01x08 - Dead Letter

[bunniefuu]

My name is Marshall Teller.

I knew my new hometown
was going to be different

from where I grew up
in New Jersey,

but this is ridiculous.

Nobody believes me,
but, Eerie, Indiana,

is the center of weirdness
for the entire planet.

[CAWING]

Item, Elvis lives
on my paper route.

Thank you, lil' paper boy.

Item, Bigfoot eats
out of my trash.

Item, Even man's best friend
is weird.

Still don't believe me?
You will.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MARSHALL: The Eerie Library
needed some fast cash
to pay for renovations.

So some of the old books
that were down
in the library basement

got sent to World O' Stuff,
and put up for sale.

We're talking old books.

Books that haven't seen
the light of day in years.

Simon, can we go already?

But I gotta do this
for my history paper.

"The Jackalope and Its Relation
to the Federal Deficit."

Really fascinating, Simon.
Let's go.

Simon, it's her.

Andrea Fantucci.

Man, I'd sure like to meet her.

So go ahead.
What's stopping you?

Nah. She's busy.
I don't wanna bother her.

I'll get her for you.

Miss, excuse me, miss?
My friend wants to meet you!

What?

Nothing. Never mind.

[SIMON CHUCKLING]
You're a dead man, Simon.

Hey, Simon, check this out.

Mary B. Carter.

It's got a real old stamp
and everything.

There's no post mark.
I guess it's never been mailed.

Maybe it's some letter
written on someone's deathbed.

Maybe its got some
weird secrets no one's heard
in a hundred years.

We should do the right thing
and mail it, huh?

You kidding?
Lets open this baby.

[WIND BLOWING]

Hey, somebody must've
opened a window

[CLATTERING]

[ELECTRICITY STATIC]

[TRIPP YAWNING AND STRETCHING]

Gentlemen.
Thanks for the wake up call.

MARSHALL:
There he was.
Tripp McConnell.

What was he?
Some ghost that
just appeared outta thin air?

Some weird Eerie angel crash
landing at the World O' Stuff?

I wasn't sure.

But all my instincts said
one thing, Marshall, run away.

Now, Marshall, you have to do
a little favor for me.

Um. No thanks.

Let's go, Simon.

MARSHALL: Late that night,
something really
creepy-mondo-weird

was happening at my house.

The stranger had put my family
under a spell.

A gypsy.
A gypsy.

I can't believe Marshall
never told us he knew
a real life Gypsy.

What an amazing life you've had.
You could write a dozen books
on your experiences.

You know, I'm the Lifestyle
Editor of the school paper,

and I'd love to do
a spread on you.

"Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves
come to Eerie."

Oh, that's a great idea.

And listen, you know,
if you need a place to stay...

EDGAR: Yeah, why don't you
stay with us? I mean.

TRIPP: Geez, you people
are so nice.
I'd love to live with you.

It's him!
EDGAR: Great, we can use
Marshall's room.

MARILYN:
We could put Marshall
in the basement.

SYNDI:
Marshall, what's your problem?

Why didn't you tell us
you had such a cool friend?

Yeah, Mars. Why are you keeping
your old friend Tripp McConnell
a secret?

Well, ah, uhm...

Tripp is going to stay
for dinner, of course.

Oh, and then he's going
to stay with us for the night.

Heck, he's so interesting,
he can stay 'till he's eighteen.

Why don't we go outside
a second?
I think we need to talk...

Okay, old buddy?

But I'm having such
a good time...

MARSHALL:
Mom, Dad, Excuse us.

Move here.

Okay. Who are you
and what do you want?

Yeah, talk!

Mars, Simon, is that any way
to talk to an old friend?

I've never seen you
before today. And now you're
in here, turning my family

into blithering idiots!

Mars, c'mon,
it's not that hard to do.

You want a fat lip?
Marshall, take it easy!

All I want you to do
is help me with a little
problem I'm having.

You see, I'm in love with a
wonderful girl...

Look, pal, I think
you're trouble. And I don't want
anything to do with you.

And I'm for sure not going
anywhere near any girl you know.

You understand that?

[CROW CAWING]

Okay, Marshall.
But I'll be back.

[SIGHS]

It's too bad your friend
couldn't stay with us, Marshall.

Mom, trust me, you do not
want him in our house.

[CHUCKLING] That's a strange
thing to say about your friend.

That's just it,
he's not my friend.

It's like, he,
appeared in my life today.

Appeared?

What is he, a ghost?
Did he just beam down

from the inner moons
of Saturn?

Look.

All of you, do not, under any
circumstances let that bozo
back in this house

That's an order.

EDGAR: Tripps not a ghost.
MARILYN: I miss him.

SYNDI: Me too.

[WATER RUNNING]

MARILYN: Mars, are you okay?
Mom.

It's... him, it's Tripp.

Thank goodness! Where is he?

MARILYN:
Hey everybody, Tripp's outside.

EDGAR: Let's go get him.
SYNDI: I'll race you dad.

MARSHALL:
Where are you guys going?
Get back here!

MARSHALL:
That night I had another
one of my weird dreams.

I think it had something to do
with not wanting to grow up.

Still, I was kinda
enjoying the dream.

[SQUEAKING]

[CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAWING]

[MUFFLED GIGGLING]

* Marshall and Andrea
Sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G *

[SHE CONTINUES SINGING]
[CYCLE BELLS RING]

[CLOWN LAUGHTER]

[SHE CONTINUES SINGING]

[SIMON LAUGHING]

[SHE CONTINUES SINGING]
[CYCLE BELLS RING]

Then something happened that
never happened to me in any
dream I've ever had before.

Hey Mars.

Cool dream.

What are you doing here?

This is my dream.
You're not supposed
to be in my dream.

I said I'd be back.

Gotta wake up. Gotta wake up.

Not yet. Not until I tell you
what you have to do for me.

Mom, Dad, Syndi,
tell him to leave me alone.

ALL THREE:
But we love Tripp.

We love him more
than we love you.

[CYCLE BELLS RING]

Simon, help.

I just hate being second banana
on this show.

What show?

Mars, today at
the World O' Stuff
you found a letter.

I once tried to mail
that letter and I couldn't.

Since you're the one who found
that letter, your the one who's
to deliver it in person.

But I don't have your letter!

Sure you do. When you wake up
look at your night stand.

[ALARM BUZZING]

Wow. What a nightmare.

SIMON:
Mars, even for you,
that's a weird story.

Don't believe it,
I don't care,

I'm telling you this guy
entered my dream last night.

It's like he got
into my mind, Simon.

If delivering this letter
will get rid of him, I'll do it.

Why doesn't he do it himself?

Why does he wear those goofy
golf pants and have that
dweeb haircut?

I don't know?

SIMON: This is it.
Why don't we just
leave it here?

No can't do.

I have to deliver it in person,
and Mary Carter has to read it.

Can I help you?
Yes, are you Mary Carter?

Yeah.

[SIGHS] This has caused me
so much trouble,
I can't even tell you.

Here.

I don't know what's in it,
but I hope it brings you a long
and happy life. Adios.

Yes! I'm a free man!

Oh, wait a minute.
This is for Mary B. Carter.
I'm Mary C. Carter.

C'mon. You must want my aunt.

MARSHALL:
As we walked deeper and deeper
into that musty old house...

I kept asking myself,
"Marshall, why are you
such a bone-head?"

MARY JR:
Auntie? There are two
young men here.

One of them says
he has a letter for you.

Hi. I'm Marshall.
This is Simon.

A letter? Don't make me laugh.

I haven't had a letter since
the dawn of the last Ice Age.

Yes, ma'am, the letter's
from Tripp McConnell.

Did you say Tripp McConnell?

Yes, ma'am. Here.

You take that piece of paper
out of my sight.

You dirty lice-infected
little rug-rat. You think
this is funny?

I'm gonna pound you into mush!

But what did I do?

Tripp McConnell should
have been my husband!

But Tripp McConnel's been dead
for sixty-two years!

BOTH: He's a ghost!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[SOBBING]

MARSHALL: As soon as
we found out that
Tripp McConnel was a ghost,

Simon and I jumped into action.

SIMON: I thought garlic
was for vampires.

Ghosts, vampires, whatever.
We can't be too careful.

I don't get something.
Why is he haunting you?

It all has something to do
with the letter I found.

When I opened it,
I must've disturbed his rest.

It was like letting a genie
out of a bottle or something.

Cool.

Yeah, would be
if he wasn't so evil.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Begone ghost!
Go away demon of hell!

Don't be a jerk, Marshall,
that's for vampires.

What's wrong?
Never seen a ghost before?

[SIGHS IN EXASPERATION]

Now, what about my letter.

I've already delivered your
stupid letter and Mary Carter
didn't want it. Okay?

She didn't?

If I were you,
I'd give up on this.

She's an old woman, Tripp, she's
not the girl you used to know.
You're kinda, like, too late.

Mary doesn't want me?

[SNIFFLES]

[WIND HOWLING]

[TRIPP SOBBING]

MARSHALL:
Enough already.

Cut it out, look what
you're doing to my house!

I'm sorry.

Lets face it, I'm a walking
disaster area.

Even the way I died was stupid.

TRIPP:
I was k*lled in 1929.

I'd been in love with Mary
since the second I saw her.

I was so shy. I couldn't bring
myself to tell her.

So I wrote her
a letter instead.

I was on my way to deliver it.
But I was so in love, I didn't
look where I was going.

I didn't see that milk truck
turning the corner.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

You see,

I'm not allowed to go past
the spot where I was k*lled.

I can't walk across the street
to Mary's house.

But you can.

Please, you have to do this.

I've been waiting
for sixty-two years.

Once that letter
gets delivered,
I can rest.

Oh man, why do these things
happen to me?

MARSHALL: That night,
Simon and I put Operation
Love Sick into effect.

It was a two-pronged attack.

MARSHALL:
Okay, you get the door.

Can I help you?

My name is Matt, how are you?

I am conducting a survey in your
neighborhood.

Would you mind answering
a few questions? Thank you.

Yeah, I guess so.

Do you mind if I...

Do you mind
if I start over again?

This time don't say anything.

Haven't I seen you before?

MARSHALL:
I really didn't
want to do this.

But I guess there are some
things you gotta risk
your neck for.

And I guess love
is one of them.

[FLOORBOARD CREAKING]

Who's there?

I have perfect hearing.
I also have a g*n!

[WHISPERING]
A g*n?

You, stop right there.

Ah, you again?

Please, ma'am,
you gotta listen to me.
I don't want to be doing this.

Stay right there,
while I call the police.

Tripp wrote this the day
he was k*lled.

He died delivering
this letter, ma'am.

Don't you even wanna hear
what it says?

"Dearest Mary,
love of my life,

"In this short letter
it will never be possible

"to say how much I love you.

"There isn't a single dictionary
in the world that describes
the love I have for you."

Hello, now.
Is this the Eerie police?

"Please let me give you
a lifetime of love
and happiness.

"Let me keep away everything
that is rough or mean
or ugly from you.

"If this poor letter means
anything to you,

"meet me at the World O' Stuff
tomorrow night,
November 10th, 1929."

Never mind.

"Your devoted admirer,
forever and ever,
Tripp McConnel."

[AMUSED GIGGLE]

He was always so corny.

All these years...

Today is November 10th.
Time to go for it.

MARSHALL:
Okay. Be careful.

MARY:
I can't believe I'm doing this.

You gotta be kidding?

[MARY GIGGLING]

Yo, Tripp! Are you here?

Give me a break.

First I can't get rid of him.
Now he won't appear.

Tripp, where are you?

Oh, I get it.

He's expecting a pretty


All he's getting
is a faded old bat.

Well. I'm outta here.

[ELECTRICITY STATIC]

[WIND BLOWING AND CLATTERING]

Tripp.

Oh Tripp.

I was thinking
of not showing up.

I'm kinda nervous, Mary.

Oh, Tripp. You look great.
How have you been?

Well, I've been
kinda dead, Mary.

Oh, of course.

And you?

Kinda old, I guess.

But still beautiful.

Did you ever...
you know, get married?

Six times.

Six times? Mary...

[CHUCKLES]

None of them worked out.

They just weren't you.

Geez, it's good to see
you again, Mary.

Oh, it is.

Maybe we should get outta here.

MARSHALL:
The next day,
everything seemed to be normal.

Even that weird spell
Tripp put over my family
was gone.

I just don't understand it.
Why does my cereal
taste like garlic?

That is so strange.
[SNIFFS]

All my clothes smell
like garlic too.
I just don't understand.

Me? Did I do something?

You were on vampire patrol last
night, weren't you?

That's why the whole house
smells like garlic.

[SHEEPISH CHUCKLE]
I don't know
what you're talking about.

Marshall, you gotta come quick!
Something happened
at the World O' Stuff!

[AMBULANCE DOOR SHUTS]

What happened?

Her heart must have
just given up.

Almost got 'em.

Look.

Marshall, now's your chance.

Nah, forget about it.

[SIMON SNORTS]

TRIPP:
Go for it, Mars.

Hello,
what are you doing up there?

It wasn't me.
It was this ghost.

Hi.
[CHUCKLES]

MARSHALL:
I was pretty nervous.

But Tripp and Mary had
taught me what happens
to people who wait too long.

I didn't want it
to happen to me.

Hi. I'm Marshall.

I'm Andrea.

MARSHALL:
Simon and I did pretty good.

A nice young couple
was re-united.

Sure they'd to die
to do it.

But, better late
then never, right?

And a letter written 62 years
ago finally got delivered.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]