15x12 - Who's Afraid of Mr. Snippers?/A Fish called Sandy

[bunniefuu]

[seagulls squawking]

Are ya ready, kids?

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

[kids] Aye-aye, Captain!

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

- ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

[Painty the Pirate laughs]

[jaunty flute melody]

Argh!

- [seagulls squawking]
- [waves crashing]

- [peppy, bright music plays]
- [cheery whistling]

[whistling continues]

- [loud, rumbling expl*si*n]
- [music ends abruptly]

[gloomy musical twang]

[raspy, through-the-teeth
whistling]

[creaking]

[squelch, squeak]

[groans]

[sad accordion music plays]

[coughs] That secret formula
safe is pretty durable.

Maybe dynamite
was the wrong choice.

[straining]

[grunts]

[dazed grumbling]

[sighs] Crew, I need to get away
from Plankton for a while.

I could use a vacation.

A nice sea cruise.

Oooh!

- [thud]
- [alarm bell dinging]

A cruise!

The shuffleboard!

The buf... [belches]
fet!

[woozily] The sea sickness!

[normal voice] Ooh! We can...

Not we.

Me.

Alone.

Cabin for one.

Mr. Squidward,
rebuild the restaurant!

- [thud]
- [grunts]

What should I do?

Wish me bon voy-ah-gee!

[gasps]

[lively music plays]

[happily] Bon voyage!

Goodbye!

Farewell!

Happy trails!

[dramatically agonized]
Oh, why?!

Why do you have to go?!

- [grunts]
- I miss you already!

Don't leave me!

[ship's horn blows]

[SpongeBob cries pitifully]

[weeping]

[excitedly] Oh, boy!
Now I get to help Squidward!

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

[titters] Looks like
my cabin's downstairs.

[elevator whirs, dings]

[man, snobbishly]
Yes, I was the purveyor...

- [laughter]
- [elevator dinging faster]

- [toilet flushing]
- [chatter]

[elevator dinging rapidly]

How much further down
do these decks go?

[panel buzzing]

- [elevator thuds, dings once]
- [siren wailing]

Uh... Cabin 237...



[eerie, haunting music plays]

Oh, here we go.

[scuttling]

[straining]

It's tighter than
a snail's shell in here.

But at least I got it cheap!

[groans]

[funky music plays]

[gasps] Krabs?!

Plankton!

[both] What are you doing here?!

I'm tryin' to get away from you!

This is my cabin!

And I'm trying to get away
from you!

This is mycabin!

[both] "Double occupancy"?!

[quirky music plays]

[sighs]

I better not see you

and I better not hear you
for this whole cruise,

or so help me, Neptune,

I'm tossin' your green keister
overboard!

- [resounding slam]
- Oh, yeah?

Well, I can slam a hatch too,
ya know!

[comical musical transition]

[light, upbeat music plays]

[children giggling]

[slurping loudly]

[gasps]

Well, ahoy there, passenger!

I'm Rube,

the activities director
on this ship.

Can I sign you up for
our wet and wild waterslide?

Woo!

[shouting]

[cheering]

Amazing, isn't it?

I don't think...

[dramatic beat]

so.

Ooh, you're gonna have fun!

You just need a buddy
to go down with.

[panting heavily]

Ha-h*!
And here's your buddy now.

Krabs!

[gasps] Plankton!

Oh, good!
You already know each other!

Anchors aweigh!

Wait! [shouts]

[up-tempo, frenzied music plays]

[wailing fearfully]

[children shouting]

[lilting shouts]

Say "Buddies"!

- [Krabs blubbers]
- [Plankton shouts]

[sudden silence]

[shouting loudly]

- [Krabs grunts]
- [seagulls squawking]

[both screaming]

[air whiffing loudly]

- [loud thud]
- [water sloshing]

- [music fades]
- [bubbling]

[comical horn blow]

I rebuke you!

Get away from me!

- Woo!
- Woo!

- Ahh!
- Yoo!

[soft whimsical music plays]

[straining]

Yeah, baby!

Ten points!

Plankton wins again!

You can't lose
when you play alone!

Whoa!

Huh?

Buzz off, whale food!

I'm signed up
for this court now.

Go bite a barnacle!

I'm booked right now.

Oh, fish sticks!

I signed you both up
for the same time.

I hope that won't be a prob.

[chuckles devilishly] No prob.

Amazing!

Hey!

[squeaking]

[sizzling]

[giggling maniacally]

[Plankton grunting]

[chuckles]

Eh...?

[Plankton] Shuffle off, Krabs!

[screams]

Ha-oy!

[loud splash]

- [air horn blowing]
- [funky disco music plays]

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- [squelch]
- [groans]

Uh-huh. That's right.

Woo-hoo. Woop! Woop! Woop!

[grunts]

Hyah!

[disco music ends]

- Ha!
- [dramatic music plays]

[all screaming, shouting]

[Krabs whimpers]

[regal orchestral music plays]

[slurps, spits]

[both grumbling]

[bubbling]

[disheartened accordion music
plays]

[both groaning]

The captain says,
"Shoveling coal

is what you two maniacs get

for causing trouble on my ship."

So have fun, y'all!

Thanks a lot, Sheldon!

You ruined my vacation!

[clanging thud]

- [tense music plays]
- [shovel dinging]

[ship's captain]
All hands on deck!

We've lost control of the ship.

Neptune help us, we're headed
straight for an iceberg...

lettuce, dead ahead!

[alarm blaring]

- [thud]
- [crunching]

[sustained horn blow]

I can't believe I'm left here
alone with just you.

Well, I can't believe
I'm left here alone

with just you too.

Hey, at least we have
free salad.

- Ow!
- [passenger 1] Boo!

- [passenger 2] Good riddance!
- [passenger 3] I hate you so!

Hey, can ya throw down
some Thousand Island dressing?

[melancholy accordion music
plays]

[Rube] Ahoy there, you two!

[soft, whimsical music plays]

Now who's up
for a lifeboat drill?

Ow!

Okay, maybe next time!

Brr! The water's so cold
I can barely feel my legs!

Ah-mayyy-zing!

Okay, let's start paddling.

You're going the wrong way.

No, this way!

No! This way!

The right way!

[chuckles smugly]

[French narrator]
The next day...

[jungle animals hooting,
crying out]

[mellow, whimsical music plays]

This way is the right way, eh?

Well, this way we're stranded!

Hey!

Your foot's on my side

of the deserted island!

Well, you keep moving the line!

[both growling]

[Rube] Yoo-hoo!

There you two are!

[upbeat music plays]

I've been looking for you
all over.

I've got you both signed up
for a bike ride on the beach.

Here's an activity for you!

[music distorts, cuts off]

- [chuckles] Nice throw.
- [flatly] Thanks.

- Hand me that bicycle pump.
- What are you doing?

I'm gonna ride ol' rubber pants
outta here!

[chuckling gleefully]

Not without me!

[both chuckling happily]

[lively accordion music plays]

[groans]

Oh, no!

I'm all bloated!

Better undo my belt.

- Don't! Don't! Don't!
- Ahh! No!

- [Plankton and Krabs screaming]
- [Rube] Ah-may-ziiiing!

[music tempo quickens]

[both screaming]

Ooh! That is brisk
on the little piggies!

[shouting]

- [music ends]
- [seagulls squawking]

[cheery, playful music plays]

[resounding beep]

Ooh! Treasure!

[grunts]

Good morning!

SpongeBob?!

What are you doing here?

Oh, I always come to Goo Lagoon
to look for treasure.

Once I found a bottle cap.

- Goo Lagoon?!
- Goo Lagoon?!

[both babbling]

[exclaims]

[children giggling]

[whistle blows]

[chatter]

[whimpers]

You said all those sounds
were hallucinations!

Well, you wouldn't explore
the island

because of your knees!

[Krabs] Oh, that's it! Now I
really need a vacation from you!

[Plankton] Not as much
as I need one from you!

[French narrator]
One week later...

[gentle, jaunty melody plays]

[yawns]

Sure has been quiet around here.

- [thud]
- [glass tinkling]

[Plankton sighs]

It sure has been boring
around here.

- [doorbell rings]
- Hm?

Yello!

[gasps]

- Krabs!
- Plankton!

What'cha got there
behind your back, Eugene?

Well, I just thought, ya know,
you might wanna

maybe... take a crack at,
uh, ya know...

stealing me formuler?

[shimmering, hopeful music
plays]

Gimme that!

- [grunting]
- [thudding punches]

[dissonant music plays]

[bottle scrapes]

[whimsical music plays]

[gasps]

What is this doing here?!

Safe and sound.

[both groaning]

Ahoy there, you two.

Looks like we're all signed up
in here

for a game of Spin The Bottle.

Ah-maaayyy-zing!

[ship's horn blows]

[bright, triumphant music plays]

[soaring dramatic music plays]

[engine sputtering]

Captain Quasar!

Save me!

[growling, clucking]

You let Pat-Tron go,
Chicken Man!

[growling]

[wailing cluck]

[clucking angrily]

[grunting]

[intense dramatic music plays]

[both sighing woozily]

- [growling]
- [clucking]

[grunts]

[clucking angrily]

- [clucks]
- Whoa!

[munching]

Sweet Neptune,
what's that behind you?!

Ba-gawk?

[chuckles]

[screaming]

[loud thud]

My hero!

You saved me!

Of course, Pat-Tron.

Nobody messes
with Captain Quasar's crew!

Ha!

[Pat-Tron marvels] Ooh!

[triumphant music plays]

Aw!

Wow!

What an episode!

What a battle!

Captain Quasar does it again!

I liked all the hugging!

Guys, you don't suppose

there's real Chicken Men
out there, do you?

[SpongeBob]
Of course not, Patrick.

They're just made up for TV,

like cartoons, or France.

[whimpers]

[cries in exaggerated
French accent]

Phew!

[announcer] Calling all
Captain Quasar fans!

Your presence is required

at the only Captain Quasar
fan club

in the tri-ocean area!

[all breathing heavily]

Beam over to our headquarters

in the back of
the comic book shop.

The next meeting

is on space-date 76359-1!

That's today, ya space cadets!

[all cheer]

[all] We gotta join
that fan club!

[all cheer]

[all panting]

Ooh! Look!

[angelic choir sings]

"Half Price Oil Change."

No, Patrick, it says,

"Hardcore Quasar Fans Only!"

I'm hard-boiled!

Oh! Hurry up, guys!

[all panting]

[all straining]

Greetings!

Welcome to the Official
Captain Quasar Fan Club.

I, Bubble Bass,
am president, obviously.

Harvey and Kevin
are co-secretaries.

[gentle, whimsical music plays]

We are always on the lookout
for new members!

However, judging by
your rather shabby cosplay,

I surmise you are fans
of the original Quasar series.

This fan club
is only for the reboot,

Captain Quasar:
The Next Iteration.

[panting heavily]

[flatly] They made
a new Captain Quasar show?

Indeed!

And it is
the far superior series!

Therefore, you won't be needing
any of this!

Now, to begin our meeting,

let's watch a clip
from the new show.

[intense dramatic music plays]

[grunts]

[thunderous expl*si*n]

[metallic dinging]

[growling]

[loud, shrill cluck]

[grunts]

Pat-Tron,
activate Mecha Pattern Alpha!

[rumbling loudly]

[whirring]

[scraping loudly]

[music intensifies]

Ahh!

[rumbling expl*si*n]

- [ding]
- [Quasar chuckles]

Dinner is served.

[VCR clicks]

So, wait, now Captain Quasar

is a giant robot show?

I thought it was about
exploring the universe!

It can be both!

Nope.

It confuses the premise.

I'm with Squidina.

Original Quasar, yay!

Reboot Quasar, nay!

I like the new one!

The robot is so handsome!

[Squidina] Fine!

You guys can have your club.

We're gonna start our own,

to celebrate
the original series!

Come on, SpongeBob.

Oh boy!

I'm super excited
for our new club, Squidina!

But, uh, where are we having
the meeting?

I thought we could do it
at your place?

Oh, I'd love to,

but Gary said he needed
the house to himself today.

[chitters happily]

[meows angrily]

[all meowing, yowling]

Hm... I know a place we can go!

Follow me!

[humming cheerily]

[Squidina] Whoa!

This place is a little tight,
SpongeBob.

True...
But it comes with snacks!

[both munching]

Let's start our meeting

with the Captain Quasar
secret club handshake!

[both] Quasar Cadets, blast off!

SpongeBob, what are you doing?

We're supposed to blast off!

I'm blasting off
as hard as I can!

- Whoa!
- [squeak]

Aww, my chips are caught
on some yellow thing!

Buy another bag,
it'll knock your chips loose.

- [coin clatters]
- [whirring]

Whoa! [grunts]

Aw! Looks like
I'll have to give it

the old new Quasar shake!

[SpongeBob and Squidina yelling]

Huzzah!

Free snacks!

- Woo-hoo!
- Woo-hoo-hoo!

[chanting] Quasar!

Quasar! Quasar!

[grunts, giggles]

[chanting woozily] Queasy!
Queasy! Queasy!

- [moans]
- [belches]

Well, we tried the only place
I could think of.

Looks like we have no choice
but to rejoin

their dumb old
new Captain Quasar club.

Oy!

Huh?

[SpongeBob] Wow!

They got the new Captain Quasar

to sign autographs?

Impressive!

I hate to admit it,
but it is impressive...

and it gives me an idea!

[all chattering excitedly]

Oh! I'm your biggest fan!

No, I'myour biggest fan!

Will you be my daddy?!

Listen, Eddie, I told you,
no more autograph shows.

I'm an actor,
not a calligrapher!

Well, look who's come
crawling back.

Ready to admit that

Captain Quasar:
The Next Iteration

is the best iteration?

Ha! Never.

Then why did you come
to our big celebrity signing?

We wanted to introduce you
to some old friends.

[distorted whirring]

What strange new world
have you brought us to?

The old-school Pat-Tron
and Captain Quasar?

Where on Earth
did you find them?

Not on Earth, in outer space!

I still had
their ship's coordinates

programmed into Patrick's
old time closet!

My what now?

Your time closet.

[prolonged silence]

It gives you access
to all of time and space?

[whimsical musical interlude]

Uh...

Doesn't ring a bell.

It was in your room,
at Mom and Dad's house?

Remember?

- [brain shouts]
- Oh yeah! I remember!

Who are "Mom" and "Dad"?

Anyhow, now that we've got
both Quasars

and both Pat-Trons here,

let's team 'em up
for a new series!

Just think of the exciting
adventures they could have!

They could bake a cake together!

Or solve a jigsaw puzzle!

Or read quietly by the fire!

Oh-h*-h*,
that does sound exciting.

Or instead, let's find out
who the best Quasar is

once and for all...

[all screaming]

[loud thudding]

by having them fight it out
in the Pit of Doom!

Uh, why does this place
have a pit of doom?

Duh! Every comic book store
has a pit of doom.

That makes sense!

Hey, Captain Quasar.

Those guys look exactly like us.

Are they clones?

Don't be silly, Pat-Tron.

They only kind of look like us.

That makes them...

evil clones!

Just like in "Clone Me Once,
Shame on You!"

Ooh, I love that episode!

Pat-Tron, attack!

[shouting]

[both whimpering]

Not the face!

[strained groaning]

[music slows comically]

Well, looks like
my Quasar is winning.

I'll begin gloating now
to get a head start!

[vocalizing smugly]

These clones are too strong,
Captain!

You may be right, Pat-Tron.

Time to use our lasers!

Wait, what?

You guys have reallasers?

[intense dramatic music plays]

[sobbing]

Victory, Pat-Tron!

Our evil clones are humiliated.

Let's get out of here!

[triumphant musical flourish]

[smugly] Ha-ha!

Woo! Uh-huh!

Uh-huh! Ha-ha!

Okay! Okay! You win.

I hereby declare
this Captain Quasar club

open to fans of all iterations!

[all cheering]

Holy mackerel, Captain!

An army of evil clones!

They must be multiplying.

Hurry, before they can
split again!

Just like in the episode
"Clone Me Twice, Shame on Me!"

[all exclaiming]

[all] Best fan club ever!

[quirky theme music plays]