01x12 - Mr. Lucky

[bunniefuu]

I do solemnly swear that everything

I am about to tell you is true.

A spill of weirdness from

another dimension turned my

hometown into the center of

weirdness for the entire universe.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

A famous playwright once

said that each of us, face to

face with other men, is

clothed with some sort of dignity.

At the world of stuff, that

concept is not always a lie.

Here we are gentlemen, two

Tom Turkey Open Face specials.

One extra gravy, one cranberry madness.

Enjoy.

As a matter of fact, I've

always considered Turkey

special day at the world

of stuff to be a celebration.

A festival, if you will.

Hey, a kid.

A weirdness.

Yeah, you.

Look like you know your

way around the butter ball.

Well, Stanley and me come here quite a bit.

Did you eat that whole Turkey by yourself?

Every bite.

I'd have gotten sick.

I guess I'm just lucky.

How about you kid?

You're lucky.

How about you?

Oh, how about a wee pull of the wishbone?

That's kid stuff.

Oh, afraid of a bit of healthy competition.

All right, all right.

Mitchell's not afraid of nothing.

Stanley, that's not entirely true.

Well, come on then.

Who knows, maybe you'll get a lucky break.

On the count of three,

you just give it a pull.

One.

Two.

Three.

Three.

What are you laughing about?

He's the lucky one.

That's right.

I haven't told Taylor.

That's the one million

customer here in all the stuff.

You are the lucky winner of our free

Turkey dinner every week for a whole year.

Congratulations.

It's your wishbone stuff really works.

Oh, you haven't seen anything.

Get used to it, kid.

I just won Mr. Crawford's contest,

and I should have been feeling good.

Instead, my spider sense

was tingling a mile a minute.

How could I know that I just

won more than Turkey dinners?

I'd won a three-course

blue-plate special of weirdness.

It's not every day you win the eerie

poultry world's most coveted prize.

I couldn't wait to tell my folks.

Of course, as usual, they had

some surprises of their own for me.

We've been waiting for you, then, man.

I'd better be going.

You should hear this too.

This came in the mail today.

Your report card?

Well, look, I can't switch.

Straight A's.

I don't know how you did it,

son, but we are so proud of you.

I think this calls for a celebration.

What do you say we

take our scallor on a trip to

Erieland for a double long

ride on the Ring of Fire?

Wow!

Thanks, guys.

Hi, myself.

We heard about the

report card, and we were

wondering if you could

help us with our homework.

I guess you can never

tell when you're going

to run face-first into

a streak of good luck.

When I hit this one, I

sure wasn't ready for it.

All I knew was I was enjoying it big time.

Oh, I see.

Thank you.

That's strange.

My great-uncle, Samuel, Doug.

Well, funny thing is, they just read his

will, and he left everything he had to you.

To me?

He never even met me.

$3,000 in a brass cat sculpture.

I always like that cat sculpture.

Carrie!

Someone at the door for you?

I'm not here!

It's fair!

I'm here!

Mitchell, I'll be back in one minute.

If this connects, call me.

Uh, Mitchell Taylor.

Well, Mitchell, you're ready to give me the

answer to the money question of the day?

You see, it isn't my phone call.

It's my sister's awful getter.

Sorry, son.

It's got to be the person

on the line when I pick up.

You've got 10 seconds to name the

three most requested songs on WYRD radio.

Well, I don't know that.

Hey, I guess.

Maybe you'll get lucky.

Come on!

Time's ticking down!

Three seconds!

Two seconds!

One!

Pub goes the Weasel stairway to

Heaven and Celeste Iita from Arbrieta.

Wow, how was some lucky guess?

You just won an all-expense

paid trip to the Russian Riviera.

Mitchell, somebody will contact you later

with the details of your dream vacation.

Thanks.

Mitchell

Once again, that was Lucky

Mitchell Taylor, who just

won the money question of

the day here on Radio W1.

You stole my prize!

So there it was out in the front porch

from the prize patrol drove up, right?

And they were like, what's your name?

So I was like, well, I don't know.

Cause I didn't know it entered

the contest in the first place, right?

I figured at first that being the

luckiest guy in town would be pretty cool.

But I had turned into a luck magnet.

Every available bit of

luck in the vicinity was

drawn towards me as if

by some unexplained force.

Being lucky was great, but sometimes it's

possible to get too much of a good thing.

Especially when you're

getting everybody else's too.

Stanley, I've got major problems.

We have to talk.

Not now, Mitch.

I got it.

Is it Crawford? I know it.

Alrighty. Guess away.

3,400 and 77.

I got it, didn't I?

Did I get it?

Not even close.

Stanley, I'm trying to tell

you that I'm in trouble here.

Anything good that can

happen to me is happening.

Got a terminal case of good luck.

I think you're exaggerating.

I mean, no one can have that much luck.

Oh, yeah? Watch this.

Mr. Crawford.

My guess is that there are

4,672 jelly beans in this jar.

How did you, uh, do that?

Just lucky, I guess.

Do you know what I mean?

Me, Mitchell.

Do you know what this means?

It means I'm drowning in good luck.

No, what it means is that we

can rule the world with your luck.

And my greed.

We can go into the lottery business.

And then a couple of fake mustaches.

Some doctorate ID.

Yeah, yeah.

We can run out for our winnings in Vegas.

That's not what we can do.

We must not quickly.

Stanley!

I'm missing the point.

My life's been trashed ever

since I won that wishbone pole.

Somehow that guy must

have done something to me.

We have to find him and make

him take his good luck back.

That might be hard.

Not for the luckiest kid near me.

Todd McLachlan.

It seemed my impossible luck was holding.

Todd lived in a ritzy house

in the best part of Erie.

Only problem was, when we

got there, it had burned down.

But as luck would have it, Todd's

neighbors directed us to his new address.

It was about as far away from the

best part of Erie as you could go.

Oh, you.

No matter time.

Alright, come on in then.

It's been trying to put a picture up.

I hit the same finger three times.

Bad luck.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

We, uh, heard about

your house burning down.

Not that place.

It's too big for me to keep up anyway.

Lost the house, the car.

Investments all went bad.

It's all gone.

You don't sound too broken up about it.

Are you joking?

I'm loving it.

Until the other day, I was

the luckiest fellow in Erie.

But all of that's changing now, hasn't it?

Now I can't catch a break to save my life.

So, you like having bad luck?

No, I've never thought

how born it might be.

To win every game you've ever played.

To always be in the right

place at the right time.

Well, it's enough to make you crazy.

I'm beginning to understand that.

You know, I think you did something to me.

Somehow you gave me your luck.

What?

What?

What?

Which one game thing?

No, no.

You won that far and square.

No, I didn't ask for this luck.

And I want you to take it back.

What'd you relax?

There's loads of people

that k*lled me in your shoes.

Well, I don't want them

and you can take them back.

Sorry, you're stuck with it.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I've got a picture to hang.

You know, you're not

going to get away with this.

I'm going to make you take that luck back.

What are you going to do? Sue me?

You don't have to exact it.

As bizarre as it sounded,

Todd's suggestion

seemed like the only

way out of this dilemma.

Luckily, my civics class was

studying small claims court that week.

Even luckier was the fact they

needed a test case to study.

And that mine was chosen.

And a fan of the plaintiff

will approach the bench.

Sure, I'd been lucky so far.

But something told me that

Todd wasn't going to give up easily.

To win this case, it

would take more than luck.

It might take a miracle.

In Northern town, but Erie,

could someone win a dumb

wishbone but would become

the luckiest kid in town?

And in Northern town, could

that person find themselves

in a vicious court battle

to win their old life back?

Unfortunately, I was in

that town, and I was that kid.

That doesn't look good, Mitch.

Jerry's already leaning

toward the other side.

The defendant will please tell

the court why he is nursing his foot.

Oh, yes, Your Honor.

I was chasing the fellas

that were towing my car

away when I started to

be chased by a dog myself.

So what I did was I jumped

on top of a milk truck.

What the milk truck got in an accident

tonight, I was thrown over a bridge.

But I'll be fine. I will be fine.

This is the moment I've

been waiting for, Mitch.

My degree from the Perry Mason Correspondent

School of Laws, I'm about to be tested.

Your Honor, this man's bad

luck's sad though it may be.

Only supports my client's contention.

The Todd didn't pass off his own

incredible good luck to my client.

Thereby, post-hoc-deproc, ruining his

Mr. Taylor, there are

those in the court today

who find it difficult to

believe that luck exists.

Could you tell us, in

your own words, what's

been happening to you

over the last few days?

Well, I won the Turkey Special

Contest, and the jelly bean count.

I inherited $3,000 in a

brass cat sculpture, and

I won the eerie lottery

without even entering.

Yeah, and then I found this

really, excuse me, objection.

Although the boys had

a fortunate few days,

that does not prove

some supernatural power.

Agreed, Councillor.

Mitchell, do you think you can give

us any demonstration of this luck?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Alrighty, Mitchell, I'm thinking

of a number between one and

Correct.

Lucky guess.

Hold it!

That's not so lucky.

Very well.

Mitchell, could you tell me how

much change is in the judge's pocket?

I guess it would be one

quarter, and the date on it is 1962.

Lucky guess.

Yes.

Mr. Taylor, do you have any

reason to believe that your

son has been cursed with

an unnatural amount of luck?

Well, I don't think

cursed would be the word.

But you have noticed he's become

luckier over the last few days.

You can say that again.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone with

such a streak, and it's just not natural.

Yeah, thank you, Mr. Taylor.

Your witness, Councillor.

Hi.

Mr. Taylor, do you believe that luck

can be passed like the common cold?

No, of course not. I'm a scientist.

Of course.

Um, so, what was it exactly that made you?

Did you say Mitchell had become

luckier these last few days?

Well, there's a few things.

Well, one thing he snatched an

inheritance right from under my nose.

He did not.

I love that cat.

And another thing, he stole his

sister's prize from the radio station.

He even won a citation

from the Erie Nuclear

League that my wife

was supposed to get.

So, if you don't believe

in luck per se, then that

means that these incidents were

more display of I don't know.

Selfishness?

Yeah.

You know what?

That's just what I would say.

Yeah.

Now, taking everything that

everybody else could have

had a chance at, I think,

is pretty darn selfish.

Sorry, son.

Mr. Hope.

It's my understanding that you were

actually present during the wishbone pool.

Uh, uh, yeah, that's right.

That guy tricked my

friend into doing some

stupid contests and stuck

him with his dumb luck.

You know, you'd think a boy like you would

be happy for a friend who was so lucky.

Yeah, it's just he hasn't done

anything for me with all his good fortune.

Really? Nothing at all?

I have one little request,

one simple little request.

A couple of lottery tickets parlayed

into a k*lling on the stock market.

All's I need to stay for my empire!

And will we do it?

Not on your life.

What kind of a friend is that?

Not much of a friend.

Tell the truth.

Mitchell won that wishbone

pool fair and square, didn't he?

Yeah.

Yeah, he did!

It was all in the open up!

Mitchell won that ball

pool fair and square!

Defense and rest, you're on it.

Oops.

Things don't look so good, Mitch.

Things don't look so good.

Sure I had won the wishbone

competition fair and square.

But how?

How do you beat the luckiest guy in Erie?

That's when it hit me.

Are you okay?

How much did you get in there anyway?

Enough.

Hey.

My captain became a rock!

What are we looking for?

The evidence that will

prove Todd has cursed

me with the best luck

anyone could ask for.

I know you got some angle figure.

Whatever it is, forget about it, alright?

Don't be sticking me with the good luck.

Why not?

You did it to me.

I've had it on me in life!

As long as I can remember,

people have resented me.

That's the first time

anyone's ever really liked me.

Did you not see the faces

of those people in the jury?

They didn't like you.

They felt sorry for you.

There's a big difference.

Maybe if you tried sharing your luck,

people would appreciate you more.

Your honor!

If the plate is finished

with his stalling

tactics, may we please

proceed with the verdict?

Not so fast.

Your honor, my client has

provided me with fresh evidence.

Which I believe will

turn the tide of this case.

The plate if calls Todd

McLachlan to the stand.

I don't like the idea of this.

That's it.

Comfy?

Mr McLachlan, did you in fact enter into a

wishbone pole competition with my client,

Mitchell Taylor?

Well, I might have.

Yes, I did.

Yes, sure.

Well then, you should have no

difficulty recognizing this thing.

Yes!

Your honor, I would like

to enter into evidence.

Exhibit A, or more accurately, the

part of the poultry of the first part.

Chicken bone?

Turkey bone.

I've never seen that before in my life.

Oh, I think you have.

Todd McLachlan is that not the

very bone used in the wishbone

pole competition between you

and my client, Mitchell Taylor.

Your honor, he's badgering the witness.

I think that a forensic

examination of the aforementioned

ossius tissue will reveal

that one end of that bone,

the end that you were holding, Mr McLachlan,

has been sawed almost clean through.

I think you will agree,

your honor, that this

confirms the unlawful

transfer of good fortune.

And I firmly believe that

the jury has no other option

but to support the transfer of

the said luck back to the original.

Alright, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I didn't want to be the fellow that

everybody handed things to in life.

I didn't want to be the

fellow that everyone resented.

I sure didn't want to be the fellow

that got up here and confessed.

Bad luck.

I'm sorry for sticking

you with the luck, kid.

If you don't want it, I'll take it.

I want big time.

That's it?

That's it?

That's it.

Oh, that feels better.

Oh, my back's been bothering me all week.

You know, this might turn

out to be better anyway.

You know, I haven't won a lottery all week.

I was afraid of my cap to go find a job.

Look at this.

A lottery ticket.

What do you want to bet? It's a winner.

Maybe I didn't even try

to share it at this time.

You think I'll win the lottery, Mitch?

Let's put it this way.

I wouldn't bet against him.

I'm sorry I got mad at you, too.

I don't worry about it.

I'm just glad that

everything's back to normal

and everyone's got their

own share of luck back.

You know.

You could have bought a couple of

lottery tickets before you gave it back.

Who says that I didn't?

I guess when you get

down to it, having all good

luck can sometimes be

worse than having all bad luck.

One thing I've learned, though, is

it's best not to trust and luck at all.

It's best if you make your own.