02x03 - Heavy

[bunniefuu]

And then, you know,

and then John came to me and he
said, "You know, I love this."

"You know, we should call
that song 'Get f*cked'."

And I was like, "No, we
should call it 'Get Back'."

So, that's what we
did. Yeah, yeah.

That's an anecdote
from me, Sir Paul,

you know, the
greatest ever Beatle.

Still alive. The only one.

Apart from Ringo,
but no one cares.

- That's his voice.
- Oh my God, Ash!

- Oh, whoa, you right, mate?
- Ash, have you seen this?

- Wait.

- Oi, we could have
been doing anything.

No, I heard what you
were doing. The voices.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Oh, righto.
- Oh, whoa, okay, boobies.

Oh, no, look, it's nothing
he hasn't seen before.

Really? You two?

- Oh, mate...
- Mate, a million years ago.

Ancient history. Ancient Greece.

- You've got to look
at it. Look at it.

- Okay, Ash, Ash, look at this.

- What are we...?
- I wouldn't say

that I was a Christ
figure necessarily.

Oh, this guy's f*cked.

I do...

I do...

Actually, yeah.

Oh my God.

- Is this now?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm the only one asking him anything.
There's like four people watching.

Well, f*ck' stop it.
Does he know it's you?

- Nup. Wait, I got one.

Do I get eczema?

Oh, that...

Look, I do sometimes get a slight
heat rash on my upper thighs

- after a typical shower.
- Mate.

Don't tell us that.

- Lee.
- More questions, please.

Honestly, you can
ask me anything.

I mean, was it just the once?

- What?

Was it just the once that
he got eczema? Ask him.

Mum, is Lee with you?

Yes, he's upstairs. Why?

He's doing a live Ask Me Anything.
I thought he was off the internet.

Oh, he's only allowed on
for 20 minutes, darling.

He's been on for hours, Mum.

It's embarrassing.
Megan's f*cking with him.

Lee?

Lee!

I... I'm busy!

G'day! Strange man.

There's... strange man.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm not strange.

I've, ah... got the rock key.

Oh. Mum, I've gotta go.

I'll stay on the line. Have
you got your r*pe whistle?

No, no. It's okay.
I'll call you later.

Look, if you can't speak,

say, "Yes, bananas
are in season,

and I know a very good farmer."

Mum, that is way too long.

I'll call you later. Bye.

Sorry. I'm Heavy.

Flash's brother.

- Oh...
- Okay?

- Right?
- Oh... right...

Come on, bring it in.

- Oh, all right. Hey.
- Hey.

Yeah...

- Good?
- Yes.

Okay.

- Yeah.

All right. So, you're
the cleaner, are you?

Place looks fantastic.

- No.
- Oh, okay.

So, ah, Gordon's actually
at work right now, so...

Oh, is he?

Ugh, f*ck. He's got
a mind like a sieve.

He is expecting me.

- Is he?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Is he?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And you said
your name's Heavy?

Alistair.

- Oh.
- Stair. Stairway.

Stairway to Heaven.

Evanesce.

- Heavy.
- Ah.

Also, "He Ain't Heavy,
He's My Brother."

Works on a few levels.

So many levels.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- It's pretty cool.
- Yeah.

Yeah...

Okay.

So, if you thought I was the
cleaner, why'd we hug for so long?

- Or at all?
- Yeah, I know, right?

- So crazy.
- It is crazy.

Yeah. Why did we?

I don't know. Just...

felt like the right thing to do.

And, you know, I thought
you were the cleaner.

So, yeah.

The place looks great.

Yeah, good job.

Well, no.

But yeah.

So, in two days, I go home
and he goes to Wollongong.

It's called birdnesting.

One week on, one week off, and
the kids stay in their routine.

Sounds intense.

No, raising three kids with
a guy you don't love anymore

No, raising three kids with
a guy you don't love anymore

who's trying to break into
musicals, that's intense.

- Right.
- This is just a pain.

So, does Meggles go
home with you, or...?

- No, that would be weird.
- Weird?

No, she... she goes back
to her home, and then...

And then it's back to Gordon's
Halfway House for New Lesbians?

Yeah, if that's okay.

- Oh, mate. It's more than okay.
- Okay.

- I love it.
- Do you?

How long is this
arrangement gonna go on for?

- Well, I just...
- Shh!

My apologies, Your Honour.

I'm not a judge.

I'm a mediator.

Call me Allan.

Yes, Allan.

I told you, Brett, this is not a
court. Why'd you bring a lawyer?

Uh, please direct your
speech towards me.

I will be speaking
for my client.

Thank you.

How much are you
paying this joker?

Mum, Dad, I don't
have to move out.

- I have squatter's rights.
- That's right.

Squatter's rights don't
apply here, Brett.

Well, we tried.

Can I just say at this juncture,

full respect on the
Kevin Bacon move.

That was pretty lit.

Um, but please be aware that we
are speaking with Grant Denyer

for a response.

Are we?

Yes. Big time, man.

Oh, what?! Shh!

- You shush.
- You shush.

- You shush.
- You shush.

What's wrong?

My brother's at my house.

Oh. What's he doing in Sydney?

He's going to Vegas
tomorrow for a "conference".

Ugh, gross.

Yeah, I don't need to be here for
two customers. I'm going home.

- Are you serious?
- Yes.

I'm not leaving Ash at home with
my brother. He's a sh*t-stirrer.

He'll get me into trouble.

- Hey, can I get a lift?
- Hurry.

- Hey, Brett.
- Shh!

- No! You're closing up!
- What?!

Apologies, Your Honour.

Sorry, it's a bit messy.

Yeah, but we can move
all the boxes, obviously.

Oh, yeah, thanks,
that'd be great, love.

I've got an urgent
meeting with a slick

brown dog, if you
know what I mean

- Oh yeah, no worries, I'll do it.
- Yeah.

All right.

Mmm...

No...

Okay, so you're the dog girl.

Ah, right. Yes.

- Ashley.
- Mm.

Ashley. Right, okay.

So, you guys hanging out much?

I'm his girlfriend.

Flashlight's got a girlfriend?

f*ck' hell.

Yeah. Has he...

He hasn't mentioned that?

Huh. Are you guys exclusive?

Yeah.

Ooh, you didn't sound
too sure on that one.

I'd run that one by him.

- He's pretty stealthy.
- Is he?

Yeah, well, they don't
call him Flash for nothing.

"Flash Gordon," he...
is what he said.

No!

It's 'cause he's as flash
as a rat with a gold tooth,

that's why they call him Flash.

Really?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

Yeah, well, you know, as a
happily married man of 18 years...

I've lived my entire fantasy life
vicariously through my brother.

I've lived my entire fantasy life
vicariously through my brother.

- So.
- Right...

But don't worry, he
doesn't send me pics.

Anymore.

Not of you.

- Yet.

Hello.

Flashlight!

- Hey. Hey, Colin.

- I'm just going upstairs for a bit.
- Oh, okay.

- How's it going?
- Mate, what's going on?

You never confirmed whether
or not you were coming.

Oh, "confirmed".

What, I'm your brother. What,
I gotta announce myself?

- Yes, mate, you do.
- Oh, come on.

Oh, Heavy, you loser.

Chi-Chi, what's
going on, you bogan?

- A lot.
- Hey?

What's going on?
Why'd Ash go upstairs?

I don't know.

You never told me she
was your girlfriend, hey.

Nice.

Send us a pic, you c**t.

Hi.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

Thanks for making
room for Heavy.

No worries.

Cool.

Bit of a full house tonight.
Wish it was just us.

Oh well.

Oh well.

So, you're not mad?

Should I be mad?

Nup. No.

All good.

Oh, quick... just
while I've got you.

Yeah?

Are we exclusive?

Yes... what do you mean? Yes!

Of course we are.

You... you live
here, Ash. What...?

Why?

No, nothing. Nothing.

Just... just wondering.

Yeah, Ash, of course.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You look beautiful, by the way.

What is that you put on?

Just now? Um...

Mascara.

- It's pretty.
- Thank you.

Like your dress.

It's a skirt and a top.

Right, yeah. No, it's good.

Is it new, or...?

- Nup.
- Nup?

Have you lost a bit of weight?

Nope.

Not that you needed to.

Not that you do need to, or that
you did need to if you have.

But if you haven't,
you look great now.

Like, you don't need to
lose... But it doesn't matter!

Like, you don't need to
lose... But it doesn't matter!

Like, you look great
to me at any weight.

Like, you could balloon
and I'd be fine.

Like, you could...
you could get massive

and I'd be fine.

Because it's about...

But it's also, like, you could
afford to put on a little bit,

and I could, you know...

Not that you need to!

But... and you don't
need to, like...

- Can you get out?!
- Yeah.

Yeah, so, look, I'm not
condoning what he did.

- Oh, good.
- But the music's undeniable.

Hey. Hey, you f*cked me here.
What did you say to her?

- What?
- What did you say?

Mate, if she starts on you,
it's got nothing to do with me.

Heavy, you're here for
f*ck' five minutes...

- Hello!
- Oh, Jesus f*ck' Christ, what now?

- Hey, man.
- Is the door open or something?

Nah. Rock key.

- Okay, that's it. No more rock key.
- Hey.

- Oh, Gordy. Gordy.
- What?

I can't go home.

You can't stay here,
mate. We're full.

Well, can I just hang?

You know, figure
out my next move?

Mediation's not gone great.

Yeah, mate, that's because
your "lawyer" is a f*ck'...

Hey. Hey, Justin.

Good thanks, Mother.

Mate, I want to
help you. I'll...

- Where is he going?
- Dunno.

No, hang on, mate.

No, no. Oi!

- What the f*ck?!
- Come here, friend.

Is this your en suite, mate?

So, um...

How do you fit into this
jigsaw puzzle, Meggles?

Uh, well, a couple of ways.

Holy sh*t!

Oh! I love it! I love it!

Yup.

Does Andre know?

Yeah, of course.

Right. Okay.

So just completely
gone off solids?

- Wow.
- f*ck you're a loser.

- What?
- Heavy, you're a f*ck' loser.

No wonder you always
knocked me back.

Oh, that wasn't the reason, son.

Gross.

Charcuterie?

- Whoa!
- It's Wednesday afternoon.

- Is it?
- Yeah. It's...

- It's Wednesday.
- Yeah, no.

I appreciate the presentation.

- We're not gonna...
- Yeah.

- That's a hard pass.
- No, thank you, but no.

- One, two, three.
- No.

Mmm... Or, unless
you guys are...?

No?

Can I say something?

Can I say something?

- Yeah, speak your truth, Bretty.
- Of course, Bretty.

I think you guys are
awesome together,

and I really think you're
actually made for each other.

Aw, Bretty.

It's early days.

- What?
- Mm?

What do you mean?

Oh, no. I mean that's
so sweet, Bretty.

Are you not feeling
it? You can be honest.

Meggles, I'm feeling it.

It's just... it's just a lot

with Andre and the kids...

It's pretty new.

Yeah, I know. I feel
that. I feel all that.

I... I feel like a homewrecker.

Hey.

You're not a homewrecker.

- If anything, I'm
the homewrecker.

No, I'm the one who's
breaking their wedding vows.

Hey.

We're all homewreckers.

Just... in different ways.

Yeah.

You know, that's
the mistake I made.

I got married way too young.

- Mm.
- Right?

Don't get me wrong, I love my
wife and kids, but there's just...

There's just nothing
going on there anymore.

You know?

Like, the other day,

Katie bent over in her undies.

And I thought, "Revolting."

- Whoa. Did you?
- You know?

Yeah. I know it's f*cked up,

but, see, that's where I'm at.

- Right now. Right?
- Right...

So, what my point is...

Yeah, what is your point?

- Is that I'm the
f*ck, not Flashlight.

- Yes.

- There we go.

- Right? That's what
I'm trying to say.

- Good point well made.
- Cool, cool, cool.

- Right.
- So, but what was that stuff

that you were saying about
Gordon being stealthy?

Oh, no, it was
nothing. It's nothing.

He's... he's just a charismatic
guy with a couple of moves.

Well, what moves?

No, nothing. No moves.

You know me, I don't
have... I got nothing.

- I've got no moves.
- Ah.

- The "I own a brewery."
- Yes.

- That's my one move.
- Yeah, it's a good move.

Yeah, well, and the "I'll
kiss you in six minutes" move.

What? What are you talking
about? That's your f*ck' move.

- What is it?
- It's not really a move.

- What is it?
- I don't know.

- Okay, all right. All right.
- It's nothing, it's nothing.

What he'd do,

he used to give chicks a six-minute
warning before he kissed them.

Ah.

- Sounds pretty rapey.

Well, that does.

It was just... it wasn't that.

It was just a fun, flirty
thing I did a couple of times.

Yeah, well, more than a couple.

Yeah, well, more than a couple.

It wasn't a move.

- So do the move.
- No.

- Do it! Do it, Flash.
- Do it.

- I'm not doing the move.
- Do the move.

- Why?
- Do it.

- I want to see the move.
- Don't @ me.

See, if I can't see it,

I'm only gonna imagine it's
a form of sexual as*ault.

It's not a form
of sexual as*ault!

- Okay, fine. Okay, fine, I'll do it.
- Okay.

- Okay? Okay, I'll
do the f*ck' move.

- Do it.

- Can't wait.
- Jesus.

- Okay, so...
- Stand up.

Yeah, do it properly.
Come on, come on, come on.

Okay, fine.

- Properly.

- Right, okay, so I
get to a party, okay?

And only if I'm
feeling a vibe...

Right.

I'd say to the girl, "So,

I'm gonna kiss you
in six minutes."

"So, if you have anything
that you wanna do

between now and
then, be my guest,

and I'll meet you back here."

- Okay?

I don't know. That...
it's creepy-adjacent.

Yeah, well, we're out of context
here and it was years ago.

Yeah, not aged well.

Well, come on, Ash, what about
you? You must have some moves.

Oh, um...

Just one. The...
the nipple flash.

Ah! That's a good move.

That's not really a move though.

That's not really a move though.

That... that just
happened one time.

Did it?

- Didn't it?

- Did it?
- Did it?

Dunno.

Didn't it? f*ck no.

I did it all
through my twenties.

Got free drinks,
whatever. It's...

Friends would say it's
my signature move.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

Smart. Clever girl.

Thrifty. Thank you.

Well, come on. Come
on. Do the move.

No! f*ck no.

No, no, it's... fair's fair.
She's gotta do the move.

You did your move. Now
she's gotta do her move.

- No!
- Fair's fair.

- Fair is not fair.
- Fair is fair.

- She's not... You're
not doing the move.

- Why not?

- Okay.
- Because...

Because... because...

♪ Because, because ♪

♪ Because of the
wonderful t*ts she has ♪

♪ Ba-diddily-diddily-dun ♪

- That was good.
- Ridiculous.

- Give it to me.
- Yeah?

All right, don't
leave me hanging.

I'm not gonna do the move.

Obviously.

- Oh, boo!
- Not boo!

- I'm gonna get some drinks.
- Shut it down.

Ah, do you mind getting us
some beers? Hey, sweetheart?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Meep.

Whoa!

- Wow.
- No, not wow.

- Wow.
- No, not wow.

She's fun.

That's in there.

No, it's not.

That is in there.

- No, it's not in there.
- Oh?

- Get it out.
- It's deep in the bank, mate.

- Well, take it out of the bank.

- Deposit made.

- It's a withdrawal, mate.
- That's a term deposit.

No, f*ck' close the account,

we're kicking you out of the
bank, we're closing your account.

f*ck, I'm glad you're here.

And that's what
I feel sometimes.

Like, I like you so much,

but sometimes, I feel
that you're not as into me

as much as I'm into you.

Is that too intense?

No, it's so good. It's so good.

Meggles.

You are so beautiful.

No, you are.

And I'm so grateful for
you being there for me.

It's just I don't know if I'm
quite ready for the full thing.

And you're the full thing.

Okay, is the door
still open to Andre?

Mm.

I don't know.

No, I don't think so.

But...

Baby, is this hard
for you to hear?

Nup.

You know what? It's...
It's not, actually.

You know what? It's...
It's not, actually.

Because you've taught
me so much about myself.

And you have taught me
so much about myself.

You know, this is
some evolved sh*t.

- Women are amazing.
- Mm.

And you're amazing, Bretty.

Mm, we are. We are all amazing.

We should hang out more.

- Oh, we really should.
- Yes! Yes!

Oh, good on you, Ash.

Who's ready?

Thank you.

No worries.

- That one's for you.
- Ta.

- Mm. - Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Bottom's up.
- Yup.

Mm.

What is that?

Ah, you don't recognise her?

No, I do. She's
definitely one of mine.

She is, correct.

Ah... it's a creamy.

- Mm-hmm.
- It's like... it's like...

It's like, it's...
it's almost like, ah...

Like Cathy.

Like Cathy Cream Your Jeans Ale.

- Is this Cathy?
- Yeah.

- I've only got one of her.
- I know.

- I've only got one of her.
- I know.

Enjoy.

Ash, what the...?!

Ash, this is a very
exclusive beer run.

- Yeah.
- Why did... why have you...?

Oh, why, why?

Why did you name beers after
girls you've slept with

and then keep them
in your closet?

Bit off, isn't it?

- So, who have I got?
- Oh, you've got Melanie's Melons IPA.

Oh, I remember her.

Ash, it's not about the
girls, it's about the beer.

But it isn't about
the beer, is it?

Because you're not drinking
them, so they're just trophies.

No, no, no, they're
not trophies.

Did you sleep with them?

- All of them.

Is that a problem?

Only if you can't let them go.

Of course I can let them go.

Then great, cheers,
drink up, everybody.

No, no, no!

No, Ash, Ash. I created
these beers years ago, right,

in response to where I was
at in my life at that time.

These mean something to me.

It's like, oh, should Leonard Cohen
have deleted "So Long Marianne"

when he started seeing Suzanne?

- You're not Leonard Cohen, Gordon.
- You're missing my point.

Fine. Whatever. You know what?

If they bother you so much,
I'll just take them to work.

And speaking of work,

And speaking of work,

"Chiara's Cans."

"Way more than a mouthful."

Classy, mate.

Mm!

Yum.

That's not on,
mate. Disappointing.

Heavy.

On behalf of the Crapp
family, I'd like to apologise.

Shut up, mate.

I'm so sorry...

So sorry we domesticated you.

Okay.

Ballpark, what am I
dealing with here?

What is your number?

- What?
- "What"?

How many people
have you slept with?

Oh, sh*t, here we go.

I'll go first.

Nine.

Oh, this year? Less than nine.

No, Gordon. My whole life.

Oh.

Oh, well, you're
setting me up to fail.

This is quality.

- Quiet, Heavy.
- Don't.

Ash, I... I lost my
virginity when I was 16.

Ash, I... I lost my
virginity when I was 16.

So?

- Twenty?

Not saying anything.

- Fifty?
- Oh... I run a bar, Ash.

Okay. Seventy-five?

- Getting warmer.
- Heavy!

- Shut the f*ck up!
- Don't look at him.

- I want you to look at me.
- Yeah, I am.

One hundred?

Oh, who keeps track?

More than 100 women?!

And that's a
magnificent hundred!

No, no, no. No more
than a hundred.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I am.

Oh, look, I don't know the exact
number 'cause I'm not a serial k*ller,

but, but definitely no
more than... than...

a hundred.

A hundred... hundred women.

I don't even know
who you are anymore.

- Yes, you do. Ash. Ash...
- This is wild.

This is... oh my
God, this isn't...

You know what? Let's do the
maths. Let's do the maths.

- Oh, please.
- No, no, no, let's do it.

Because I'm 42
now, right? Okay?

I lost my virginity
when I was 16.

So, 42 minus 16, okay, is 26
years sexually active, right?

And then 100 divided by 26 is...





- Mm.
- Okay?

Mm, that's actually pretty low.

Yeah. 3.84 women per annum
doth not a prowler make.

That's, like, less
than one a season.

But it does add up,
though, doesn't it?

It's probably time to
start settling down, mate.

Oh, should I, mate?
Oh, okay, mate.

I don't think I'll take
relationship advice

from a guy who's definitely paying for
sex in Vegas this weekend definitely.

Hey!

That's a f*ck' low blow,
bro. It's a conference.

p*nis conference.

- Hey!
- Yeah?

I like to f*ck' joke
around, all right?

But you know Katie is my life.

All right?

I'd take a f*ck'
b*llet for that woman.

All right, I'm sorry. Just
leave it. Just leave it.

Hey, back on Melanie's
Melons, I've seen your cans

and they're much
nicer shape-wise.

- Stop it!
- Well, it's true!

Just say something nice
about your girlfriend.

Girls like that, all right?

Thank you, Heavy.

That's all right. Gordon.

♪ Hey, baby ♪

♪ Oh, what a world
you're gonna see ♪

♪ Joyrides in flying cars... ♪

Okay, yeah. I'm coming now.

All right, all right, all right.

Oh, whoa, Andre.

Is Chiara here?

Uh, Chiara...

- Oh, no. No.
- Okay.

I know she's here.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, that's right.

Yeah, hey, Chi?

Yeah, hey, Chi?

Chiara!

- God.
- Good morning.

What time is it?

Ten past nine

on Ernie's birthday.

Oh my God! Ernie! Happy birth...

No, no, no, no, no. Not "happy
birthday, Ernie", is it?

'Cause his mum's been
f*ck knows where doing...

Well, what were you
doing last night, Chi?

Because there is a naked person
over on the couch over here.

Oh!

I don't know who that is.

Are you going to come back to
your actual life at some point?

- You're perimenopausal, Chi!

You're not some kid kicking
around in your twenties

trying to figure out your...

You're already meant
to have done that

and made a decision,
which you did,

and now you have a family.

But should we just all
just disappear now because

you have a girlfriend?

We had a birthday dinner for Ernie
last night and it was really great.

And I gave him his bike. That
was actually from both...

And I gave him his bike. That
was actually from both...

And he can tell you all about it

because your week with
him started an hour ago,

and now I'm late
for my voiceover.

And great, I've been yelling.

Goodbye.

And Chi?

Could you tell Gordon

I've always thought he
was an absolute c*ck!

Hey, guys!

So, I've been thinking,

both as a doctor and
as your girlfriend,

um,

I'm gonna need you to get
a sexual health checkup

as soon as you can.

Are you joking?

It's not unreasonable.

Gordon, when was the last
time you got a checkup?

Ash, I get regular checkups.

But when? When
was the last time?

Oh, um...

Um...?

Right. So, probably
time to get a...

a thorough check.

Yeah. Okay. Yep.

- That's fair enough.
- Thank you.

And you'll start seeing
a therapist, will you?

And you'll start seeing
a therapist, will you?

What?

About the nipple-flashing
male-attention thing?

- Excuse me?
- Just asking the question.

That's not the same thing.

That is not okay to
ask me that at all.

Right, so you can ask me
to get a raft of tests,

but I can't ask you
to look at your thing.

Your sexual health
affects me directly.

And your mental health
doesn't affect me directly?

It does!

What, we can't talk about it?

Ugh!

Yep. We can talk about it.

And hey, how about
while I'm there,

I'll unpack how it's
pretty hard to feel special

with a guy who has slept
with at least 100 women!

- Ugh!
- Ah, 3.84. But anyway.

You talk about how it might
be time to grow up, yeah?

How about you take
your own advice,

stop being so selfish,

and just get the
f*cking checkup!

And just get the
f*cking checkup!

♪Oh ♪

♪ I've heard it said before ♪

♪ That youth is like
a hallway To a door ♪

♪ I burst through it ♪

♪ Wild seeds in the ground ♪

♪ I threw them all around
With blind abandon... ♪

Ash, I need your help
with a patient in Bed 5.

No, I've gotta do something...

No, I covered you with
the weird guy's toenails.

You owe me.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh, f*ck. Quickly.

I should probably warn you,
this guy's pretty handsy.

No, what?

Now, he wouldn't tell me
exactly what he did, rude,

but he clearly f*cked up

and he seems to
be repentant, so.

Does he now?

What are you doing?

Ash, the fact that
you feel anything less

than the most
special thing to me

is 100% my fault

because I've honestly
never felt about anyone

the way I feel about you.

- Really?
- Really.

And if they had of sold a, "I'm
a big old dickhead" balloon...

"I'm a big old dickhead that's
slept with too many women."

Yes! I would have got that one.

But they said it was
just too much text.

So, that... that's
all that I got.

It's probably not appropriate
for a hospital anyway.

That's what they said.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Ugh, I really wanted
to stay angry.

Ugh, I get that.

No, I was... I was
powerfully angry.

Like, I was getting a lot done.

- Were ya?
- Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

And I am so sorry.

You are an idiot.

Yeah, I know.

But, an idiot with
flowers and a balloon.

- This is amazing.
- It's a boy.

And I've... I've got
to get back to work.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you mean?

I came here for a
sexual health check.

- No, I... well...
- Yeah.

Gene said.

- Did he?
- He said you were the best.

Oh, I'm pretty good.

I'm sure you are. However, I would
like to get a third party in here

because I don't feel
completely comfortable

being alone in a
cubicle with you.

Oh, you'll be right, mate.

Done plenty of these.

Oh...

- I don't know. This is...
- No, no.

Drop your dacks.

Have you seen, ah, the TV
show Embarrassing Bodies?

No.

Check it out. All right, I'll
be the patient, all right?

- You be... you just say...
- Okay.

What's going...
What can I look at?

What can I help you with, love?

Um, well, I've actually
got a little sort of...

I've been ashamed of it for


never wanted to come
to my doctor about it,

so I thought I'd come
on national tele...

International television

and shave a pustule.

I've got some pustules
here if you...

Ooh, if you get me to squeeze
them, they all come out everywhere.

See? Ooh, it hurts a bit!

But I don't mind it as well.

What's... what's wrong with me?

All right, sign this
form for clearance.

All right.

But this is all free, yeah?