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01x08 - Episode 8

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Golden Axe". Aired: September 16, 2026.*
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Follows veteran warriors Ax Battler, Tyris Flare and Gilius Thunderhead as they once again battle to save Yuria from the evil giant Death Adder who just won't seem to stay dead.

01x08 - Episode 8

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪

NARRATOR: Determined
to free Yuria


from the grip
of Death Adder,


Gilius and Hampton
continue their journey


to Death Adder's castle--

Hey. They're already there?
That was fast.


Feels like they could have
taken a little more time,


maybe done some more
character development.


[Hampton shudders]

I've never been afraid
of a building before.

Well, that's not true. But
it doesn't happen that often.

I mean, it's just got to be
a really scary building.

Ha! If you're scared now,

just wait till
you see what's inside.

Oh, wave after wave

of bloodthirsty skeletons,
followed by an onslaught

of foul creatures not even

the gods could conjure up.

I mean, the best thing to do
is to expect death.

That's the best thing to do?

What about expecting
a long, full life

peppered with small setbacks

that help you appreciate
the good times?

You can try that, but then
you might end up like Alex.

Oh. Who's Alex?

Oh, Alex.

Alex, Alex, Alex. Alex,

Alex, Alex...

Alex, Alex, Alex.

Uh, Gilius, the more times
you say his name,

the more I think
I should worry about Alex.

Oh, you don't have
to worry about him.

- Because he's dead.
- [gasps]

On our last siege,

he didn't even make it
to Death Adder's castle.

Surely, he was ill-prepared.

Or feeble and thin-boned?

No, he was a seasoned warrior
who was as strong as an ox

and nimble as a cat.

It didn't even
occur to me he could die.

I'll never forget
his last words:

"Please don't let me
die like this.

Please, please.
Oh, gods. I'm so scared."

But don't worry, boyo.
You will be fine.

Really? You don't think
I'm gonna end up dead,

with my entrails everywhere
and my eyes poked out

and, I don't know,
a bloody nose?

Hmm.

Hmm...

Now that you bring it up...

yeah, you don't have a chance.
You should stay here.

SPELL: Whoosh!

[whoops]
That stream is refreshing.

Where is everyone?

You want to see something funny?

Huh? Huh?

♪ ♪

NARRATOR:
[laughs] I liked it, Druda.

Meanwhile, Ax, Tyris and Chronos

seek the All-Seeing
Eye of Novira


to aid in their
search for Gilius.


[chuckles]
Skeleton drinking water.


Skeletons can't drink water.

Wait here.

The Eye will summon
you when it is ready.

And remember,

it will only answer
one question.

One question per person?

Because I really want to know
what I'd--

You cannot ask what you'd
look like with short hair.

We need to know where Gilius is.

Hey, you don't need
the Eye for that.

With your bone structure?

EYE OF NOVIRA: Enter.

AX: All-Seeing Eye,

We are honored
to be in your presence.

Wait, where is it?

EYE OF NOVIRA: I am here.

Oh, oh, yes. There you are.

[quietly] Do you see it?

[quietly] No, but I don't
want it to think I'm dumb.

[regular volume] It knows
you're dumb, it's all-seeing.

Show yourself.

EYE OF NOVIRA: You're getting
warmer... warmer...

And, by the way,

the goal is to be hot.

Colder. Way colder.

Freezing.

Warmer. Warmer. Warmer.

You're boiling!
Which, for this game,

is about as good as it gets.

Ding, ding, ding!

It is I, the one
whose ancient wisdom you seek.

And the creator of the
"You're Getting Warmer" game.

I thought it would be bigger.

I thought it would be floating,

- and not loose on a plate.
- CHRONOS: It's wet.

Why is it so wet? [gags]

Eyes are so gross.

Well, come on. Lift my cloche.

Glorious All-Seeing Eye
of Novira, we have come--

[retches]

Apologies. We've traveled
far to seek your aid

in the search
of our missing friend who--

[retches] Sorry. I think I got
most of it out of my system.

- [Eye of Novira shouting]
- Oh, no,

it's flying!

EYE OF NOVIRA:
Whoa! Whoa...

Chronos, grab it!

Spit it out. Please spit it out.

[gags]

[Eye shouting]

Stop that Eye!

[exclaims] It was in me.

SPELL: Whoosh!

[both grunt]

Whoa. What happened?
Where are we?

We've clearly been transported
to some sort of magical forest

in an alternate dimension.

Alternate dimension?
Where are you getting that?

It's pretty standard
questing stuff, Hampton.

- [twig snaps]
- [gasps] Shush, shush.

[whispering]
But you were the one talking.

[whispering]
Steel yourself. Danger's afoot.

MALE:
That's right, you're surrounded!

Drop your weapons,

- uh, or else?
- [chuckles]

[regular volume]
Or else what?

- Gilius.
- Uh...

we'll do bad things.

Lots of 'em.

I want to see what this is.

What are you doing?

Show yourselves, cowards.

Come with us.
We're taking you to our leader.

[laughs]

I'm... I'm really glad
we're doing this.

[Eye of Novira grunting]

[all exclaiming]

Oh, gross!
It's leaving a trail of slime.

- It's just water.
- It didn't taste like water.

It tasted like puke and pee.

[gasping, grunting]

[grunting] Ouch.

It's okay,

it should stop at the bottom.

[Eye of Novira
continues grunting, exclaiming]

[all sigh]

[whoops]

Is it running away?

[laughs] I'm free!

What is this place?

We call it the Cowoods.

Everyone here was living
a normal life in Yuria

until they experienced a moment
when they were consumed by fear.

Then, whoosh,
we all ended up here.

Oh, "cow-woods."

Like "cowards." [short chuckle]

Do you get it, Gilius?
Gilius, do you get it?

Do you? Do you?

So, uh, what were
you all afraid of?

My village was
attacked by bandits,

then, whoosh, I was here.

- COWARDS: Whoosh!
- I came home

and there was a raccoon
trapped in my house.

Then, whoosh, I was here.

- COWARDS: Whoosh!
- One day, I was sitting

alone in my house and I realized

I'm fated to love others more
than they could ever love me.

And, whoosh,
I was here, of course.

That explains
what happened to us.

Hampton here was thinking about
Death Adder's minions,

then, whoosh, all of a sudden,
we're in a dimension

full of milk-livered,
yellow-bellied ninnies.

You think I did this?
Yeah, I probably did this.

All right, where's your leader?

We need to get out of here.

ALEX:
I'm right here, Gilius.

Wait, I know that voice.

Alex?

Alex! You're alive!

I'm alive too, but I don't see
you ever hugging me about it.

Do you know how many people
I've told about you dying?!

And now I look like
a right divot.

How did you survive, old friend?

When I was carried away
by the enemy horde,

I knew I was finished.

My fear got the best of me,
and--

Let me guess, "whoosh?"

- [cowards gasp]
- He took his "whoosh."

I know you're new here,
but that's pretty much

the rudest thing you could do.

If you're still here, does
that mean there's no way out?

No, there is a way,

but it's not worth the risk.

Plus, it's safe around here

and you can boss
these wimps around.

They'll do anything for you.

Tempting as that is,
Yuria needs us.

Fair enough.
I'll lead you to the exit.

Hey, I'm really sorry
I took your "whoosh."

I just wish sorry was enough.

This is the Petrified Forest.

This forest will test you
in ways you've never imagined,

and the consequences of
failure-- whew, they're dire.

Well, the consequences
of not k*lling Death Adder

are dire-er-er... er.

Okay.

But a word of warning.
Once we're in the forest,

you mustn't show fear.
Your lives depend on it.

Then I better get
all my fear out now.

[exhales sharply]

[screaming]

Oh, gods! I'm scared!

I'm scared! I'm scared,
I'm scared, I'm scared!

I'm so scared! I am scared!

[scream echoes]

- GILIUS: You feeling better?
- HAMPTON: No.

Wait up!
Can I join you?

When you called us
"milk-livered,

yellow-bellied ninnies,"
I realized

I didn't want
to be a coward anymore.

I'm ready to face my fear.

Good on you, lad.
I'll shed a tear when you die.

Are you sure, Ian?
This forest is dangerous.

Dangerous? Oh, no!

[laughs] I'm just kidding.

I'm more than a coward,
I'm a comedian.

Aah! A leaf!
Get it off, get it off!

Aah! Aah!

Get it off! Get it o--

[gasps]

Holy crap.

I warned you.
In this place,

fear has consequences.

"Consequences?" That doesn't
feel like a strong enough word

to describe turning into a tree.

Next time say something
like "big consequences."

Hampton, how are you
with heights?

Um, I don't know.

If I had to guess,
you're three foot, ten.

What?
I am obviously in the fours.

And that's not even
what I'm talking about.

ALEX:
We call this bridge

the Willow Maker.

That's good, right?

Oh, like "widow?"

Yeah, it's okay, I guess.

You must cross it
to return to Yuria.

Okay, you can do this.
In three,

two, one, zero.

Back up to one, back up to two,
starting again at three.

Okay, this kid
can't control his fear.

- I've got an idea.
- Oh.

Yeah, I can see how this
is probably for the best.

This is very scary.

Of course, I can't see it,

but I have a vivid imagination.

Hampton!

Why'd you grab me?
Did something bad happen?

Nope, nope. All-all good.

Just yanking you in
for a "we...

crossed the bridge" hug.

But we're not hugging.

[sighs]

Aw, I love you, too.

[screeching in distance]

What is that?

The nine-legged screaming
banshee witches

of the petrified forest.

- We're gonna need earplugs.
- [birds chirping]

Uh, Gilius, it feels like
my earplugs are panicking.

That's because they're scared.

Uh, pardon me, this may be
difficult to believe,

but we're missing an eye.

Oh, great. You can believe it.

It's about yea big. Round.

- Wet-ish.
- [gags]

EYE OF NOVIRA:
Wait, what's happening?

Why's it so quiet?

You better not be
ratting me out!

[gasps]
Snitches get stitches.

[shouting]

- [grunts]
- Enough.

Now tell us where Gilius is.

EYE OF NOVIRA: No.

I am done answering everyone
else's stupid questions.

I need to answer
questions of my own.

I'm in love.

With the All-Seeing
Eye of Moldornia.

We've only seen each other
from afar, but...

but it was love
at first omniscient sight.

I must go to her
and find out if this is real.

[gasps] Tyris, he's in love.

We must help him.

Fine. But after we get there,

you're telling us
where Gilius is.

Deal. Hey, can someone
check on that eyepatch guy?

I think I may have gone
a little overboard.

Overboard? Rixley's dead.

Shut up or I'll k*ll you, too.

[Hampton]
I'm loving this.

It's like I'm a baby,
but old enough to enjoy it.

We're here.

It got really

bouncy there for a bit.
What were you guys doing?

What's that?

ALEX:
The Tree of Fear.

The last thing standing
between you and your freedom.

Once you climb the stairs,
you'll be met

with your deepest fear.

If you overcome it, slurp.

- What's that?
- What's what?

Oh, "slurp?" "Slurp" is
the opposite of "whoosh."

All right, boyo. Hop on.

Unfortunately,

you each have
to go in alone and unarmed.

Tree rules,
it's written here somewhere.

- But--
- Gilius, it's okay.

I'm the reason we're here.

If I am to face Death Adder,
I need to do this alone.

If I don't come back,

I guess...

you can have my parents' house.

Look, if you're not doing
anything after this,

you should come back with us.

We could use you in the fight
against Death Adder.

[sighs] Even if I wanted to,
I-I don't think I'd make it.

I tried my hand
against the tree once,

but I was no match
for the twisted beast.

[gasps]

If you couldn't
overcome your fear...

They really should have
put a railing on this thing.

GILIUS:
Hampton!

[grunts]

You are not ready.

Gilius, I think maybe

you're the one who's not ready.

Oh, oh! No, uh, oh, my gods,

there's a little leaf.

Oh, this isn't fair.

You're the one
who's scared, not me.

Are you sure, Gilius?
I think you might be

afraid of losing something.

Nah, no.
Balding skips a generation,

and my father
had a full head of hair.

I'm talking about
Hampton, Gilius.

Ha! I don't care
if Hampton goes bald.

No, you're afraid that you
won't be able to protect him.

Just like
you couldn't protect Alex.

That's what
we were talking about

right before we got whooshed.

It's your fault we're here.

And by the way, you are bald.

Well, I wouldn't be so afraid
of you getting k*lled

if it didn't look like
a light breeze could do it.

Hey, sometimes a light breeze
is the most dangerous

because you can't
hear it coming.

Gilius, don't you see?

In order to face your fears,

you have to let me
face mine alone.

Fine.

But I think it's best
I don't watch.

Ugh, can't there be
one magical forest

that doesn't force me
to look inward?

Wait here.
The All-Seeing Eye of Moldornia

will see you shortly.

Pun intended.

How would you like to be posed?

What's the sexiest
position for an eye?

Pupil forward, white part back.

Oh, yes,

- I can see that.
- EYE OF MOLDORNIA: Enter.

[laughs] I hope we get to play
the "Getting Warmer" game again.

[sighs]

At long last,

we meet Eye-to-Eye.

I have spent many a night
dreaming of this moment.

Dreaming of watching you die!

[eyes shouting]

There can only be one
All-Seeing Eye of Yuria,

and it shall be "eye!"

Not if "eye" have anything
to say about it!

[both shouting]

[shouting continues]

[eyes grunting]

EYE OF MOLDORNIA:
Get off me.

Weirdly, I'm fine with this.

Kind of like it, even.

- This is pathetic.
- EYES: Ow.

We've traveled too far
for whatever this is.

Now, whoever tells me
where Gilius is first lives.

[both straining]

Gilius, I'm doing good.
No tree parts.

Quiet. I'm trying to imagine

you have the fortitude
to do this.

Alex.

That tree looks just like you.

Wait, it looks exactly like you.

Funny you should say that,
because--

In fact,

because we're in a
magical forest dimension,

I'm now thinking that is Alex!

But did you realize th--

- I'm not done.
- [groans]

That means you're a physical
manifestation of the forest

that took Alex's form
and feeds on the fear

of people who come here!

[stammers]
I was going to say all of that.

This is worse than when
Hampton took my whoosh.

It's okay. It's okay.

Because I still
have one more trick

up my sleeve.
[cackles]

Are you gonna do the most
obvious thing in the world

and turn into
a scary tree monster?

Oh, you suck!

[roaring]

[cackling]

Now, if you wouldn't mind
waiting here,

I'm going to
take care of Hampton.

There's no way
I'm letting you do that.

Ah, ah, ah.

If you go after him,

that means you're
giving in to your fear.

And if you do that,
you'll turn into a tree

and never be able to leave,
like Alex, as you saw.

Sorry, I had to rush that out
before you stole it from me.

Okay, got to go k*ll your son
or whatever.

[shouts]

I know I could die here,
but this is quite the view.

Nice up here, right?

Who are you? What's happening?

Oh, if you want to know what's
happening, talk to Gilius,

he seems to know everything.
Or, better yet,

why don't I start to explain it
and then Gilius will cut me off?

I feel like I should run.

You can tree.

- Huh?
- [groans]

You're right, I forced that one.

[roaring]

Oh, I can't just stand here.

[Gilius straining]

Whoa. Aah!

Okay. Ideas, ideas, ideas.

Where's an idea?

Termites.

[growls]

[panting]

[shouts]

Aah!

Attaboy!

[both grunting]

Whoa!

Huh?

Aah! No, no, no, no!

No! [shouting]

Aah!

Gilius, can I borrow this?

You didn't wait for an answer.

[shouting]

Hampton, mov--

[muffled exclamation]

SPELL:
Slurp.

- SPELL: Slurp.
- Oh, yay, you're back!

I thought of a great bit.

Huh?

Oh, great.
What are we gonna cook on?

Whatever. Chicken Leg liked it.

GILIUS:
Oh, thank gods.

I thought I'd lost you.

- I thought I lost you. Oh.
- [kissing]

You did good, kid.

I think you just might be ready.

That was probably
way harder than anything

we'd face with
Death Adder, right?

Ha! Not even a little bit.

AX:
Gilius.

Humpton.

h*-h*-h*. Finally caught up.
How'd you find us?

Someone k*lled half of Yuria's
all-seeing eye population.

And we got
exactly what we needed.

I'm done apologizing.

Wait, did you ever
start apologizing?

DRUDA:
Hey,

new friends!

Is anybody thirsty?

- Aah! Skeleton!
- HAMPTON: Wait, wait.

- [audience laughing]
- ♪ ♪

[cheering, applause]

MAN:
Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!

Chirp.

[production theme]