01x22 - The Evil League of Mutants

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise ♪

- Wahh. - Ugh.

- Ahh. - Ohh.

all: Ahh! Ugh!

- Okay. So that did not go as planned.

- Maybe not the result you wanted,

but the result I expected.

Ow.

- We are getting our butts kicked on an everything level.

- We've gotta do somethingto help.

They are scaring everyone out of the Bio-Dome.

And you know what a fan I am of experiential learning.

- Come on, Raph. Think of something useful.

- I'm sorry, did you just say that out loud?

- [sniffs] Do you smell that?

[all sniffing]

- Ahh! - Duck.

- More like crab.

Whoa!

- Ha!

h*-h*-h*-h*. Step one of our plan:

disrupt a school field trip.

- Step two: strike a pose.

Ha! We are nailing this introduction.

Hah!

- Come here, my little turtle.

Let me pinch your cheeks.

- How dare you take something as sweet as cheek pinching

and make it menacing?

- Taste my claw.

- Ha-ha-ha!

- Hang on. What's going on?

- Oh-hooo, yeah.

-Ugh!

[laughter]

- Leo. - [groaning]

- [grunting]

[all grunting]

- Mikey. - [groaning]

- Ahh! - Oh-h*-h*-h*.

- Crackin' like a boss.

- [laughs]

- Oh! Ugh!

- Raph.

- Get ready to get "claw-berd." [laughs]

- Ahh!

Whu?

[beeping]

[rapid beeping]

[steady tone]

- It's four against two, and you don't stand a cha--

wha--what is going on?

- That was not me.

[both grunt]

- What's going on?

- I don't know, but I really like the look of this spread.

- [slurping]

Augh!

- Give it to me.

Give it to...augh!

And now back to "Kondescending Kitchen."

- Augh!

both: Whoa!

- Augh!

- [groaning]

[all groaning]

- [sighs]

We can't keep failing only to luck out at the last second.

I know no one wants to hear it, but we need--

- Don't you dare say the T-word.

- Training.

[all groaning]

- What's training gonna do for us?

What we need is better mystic weapons.

Does anyone wanna trade?

- Mystic weapons or not,

we need to get better at... everything.

- [grunts] - Oh!

- When I look around at this room,

I see nothing but potential.

Who's ready to tap that potential, huh?

Huh? Take it up a notch? You?

Be the best of the best? Yeah?

[all groaning]

- Tap the notch. - Well...

- But who's gonna train us?

Who's gonna be our sensei?

- This is JJG coming to you live from the streets.

The abandoned New Jersey Carpe My Diem Market

is being renovated by the Escalera

family business group.

And coming up next, sports and weather.

- Master Splinter.

- I swear I've never been to Dallas.

- [grunts]

- Master Splinter, we need your help.

We need you to train us so we can be...heroes.

[dramatic music]

- [grunts]

- Glad you boys are back for some more formal training.

- Yes.

- It is not going to be easy.

I will break you down to your core, like a snowball.

Then I will build you back stronger, like a snowman.

Now, let us begin.

[grunts]

- Time to level up. - Yeah.

- Yes. - All of us say yeah.

- Oooh-ee-yah!

- Huh?

[dramatic music]

- Hot Souuup.

- First we will watch Lou Jitsu

in "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Dead Fish"

followed by-- - Are you serious?

This isn't training.

- This is absolutely training.

You are not ready for more than this.

Lesson one. W-W-L-J-D.

What would Lou Jitsu do?

- What? How is thinking like Lou Jitsu gonna help us?

- [exhales]

Lou Jitsu cares about you in many ways

that you will never know.

- What?

- This is the first and only time I will ever say this,

but Leo is right.

- Plus, we know all these fights by heart.

- Oh, well, excuse me.

I suppose you know the fight in "Little Jacob's Ladder"?

- [laughs] Do people even use ladders anymore?

Isn't there an app for that?

- We need more.

We're ready for the floaty wings to come off.

- We need real training, not whatever this is.

- Yeah, what are the odds that we ever fight in a fish market

or ladder factory?

- Lame.

- Well, look at you fancy-pants boys.

You think you know everything.

Well, let me tell you about, uh,

boys who know everything

- [groans]

- They don't. - [sighs]

- They should listen to their fathers,

who know everything.

- What do you even know about training anyway?

You're just a rat.

And we need a tiger.

- We're outta here.

- What?

- Which you already knew, 'cause you know everything.

- [stammers] No. You will go nowhere.

You are all grounded.

[together] What?

- And give me your weapons.

You don't deserve them.

[all groaning]

- [sniffing]

[sighs]

- Any you Muties know what's going on here?

I got a birthday cake that needs repossessing.

- Which one of you brought me here?

Who do I have to cut in half and then not bring together?

Augh!

- All I see is fresh meat for me to butterfly.

- Silence, "Meat Sweats."

[both cackling]

- I am the one who brought you here.

When I look around this room, I see nothing but potential.

Who thinks it's about time we...

[electronic whirring]

- Please, continue.

- [sighs]

We join together today for one simple menacing pur...

- Lemonade.

[dramatic music]

Hate to brag, but it has been called

both life-changing and dream-making.

Who wants some?

- What's going on here? Who is this?

- That would be Todd, sir.

Trust me, he's as bad as they come.

- I told you to get me the baddest,

meanest, most skull-crushy mutants,

and you bring me that guy?

- Lemonade. - [sighs]

Everyone at this table shares a common enemy.

We are here to destroy those Teenage Mutant Ninja Tur...

- [slurping] - Huh?

- Ahh.

- We are h... - Ahh.

- If everyone has... - Ahh.

- Okay, now... - Ahh.

- [groans] all: Ahh, ahh.

- [sighs]

Now, I brought you here... - Ahh.

- Argh. Enough.

I brought you all here because the Turtles, my creations...

- Love those guys.

- Are ruining my plans for yokaikind

to reclaim our place on the surface.

With your help, we can take them out,

and you can be free and finally become everything

I so badly want you to be.

- Ow. - Oof.

- Hey. - Oh!

- Now, who's with me?

- Excuse me.

I, Warren Stone, former anchorman

and their official greatest foe,

have a few questions before I join this ghoulish g*ng.

- I'm sorry. Who are you again?

- I have no idea.

- Why is one of his fists so big?

- Why is one of your fists so big?

[knock at door]

- Excuse me, sir. There's been a slight problem

with your credit card.

It's, uh, a cocoon.

- [grunts]

[cackling]

- Impressive.

- Small query.

How do you know so much about all of us,

and why do you keep saying you created the Turtles?

- I am-- - Glad you asked.

- We'll take it from here, boss.

[clears throat]

- ♪ He is the very model of a warring warrior scientist ♪

♪ He's mutated things from vegetable animal to cyclist ♪

- ♪ We want those little turtles to crush them ♪

♪ With our iron fist ♪

♪ From Brooklyn to the Bowery ♪

♪ He'll grind them into nothing mist ♪

- ♪ As a boss he is extremely caring ♪

♪ and at times quite passionate ♪

- ♪ Yet all they do is treat him ♪

♪ As their classic villain antagonist ♪

both: ♪ Our evil friend's here today ♪

♪ He has some exciting news ♪

Exciting news.

♪ Was thirteen years ago today ♪

♪ He made those turtles with the ooze ♪

all: ♪ Was thirteen years ago today ♪

♪ He made those turtles with the ooze ♪

♪ Was thirteen years ago today ♪

♪ He made those turtles with the ooze ♪

- ♪ At the Battle Nexus Draxum found himself ♪

♪ The perfect human fighter ♪

♪ He was the greatest champion ♪

♪ His abs there were none tighter ♪

- ♪ Mutating him was going to be ♪

♪ Nothing short of masterful ♪

♪ With warriors made from him ♪

♪ The Baron would be oh so powerful ♪

all: ♪ Mutating him was going to be ♪

♪ Nothing short of masterful ♪

♪ With warriors made from him ♪

♪ The Baron would be oh so powerful ♪

- ♪ The Turtles rejection of him is ♪

♪ Nothing short of blasphemous ♪

♪ In several social circles he is viewed as simply ♪

♪ Fabulous ♪

Fine. I guess I'll give them what they want.

♪ After I gave them life my lab was ♪

♪ Set on fire and destroyed ♪

♪ By a cheesy action hero whose movies I don't enjoy ♪

♪ So I presumed them lost and therefore I had ♪

♪ All but given up ♪

♪ Only to discover weeks ago that they in fact ♪

♪ Had not burned up ♪

♪ Now that you know their origins ♪

♪ It's time for us to make our plan ♪

♪ And yes we'll need the skills of everyone ♪

♪ Including Anchorman ♪

all: ♪ And yes we'll need the skills of everyone ♪

♪ Including Anchorman ♪

- [grunting]

- ♪ Now my friends the time is here ♪

♪ We mutants come together for a stand ♪

♪ Let's put a close on the first meeting ♪

♪ Of our merry little band ♪

♪ So join me in ending them our greatest foes ♪

♪ For I insist I am the very model ♪

♪ Of a warring warrior scientist ♪

all: ♪ So join him in ending them our greatest foes ♪

♪ For he insists he is the very model ♪

♪ Of a warring warrior scientist ♪

- Now for some unnecessary but highly

destructive violence,

my Evil League of Mutants.

[siren wailing]

[all sighing]

- Cowa-bummer.

Ugh.

- I can't believe he grounded us.

- I can't believe you guys snuck out,

and I had to come just to keep an eye on you.

- Don't worry. I've taken care of everything.

Dad will never know.

Hmm?

[grunts]

- Omigosh, check this out.

- Guys.

- All TVS accounted for.

And not a turtle in sight.

Let's roll.

- Here's are chance to get our train on.

Grrr. We don't have any weapons.

- If we can't beat Crab Men with weapons,

how would we beat these guys without them?

- If I can't put a smile on this crumb sandwich,

what hope do we have?

- Why can't something just fly out of the sky

and solve all our problems?

- [groans]

What's this?

- Magic-Saurus?

- The first robot-dinosaur-magician.

- One show only.

- Tonight in...

all: New Jersey?

- Free pizza?

This is the kind of mindless entertainment we need

to forget how Splinter grounded us. Boom.

[together] Yeah. Yes. Whoo-hoo.

- Are you sure we're in the right place?

- The flyer said it was in New Jersey.

- Welcome to New Jersey, Turtles.

- That's oddly specific.

- [grunts]

- Oh-h*-h*-hooo-kay.

- [laughs] We're sure showing Pops.

[laughs]

Sneaking out and chillin' in a fun,

totally-not-scary...

pitch-black warehouse.

Ahh!

- Oooooooooh, ambiance.

- Well, well, well, we meet again.

- Where's that voice coming from?

Wait, wait, don't tell me.

- You've all entered.

But none of you will exit.

Welcome to your worst nightmare.

- Baron Draxum?

- Woo-hoo, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Go-go-ay,

- Magic-saurus. Magic-saurus. Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Magic-saurus. Magicsaurus. - Wait a second.

This guy's a warrior scientist and a magician?

Talk about a triple threat.

- Boss, you didn't tell us you do magic.

We love magic.

- Can you turn Muninn into a bunny?

- Silence. The magic was a trick.

This is a trap.

[all gasp]

Breaking news: you're toast.

- Liver toast.

both: Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

- As an actual magician, I'm offended by this charade.

- I'm about to repo your lives.

- This is why you never go to New Jersey.

- One last chance, children.

If you join me, I can teach you how to maximize your potential,

be all that you can be.

What's your answer?

- You threw me off a roof.

- So that's a no to joining me then?

Fine. You reject me again for the last time.

Now your story ends.

- Wait a minute, is that Todd?

- Hey. How do you like my newfriends?

They are so serious.

I'm, like, what? And they're, like, arrgh.

And I'm, like-- - Enough.

Now your story ends. Attack.

- Abraca-pow.

Time to pay the man. - Don't let go. Don't let go.

- Turtle bones. - Uhhh...

all: Augh! Oof!

[loud expl*si*n]

- Oof! Oof! Augh!

- Augh! -Ahh! Ahh!

Ow! - Ugh!

[all groaning]

- Do you think Splinter's gonna be mad

that we didn't listen to him?

- Dad was right. And we were so mean to him.

- It was a pleasure serving with you guys.

- [sniffs] Do you smell that?

- Is it Raph's "facing impossible odds" stink?

- No. It's-- - Ladders.

It's the fish market ladder factory

we never knew we always wanted.

- W-W-L-J-D.

What would Lou Jitsu do?

- Splinter's training really did have a purpose.

- I guess Dad was right.

- Let's make him proud, boys.

- [cackles] Time to make turtle soup.

all: Yeah!

- Cowabunga! - h* h*-h*-h*-hooo!

- Yes!

- [grunting]

- Ha-ha.

[both grunting]

- That's too much flavor.

- Who needs mystic weapons...

- When you've got fish and ladders.

all: Ahh!

- Kick and punch. - Rings.

- And punch and kick.

- Huzzah!

I am Warren Stone,

your greatest foe and...

- Whoa.

[both grunting]

- Sleight of hand.

- Ahh!

- Magical razor rings.

Oh, that's magic.

Ahh!

- [laughs]

[grunts] - Oh!

[both grunting]

- Catch of the day: swordfish.

- Oh!

[groaning]

- Uh-oh.

- Augh!

- Oh! - What is happening?

How are they so good with fish and ladders?

all: Hot soup.

- Hot soup?

[mystical music]

♪ ♪

- Hot souuup.

♪ ♪

- Lou Jitsu? It can't be.

- Laddering like a boss.

- Yeah. - Oh-h*-h*.

- [grunts]

all: Augh!

[together] Ow! Oh! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Ooh! Ow!

Ahh!

- Wah!

[mystical music]

- Now that your minions are done,

let's tango, you sheep-looking--

- Where did you learn to fight like that?

- Oh. Only from the greatest action

film star in history...

[together] Lou Jitsu.

- How could you morons possibly know Lou Jitsu?

- His movies. Are you a fan too?

- Gah. No. I knew Lou Jitsu.

He was the greatest warrior in the Battle Nexus.

His human DNA combined with my Ooze

gave you life.

- Say what?

We have Lou Jitsu DNA?

- [gasps] You mean?

- Cowa--boy, am I speechless.

- Of course. It all makessense.

Cool.

- Yes, this is what I've been trying to tell you,

that you're destined for so much more.

- [groaning]

Omigosh. Lou Jitsu's our dad!

- Huh?

[together] Ha-ha-ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

- Oh, wow.

Leo, you kind of look like Lou Jitsu.

- I always knew I felt famous.

- Guys, guys, do I look like Lou Jitsu?

- [groans]

- I totally see the resemblance.

- Mm-hmm, yep, I see it too, yep.

- Our connection to Lou Jitsu is not just emotional;

it's biological.

- Enough.

If you four cannot see the true merit of your potential,

then I have no further use for you.

[cackling]

What the?

Ohh!

- Wait. We have so many more questions.

Ahh, ugh!

Leo!

- I swear to Pizza Supreme In the Sky that wasn't me.

Like, I don't even have my sword.

- Well, if it wasn't you, who was it?

- What's going on? Who brought me here?

[both cackling]

- Is this the sheep guy?

- Be cool. He's a waring warrior scientist.

- Sweet, triple threat.

- I will end both of you.

- Easy, easy. I think we just might

share some of the same goals,

like getting rid of those pesky Turtles.

- I'm listening.

[engine turning over]

[tires squealing]

[all grunting]

- Land safely.

- Hey, what's Pop's chair doing--

- Where have you been? I was worried.

Didn't I ground you?

- Yeah. And you took away our weapons.

- We're really sorry. - Oof!

- And--but we learned a really big secret today, all right.

We need-- - Me first.

Ugh, being a single parent is...um,

uh--uh, what I wanted to...

I--I--I did not mean to lose my temper earlier.

It is just that sometimes as a father--

- I can't let you finish that awkward parenting speech

when... Lou Jitsu is our father.

- Whuuuuuu? - Boom. Mind-splosion.

- Who told you? I mean, how did you--

- What Leo means is, Lou Jitsu is our human DNA.

- Well, then, I guess you know that I am in fact--

- I know this is a lot to take in,

but we just want you to know...

- That regardless of where our DNA is from,

you're still our dad.

- And we're sorry we didn't listen to you, Dad.

- Yeah, what they said.

- My sons.

- Group hug.

[together] Mmm.

- I wonder where Lou Jitsu is now.

- Wherever he is, I bet he's being awesome.

- [chuckling]