01x25 - Portal Jacked/Warren & Hypno, Sitting in a Tree

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise

♪ Cowabunga

♪ Rise of the

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise

[ominous music]

♪

- [growls] Hmm.

- [screams]

- Señor Hueso, you gotta help me.

- Certainly.

I will begin by teaching you how to leave. Bye-bye.

- But this is an emergency.

You won't believe what happened.

[piano trill]

- Oh, yeah.

- Gotta make it

to Run of the Mill Pizza before they close.

- Mmm, I can't wait to try

their new meatless option: Vegetable.

- Say no more,mis hermanos. - Huh?

- I'll use my ultrareliable portaling sword

to get us there.

Hachi machi!

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

[all screaming]

- Ugh! Huh?

[siren wails distantly]

Oy vey.

I came out fine, but when they came out, they didn't come out.

My brothers are gone.

- Ah, this sounds like a classic case

of porthole jacking.

- Uh, duh.

What's porthole jacking?

Hidden City pirates can steal the contents of a portal,

especially if the portal maker is, shall we say, lame.

- [chuckles]

You'll have plenty more chances to zing me

while you help me find my brothers.Vámonos!

- [sighs]

While I would like to help my favorite customer,

you're not him.

[angelic music]

And I do not go to the Hidden City.

Look on the bright side:

you'll get used to the crushing loneliness.

- Ugh, look, bone man.

My brothers and I buy enough pizza

to put Hueso, Jr., through bone college.

Have you seen our frequent buyer card?

[whimsical music]

- [sighs] Fine.

I will show you the way to the Hidden City,

but my help ends there.

- The Hidden City is in the trash?

- There are many doorways, but this one fits you best.

[compactor clunking]

- Sweet, in we go.

- No, no, I am not-- wha?

- [screams]

[both screaming]

- Ugh, ugh.

[groans]

Whoa, who's your architect, Frank Lloyd Gargoyle?

- You fool! You should not have brought me!

- Halt!

Hidden City Police!

- Hueso? How dare you show your skull here.

We're taking you in!

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Huh?

Gah.

- [grunting]

- Ah!

- You'll pay for this!

- I, Baron Draxum, humbly apologize!

- [panting]

- Señor Hueso, are you a wanted man?

- Yes! [screams]

- [chuckles]

You are full of surprises.

- You have no idea.

- [gasps]

- So long, amigo!

- Huh! - No, no, no, no, no!

- [chuckles]

- Do you have any idea how much danger

you have put me in?

- I do now, so where we goin'?

- Where the police dare not go.

- Splinter's laundry pile?

- Ugh! [groans]

- [whistles]

all: ♪ Yar har, yar har

♪ The baddest pirates by far, far ♪

♪ We takes your portal, it makes us chortle ♪

♪ Blah, blah, blah, blah

♪ We're pirates, not lyricists ♪

- Ooh, the docks. Interesting vibe,

sort of Cape Cod meets state prison.

- Okay, here is the plan:

you stay here, and I will find a way back to New York.

- Dude, let me say this

in a language you can understand: no.

I saved your tailbone back there.

You owe me.

- Okay,pepino, if this is the only way I get out of here

in pieces, I will give you what you need.

Come.

Do you see that one over there?

That one knows everything you need to know.

Now, you go show him who is the top dog.

- Hard as nails!

All right, pipsqueak, I'm top dog,

and you're gonna answer my questions.

- Huh?

- Huh?

- [growls] You hasslin' my gram-gram?

- He says he's top dog.

- [chuckles nervously]

- I'm top dog!

[dog barks]

- Ah! - [yells]

- Oh.

[groans]

Señor, I didn't do so good.

You are not ditching me here!

[adventurous music]

Get back here, you skinless coward!

You're gonna help me find my brothers.

- Estúpido.

[screams]

- Get in here.

[mystical music]

[both screaming]

You, you set me up!

- I did, yes.

- I ought to portal you right back to the cops.

- Hmm, with no sword?

- Uh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[screams]

Portal jacked again?

First my brothers, now my sword.

What's gonna happen the next time?

Oh, wait, there won't be a next time because I have no sword.

Oh!

- There, there. You will be fine.

Good-bye.

- I will not be fine.

There's no team with just a faceman.

I need my brainy guy and my smashy guy

and my "eats peanut butter with his fingers" guy.

I'm nothing without them.

You wouldn't understand.

I guess your heart's made of bone too.

Adios, Hueso.

- [sighs]

Pepino, wait.

I do know what it is to lose someone.

I will help you.

The theft of your sword might be a blessing in disguise.

This shop is known for selling stolen weapons.

The portal thieves may come here to unload your sword.

- There they are!

Bonehead, you're a genius.

Hot soup!

Yah!

- [grunting]

[chuckles]

Olé!

- [laughs] Oh!

Huh?

- The "Queen Alexis."

- That must be the ship where they've got my bros.

Raph, Mikey, I guess maybe Donnie,

I'm coming for ya!

- We'll need disguises to get onboard.

You went with two eye patches, eh?

- I think I know what I'm doin'.

Ugh!

So where's the ship?

- There!

- Sky pirates, you are goin' down!

[sword zinging]

- Wait, we need to formulate a...

[screams]

[both screaming]

Plan.

- Don't worry, my plan is to wing it.

- Oy vey.

- Yar, who be ye?

- Who be we?

We be yar ship's entertainment.

I'm Captain Bluemask,

and this is my hilarious sidekick, Jolly Roger.

Boy, Rog, you sure have lost weight.

- Please, do not do this.

- Okay, looks like somebody's lost his funny bone.

[accordion flourish]

[crickets chirp]

- That joke is so lame, it requires a peg leg.

[laughter]

- I get it!

- That was good. That was good.

But, remember, you're the straight man.

Boy, this Hidden City weather, am I right?

Speaking of which, what's the deal with portal jacking?

Anybody done any of that lately?

- That hits too close to home!

- I'm starting to think these two

are not a polished ventriloquist act.

- Hueso. - Huh?

- Piel! - It is Capitán Piel to you.

[triumphant musical flourish]

- Ew.

- Be careful, my crew.

It is the most wanted pirate in the Hidden City.

- Yar, right. [laughter]

- Wait a sec, you were a pirate?

Dude, you're killin' it today!

- I was never a pirate.

He tricked me into going on one mission,

and I'm forever branded a criminal in the Hidden City.

- You were such a coward,

you ran away from a basic plundering.

Ha, you should have heard his bones rattle.

- I was but a child!

But I fear you no more, hermano.

- [chuckles]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hermano?

You guys are--

- Yes, we are brothers.

One last chance, Piel.

Leave this life, and we can be brothers again.

- You know the old saying: skin and bones do not mix.

[laughing]

- [screams]

[adventurous music]

♪

- Avast, ye!

[laughing]

- [screams]

- Okay, maybe you're better off without your brother,

but I'm still gonna get mine.

- [laughs]

- [grunting]

Ah!

- Looks like you're done, matey.

- Oh? Not if I portal you to the Hidden City Police.

Hachi machi!

- Pepino, this has never worked.

- Ah!

[ethereal music]

♪

[all scream]

- Whoa, where'd you guys come from?

I mean, hey, check it out.

I freed you from your pirate prison.

You're welcome.

- Pirate prison?

- You portaled us to Tahiti.

- The sewers there are fabulous.

- Whoo-ha!

Come on, come on, come on, help us fight these guys.

- No, I want a refill on my coconut.

- Take us back to Tahiti.

- More Tahiti!

- It would get us out of this.

Okay, Tahiti, here we come!

[ethereal music]

♪

- Ah, no.

- [screams]

- Oh, is this Tahiti?

Well, then allow me to make a sand angel

in this lovely soft wooden sand. Ouch.

- Okay, not what I meant to do, but I got rid of the pirates.

[horn blaring] - You sure did!

- Huh?

- Uh, we were, uh, bravely surveilling the situation

and we saw what happened.

You're a hero, Hueso.

- Then I am off the most wanted list?

- Well, ya are now.

- Ah, gracias,pepino.

- No problem, bone man.

- What do you suppose has become of my brother?

- Oh, I guarantee I sent him to the worst place possible.

- And what is the deal with plundering, eh?

[laughter]

all: ♪ Birthday girl, it's your birthday ♪

♪ Birthday girl, it's your birthday ♪

- I don't know why you are even bothering.

I told you guys my birthdays are always a disaster.

It's cursed.

- Curse, smursh.

We are gonna birthday so hard,

you're gonna need a permission slip.

[loud crash]

[all groan]

- What was that?

[engine hissing]

- Ah!

- Oh, I guess the cannon works.

Power level, good.

Aim, needs work.

- Are you sure it's safe for my hair

to sh**t me out of this thing?

- Of course.

Magician's assistants have been shot out of cannons for years.

But if you're concerned,

we could go back to sawing you in ten.

- Newsflash: you actually saw me into tiny pieces.

It's incredibly painful.

- Well, you don't think it's painful,

me, cutting my roomie up?

I'm a mutant, not a monster.

[loud thumping]

They found us.

[suspenseful music]

- Play it cool.

- Hard to do without an air conditioner.

[rim shot]

- Nailed it.

- Ah, it was a great setup.

- Okay, give it to me straight.

How bad is the damage?

- Oh, it's, uh, not that bad.

- Oh, it's real bad,

real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real bad.

- See, I told you my birthday was cursed.

- Come on, relax.

This is just a mini bump in the road, a hiccup.

There's no way this night gets worse.

[expl*si*n]

[dramatic music]

- Ugh!

- Ah!

- What was that?

- [groans]

[dramatic musical flourish]

- Your gauntlet will be mine, worm man.

- Breaking news: the gauntlet stays with me!

[lasers zapping]

- Enough of this.

[dramatic music]

- Oh, ah, ooh, ah, oh!

Huh?

- Alakaboom!

[tinkling music]

- Take that, you horn-headed freak!

- Oh, my turtles, how very not nice to see you.

- April's birthday really is cursed.

- We cannot let her see this.

- Yeah, we gotta get out of here.

- [grunts]

- Real quick, we just need to take care

of this tiny, no-big-deal, non-life-threatening situation.

Then it's on to April birthday fun.

- Prepare to fire some cool weapons!

- Which ones?

- All of them.

- Okay, who is that, and how'd he get in here?

- [gasps] Hold the phone!

You're Warren Stone.

I'd recognize that hair anywhere!

- Why, yes, I am.

Are you a Stonehead?

That's what I call my fans.

- Member since ♪

- Excellent.

Now by the power vested in me by my own fan club,

I'm deputizing you to get my hippo roomie back.

- Where's my roommate/friend/ magical assistant?

- Surprise! We don't have him.

Uh, they have him.

Double surprise.

- Get off my console!

- I'll save you, Warren!

Ah!

- No!

Give him back!

- Oh, no.

[expl*si*n]

- Wha?

- Warren!

- Hypno!

- Warren!

- Hypno!

[all screaming]

[ominous music]

- Oh.

- What does this thing do, and why does Draxum want it?

Hmm? Hmm?

- I don't know, but it's amazing.

I call her Charlotte.

She's like a toupee but for your fist.

- The gauntlet is part of the dark armor.

We cannot let Draxum have it.

So now to do some light removing

of a thing attached to another thing.

- What the? Donnie!

- It's fine. He regenerates, remember?

- Uh, no.

[flames roaring, metal clanking]

- Stop! This is a sign.

Maybe this is finally the year my birthday is awesome.

- Because we've got a worm man tied to a pole?

You need to raise your standards.

- This is my birthday,

and Warren Stone is the GOAT of news anchors.

We've gotta help him get his friend/roomie/it's complicated

back from Baron Draxum.

It's my birthday wish.

[all groan]

- You're invoking B-day rights on him?

- He might be a villain, but so is Baron Sheep Man,

and the enemy of your enemy is a--monster!

- [squeals]

[all scream]

- [squeals]

- Is that a note from Draxum?

- What, he couldn't send an email?

- "Give us the gauntlet or your kiwi friend

"becomes a smoothie.

"Let's not be tacky and avoid a violent exchang...ie.

Love, Huginn and Muninn."

- You guys, we gotta help 'em.

- Hard pass.

- [whimpering] [soft music]

- I know I'm a famous worm villain, but I need your help.

When news fame left, so did everyone I knew.

I was alone. I had nothing,

until I met a magician turned hippo,

and my life changed.

For my birthday, he baked me a tiny cake

and then magically jumped out of it.

He almost crushed me when he slipped on frosting.

He's my brother. He's my--

- Fine. All right. Just please stop.

We'll get your roomie back.

[dramatic music]

- [muffled groan]

♪

- Tonight's top story: I'm here to make your trade, Draxum.

- Good.

Now hand over the gauntlet.

- [muffled] It's a trap!

- I love you too.

We could do that, or I could make you an even sweeter offer.

- Ooh, like what?

- A lifetime supply of gum?

- No.

- How about your mutant loser turtles?

I brought them right here.

- Wait, did he just give us up?

♪

[all groan]

- Betrayal!

I feel like we should have seen that coming.

- How could you do this? And on my birthday.

I was the vice president of the Stoneheads.

- [exhales]

And he thanks you for your service.

- [chuckling] Whoa.

You drive a hard bargain.

But it's a deal.

Free him. - Ah!

[groans]

- Tonight's headline:

best friends reunited and it feels--

- I'm so sorry.

It was the only way he'd let you live.

- Huh?

- Oh, mezmeroo!

Oh, give them the gauntlet, my golden voiced amigo.

- Oh, man, a double betrayal.

Did not see that coming.

- You get the gauntlet and the turtles

and Warren lives.

That was our deal, right?

- Yeah, no. I lied.

- Huh? Ah!

- Triple betrayal!

Everybody's on fire tonight.

- But you said-- you promised.

- Only a true genius could choreograph

this many betrayals and double-crosses.

- I mean, it was a total team effort.

- I am blushing.

- I was talking about me, you idiots.

Now, time to do some light removing

of one thing attached to another thing.

- [grunts]

[rings zinging]

- Classic April O'Neil birthday:

trapped in a cage, betrayed by my idol,

and facing certain doom.

- Look on the bright side: we're trapped in a cage

having been betrayed by your idol

facing certain doom together.

[crickets chirp]

Hey, I'm tryin' my best here.

- Huh? - Hmm?

- Ta-da!

Wait, almost there.

A little higher. To the right. Hold on.

And, yep, you're there.

Allow me to help.

- Okay, cowboy,

I don't know what kind of double triple betrayal

you've got planned, but we're not interested.

- I've got nothing up my sleeve.

I promise.

- Ah! - Oh!

- Please, you must save Warren.

Look, I--I'm a terrible roomie.

I--I--I cheat on the chore chart.

He pretends not to notice, but he does. I know he does.

[poignant music]

♪

- I just can't quit you, Warren Stone.

- To be clear, we're doing this for April

because it's her birthday.

[dramatic music]

[saw whirring]

♪

- [groans]

- Step away from my roomie.

- I've got him! I've got him! Let's go!

Ah!

♪

- Little help here.

♪

[all grunting]

- Huh? Ah!

- We can't stretch him any further!

- [whispers] April O'Neil.

- Ah!

[all scream]

- Oh. Huh?

[whimsical musical flourish]

Mmm.

- Finally another piece of the dark armor.

Ew, gross.

- New victory dance. - With extra butt action.

- Whew.

- How'd you know about our old trick?

- What old trick?

- [screams]

[loud pop]

I'm fine.

Charlotte, my power!

You've made a grave mistake.

You are on my list.

- It was you or the gauntlet.

And to some, well, you're kind of a big deal.

- I will haunt your dreams.

[gentle music]

- That's my Warren.

Oh, it's good to have you back,

roomie/magical assistant/ friend.

[smooches]

Doves!

Let's go make fun of game show contestants on TV.

- April, so about your birthday.

[chuckles]

We're really sorry we weren't the ones

to break the curse and, uh--

- Happy birthday.

- Uh...

Best birthday ever!