01x03 - Two First Dates

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Punky Brewster". Aired: February 2021 to present.*
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The sequel to the original, now a single mother Punky meets a girl who reminds her of her younger self.
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01x03 - Two First Dates

Post by bunniefuu »



You're bluffing.

[SCOFFS] I happen to
have a great poker face.

This is your "holding
good cards" face...

your "holding bad cards" face...

your "need to go to
the bathroom" face...

and your bluffing face.

I won a lot of Go Fish at Fenster Hall.

Ha! That was my "bluffing
I was bluffing" face.

Game recognize game.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Uh-oh, here comes the dance.

If you stop, I'll give you all my chips.

Can't stop, won't stop, can't stop!

Okay, I'll stop.


anybody got any big
plans for the weekend?

'Cause a little birdie told me
that you have a date with Sean.

- Okay, who told you?
- Chirp.

I tried to hold out,
but she bribed me with a banana.

She knows my weakness.

Hannah, if you can't talk to
your mom about boys and dating,

who can you talk to?

Literally anybody else.

And it's not a date,
Mom. It's just a hang.

What's the difference?

The word "date" is stressful,

and we are an anxious generation.

So where are you hanging?

Hannah has left the conversation.

Okay, that is definitely

your "I have to go to
the bathroom" face.

No, it's my "teenage daughter
is a pain in the butt" face.

And also, I have to go to the bathroom.

See? I'm good.

- ♪ Two, three ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Every time I turn around ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

Is this what being a parent

of a teenager feels like?

Being excited that she has a first date

but frustrated that she
won't tell you anything

about the boy or the date?

You've got to be patient.

Being a parent of a
teenager gets better.


When they're no longer a teenager.


In fact, this is what we give
the teens over at Fenster Hall.

"Explore your hormones."

Been there, done that.

Have the tattoo on my ankle to prove it.

This would have given
Henry a heart att*ck.

All I wanted when I was Hannah's age

was a mom to talk to.

And you know Henry was great,
but whenever I would talk

about boys, he'd go...
♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪

Do you remember when Jimmy kissed me

at the kissing rock at Camp Kookalookie?

Ah, but my first real kiss
was Brett Forman.

Holy macanoli.

Oh, the kiss that changed my life:
Rebecca Hilbert.

Lots of sparks.

I miss sparks.

Well, let's go get you some.

Girl, let me see your dating app.

Mm. There's this one guy
I've been talking to.

EvanLovesDogs .

Ooh, cute name, cute guy.

And he's got a daughter.

He's a #GirlDad.

- I like him already.


I think I left one of
my old lyric books here

when I dropped Diego off from soccer.

I'll just be a sec.

- Hannah's got a date.
- Yeah, I know.

It's tomorrow night, right?
But it's more of just a hang.

- You knew about it?
- Of course. I'm her dad.

Oh, she didn't tell you.

- Why am I not in the loop?
- Ah, don't worry about it.

One of us has to be the cool parent.

I'm sure there's all
sorts of boring stuff

you know about that I don't.

I have a date, too.

There's something you didn't know.


Oh. Okay, cool.

Totally good with that.

That's big of you,

since we're divorced and
you have a girlfriend.

Thank you very much.

What's up, Izzy?

I'm making an
"everything in the fridge" sandwich.

Can you pass me that whipped cream?


I think I'll just watch you explode.

Hey, this musician I love wants
me to write a song for him,

but all my good ideas are in
my lyric book, which I can't find.

It's not in that sandwich, is it?

I write songs. Maybe I can help.

♪ Pretty sandwich,
about to be in my belly ♪

♪ Pretty sandwich,
love you 'cause you're smelly ♪

Rock on, sister.

I am down with this EvanLoveDogs guy.

I mean, he enjoys being a parent

and he doesn't list the "school of life"
as his education.

Okay, let's go for it.

"Hey, EvanLovesDogs ,

want to hang out tomorrow night?"

Dog emoji.

- What if he doesn't...

- Hey, he said yes.
- Oh!

Punky Brewster is back.

Hannah, you and I both have first dates.

Great, because when I
think about my first date,

I want to be thinking about my mom.

Oh, and Aunt Cherie

gave us a pamphlet
to talk about our bodies.

Even worse.

How's this?

Boring! You're not going to church.

Okay, well,
now I'm running out of clothes.

Is this better?

I like that for you.

It says "I'm casual, I'm cool,
and I'm % hottie."

[GASPS SOFTLY] Thank you.

By the way,
pro tip when dealing with Mom:

don't blurt things out without
knowing exactly what she knows,

because I wasn't dying for
her to hear about my plans.

Sorry. Rookie mistake.

Still getting used to
this whole sister stuff.

Me too. [SIGHS]

- You nervous?
- So nervous.

Hey, you got the good sister.

And remember, if it doesn't work out,

there are other options.

It's a numbers game.

How do you know so
much about this stuff?

My mom dated a lot.

"Remember, you can't be that thirsty.

Otherwise you're
never gonna get a drink."

- What does that mean?
- I have no idea.


Remember, this is only a date.

Nobody can replace you two,
so don't worry.

We weren't... Until you just said that.

Whoa, you need to see this.

- Did you see dirt on Sean?
- No, your date...

Mr. EvanLovesDogs .

Once you've seen this,
you can't unsee it.

He's an adult man in a wizard costume.

Should have been a hard pass.

I think the cloak is baller.

h*t me.

I don't know if I'm more nervous

about my date or Hannah's.

Just in case, let me spray
some of this on your pits.

Thank you.



- Whoa, whoa.
- Ooh.

Hannah, you look amazing.

So what do you think?

I think that I want to
focus on how I cute I look.

Ladies, what's important here

is that we all look better than Diego.

What's up, guys?

Reporting for duty. Ready to babysit.

They're your kids.
It's called being a dad.

Punky, you look...


Thanks, Trav.

You let that smoke show go?


Okay, Hannah, before you go,

you need to give me Sean's real number.

The one you gave me
was for Jersey Mike's.


- Received.

Okay, remember, dinner before ice cream.

And Izzy's bedtime is : ,

but she'll tell you it's midnight.

Hey, Mom, I'm going to run
a background check on this guy.

Is LovesDogs his real last name?

Gotta go.

All right, bye, guys.

- ALL: Bye.
- Have fun.


[SIGHS] So...

what do we know about this dude
your mom's meeting up with?

We know he's going to have
a better night than you are.


You're not on the road anymore.

Use a bowl, man.

Yeah, we're not animals.

Oh, really?

You know you have
a little something right...

ugh, basically all over your face.

Dad, do you know how
to get on the dark web?

I don't, and if you stop trying,

you can have more Breyers.

Ice cream is your
solution to everything.

And I love it.

Hey, don't tell your mom.

Oh, you know, I found my lyric book.

Turns out it was mostly doodles.

So I guess I'm just blocked.

Maybe you're distracted

'cause you're thinking about Punky.

You looked sad seeing her go...
on her date...

with another man.

Yeah, I guess it was kind of weird,

but I gotta get used to that.

Okay, where were we?

Oh, that's right. I have no ideas.

Maybe you should write
a song about something

that makes you happy, like ice cream.

Eh, I don't know.

What's your favorite flavor?

Uh, this is silly. Um...

rocky road.

♪ My favorite thing in life
was rocky road ice cream ♪

♪ I'd eat it every day
and all night long ♪

♪ Then one day my little marshmallow ♪

♪ Walked out the door ♪

♪ And now that she's gone ♪

♪ I love her even more ♪

You said "she."

- Did I?
- Yep.

Punky is your rocky road.


It says we'll be picking up notes

of plum, vanilla, and earth.

Hmm. Mine just tastes like wine.


That can't be right.

So, tell me, what do you do?

Well, I'm in marketing
for a software company

that specializes in aggregation of...

and I'm already boring you. [CHUCKLES]

Uh, no, it's not you.


this is actually my first date.


[CHUCKLES] No, since my divorce.

But I'm really distracted

because my daughter
is on her first date, too,

and she won't tell me
anything about the date.

Mm. I'm totally into my daughter's life.

We have a YouTube channel
where she makes fun

of all my clothing choices.

I'm just happy to be involved.

Daughters are hard.

Tell me about it.

Okay, back to us.

No more phone...

right after I just text her once more.



You're staring at me.

I can't help it.

You've, uh, got some foam right there.

No, uh, here.

- Oh.

I'm so sorry.

No, no, it's great.

[SOFTLY] What?

Ugh, I can't believe
she's texting me again.

At least your mom cares.
You should probably answer it.

Absolutely not.

So, um, tell me more about
where we're going next.

Okay, it's so cool.

We are going to
the Warlock Jones escape room.

I didn't know you were a Jones fan.

I'm not. I just thought it'd be cool

to be locked in a room with you.

I'm sorry; I didn't mean
for that to sound creepy.



I think it's your mom.

Wow, she is really into the siren emoji.

I'll just ping her back.

How about we don't text her at all?

She'll be fine. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, look, I have foam on mouth again.

Oh, my God, I can't believe
you don't actually have dogs.

How can you call yourself
EvanLovesDogs ?

Well, I am fatally allergic,
but I do love dogs from afar.

And is actually the amount of times

I've had to use an EpiPen, so...


Oh. Evan...

I sent sirens. It's a whole thing now.

It's okay.

Hey, how are things over here?


Oh, our coffee is f*re. Thanks.


Oh, and are you Hannah,
and are you Sean?

- Yes.

Your mom wanted proof of life. Thanks.

She tracked my phone.

That's it, I'm shutting it off.

Well, I'd say we should
go to our next destination,

but if I'm being honest,

it seems like there's
someplace else you'd rather be.

You know what?

This phone is staying in
this purse permanently,

and I am all-in on
wherever we're going next.

Oh, well, then here's
to continuing the night.

- Mm.


You don't mind if I just chug this,
do you?


Yeah, still no plum but...

notes of sadness.

I'm sorry. It's my son Diego.

He wants to run a
background check on you.

Apparently he doesn't trust
me to make my own decisions,

which is truly annoying.

Huh, that's kind of like you
texting your daughter all night

because you don't trust her.

That is not remot...

oh, my God.

Hannah probably
thinks I don't trust her.

"Hannah, no more texts.

I promise."

All right, let's bail on this wine bar

and see where the night takes us...

as long as I'm home by : .

Well, if you're open to an adventure,

then I have just one question.

Do you believe in magic?

Welcome to Snaggletooth Academy,

witches and wizards.

I mean witch and wizard.

Our student, Warlock Jones,
needs your help.

You're both in mortal danger.

Magnus McNasty has locked you

in the Room of Discontent

and is planning to att*ck
Snaggletooth Academy in one hour.

You must escape and warn Warlock Jones.

You guys are just gonna
make out in here, aren't you?

- What?

Wait! Holdicus the Dooricus!

[CHUCKLES] That's wizard lingo.

Hannah? Sean.

- Mom?
- What are you doing here?

- Hi, Mrs. Brewster.
- Oh, you can call me Punky.

Oh, hi, I'm Evan.

I'm Punky's boyfriend.

And I'm officially in hell.

Your minutes trapped in
a small room all together

with no way out starts now.

No! No!

Get me out of here!

I'm on a double date with my mom.


Is it a calendar or a compass?

Come on, come on, Evan,
think like a warlock.

This is something I didn't
think I'd be saying tonight,

but, Sean, could I have a word
alone with my mother?


I guess I'll go help
out your mom's date.

I'll miss you.

Aww. She'll miss you, too.


You're ruining my life.

Hannah, I promise, I had no idea

that you and Sean were going to be here

or that Evan would bring me here.

So you want me to believe
that this is a coincidence?

Yes. Do you really think

that I woke up this
morning thinking I'd be

in a Warlock Jones escape
room with my daughter?

Yes! I mean, why should I believe you?

You've been texting me all night.

It's like you don't even trust me.

I know. That's why I
sent the apology text.

Well, I-I didn't get it.
I turned my phone off.

Hannah, you can't turn your phone off.

You've got to have it on at all times.

Why, so you can drive me crazy?

Yes. I'm your mom. It's my job.


Well, at least they're having fun.

I think they're going to
be really happy together.

The journal... Maybe
there are some clues.


Read it, young Sean-icus.

"As a young boy, I never understood

why I could talk to toads."


Look for something with toads.


Hold my jacket.



I found it! The Sword of Haggis!

Look, Punky, look what I did!

- Way to go.
- Yes!

I really should have read to
the end of his dating profile.

I got it!

We s*ab the journal!

You got it, young Warlock Jones...

I mean Sean.


BOTH: ♪ Don't want no chocolate chip ♪

♪ Don't want strawberry or peach ♪

♪ She's my favorite flavor ♪

♪ She's my favorite treat ♪


Hey, you totally just helped
me through that writer's block.

You're like my little mini muse.

Cool. You can thank me on Venmo.

The only thing I could
find on EvanLovesDogs

is that he once bought a mug on Etsy

that says "But First, Coffee."

Dude, you stalking
your mom's date on Google

is so wrong in so many different ways.

There has to be
something wrong with him.

Aren't you worried?

I'm guessing this isn't just about Evan.

What's going on with you?

I just don't want a step... wizard.

Come on, man, it's just a date.

Wait, did you say "wizard"?

I guess I always thought you and Mom
would get back together.

Ah, dude.

Yeah, but now she's out
with EvanLovesDogs ,

and you have your emoji girlfriend,

and it's never gonna happen.

Why can't things just
be the way they were?

- Hey...

the way things were wasn't
always great, you know.

Ah, look...

I get our divorce is
tough on you sometimes.

I mean, your mom and I are still trying

to figure things out.

But we're still a family.

Hey, we just look a little different.

It's just weird.

It's like you guys get
along better together

now that you're apart.



That's a real good way to put it.

Hey, I'm really feeling
what you just said, Diego.

You don't mind if I put that
in my ice cream song, do you?

Just promise me, no dad rap.



Hannah, I'm doing my best here.

I didn't have a mom to talk
to about this kind of stuff.

I want you to know that you do.

- I'm here.
- That's nice.

What if I told you I
wish you weren't here?

I don't really want to be here either.

I thought he was going
to take me dancing.

I'm sorry I worried you.

But also...

Sean and I are having the best time,

and it's really awesome to
be able to tell you that,

even though you are my mom.

Please don't scream,
because he'll hear you.

That's amazing. Mine's a bust.

Uh, what was that?

Evan, you seem like a really nice guy,

but it's never going to work.

I have a dog, and he sheds way too much.

And... and you're gonna
choose this dog over me?

I get it.

[SCOFFS] Mom, look,

I know that I've been
shutting you out lately,

but I was nervous.

And I wanted things to go well.

You know, this whole dating
stuff's new territory for me.

It's new territory for me, too.

- Sean's so cute.
- I know, right?






You've escaped,
whereas I am working a double.

We have saved Snaggletooth Academy!


- Let's go get a victory photo.
- All right!

Hannah, come on.


[SIGHS] Well, seems the only
puzzle I can't solve... is love.

Hey, you.

Uh, me?

You can do way better than that guy.

I'm just a disembodied
voice in an escape room

asking a beautiful,
slightly older woman to like me.

I'm flattered. Thank you.

Still got it.

♪ You're the sweetest thing ♪

♪ My rocky road ice cream ♪

♪ But sometimes something good ♪

♪ Can still be bittersweet ♪

♪ Even though ♪

♪ It breaks my heart ♪

♪ Maybe we're better together ♪

♪ Apart ♪



That's, uh...
it's just a song about ice cream.

Really? Because it seems
like a metaphor for love.

Yeah, about how much I love ice cream.

So there's no deeper meaning?

Because that song really...

makes me want...

ice cream.

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