07x01 - Waking History/Pranks Fore Nothing

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong ba*ls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[adventurous music]

♪ ♪

[static crackles]

- A little more to your left!

OK, hold out your right arm.

Bend it degrees now.

Lift the satellite a little higher.

Now, right leg up.

Ah, we got it!

- Tonight on "The Dream Boat,"

who will Kelly choose to stay on board,

and who will have to walk the plank?

- Shoo, squirrel.

Ow.

[audio changing rapidly]

- Wait! Hold it right there, TODD!

- I'm Katherine Mulligan coming to you live

from the future home of Guten Morgen Vietnam,

Royal Woods' new schnitzel banh mi fusion restaurant.

Dr. Alvarez, the head of the Royal Woods Museum,

is about to speak.

Let's listen.

- Ooh, Dr. A,

my favorite paleontologist.

- Good morning, members of the scientific community.

Today, we have made an exciting discovery.

Workers have uncovered an ancient ice cave

under this very construction site.

- [gasps]

- And that's not all.

They've also unearthed

a fully preserved prehistoric woman!

- Whoa.

- She'll be transported

to the Royal Woods History Museum

and put on display in a subzero exhibit.

[static crackles]

- Aah! Ow.

- Oh, good thinking, TODD.

We must go see Dr. Alvarez

ASAP.

[exciting music]

Dr. Alvarez, congratulations on this historic discovery.

- Well, thank you, Lisa.

Oh, I can't wait to take her DNA sample.

Imagine how much we can learn.

- I'll do you one better, Doc.

As it happens, I just completed my reanimator machine.

Think how much we could learn

if we brought her back to life!

- Hmm. As impressive as that looks,

I can't let you use it.

There's no telling how this creature would

respond to a new environment.

- Doc, I hear you, I really do.

But give me five minutes and bing, bang, boom,

you and I have our Nobel Prizes.

- I'm sorry, Lisa, but the answer is no.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

my scientists' club has a volleyball game tomorrow,

and I need to practice my spikes.

[grunts]

- You are just going to reanimate her anyway,

aren't you?

- TODD, we have a scientific obligation

to solve the universe's greatest mysteries.

And if that leads to a museum wing

being named after me, who am I to quibble?

- But how are we going to do it?

- Dr. Alvarez will be out

for her volleyball tournament tomorrow.

It'll be the perfect time.

We'll go early, before the museum opens.

Looking forward to meeting you, prehistoric woman.

[music playing loudly]

- [humming]

- Ah! Ocular interference!

- [gasps]

- [humming]

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

- OK, TODD. We have to be very careful

when we extract her from the ice.

- Initiate mega headbutt.

Sorry, I have been watching

a lot of wrestling.

- OK, let's reanimate some history.

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

[loud expl*si*n]

[coughing] - Cough, cough.

[anticipatory music]

- Hmm.

No response.

♪ ♪

Hm, then again, I might not have calibrated it correctly.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Of course I did.

- [slurps] Bleh!

[grunts] - [yelps]

[gasps] My machine worked!

Greetings!

I am Lisa Loud.

What is your name?

- [sniffs]

- Ugh.

- [grunting]

- Of course.

TODD, will you translate for us?

I knew programming you with over one million dialects

would come in handy.

- [grunting]

- She said her name is Frances.

You know, I was just about to say

that she looks like a Frances.

- [grunts]

- [gasps]

Oh, fascinating.

Apparently, people of the Paleolithic era

were already familiar with the concept of fire.

- [grunts]

- The extinct dodo bird.

- [grunting expressively]

- Eh, I'm sure we can find another one.

- [grunting]

- Frances says that Chork's work is overrated.

She finds his pieces on water buffalo derivative.

- Hmm, interesting.

Evidently, they also had an advanced system

of art criticism.

Uh, where did she go?

- [gasping]

[percussive music]

[grunting]

- Ow.

- [gasps]

- Maybe this was a bad idea.

Can we refreeze her?

- Incredible!

Their toolmaking is more advanced than we knew!

- Hmm.

Mm-hmm!

[grunting]

- [gasps] - [shakily] Smooth as butter.

- They'd already invented the wheel!

Remarkable! I don't know what

Dr. Alvarez was so worried about.

This is the breakthrough of the century!

- [screams]

- No need for alarm, Frances.

It's not real.

It's just a model.

Ah! - [screaming]

[sniffs]

[chewing noisily]

- Fascinating. She seems to derive comfort

from synthetic cheese snacks.

[car horn honking]

- [blows raspberry]

- [panicked grunting]

- Frances, no!

Gah! We have to bring her back

before Dr. Alvarez finds out she's missing.

Come on!

- [gasping]

[car horn honking]

[screams]

- You gonna stand there like a Neanderthal?

So that's how it's gonna be, huh?

- [screaming]

- Mr. Grouse, have you by chance seen

a prehistoric woman from the Paleolithic Era nearby?

- Yeah, your hairy friend went that way.

And let her know she's gonna pay for all this!

- [groaning]

[gasps]

[games beeping] Mm.

[excited grunting]

[upbeat music playing]

[gasps]

- Frances is in here somewhere.

Be on alert, TODD.

She's probably scared and confused.

- [grunting]

[laughs]

[cheering]

- High score.

High score. - [gasps]

[screaming]

[kids yelling]

- Remind me to teach her how to operate a door.

- [grunting, panting]

Hmm?

[yells]

[mesmerized vocalizing]

[slurping]

[alarm bell rings]

[pained grunting, yelling]

- Eh, what the foot-long hoagie's going on in here?

Can't a guy tubbie in peace?

- [growls]

[ominous music]

[growling] - Aah!

- [angry grunting]

- Oh, snap. Frances thinks Flip

is her old cave neighbor who stole her woolly mammoth.

- Oh, I don't foresee this ending well.

- [screaming] - Aah!

[grunting]

- [yells]

Hm?

- [yelling]

- [straining]

- Frances, listen.

Despite his prehistoric features,

Flip isn't a Neanderthal!

- Oh, gee, thanks, Brainy Loud!

Here's an idea. Instead of name-calling,

why don't you find a way to help me?

- TODD, use your extendable arms.

- [grunting] - Ah!

Put me back! Put me back!

- [grunting]

- Got any more brilliant ideas?

Ow. - [sighs]

This has gotten out of hand.

- Out of hand?

Too soon, Lisa.

- I don't know what else to do.

There's only one person who can help us.

- You've got Alvarez.

- Dr. A, it's Lisa Loud.

- Lisa? What's--

[grunts] Sorry, what's going on?

- Uh, I've created a bit of a kerfuffle.

Dr. Alvarez! - [panting]

I got here as soon as I could.

I brought our volleyball net to try to catch her.

- Quit gabbing and help me already!

[whimpering] - [grunting]

Ugh! [panting]

- [chuckles nervously] You're OK.

- [growls]

- Huh?

[yelling]

[both gasp]

We're gonna need to calm her down in order to catch her.

But how do you calm down a Neanderthal?

- [snarling]

- Aah!

- [gasps] Synthetic cheese snacks!

Frances! - Huh?

- Catch!

- [crunching]

Mmm.

[slurping]

[crunching]

- Fascinating.

I never would have thought

the Paleolithic brain would react that way

to such a sodium-rich food.

- Thanks for your help, Dr. A.

I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.

- Yeah, and thanks for saving ol' Flip.

But I'm still putting those cheese puffs on your tab!

- I hope you can forgive me, Frances.

I should have known you wouldn't be able

to adapt to our world.

[sighs] Fare thee well.

- [grunts] Friends!

- [gasps] Well, I'll be a primate's uncle!

She spoke the Queen's English!

Dr. Alvarez, maybe Frances does

have the ability to adapt.

Can we keep her?

both: Please?

- Hmm.

And on your left is our newest--

er, oldest member of the museum family, Frances!

Isn't it remarkable

how much she's adapted to the modern world?

- Welcome back to "The Dream Boat,"

where Kelly is about to announce her decision.

- With a heavy heart,

the person walking the plank tonight is...

- [gasps] - Kyle.

- [confused grunt] No!

[grunting] Kyle perfect for Kelly!

[visitors yelling]

- Ah! [chuckles nervously]

Well, almost adapted.

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[all panting]

- No, my Arnold Palmer!

- Don't worry, I got it.

Why couldn't this emergency practice wait

until after lunch?

- I don't know, just hurry!

Niblick's email says to meet him ASAP.

[all panting]

OK, we're here and ready to practice, Coach.

Coach?

That's weird.

Wait.

Has the coach's email address always been

TheNibster@HahaChumps.Prank?

[splattering]

[all yelling]

[laughter]

- Yes!

Ten points for Sand Trap U.

- My blowout is ruined!

Why are you throwing pudding at us?

- You don't know, frosh?

Every year, our teams challenge each other

to the most epic week-long college competition ever...

both: The Prank w*r!

- As the reigning champs,

we get to kick it off by striking first.

It's your move now, Fairway.

[laughter]

- No! Not the Prank w*r!

It is the bane of my existence every year.

No matter how hard we try, we never even come close

to beating the Sand Trap team.

[groans] They're just too good!

- The worst part is that the losing team has to clean

the winners' toilets for a month.

[flies buzzing] [squelching]

- Well, save your plungers, people,

because Lori Loud cleans no one's toilets.

I literally come from the prankiest family ever.

I can so win this for us.

Raj, Marisa, and Ewan,

this is Luan, my little sister

and the best prankster I know.

- Hiya, Lori's golf friends!

Listen to me, and you'll be pranking

like champs in no time--

no ifs, ands, or putts about it.

Anyway... [all screams]

I've prepared a special prank boot camp

that can help you beat Sand Trap U.

- Oof! - But first,

say hello to my tough as nails assistant,

Mr. Coconuts!

That's Commander Coconuts to you.

- Um, hello?

- Are you eyeballin' me, grunt?

Huh? - [laughs nervously]

- Easy, Commander.

They're just kids.

Now it's time to learn the three basic prank types.

Number one, things that go splat!

[laughing]

[bright martial music]

- [grunts]

- Your aim is off, grunt!

Drop and give me ten...

- [whimpers] - Dollars.

Pies don't grow on trees, you know.

- [groans]

- [grunts] - Throw it overhand,

not underhand!

This isn't a beanbag toss!

- [slurps] - And you,

stop licking the pies.

This isn't amateur hour.

[splatters]

Lori, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

Your pie springboarding technique is half-baked.

Watch and learn.

Bullseye!

Right in the piehole.

- Ah, what a relaxing afternoon stroll.

- Oh, no! We can't prank Niblick!

[both gasp]

- Oh, good heavens.

My shoe is untied.

all: Phew.

- Prank type number two,

things that go splash.

I hope you grunts were taking notes.

Now let's see what happens

when someone steps through the lasers.

Chet and Brooke are not gonna know what hit 'em.

[laughs]

- Motion detected.

Sprinklers engaged.

- Good job on rigging those sprinklers, Commander.

Prank type number three,

things that go ka-blam!

For this one, we need a volunteer.

- Ooh, pick me! Pick me!

- You, muscles.

Right this way.

All you have to do is hit

this completely ordinary golf ball.

[suspenseful music]

[loud blast]

[gopher squeaking angrily]

[all scream]

[glasses clinking, all slurping]

Congratulations, team.

You survived boot camp and are ready to prank.

I always knew you had it in you.

Hey! That's not what you told me.

Shh! Quiet, Commander.

Now, before I go,

I want to leave you with something.

- Ooh! Whoopee cushion?

Exploding pie? Fake poop?

- All hilarious, but no.

A little advice-- now that you know

the pranking basics, remember,

anything can be a prank.

And I mean anything.

Even an exit!

[fart noise]

[all coughing]

- Ugh, stink cloud.

- [sighs] Typical Luan.

But she's right. We're ready.

So let's go win this thing!

[sneaky music]

There.

As soon as the Sand Trap team hits a bump, splat!

They'll be pied and glitter bombed.

[laughter] [engine rumbling]

[all screaming]

Marisa, now is not the time for a joyride!

- It's not me!

[gopher squeaking] The cart's driving on its own!

[all screaming]

- Look out!

[all screaming]

[tense music]

[both chuckling]

- Nice try, Fairway.

But we're one step ahead of you.

- Ten points for us.

[laughter]

[all groaning]

- Great plan, Lori.

This will be sure to cause a splash.

- And now we just cover this with fake grass.

Perfect. Come on, let's go hide.

I can't wait to see them fall in.

all: Ah!

[gasping]

[all groan]

- [chuckles] Sorry, chumps.

One step ahead of you again.

And this time,

we did you one better.

Back it up!

- Ten points for us,

plus an extra five for the golf ba*ls.

- [sighs] We are so good.

[laughter]

- There.

All they have to do is trigger the motion sensors

on the sprinklers, and tapioca will go everywhere!

[laughs] We finally got them--

- [whistling] What a marvelous golf course!

Why, it's almost as nice as Fairway's.

[suspenseful music]

- What? Why is Coach Niblick here?

That--that's not part of the plan!

- Ugh, forget the plan!

We're gonna prank our coach at our rival school

with his least favorite dessert?

- Quick, turn it off!

- [strains]

We'll just have to trip the sprinklers ourselves.

Run! [all yelling]

- Motion detected. Sprinklers engaged.

[splattering, yelling]

- From now on, tapioca is my least favorite dessert.

- What in the world is going on here?

This is not how I expect my team to behave.

- Sorry, sir.

I can explain.

- No, I'll do the explaining.

You just fell for the old coach fake-out prank!

[laughs]

- Wow.

We've hit a new scoring record,

and your team still has a whopping zero.

Good luck catching up now.

- Don't worry, we'll get those plungers ready for ya.

[laughter]

[all groan]

- I'm so sorry, everyone.

I thought with Luan's help, we could win.

But Brooke and Chet are just too good--

and honestly, a little terrifying.

- Yep. They've got all the moves.

- And we've got nada, zilch, double zilch--

in other words, nothing.

- [sighs]

- Remember, anything can be a prank.

And I mean anything.

- [gasps] Guys, I know how we can beat Sand Trap U!

- We did it again.

Not like beating Fairway's ever a challenge.

- Here's to another year of not having to clean our toilets.

- We have this prank w*r in the bag!

- Yeah, this is gonna be epic!

- Shh. Come on.

We don't want Brooke and Chet to know

about the outrageous booby traps

we set up all over their golf course.

- Oh, boy. I wouldn't want to be them

when those bad boys go off.

[laughter]

- [laughs] I'm not worried.

- Me neither.

[both laughing nervously]

[whimpering]

Where are they?

Where are the pranks?

The gags?

The booby trap?

- We spent all night tearing apart our golf course,

and we found nothing!

[laughter]

- That's because there is nothing.

both: What?

- A wise prankster once said,

"Anything can be a prank."

And I realized, if that's true,

maybe the best prank of all can be nothing.

- And you guys fell for it.

Boom!

- That is the best prank I've ever seen!

- Compose yourself, Chet!

Fine. You got us.

That doesn't mean you have enough points to win.

- Well, let's see.

We get ten points for every prank.

And since we basically tricked you

into pranking yourselves on all holes of your course,

that's points.

- Sounds like a new scoring record.

- Fine. You win.

Come on, Chet.

- Bye!

We'll see you later today for our toilet cleaning.

Let me know if you need any tips!

- We did it, you guys!

- All thanks to Lori!

all: [chanting] Lori! Lori!

Lori! Lori! Lori!

[gopher whistles]

all: Uh-oh.

[gophers chattering] [all screaming]

- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪