Star Struck (1994)

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ I cried all night.

I know.

It was the best summer.

I've never had a boyfriend before.

I've never had a girlfriend before.

It was great.

Really great.

Really great.

Safe!

Safe!

[horn honking]

Come on, you two.

You don't want to be left behind.

I wish we didn't have to go.

Me too.

You have my address?

I know it by heart.

[woman]

Come on, Rose!

I guess this is it.

I guess so.

Whoa!

Safe!

Whoa!

Safe!

I love you.

I love you, too.

Promise you won't forget about me, Johnny.

I promise, Rose.

[music playing, siren wailing in movie]

You forgot?!

How do you forget you used to work for the CIA?!

My love, what's important now is our future together!

What future?

[movie announcer]

See a passion that will not die, unless they do.

[truck horn honking]

[screaming]

Superman...

your Lois is waiting.

[movie announcer]

Can love conquer all?

"Dangerous Vows" starring Colton McClane and Robyn Call.

Oh, Robyn.

What did you call me?

Uh, I called you Lois.

Wrong.

You called me Robyn.

Uh, I-I must have got confused.

No!

You got a problem.

I am a real woman in need of some real lovin', and she is just a fantasy of yours.

There is no way to get us confused.

That's for sure.

Have you ever seen a more perfect couple?

[rooster crowing, horse neighing]

Morning, everybody.

Morning.

Sleep well?

Yeah.

Uh, Grams, you seen the paper?

Booth, where's the paper?

Uh, it's, uh...

Uh, Runner.

Booth and I are heading down to Beachwood Village tonight.

Why don't you come along?

You know, see the sights, have a few beers.

Meet some people.

There's this new girl I work with.

You really should meet her.

She's real perky.

26, drives a Japanese car, and does aerobics twice a week?

Okay, so you know who she is.

So what's the problem?

Uh, dark roots.

I just can't stand dark roots.

Now, that's the same thing you said about Cloris.

No, Cloris had dark teeth.

I thought that was Laura Sue.

Laura Sue had bigteeth.

But you dated her for three years.

Yeah, and I got the marks to prove it.

You're just looking for negatives is what you're doing.

If you're not careful, you're not gonna wind up with anybody.

Everybody has got to settle sometime in their life.

Booth, leave your brother alone.

He'll make his move when he's good and ready.

Oh, here it is.

She was keeping it warm, huh.

Grams?

[chuckles]

Oh, uh...

It's this morning's paper.

We're nearly to afternoon.

It's all old news.

It's not that old.

So you're really going through with this.

I didn't think you'd understand, Booth.

Oh, what's to understand?

You're traveling across the country to stop a girl you haven't seen in 12 years from marrying the guy every woman dreams of?

Well, the wedding's in three weeks.

It should be all the time I need.

So, in the meantime, who's gonna keep the books?

Look, I know this isn't the best time, Booth.

No.

It's not.

She doesn't remember you.

Booth.

Will you go check on your wife?

I think she's messing with my kitchen again.

Don't let your brother get you in a funk.

He's only talking like a mule 'cause he loves you.

Grams, you ever get that feeling when you leave someplace in a hurry that you forgot something?

I mean, you think real hard and you can't quite put your finger on it, but you know something is missing.

That's how I've felt ever day for the last 12 years.

I mean, I know some people spend their entire lives searching for their other half, but I found mine when I was 12.

You think I'm crazy?

Who am I to say anyone's crazy?

I still think I look good in a bikini.

I mean, Grams, this is my last chance.

If she gets married, it's over.

I mean, I've got to find out if she's been thinking the same thing.

And if she hasn't, then, uh...

I guess I'll be back here asking Connie to set me up with one of her dark-rooted friends.

Harvey Patterson.

Grams?

It was 101 degrees in the shade that 4th of July.

I was with my girlfriends watching the parade when I was suddenly overcome by the heat and I passed out.

When I came to, I was on the ground with my head in the lap of a strange gentleman.

I was never so embarrassed in my life.

Until I looked in his face and I saw the eyes of an angel staring back at me.

He had a voice as soothing as the ocean and he smelled of Old Spice.

And it was love at first glance for both of us.

We spent the whole day together.

He kissed me once and I was off to heaven.

When a woman's in love, her heart soars.

She does all she can just to keep one foot on the ground.

I've always said you can spot true love by looking at a woman's feet.

Well, anyway, it was already arranged that I would marry your grandfather.

He was from a good family and he was easy on the eye.

Back then, that was reason enough to get married.

I grew to love your grandfather very, very dearly.

But a night never passes that I don't take a sniff of Old Spice.

[engine starts]

[Grams]

Good luck!

♪♪ [coins dropping in phone]

[woman on phone]

Grissom Management.

Hi, I'd like to speak with one of your clients.

Robyn Call.

I have a special delivery for her.

One moment, please.

She's filming today.

[distant phone ringing, [keys clacking on typewriter]

Mr.

Grissom?

Good guess.

Give it here.

Oh, um, yes.

Thank you.

'Kay.

[clears throat]

We don't validate.

You're an actress, aren't you?

A lot of sicko men in this city, pal.

Oh.

Each one's sicker than the next.

Tell me about it.

I can't stand the competition.

I don't like jokes.

[chuckles]

So...

you gonna call me?

I didn't think so.

Oh, uh...

no, no, no, I didn't say that.

I...

You're nothing to crow about either.

Get rid of that fancy haircut and take away those nice clothes, and you're nothing but another naked bald guy with a clipboard.

Could you put me in touch with Robyn Call?

I couldn't put the Pope in touch with Robyn Call.

She's sh**ting now.

Oh?

Uh, where exactly is she sh**ting?

Do you care for another dessert?

Mm...

Here.

She's over at United American Pictures.

So you're a messenger, huh?

Not terribly impressive.

[man]

All right, folks, let's move along very quickly, please.

We've got a lot of work to accomplish today.

All right, right in through here.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

All right.

[door slams]

For all you newcomers, while some may regard extras as simply props with appetites, we here at "Hee-Haw: The Motion Picture" consider your work invaluable.

But there are a few rules.

Rule number one-- Don't eat the corn.

[scattered laughter]

Rule number two-- Follow me.

You are the most aggravating person I have ever had the misfortune to work against.

You can't talk to me like that.

You're my assistant.

Was.

You just fired me.

Remember?

Honey?

Honey, don't you think you were a little rough on her?

That one has been grating on my nerves from the moment she took the job.

Which was yesterday.

You think maybe it's the engagement that's grating on your nerves?

Well, it hasn't been easy.

I know.

It's a big step.

But it's right for both of us.

It's not like it's a whole lifetime or anything.

Unless we--Robyn.

I think what we have right now is perfect.

For me.

For you.

For us.

At least we'll never grow tired of each other.

See?

That's the spirit.

Now, you know, I always thought that if I ever got married, I'd have, like, 12 kids.

That way after a few years, I could let go of some of my staff.

Think that would be an unreasonable burden on my bride?

Not this one.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Can you point me in the direction of Robyn Call?

Robyn Call.

Ha!

You know, I'm glad she fired me.

Being her assistant was the worst experience of my life.

Just look over there in the trailer.

The big ego.

You can't miss her.

Thanks.

[knocking on door]

She's not here!

[door opens, man sighs]

I called the agency.

They're sending another assistant.

I thought you got along with this one, hon.

I tried, Greer.

I did.

But she said I was demanding.

[scoffs]

So...

[clears throat]

What could possibly be wrong with Robyn Call today?

I just want "Dangerous Vows" to open already.

I'm sick of the photos, the interviews, the posturing.

I just want to get on with my life.

Yeah, perhaps you're right.

Perhaps I shouldn't have gone out on a limb to put you in this part, hmm?

You know that's not what I meant.

No, no, no, no.

Maybe you don't want to triple your salary.

Maybe you don't want to get every part you go up for, huh?

And I'm really sorry that you haven't enjoyed being part of the biggest movie the world has ever known, being the center of attention of the entire human race.

I obviously have not been doing my job.

Greer, you're doing fine.

You've got nothing to worry about, Robyn.

You've got every single thing you could possibly need.

[Greer]

I'll get you some lunch.

Hey, you.

Hi.

Hi.

Short of massaging my feet, I don't see how you're gonna remain on this set.

Oh...

[nervous chuckle]

No, I'm just here to see Robyn Call.

Oh.

You don't say.

I'm her new assistant.

Oh...

[chuckles]

They must have you guys lined up.

Come on, I'll show you around first, huh?

Okay.

Yeah.

She's still gonna be on the warpath from this morning.

Oh.

Yeah.

I was her assistant last week.

Yeah?

Yeah.

If she fires you, we can start a club.

But you're still here.

Well, they made me top errand boy after I threatened her with a sexual harassment suit.

Oh.

Hey, don't look so surprised, huh?

I can look real handsome in the right light.

By the way, name's Bronson, Mickey Bronson.

No relation to Charles.

Runner Campbell.

All right, Runner.

Good to meet you, man.

Cue the cop.

[tires screeching]

Cue K.D.

Hit the deck!

[g*nf*re, screaming]

Your husband?

My boyfriend.

I think Miss Ward will take your case.

[director]

And cut!

All right, let's reset.

That's lunch!

[Runner]

So what's this movie about?

Robyn plays a detective who solves the mystery with the aid of her dead mother's ghost.

Oh.

[laughing]

Uh, so will Robyn be joining us?

What, did you just get off the bus?

The actors never hobnob with the crew.

Although, there are exceptions.

Katie.

Hiya, Mickey.

You were great in that last scene.

Sit down.

Who's your handsome friend?

Hi.

Hi.

Wow.

Great tan.

What's your secret?

Uh...

I guess I spend a lot of time outdoors.

I think it's sexy when a man goes outside.

Oh...

[laughs]

I don't mean, you know, outside.

Can I get you something to drink?

Yeah, coffee.

Black, no sugar.

Thank you.

Oh.

That's her manager.

Come on, I'll introduce you.

Mr. Grissom!

Mr. Grissom!

This is Robyn's newassistant, all right.

Runner Campbell.

Oh, hey, carry this.

Break a leg, huh?

Why are you dressed like that?

Um, I'm from a farm.

[chuckles]

You ever had any experience doing this kind of work?

Oh, sure, sure.

Farmer just part-time.

Yeah, sure, okay.

Doesn't matter.

A moron could do your job.

You know about Robyn's latest movie?

Sure.

Sure, of course you have.

Everybody has, huh?

Robyn Call, Colton McClane.

Boom!

America can thank me later.

You know about their engagement?

Yeah, I think I've heard something about that.

'Course you have, everybody has.

Anyway, all the commotion's got her edgy.

It's your job to make her feel happy.

That's what I'm here for.

Right.

Robyn Call is my main concern in life.

Mine, too.

Yeah.

Well, good.

Then we'll get along just fine.

[vocalizing]

So...

you really off a farm?

Uh-huh.

You got ducks?

Yeah.

Those little furry birds, I love 'em.

Meet your new assistant Runner Campbell.

It's me.

Why is he dressed like that?

He's from a farm.

Ducks.

What, did you pull him off a tractor?

You want me to find somebody else?

No, we'll see how long he lasts.

Great.

Good luck to both of you.

♪♪ Am I disturbing you?

Yes.

Very much.

You don't remember, do you?

Remember...

I've met you before, haven't I?

Yes.

And I promised you and autographed picture.

Here.

Sign 'em yourself.

It's part of my assistant's job.

[scoffs]

Look, I don't expect this to last long, so...

You're smoking?

Robyn, you don't smoke.

Sorry to disappoint you.

I've tried everything.

Dream analysis, acupuncture, patches.

Nothing works.

Oh, Blackfoot does.

I'm not into those New Age doctors.

Oh, no, no, no, no, Blackfoot root, it's a root.

Oh, my Grams uses it to cure just about everything, from ringworm to hiccups.

It also makes a nice garnish on a Salisbury steak.

I was just kidding about the steak.

So what brings you to L.A., Runner Campbell?

Well, actually-- What did you bring me?

It's lunch.

This is not lunch.

This is a loaded g*n.

For your information, I do not eat red meat or anything that's not organically grown.

Oh, except for these.

Comforting addiction I picked up somewhere.

Maybe summer camp.

Who knows?

I went to so many camps.

I don't like to dwell on the past.

[knocking on door]

Colton, hi.

I thought you'd left.

[door closes]

Oh, no.

Schedule change.

You know, we're night-sh**ting all week, so I won't be accessible, I thought you might like to know.

So, um, is everything okay here?

Oh, Colton, this is a new assistant.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi.

Colton McClane.

Hi.

Uh, take good care of her.

As if she were my own.

Hey, come here, you.

Mmm.

Mmm...

Mmm, mmm...

Colton.

Okay.

Uh, call Greer if you need me.

Ciao.

So, what was your name again?

Uh, it's Johnny.

Runner's just a nickname that I picked up when I was a kid.

I never really liked it then, but it kinda grew on me.

And how does someone get a nickname like "Runner"?

Well, uh, it was actually...

My prenatal days were a bit restless, I guess.

I was always moving around so much, my mom always said I was running laps.

Tough little fetus, weren't you?

Oh, yeah.

I cut my own umbilical cord.

That's a charming story, Runner.

Bet it wins you lots of trophies.

But I'm not that easy.

And I'm no movie star.

[knocking on door]

Yes?

We'll be ready for you in 30 minutes, Miss Call.

Good.

I'll be ready in an hour.

Okay.

You like doing this, don't you?

Doing what?

Keeping everyone waiting.

Let me tell you something.

If I were to show up on time like some over-eager actor, they'd lose respect for me.

And who wants to work with someone you don't respect.

Whoa!

Hey.

Be careful.

[man]

Sorry.

You're welcome.

Pleases and thank-yous slow me down, Runner.

You know what happens when you slow down around here?

You go to the end of the line.

Now, if that's what you need to do your job, I suggest you excuse yourself, because I don't have time for it.

You know, in the time it took you to say all that, you could have said thank you to everyone here.

We need to get something straight.

You are my assistant.

Your job is to take my calls, handle my schedule, and keep me smiling.

That's it.

We have two more weeks of sh**ting, and then we can shake hands and say good-bye forever.

Who knows?

You might even grow to like me.

Maybe.

But I liked my last assistant, too.

[crew chattering]

[man]

Crew, lock it down!

So nice of you to join us today.

Hi.

She's just trying to make me jealous.

[clicks tongue]

This is picture up!

[man]

Roll sound!

Okay, let's give it a go.

[man]

Roll camera!

And...

action!

[piano music playing, crowd chatter]

[laughter and chatter continue]

Oh, oh!

Oh, sorry!

Oh!

I think I'm gonna get sick.

[wind whistling]

If I were a ledger, where would I be?

[gasps]

What the-- [woman's voice]

Don't say it.

Who said that?

Who said that?

It's your mother.

How a daughter can forget her own mother's voice is beyond me.

You can't be my mother.

My...

My mother's dead.

You always were such a downer.

Look, pumpkin, I didn't come back from the dead to argue.

I had some unfinished business and you looked like you could use some help, so here I am.

Boy, are we gonna have fun.

By the way, that dress makes you look fat.

And your makeup.

Oh, my gosh, it is my mother.

[deep sigh]

Cut!

Beautiful!

[crew reacts]

Great job.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Hi, I'm Robyn Call's new assistant.

Yeah?

Yeah.

No, no, no.

No, that was great.

Okay.

How can I help you?

Okay.

[Runner]

Is this where you live?

Now, why should you be staying at a hotel, paying them a ridiculous amount of money when you could be paying me?

All right.

Let's drop the innocent farm boy routine.

It's gettin' old.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I know you're not here to be Robyn's assistant.

Does she know?

I doubt it.

Most people aren't as clever as me.

[whistling]

So, fess up.

Who do you work for?

"Hard Copy"?

"The Enquirer"?

Whatever it is, I want a piece of it.

Come here.

[chuckling]

Childhood sweethearts?

So why didn't you just tell her who you were when you first saw her?

Well, I didn't really count on her not remembering.

Hm, maybe you should've reminded her.

Nah.

I wanted her to remember on her own, and she will.

We just need to spend a little more time together, that's all.

So you figure she'll fall in love with you all over again, huh?

Well, she did once.

[imitates motor whirring]

I used to work for Eastern Airlines.

Yeah.

Anyway, look.

Your secret's safe with me.

And who knows?

You might stand a real chance.

Yeah?

You really think so?

Not in a million years.

Bing.

[beeping]

Dinner's ready.

Chicken or fish?

Mmm-mmm.

Looks good, huh?

Here we are.

Hey, Robyn, I saw your interview on TV last night.

Mmm.

Yeah, you said you felt there was only one person in the whole world for you.

Mm-hmm.

Well, did you really mean that?

Runner, I don't mean to be rude, but these breaks provide me with some of the only time I have to myself all day.

Oh, look.

If our relationship is expected to stay fresh, we have got to start exchanging tidbits of each other's lives.

Like for instance, and I'm not proud to admit this, but I once memorized all the lyrics to The Village People's "Macho Man." You shouldn't believe everything you see on TV, Runner.

People like hearing that kind of junk.

What junk?

Sentimental junk, you know, fate, destiny.

I don't believe in fairy tales.

Why not?

Things like that don't happen to people like me.

My work.

That's what's important.

And honestly, how could anybody really believe there's only one person out there just for them?

Well, then why settle for Colton?

Marrying Colton McClane isn't exactly settling, Runner.

Well, then tell me, what is it about Colton?

You know, I don't like the direction this conversations going in.

I saw the preview for "Dangerous Vows." Looks good, doesn't it?

Hmm, oh, I'm sorry, Robyn, but these breaks provide me with some of the only time I have to myself all day.

Well, your review of my movie doesn't really matter.

I'm sure you tend more towards "The Muppet Caper." "A Smurf Christmas." No.

"City Lights." "The Gold Rush." You're a Chaplin fan?

Mm-hmm.

Why Chaplin?

'Cause he never depended on g*ns or four-letter words.

Or any words.

Listen, I was invited to Greer's country club for a fund-raiser.

You wanna be my escort?

Well, I was supposed to dust the plants, but, uh, I think I can get out of it.

[camera shutters clicking, photographers shouting]

Good to see you.

Hey, Robyn.

Give me a nice big smile.

Smile, dear.

This way, please.

Thank you.

Hi.

[man]

Who's your young man, Robyn?

Got a name?

[camera shutters clicking]

[man]

Thank you very much.

[overlapping chatter]

Thank you.

Be a dear and find us some champagne.

Okay.

Wow.

Robyn Call.

I am here with Robyn Call.

I-I came with Robyn Call.

Two, please.

For me and Robyn Call.

Anyway, this guy on the plane was such a bore.

He just couldn't stop talking about himself.

Excuse me.

Robyn, I am really glad that we're here.

I mean, this is exactly what I always imagined Hollywood would be like.

That's nice, Runner.

Look, when you're done with your drink, I have some phone calls I'd like you to make.

Why don't we meet back here in an hour?

That should give us both enough time.

Oh, I think there's a phone in the locker room.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah.

So finally, I had to say to him...

"Excuse me, sir.

Do you mind..." Excuse me?

Uh, you're not really serious, are you?

What do you mean?

I mean, you brought me here to make phone calls?

You don't expect me to make them, do you?

You know, maybe it was the California sunshine in my eyes.

Or probably the fact that I was just star struck, but you know what?

I just realized something.

You are a real prima donna.

How dare you talk to me like that?

Do you know how humiliating that was?

I have an idea.

You know, I would have expected this behavior from one of my old assistants, but I really thought you were different.

Well, I guess we were both wrong about each other, Robyn.

And who are you to expect anything from me?

I used to be a fan.

Your biggest.

Good luck with Colton, Robyn.

Okay.

[exhales]

Now, just play it strong and confident.

Bring him to heel.

And the point in all this again?

This is the point.

People love a good scandal.

A few more stories like this and the opening of your next film will be huge, boom.

It's just gonna make your job a lot easier.

I thought that was your job.

Get 'em back, babe.

Why don't you stick around for a while?

There's got to be another girl in this town you know from camp.

[knocking on door]

Nope.

Gotta move on.

Well...

Hey, I'm late.

Yeah, "Love Connection"'s auditioning today.

They don't care how many times you try out.

[clicks tongue]

I-- I'd rather you didn't.

Look, Runner, I guess we both got a little overheated last night.

Why don't you just come back to work and we'll forget about it?

It's too late, Robyn.

Fine.

You want an apology.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Now, come on-- Hasn't anyone ever said no to you?

Well, allow me to be the first.

If you're looking for a full-blown sobbing apology like you see in my movies, you can forget about it.

You know, and by the way, I've had to put up with a lot of your crud, too.

Like what?

Well...

For one, you're always so happy.

I think it just always seems that way because you're always so unhappy.

As a matter of fact, I think you're probably the most unhappy person I've ever met.

I'm happy.

When?

I haven't seen it.

Well, maybe you just have more to be happy about than I do, okay?

Runner, look, I just thought you understood that last night was a business thing.

Robyn, you don't get it, do you?

This is not about me.

This is about how you treat everyone.

You really think I'm that big of an ogre, don't you?

You know, the first time I told my mother that I wanted to be an actress, she said it was demeaning, and I was just a little girl.

From then on, we fought about it all the time.

I moved out when I was 18 and I never spoke to her again.

Being on my own meant I had to get tough, Runner.

You can't trust anybody out here.

You know, maybe I do push too hard.

But all I have ever had is my career.

Some people see more than a movie star when they look at you.

Yeah.

They see an ogre.

You know, I probably wouldn't want to work for me either.

I'd like for you to reconsider.

Why?

Because I stood up to you?

No.

Because you cared enough to.

I'm flattered, Rose, but I just can't.

What did you call me?

How did you know that was my real name?

I must've read it someplace.

You know, you probably won't even believe this.

But I used to be a nice person.

I could believe it.

I hope I see you tomorrow.

[door opens]

You were crying.

Was I?

Hey.

It's a nice touch.

[keys jingle]

[engine starts]

[crowd chattering]

Hi.

[Greer]

So...

Taking care of my buddy?

We take care of each other.

Oh, Runner, this is Nicki and Lars.

They're working on my next movie with us.

Hi.

Hi.

Lars and I have come up with a couple of ways to base your character's magical powers more in reality.

Voila.

We make you a writer of superhero comic books.

You're on your way home one night and you get mugged and dunked in a vat of nuclear waste, and as you climb out, you discover that all of the pages of the comic book that you're carrying are blank.

Lo and behold, you gain all your superheroes' powers.

What the heck is that thing in your mouth?

Oh, this?

It's Blackfoot root.

Do you have any other ideas?

Uh...

Uh, well, we open with you taking a trip to Egypt and accidentally stumbling upon the hidden city of Aich.

Aich.

Aich before beauty.

Aich before beauty.

Safe!

Continue, please.

[Nicki clears throat]

Well, your uncanny resemblance to the Aich goddess of love prompts the high priests to anoint you.

Robyn?

What do you think, Greer?

I think it's great, it's in vogue.

Oh, the costumes would be scandalous.

Runner?

Runner?

Runner what?

I'm interested in Runner's opinion.

I think you've done it before.

When has she ever...

No, no, not just this, I mean, the whole thing.

Robyn, you're always doing movies where you're this woman who gets in over her head and then at the very end, some guy comes in and saves you.

Robyn's movies make a lot of money, John-boy.

Greer.

[Lars]

No, no, no.

Robyn's fans like these movies.

They're used to her in these roles.

[Runner]

Well, maybe that's the problem.

Robyn, I saw your last film.

You looked bored.

I was bored.

Well, then do something about it.

[Greer]

Hey!

Robyn Call does what I tell her to do.

Greer, whatever happened to that story I brought you a while back?

The one about Freud's mistress?

A snoozer.

Oh, I liked that one.

Me too.

What was that called?

Uh, "Crazy for You." That's exactly what I should be doing.

Okay.

It's regressive hypnosis, psychotherapy, Freud...

Cigar, yes.

Cigar.

That's good.

Wait till you see the latest.

I got three tabloids and two magazines just dying for these.

Hey!

Send my condolences.

There are other ways to get publicity.

What is going on with you?

Daniel Boone over there has got you chewing on sticks, now you're buying into his act.

What act?

He's the only one who's making any sense lately.

Oh, no, he's got an angle.

Everybody's got an angle.

Excuse me, Miss Call.

We'll be ready for you in 30 minutes.

I'll be there.

You will?

Whoa, we'd better hurry.

[Runner]

Oh, wow.

Nice house.

[Robyn]

Do you have time to come in?

Sure.

Oh, wow!

Yeah, a friend of mine installed it when I moved in.

I was referring to the ocean.

[chuckling]

Oh, it must be great to just wake up in the morning and jump right in.

I wouldn't know.

I don't go down there.

You're kidding.

You live on the beach and you don't go in the water?

[scoffs]

You should just hang a big picture, it'd be cheaper.

All the stars have beach houses.

Greer thought it would give my career topspin.

Well, Greer's quite a philosopher, isn't he?

I mean, not quite up there with Plato, but...

Hey, I wouldn't be where I am without Greer.

And where is that, exactly?

Did you ever have a dream?

Was there ever something that you really needed more than anything and you were right on the verge of getting it but not quite there?

For me, it was acting.

Greer took me out of bit parts.

He made me a star.

No, he didn't.

He didn't make people laugh in "The Runaway." He didn't move people to tears in "Round Again" or scare people to death in "Jambalaya." You did.

"Jambalaya"?

You really are a fan, aren't you?

I didn't think anybody knew about that one.

[mimics announcer voice]

She's a washed-out waitress.

He's a k*ller Cajun on the run.

"'Jambalaya.' A simmering combination." [laughs]

Ugh, so awful!

Yeah.

[laughs]

Do you want to have dinner?

Okay.

Uh, I just have to get cleaned up.

Okay.

Make yourself at home.

Great.

Right.

[humming]

Ugh.

Oh.

Great, great, Runner.

[doorbell chimes]

Greer.

We weren't expecting company.

What is going on here, huh?

I gotta give her something.

Let me in, let me in.

Oh, oh, no, no, no.

I can't.

See, she's undressing.

But I'll make sure she gets it.

Thanks.

Hey!

Runner, we better hurry if we want to get a good table.

[bell tolling]

He cooked dinner.

These are all I could find.

There you go.

What a wonderful meal.

I bet your cooking's won you lots of trophies.

But you're not that easy.

Are you trying to seduce me, Runner Campbell?

Hey, I'm just a small-town hick.

I bet you've never been involved with one of those.

I've never really been involved with anyone till Colton.

You know, being a celebrity, you always have to keep your guard up, start wondering what his angle is.

Does he work for a magazine?

What does he want from me?

All this stuff before you can even start thinking about having fun.

Yeah.

But then along came Colton McClane, the luckiest man in the world.

Runner...

No, it's true.

Runner, have you ever made a decision that might be hard for other people to understand?

You know, what's important to you might not always be what's important to them.

Can I trust you?

Always.

I'm not marrying Colton.

You're calling it off?

It was never on.

My engagement to Colton is a publicity stunt.

You know, with so much riding on "Dangerous Vows," Greer thought-- Well, we thought it was a good idea.

You know, see the love story that made them fall in love.

We're planning a big blowup right after the opening and that's the end of it.

So you and Colton don't mean anything to each other?

Let's just say that I don't mean anything to him.

I have had a crush on Colton McClane since I was a teenager.

Well, that-- That must be very painful for you, I mean, having to be around him all the time.

He's not around all that much.

I just think if we could spend some time together, you never know what could happen between us.

Robyn, I wouldn't count on it.

I don't count on anything, Runner.

This business teaches you that.

You just learn to ignore a lot of your feelings.

Well, then how do you ever find out who you really are?

What does it matter who I really am?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, Grams, like I told you, I'm her assistant.

Runner, you haven't told her yet, have you?

Now, how do you know I haven't told her?

'Cause if you had, you'd either be out picking out a ring or you'd be back here licking your wounds.

Early day.

Robyn's done.

Oh, um, Grams, sorry, but I gotta go.

Runner, you tell her.

Don't you wait till it's too late.

I will, I will, I promise.

Okay, bye.

You ready to go home?

Don't you want to go home?

Hey, who said we have to go home?

No, no, no, you can't go in there yet.

She's changing.

[chuckling]

[low voice]

It's okay.

She's my fiancée.

[low voice]

No, she's not.

[normal voice]

She told me.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

[low voice]

Who else knows?

No one.

Why did she tell you?

'Cause I'm cute.

Oh, hi, Colton.

Hi.

You ready?

Yeah.

Uh...

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Uh-oh.

Whoa!

Here we go!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Whoo, whoo!

[both screaming]

[siren wailing]

♪♪ [music plays over chatter]

Okay.

[laughs]

[both chuckling]

What?

Nothing.

Thanks.

You really made this day fun for me.

Hey, that's what birthdays are supposed to be, right?

Here.

How did you know?

I must've read it someplace.

I don't know what to say.

That was fine.

Hey, you forgot your bag.

I'll go get it.

"Robyn, the beauty of these blooms dull in comparison to the radiance..." "The utter radiance that shines within your eyes." My only wish is that I might bring to you a little magic on this, your very, very special day.

A birthday toast.

[knocking on door]

Excuse me.

Oh, Runner, come on.

We were just about to have a toast.

Yes, it wouldn't be the same without you.

Um...

No.

No, I-- I should get going.

I've got a long drive home.

Ah, yes, you do.

Good night.

Runner!

[door closes]

Well.

Cheers.

[Katie]

Your muscles are so tense.

I can barely get my fingers through them.

I'd love to walk all over you.

I don't mean walk all over you.

Would you like to go out on a date?

Katie!

I think wardrobe found that padded bra you were looking for.

Thank you, Robyn.

She might need help.

Hi.

Hi.

So how'd-- How'd your evening end up?

Ugh, don't ask.

I think we kinda overdid it on the champagne.

Well, Colton certainly comes well armed, doesn't he?

Are you sure he knows it's only pretend?

Well, maybe he just forgot last night.

Ready for the first scene.

That's me.

[man]

Quiet on set!

[director]

And...

action!

Naked?

Cut!

Cut!

Who said that?

Runner, what are you doing?

It says in the script that you're gonna be...

naked.

I'm the only one who gets to yell "cut"!

So you don't want to see me naked?

This has nothing to do with what I want.

Well, then what are we having this ridiculous conversation for?

Runner, it's the only way the scene will work.

It distracts the driver.

Yeah, so Opie, why don't you just go sit down, okay?

'Cause we're running a little behind here.

You know, Ellis, you run this set like a playground, for crying out loud.

Let's go, come on, huh?

Thanks anyway.

I just think there's other ways to do it.

Take two, everybody.

Quiet on the set!

And...

action!

[motor whirring]

Cut!

[tires screeching]

What ways?

Come on, Mom!

Where are you when I need you?

[fabric tearing]

[man screaming]

That's great.

Yeah!

[excited chatter]

Catch you tomorrow on the playground, Greer.

[applause continues]

All this and he can drive a plow, too.

[laughter]

So it looks like you saved me.

That's what I'm here for.

Thought that might be the reason.

It's just so frustrating.

Why doesn't he like me?

Maybe I can be of some help.

[laughing]

You're related to Charles Bronson, aren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

I can see that.

Mm, come on!

Hey, you hungry?

Oh, Colton wants to catch a bite.

Oh.

Okay.

I'll see you later.

Okay.

You're not sulking, are you, Greer?

No.

Scene turned out fine.

I'm happy.

Of course, Ellis is a different story.

He loved the scene.

Yeah, that's what he wants you to think.

But inside, he doesn't like it when you let Runner undermine his authority.

Now, I think for the sake of the picture, we ought to let Runner go.

Honey...

I think he has a point.

I'm not getting rid of him.

Good night, Greer.

[crickets chirping]

Robyn!

Robyn, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, listen, forget about Greer.

I just wanted to tell you, I thought you really nailed that scene.

I was real proud of you.

Thanks, Colton, that means a lot.

Yeah, yeah.

I must say, I was hoping to see a little bit more of you, but...

You know, I was wondering.

Could I get your opinion on something here?

It's an engagement ring.

Yeah, I know what it is, but why are you showing it to me?

You're my fiancée.

You know, I thought for appearances' sake, you should probably have one.

And maybe should think about spending more time together.

I mean, after all, we are engaged.

No, Colton, we're not.

Well, it's not an unreasonable thought, is it?

What are you saying?

I don't know.

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing.

Nothing?

No.

Nothing.

Uh...

You know what, I just remembered, someone's got something for me to-- for me to do somewhere, so I'll-- I'll catch you later.

And the scene was fantastic, all right?

Uh, bye-bye.

What are you still doing here?

Oh.

Just looking for some stars.

Oh, gosh, I'm sure everybody's gone home by now.

Oh.

Oh, that's so sad.

[chuckles]

Don't tell anybody, please.

[laughs]

I don't see any.

It's the city lights.

They're too bright.

Sometimes they keep you from seeing what's right in front of you.

Hey, you're the one who asked.

You're okay, Runner Campbell.

I'd like to show you something.

We're here.

Where?

It's wonderful, isn't it?

It's incredible.

You're the first person I ever brought with me.

My first film was shot here.

In between scenes, I would get amazingly bored and go exploring.

If I just needed to be alone or forget about problems with my mother, I would come here and just pretend I was somebody else.

Like a princess or a queen?

No.

Just a normal girl.

Hey, you know, sometimes, it can really take forever waiting for that other person to take the first step.

So why don't you give your mom a call?

Just kinda tell her how things are going.

It's not important.

Maybe there's some things that she'd like to say to you.

I mean, we all change.

Sometimes for the better.

Things to you are always so simple.

You know, she called me a couple years ago.

She said she wanted her daughter back.

I mean, what did she think?

That she was just gonna come walking back into my life like nothing ever happened?

Yeah, right.

I'm not that easy.

People change.

And maybe she did.

But I'll never know.

She died a month ago.

Hey, I--It's okay.

I'm over it.

I found this on one of my early expeditions.

No...

Was this really his?

Yep.

The spitting image.

[both laughing]

Wait, wait, wait.

You need accompaniment.

[music plays on record]

No, come on!

Show me some more, it was great!

No, really.

That's all I know.

[music continues]

How did you learn to dance like this?

My grandma taught me.

Said it would win me some nice trophies.

What else did she teach you?

[Greer]

Yeah.

No, no.

Hey, listen.

Hang up, will ya?

I gotta go.

Here you go.

Nice to see you, Mr. Grissom.

Good luck with your game today.

Oh, I'm not here to play games, Chad.

Come on.

You know, Greer, I'm really delighted you brought me here.

We should go out more often.

You know, maybe take a class together.

You haven't been out here long, have you?

It's interesting, though.

You've managed to influence Robyn's decisions in such a short period of time.

Well, I am her assistant.

Hmph.

Let's put our cards on the table.

You know our little secret, but I don't know yours.

I do think, though, that you have something more ambitious in mind than just ruining our little wedding plans.

You pay money to come here and sweat?

It's 93 degrees today.

Why don't you just go outside and lift a box or something?

I like it here, Runny.

I like my Mercedes, I like my $100 ties, I like my weekly sessions with Audrey.

I'm a guy who has a lot of things, and right now, you're messing with the one thing that I like the most.

Robyn Call is not your "thing." You're only sweating because you know she's starting to realize that.

You know, you're not as dumb a hayseed as I once thought you were, but then I always do give people the benefit of the doubt.

Listen, we can make this easy or we can make it hard.

I can do it either way.

I've spent the last five years building Robyn Call into a star and you're not about to ruin it for me.

It's out of my hands.

Ha!

Hardly.

You know, it's funny, you remind me a lot of me.

That's not funny.

Yeah, I came from a small town, too, full of gumption.

Came out here to Hollywood to be an actor, but they told me my features were a little too genteel.

I, too, wanted to bag me an actress, but then I'm not as lucky as you are.

Look, Campbell, I want you out of here.

I want you out of the state and I want you never to talk to Robyn Call again.

And...

[clears throat, sighs]

I got a little check here for $50,000 for your trouble.

Less, of course, my commission.

Greer, it's not luck.

You're just a jerk.

[groans]

Hi.

Hi.

Well, you got a hundred guys out there dying to see you in this.

What about you?

Well, okay, 101.

I'll just wait outside?

No, stay, please.

I can change back here.

Oh.

Okay.

What are you working on?

Oh, I just thought I'd maybe write a letter to my grandma.

From what you've told me, she sounds real special.

Oh, that she is.

She taught me how to sh**t free throws and appreciate a poem.

Also, sweet talk my way out of a traffic ticket.

Seems to have gotten you this far.

Well, that's 'cause she always taught me to go after what I want.

I hope so.

Lace me up, will you, please?

You can just tie it in a bow.

Okay.

You know, your Grams and I see things the same way.

Is that, uh, is that tight enough?

Mm-hmm.

I think more people should just take a gamble and go for it.

Go for it?

Yeah, you know, just throw caution to the wind.

Forget the risks.

Just go for it.

You, out!

Hey!

I said get out of here!

Robyn.

Runner, you'd better go.

Are you crazy?

Are you nuts?

That was completely uncalled for.

Well, I didn't like what I was seeing.

Well, there's nothing to see.

But if there was, it was my business, not yours.

We're not engaged, Colton.

Things change.

Colton, what has been going on with you lately?

I don't know, I mean...

You know, a lot of things.

Uh...

Things we do.

Things we don't expect because of-- of what we do.

What are you talking about?

I need to get some water.

Uh...

Look, Robyn...

My work has been my life.

And...

I never expected there to be anything else, you know?

Until recently.

Robyn.

What?

Robyn...

What?

Marry me.

Not just for appearances' sake.

Marry me.

Robyn, I'd really like to talk about-- Runner, please, not now.

I'm working on my lines.

Hey, hey, listen, listen.

I know women, all right?

You gotta be more insensitive.

When's the last time you ever got anywhere with a woman you were nice to.

Call her Melissa by accident.

They hate that.

[chuckles]

Thanks.

Robyn, why don't we talk about what's going on here?

Runner, this is a ladies' room.

Robyn, you've been avoiding me all day.

Let me out.

Robyn.

Runner, I can't be spending time with you now.

Why?

Why?

Because you confuse me.

Robyn.

Colton asked me to marry him.

Well, what did you say?

I told him I didn't know.

You're considering it?

Of course.

It's a dream come true.

Robyn, you cannot marry Colton.

You don't love him.

You love the idea of Colton McClane loving you.

Runner, I will decide for myself who I love.

Thank you very much.

[door opens]

Hey.

Look.

Got you a little parting gift.

You can watch the wedding right on there, huh?

Just hang it on the back of the tractor.

There's a call for you, Runner.

[man]

Quiet on the set, please!

Thanks.

[man]

Ready camera.

Okay, Frank and Jimmy, let's turn over.

Yeah, how did it happen?

Okay, okay.

Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can.

Roll camera.

All right, bye.

[Robyn]

Just give me a second, Alice.

Okay, I'm ready.

This is the last scene.

Make me look clever.

Mark it.

And action.

I'm no critic, but personally, I liked that painting better when it was covering your chest.

Hi, Mom.

Remember when you'd bring me here when I was a little girl?

Every Saturday until you were 12.

I miss those times, Mom.

I miss you.

So do I, dear.

You know, you and I are very lucky.

We have been given an opportunity most people don't get.

I just wish it didn't come so late.

You painted roses in my bedroom.

On the ceiling, the walls, the door.

She's off the script.

That's okay, this is great!

I've often wondered where I'd be if we hadn't turned each other away.

I'll see a woman my age walking down the street with her mom and I think, why couldn't that have been us?

I hated you for it.

Then I hated myself.

So many missed moments.

All those memories we could have shared together.

My life would have been so different if you were around.

It would have been better.

I have put so much energy behind all the wrong priorities.

I think it's time I stop.

Thanks, Mom.

I know now that you didn't come back to put your mind at ease.

You came back for me, so that I could.

And cut!

[birds chirping]

[nurse speaking over P.A.]

Hey, Grams.

Hi.

How's your leg feeling today?

Good.

That was some fall you took.

The cinch was loose on my saddle.

Anyhow, doc said he'd let me go home today.

Good.

You ready?

Yeah.

Booth and I brought you a little going home present.

[inhales deeply]

Old Spice.

Hello, Cora.

Why is it I always feel like fainting when you're around?

Because you know I'll always be there to catch you.

Oh, you look so good.

Harvey, what are you doing here?

Your grandson looked me up.

Said you took a spill.

Thought you might like to see me.

I told him, not as much as I wanted to see you.

[tapping on door frame]

Am I interrupting?

[insects chirping]

[bird hooting]

You got a real nice family, Runner.

You know, Grams is exactly like I imagined her.

[both chuckle]

I doubt this place could be any more charming.

You're not gonna go on about the weather, are you?

[horse neighs]

I'm sorry about the way I left things.

Mickey told me why you dashed off, and I just thought maybe you could use some company.

You're a welcome sight.

Wow, you weren't kidding about the stars.

Mmm.

Someone could get real used to this.

I think I could sleep on this swing all night.

Yeah?

My dad and I built this swing.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

That barn, too.

Come on.

I was only old enough to hold the nails when we built this.

What a summer.

Me and Booth, Dad and Grandpa.

14 days straight.

We worked sun up to sundown on this barn.

My dad cut every board here.

Wow.

Every single one.

[nickering]

Whoa, I didn't see you hiding there.

[chuckles]

What's his name?

Her name is Rose.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

That's a fitting name for a horse.

[chuckles]

I bet you miss your friend Runner.

I know I would.

She likes it when you do this.

Here.

I called it off with Colton.

I really think we might have been happy.

But not like this.

Nothing could be like this.

[rooster crowing]

Morning.

Morning.

Morning you two.

Morning, Grams.

Did you sleep well, dear?

Like a horse.

[Runner chuckling]

[Grams taps spoon on glass]

I hope no one has any plans for the rest of the week, and if you do, cancel 'em.

You're getting married.

Very good, Runner.

Now, it's not gonna be anything fancy.

Just the families.

Runner's right?

This time on Friday, Harvey and I will be sucking down mint juleps aboard the "Sunset Sea Witch." [all chuckling]

Oh, Connie, dear, if you don't mind, I would like to borrow that trashy nightie I caught you wearing the other night.

Uh, Grams, don't you think you and Harvey might be moving a tad fast?

At our age, you got to.

You only get to feel this way about one person, and I do not intend to waste it.

I can't imagine anything nicer than holding that man's hand for the rest of my life.

I'm sorry you can't stay for Gram's wedding.

I gotta get back and put my house on the market.

Buy some cowboy boots.

[chuckles]

Tell Greer to put my career on hold for a while.

[trunk door closes]

Promise you won't forget about me.

I promise.

Oh, Connie!

I just wanted to say goodbye.

Tell her.

Shh!

I will!

Tell that girl who you are.

Grams, Grams, I'm afraid to tell her right now, okay?

Everything's perfect just the way it is.

Tell her.

Grams, I'll tell her later, okay?

It can't do any harm to wait until she gets to know the new me better.

Yes, I am suspicious.

Yeah.

[messages rewinding, machine beeping]

[woman's voice]

Hey, Mick!

I just saw your dad in "Death Wish 5." There's a strong family resemblance.

I thought we'd have some dinner.

Call me.

[answering machine beeps]

[Runner's voice]

Mickey, it's Runner.

Listen, my plan is working.

Robyn doesn't have a clue as to who I am.

All systems go.

Now, don't say anything, okay?

She still doesn't know why I came after her and I don't want her hearing it from you.

[machine beeps]

He was conning you, sweetheart.

I found that...

along with about 50 other clippings.

He was researching you.

Finding out what you like, what you didn't like.

How to push your buttons, how to charm you.

That's how he knew about Rose.

He used me.

For what?

For money, for a tell-all book.

What does it matter?

I guess it doesn't matter.

No.

So, the wedding's back on?

Yeah.

Hey, Robyn?

Robyn!

Hey.

Yeah, hey.

Just a second, will you.

Just put it in my car over there, see it.

Greer, look, I gotta speak with Robyn.

Yeah, ooh.

Too late, buddy.

Show's over.

She's long gone.

Mickey told me what you told her.

All I did was tell her the truth.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got a wedding to attend to.

Greer, come on.

Just give me five minutes.

Hey...

It's too late, all right?

You should have taken the money, farm boy.

Okay, Harold.

You stay right here.

Make sure nobody gets in, okay?

And, Bill, I want you to scoot around the corner, make sure nobody jumps that fence, nobody.

Okay, thanks, guys.

All right!

Robyn, I have been trying to get a hold of you.

So now you've added breaking and entering to your list of crimes.

You cannot marry Colton.

Why?

At least he's honest.

I thought you quit.

Okay, I lied.

And I would have cheated and stole and done anything to get close to you.

So it's true.

You planned everything.

Try not to trip on my dignity on the way out.

Robyn...

listen!

There was a time when your words would have romanced me, Runner.

And there was a time when you weren't so cynical.

You don't know me that well.

I used to.

No.

No one's known me for a long time now.

[door opens]

Look, Robyn.

Robyn!

Get him out of here.

[guard]

Hey, come on, buddy, let's go.

Oof!

Runner!

Runner, stop it!

Rose, it's me!

Get him out of here!

Your shell!

Rose!

[Greer moaning]

Ow!

Oh, man, he's gonna do hard time, I swear.

For what?

He hit me in the eye, for crying out loud.

[door closes]

[Greer sighs]

Rose.

Who is Rose, anyway?

No one you know.

It's not hip to be late to your own wedding.

Give me a hand with this stuff.

God, at the rate you move, all your single guests will be engaged by the time I get there.

Oh, man...

Look, Nicki, Nicki, just get her-- I'll get it-- Just get her out of here, will you?

Ahh, yes.

[church organ playing]

Oh, honey, hey!

Oh, here.

Oh, Greer!

Lovely to see you.

That's the first time I had to bail out somebody else.

So when are you gonna pay me back?

[engine starts]

Hey...

Hey, come back here!

Now, did you memorize your lines?

"I do." Put a little something in your stomach so you'll feel better.

Thanks.

Ugh.

[children laughing]

Johnny.

[Greer, knocking]

Robyn?

Robyn, are you all right?

No.

[tires squealing]

Robyn, listen.

I just want you to be happy now.

Please.

Look at you, come here.

["Bridal Chorus" playing]

That's it.

You look beautiful.

Here.

Give me your arm.

[Rose]

Promise you won't forget about me, Johnny.

[Johnny]

I promise.

I love you.

[Rose]

I love you, too.

♪♪ Colton...

I'm happy.

I'm happy, too.

For the first time since...

since I was 12...

I'm really happy.

Me-- And that's why we're here.

So, um, maybe we should get on with it.

I'm sorry.

I can't.

Robyn?

Well, he's a very lucky guy.

And you're a saint.

[guests murmuring]

What are you doing, Robyn?

Let me go, Greer.

What, are you crazy?

You're gonna ruin my career.

Without me, you don't have a career.

[guests gasp]

Robyn!

Wait!

Robyn.

Hi.

Why didn't you tell me?

I wanted to tell you, but you had forgotten.

No, I didn't forget.

I just didn't remember.

That girl's gone, Runner.

She's been gone a long time.

She's not gone.

She just forgot for a while.

[chuckles]

Yes!

Look at that perfect couple!

Come on!

Get some shots, that's front-page stuff!

Hey, ask him about ducks!

Those little furry birds, he loves 'em!

Runner, Runner, Runner.

Yeah.

I gave this to you a long time ago and I asked you to never forget about me.

I didn't.

You didn't.

Safe!

Safe!