01x08 - The Fast and the Furriest/Mascot Melee

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell
Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil
paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight
Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills
Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other
they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell
Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise ♪

- What's the word?

Am I clear?

- Looksbuenofrom here.

You are a go for

Operation Let's Hope
Raph Comes Back Alive.

- Would you
stop calling it that?

- A first-ever exploratory
expedition in daylight!

They are gonna name sewers
after you, pal.

- I fit right in
with all the mascots.

This hippo suit
works great in Times Square.

- Totally,
but for the record,

I still think my trench coat
idea would've worked.

- h*-h*, there's the store.

- Go get Splinter's
birthday gift!

Our eyes depend on it.

[lasers zapping]

- Time for today's training.

- [gulps]

- It's a little drafty.

- Oh, oh, no.
- Cover up.

- My eyes!

- That mole is
growing a mole.

- We gotta get him
a new robe.

- Who's up for jumping jacks?

[all screaming]

- Steady as she goes.

[funky music]

Old man on your right.
- [grunts]

- Kid on your left.
- Huh!

- He's got
peanut butter ice cream.

- Oh, no, your allergies!

Evasive maneuver!
Evasive maneuver!

- [grunting]

[humming]

Close one.

Oh, man, this is crazy cool.

First turtle to ever
skate through a crowd

totally unnoticed,
and his name is Raph.

[computer beeps]

- Video text from April.

[playful electronic music
playing]

April's memes are so lit.

- You know, I bet you think
I wouldn't like cookies

coming out of butts,
but it turns out I do.

[dramatic music]

- [grunts]
Sorry.

Uh, my bad?

- You got this, bud.

- Whoo-ha!

- Now go get that robe.

Our night terrors
end today.

- Yes.
What? No, no, no.

My wallet? My wallet!

[suspenseful music]

[accordion playing]

- [grunts]

- Oh!

Uh, excuse me.

Have you seen my wallet?

There's a skull on it

and a Teddy Bear Town
Frequent Buyer Card inside.

- Did he just say
he lost his wallet?

- No.

[whispering]
Have you seen my lost money?

- You did lose it!
- Oh, no.

- Well, you better find it.

- Why does a hippo
have pockets?

- Do not tell me
you left it in the lair.

- Where's the last place
you had it?

- Stop talking.
Stop talking!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[crowd gasps]

- [gasps]

[all yelp]
- Start the tank.

Start the tank!

- Uh, uh, yeah.

Uh...
[clears throat]

♪ ♪

- Your costume,
it's great.

You're the turtle-potamus meme,
right?

- What meme?

I mean yes, meme.
Yes, meme!

Uh, yes, that meme.

Which meme now?

[playful electronic music
playing]

Yes! Uh, I'm that.

There's nothing else in
the world I could possibly be.

[all sigh]

- You're the best
and cleanest

Times Square mascot
I've ever seen.

Here's my baby.

He loves memes.

- Uh, ma'am, you've misplaced

your $5 bill
directly into my palm.

- Roll with it, bud.

She's paying you
for the picture.

Keep working the crowd,

and maybe you can get back
all of our money you lost.

- Allegedly lost.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Ooh!

[laughter]

♪ ♪

[cash register dings]

- [screams]

- [grunts]

- Hear ye, hear ye,
people of Times Square,

the most famous turtle hippo
in the world is available

for pictures andquinceañeras.

- Nobody takes tourists
away from Atomic Lass.

I can't believe you guys
are falling for this hack.

Memes come and go, but we've
always been here for you,

for a small fee.

- [chuckles]

- Let's show these newbies
how we roll.

[jazzy showdown music]

- ♪ If you wanna make friends
you got to know your place ♪

- My hero, Atomic Lass,
may be about to sing.

- ♪ Don't step on people's paws
or they'll get in your face ♪

- Hey, that's not neighborly.
[grunts]

- ♪ If you do what we tell you
then you're gonna be fine ♪

- You really don't wanna
mess with me.

Ow!

- ♪ Or else
there'll be an oopsie ♪

♪ And I'll break your spine ♪

- No way.

Nobody messes
with Raph like that--

except for us.

Suit up!

Time to teach
those creeps a lesson

and earn that money back
for Pop's gift.

And we're gonna do it
Jupiter Jim style!

- I can't even
recognize myself.

- Jupiter Jim
turtle aliens, ahoy!

- Yes to all of that.
- Oh, yeah, let's go!

[beeps]

- [whistling
1987 Turtles theme]

- Remember to tip
Robot Vampire,

or she'll suck your blood.

And we'll spill yours

if you ever invade our turf
again, you puke.

- Ya!
- Hoo!

- Ha!
- Aah! What the--

- Jupiter Jim's turtle aliens

flying in to rescue
one of our own.

- Yeah!

- I can't believe
I'm this close

to my childhood idol,
Atomic Lass!

Oh, right,
bad guys.

Yeah, I'm on it.

- Show these folks how we
mascot downtown, Robot Vampire!

[sinister music]

♪ ♪

[bass-heavy electronic music
playing]

♪ ♪

- Mikey?

- Donnie?

- Activate music mode.

[fast hip-hop music playing]

- Time to go
to obedience school.

- Not fair bringin' a sword
to a chain fight!

- [grunting]

Now who's a bad boy?

You are.

[cheers and applause]

- [groans]

- [grunting]

♪ ♪

Ha!
- [gasps]

- Outta the way!

I get to dance with her.

♪ ♪

Coming at you!

[grunting]
- [laughs]

- Ha!

- [grunting]

- Whoo!
- Whoa! Whoa!

♪ ♪

- Any chance you and Atomic Lad
are splitsville?

[girls scream]
- [chuckles]

- Ah!
[crowd groans]

- You dance as good
as you cosplay, son.

- Hey.

Dance-pick on somebody
your own size.

[grunting]

Whoo, whoo-hoo!

♪ ♪

- Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs]

- [grunting]
[chuckles]

- Uh...

♪ ♪

- Bring it, you puke.

[tiger roars]

[crowd cheering]

[upbeat electronic music
playing]

♪ ♪

- Boom!

[chuckles]
It has been broughten.

Now let's go get Dad's robe.

- Give us the green, Green!

- [screams]

- [yells]

[screams]
- Sorry!

Gah, run!

[loud thud]

Oh, no.
No, no.

- Omigosh! You knocked
that lady's head clean off!

[dramatic music]

- You!
- Oh!

[electricity crackling]

- You stole my wallet!

It better still have
my Teddy Bear Town--hey!

All right, let's see what
your ugly mug looks like.

[grunts]
[crowd gasps and cheers]

- [shrieks]
- [yelps]

[both shriek]

[crowd screaming]

- Metamorphosis, that took
an unexpected left turn.

- [shrieks]

- You thought you were
the only mutants in New York?

- Look, all we wanted
was a little money

to buy our pops a gift.

- Boo-hoo.

Tell it to one
of your teddy bears.

- [gasps]

Don't you dare make fun
of Doctor Huggenstein,

Captain Snuggles, or Cheech!

[yells]

- Let's get everybody
their money back!

[all grunting]

- [groans]

[sighs]
- [roars]

[roaring]

[rock music]

- Lame!

- Spider shell, engage!

♪ ♪

- Ooh, wham, bam!
[chuckles]

You give robot vampire
c*ck a bad name.

Cowabunga!

- You are ruining
my childhood fantasy

of the two of us

fighting crime together
in Uraniumville.

♪ ♪

You left me no choice.

But we'll always have
Times Square.

- Hey! The creep's
got our money!

- [screams]

[all grunt]

- Boom!

Thank you, Times Square.

- Aw, what is this?

My sons, you honor me.

The silky smoothness against
my fur, unparalleled.

It is really exquisite.

I will save it only for
the most special occasions.

- What?
- What?

- Huh?
- Now, who's up for training?

As luck would have it,

I'm already wearing
my jumping jacks robe.

[grunting]