01x18 - Mail Room

[bunniefuu]

Uh-oh. Dude, here comes one of those freaks from the mail room.

Uh, are you sure those guys are as dangerous as you say they are?

Dude, look at them. They're obviously repulsive savages. They are?

Don't be so naive. They emerge once a day from the belly of the building, wreaking of urine and firewater. Just

look at the tribal markings scarred into his flesh by the elders.

Oh, and and check out his ancient weaponry.

And look at his primitive garments made from the hide of an innocent slaughtered caved dwelling denim beast.

Oh my god. And he's coming this way.

Dej, unless you want him to steal your soul and have his way with it, remain perfectly still right after we watch this sweet clip.

passing around, right?

: minuteWow. Survivors really changed ever since Zach Efron became a producer. Do it.

I'm willing to bet bubbles aren't the only things being blown at this party.

Yes, they're also blowing away preconceived notions of masculinity and they're blowing their entire novelty children's toy budget and my mind.

Okay, I'm going to stop that. Yeah.

Uh, hey idiot. Yeah, it's pronounced meow. Stupid.

I haven't seen a screech this crazy since Zach and Slater ditched him at the max.

I haven't heard a [ __ ] make such an odd sound since I did my summer internship at the city morg. The human body is an orchestra of grossness.

Here comes the mail room guy. No sudden movements and don't make any eye contact. I beg of you.

Yo, you guys DJ and the fro, right? I got y'all's mail. Hello.

Anyone home? I said I got your mail.

All right, I'll just leave your paychecks here.

Oh, phew. That was so close. I don't think he saw us. Deej, what the hell are you doing?

What? I was going to check out what's in these envelopes.

Deege, who knows what infectious diseases those things are carrying. We could contaminate the whole office, you fool. We have to burn them.

Oh, thank God that's over. Yes. Let's never speak or think about those mail room animals again.

DJ the fro, I need you to run this down to the mail room for me.

Be that as it may, I still need you to go down to the mail room for me.

DJ, the bro.

Stay close, Ege. You never know when these feces covered feral beasts will attack. And be strong. They can smell

fear and the monthly flow of a sturdy woman.

Good to know. Okay, back. Just stay back. We come down on horseless elevator

from the ninth floor in the sky. A land of cubicles and carpeting that stretches as far as the eye can see. Big Chief

Balding, great supervisor, sent us to your land with this package.

Oh. Uh, hey guys. You can drop it in here. Back. Back. You filthy beast. Uh, what's with your buddy?

Oh, he doesn't understand your ways. Your customs.

If it's a domestic package, there are no customs. I did not know that. Oh, dude. Here.

The end is nigh. Tell me, Maggie, I love her. Right after we watch this clip.

Everyone enjoys picnic. It's pleasant and wonderful, but the truth are often the opposite.

It often gives us a bad feeling that we pick up the dog poo with plastic bags.

The worst situation is you step on the dog poo. Stupid.

These problems are annoying to people around the world. In , we have a whole new product. It's called Pool Track. Poo trap.

Yeah. Trapping poo.

With our poo trap, the dog poo will not fall on the ground. The dog poo won't bother you forever.

The U-shaped design makes a perfect fit.

Regardless of the distance between the tail and Anna's Annis, if there's no dog poo lying around, what

is my anorexic sister going to put in the toilet bowl to prove she eats?

What is this? Uh, check it, Dee. It's a natural hallucinagen. You stare at it for like seconds and then you look away and it's like, wow, man. Wow.

Do it. I I don't know, bro. I never really stared at anything like that before.

Oh, come on, man. You'll love it. All the cool kids already stared at it.

The cool kids, you say? Nah, I don't need to do that to have fun.

Just take a few stairs, bro. Just see how you feel. It'll make you fly.

But they told us about this stuff at school, fro. They told us not to be pressured into staring at it. What are you, a narc? No.

Then what's the big deal? Hey, tell you what. First one's free. Pray.

Look, just try it once and if you don't like it, you never have to try it again.

It's as simple as that, okay? I wouldn't steer you wrong, would I, bro? Come on. I'm your friend.

All right. I guess it couldn't hurt to try it once.

Oh my god. Okay. Now, de stare directly at it and don't look away until I tell you. Really inhale it with your eyes.

I'm doing it. Snort it into your medulla unblang. Oh, okay. Insert it as an a**l suppository into your mind's eye.

Who's this guy? Mr. Balloons. Mr. Balloon Hands. No way. No way. Get real.

This woman's such a [ __ ] Drinking out of cups being a [ __ ] I better have fetalist burn. . Yeah, right. I love seahorses. I love looking at them.

And I love seashells. And I love seashell things. I love things with seashells and seahorses on them like blankets and towels and little bags. I love them. Seahorses forever.

Okay, dude. Now turn away. Tell me what you see. I never paid for this floor. Not once. Not ever. De lighouses rule.

Dee, what do you see? Cool try.

Hey, chill. It's just gum. Your breath is kicking. Dej, you mad? It's probably poison.

I don't know, Fro. I I think we can trust them. There's something about his eyes. They remind me of my eyes.

Will this cure me of my ailment? It's big red, dude.

Wow. It's not bad. It moistens my mouth and the freshness goes on and on. And my breath, it's no longer rank. Why?

You've cured me, medicine man. What is this magic that lasts an extra extra long time? Oh my god, De, you've been

infected. They've brainwashed you with mail room witchcraft. You're to be assimilated.

Oh, it's too late for you, Deej. I must save myself.

Oh, damn. I was really hoping this elevator would be in of order. B

DJ, the bro.

He tries to take a breath, but now a bag is on his face. Two animals down. How many more to spare? Just try reuse,

recycle, treat the oceans with your care.

Whoa, dude. This kid reminds me of a young Phil Collins. Why? Because he sucks.

Oh, that's funny for really rich. Hey, you know what would be super awesome?

Some more of that natural hallucinagen video.

No, no, no. Dee, I I want to watch this douchebag rap about littering.

Me, me, too. Me, too. But it's just I I thought you said you had some more of that natural hallucinagen video or like you were holding some for your brother or something.

Uh, d listen to me. There's something I have to tell you. That last video you watched. Yeah. Yeah.

It was just some patterns on a screen and and maybe some oregano. No, no, no. Come on. Let's be serious. Just give me like like seconds.

That's all I need. Just seconds. It'll take the edge off. Dude, chill out.

You're instead of licking it and getting that horrible glue taste in your mouth, we use these.

Wow. Some sort of rudimentary moistening sponge. My people have so much to learn from your people.

Okay. And then we stick this pile of mail into the sorting machine and it does the rest.

That thing is amazing.

Oh, it's like seeing the Roman aqueduct but for male. It's so beautiful. I just wish Fro was here to see this.

Uh, you mean your friend hiding in the mail sack?

Oh no, those forked tongue, venom sh**ting, webbed footed, taintless herbivores found me. Curse their

heightened senses. I've got to find a way out of here right after we watch this awesome clip.

Dude, the Macarena is out. Have you been living in a cave for the last years?

Akmed had the most unusual method for detecting unexloded landmines.

Hey, it's nice to see a hostage video that doesn't take itself so seriously. Huh?

So, Makmoud Abadini Jud still say no one in your country is g*y.

Oh, a masturbating monkey. Always good to get back to the classics. Is that a male or a female monkey?

Have you ever even been to a strip club? Hell yeah.

See, this monkey is proving that it is possible to masturbate without crying. Not buying it.

Well, time to store the businessmen away for the winter.

When you see how they make Japanese sausage, it makes it so much less appealing to eat it.

I hope Great White isn't playing this train. You know who I feel bad for? No one.

Because none of these people are me and I don't have any sense of empathy.

Bull trap.

I'm safe for now. Where's the exit? Has this culture even invented stairs yet?

If so, I must find them before they find me. Not the stairs. The mail room guys that want to eat my tasty, tasty brains. What the?

Maximum weight exceeded. Maximum weight exceeded. That voice is inhuman.

There are more pops here than a Midwestern soda fountain. Oh my god. You need to get off that conveyor belt.

You'll be sorted to shreds. Take my hand. Take my hand. Stay back.

If you eat me, white men come with fire sticks and village go boom boom.

I'm like Zack Efron. I'm this close to being male.

DJ, the pro.

Before I meet my baker, tell the world my story. Also, how does this machine even sort mail?

Huh? Oh no. Well, you've captured me, savage.

I guess you deserve to add a beautiful burgundy naturally curled hair scalp to your collection.

No, dude. You were headed for the sorder. You could have really hurt yourself.

I'm telling you, Fro. these mail room folk are not what you think. They're are kind and gentle people. They saved your life.

Wow. You're right, Deej.

I've been so ignorant and narrow-minded, driven by my irrational fear of the unknown. Don't tell me, Fro, tell them.

Proud and backward people of the mail room, I apologize to you and your silly gods, and I would like to thank you for

saving my life by watching this sweet a*s clip we just got.

Oh, he's so widow and adorable.

Jesus crunch. What the hell's wrong with that thing? k*ll it. k*ll it.

He's a lot like Scrooge McDuck, except he has four legs and isn't an anti-semitic caricature.

Call the judge down and you go to court. Absolutely. right now. Right now.

This is the lamest pullover since that J Crew one you bought me for my birthday. Polycottton blend. Really?

Sometimes it's like you don't know me at all.

Hey, officer. Are you sure you wrote my license plate number down correctly? Maybe you should take a closer look.

Yeah. Awesome. Turn your car off. Turn the car off.

Turn the car off. I realize now we are not so different. Cubicle workers and cannibalistic humanoid underground

dwellers of the deep. Please take this as a peace offering. Okay.

Use this to build statues of me when I'm gone. And of course you may have my virgin. Uh froze kidding. Of course I make boom boom sexuality all the time.

And you are?

Now we must take our leave. And while we will never set foot in this hedonistic cesspool you call home, we will no

longer burn the paychecks you deliver to us. Thank you. Yeah, guys, this has been an amazing day. I'll remember you

forever, but I'll miss you most of all, Trina. [ __ ] the mail room.

Wa! Yet fresh for a long time with the everlasting flavor of the fresh forever gum that never stops.

So fresh for so long it feels like time itself is fading into the deep eternal freshness of the fresh forever gum that never stops.

Fresher than a daisy because daisies die but freshness doesn't when you chew a flavor that won't quit. So stay fresh

forever endlessly and on into infinity with the fresh forever gum that never stops.

Fresher than a daisy because daisies die but freshness doesn't when you chew a flavor that won't quit. So stay fresh

forever endlessly and on into the fresh forever gum that never stops.

Well, it's nice to see the whole IT department get together for this.

Oh, wait, wait. I think it's just one dude. And he's singing The Legend of Zelda theme.

This guy has dared to combine three powerful chick magnets, violin playing, an intimate knowledge of video games, and funny hatwearing.

Dude, you know what would make this video better? Yeah.

Yeah. Check this out.

Wait, wait, wait. One more.

Get fresh for a long time with the everlasting flavor of the fresh forever gum that never stops.

So fresh for so long it feels like time itself is faded into the deep eternal freshness of the fresh forever gum that never stops.

Fresher than a daisy because daisies die but freshness doesn't when you're chewing flavor that won't quit. So stay

fresh forever endlessly and on into the fresh forever gum that never stops.

Fresher than a daisy because daisies die but freshness doesn't when you choose flavor that won't quit. So stay fresh

forever endlessly and on into infinity with the fresh forever gum that never stops.

Next time on DJ in the fro.

This man built the town mosque with his own hands. But do they call him Aziz the mosque builder? No. He single-handedly

taught all the town's children to read and write, but do they call him Aziz the educator? No. He can make a falafel that

would bring a tear to your eye, but do they call him Aziz the chef? No. But he has sex with one goat.

Want more? Go to djinthefro.mtv.com for clips of the show, exclusive interviews with the creators, and more.

Yeah, it's the jizziest DJ.

The pro DJ

the froj

the fro chirp.