02x10 - Watchin' Darlin/Petting Zoo

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sharks, swords,
yogurt, kicks ♪

♪ Fries, smart phones,
hot tubs, yeah ♪

♪ Shades, bagels,
grills, airbrush, chrome ♪

♪ Blankets, mopeds, yes ♪

♪ Drop top, laptop,
breath mints, scars ♪

♪ Kittens, wet skis,
drive thrus, fresh ♪

♪ Tight pants, wide screens,
tacos, wheelies ♪

♪ Freestyle, thrift stores,
mini trampolines ♪

♪ Pickle and Peanut ♪

♪ Pickle and
Peanut ♪

♪ Pickle and Peanut ♪

♪ Pick-pick p-p-p ♪

Man, it is
such a nice day.

Yeah. Lookin' good, Lisa.

Is that a new haircut?

Such a little
trend-setter.

Hey, Franklin.

Hey, Sarah.

Sarah, meet Franklin.

Guess it was love
at first sight.

Man, Pickle, you sure got
a gift with animals.

-Aw, it's nothing.
-[barking, howling]

What up, tricks?

Hey, McSweats.

-And Darlin.
-Somebody's a happy puppy.

Yeah, she just got back from
her annual deworming at the vet.

She hates them,
but they love her.

She just shed,
like, ten pounds.

That's something you
gotta do every year, huh?

Yeah, I had to get her
all sorted out

before I go on
my mega vacay tomorrow.

I won a free spa day from
this super SFW website.

All I had to do was enter
my mother's maiden name.

-Oh, wow.
-Yeah, wow.

Yeah, anyways,
I need to get someone

to watch Darlin
while I'm gone.

Think you playas
might be up to the task?

Yeah, totally.
Pickle here is the pet whisperer.

Aw, stop.

Let's see what you got.

Come here, girl.
Come here.

-Who's a pretty girl?
-[barking]

Oh, Darlin, oh, hey.
Look at you, pretty girl.

You just came over
to Peanut.

What the heck
just happened?

I'm sure she didn't
mean nothing by it.

Love her to death,
but she's as dumb as a brick.

Maybe she just needs
some time to get to know me.

We'll do it.

Great. I gotta go get
some blank checks,

and my original
birth certificate.

Hey, McSweats, you all excited
about this spa day?

Yep. Got my
Social Security card ready,

just like they asked.

Looks like my ride
to the spa's here.

Have fun...
[shrieks]

Morning, Darlin.

Your chariot awaits,
my lady.

Over here we got
peanut butter-filled toys,

Egyptian cotton bed,

travel-size DVD player,

complete with
every dog's favorite,

Too Many Dalmatians,

and the sequel,
2 Many Dalmatians.

[barks]

Come on, Pickle,
we're gonna be late for work.

Ha ha, no, girl.

-That's my seat.
-[whimpers]

Hey, Pickle, that bed
you made back there looks pretty good.

Why don't you, uh, you know,
go back there and sit on that?

-We gotta go.
-Okay, girl,

I'll let you have
shotty this time.

All right, dance
for me, Darlin.

Oh, yeah, good girl.
Here ya go.

Roll over.

Nothing?
Okay, have a treat anyway.

Oh.

Uh, hey, yeah,
let's go outside.

Uh, yeah, okay.

Yeah, let's go get some fresh air.
That's a good idea.

I'm gonna get you, Darlin.

I'm gonna get you.

Awww.

Oh.

No dog can resist
a fresh rawhide ear.

Here you go, girl.

Uh, so I guess,
just let me know

if you wanna hang out
or whatever.

Oh, hey, yeah.
Okay, cool.

You wanna go outside,
we can play some games,

or do some belly rubs
and play fetch,

and, uh, oh...

Hey, Pickle,
don't be bummed out.

I just think that Darlin's
got it out for me.

Come on, you're just
over-thinking it.

There's nothing going on
in that head of hers

but a bunch of hot air.

Yeah, I guess.

It's just that, animals are just
kinda my thing, you know?

It stinks to not be as good at something
as you thought you were.

Come on, man.
Hey, you know what?

I've got an idea
that's gonna cheer you up.

♪ Don't miss out a baba boober,
you come to Snoobers ♪

And now, try a basket of
our hand-buttered hot dogs.

Peanut!
Buttered hot dogs?!

My favorite!

I know, buddy.
All right, eat 'em up.

Man, you're the best.

Know what, Darlin?
You can have the first buttered wiener.

Don't you dare.

Noooo!

It's obvious she hates me.

Pickle, I'm telling you,
she's just a dumb dog.

I'm tired of making
excuses for Darlin.

Wait, Pickle,
where are you going?

Sorry, Peanut.
I can't take anymore.

You take care of her.
I'm going home.

Stop smothering me,
Sarah!

[groans]

Pickle just needs
some time, you know?

I know you're
just being...

...simple, but he's
a real sensitive guy.

He'll come around, right?

Let's find you a good
place for a walk, huh?

Ooh, Walkaround Canyon.
Land of 1,000 miracles.

That sounds pretty dreamy to me.
What do you say?

Wow! I wish Pickle
was here to see all this.

This really is
the land of miracles.

Babbling brook,
mountain lion.

Golden fields--
mountain lion?!

That was almost
really bad, huh, girl?

Whew!

[yells]

Okay, it's just
a little snake bite.

I'll just walk outta here
and go to the ER.

No problem.
[shrieking]

Goodness gracious,
my dogs love me so much.

If they didn't,
that would make me

some kind of
great big old idiot.

[ringtone playing]

Pick up the phone!
Pick up the phone!

Hey, Peanut, I don't really
feel like talkin'--

Ahh, Pickle! I'm in a lot of
trouble! I need your help!

Wait, slow down.
What happened?

I took Darlin for a walk
at Walkaround Canyon,

and I got bit by
a snake.

You did what? It's called
Walkaround Canyon

because you're
supposed to walk around it.

But it's the land of


It's the land of


Miracle vipers
don't sound so bad.

It's a miracle
if you survive an attack.

Uhh, so misleading...

Are you safe now?

Yeah, I think so.

The snake's gone now.
Oh, no!

He brought his brother.

Peanut, are you there?
Peanut?

Oh, I should've been there
to warn Peanut.

This is all my fault.

Peanut!

Peanut!!

[panting]

Peanut.
Where are you, buddy?

[Darlin barking]

Oh, great.
Just what I need right now.

I don't have time
for you, Darlin.

Peanut!

Darlin, get out
of my way.

[barking]

Of course.
You know where Peanut is.

Can you lead
the way, girl?

Gee, I get it.
You like marching.

Move it.

[barks]

[barking]

What?

What, the bush?
What are you pointing at?

There's nothing here.

Darlin, you're
wasting my time.

-I'll just go find him on my own.
-[barking]

Peanut!

Where are you, Peanut?

Peanut!

I'm coming
for you, buddy!

[sobbing]
I'm never gonna find him.

Oh, no.

It's no use.

Oh, Peanut, I'm already
starting to forget your face.

If I could only see
your soft eyes

and luscious lips again.

If you can hear me
out there,

I'm sorry I let you down.

I should've never
left you behind.

[barking]

Darlin?

Oh, get away.

[whining]

Darlin, why you gotta
be like this to me?

You really hurt my feelings.

[barking]

[growling]

What?

Baby Franklins?

Hey, Franklin.

Yeah, she just got back
from her annual deworming

at the vet.

She hates them,

but they love her.

Oh, you don't hate me,
do you, girl?

You hate these worms!

You knew I had worms
all along,

and you were afraid
you'd get 'em again.

Wow, I'm sorry
I lost my cool with you.

Can you try and take
me to Peanut again?

You have my trust.

[barking]

This is where
you already brought me.

What are you trying
to tell me, girl?

There's nothing around
here but a bunch of dried-up old sticks.

-[Peanut whimpering]
-Peanut!

Oh, hey, Pickle.

Back. Back,
you beasts. Back!

Oh, Peanut, I'm sorry
about your arm.

That's okay.

I lost feeling in that arm
a long time ago.

I'm gonna get you to the hospital.
Keep that smile up.

My face is stuck
like this.

I couldn't have done it
without Darlin's help.

You guys are
finally getting along.

How did you overcome
your differences?

Well, I mean, it's
kind of a long story.

Don't wanna bore you
with the details right now.

I'm so moved.
I wanna hear everything.

It's nothing, it's nothing. I'll fill you
in after I get you to the hospital.

I should probably get
to the hospital, too.

-Come on, Darlin.
-[barks]

Thanks again, boys.

Best deep tissue massage
I've ever had.

[gruff voice]
You're welcome.

Aaah! Miracle vipers!

They're biting
all the soft bits!

Almond milk.
Skim.

-[squeaking]
-Ooh, half and half.

This sensory deprivation
stock boy training

is really starting
to pay off.

My 20/20 vision skills have directly
transferred to my hearing.

I'm starting to see
what I can taste.

Like a snake.

It's a box.

Stocking groceries
has never been so easy.

Whoa.

Something's
blocking us.

Let me scope it out
with my snake vision.

Hm, I can't quite
put my finger on it.

Two tongues
are better than one.

Ah, tastes like Mjart.

[both] Whoa,
Mr. Mjart!

It's me,
Mr. Mjart,

owner of
Mjart Mart.

Oh, yeah...

Thank you for
snake kisses, boys.

But, uh, I hate to be
the ringer of bad bells.

Employee tunnel.

-I think we have rats.
-No way.

I need you boys
to get rid of this vermin,

'cause rats are
bad for business.

[sneezes]

Ooh. Also, I think
I'm having

severe allergic reaction.

Hey, listen now,
Mr. Mjart.

Go rest up, and we're gonna take care of
this rat problem ASAP.

[sneezes]

Come on, little guys.

Careful of
those spikes there.

I don't wanna poke you
too much.

Whoa, rats!

Hey, lady, you're making them
all agitated.

Peanut, there's gotta
be a better way.

Yeah, I guess
you're right.

Well, Pickle,
maybe we need to, uh,

you know, take
care of them.

That'd be great. I've been taking care
of these guys for months.

What?! No, no.

I think I'm
miscommunicating here.

Let me just...
let the chainsaw do the talking.

Whoa, Peanut,
Peanut! Come on.

Why you always be
going straight to the chainsaw?

I don't know.

I guess I just
really like the chainsaw.

If we gotta get rid
of them, let me try something.

I think I can
talk to these rats.

-How you gonna do that?
-Oh, I got a way.

Hey, man, that is
pretty gross.

How long you been
growing that thing out?

It's been a minute,

but I usually only bust it out when
rodents are in distress.

It acts as a sort of
spiritual antenna

so I can
communicate with them.

You gotta cut that thing
off like right now.

Silence.
I must concentrate.

Hey, it's
actually working.

They're running
straight for the door.

-Good job, buddy.
-[people clamoring]

Look out for
these disgusting rats, everyone.

Oh, I hate rats
so much!

Your ugliness
makes me sick, rats.

[angry screeching]

Oh, no. They're getting
all worked up again.

Look, no one likes these guys,
all right, face it.

They're just nasty,
ugly little creatures.

You'd be mad, too,
if you got treated like a monster.

Just because they don't
look like a lamb

doesn't mean they don't respond to love
and positive attention.

Wait a second.

Hey, I know
what we can do.

We need
a little of this,

and a sprinkle
of that, and boom!

Whoa, that looks
just like a lamb.

Do you think
it'll work?

Someone's coming.

What do we
have here?

[chittering]

Oh, my goodness.

-It's a lamb.
-[both] Awww!

Come here, little bubba.

Oh, lay right in
my warm manger.

Aren't you just
the cutest thing?

[both] Hooray!

Horse. Oh, she's
a happy nag.

Neigh!

Chicken!

c*ck-a-doodle-doo!

It's a pig.

You're a genius, Peanut.

His self-confidence
is through the roof.

And for
the final touch,

we hide 'em right here
in plain sight,

in their very own
petting zoo.

Perfect!

Ah, yeah, I love
a wet dog.

Andale, muchachos.

The rats are loving
all this attention,

and the zoo is keeping
them calm and content.

Another situation handled without any
unforeseen complications.

[imitating g*nf*re]

I'm so proud of you boys

for dumping the rats
out of the store.

Unfortunately, my symptoms
have gotten worse.

-Whoa, Mr. Mjart.
-What happened to you?

I don't understand.

I thought it was
my rat allergy.

But since you two
lovely boys

have clearly removed
all the rats,

I suppose it's just
the inevitable decline

of my aged body.

You're only 34.

Remember me young
and tubeless.

Aswoosh!

Dang, he's not gonna
make it, huh?

Not with all these
rats around.

Listen, buddy,
we tried our best,

but maybe there was
only ever one outcome here.

Okay, everyone,
the petting zoo is closed.

Thank you for
your patronage.

Hello, boys.

-Hello.
-My chainsaw.

Oh, what a shame.

Petting zoo as fine
as this one shutting down.

What becomes of
these animals?

You know I have
an eye for livestock.

Oh, this is
one ripe horse.

Tell you what,
I take animals off your hands.

But aren't you a criminal
or a mob boss or something?

I do dabble in crime
and mob bossery,

but that's only to fund
my luxurious, upscale

urban livestock farm.
So how about it?

Sorry. I mean,
they're not really farm...

Tut-tut-tut.

Pickle, it's the best
thing for Mr. Mjart.

It's okay, boys.

I've started to
accept my new body.

Yeah, okay.
You got a deal.

The farm animals
are all yours.

Excellent, excellent.

Boys, round them up.

Sir, you're crying
into my animal crackers.

They're not for sale!!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, Pickle, you okay?

-You miss the rats, huh?
-Yeah.

You're worried
they're not happy, huh?

Yeah.

You wanna go
check on 'em, huh?

Yeah.

[loud clucking]

Whoa, look at
these animals.

Papa sure is raising
some fine-looking livestock.

I mean,
that llama, right?

I wouldn't say no.

Maybe Papa knows
what he's doing after all.

Yeah, I bet our rats are...

You mean our rabbits
and chickens, right?

Oh, yeah.

-Whoa, mama!
-Nice barn.

Hey, look, there's one of
our little guys over there.

♪ Yuri had a little lamb ♪

♪ Her fleece was
white as snow ♪

Yeah, I guess
you were right, Peanut.

This is a pretty good
new home for 'em.

I don't know why
I didn't trust the mob.

Ooh, boy. Do not use
the chandelier

for a few hours.

Hey, Papa,
the animals are looking so buff.

Have you got an animal gym
in here or something?

Gym? No, don't
be stupid, no.

We use scientific chemicals.
Come, I show you.

See? Horse, cow,
lamb, pig. Yes.

You sure that's safe?

Safe? Yes, look.
I demonstrate.

This pig scrawny,
worthless.

But one drop from this
in the eyeball. Bloop.

Papa, those are
lamb chemicals.

Oh, Yuri,
oh, my gosh.

That would've been
a giant boo-boo.

For once, you're useful.
Thank you. Okay.

Lamb chemicals.
Here we go.

So, Papa, what happens
if you put the wrong chemicals

on the wrong animal?

Oh, the consequences
are unpredictable.

Who would do
such a thing?

Okay, here we go.

Papa, wait.
That's not a lamb.

Say what now?

Sweet mother of pearl!

Ah, my manger!

What is this hideous
manifestation?

Oh, my eyes
can barely stand it.

-I'm going to be sick.
-[roaring]

Oh, no, they're
hurting his feelings.

Only I can
stop this.

Ugh! Sorry, I keep
forgetting you have that.

Come, rat, I know
you can feel me.

I couldn't connect.

I don't think my little rattail
is strong enough.

If only there were
some quick way to beef it up.

[muffled yelling]

That's it.
Here, Pickle.

Give this a little
squirt on your tail.

Hey, good thinking, Papa.

Here it goes.

Okay, I'm not joking.
You cannot keep that thing.

Now now, Peanut.

Hey, rat,
I can feel you.

Time for
some tough loving.

Let's face it.
You're a rat,

and now, you're
a super gross rat,

because of
all the chemicals.

You can't change
how the world sees you,

but you can't freak out
every time someone judges you.

Look at me.
I'm a hot mess, too.

Who even has a rattail?

Every time
Peanut mentioned it,

I wanted to pop him
right in the dang mouth.

But I sucked it up.
We're best friends.

And that's what
you need to do.

You're a queen, mama.

Wear that pride.

What's going on?
What's happening?

Sorry, Papa.

We shouldn't have tried to make these rats
something they weren't.

We'll take 'em
off your hands

and figure something out.
Come on.

No, wait.
Rat monsters.

Not so bad when
they're not rampaging.

Maybe we can figure out
a new arrangement.

Papa is very happy

with profitable new
zoo park.

Now that the rats
are calmed down,

everyone can appreciate
them for what they really are.

-Oh, boys!
-Mr. Mjart?!

Even I am able to enjoy
beauty rat show.

Thanks to Papa's
wonderful chemicals,

my allergies are cured.

[both] Yay!

♪ How's your ma? ♪

♪ She's doin' pretty well ♪

♪ How's your ma? ♪

♪ Her ankles kinda swell ♪

♪ How's your ma? ♪

♪ I'd rather not tell ♪

-♪ How's your ma? ♪
-♪ Okay ♪

-♪ How's your ma? ♪
-♪ Okay ♪

♪ How's your ma? ♪

♪ Not so great,
but she'll be better ♪

♪ How's your ma? ♪

♪ She's knitting me
a sweater ♪

♪ How's your ma? ♪

♪ I don't think that
you've even met her ♪

-♪ How's your ma? ♪
-♪ She's okay ♪

Please stop.