01x33 - Cloak and Swaggart/Jupiter Jim Ahoy!

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise ♪

Camping! Camping! Camping! Camping! Camping!

- Boys, we leave for intense survival training

in exactly one minute!

- Survival training?

I thought we were going camping.

- It's just like camping, only you learn which bugs

are the yummiest and how to drink your own sweat.

[all groaning] - Fine!

- Thanks, April and Sunita,

for holding down the fort while we're gone for what

I formerly thought was gonna be a fun weekend.

[groans]

- Don't forget to change Shelldon's coolant

thrice daily. That means three times.

And give him a little skritch behind the ears.

Ears can be found here, here, here, and here.

- Don't worry. We got you covered.

- Boys, in the Tank!

Let's go, let's go, move it, move it.

both: Girls night!

- Can we at least make s'mores?

- You will make s'nothings!

- Hey Donnie, what's this new button?

- No, don't!

[whirring, clanging]

- -hour lockdown initiated.

- Dude! - [growls]

- And now we are trapped in here.

- Hey, you know Raph loves giant buttons!

[chanting] Sauce that hog!

Sauce that hog! Sauce that hog!

- Seriously, the Barbecue Channel?

This is not what I had in mind for girls night.

- April, shh! They're about to sauce the pig.

- Sauce that hog!

- [chanting] Sauce that hog!

Sauce that hog!

- [groans]

- Sauce that hog! [beeping]

- Nice! - Sauce that hog!

- DIGG's doing a secret concert downtown.

We are going! - You don't wanna see this?

It took these mountain men six months to craft that sauce.

- You need more than barbeque TV in your life, girl.

Grab your cloaking brooch and let's go!

- Let us rock and roll!

[rock music]

- ♪ Pizza pit much, munch, munch ♪

♪ In the pizza pit ♪

♪ Eat some crust eat some crust ♪

- Whoo! I'm floating on a sea of fingers!

- Sunita! Your cloaking brooch!

- My cloaking brooch!

That was a gift from my Grand-Googly!

- We gotta hunt down the jerk who stole it.

- Too bad your Turtle friends are off in the woods.

- Help, April!

- Sunita! - Let us out!

[silence]

- I'm tank-aphobic! Help!

[shouts]

- Why did I soundproof the tank?

- I'll try the horn!

[horn blasting]

[silence]

- Why did I soundproof the garage?

- We don't need 'em!

I know New York better than anybody!

If anyone can get your brooch back,

it's me, April O'Neil!

Rumor has it, any brooch stolen in the tri-state area

eventually ends up going through here.

- Whoa. The Brooch District.

- Hey, yo, Brooch man.

I'm looking for a very special kind of brooch.

One that someone may or may not

just have tried to sell to you

on account of its specialness.

Wink, wink.

- Look kid, my clients expect a certain level of discretion.

You think I'm just gonna tell you the brooch was bought

by some big guy with a thick neck and an upturned nose,

in a paper hat on his way to Channel in a late model

charcoal gray stretch limo?

Oh no, no, no, no. You ain't gettin' nothin'

from ol' Loose Lips Malinowski here.

Schmoo, schmoo.

- See, what'd I tell you?

April's got your back.

And we didn't need to bother the boys

on their serious training mission.

- [shouting]

- [grunting]

- [groaning]

[all groaning and shouting]

- Do your thing, Googly-girl.

- Party! - [shrieks]

[groans]

- Maybe it's not worth it. I mean, I want my brooch,

but I can't risk being seen in my Googly-form.

- Come on. Would April O'Neil

get her good friend Sunita into a pickle?

Answer at .

- Who are you?

- Oh, I'm the, uh... new weather person,

April O...Nimbus?

We've got sunny skies inland but, uh-oh,

looks like some rain clouds coming in on the coast

and a pair of...eyeballs hovering over New Jersey.

Better wear your... rain goggles!

For Channel Six weather, this is April O...

Nimbus! Signing off.

- I like your stuff, kid. Tell Mel Niño he's fired.

- We've got an emergency at the hit cooking show

Kondescending Kitchen!

Our a*usive host Guy Flambé is missing!

And some even meaner guy is trying to take his place!

- What? - I said...

[gasps] - Okay, okay, let's go.

[all yelling in panic]

- My brooch!

- Where's Flambé?

- He's a bit tied up at the moment.

- [muffled grunting]

- [whistles] I meant that literally.

[all gasp]

- This is bad. - What?

- That's Meat Sweats. He's a crazy dangerous mutant

and thanks to me he's using your Grand-Googly's brooch

to disguise himself!

- That's right, dears.

Rupert Swaggart has returned

as your beloved reviled host of Kondescending Kitchen!

Applaud me!

- But what about that freak accident that made you look--

monstrously piggish?

[all gasp]

- [squealing]

- Hollywood magic.

The details of my demise were greatly exaggerated.

Look at me boat race. All sorts of handsome is me.

[all cheering]

Now that I'm back behind the counter,

what time is it, friends? It's time to...

all: Unleash the flavor!

- I don't know about this, April.

Maybe we should just leave? - Not a chance!

I'm not leaving you exposed like this.

I promised I'd get your Grand-Googly's brooch back,

and I will.

- Contestants, bring your entrees to me

and I shall tell you how much they offend

my classically trained palate.

- Chef, for you today I've made a simple risotto

with a touch of unleashed flavor.

- Nobody likes a suck-up...

except for me.

[groans]

[shouting]

What is this wretched flavor?

- Oh, it's just an old family recipe called...

too much hot sauce!

- [groaning]

My pristine palate!

[all gasping]

- [snorts] - I got it!

Let's go!

[all screaming]

- My face! My gorgeous face!

[snorts]

Technical difficulties!

Stay tuned!

[all cheering]

[exhales]

[growls]

- This way! - [growling]

[snorting]

[both yelling]

[growling]

- I'm so sorry, Sunita.

None of this would've happened if I hadn't dragged you out.

I'm the worst.

- Are you kidding me? You're amazing.

Sure, you convinced me to go to that concert

where I got robbed, and then you took us to that

seedy part of town and then came here and unleashed

a seven foot mutant pig who wants to filet us,

but this has been one of the most exciting

nights of my life.

[laughs] - [growls]

- Uh-oh!

both: Bite-sized bash!

- [grunting]

- This is way more fun than that barbecue show!

- Barbeque show! Great idea.

Just need to get past this pig.

April...

O'Neil!

- Oh!

- Hmm...

[shouts] Ah!

[laughs]

[shouts]

[both shouting]

- End of the line, lassies.

Enough's enough.

- Is it? [sniffs]

Do you smell that, Sunita?

- [sniffs] I sure do.

- I want the cloaking brooch

and I will not be stopped.

Huh?

- Mmm, look at this little piggy wiggy!

- That's some prime swine!

Get me my slicing blades.

[all chanting] Sauce that hog!

- Wait, wait! At least soak me in brine

before you cook me! I have a recipe!

Oh, horseradish.

both: Best girls night ever!

[beeping] hour lockdown complete.

[all groan]

[cheering] - We're free!

- Yay! - Yes!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - [sobbing] Why?

- We're free, we're free!

- Back already? How was your trip?

Hey, what's this brand-new giant button do?

all: No, no, no, no, no!

- hour garage lockdown activated.

both: Girls night two!

- [laughs menacingly] Lou Jitsu, you are finished!

For we are fifty and you are just one!

- Ah, that's what you think. For Master Greenberg,

before he was eaten by a horse, taught me...

the Man Punch!

Hot...soo--

- Oh, oh, a fun trivia fact about this scene--

- No! - What are you doing?

Play the punch!

[all chanting] Punch! Punch! Punch!

- I thought you'd enjoy some inside tidbit info

from your movie hero...me.

[all chanting] Punch, punch, punch!

- Whoever said never meet your idols never met me.

Am I right boys?

I can still remember every stuntman's name.

Ryker, Chad, Wilder,

the Brian twins,

Kris with a K, Josh...

- Is it just me, or was Lou Jitsu a lot cooler

before he was our dad?

- [gasps] Good Galileo!

The original Jupiter Jim is gonna be at Galaxy Con!

- Marques Moncrief?! He's my all-time favorite

actor slash role model slash father figure.

- I am standing right here.

And really? Marcus Moncrief?

That guy couldn't hold my lobster bib.

- Hey, we should get him to sign our special edition

Jupiter Jim ,!

- To the comic book safe!

- Hmm...Kris with a K would never treat me like that.

- Begin voice-match I.D.

- We don't have time for this!

- Voice not recognized.

- Bootyyyshakr. [chuckles]

- Access granted.

[all gasp]

- It's beautiful.

- Galaxy Con.

The one place we fit right in.

- Now, if the masses puncture the mylar, save the comic--

leave me behind, but build statues to my sacrifice.

- Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

It's him.

- Uh, Mr. Moncrief?

- [chuckles] Looks like I'm being invaded.

Last warning, Turtle Alien scum,

get off this planet!

- He's doing the movie!

Prepare to be blasted, human!

- Jupiter Jim's prime directive

is to maintain interplanetary peace,

and if you pose a threat to that I say...

"Jupiter Jim ahoy!"

all: Pew, pew, pew!

- Finger lasers, finger lasers, finger lasers!

- Pew! Pew! Pew! - [groans]

Jupiter Jim fake blastered me.

I can die now.

- Excuse me, um, Mr. Jampeter Jupe.

[chuckles] I mean, Jampiter June...

Ah, I mean, fans...we is.

- What my brother's trying to say is

we're your biggest fans, Mr. Moncrief.

- We are so happy to meet you, ohh.

- But not happy to eat you, as they said

in "Jupiter Jim and Shark People of Planet Shark."

- Impressive.

Say, how'd you Reptilians like to see the harpoon ray

I dispatched those Shark People with, hmm?

I have it at my headquarters.

- [gasps] - Uh, like come to your house?

- Raph, when the single greatest actor in the history

of low budget sci-fi invites you to his headquarters,

you say yes!

Yes!

- Okay, then. Shall we?

Jupiter Jim...

all: Ahoy!

- Can somebody cover me? I'm all out of earth dollars.

Welcome to my humble abode.

all: The S.S. Starbolt!

- Wow!

- [gasp]

- [laughing]

- This place is so mint, I wish I could wrap it up

in a mylar sleeve.

- Oh, it's beautiful. The only thing Splinter

ever showed us was Lou Jitsu's old chest wigs.

- Yeah, those were lame. And itchy.

- Whoa, the Captain's Chair!

- Welcome aboard the Starbolt.

- Wait a minute, did he just change

into a Jupiter Jim costume?

- He's giving us the ultimate fan experience.

And this ultimate fan is loving every second of it.

- You rock, Mr. Moncrief.

- Call me Jupiter Jim.

Now, how about that harpoon ray?

- Solar Sabers, Stidgian Thumb cuffs,

Deltaroid t*rture sticks! Oh-h*-h*!

Gentlemen, if you need me,

I will be living inside this cabinet.

[grunts]

- Here she is. Who wants a go?

- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

[groans] - [yelps]

- Whoa, uh, Mr. Jim,

wasn't that laser a little, uh, real?

- I was almost incinerated!

Cool.

- Sorry. I'm not worthy to handle

your surprisingly real space laser.

- I'll say. I should never have given

such a weapon to the scourge of the galaxy!

[inhales] Keep it together, Jim.

Another misstep like that and you're toast!

- Well, uh, thanks for the tour,

but we should probably be going.

- No, I'm not going back to what's-his-rat.

I want to see his, um his...

- Hall of victories!

- Yeah.

Can't leave without seeing this, fellas.

- [laughs]

- That, yes!

Splinter's only got a Hall of Dirty Robes.

- You guys go ahead.

I'll initiate the comic signing protocol.

- Yeah, I'll, uh, supervise.

- Behold, a testament

to my greatest intergalactic victories.

- [squeals]

"Jupiter Jim and the Robo Bloodsuckers!"

- Ah, that's the desert where you thumped the Kangaroolians!

And--and--and that's Crushasaurus Mech!

- Wanna see something really special?

- "Jupiter Jim on Planet Reptilia!"

- Wow!

- You look right...at home.

- [groans]

- The Jupiter Jim Nerve Pinch is real?

You paralyzed him-- do me do me!

- Sure, thing, pally.

- I don't know, something about this dude

is creeping me out. Let's just get the autograph

and jet, all right?

- Do not rush me.

Exposing interior pages to the elements could impact

its Ultra-Mint Condition.

- He's got some cool stuff, though.

I mean, this statue really looks like his

red panda sidekick, Red Fox.

Ah, it blinked!

- I'm sure it is merely an optical illusion caused by--

Oh no! - [shouting]

- Help me.

- She's...she's alive!

They're all alive!

Moncrief thinks he's the real Jupiter Jim!

And these poor fans are real villains!

[gasps] Leo and Mikey!

Where's Moncrief?

- Jupiter Jim Ahoy!

[both screaming]

- Hand over our brothers, Moncrief!

- Moncrief? [scoffs]

That's just an Earth name I use to lull villains

such as you into a false sense of security.

Then, pow!

Jupiter Jim neutralizes the threat and once again

keeps the galaxy safe from evil.

- Oh, I see. You're full-on crazy.

Donnie, you go get Leo and Mikey.

I'll handle this space case.

- Leo, help me! You're the super fan.

- Answer...in...comic.

- Yeah, right, uh-huh, you cannot possibly

be suggesting I expose this mint condition

Jupiter Jim , to the elements!

- Donnie!

- Can't we just get new brothers?

all: Donnie!

- Okay, okay.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Mint, gah! Near mint.

[groans] Fine, oh!

Very good--no, I can't look!

Jupiter Jim's Nerve Pinch reverse technique!

- We're free!

- But at what cost?

- Um, little help over here!

- One down!

- You'll never catch the rest of us, Moncrief.

Come on guys, let's-- - [groans]

- [laughs menacingly] Take that, alien scum!

I will protect this Earth from all evil.

- If he thinks we're real aliens,

let's be real aliens.

Freeze, Jupiter Jim

or I will blast you with the Invisible Blaster from,

um, Seti Alpha Nine as seen in

"Jupiter Jim and the Invisible Blaster from Seti Alpha Nine."

- Egad! Don't sh**t!

[both grunt] I should've planned

for your devious reptilian cunning.

- Now, it doesn't have to be this way.

For Centulons our species have been at w*r,

but the one thing I know Jupiter Jim values

above all else

is interplanetary peace.

- That is my prime directive...

- And peace begins with a hug.

What do you say? Bring it in, bro.

[yelps] - Peace, ahoy.

- Little mustard on that hug, but all good.

- Now that our species have a tenuous alliance,

I'll be seeing you around the galaxy.

- I would love that.

- Peace wins the day.

But I'll be watching you.

- Uh, guys? Just wanted to point out that

these "villains" are actually regular people in costumes!

Just wanted make it clear so we're all on

the same page moving forward.

- Until we meet again!

- [sighs] How I miss my spandex onesies.

- Ah, right where we left you.

- Oh, uh... [clears throat]

Hello, sons.

How was your day hanging out with Jupiter Jerk?

- Eh, it had its ups and downs. But who needs that guy?

As far as we're concerned, we live with our hero.

Our non-kidnap-y hero.

- Yeah, tell us about that stuntman again.

- Oh, Chad! [chuckles]

What a prankster.