01x08 - Birds

[bunniefuu]

DJ and the fro the fro.

What do you got there, Fro?

Okay, hear me out. What's the worst thing about working in this office? Oh, the lack of nature decor.

Exactly. But all that is about to change. Feast your peepers on this lifealtering specimen of mind-blowing eye candy.

That is the best poster ever. Fro know, right? Until today, The Office bore zero resemblance to a tropical rainforest.

And now it's like we're part of something bigger, something rainier, something forier. Dude, that poster's

like Jesus. The minute you pin it up, people get inspired.

Oh, that was weird. Wa! Those birds are k*lling themselves.

They think your poster is the actual rainforest. Yeah.

Yeah. Chinese wave pool .

Just think of how many of those women are ovulating. It's egg drop soup in there.

I'm surprised any Chinese use a pool because you can't swim until minutes after you eat, which is exactly when they're hungry again.

Yes, that pool does more waving than my brain damaged cousin looking in the mirror.

I wouldn't get in that pool for all the pee in China.

Hey, I can't read that sign out there.

Please tell me what's it say. We have to have subtitles in five languages these days. Now, we don't ask too much to share this land of liberties.

But if it's not too much to ask, could you please speak English? Thank god somebody's protecting the English language.

Sounds like someone's overcompensating for some Mexican blood.

Now, here's why I press one for

English when it's language. Yeah.

That dude should press two for a new haircut.

Really, she should be pressing six for understanding that it might take a full generation to assimilate.

I do not live in China, Mexico.

English is the language of the United States.

My ancestors came to this country on the Mayflower. They didn't have to learn the native language because they had blankets covered in smallpox.

And English is the language of these states. I love this lady. I'm going to

teach her the universal language. The language of b*ner.

Oh, bro. Those poor birds. What are we going to do? We have no choice. We have to take the poster down. I'm sorry, Dee.

Wait, don't touch that poster. But Jim, the birds are dying.

Don't you hear it? Them birds are trying to tell us something.

Uh, okay Jim. You know what else is trying to tell you something? The log I left in the urinal. It's saying, "Get me

out of here cuz I'm not supposed to be here." Bro, come on, man. Let's just hear the guy out. What is it, Jim? What are the birds trying to tell us?

Oh, it's just as I suspected it. It's a Morris code. The birds are giving us an important message. They're saying office warehouse.

Yeah. Yeah. Half off sale start today.

Oh my god, it's true. Look, the office warehouse is having a half off sale that

starts today. But why are the birds telling us that? They're not trying to tell us anything. Everyone knows birds have absolutely no way of communicating.

Oh, the world is a magical, mysterious place to throw. There's a lot we don't understand, but that doesn't mean it isn't real.

Your prices are outrageously high, Supply Max. But I will see to it that we have the office supplies we need, even

if it means bringing our company to financial ruin. Okay, ready for my order?

Supply max. She Mr. Mr. B doesn't know about the sale at the office warehouse.

That's why the birds were trying to tell us that. Oh my god. Wait, Mr. Balding.

DJ, the fro.

Okay, supplyax, here's my order. We need one.

Mr. Balding, hang up that phone. The office warehouse is having a half off sale starting today.

Good god in heaven. How could you have possibly known that? Let's just say a little birdie told me.

The Hawaii chair.

Hi, I'm Aaron Lee with Perfect USA and today we've brought the Hawaii chair to a very busy work environment.

I haven't seen a stool move counter clockwise since I flushed my poop in the southern hemisphere. The coriololis effect.

Oh my gosh, this is amazing. That feels great on my abs. I can really feel this working.

I like simulating sexual thrusting without the annoying side effects of pleasure. I've always dreamed of having circular skid marks. I have a newborn

child and I'm just too darn tired to shake it to death. Well, then you'll love the Hawaii chair.

If you can sit, you can get fit. The Hawaii.

Hey, I can sit. Oh, son of a [ __ ] Fro, did you take down the poster?

Those stupid birds kept smashing into the window. I couldn't concentrate on these sweet clips.

I know why you did it, Fro. You did it because you don't believe in the magic of the birds. Yeah, you're right. I don't.

Well, this is my chance to finally have faith in something. This is my chance to finally watch this sweet new clip we just got from paranoid schizophrenic who stopped taking his meds.

I knew better than to wear my gloves when I was operating late. I knew better than to calibrate while the lady running.

Yeah, I love safety videos.

Totally. They're like s action movies but with a message.

What's the matter? You looking a little impale? Looks like you fingered the wrong guy.

What's the matter? You looking a little impale? Why don't you let off some steam?

Too bad. I had such a crush on her. No propane, no gain.

Look like you just got canned. You're fired.

Somebody need a hand. Shocking revelation.

Why don't you have some friends over for barbecue? Might be nice. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, de I'm putting it back up, but I guarantee you're only setting yourself up for disappointment.

Okay, Jim, what are the birds saying? Printer. Ink. Yes. expl*si*n.

Yes. Keep going. Tragedy. Yes. Too funny.

Ken, get off me.

You You saved my shirt. If that ink had gotten on my shirt, my nickname could have easily become Inky.

Quite possibly the worst nickname ever. Don't thank me, Ken. Thank the birds.

Now, do you believe me, Fro? All right, fine, Deej. If it gives you comfort to think that the birds have some weird

magical power, then so be it. Believe what you want, dude. So long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

The birds have spoken again.

DJ will fly out the window with us birds today at : p.m.

Did you hear that, Fro? The bird said I'm going to be able to fly. I'm going to fly right out that window.

DJ, the pro.

Jeff, did you hear? At :, I'm gonna fly. I'm just gonna open that window right there and sir off into the sky.

The birds said so.

Yeah. Yeah, I heard. It's incredible, DJ. I mean, your faith in the birds is such an inspiration to us all.

Thanks, Jeff. Here, take a pamphlet. And you should come by my bird study group this Sunday. We'll be doing some readings from the book of pigeons. Oh,

Deej, I'm telling you, if you jump out that window, you're going to die. Jim the janitor has you brainwashed. Oh, no.

Jim the janitor is merely translating what the birds are saying, and the birds are merely translating a message from the beyond.

Don't you see it, Fro? It's a miracle. We should be celebrating.

It's not a miracle, Dee. And I'm going to prove it to you right after we watch this sweet clip from Inbred Velcro Warrior. Hi, I'm Christopher Knight.

Hi, Christopher. Hi. And I paid for this ad.

When it comes to education, government bureaucracy is like a cosmic bully.

Legislation like No Child Left Behind is targeting and destroying our ability to best teach our children.

In space, nobody can hear you scream.

That's also true for his mother's basement, where this guy clearly lives.

Stupid. We need someone to fight for Rockingham County Schools against the tightening grip of unfunded mandates.

I'm also a fiscal conservative and a supporter of athletics and the arts.

Let's work together to defend a bright and shiny.

That's the biggest loser in a desert since Moses. Whoa. Dee, too soon. Too soon.

See, we got to see a good one on camera. Jason. Oh god. Here we go.

Oh my god. Dee, this is exactly what I've been talking about. A good old-fashioned guys night in. Gh. I love sleepovers.

Yes, we can do each other's hair and make Chinese fortune tellers and sick of our periods and talk about boys.

Look, look. Jason's going to do his thing. Oh my god. No. No way. Oh my god. Do it, Jason. Do it.

Oh my god, Jason. That is like a giant pill.

I heard DJ's going to perform a miracle. He's going to fly like an airplane. Did you guys catch body hunt yesterday? Genius.

So, do you really think DJ is going to be able to fly?

After what happened at the printer today, Dorene, I believe in just about anything. I mean, that printer literally

came this close to exploding ink all over my damn it. Oh, man. Check out Inky. Oh, dude.

We should totally start calling him Inky for the rest of his life until he dies. Inky. Best nickname ever.

There's got to be I knew it.

I knew it. I knew it.

Jim wants to be an office cubicle guy.

He wants DJ to jump out a window and die. He wants DJ's job. Oh my god.

Thinking out loud is so intense.

DJ the pro.

It's dark. There's creepy music and all the people have that unfocused zombie stare. I'm going to guess Scientology Celebrity Center.

Oh, church pageant. Okay, that was going to be Whoa.

That fall was classic. Jesus. Getting a little heavy there. Jesus.

Ever consider turning just one of those loaves into a diet Sprite.

I haven't seen a religious figure fall that hard since the scandal surrounding Ted Haggard, Jimmy and Tammy Baker,

Robert Tilton, Vincent Mertzer, Jimmy Swagger, Ted Haggard again, Warren Jeffs, Paul Shanley, entire Catholic Church, Philip Seymour, Hoffman.

I bet he's just glad that his dad doesn't exist to see this. Friends and followers, we have all come here to

witness a miracle. The birds have conveyed to me their message. I must fly with them. Many of you doubters think I

will inevitably fall to my death. But those of you who hold faith will soon be rewarded by watching me do like the

coolest. Like it's going to be Superman basically.

Wait, stop. Don't do it, De. I've got proof here that Jim just wants you to k*ll yourself so he can steal your job.

I'll show it to you right after we watch this awesome clip we just got from Interior Crocodile Alligator.

I guess you know Christmas morning. Ah, yes.

No, you idiot. The movie is not a boomerang. The movie is just called Boomerang. I guess my Christmas wish of

not having a stupid jackass for a kid did not come true.

A so cute. Detroit ice cream.

Ice cream.

Oh, too tired to even lick a little. You must get that from your daddy.

Dear tree, eat your ice cream.

To be fair, that's a double scoop of roofy road. No, no, no. It was cookies and chloroform. No, I I think it was vanilla GH bean.

We're making jokes about slipping sedatives to a toddler. Yeah.

Yeah, man. That That is wrong. What the hell's wrong with us?

There are starving kids in Africa who would k*ll for some ice cream. In fact, they usually k*ll for far less.

Africa is a brutal continent. Fight, fight, fight.

Yeah, chicken police.

I don't see why Mexico has so much crime. I mean, their police really seem to have their stuff together.

I know, right? And they don't get up all in your face like American cops being all, "Uh, sir, have you been drinking?

Sir, get out of the car. Sir, please put your shirt back on. Sir, you cannot sleep your way out of this. Sir, please stop crying. Sir, I don't think you're

ugly. Sir, don't unbuckle my belt. Sir, I'm a married man. Sir, sir. Sir.

Oh, sir. Oh, sir.

Officer down. Officer down with pleasure, sir. Yeah. No, sir.

Son of a No, sir. Sir, of course, I'll call you. Sir, this meant something special to me, too. Sir, we'll

definitely go to a Caribbean resort together. Sir, no. Sandals is too touristy, sir. Okay, maybe offseason.

Stupid pigs.

Jim just wanted your job, De. Look, it's all right here. Jim the janitor, is this true? Were you trying to convince DJ to

jump to his death so you could have his job?

Yeah. did do that. Oh, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.

See, De, he admitted it. Now, step down from that ledge, bro. It doesn't matter if Jim was lying.

This is something I feel in my heart. My faith is too strong to back down now.

DJ, now seriously, I just made all that stuff up. You do that, you're going to die. Sh. Silence, Jim. The birds have spoken.

It's a miracle, DJ. You were right. You're flying. You're actually flying.

It's a miracle. Not really, Fro. I'm actually just standing on a pile of dead birds.

I was wrong all along. I guess miracles don't really exist. What? Come on, Dej.

I don't know. I mean, you did just jump out the seventh floor window and not die. Yeah, but I'm not flying either. No.

Hey, can we just call this whole thing a wash? Yeah, that seems right.

I have to admit, Dorian, part of me was actually hoping DJ was going to plunge to his death. Me, too, Winky.

Okay, you know what? If I'm Inky, then you are definitely salad farts.

DJ the proje.

The frog.

The fro chirp.