Kermit's Swamp Years (2002)

[bunniefuu]

♪
Another beautiful day in
the swamp

♪ Yeah, it's beginning to
bloom and it's hot and sticky

♪ Traffic update
Take alligator alley,
make it snappy

♪ This bug is faster than
the eye

♪ I guess I'm one super fly

♪ Maestro,
some traveling music

♪ Come on,
head on down the road

♪ Watch me now, come on
I'm fast, I'm cool

♪ Ain't nothin' gonna stop me

♪ My Great-Grandma's faster
than that and she's got
a walker

♪ Way too slow, way too slow

♪ I got plenty of time,
I'll just rest here

♪ Whoo, nice try

♪ But, well,
I'm just too hip to clip ♪

Let me out of your mouth!
You don't know where I been!

All right, you win.

You used to be much faster,
Kermit.

You used to be much thinner,
Horace.

I know. I gotta lay off those
late night pu-pu platters.

-See you at the swamp.
-Okay.

By the way, Kermit.

Welcome home.

Aw, home.

Yup, that's where I'm headed,
back home to the swamp.

There's something magic about
going back to the place where
you grew up.

Every lily pad and
moss-covered tree seems to
bring back memories.

Even this old dirt road.

I know it doesn't look like
much, but I remember the first
time I ever saw it.

I was years old,
and I didn't know it then,

but my friends and I were
about to go on the biggest
adventure of our lives.

Me and my buddies Croaker and
Goggles had already dropped
our tails,

but grown-ups still treated us
like we were tadpoles.

So every day we'd go looking
for new ways to show
the world

how big and brave we were.

KERMIT: Okay, I'm gonna go!
I'm gonna do it now!

CROAKER: Come on, Kerm.
We ain't got all day here.

GOGGLES: This looks dangerous!

CROAKER: What are you
waiting for? Come on!

Okay, guys, I'm gonna
do it now. Watch!

Ready, set, go!

Come on in, Goggles.
The water's fine!

I don't know. We toads don't
actually like water all
that much.

-Come on, it's fine.
-Okay, if you say so.

Help! I'm drowning!

My whole life is flashing
before my big, bulgy eyes!

Excuse me, Goggles.

The water's only three
inches deep.

Oh, hey!

-Are you okay?
-Yeah, that was fun.

I think.

Out of the way, tadpoles!
Here comes Croaker!

Way to go!

That was his highest hop.

-And his splashiest landing.
-Yeah.

-Way to go, Croaker!
-Yea, Croaker!

Croaker, where are you?
Croaker?

A frog can't drown.

It's oxymoronic!

Croaker, where are you?

-That was a good one.
-Thanks.

Come on, you guys.

Yeah, now this is the
good life, huh, fellas?

-Yeah.
-Hangin' with your
best buddies.

Breathing in that stanky
swamp air.

I don't know.

What's the matter, Kerm?
You don't like hangin' out
with us no more?

It's 'cause I'm a toad, right?
You don't like hanging out
with warty toads.

You guys are the best.
It's just that,

I don't know. Haven't you ever
wondered if there's something
out there?

You know, something beyond
the swamp?

No. Should I have?

-Am I abnormal?
-Yes.

I think you're
onto something here, Kerm.

Well, maybe.

Sometimes if I listen
real close,

I swear I can hear a voice
calling my name.

Yeah? Voices, huh?

Yeah, sort of like this.

Kermit!

Who's Herman?

-The voice says "Kermit".
-Ooh,

Anyway,
so you hear voices and,

Forget it, you guys.
This is silly.

If you're hearing voices
telling you that you should go
out of the swamp,

well, then I think you
should listen.

-Hey, where are you going?
-Out of the swamp.

-What?
-I must have water in
my ears.

I could've swore you just said
you were goin' out of
the swamp.

Oh, no, I'm not going
out of the swamp.

We're going out of the swamp.

What?

I'm having palpitations here!

Row!

-Row!
-I'm rowing, sir. I'm rowing.

Halt!

You know,
Mary, sometimes I think
this is where I truly belong.

-In a boat?
-No. In the swamp.

Waiting for the sunrise,
matching wits with nature.

Wearing rubber pants.

Yes, well,

nature takes some
strange turns.

-It does?
-Yes.

When you're young, you think
you're going one way,

and you end up heading in the
opposite direction.

We're lost?

No, we're not lost. I know
exactly where we're going.

Right over there
where the frogs should be.

Come on, put your back
into it, Mary. Row!

Yes, sir.

Croaker, stop.

-We're not supposed to leave
the swamp.
-Are you out of your mind?

If we want to know what's
out there, then I think we
have to go out there.

I don't wanna know what's
out there. I'm not even
comfortable with what's here.

Then maybe you guys
shouldn't come.

Kermit, we gotta stop him!
This is a sin against nature.

Maybe we can talk some sense
into him.

Croaker, wait up.

Come on.

Well, fellas, here it is.
This is it.

Just beyond this marsh grass
here, is the outside world.

Oh, wow. We're really here.

I think I feel a rash
coming on.

-I've never been this
close before.
-Am I breaking out?

Take it easy,
Sweaty McSweatycutty.
It'll be an adventure.

But adventures make me gassy!

Goggles, come on.
You can't be afraid all
your life.

Sure, I can.

How 'bout we take a quick peek
and come right back?

-No, I can't.
-Sure, you can.

-I can't.
-You can.

-Can!
-Can't!

-Mary, did you hear that?
-Birds?

-No.
-Crickets?

-Can!
-Can't!

Frogs?

The wind whistling softly
through the tall marsh grass?

We're not looking for
whistling grass.
We're looking for frogs.

-Sorry, Mr. Krassman.
-That's Dr. Krassman.

Wait. Cut the cancan.

Look.

Frogs!
I knew I'd find them here.

I'm a genius.

Well, sir, this is their
ecosystem.

Ecosystem, "Schmecosystem."

-Come on.
-Right, sir.

-What kind of
creatures are those?
-I don't know.

Yes, sir. Doctor, sir.

Where are we going?

Why are you pushing,

Just keep moving.
Just keep moving.

-Sorry.
-Ow, you stepped on my gland.

-Your poison gland?
-Guys, guys!

I'm going to find you
and catch you,

and you can't do a thing
about it.

Sir,
are you talking to the frogs?

Me? Of course not.
Well, I wasn't talking,

I think I saw them over here.

-Be quiet.
-I got poison on my foot.

I can't help it!
It's a toad's only
defense mechanism!

Guys, be quiet.

-Stay hidden! Stay hidden.
-It's itchin' bad.

Oh, it's on my foot.
Oh, it's on my foot.

Croaker, no!

Don't leave me!
I have abandonment issues!

Sweet relief. Oh, that's nice.

There they are!

Oh, the horror!

Finally caught you.
You can't escape.

Nothing can save you now.

-Except possibly that.
-What?

Thank you, Arnie.

Oh, anytime, Kerm.
So tell me.

What were you boys doing
down there by the edge of
the swamp?

Edge of the swamp? We weren't
at the edge of the swamp.

We were right here tasting
pond scum.

Pond scum, yeah.

Oh really?

Well, no.

Actually, we were just bobbing
for stink bark.

Bobbing for stink bark.

Would you believe we were
studying ophthalmology?

Okay, Arnie, we were at the
swamp's edge,

but only because we're curious
about what's out there beyond
the swamp.

Ain't nothin' out there
but trouble.

Shiny-wheeled beasts and
rubber-pant-wearing
human beings.

Ah,
them humans don't scare me.

Why, if you didn't come along,
I would've hopped
on their heads,

and said, "Get out of here,
you humans, you!"

Don't you ever talk to humans!

Animals that talk to humans
get k*lled,

and cooked,

and eaten alive.

-How unpleasant!
-Wait a second.

How could you be eaten alive
if you were
already k*lled, huh?

Oh, they have their ways.

For the rest of the day,
Goggles, Croaker and I,

talked about what Arnie
had said,

that we should never leave the
swamp and never, ever talk
to humans.

We knew Arnie was
probably right,

but sometimes knowing
you shouldn't do something,

makes you want to do it
even more.

Oh, the fireflies are on.
We better head home, guys.

Mmm, light, yet filling.

Hey, guys, do you think
Arnie's right about what's
outside the swamp?

Nah,
he's just trying to scare us.

Well, he did a very good job.

Imagine getting
k*lled and cooked.

And eaten alive.

Centipede and barley soup.
My favorite.

Kermit, can you set the table
for your brothers and sisters?

Sure, Ma!

Dinner, guys!

Bath time!

Bedtime!

I forgot about potty time.

♪ You've got to follow

♪ Follow your star

♪ You've got to follow

♪ No matter how far ♪

-VOICE: Kermit.
-What?

You heard me?

You called my name.

Oh, yes,
oh, distant, beckoning star.

Star? It's your mother.

Oh, hi, Mom.

It's very late.
You should be in bed.

Hey, Mom?

You remember how you told me
once that there was a star
up there,

with my name on it?

That's right.

What if I can't reach my star
from here?

Oh, this is a big swamp.
You can reach any star
from here.

-Yeah, but, Mom...
-Kermit.

It's time for bed, sweetheart.

Okay, Mom. I'll be right in.

All night long,
I had terrible dreams.

I was stepped on by
rubber boots.

I was grabbed by human claws.

And I was dipped
in bread crumb and eggs.

That sounds awful.

Actually, the eggs felt
quite soothing on my buttocks.

-Oh, yeah?
-I ain't scared of no dreams.

I ain't scared of nothin'.

Blotch!

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the
Soggy Pants Brothers.

Oh, yeah?
Well, we ain't brothers, see?

And we don't even wear pants.
Look!

See?

-Easy.
-Did you just moon me,
wart face?

No, I was just showing you
my pantless behind.

Well, let's see you moon
a knucklehead sandwich.

-Well, we ain't sandwiches.
-Duck!

Duck? I don't see no duck.

He's not worth it.

I got youse now, frog.

I'm a toad!

I can see my house from here!

Quick, guys!
Into the marsh grass. Come on!

We're outside the swamp.

It's so big and beautiful,

and,

Ooow!

Ow! That hurts.

Look!

It's the shiny-wheeled beast!
Arnie was right.

Look out!

Come back here!
I ain't done with youse yet.

Oh, not there!

Must be my lucky day.

Oh, no!

There you go.

Nice and cozy.

We have to do something.
Come on!

Come on, Bertha.
I know you can do it.

Stop! Come back!

-You all right?
-Yes.

But we have to catch
that shiny-wheeled thing.

Don't worry, Kerm.

Nothin' gets past me.

Come to Papa.

That was a close one.
Are you okay, Croaker?

Croaker? Croaker?

Croaker, are you all right?
Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm just a little tired.

Kermit!

I feel so sick and nauseous.

You barf on me, you die.

That was amazing, Kerm.

My entire life passed
right before my very eyes.

And boy, do I got some issues.

They're gone,
and it's all my fault.

What are you talking about?

If I hadn't made us leave the
swamp, none of this would
have ever happened.

Yeah, but we're here now,

so what do you wanna do?

We gotta help Goggles.

Yeah, help Goggles.
That's right.

Even if it means
that the humans k*ll us,

and they cook us,
and they eat us alive.

We could always go back to the
swamp and tell our folks
what happened.

That's probably a better idea.
Let's try that first.

Wait a minute!
What am I thinking?

I don't care what danger
is out there.

I'm not going back to that
swamp 'til I find my friends.

-Are you with me?
-Are you kidding me?

-Then let's go.
-Come on.

I've been kicking frog behinds
for years,

and nothing like this has
ever happened.

-Actually, I'm a toad.
-Don't wise mouth me,
bug breath!

Please stop yelling.

Next time I go to smoosh
youse, youse just stand still.

You're still yelling.

Youse better figure a way
to get me out of this.

-You hear me?
-Can't talk! Hyperventilating!

Cut it out.

Weaving. Spinning.

Breath shortening.
Going through the dark tunnel.

Bye-bye, Mommy.

You pass out on me,
and I'll put out your lights.

Paper bag. Paper bag!

Oh, here.

-Better?
-Oh, much better.

-Thank you.
-Good.

Now get me out of here!

We are so lost.

I'll just hop up in the air
and see which way they went.

-Okay.
-All right.

Forgot to warm up there.

-Yeah.
-All right.

-Oh, no.
-What's the matter?

I lost my hop, I think.

What?

-This never happened to
me before.
-Calm down.

You couldn't have lost
your hop. You're the best
hopper I've ever seen.

-The best hopper, right?
-Yeah.

You're right.
What was I thinking there?

-Try again.
-Okay, I'm gonna do that.

Look at me here,
lying in the dirt.

Can't hop.

Tire track across my chest.

I'm useless.

No, you're not. Look.

The tire track on your chest
matches the tire tracks on
this road.

-So?
-So,

that must mean they went
that way.

-Oh, yeah.
-Here.

-Thanks.
-Here you go.

I'm a walkin' road map.

-Come on.
-Who'd have thunk it, huh?

What you doin',
playing hide-and-seek?

Don't worry. I won't tell 'em
where you are.

Okay, you two,
here's your new home.

-Hi, Joey.
-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Glad you stopped by.
Wanted to give Ralph his new
squeaky toy.

Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

Why don't you have a dog?

One thing I learned about dogs
is you have to wait for the
right one.

Like Ralph?

Exactly like Ralph.

What do youse
freaky frogs want?

Freaky frogs? Where?
I don't see anybody.

Oh, no! I'm blind! Help!

I can see! It's a miracle.

Excuse me. Hi. Hello.

I'm Roy.

I'd like to welcome you to
our little pet store here,
if you know what I mean.

Hey, stop touching me,
or I'll swat you like a
sick mosquito.

Oh, I get it.
Personal space issue.

Okay, well, we'll all
remember that, right, g*ng?

(IN SPANISH ACCENT)
Chill man.
Our tank is your tank, okay?

Thank you.
Is there a restroom nearby?

It was a very long ride,
and we toads have
such small bladders.

Shut up, toad brain!

Listen up, youse gilled geeks.

I want out of here,
and I want out of here now!
Comprende?

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

Stop making fun of me!

I think you're under a lot
of stress. Am I right about
that? I bet I am.

That's it. I'm gonna slug you
so bad, even your hurts
are gonna get hurt.

-Why do you have to be
so mean?
-What did you say to me?

Nothing.

That's what I thought.
Now where was I?

You were gonna hurt my hurts,
I believe is what it was.

Oh,
yeah, I'm gonna stomp you,

murderize you,
pulverate you, and then I'm
really gonna...

I did say something.
I said you're mean.

-What?
-You're a mean,
stinky bully head.

Nobody likes mean,
stinky bully heads.

What are you gonna do
about it?

This.

Stand still!

Why, I oughta,

Look, the frogs are fighting.

I hope they're fighting.
I shelled out a lot for this
sky box.

I told you to stand still
when I goes to smoosh you.

-I'll put five dollars on the
fat one.
-I'll take that action.

Hey, what's going on here?

My, my, you two should be
on the nature channel.

Boy, I never walked this much
in my entire life.

-Me neither.
-Watch your step there.

I don't want to rest
or anything.

-Me neither.
-'Cause I ain't tired.

Me neither.

Here you go, you two.
Give you a little privacy.

Nice.

A little tacky, but with some
fresh-cut flowers,

perhaps a throw pillow.

Get away from me, toadstool.

Blotch!

I said, get lost!

Getting late. No frogs.
Ticktock, ticktock. No frogs.

Okay, so why don't we
just call the pet store?

Pet store?

In all my years of science,
I've never had to pay for it.

I mean, a frog, that is.

Sir, if it's about the money,
I can certainly loan you
a few dollars.

-Stop!
-Don't worry about it.

It's my mad money.
I have no plans to go mad any
time soon.

Just stop the car!

I'm gonna get you now,
froggies.

Croaker, wake up.

-What is it?
-You're as good as got.

Start the car!

All right, you.
I'm warning you.

-I got a green belt in hop fu.
-He does too!

Stupid hop.
What's going on here?

All right, you! You back away
from my friend,

or I'll,

Is that a stick?
I love sticks!
I love 'em so much.

-Are we gonna play fetch, huh?
-What?

You know, fetch.
You throw the stick,
I catch the stick.

It'll be great.
It's fun. Come on.

Please! Throw the stick.
Come on, throw it.

Okay.

There, you see?
That was fun, right?
That was enjoyable.

Thank you so much.
My name's Pilgrim.

-Hi, Pilgrim.
My name is Kermit.
-I lost my hop, I think.

This here is Croaker.

It was really nice to meet
you. Thanks for everything.
We gotta go.

Wait, hold up.
Can I be your dog?

Well, gee,
we really don't need a dog.

Come on, you can be
my brand-new beloved owners.

What happened to
your old owner?

We were in the car having a
great ride, my head out the
window, wind in my fur.

Next thing you know,
I'm a stray.

Gee, that's too bad.

-We'll see you around, sister.
-Bye-bye.

Wait!
See, if you're my new owners,
we can take walks together,

you can groom and feed me.

When I go number two,
you can pick it up
with a scooper.

Gee, that really sounds nice.

Except for
the last part there.

But right now we really
just gotta find our friends.

Come on, let's go.

-What? Friends?
-See you.

Why didn't you say so?
Did I mention I'm
part bloodhound?

I can track down anyone.

Lookin' for a frog,
lookin' for a frog.

Lookin' for a frog,
lookin' for a frog.
Come on.

What do you know?
I found a frog.

-She's pretty good there.
-And your nose is cold too.

So what do you say?
Can I be your dog?

Excuse us,
Pilgrim, for a moment.

Listen.

We sure could use the help.

All right, Pilgrim,
frogs don't usually
own dogs,

but if you'd like to
come along,

Okay.
All right. Well, here we go.

Tell me about
these friends of yours.

Do you have any items
or clothing that might have
their scent on it?

No, they're amphibians.
They don't wear any clothes.

Oh, all right.
Whatever you're into.

When did you last see them?

They were taken away
by a shiny-wheeled red beast.

-What?
-Shiny-wheeled red beast?

It had two evil eyes
and big evil teeth,

and it left this mark across
my otherwise
unsullied midsection.

Okay.

Okay, all right,
use a tissue, please.

See, that was no shiny-wheeled
red beast, no.

See, that was a truck,
a red pickup truck,

with an eight-cylinder engine,
a five-speed transmission,

AM/FM radio,
leather seats and,

-a cup holder.
-Cup holder?

-Are you sure?
-I'm positive.

I know just
where to look for it too.
Come on.

-This could work out.
-Okay, let's go.

(ON RADIO)
We're back with more from
Harry and the Hitmakers.

Oh, I'll get those frogs
and their little dog too.

Actually, it wasn't a
little dog. It was more of a
medium-sized dog.

I think It was a schnauzer,
maybe a spaniel.

-Mary!
-Yes, sir? Doctor, sir.

You don't want
to be an assistant
scientist forever, do you?

-You want to be
a real scientist.
-Yes!

Ever since I saw
The Wizard of Oz as a kid,
I wanted to be a scientist.

What does The
Wizard of Oz
have to do with science?

Nothing.

Good. Well, then just listen
to me, my little Dorothy.

Mary.

I'd like to tell you something
very special you should do
right now,

to become a real scientist.

Pearl of wisdom.
Let me get my notebook.

-Okay, I'm ready. Go ahead.
-Drive the car.

That is good. "Drive"

-Just drive the car!
-Oh, sorry. Driving, sir.

-Snakes is icky.
-No. Icky?

No, Vicki not icky.

I show you icky.

-Let him go!
-Help!

I am choking life out of him.
Why should I be letting go?

So you can choke
the life out of me,
if you're snake enough.

Vicki loves a challenge.

Choke a little
quieter over there.

I thought you
lost your hearing.

Of course I'd love
some herring.

But who could eat
with all that noise?

-What are youse doing?
-I can do this, I hope.

Come on,
glands, do your stuff!

Oh, that itches.

-Well?
-This game's over.

Great. Let's eat.

Is itching! It itches so!
I have hideous itching!

Oh, I must scratch!

Why was I cursed
with no hands?

-Scratching!
-Why did youse do that?

I was helping a friend.

Thanks.

So, Pilgrim, I thought you
said going this way was gonna
be dangerous.

Yeah, you call this dangerous?
I'll tell you about dangerous.

Remember this, Kerm?
This one time I put a wasps'
nest on my head,

and started dancing
the hokey-pokey
just to see what would happen.

Now, that's dangerous.

All right, simmer down,
happy feet. We're not out
of the woods yet.

What do you mean?

Oh, no!

What was that?

-That's called a pig.
-Pig, huh?

I hope I never see another one
of those my entire life.

Come on, Blotch!
You can do it!

Why aren't youse pushing?

'Cause you have the strength
of ten bullfrogs,

while I have the strength
of one small paramecium,

with a groin pull.

Oh, strong!

Come on!

Just where are you
two gentlemen off to?

We're bustin' out,
blowin' this joint,

flyin' the coop,
takin' a powder!

-I thought we were leaving.
-That too.

That don't make no sense.
Why would you wanna go and do
something so silly?

'Cause we're going home,
back to the swamp.

Wait! Wait a second.

But you boys is pets now.
You've got nothing to
worry about.

Of course I have to worry.
I could get hit by
a falling tree.

I could get snatched up
by a vicious hawk.

I could eat an overripe
palmetto bug.

When you're a toad,
danger lurks around
every corner.

Au contraire,
not if you are a pet toad.

You see, mon ami,
when you're a pet,

humans take care of you.

They feed you.
They play with you.

Why, they even
clean up your poo-poo.

-Poo-poo?
-Oui, oui, poo-poo.

Why, you have not lived life
until you have lived life,

as a pet.

♪ What good is sitting

♪ Alone like this

♪ You can live a life

♪ In perpetual bliss

♪ No more hunger

♪ No more pain

♪ Only one in chance

♪ Of being first down
the drain

♪ No more worries

♪ No more strife

♪ Leap into a whole new
leash on life

♪ No chilly nights

♪ No more frets

♪ You can ferret for yourself
with no regrets

♪ You'll be a star on
your own stage

♪ Even though it is a cage

♪ It's great to live and laugh
and love life as a pet

♪ -Life as a pet
-Life as a pet

♪ Now, you might lose
your freedom
but look what you will get

♪ Fancy collars, fancy house

♪ And every day
fat little mouse

♪ It's great to live and laugh
and love life as a pet

♪ -Life as a pet
-Life as a pet

♪ -Life as a pet
-Life as a pet

♪ When you're petrified
warm, fuzzy hugs

♪ Are what you're gonna get

♪ No more slimy things
to catch ♪

Will I get my belly scratched?

-Every day, baby.
-That sounds nice.

♪ It's great to live and laugh
and love life as a pet

♪ No gettin' squished

♪ On a bumpy road

♪ -All the flies you wish
-Sounds good.

♪ But what's in it for a toad

♪ No more bein'a vagabond
You gotta think outside
the pond

♪ It's great to live and laugh
and love life as a pet

♪ -Life as a pet
-Life as a pet

♪ -Life as a pet
-Life as a pet

♪ When you're petrified
warm, fuzzy hugs

♪ Are what you're gonna get

♪ I see a lily pad etched
in gold

♪ -Man, you got me
-Now I'm sold

♪ It's great to live and laugh
and love life as a pet ♪

Hey, rabbit!
Where do we sign up?

♪ It's great to live and laugh
and love life as a pet

♪ -Life as a pet
-Even me!

♪ Life as a pet

♪ Life as a pet ♪

-Where youse going?
-Back in the tank.

I thought we was
going to escape.

You heard the singing animals.
Being a pet is
everything I want in life:

safety, security
and generous health benefits.

But what about the swamp?
Frogs belong in the swamp.

I'm a toad.

Hey, I know!
You could come with me.

We could be pets together.
It'll be swell.

If you say so, but I'm not so
sure about this.

So are we there yet?

Are you sure we're not lost?

Ah,
no, we're not lost, fellas.

This is it.

I tell you, that red truck
is as good as got.

There it is!

I got it, I got it! I got it!

Here, let me give you a hand.

-Hey, what happened?
-Oh, I lost the red truck.

-Where's Kermit?
-Right behind me.

Red truck!

Red truck! All right.

Believe me when I tell you
this was a vicious mongrel.

Rabid, covered with fleas.

A horrible,
bloodthirsty stray.

With really cute, floppy ears.
Tell him about the ears.

-Will you please shut up?
-Sorry.

I thought that
was a very important
point of identification.

They weren't floppy.
They were rigid
in attack mode.

This was a dangerous animal.

That's the dog! Get him!

See?
Floppy ears, just like I said.

-Get him now!
-Run, doggie!

Come on, guys. Hop on.

-All right.
-Let's hide in there.

What is this place, huh?

It's a movie theater.

They show moving
pictures up there.

Now, this stuff is good,

even though it
sticks to my teeth.

You don't have teeth.

Oh, yeah.

Let me try some of that.

Help yourself.

Kermit, you want some of this?

...suddenly snatched a dagger
from the table,

and k*lled him.

Get the girl!
(SCREAMING)

I guess that dog catcher's
gonna be gone by now.

-Capture him!
-All right, Kerm, let's go.

I wanna do that.

Hit each other with sticks?
I've done that.
It ain't great.

No, I mean
I wanna be in the movies.

You'd never make it.

What do you mean?

Well, look at them.

They're foot tall and flat.

The movies is no place
for a frog.
Now, come on.

Hey, Statler, I'm sure glad
the frog put us in his movie.

Why? So people can see
how young we look?

No,
so we don't have to watch it.
(LAUGHING)

Boy, it's late.

I didn't realize
we were in there so long.

I'm afraid this is gonna make
it even more difficult to
find that red truck.

Yeah,
but let's not give up now.
We can do it, you know.

Nothing can stand in our way.

That's it.
I can't even walk straight.

We're never
gonna find Goggles.

Yes, we are.

-What is he talking about?
-Who knows?

I'm gonna go up really,
really high
and look for the red truck.

That's crazy.

I should've thought of that.

I've never been up
this high before.

I feel like
a bird or a cloud,

or a star.

So this is what it's like
to see the whole world.

Wow!

I wish I could just
stay up here
forever and just sail along,

until I reach the,
the red truck!

I'm coming for you, Goggles!

Oh, no.

Oh, no!
I'm coming for you right now!

Don't worry, Goggles!
I'll get you out of there!

You're not Goggles.

Goggles!

-Wilson's Pet Shop.
-It's Krassman.

Hey, Mr. Krassman!
Pardon me.
Dr. Mr. Krassman.

How are things
at George Washington?

Cut the small talk.
I need frogs, lots of frogs.

-You got frogs. I want frogs.
-Okay,
let me get this straight.

-You want frogs.
-Yes!

-How many do you have?
-Let me check.

Let me see.
One, two, three,

Oh, no! Somebody wants a pet,
and he's choosing those frogs.

I guess nobody's ever
gonna want a pet toad.

Thought I forgot
about you two, huh?

Everyone's going
to George Washington.

-Who's George Washington?
-Probably our new owner.

Oh, boy, Blotch!
We're gonna be pets!

Well, Mr. Dr. Krassman,
I've got a dozen
frogs and one toad.

Oh, joy! Marvelous!

Bring them over tonight.
We'll be working late.

Alrighty.

Well, looks like
it's just me and you, pal.

I don't know.

I only wish you could
help me find my friends.

Oh, Kermit.

A squeaky toy?

You have a squeaky toy!

Oh, a squeaky toy.
That's a squeaky toy!

-May I?
-Sure. Be my guest.

Croaker, you gotta try this.
This squeaky toy is so good.

You're gonna love this.

-Fun, huh?
-Yeah,
boy, that's just great there.

Okay.

Kermit,
did you find that red truck?

-I found it. I even got in it.
-Oh, yeah?

But Blotch and Goggles
weren't there.

I'm starting to think
you're right. I don't think
we'll ever find them.

Yeah, but...

(MUFFLING WORDS)

Excuse me?

I think I know where they are.

-You do?
-They're at the pet store.

So long, pet store.
Hello, good life.

I can smell it now.
Flea collars, leather leashes.

To be a pet again,
taken care of by
my very own humans.

I thought she
didn't like humans.

Anyway, squeaky toys
come from the pet store,

and this
building is a pet store.

So Goggles and Blotch
must be in there.

Right.

Hey...

What is it, Pilgrim?
Did you find something?

What is she sniffing for now?
Pilgrim, what are you...

-Will you look at that?
-What?

Somebody threw away
a perfectly good
piece of rawhide.

Rawhide?

I can't believe it.

Listen.

Come on, Croaker,
let's go in and get 'em.

Yeah, sure, but how?

If we could get up
to that window up there.

-Come on, that's way too high.
-Not for the best hopper
I know.

Oh, yeah? Who's,

No, I don't think so.
Remember, I lost my hop.

Come on, Croaker, you're still
the best hopper
in the whole swamp.

Sure, in the swamp maybe,
but here, no.

Swamp, here,
what's the difference?

This. See? Right here.

Look, that's exactly
why you can do it.

-The tire tracks?
-No, what's inside.

That's what makes you
a great hopper.

-You really think so?
-I know so.

All right.

I'll give it a shot.

-I'll try it.
-Oh, goody!

I'll go back here.

You can do it.

Need to get my bearings here.

I believe in you.

You did it, Croaker!

I still got it, baby.

Okay,
Pilgrim, give me a boost.

Hey, Croaker,
how'd you get up there?

I got my hop back.

-Okay, get on.
-Here, Kerm,
give me your hand.

-Okay,
a little higher, Pilgrim.
-All right.

Kerm, easy.

Now pull.

-Easy.
-I got you.

I'll guard the alley.

We did it. We're in.

-Are you okay?
-Yeah. You?

I think so.

Goggles!

Blotch!

Goggles?

Come on out, you guys.

Did you hear a sound?

Yeah, yeah, I think I did.

Are you two ugly frogs
looking for other ugly frogs?

Yeah, we're
looking for a little toad
and a great big bullfrog.

Yes, I know these two.

I was very close with
these two.

Wait a second. Was very close?

What have you done
with our friends?

Vicki has done nothing.

All frogs were taken
to George Washington.

Oh, yeah? Well, who's he?

That I do not know.
But this I do know.

Once you go to
George Washington,

you never come back.

But, hey, wait.

Well, I don't believe it,
Croaker.

They're gone,

forever.

Kerm? Wait a second.
What are we gonna do?

We go home.

Wait a second. Home?

Look, we don't belong here.
This place is too big for us.

We should have never
left the swamp.

Wait a second. Listen.

I'm just,

I'm just
thinking out loud here,
but,

maybe we oughta
take a deep breath
and sleep on it tonight, huh?

Who could sleep at
a time like this?

Yeah, that's true.

I'm wide awake, sitting
on this little,
cushy kitty bed,

with a nice pillow and the,

Oh, yes. Thank goodness!

I was so worried we wouldn't
get any frogs this year.

-You don't have
to worry anymore.
-True.

It's the frogs' turn to worry.

-Frogs don't worry.
-Good night, Wilson.

Frogs are peaceable creatures.

When I was a young'un,
I pretended I was a frog.

-I never worried at all.
-Good night, Wilson!

Good night there,
Dr. Mr. Krassman.

Do you smell that, Mary?

Pond scum?

Victory!

The frogs,

are mine!

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

-Yes!
-Who's that?

That must be our new owner,
George Washington.

He seems so happy.
He has such a melodious laugh.

My star.

VOICE: Kermit.

-Is that you, Mom?
-No, Kermit.

It's me,
your star from the swamp.

Well, wow.

Tell me,
star, what should I do?

Do what's in your heart.

But I'm so small,
and this place is so big.

I'll never find
Goggles and Blotch.

I know you will, Kermit.

I believe in you.

You do?

Well, thanks, star.

Anytime, Herman.

That's Kermit.

-(CHUCKLES) Kermit.
-Kermit, yeah. Kermit.

-Kermit?
-Huh?

Who are you talkin' to, Kerm?

I was just talking to my star.

You were talking to your star?

-You mean the voices?
-Yeah.

And?

And we're not giving up.

KERMIT AND CROAKER:
Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.

(RIBBIT SOUNDS)

-Ribbit.
-Ribbit!

I must be hearing things.

Could have sworn I delivered
all the frogs last night.

Ribbit.

Hey, what are we
doing here anyway?

We're volunteering
to go to George Washington.

You heard the snake. When you
go to George Washington,
you never come back.

Well, don't worry, Croaker.

I'm not worried. I'm psyched.

-Ribbit.
-Ribbit.

-Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.
-Ribbit.

(RIBBIT SOUNDS)

There you are.

Okay, I got this part of the
plan, but how do we get
out of this box?

There's nothing in here
but you and me and
a bunch of sticks.

You'll see.

Oh, I love it when
I don't know what's going on.

Froggies?

-Let's find
Goggles and Blotch.
-Yeah, but look at this place.

That George Washington
sure has a big house, huh?

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

What was that?

Lots of kids too.

How'd you find us?

You know what?
All those years of car chasing
finally paid off.

Yeah.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Books?

Sloppy joes?

Pimple cream?
Wait.

What are we doing at
a high school?

What's the matter, Pilgrim?

There's only one thing
that frogs do at
a high school,

they croak!

What are you talking about?
We frogs croak all the time.

I mean "croak" croak.

Forever croak?
Your friends are in trouble!

-We gotta help them.
-Yeah.

Lousy form, but he sure
nailed that landing.

It's me!

-That was close.
-Thanks, Pilgrim. Come on.

What now, fellows?

We just gotta find
Blotch and Goggles.

Got you!

Get the collar on you,
and take your friend here
to biology class.

Biology class?

Very good specimen indeed.

I was against a toad at first,
but I think he'll make
a nice addition.

Very nice indeed.

He likes me.
I bet I'll get my own room!

Well, class, today is one of
my favorite days
of the school year.

Today we'll find out what
makes those amphibious
creatures over there tick.

You know how
we're going to do it?

By taking them apart.

Gross!

-What's that mean?
-Maybe he's
taking us to a party.

-I love parties!
-Yes, class,

it's time to dissect a frog.

CLASS: Ew, gross!

What's "dissect" mean?

I don't know,
but I bet it's delicious!

To begin, I shall have
my teaching assistant, Mary,

explain
the dissection procedure.

Mary. Mary!

Oh, sorry, sir.

Dissection, would you kindly
explain the procedure?

Right, sir. Okay.

Here.

The initial incision begins
right here at the neck.

Then you drag your scalpel
down through the sternum,

and across here at an angle,

right past
you see the stomach.

Oh, I get it.

Dissection must be some kind
of full-body massage.

No, it's not a massage.

It's a full-body
m*ssacre-ization!

You see
the stomach cavity there,

ignorant of the fact that
it's just had its last meal,

They're gonna cut us apart!

What? But we're his pets!
He can't do that.

That was not in the brochure.
Oh, this is bad.

I'm late for Krassman's class.

Biology, your favorite.

Yeah, right.

And then
the dissection is complete,

and you dispose of
the little body,

once and for all
tramping out,

-its dreams of ever having
a full and happy froggy life.
-Mary!

Yes, sir?

That will be all.

Now, let's try the real thing.

I shall select a specimen
and do the first
dissection myself.

Then each of you will
get to dissect your own frog.

If you spare me,
I'll be a good toad,

and never use my poison gland
in an unkind manner
ever again.

Amen!

-What are you doing?
-Helping a friend.

Mary, could you help me here?

Oh, bother.

Wilson!

What are you doing with that
mad dog in here?
Get that beast away from me!

-I got you another frog.
-Mary, go get the frog.

I'll take this one.

Out, Wilson!
Get that dog out of here now!

-Come on, girl.
-Put it in the tank.

Wait a minute.
I've got a better idea.
I'm getting rid of this one.

Come, my little buddy.

This may hurt you
more than it hurts me.

Oh, this is bad.

Any last words, frog?

Ah, Miss Segland.

I'd like to thank you
for finally joining us.

-Would you see me
after class, please?
-Yes, sir.

To show you how
easy this is,

I believe I'll have Mary
do the dissection.

-Sir?
-Do the dissection.

-Sir...
-What now?

I can't do it.

But I thought you wanted to be
a real scientist.

I'm sorry, sir. I won't do it.

I just won't do it!

There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.

If she only had a brain.

-Calm down.
-Calm down.
Good girl. It's okay.

-Hey,
you're good with animals.
-Thanks.

-I wonder why she's riled up.
-Maybe those
frogs are her friends.

Well, I guess
I'll have to do this myself.

First, you'll take the scalpel
in your hand,

and hold it firmly,

Kermit's trying
to save Croaker.
He needs our help!

between your thumb
and index finger.

And then, beginning just
below the neck,

you will make an incision
approximately
three inches in length.

-I'll handle this.
Give me a lift.
-Okay.

I'm not meant
for heavy lifting.

There's nothing like
a good dissection.

Don't be scared.
This is going to be fun.

I guess it doesn't matter
which frog I dissect.

What do you think this is,
the movies?

You little rapscallion!

You can't outsmart me.
I'm a ninth-grade science
teacher, for heaven's sake.

My little green buddy, I think
it's time for your
biology lesson.

Stop!

What did you say?

I said, "Stop."

You spoke.

That's right.
I can talk. We all can.

I don't believe it.

Everyone says we shouldn't
talk to humans,

but I think the problem is
that we haven't talked,

or listened to each other.

So you might not
even listen now,
but,

these are all my friends,
and I'm gonna ask you,
please,

let the frogs go!

Let the frogs go!
Let the frogs go!

Let the frogs go!
Let the frogs go!

-What's going on?
-Let's let her in. Hurry.

Let the frogs go!

Let the frogs go!

Let the frogs go!
Let the frogs go!

Let the frogs go!

Stop!

It's true!

Frogs can talk!

When I was a boy
in biology class,

I had to
dissect my first frog.

-Stop!
-What did you say?

-I said, "Stop."
-You spoke?

Hugo Krassman,
dissect your frog.

But I can't.
It spoke to me.

Froggy pants! Froggy pants!

It's true!
Tell them what you told me.

Speak to me!
I'm not a froggy pants!

-Please!
-Krassman is a froggy pants.

You see, for years I had to
prove to them that I wasn't
a froggy pants.

But I'm not.
I'm not a froggy pants.

Frogs do talk.

Just talk to me.
Just say something, anything!

You are
a certifiable nut-ball.

Thank you!

All right, back it up.

I understand.

They talked to me!

Class dismissed.

I'm not a froggy pants!

Come here, friend.

It was only two days since
we'd left the swamp and first
traveled this road,

but it seemed like a lifetime.

♪ Are youse tough or a hero
Gotta know which

♪ When you feel the need,
gotta scratch the itch

♪ But nothing comes off
without a hitch

♪ No way

♪ You gotta follow

♪ Follow your star

♪ Yeah, you follow

♪ No matter how far

♪ And now we know
wherever we roam

♪ We'll never find a place
like home ♪

I sure wish I had a home.

-Thanks for the ride.
-We appreciate it.

-Thanks, Mr. Wilson.
-Hey, Pilgrim.

How'd you like to be my dog?

Kermit! Hey, Kermit!
I've got an owner again.
I'm going home.

We all are, Pilgrim.
Come on, guys.

-Okay, bye!
-Bye!

Oh, boy, that was so exciting!

This is the way.

Boy, I tell you, I can't wait
to get back to the swamp.

Oh, to once again bathe
in the stagnant ooze.

Yeah, but,

you know, guys, I kinda liked
all the craziness out here,
you know?

I mean, it was scary, but,

-I think I'll miss it.
-Who knows, Kermit?

Maybe you'll
come back here again someday.

-Yeah?
-Hey, stranger
things have happened.

Yeah, and that was just today.
(LAUGHING)

Come on, guys,
let's go home.

One thing didn't change:

Goggles and Croaker and Blotch
and Pilgrim and I are
still buddies.

You know, I've made a lot
of great friends in my life,

but there's something special
about the friends from
back home.

Yep. You know, the ones you
knew when you were
just a young frog,

just reaching for your star.

FROG:
Hey, welcome home, Kermit.

Oh! See ya.

-CROAKER: Hey!
-GOGGLES: Welcome home!

Now, where are those
pu-pu platters at?

Another beautiful
day in the swamp.

CREW: Oh, that's gotta hurt.

CREW: Oh, that's busted.

CREW : Oh, for God's sakes.
How did we do that?

-CREW : I don't know.
-CROAKER: How'd I get in here?

You're my best friend.

I'm break dancing!

♪ Everybody dance now ♪

They said without Blotch.
Now, knock it off.

-Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
-Knock it off.

Don't touch me!

-Oh, my knee.
-Oh, my bad knee!

Mr. Director, sir, I don't
feel I should go back into
Kermit's mouth again.

Last time I was in there,
it was just a bit stinky.

Can't we use CG in this scene?

Where the heck are we?

You got us lost,
you loser!

Whoa!
Look out for the power lines!

Why did I ever agree to do
my own stunts?

It's all right.
We'll do another take.

Can I have the nurse, please?

Okay, okay, you broke me.
I'm lying!

I'm a bad, bad toad.
I need a spanking. Spank me!

This kid should have had a
nice Italian cuff put on
these trousers.

Wait a minute.
Every scene's a nude scene!

-You know that cat bed?
-Yeah.

-That's a cat litter box.
-Oh, for God's sakes.

How was that?

Thank you, everyone,
thank you.

Thank you, yes, yes.
I'm incredible. Thank you.

Great tunes from W.A.R.T.

All swamp, all the time.