave.

- Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs.

Ay-yi-yi.

This is going to
take me all night.

Well, I'd better get started.

Hmm.

[twinkling]

[grunting]

I wish I had a friend to
help me clean this place up.

[wind howling]

[bicycle bell jingling]

[dramatic music]

Hmm.

Strong wind
coming in from the east.

- More specifically,
I'd wager,

we're coming in
from the northeast.

- Who said that?

- I did, Gov'ner.

[whimsical music]

♪ ♪

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

♪ ♪

- Moppy, that landing
was perfectly practical

in every way.

- [barks, pants]

- Who are you?

- Why, I'm Sammy Suckerfish,
the jolly janitor I am, I am.

And the word on the wind is
you need a little cleaning.

- Boy, do I!

Hiya, Moppy.

- [barks]

- Blimey,
will you take a gander at all

that lovely ruddy filth?

- What should we clean first?

- Well, I always like to start
with the eyes of the eatery,

that meaning the windows.

- Ooh.

I'm ready! Huh?

- You can put those away,
me old mucker.

- But how are we going
to wash the windows?

- Well, I'll tell ya.

[snaps fingers]

♪ There are janitors
who only clean with brushes ♪

♪ Others use a rag
or cloth or broom ♪

♪ But when all
is said and done ♪

♪ I find it best
to use me tongue ♪

♪ So excuse me
while I lick this room ♪

[babbling]

[twinkling]

- Wow!

- Now give your tongue a go.

- OK!

[babbling]

[gulps]

Blech!

[spits]
Yuck!

Sammy, that tastes horrible.

Oh!

[grunts]

- How about now?

- Ahh.

[slurps]

Hmm.

[lips smacking]

[in nasal tone]
Now I can't taste anything.

- If you can't smell it,
you can't taste it.

Back to singing.

♪ Lick all the dirt
up lickety-split ♪

♪ Lick all the dirt
up, every bit ♪

♪ Lick all the windows,
lick all the doors ♪

♪ Lick up the ceiling,
lick up the floors ♪

♪ Lick all the dirt up,
that's the plan ♪

♪ Spit out the
dirt into the can ♪

♪ Lick all the dirt
up in the place ♪

♪ Lick all the dirt
up off your face ♪

- [slurping]

- [babbling]

- [barks]

- ♪ I'll never use
a cloth or rag again ♪

♪ My tongue can now
out-clean or brush or mop ♪

- ♪ He's SpongeBob
and I'm Sammy ♪

both:
♪ We refuse to use a shammy ♪

♪ We're licking it up
and we will never stop ♪

[twinkling]

[both slurping]

- [whimpers]

[dramatic music]

- Ew.
- Yum.

- [barks]

[both babbling]

- "Krabs is cheap,
Squidward smells."

- [gasps]
It's true.

Squidward smells great.

But how do we get
this graffiti off?

- Some stains are so tough

they need a little-a
bit-a magic soap.

[upbeat music]

One, two, graffiti, boo!

[both babbling]

- Ahh!

- [grunts]

[both gasping]

[both grunt]

[both scream]

[heartbeat thumping]

both: Ah!

- Argh! Hmm?

both: Ha-ha!

[gasping]

- [grunts]

- Argh!

both: Ahh!

[both grunting]

- Ahh!

They're gonna
clean us to death--

with our own tongues!

- Not necessarily.

[whistles]

- [barks]

[both yelling]

- Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

- Graffiti boo!

both: Ahh!

- Hooray!

We did it!

We cleaned everything!

- Psh.

I'm sure there's still more
cleaning around here

to do, love.

Sniff out the dirt,
Moppy old girl.

- [barks]

[sniffing]

[barking]

- Ooh!

I spy with my little eye
this filthy room.

[slurps]

- Oh, uh, no, no!

Mr. Krabs doesn't like
anybody in his office.

- I'm sure your
Mr. Krabs wouldn't

mind if we tidied up a bit.

These walls are
chock-full of clutter.

[babbles]

- But Sammy, that's
Mr. Krabs's private property.

- Excuse me, lad.

- Sammy, we're gonna
get in big trouble.

- Huh!

[babbles

- Not the safe!

No!

Not the secret formula!

- Secret formula?

You mean this?

- [gasps] Sammy Suckerfish,
you spit out that

secret formula this instant!

- I told you,
I can't stop cleaning!

[babbles]

- Um, Sammy!

[panting]

[alarm beeping]

[tires screeching]

- Hands up, Plankton.

I got you surrounded-- wha?

- Sammy, stop it!

No!

Huh?

Oh, Mr. Krabs, I'm so sorry.

I told him to stop.

- Step aside, boy-o.

I know what's going on here.

- Evening, Gov'ner.

- Take off that phony
British head, Plankton.

You're not fooling anyone.

[both grunting]

- I know you're in
there, Plankton.

[echoing] Come on,
get out of there already!

- [whimpering]

- Hey, keep it down!

Some people have to steal the
secret formula in the morning.

- Wait.

If he's not Plankton,
then who is he?

- Um, he-- he's
a magical janitor

that licked off your safe door
and the secret formula with it!

- Huh?

What?

Give that back!

- No worries, gents.

That safe is as
clean as a whistle.

[whistles]
Right, Moppy?

- [barks]

- Introducing the Moppettes!

[all cheering]

- ♪ Oh, lick all the
dirt up lickety-split ♪

♪ Lick all the dirt
up, every bit ♪

♪ Lick all the windows,
lick all all the doors ♪

- He's still got the secret
formula stuck to his tongue!

- I've gotta get
the formula back.

- Me, too.

- Oh, no, you don't, Sheldon.

Get out!

- Hey, I've got a stake
in this, too, you know.

- [grunts]

OK.

Temporary truce.

Stop that tongue!
- Ahh!

- [babbling]

- Wait! What? Whoa!

- [babbling]

- Double time!

♪ Lick all the dirt up
lickety-split ♪

♪ Lick all the dirt up,
every bit ♪

♪ Lick all the windows,
lick all the doors ♪

♪ Lick up the ceiling,
lick up the floors ♪

[both screaming]

- ♪ Lick all the dirt up,
that's the plan ♪

♪ Spit out the
dirt into the can ♪

♪ Lick all the dirt
up in the place ♪

♪ Lick all the dirt
up off your face ♪

- Not so hard!

- [babbling]

- ♪ Oh, lick all
the dirt up-- ♪

Oh!
- Augh!

- Sorry, Sammy,
but we need your tongue.

- I told you,
I can't stop cleaning!

[babbling]

- Uh, Sammy, you have
smudges all over you.

- A smudge?
On me?

Well, then, I suppose
it's bath time, innit?

[babbling]

both: The secret formula!

- That was fun, eh, Spongey?

So long, and don't say
I never give you nothing.

[hacks, spits]

Whoops.

- [gasps]
The formula!

Aw, thanks, Gov'ner.

- [slurping]

- Say cheese, secret formula.

[cackling]

- [whistles]

[Moppettes barking]

Clean that dirty
little scoundrel!

- Huh?

Uh-- uh, I'm just kidding.

[both munching]

- Ahh!

[Moppettes barking]

- I hope it's clear
why we don't let strangers

in after closing time, boy-o.

- Yes, sir, Mr. Krabs.

[laughs]

Crystal clear.

[sobs]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Yes, sir,
I'm well aware that we

need a new super chef for the
big, new stadium restaurant.

I found three
potential candidates,

and I just need one more,
someone with pizzazz!

- [grunting]

- Will you cut the pizzazz
and finish the order?

[groans]

- Whoops!

[grunts]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

- Listen, I gotta go.

- Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
Ahh!

- Hey, buddy.

- Ahh!

[panting]

- That's some mighty
fancy cooking.

Is that my order?

[chomps]

[ethereal music]

Ooh.

- Is there anything
wrong with it?

- Is there anything
wrong, he says.

There's only everything
right with it!

What are you doing here
in this greasy dump

when you could be a culinary
superstar in the big leagues?

Who's your manager?
Who?

- Mr. Krabs is my manager.

- What's all that rumpus
in here?

Who is this clownfish?

- This clownfish is gonna
make you a very wealthy crab.

- Culinary Stadium Restaurant?

What's that?

- It's a bold new concept.

We've converted a baseball
stadium into a restaurant

serving thousands of food
fans at the same time.

So how much
to take this greenhorn,

this rookie, this dinghy full
of holes off of your claws?

Look at him.

Food stains on his tie.

[clicks tongue]
Deplorable.

- Huh?

[licks]
Not deplorable--

delicious!

- I could never
part ways with me--

[cash register dings]

[moans]
Oh, pardon my vapors.

- But Mr. Krabs, I don't want
to leave the Krusty Krab.

- Yeah, far be it from me
to hold you back, boy-o.

By the looks of
this legal tender,

it's obvious you're destined
for bigger and better things.

- Let's get out of here.

- Hey, kid.

Go get 'em, hotshot.

Knock 'em dead.

[clicks tongue]

[wind howling]

Knock 'em dead.

[clicks tongue]

- Huh?

- OK, you lowly hash slingers.

This is the tryout kitchen.

The four of you will compete
cooking against each other.

You'll be eliminated one by
one until there's only one

of you left standing.

That person
and only that person

will cook for the whole
stadium and receive

the title of super chef.

- What happens
when you're eliminated?

- You'll be selling dirty
water hot dogs on the freeway.

- [gasps]

Oh!

- Looks like fun.

Hello.

My name is SpongeBob.

- Put her there.

- Curly finger fries.

Not.

[inhales, blows]

Huh?

Oh!

- Let's go, go, go,
you goofy gourmets.

You got your broth,
and you got your ingredients.

I want to taste a soup
that's unique with a flavor

that's singular!

Let's get cooking!

- [grunts]

- Thanks.

[laughs]
Aw, gee.

Looks like you ain't got
no fixings for mix-ins.

Ha-ha!

- Hey, that's not fair.

[babbling]

Some romantic dinner music?

- You know what
your soup needs?

A little roughage.

Let me "nail" it for you.

[laughs]

- Ten seconds left!

- Oh, what do I do?

What do I do?

- Look at him.

Food stains on his tie.

- My tie!

Dunk, dunk.

[pot clanging]

- [slurps]
Hmm.

Not bad.

- Heh-heh-heh.
Heh-heh-heh.

- [slurps]

[sputters, coughs]

Nails are unacceptable!

You're out!

- [groans]

[vacuum whirring]

Oh!

- [whimpers]

Oh!

- [slurps]
Not bad.

Not good, but not bad.

[slurps]
Excellent.

Light, refreshing
with just a hint of rayon!

This round goes to the sponge!

[triumphant music]

- [neighs]

- [grumbling]

- Listen up, you gruff guppies.

The next challenge is pizza!

I want a pizza that's
extraordinary, unanticipated,

from left field--

and no nails.

- [spits]

- [sighs]

- [chomping]

[blows]

Look, buddy,
I'm sorry about before.

Let me make it up to you.

[spits]

I've made this special
pizza dough from me

old mother's recipe.

I'd like you to have it.

- Much obliged.

[sniffs]
Mmm, minty.

- Heh, heh.

[grunts]

- So you like nails, do you?

[chuckles]

- Huh?

Stealing my cheese, huh?

I know just what to do
with shrimps like you.

- Mm, what happened
to the shrimp?

I guess some folks
can't handle the pressure.

Turtle, you're up.

[chomps]

[spits, coughs]

What did I say about no nails?

You're out!

- It had to be you!

I'll get back at you
if it's the last thing I do!

- [grumbling]

- [groans]

[anchor clangs]
- Ohh!

[anchor clangs]

[both giggling]

- Huh, unusual shape.

[chomps]
Mmm.

[lips smacking]

Hints of mint,
tropical berry, cinnamon.

But what's this flavor?

[blows]

- Oh!

[whimpers]

- [laughs]
That's it.

Shrimp!

I love shrimp on pizza!

The competition is over.

Looks like you hit
a home run, sponge.

Welcome to the big leagues!

- [gasps] Even the dreams that
you've never had can come true.

[dramatic music]

- Welcome to the
Culinary Stadium, food fans.

The cooking is about to begin.

Food fans, will you
please give a warm welcome

to our new super chef,
SpongeBob SquarePants?

- That's you, champ.

You're on!

[jazzy music]

- Hey, kid.

Knock it out of the park.

[clicks tongue]

[wind howling]
- Ooh.

Knock it out of the park.

[clicks tongue]

- Huh?

Eh.

- Let's cook!

First up,
caramelized kelp, pesto coral,

and grilled chocolate algae.

- [grunting]

- Oh, the rookie
is off to a great start.

He's showing excellent form.

Look at the arm on that kid.

Fried sea bananas,
the gold flake breadsticks,

twigs in a blanket.

[crowd murmuring]

Oh-h*, SpongeBob is
handling all the orders

like a true champion.

- Ahh!

- I told him I'd get him back.

[cackles]

- [chomps, spits]

- Hmm.

Why are there no
tables up here?

- The tables with food are
for the wealthy moneybags

down below
in the premium section.

- Hmm.

We only get to watch 'em eat?

- I know.

Isn't it wonderful?

- Give me that.

- Such skill, such agility!

But can he keep up the pace?

[buzzer blares]
- [gasps]

- The orders are piling
up for our rookie.

- Uh-oh.

Looks like our boy
is in trouble.

- Ahh!

Ahh!

- All food bases are loaded!

[crowd booing]

- What are you doing?

- I'm giving SpongeBob an
order I know he can win with.

- Let me guess.

- Krabby patties.

- Typical.

- Huh?

- Looks like our chef has
a special order, folks.

- Whoo-hoo-hee!

- Wait a minute.

That doesn't look
like gourmet food.

- [inhales]

Whoo! Hey! Ha! Ha!

Wap! Hey!

[all chomping]

[cheers and applause]

[whistle blows]

- Time-out!

You're supposed to
be cooking high-class

cuisine, not fast food.

- Yeah, well,
thanks for the opportunity,

but I like it better
in the Krusty leagues.

I forfeit.

- Huh, these kids today.

No respect for the game.

[jazzy music]

- Hey, kid.

You're blowing up big-time.

Don't you hear 'em?
[clicks tongue]

[together] SpongeBob!
SpongeBob! SpongeBob!

- Go out there.

Take your final bow.

- [pants]

[wind howling]

- Take your final bow.

- Where the heck does he go?

[pants]

[jazzy music]

[triumphant music]

Yeah!

Oh.

[laughs]
Thank you.

[b*mb ticking]

Thank you.

[loud expl*si*n]

[all gasping]

- Huh?

- [grunts]

- Our boy's come back to us!

- Didn't I tell you
you were blowing up?

- You sure did, kid.

[clicks tongue]