01x06 - Just Say No Fun

[bunniefuu]

My name is Marshall Teller.

I knew my new hometown
was going to be different

from where I grew up
in New Jersey,

but this is ridiculous.

Nobody believes me,
but Eerie, Indiana

is the center of weirdness
for the entire planet.

[CAWING]

Item, Elvis lives
on my paper route.

Thank you, little paperboy.

Item, Big Foot eats
out of my trash.

Item, even man's best friend
is weird.

Still don't believe me?
You will.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CROW CAWING]

MARSHALL:
A sense of humor is
a sign of intelligence.

That's what my
dad says.

He also says, sometimes
Simon and I

are too smart for
our own good.

We were just a couple
of wise guys trying
to have some fun.

We weren't
looking for trouble.

But in Eerie,

trouble always has a way
of finding us.

[THUD]

I hear somebody. Hurry!

Done.

Boys.

[LAUGHING]

Thanks for the
heart attack, son.

You're welcome, Dad.

You know, I
often ask myself,

how many guys have a kid
that does stuff like this?

[DOOR CLOSES]
I hear mom.

[WHISPERS]
Quick, lets get her.

Okay.

What?

[LAUGHING]

Marshall, Simon...

Edgar?

MARSHALL:
Get Syndi.

[LAUGHING]

Of course, you know,
this means w*r.

I love this stuff.

MARSHALL:
Simon and I decided to
take our bag of tricks and

beat it to school before Syndi
could launch a counter-attack.

Like everything else in Eerie,

B.F. Skinner Junior High
was a strange place
full of weird people.

But that wasn't going to stop
us from having a little fun.

[CHATTERING]

Stick of gum
to make you hum?

What do I look like?
Sucker of the Universe?

Where's a good victim
when you need one?

Thanks geeks.

Oops.

Hey, Dimsdale.

I don't think you're
going to like that.

Oh, yeah?

If he kills me,

you can have my stuff.

Teller, Holmes,

you punks are dead.

All right,
all right.

What's going on here?
Knock it off.

You people
know the rules.

No fighting!

He started it.
Irrelevant.

Here comes detention.

I think it's time
the three of you

had your eyes checked.

Come along.
Eyes checked?

MARSHALL:
Since coming here,

I've seen more weirdness
than any ten men.

But until you get your
eyes checked by the
Eerie School nurse,

you ain't seen
nothing yet.

Getting an eye exam
is a simple,
painless process, right?

That's what Simon
and I thought too.

DIMSDALE:
Ouch. Stop, I promise...

Doesn't sound like he's
getting his eyes checked.

Knowing Dimsdale,
they probably had
to strain him.

Here he comes.

Don't worry, he can't
k*ll us here in school.

Marshall, Simon,

I apologize for
fighting with you.

I'm sorry I misbehaved.

It looked like Dimsdale.

NURSE: Simon?

Simon Holmes?

Your turn to see
Nurse Nancy.

MARSHALL: Nurse Nancy had
just started to
work at the school.

All the teachers loved her.

Especially the kind
that liked to assign

round the clock homework.

I knew the second I
saw Nurse Nancy that
something was very wrong.

Come with me, Simon.

This won't take long.

Bye, Marshall.

Gee...

Hope you make it out alive.

Don't worry
Mr. Teller,

you'll be next.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Wow.

MARSHALL: Then,

about ten minutes later,
Simon stepped out.

At least he looked like Simon.

Hey, Simon.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

I feel a lot better.

You don't look fine.

What's with
the glasses?

I can see now.

It's all so clear.
What?

MARSHALL:
When I looked
into Simon's eyes,

I couldn't believe it.

He wasn't the same kid.

It's like something
in his eyes...

had disappeared.

I must go...

I must go study.

I must improve
my test scores.

NURSE NANCY: Yes.

Now it's Mr. Teller's turn.

Mr. Teller?

Mr. Teller?

Hmm.

You're next.

MARSHALL:
I didn't see Simon till
later that afternoon.

He was busy...

studying.

Something was
definitely wrong.

Ever since that eye test,

it was as if he was
no longer able to have fun.

Simon had
lost something important,

his sense of humor.

Simon,

where the heck
have you been?

Great.
Down in flames.

Do you think they have any
metric conversion tables here?

Don't you want to play
Mutant Attack?

It's your favorite game.

Marshall,

I don't have a favorite game.

Metric conversion tables, right?

Aisle three,
right next to
the cross-bows.

[RADFORD] That's the


Excuse me?

Something strange
is going on.

Notice how silent it is?

All the kids are so lifeless.

There's no verve.

Ah, I don't know.

This is scary.

I'm moving a ton of floss.

MARSHALL:
They all look the same.

Act the same.

And nobody wants
to have any fun.

Simon was
born to have fun.

You wanna have fun?

This way.

[RADFORD SIGHS]

There it is.
A whole case of fun.

It's a good idea, Radford.
Yeah.

Look at him.

He's a goner.

Well, unless you're
willing to use the...

No, forget I aid anything.

Use what?
Nothing.

Oh, come on.
I'm desperate.

No, I can't...
Please.

All right.

It's the doomsday device.

The GM 20-20.

It's the... The Big Bang
of bad taste.

It's gotta be done.

Come on.

Now you take this.
And don't drop it.

All right, expose
the enabling codes.

Open the package.

Careful.

Left, 22.

Right?

Sixty.
Sixty.

Mmm-hmm.

Left, 41.
Left, 41.

Stand back.

Aren't they beautiful?

Legend has it
they were molded

directly from the face
of the master himself.

I think you
know what to do.

Let me try 'em.

Thanks, Radford.

Saved my buddy's life.

Yup. GM 20-20's.

MARSHALL:
Simon was safe.

But evil never rests.

We have work to do.

These appear to be
ordinary window glasses.

Weird.

Now, tell me everything
that happened.

I remember
getting in the chair.

And she just closed the blinds.

[CACKLING]

Now, Mr. Holes,
just relax.

The process
is entirely painless.

But you must remember to keep
your eyes on the charts.

Now, read the first line
of the first chart.

The first and second lines
of the second chart.

All of the third chart.

See how easy it is.

Children can be so disruptive.

Don't you agree?

Sometime they just need
a little help

to remind them to behave.

Now, repeat after me,

all work and no fun

makes Simon a good boy.

All work and no fun

makes Simon a good boy.

Simon, can't
you see? That's it.

She hypnotized you.

She's hypnotizing everybody,
turning them into zombies.

I'm not a zombie.

That's because
these broke the spell.

We got to do something before
the whole school gets zombified.

I'm going back in
to get my test.

But it's too dangerous.

It's a chance
I'll have to take.

We need proof.

The only way to get it
is to secretly videotape
her hypnotizing me.

Besides, I'm
not going alone.

You're going with me.

Undercover is my life.

Yes, of course.
First thing tomorrow,

he'll be there.

Sorry about
the inconvenience.

Marshall, we just got
a call from school.

Did you skip out
on some eye exam?

Uh, I must have forgotten.

Huh? Well, it seems to
be quite important.

I'm a little concerned,
Marshall.

The nurse feel you've
been very disruptive

and you can't blend in
with the other students.

Come to think of it, is that
really such a bad thing?

Well, he should at least
obey the rules

and he should work harder.
I've not been happy with
your grades, Marshall.

Now, I don't know why but
the nurse seems to feel

that your vision
is the source
of the trouble.

She would like us
to bring you in
tomorrow morning.

No problem.

MARSHALL:
That's right,
no problem.

Simon and I had Nurse Nancy
right where we wanted her.

Unfortunately,

we were all still in Eerie.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?
NURSE NANCY: Simon?

All work and no fun...

Makes Simon a good boy.

MARSHALL:
Here it was.

The morning I'd been
waiting for since the
day we moved to Eerie.

The day I would have
proof, witnesses,

videotape.

I've got to
tell you Marshall,

this is very disappointing.

I mean, first Mr. Togar says
you get into a fight at school,

then you skip a
eye examination.

What's wrong?

Why can't you be
like the other students?

Well, maybe
he shouldn't.

He should
just be himself.

Don't worry about me.

You guys are going
to find out sooner or later

that Nurse Nancy isn't
really a nurse.

She's hypnotizing
everybody in the school,

turning them into
lifeless, boring drones.

Marshall, please.
We've heard this all before.

Oh, you must
be the Tellers.

Nurse Nancy told me that
you'd be bringing Marshall in.

I know I speak for Marshall
when I say we're sorry

about the mix-up yesterday.

The nurse was
very understanding
on the phone.

She's done a
bang up-job here,

which I should've known
from the recommendations
she had from other schools.

After all, a quite classroom
is an orderly classroom.

And an orderly classroom
creates better test scores.

Here she is now.

You must be
the Tellers.

Pleased to meet you Miss...

Oh, just Nancy.

Oh, like Cher?

Not quite.

Nurse Nancy is developing
a master-plan

to expand free vision care

to my school staff
and eventually...

all Eerie citizens.

You too.

Wouldn't that
be great, Mars?

Great.

Oh, Marshall, there's
nothing to worry about.

And since your parents

were so kind to visit,

I'm going to
put you next.

Fine with me.

Say bye-bye, Marshall.

Bye-bye.

Mr. Teller, follow me.

[WHISPERS] Simon?

Am I glad to see you.

Got the camera and
the glasses right here.

It's upto us, buddy.

We gotta save the school.

NURSE NANCY: Mr. Teller?

Come on, let's go.

Why don't you
take a seat, Mr. Teller?

Certainly.

Just relax,
Mr. Teller.

That's one of my
little rules.

And things go so much easier
when people follow the rules,

don't you agree?

That's what
they tell me.

Well, Mr. Teller,

I've worked with
children all my life.

I think of myself
as an expert.

And well, you may
not believe this,

but I've seen
your type before.

Yeah?

Cool and suave?

I've had my eye
on you, Mr. Teller.

You are a very interesting
young man.

You have a lot of imagination.

You even show a funny kind of...

Courage.

Hey, I try.

Well, in this day
and age Mr. Teller,

we don't want courage
and imagination.

These days
demand a certain

simplicity.

A certain shallowness.

Is that why
you're against fun?

Oh...

Fun is poison.

It frees the mind.

When the mind
starts to wander,

who know where
it will take you.

Who knows what difficult
questions you'll ask. No.

We can't afford that!

I've corrected the vision of
many children in my lifetime,

Mr. Teller.

And you are a prize catch.

Yes...

I'm going to have fun.

I'll show you fun.

Simon,

let the games begin.

Simon?

Simon?

Mr. Holmes, would you
please do the honors?

Yes, Nurse Nancy.

NURSE NANCY:
Now, I'm sorry to say,

this may hurt.

The pain can be
so instructive.

Now relax and look at
the chart.

I want you to think about
how good it feels to make

Nurse Nancy happy.

You know, I'm not as bad
as you think, Marshall.

Some people even
picture me as

an angel of Mercy.

Simon?

Saving children from
their own nasty habits.

Why some day,
you might thank me.

Ah, thank you, Simon.

You're welcome,
Nurse Nancy.

Simon, what're you doing?

Simon knows how to
behave, Mr. Teller.

He told me about your
little scheme, too.

My, my...

Uh-oh.

We can't have any of that.

Oops.

Simon, run.

Boys, where do you
think you're going?

We're going to the FBI.

Something wrong, boys?

Uh...

No. Thanks.

Everything's fine.

I don't know why you're
making such a fuss,

Mr. Teller.

My world is
orderly and peaceful.

Yeah.

Well, I like my world
messy and alive.

No!

Not the glasses.

Anything but
the glasses.

Oh...

No!

You need to taste
your own medicine.

What're you
going to do?

You're going
to relax.

And think about
how good it
feels to have fun.

No! Not fun!

Not that.

Whenever you hear the word
Whom-bomp-a do-domp,

you will
begin laughing

and never stop.

Whom-bomp-a do-domp.
Whom-bomp-a do-domp.

Nurse Nancy,
are you all right?

Nurse Nancy?

Those glasses?

Whom-bomp-a do-domp.

[LAUGHING]

Whom-bomp-a do-domp.

And don't stop laughing till
you get to the North Pole.

MARSHALL:
Eerie, Indiana,

item number 38,

zombie glasses.

The ultimate tool
of mental fascism.

Nurse Nancy wanted
order and discipline.

She wanted boring drones
that loved homework.

Sure, that's okay sometimes.

But give me a little
chaos and fun any day.

Think we'll ever see
Nurse Nancy again?

Hopefully she's still
headed due North.

Welcome to Canada.

Anything to
declare, ma'am?

Whom-bomp-a do-domp.

[LAUGHING]

Americans...

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]