13x08 - Hell No

[bunniefuu]

[fire crackling]

Just five minutes more.

[Fiona sighs, chuckles]

[♪ gentle music playing]

Your fever's passing.

Reminds me of the time
I came back from the Hebrides.

Remember? [chuckles]

I don't know whose cauldron
you dipped your finger in,
but...

you wouldn't let
anyone else touch you
till I came back.

You were such
a pale little thing.

White as milk,
but burning like an ember.

Maybe the only thing
wrong with me was
that you went away.

Yeah, but I came back.
That's the point.

[sighs] Oh, your fever
was so high,

the whole Coven
thought you were destined
for the Tombs of Medari.

But you still had some bite
in you. [laughs]

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh. You sank your teeth
deep into dear little
old Myrtle Snow.

[chuckling] What a bloody mess
you made of it all.

-I have no memory
of it. [chuckles]
-[chuckles]

You curled up on my lap,
just like you are now.

Looked at me
like I was the only thing

standing between you
and oblivion.

[sighs]

[pats back]

I gotta get up,

let some air in this room.
Whew.

-[wind blowing]
-[sighs]

You know, you looked up at me

with such f-faith.

Do you know
what that did to me,
to be worshipped like that?

Without ever having earned it?

-Oh, Mother,
that is what children do.
-[scoffs]

And then I spent years

eroding your faith in me.

I know that I've had time
to ruminate and regret.

It's not the demons
with the pitchforks

that make hell so unbearable.

It's being alone
with your memories.

Don't they let you remember
the good times?

Your adventures?

Lovers?

Accomplishments?

Yeah, they do.

[♪ music continues]

But they just make you feel...

[breathes deeply]

...what you gave up
to have them.

Like being with you.

After a lifetime of hurting you
and disappointing you...

[whispers]
...you conjured me back.

Your Coven did that.

No, no, no, no!

No!

This is your Coven now.

You are the Supreme,
and there can only be one.

That's the rule.

And you have to own that.

Now, stand up.

Stand up!

[♪ music continues]

[grunting]

I... I can't.

-Yes, you can.
-I can't. I don't
have the strength.

'Cause I'm not built
like you, Mother.

This darkness closing in,
I know you feel it.

And it's too heavy for me.

And you never prepared me
for this.

No, I didn't.

And I regret that.

You know, every mother wonders

if she brought her baby
into a world

more brutal than the one
she had known as a child.

[sighs]

We don't all get...

a chance to atone
for our sins...

but this will be my penance.

I will make you strong.

And I will help you become

a Supreme for the ages.

But after that...

[inhales, exhales]

...you are on your own.

Now, stand up.

Do we even know
what we're up against?

Someone brought those monsters
back from the dead.

Find out what they're made of,
and you will find their maker.

Why do we have
to cut him open again?

Because... whoever sent
these K*llers will have
left behind a signature,

a trace of themselves
in the magic.

Like a fingerprint.

[squelching]

[♪ eerie music playing]

Ugh, I'm gonna be sick.

-[knife clatters]
-[Queenie] Ugh.

Do not touch it.

[hissing]

Wait.

[snake hissing]

Snakes? That sh*t's got
to be voodoo.

Why's it gotta be voodoo?

I don't know, Queenie.
Why don't you tell me?

-You're the expert.
-You are so ignorant.

Voodoo has nothing to do
with a bunch of black sludge
coming out of a--

Oh, quiet!
I cannot hear myself think.

There is no time for discord.

If you wanna help me,
please gather the girls
and get the house in order.

-Go.
-Go.

[hissing]

[♪ music fades]

It's merely chicken soup.

Yes, well, nothing is ever
what it seems with you, Mother.

Well, granted,

I did take a few liberties
with the recipe.

Nettles for fortitude,
rue to strengthen
your inner eye

and a cube of bouillon

because you are blessed
with a mother with good taste.

Here, take some.

It'll fortify you.

What are you doing?

Can we not?

Hmm.

I mean, can we just stop this?

-[sighs]
-You were a shitty mom.

You died, you went to hell,
and I became the Supreme.

Empty gestures are
probably best sorted
on the therapist's couch,

and we don't have time
for that.

So, what do you make
of our little guest here?

Well, it's dark magic,
obviously.

A threat launched against us.

There's not a trace
of anything human behind it.

And yet, a serpent.

Yes.

A sigil the devil has used
to announce himself

since he first arrived in Eden.

So he wants to be known.

Yes, but how does one begin
to defeat the devil?

Well, I don't know.

I've never had that privilege.

But I didn't become a Supreme
by doing what I was taught.

Our skills emerge
from the threats before us.

I am not afraid of conflict,
Mother.

I'm not.

I just... I ca...

I can't see it.

I can't see anything at all.

So I am asking you
for your help.

Help me.

Put me on the right path.

To deal with the devil...

one must befriend
the devil's friend.

[♪ tense music playing]

[♪ eerie music playing]

[inhales deeply]

Are you sure?

I don't think your body
is up for it. I really don't.

And I wish that you would
let me go down and warn him.

He doesn't like surprises.

He can smell weakness.

And I need him to come to me.

[sighs]

This is the one.

Ready?

Lay down.

[♪ music continues]

Queenie, in case
anything happens...

you're my favorite.
You know that, right?

No, no, no, no.

You're not gonna
put that on me.

You love all of us,
and you're gonna make it back
for all of us, okay?

Cross your arms.

-Concentrate.
-[exhales]

[speaking Latin]

[♪ tense music plays]

[fire crackling]

Papa Legba.

I know you can hear me.

Show yourself!

[objects rattling]

Bold witch.

Making demands
without so much as an offering.

What you need so bad,

calling Papa all alone
in the dark?

[Papa chuckling]

I need nothing from you.

In fact, what I have, you need.

Insolence be
a dangerous thing, witch.

-[sizzling]
-[screams]

[grunting]

[panting]

Do what you will with me.

But know that Fiona Goode
watches from above alive,

and she will
avenge your cruelty.

Fiona Goode?

She is here, below, in hell.

I pity your ignorance.

You don't even know
who's coming or going.

Has hell ever had
a more impotent gatekeeper?

Bring her to me.

If you want her,
you will have to come
and get her yourself.

[objects rattling]

[♪ haunting music playing]

[sighs]

[chuckles]

[whispers] Who's
the baddest witch in town?

[♪ music continues]

-[rumbling]
-[objects rattling]

[♪ music ends]

You dare cheat
the gates of hell?

[♪ eerie music playing]

Why, it was easy
as a stroll down St. Charles.

-I am your keeper!
-[snake hissing]

You will bow to me.

You go back to hell,
you crazy b*stard.

-I bow for no man!
-[growls]

[Cordelia] I was the one
who brought her back.

It was my spell.

Ancient magic.

The magic of the forgotten way.

[Fiona] So you see, with
the power my daughter holds,

your role as gatekeeper
doesn't really matter

that much anymore, does it?

And I am proof of that,
you old ghoul.

[Cordelia] Imagine if I started
pulling more souls out.

One by one.

Or ten at a time.

Pretty soon, other spirits
might stop fearing you,

might think they could
do your job better.

[chuckles]

[laughing]

You want something?

Papa listening.

I vow to destroy any record,
any trace of the spell
that brought my mother back.

All knowledge of it
will die with me.

Tasty.

And what this voodoo daddy
gotta give you in return?

[♪ music continues]

[hissing]

[fire whooshes]

Satan done sent that
to your house.

[scoffs]

Well, we already knew that.

How do we defeat him?

No, no.

You putting Papa in danger now.

This voodoo daddy
can't help you... [chuckling]

...without his voodoo mama.

Marie Laveau? No.

We will not be bringing
that monstrous woman back.

I think we need
to hear him out.

I agree.

It's your Coven.

Why Laveau?

Hold on now.
Them mirrors got eyes.

Ears be pressing
against these walls.

None of us are safe to talk.

Even Papa will need protection.

Only my high priestess
know the way.

And if we agree,
what's the catch?

No more picking
the lock to hell.

One soul come up,
one soul go down.

Them be the rules.

Then Papa can tell you

what only he can tell you.

Okay.

[sighs] Okay. I'll go.

I'm not afraid to go.

I just left there.

[coughing]

[grunts]

[breathing heavily]

[whimpers]

[Fiona] Wandering
through an endless maze.

But worse than the dank air
and dead ends,

what the maze was made of.

[sobbing]

Oh, God! [sobs]

I can't spend eternity here.

This place, it reeks of...
[sobs] ...fish...

[sobs, sniffles] ...cat piss.

[panting]

[whimpers] What is this?

[sobs] Knotty pine!

[panting] No! No! Oh.

[♪ tense music playing]

No, no, no!

[shouting] No, no, no, no, no!

No! No! No, no!

And I would spend eternity
in that maze if it would
help Cordelia.

[Cordelia] No, Mother.

You know Laveau best,
her methods and her malice.

Only you can back her
into a corner.

[Queenie] No.

Cordelia, you are
not strong enough yet.

Which is why it should be me.

[Queenie] It should not.

I'll go.

Queenie, listen to me.

This is something
you cannot take back.

Cordelia, I understand exactly
what I'm signing up for.

I'm a Black woman in America.

I have collapsed arches
from holding generations
of hell on my shoulders.

My entire body is on fire
the second my feet
touch the ground.

Do I deserve it?

No.

Can I handle it?

I don't burn anymore.

Take me.

Heart still clean. Hmm.

She proves herself an innocent.

I'm not that innocent.

Queenie, wherever you go,
I will be with you,

I promise.

I know.

All right, now, listen here,
if we let Queenie go with you,

you have to guarantee
you will bring her back alive.

Now, what makes you
so sure I'd be willing
to make that bargain?

Because when we prevail,
I will give you no choice.

[Papa growls softly]

Come, child.

[objects rattling]

[indistinct whispering]

[cicadas buzzing]

[sighs] Maybe
this was a bad idea.

Uh, next customer, please.

I know it ain't
who I think it is.

Pardonnez-moi, missy.

Do I know you from somewhere?

Peut-etre you once served
at my dear friend's salon
in the Marigny.

-Wait, what?
-Never you mind.

And I do hesitate to bring
to your attention,

but this poulet frit
is very much not to my liking.

I'm sorry to hear that.

How can I help you, ma'am?

Ma'am? [chuckles]

"Madame" would suffice.

I'd be ever so grateful

for a few pieces
of tender chicken,

-just soaked in buttermilk...
-[sighs]

...served at its crispiest.

And that's what I served you.

[♪ tense music playing]

Pray tell, what is this sodden,
greasy meat?

And how many weeks old
is that lard you've been
cooking it in?

We don't use lard.

We use vegetable oil.

Canola, probably.

And do I detect
some African spices
catching in my throat?

At none of the barbecues
this season

would anybody dare serve
such poison pepper slop.

All right, now,
I do not appreciate
the way you are talking to me.

A brick.

These dentures cost a fortune.

-Bona fide human teeth.
-[groans]

And not one bite could
cut through this sad excuse
for a baked good.

Then you don't have to eat it.

Which overseer turned his back

so you should feel so free
to express your impertinence?

I might be c*ptive
here in hell,

but I am always free
to speak my mind.

And if this food
is not for you,
then this place is not for you,

and you may bounce
your antebellum b*tch a*s

off to wherever you feel
most comfortable.

Take your boudin noir fingers
off my meal.

Oh, I never.

Jamais de ma vie.

Is that French for
"I wanna see a manager"?

Fetch the proprietor at once.

If you were my girl,
I would have sold you
down the river by now.

Here's the thing,
Temu Scarlett O'Hara.

The Civil w*r happened.

Reconstruction happened.

The Civil Rights Movement
happened.

Barack Obama happened.

Lemonade by Beyonce Giselle
Knowles-Carter happened.

Do you know
what all that means?

-I haven't a clue.
-[Queenie] Mmm.

It means that I will never,
ever be your girl.

Oh. Oh! [groaning]

[screaming]

[♪ eerie music playing]

[grunting, screaming]

Taste it.

[Madame LaLaurie] Huh?

-[whimpering loudly]
-Mm-hmm.

Yes. Taste it.

[whimpering, sobbing]

-[crunches]
-Oh!

[gags, grunts] Oh.

-[whimpering]
-Now, say your line.

I said say it.

It's finger-lickin' good.

[screams]

[blows]

It is done.

[♪ eerie music playing]

Where that snotty French b*tch?

That cochon, LaLaurie.

[chuckles] The whitest
and the ugliest of all y'all.

Well, it's nice to see you too.

If you still hiding her
in this massah house,

I'm gonna put
all of y'all in the ground.

[Fiona] Bonjour, Marie.

I would say welcome back,

but, well, you didn't stay away
long enough for my taste.

There was never so horrid
a sight in hell as you.
Et voila.

That hair,
still lifeless as ever.

[laughs] And that wig,
those weaves,
that turban... [chuckles]

...I could burn it
off your head
with a flick of my wrist.

Silence!

I didn't bring you back
to watch you hiss and claw
like cats in a sack.

The devil himself
is closing in.

You all got to unite.

White magic ain't nothing
without black magic.

In the storm that's coming,

the high magic of Salem

and the low magic of the Bayou,

they both gotta dance together,

or everything you know
and love will die.

[♪ music continues]

So we have an agreement,
a detente.

What she said.

[Papa chuckles]

United, we will defeat
the devil himself.

Hell to the m*therf*cking yes.

[♪ haunting music playing]