01x19 - The Broken Record

[bunniefuu]

My name is Marshall Teller.

I knew my new hometown
was going to be different

from where I grew up
in New Jersey,

but this is ridiculous.

Nobody believes me,
But, Eerie, Indiana

is the center of weirdness
for the entire planet.

[CAWING]

Item, Elvis lives
on my paper route.

Thank you, little paper boy.

Item, Bigfoot eats
out of my trash.

Item, Even man's best friend
is weird.

Still don't believe me?
You will.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CROW CAWING]

MARSHALL: Back in Jersey,

the Pit Bull Surfers
were real popular
with all the metal-heads.

I like 'em 'cause
they're so dumb.

Well, one day
they finally hit Eerie.

Unfortunately they hit
my friend
Tod McNulty the hardest.

His family lost their farm
about a year ago and his dad
was still out of work.

Hey man, check out these guys.

Eardrum Lobotomy
is mega funny.

I thought a little mindless
head-banging music would
cheer him up,

maybe change his outlook.

I was only too right.

"No one understands you.

"No one digs your dream.

"Just crank up the music.

"Don't wanna hear
your parents scream.

"What you need is an..."

[SCREAMING] "Eardrum lobotomy!
Eardrum lobotomy!
Yeah yeah yeah!"

Cool!
[CHUCKLES]

SIMON: You guys,

that's nothin'.
Listen to this.

"We've only just begun to live.

"White lace and promises.

"A kiss for luck
and we're on our way."

Awesome.

Uh... Simon, we need
to have a little talk.

[CLATTERING]

TOD: Here we go.

MARSHALL:
Looks like an antique.

TOD:
My dad gave it to me
for my eleventh birthday.

Back when we were getting along.

[WHIRRING]

[UPTEMPO DRUMS AND
GUITARS PLAYING]

* No one understands you

I can't understand
what they're saying.

[YELLING]
Isn't that a little loud?

Louder?
Okay!

[DOOR OPENS]
PHIL: Tod!

Turn that garbage off right now
or I'll throw that record
player out the window, hear me?

What's wrong with you?
Aren't you stupid enough?

Isn't your brain
already full of mush?

You wanna pollute that worthless
mind of yours even more? Hm?

Why can't you study more?
Why aren't you doing
your chores?

Why do you have
to be such a loser?

Why can't you...

MARSHALL:
Sometimes a kid's gotta
be careful what he listens to.

Especially in his own house.

Especially in Eerie.

[RATTLING AND SONG PLAYS ON]

* Playing into your brain

What's wrong with you?
Aren't you stupid enough?

Isn't your brain
already full of mush?

You wanna pollute that worthless
mind of yours even more?

Why can't you get a haircut?
Why can't you study...

MARSHALL:
Poor Tod, his dad
was really giving it him.

I knew the guy
was under incredible stress,

but nobody deserves
that kind of treatment.

You see? Why be such a loser?
I'm under a lot of stress.

KATHLEEN:
Phil, not again. Tod.

Just leave me alone!

Phil, why do you do this?
Why are you always at the boy?

Stay out of this here.

In front of his friends!
How can you do this?

Hi. [NERVOUS CHUCKLE]

I'm Marshall and this is Simon.

And I think we'll be
leaving now.

It's was a pleasure.
C'mon Simon.

[KATHLEEN SIGHS]

Phil!
I don't wanna hear it.

[SIGHS IMPATIENTLY]
Phil...

[SNIFFLING]

[DOOR SHUTS]

SIMON:
Boy, does your dad know my dad?
They could start a club.

You okay, man?

Are you kidding?

I love getting my old man
worked up like that!
It's really great!

MARSHALL: Say, uh Tod.

You wanna come over to my house?

Eat dinner with us or something?

Nah. I'm cool.

I'm gonna go buy some more
Pit Bull Surfers records
for my old man.

See ya guys.

Man, his dad's gonna k*ll him.

[CRACKLING AND SCRATCHING]

[GURGLING AND SQUELCHING]

MARSHALL: That same night
my parents were up late.

They were waiting and
waiting and waiting
for Syndi to come home.

[POLICE SIREN SOUNDING]

[SIGHS] She's alive.

She's dead.

[CUP CLINKING]
[MARILYN SIGHS]

Goodnight Officer!
Thanks for letting me
play with the siren.

Syndi Marie Priscilla Teller.

MARILYN: Syndi,

it's one in the morning,

where on earth have you been?

You know I've been doing that
police ride-along project
for the school paper?

You know, where you ride along
with the police to observe
what they're doing? Okay.

So I'm riding along with
Officer Derek taking notes

while and he's blabbing
on and on

about the subtleties
of handcuffing.

When he gets this call
over the police radio,

You see there'd been
this disturbance down
at the Eerie Bingo Parlor,

I'm mean how dangerous
could it be, right?

So, we rushed to the scene
but when we get there,

we find eighteen screaming
grandmothers fighting over
who cried "bingo" first

and Derek tries to get control
but a chair is thrown

there's chaos, cursing,

hearing A*DS dentures
and go flying.

Derek totally panics,
he calls in reinforcements
and within two minutes

there are seven cop cars,
two police helicopters,

and the entire
volunteer SWAT team

I mean,
a whole lot o' nasty
hardware at the suspects.

Took 'em hours to get control.
It was great! I got it all
right here on paper.

Syndi... It's...

late and you should
go to bed now, but...

in the morning we're going
to talk about you transferring
to a safer class,

maybe... horticulture.

SYNDI: And do what?

Watch the corn grow?

Dad, I'm a journalist.

I mean I feel I have
finally found myself.

Well, I feel that
you should find yourself

in safer circumstances
from now on.

SYNDI: Mom...

We'll talk about it
in the morning, hon'.

Okay.

Good Night.

MARSHALL:
You gotta admit,
I'm pretty lucky.

Not everyone gets parents
as cool and smart and
understanding as mine.

We're lost.

We're doomed.

[ EARDRUM LABOTOMY PLAYING]

On the other hand, that night
I couldn't help wondering how
Tod was doing with his folks.

[TOD SINGING ALONG]
* What you need is an
Eardrum labotomy

* No more chairs
No more pain

* The house is more
Important than you are

* The car is more
Important than you are

* The job is more
Important than you are

* Face the facts

* No one cares
If you live or die *

[DOOR BANGS]

Turn that puke
you call music off
and go to bed

before you destroy
what few brain cells
you have left.

Okay?

[EXHALES]

[SIGHS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

KATHLEEN: Tod.
I'm in bed. I'm in bed.

You okay?

Hm.

Tod, I know this is hard
for you to understand, but...

Your dad doesn't mean
to hurt your feelings. He's...

he's just having
a hard time these days.

We all are.

It doesn't mean
he doesn't still love you.

Why doesn't he tell me himself?

I don't know.

You go to sleep now, 'night.

[CLICK AND WHIRRING]

* Come change your head

* C'mon change your face!

* If you're lucky
They'll think you're dead *

PHIL: Tod? Tod? Do you hear me?

* What we need
Is an Eardrum Lobotomy *

[PHIL BANGING]
Turn that music off!

SIMON:
* We only just begun to live,
a kiss for luck *

Will you stop that?

Marshall, look.

What's happenin', man?
What it is.

What isn't.
What it woulda been.
What it mighta been.

MARSHALL:
His mom's old earring?

His school jacket
covered by Pit Bull logos,

black shoe polish in his hair.

Something had gotten
a hold of Tod.

Um... [CHUCKLES] you've changed.

You'll never guess what.

Pit Bull Surfers are coming to
Indianapolis in two weeks.

Tickets go on sale today.

Wanna go with me?
Score some front row seats?

Uh...

People are already
campin' out overnight.

It's gonna be a major blast,
man. It's gonna go down
in history.

Well, uh, you know, Tod.

I'm not really that
into the Pit Bull Surfers.

I mean, you know,

with all that dumb n*zi stuff.
I kinda think they're a joke,
don't you?

These guys tell
like it is, Marshall.

I owe it to them to go!

Man, I thought you were cool.

[SIMON SINGING]

PHIL:
Why aren't you at practice?

I'm not going.

What do you mean,
you're not going to practice?

Now, what's with
that earring?

Hm?

What's with the hair?

It's that music, isn't it?
Tells you to act this way,
don't it?

That's the message, isn't it?

Secret messages in the music,
aren't there?

Now, why do .I get the feeling
I'm talking to myself? Do you
think I enjoy that?

Do you think it's fun talking
to yourself all the time?

"No one understands you!
No one digs your dream!

"Just crank up the music.
Don't wanna hear your
parents scream!"

PHIL:
Tod, where are you going?

MARSHALL: It wasn't just that
Tod changed his clothes
or trashed his room.

Something a lot more evil
than rock 'n' roll seemed
to be taking over Tod's life.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Trouble at 6 o'clock.

Marshall! Get over here!
Something is wrong
with Tod!

MARSHALL:
Tod! What are you doing?

TOD: What do you care?
I can't take it no more, man.

I'm going to Indianapolis.
Gonna get tickets
to the concert.

Maybe even join the band.

Are you nuts?
Your parents are gonna
have a meltdown.

They don't even know I'm alive.

But hitchhiking
is dangerous.
Good!

Tod, what if like,
I don't know if...

you and your dad,
like, did stuff together.

Yeah! Like if you two
went fishing or something.

Fishing? Guys,
I'm a head-banger,
I don't do fishing.

But that's just it.
You're not a head-banger.

You're Tod McNulty.
The guy I helped
with his math homeworks.

The Surfers say you can be
whatever you wanna be.

But the Pit Bull Surfers
are just a band.

Your dad's your life.
The Surfers don't care
about you.

PHIL: If I find that boy,
he's in serious trouble.

Can we just find him
first, please?

All right, all right.

Marshall! Simon!
Have you seen Tod?

Um... No.
Sorry.

If you see that idiot
son of mine, you tell him
to get home.

I'm gonna destroy

every single record
he has.
Phil, this is not helping!

[BOTH ARGUING]

[PHIL]
Don't do this to me now.

MARSHALL:
Tod don't do this!
Running out of hope.

I gotta get back home
before my dad does!

Tod, this is a big mistake.

Yeah, tell me about it.

This isn't some stupid song,
this is the real world!

Marshall!

DEREK:
My first arrest was a very
moving experience.

I had my police issue
.38 caliber revolver in my hand.

Moonlight gleaming off
the cool steel
of the b*llet chamber...

[MUTTERING] Geez, what a jerk.

POLICE RADIO: Car 13. Car 13.
We have a stolen milk truck.

[TIRES SCREECHING]
MARSHALL: Tod, look out!

Marshall?

Car 13. I've got the milk truck.
Pursuing North Hon Main, over.

I didn't know you could drive!
I can't!

Tod, hit the brakes!
Which one's the brake.

Tod, look out!

[CRASHING AND SCREECHING]

[MILK SPLASHING]

MARSHALL:
It was the biggest milk truck
crash in the history of Eerie.

There was yogurt,
cottage cheese
and milk all over the place.

The whole town came out
to look and eat.

I got through the accident okay
but Tod was pretty messed up.

He was lying on a stretcher
in a lot of pain.

Looking more like a little kid
in trouble than the tough
head-banger he wanted to be.

I told my story to the Eerie
Police while those weird twins
were taking care of Tod.

Hey, pal.
How ya doing?

Gonna live?

Mars, Simon, I gotta get home.

My dad's gonna hemorrhage.
He's gonna destroy
all my records.

OLD ERNIE:
Sorry, son. The only place
you're going...

is Eerie General
for some x-rays.

Can't ya just sh**t me instead?

TWINS: Hm.

OLD BERT: Um-um.
OLD ERNIE: Nah.

MARSHALL:
Poor guy. He couldn't even make
a decent rebel.

Tod, rather than call
your folks, I thought I'd go by
there in person

and tell them the news.

It means extra work for me,
of course, but,
I'm prepared to do it.

Don't tell them!
I'm dead if you tell them!

I'm sorry, Tod. I have to.
Duty calls, you know.

I am sworn to uphold the law.

I am sworn to protect and defend
the fine citizens of Eerie.

I am sworn to...

Okay, everybody, the boy's fine.

You can all
go to your homes now.

Go home and think about
what happened here today.

Think about it very, very hard.

SYNDI: C'mon, Marshall,
let's go home.
I think I got a story here.

Marshall wait,
get to my house before
my Dad destroys my records.

Don't worry about the records,
Tod. You just worry
about yourself.

You gotta stop him, man!
You gotta!

MARSHALL:
As they loaded Tod in the
ambulance,

I couldn't help wondering
what caused all of this.

Was Tod's dad right?

Were there really
secret messages
in the Pit Bulls' music?

I had to find out.

[POLICE SIREN WAILING]
SYNDI: Marshall! Wait!

You gotta take us
to Tod's house.

You don't know his dad,
he's nuts and I don't know
what it is,

but there's something
really weird going on there.

Get in.

KATHLEEN: Stop, Phil,
what are you doing?
You don't know what...

Oh, Tod...
Look at this.

See what I'm talkin' about?

Think I want to lose my son
to some idiot rock band? Huh?

Phil, Phil stop it.

[OLD ERNIE] Turn right.

OLD BERT:
No, the hospital is left.

OLD ERNIE:
The hospital is right.
The mortuary is left.

OLD BERT:
Let's go straight.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

MARSHALL:
I hope we're not too late.

Stand back!
SIMON: Wait.

Rats.

You've got to stop him. He's...

Let me guess, okay?
That fool son of mine
is in trouble again, right?

It's the music right?
Rock music, isn't it?

Well, I'm a Mantovani man
myself...

It's that sick, commie,
liberal garbage in all
the rock-n-roll, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Sir, I really don't know.

Did something happened
to Tod?
Wasn't his fault.

Don't you think I know who's
fault it is? Listen real careful
and your gonna hear it, right?

Telling you to disobey
parents, drop out
of school, do drugs,

wear an earring
and put on those
tight leather jeans, huh?

Don't you think I know what
I'm talking about? I'll prove
it to you. Come here. Come on.

Come on.

DEREK:
Sir, this isn't necessary.

It isn't? You think I'm nuts?
You think I'm a raving lunatic,
don't you?

Mr. McNulty, I can explain
this whole thing.

Why don't we just listen
to this stuff and see
what happens?

Everybody knows messages
are embedded in rock music.

It's all in here,
backwards, right?

Isn't that how those people
hide their intentions?

Well, they can't hide from me,
can they?

Once I unmask them they're gonna
be hit with a major lawsuit.

MARSHALL:
Mr. McNulty,

Tod's a real good kid
and maybe
if you just talk to him.

Major law suit. Right? Right.

Maybe you could
take him fishing.

Got it. This is the one
he listens to the most, right?

Right, honey?

Backwards, right?

Don't you have to play
the record backwards
to hear the message?

This is what's ruining
my kid, right?

MARSHALL:
We heard something all right.

A sound coming from the depths
of the record player,

a deep, frightening voice.

[PHIL'S VOICE ON RECORD]

Tod, turn that garbage off
right now or I'm going to throw
that record player out

the window, you hear me?

Why can't you pull your own
weight? Do I have to do
everything for you?

What is wrong with you?
Aren't you stupid enough?

Isn't your mind already full
of mush? Wanna pollute that
worthless brain of yours more?

Why can't you get a haircut?

Why can't you study more?
Why can't you do your chores?

Turn that puke you call
music off, go to bed,

before you destroy the few
brain cells you've left.

Why aren't you at practice?

Moving ahead on the practice?
What's with that earring?

What's with the hair?

It's that music that tells you
to act this way, doesn't it?

That's the message?
Secret messages in the music,
aren't there?

Sick commie liberal garbage
in all that rock 'n' roll,
isn't it?

Don't you think I know
who's fault it is?

Listen real carefully,
it'll tell you how to disobey
your parents,

drop out of school, do drugs,
wear an earing
and right leather jeans.

Why do I get the feeling
I'm talking to myself?
Do you think I enjoy that?

Do you think it's fun talking
to yourself all the time?

MARSHALL:
I used to feel
real sorry for Tod.

Now I wasn't sure.
I was starting to feel a little
sorry for his dad, too.

Where's my son? Where's Tod?

Right here, dad.

I'm sorry.

[EMOTIONAL]
You guys...

SYNDI:
Okay, you're right,

it is can be kinda dangerous
riding around in a police car,

living on the edge.
I could've gotten hurt.

Also could've gotten
the story of a lifetime.

Sweetheart, your father and I
don't want to stifle
your creativity.

We just want you
to be cautious, that's all.

Do you think Jane Pauly
got where she is
by playing it safe?

[SCOFFS]

I just wanna walk on
the wild side.

But, you guys are right
about the police.

As a matter of fact,
I already asked my teacher
for another project.

Thank you.
[VEHICLE HONKING]

Uh, there's my assignment.

[DOOR SHUTS]

[INDISTINCT INSTRUCTIONS
ON RADIO]

[FIRE TRUCK HONKING]

It's just a...

Phase. It's just a...

Phase.
Yeah.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey you guys, what's going on?

Please tell us something
that won't terrify us.

Well, you wouldn't believe me
if I told you. 'Night.

[RELIEVED MOAN]

MARSHALL:
It could have been
a hallucination, right?

I mean, a person's voice can't
really be recorded backward
on a record, can it?

I had to find out for myself.

So I took my copy of
the Pit Bull Surfers
Live at Carnegie Hall

and put it on Tod's turntable.

SIMON:
* One day and promises

* A kiss for luck
And we're on our way

* We've only just begun

[GIGGLING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]