03x07 - Check Your Mate

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Saved by the Bell". Aired: August 20, 1989 to May 22, 1993.
Series follows a group of high school friends and their principal at the fictional Bayside High School in LA.
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03x07 - Check Your Mate

Post by bunniefuu »

(bell rings)

When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning

I don't think I'll ever
make it on time

By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look

I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by

It's all right

'Cause I'm saved by the bell

If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess

And my dog ate
all my homework last night

Ridin' low in my chair,
she won't know that I'm there

If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right

It's all right

'Cause I'm saved by the bell...

It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the--

It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the--

It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell

Hey, and it's a touchdown.

It's checkmate.
They're playing chess, not football.

Yeah, right.

Arnold Dilton of St. Murray's
has just crushed

Bayside's own Franklin Finkley.

(crowd cheers)

That sure was an exciting match,
wasn't it, Zack?

There's nothing more thrilling
than geek-to-geek combat.

Okay, this is the moment
you've all been waiting for.

Playing for St. Murray's,
it's Steven Bijou;

And Bayside's champion,
our very own Screech Powers.

(crowd chanting)
Screech, Screech...[/i]

Oh, Samuel, I'm so excited.

Not everyone gets to be
the girlfriend of a chess jock.

May the best brain win.

Go ahead, hunk of mine,
annihilate the dork.

(snorting laughter)
I mean--

you forgot your lucky beret.

How could I forget?
I haven't lost since you gave it to me.


Now show me that k*ller look.

Pawn, rook, bishop, knight,
let's go Bayside, fight, fight, fight.

Pawn, bishop, rook, queen,
Bayside is the winning team.

Okay, chess freaks, another
thrilling match is about to begin.

Jessie: Screech starts off with
a traditional Latvian King's Pawn Gamit.

- Go, Screech, flatten his king.
- Shh-hh!

Quiet down, concentrate.

Come on, Screech,
think checkmate.


And the game is over.
Screech wins the semi-finals

and goes on to the championship
against Valley.

Will you autograph my program?

If you b*at Valley next week,
you'll be famous.


With the right promotion
he could be famous

and I could be rich.

Okay, gather round,
gather round.

How many of you know this face?

You may think this is regular
old scrawny Screech--

- No-oo!
- --but you're wrong.

It's Bayside's chess hero.

- I say machoism is d*ad.
- Right, Preppie.

Big burly biceps like these
are yesterday's news.

Little bony arms like these
are what's happening today.

Yes, today's man
has mental muscles.

So get your very own
Screech T-shirts.

And what a bargain,
only $ apiece.

I'll buy a dozen.

I can't help myself,
I'm a fool in love.

- Here you go.
- Screech T-shirt.

Hey, Slater, look what
just crawled out of the sewer.

- Vinnie and Guy-Guy.
- Screech: The Master cousins.

Holy potatoes!

We didn't crawl out of no sewer.

Yeah, we hitched a ride
on a garbage truck.

What do you two losers want?

We came to discuss a little wager
on the chess finals.

We'll put our money
on Screech any day.

- Yeah.
- You're gonna win, right?

O ye of little faith.

No problem, I b*at Spencer
every time we play.

- Zack: All right.
- Slater: Okay,

but if we're gonna bet,
let's make it interesting.

- How about bucks?
- Vinnie: You're on.

And guess what?
Spencer transferred.

Meet Peter Breznev,

Valley's new Russian
exchange student.

And not only is he Russian,

he's from the Soviet Union.

I have your queen
and you're in check

with an Arabian Knight Trap,
what do you do?

Ha! Is simple,
I use the Spassky Bishop Block.

The Spassky Bishop Block!
How'd you know about that?

Spassky is my uncle, although
Aunt Sophia has thicker mustache.

Oh my goodness.

Hey, Screech.
Screech, what's wrong?

What's wrong?
Spassky practically invented chess.

I don't stand a chance.

I may as well quit now.

Sammy, you haven't come
this far to quit now.

Screech, don't listen
to those guys, they're all talk.

I know, but they're
saying the right words.

Screech, you're undefeated,

you're Bayside's champion,
you're the best checkers player around.

- Chess.
- Whatever. You're good.

Besides that, you've got something
he doesn't have, your lucky beret.

Hey, that's right.

I do, don't I?

You will win, you will win,
you will win, you will win!


All right,
Mr. Fancy-Pants Russian,

I'll meet you at the chessboard.

- All right.
- Way to go, Screech.

And as for you two

let's double--
nay, triple that bet.


... ... ... and .

All right, enough of these
brain aerobics.

Let's continue on
with our finger flexes.

Oh, no more, no more, Coach,
you're pushing us too hard.

Suck it up, Finkley.
Remember, no pain, no gain.

And a one and two
and squeeze, squeeze.

One and two
and squeeze, squeeze.

Not so hard there, Powers.

Save yourself for Valley.

You're right, I wouldn't want
to get chess finger before the big game.

All right now, everybody,
let's pair off for scrimmaging.

Finkley, you play Powers.

Oh no, don't make me,
he's ruthless, I'll do anything.

Don't worry, Finkley,
I'll go easy on you.

Okay, smile for the camera.


- Here you go.
- What are you doing?

- Exploiting you.
- Yep.

I'll get the next customer.

Whoa, baby, did you come
to have your picture taken?

Or to go live on
a deserted island with me?

That's a cute little fantasy.

Can you tell me
where Samuel Powers is?

- Checkmate.
- Never mind, I found him.

Are you Samuel Powers?

That's what my mom
writes inside my underwear.

She wants Screech?

I'm Allison Fox
from "Chessboy Magazine,"

and I'd really like
to check out your moves.

- You know what I mean?
- Not exactly.

Wow, I still can't believe
that "Chessboy Magazine--"

- --But why me?
- That's what I want to know.

All their scouting reports
say you're a great chess player.

But none of them said
you were this handsome.

I am considered the Kevin Costner
of the chess circuit.

Oh, come on,
I just don't get it.

There are mysteries
you just can't explain.

Like, why does
Sinéad O'Connor have a hairdryer?

- Be careful, that's school property.
- What's the matter with him?

Some babe
dogged him for Screech.

Wow, that's an awfully messy locker

for someone with a mind
as neat as yours.

That's because I'm a slob.

Not only are you
brilliant and handsome

but you have
a sense of humor too.

Oh my--

Why don't you let me
take you out to lunch?

- We can do the interview there.
- I'll meet you at The Max at noon?

I'll be looking forward to it.

Does Violet know about this?

She will soon enough.

(bell rings)

See you later.

(squeaky voice)
Hi, Vinnie? Like, it's me, Allison.

Is Guy-Guy there?

Hi, sweet lips.

Like, the dweeb
totally fell for it.

So, like, I'll break up
him and his girlfriend,

and he'll be way too
bugged out to play chess.

I'll see ya at the Galleria.


I think of chess
as the great equalizer.

No matter how big
or small you are,

we're all the same size
on the chessboard.

You are so deep.

- Samuel.
- Oh, hi, Violet.

Violet: Ahem!

Aren't you going to introduce me
to your lady friend?

Sure... Allison,
meet my significant other, Violet.

How sweet.

Allison is from
"Chessboy Magazine."

They want to do
an article on me.

How wonderful.
It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's not just an article, Screech,
we want you to be our centerfold.

You mean me?
Checkmate of the Month?

Kelly: I don't care
what magazine she's from,

she's flirting with Screech,
and right in front of Violet.

What our readers
want to know is,

what makes Screech Powers
a winner?

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time
somebody asked me that...

There is one thing,
I could never win without--

Oh, Samuel, you're so sweet.

- --My lucky beret.
- A hat?

We'd never win a game
without this.

Awesome, totally--
I mean, fascinating.

May I?

I never wore the hat
of a genius before.

No, see, I gave that to Samuel
and he'd never--

- Sure.
- -- let anyone else...

Screech, we're having a pool party
at the Chessboy mansion on Saturday

and I'd like you to come
as my personal guest.

Ha, Samuel can't, we have plans.

Violet, did you hear that?

I get to swim
in the pawn-shaped pool.

I'll need a new bathing suit,
a new towel...

Gosh, I better pump some iron.

- Poor Violet.
- Let's go see if she's okay.

I'm almost done,
I'll catch up to you guys. Bye.


Thanks for the interview, Screech.
I must get back to Valley--

I mean, the Valley,
to my office.

Sure, see you at poolside.

Wait a minute,
isn't that Screech's beret?


I must have forgotten.

Hey, Screech,
be more careful with this.

I got bucks riding on you
and your magic hat.

- Right.
- Yeah.

I better go hide this in my locker.

It's got a false bottom.

Allison, I've decided
to give you a second chance.

- I'm free tonight.
- I could see why.

Was that a yes or a no?

Oh, look at her.
She must be so depressed.

We're gonna need
an extra box of tissues for this one.

It's hard to believe anybody could be this
sad over losing Screech.

I am not sad, I'm furious.

Mother warned me
not to go out with him.

"He'll break your heart,"
she said.

- But did I listen? No.
- Violet, calm down.

I most certainly will not.

I have given him
the best semester of my life.

Violet, relax.

And when I think
of how he treated me--

Allison this and Allison that.

It's not Screech's fault,
not completely. It's that reporter.

Jessie's right, all Screech
cared about was the article.

- That girl was coming on to him.
- And the doofus didn't realize it.

You mean Sammy's not
interested in her?

Oh golly goose.

I've been such a fool.

Why don't you go find him
and make up?

Oh, I will.
It's so hard not to get jealous

when you're dating
such a high-risk hunk.

Samuel! I've been
looking all over for you.

- Violet, I'm glad to see you.
- You are?

I'm not too sure about
this pool party with Allison.

Oh-hh really?

I'm still available.

I'm still going to the party,
I just can't decide if I should wear

these, these or...



Are you sure these'll
look good on me?


I'd wear the blue ones
'cause they match your eyes.

- Thanks.
- No problem.


Hey, check out what I'm wearing
to the Chessboy pool party.

- There is no party, Screech.
- No Checkmate of the Month either.

- What are you talking about?
- You've been rooked, look at this.

"We got the beret,
so pay up today."

And Allison's not a reporter.

- She's a spy from Valley.
- Why is she with Guy-Guy Master?

- Because she's his girlfriend.
- His girlfriend?

Look at that,
she's got the same hat I do.

It is your hat, Screech.

It can't be, mine's in my locker.
Come here.


It's in here somewhere.

Hold that.

It's gone!

She stole my beret.

Now I'll never win.


He looks so sad.

I just want to go over there
and give him a big hug.

Yeah, the poor geek
lost his favorite accessory.

- I'd be crushed.
- We should tell him the truth.

We shouldn't try and fool him
with a phony beret.

Just trust us.

Trust you and Zack?
Those words don't go together.

It's the only way
to boost his confidence again.

- Yeah. I'll see you guys later.
- Bye, guys. Take care.


- Both: Hey, Screech.
- How's it going?

We were over at Valley yesterday
and we found something interesting.

We thought you might know
who it belonged to.

It's my beret.

My beret!

- Go win that chess tournament.
- Go get 'em, Screech.

No problem.
You guys are the greatest.

I have to go tell Violet.

You feel like making
some money, Slater?

- Indubitably.
- Let's do it.

All right, get your
Screech berets right here!

- Get your lucky Screech beret.
- Screech berets.

Violet, you'll never believe it.

I have to tell you about Allison.

No, I have to tell you about Allison.
If that is the kind of trollop you want,

fine, but as far as I'm concerned,
you are a bum.

- Violet, what's the matter?
- (Violet scoffs)

Like you don't know,
Mr. Checkmate of the Month.

And where'd you get
the stupid hat?

You gave it to me, remember?

No, Samuel, the one I gave you
had my initials on it.

This cheap imitation says,

- "Property of French's Pizza"?
- Are you sure?

About as sure as I am
that we are through.

Hey, my little gold mine,
how is it going?

Hey, you must be mighty happy
to have your hat back.

Forget it, guys,
I know it's a fake.

Face it, you bet on a loser.

Poor little fella.

First he loses his lucky beret
and then he loses his girl.

Oh, come on.
What are you guys worried about?

- Screech is still gonna win.
- How can you be so sure?

We know something
you don't know.

Hi, Screech.
We came to wish you luck.

- Even brought my lucky pom-poms.
- Luck? Ha, I don't need luck.

- All right.
- That's the spirit, son.

I need a miracle.

Help him, I don't know.

Morris, let us dispense
with the formalities.

- Pay up now.
- Like that dog's never gonna win.

Well like, we'll just have
to wait and see, o-kay?


Hey, Peter, where you going?

I go to humiliate your friend

Hey, Pete, that's great, but first you
have to get a pre-game photo taken.

- Oh yes?
- Oh yes.

It's an American custom,
that way if you lose,

they still have a picture
of you smiling.

Come on.

- It's right this way, Peter.
- Hurry, there isn't much time.

Yep, that's why
we're "Russian" you.

Good one, Preppie.

Slater: Go ahead.

(clattering and ruckus)

Okay, Preppie,
the coast is clear.

- Thank you, comrade.
- No problemovich.

- Come, let's goski.
- Okayski.

What are you doing here?
Where's Zack?

He asked me to fill in. He said
he wasn't feeling like himself.

(crowd applauding)

Jessie: Peter Breznev,
Valley's champ has just arrived.

Slater, who do you think
will come out on top today?

Call it a hunch,
but I think Screech

is gonna kick
that commie's butt.

Slater, we're on the air.
In this age of glasnost

you don't say,
"Kick the commie's butt."

Oh, sorry.

What I meant was,
kick that commie's heinie.

Welcome to the All-City Chess finals.

In a way it's more than all-city,
it's all-world.

And today it's important
to remember

that the Russkis
are our friendskis.

Good luck, son.
Perestroika, son.

Stop your crying,
stop your fussing.

Come on, Screech,
b*at that Russian.

And they're off.
The Soviet gets the first move.

Pawn to King's Rook Two?
That's pretty unorthodox style.

What style?
He's never played before.

I mean, he's never played
an American before.

I've never seen that strategy
in any of the chess books.

Boy, you're good.

- b*at me.
- Huh?

- Just win the game.
- Jaws windy game?

What's that mean?

I surrender Screechnavich.
You're too good.

(Valley crowd groans)

Hey, hey, hey...
what is going on here?

Incredible, first the Russian was
winning, then the Russian was losing,

now the Russian's hopping
on stage in his underwear?

Quite a game, huh?

Like, wow, that's not Peter,
that's a faker.

Well, let's find out
who the faker is.

- Screech: Zack?
- Ow! Ow!

Morris, you better have an amazing
explanation for this one.

I do, sir, we made this
teeny tiny little bet with Valley--

Right, sir, but you see
they stole Screech's lucky hat

- so he would lose.
- That's right, we did it for Bayside.

Hats, kidnapping, gambling?

That's it, both schools are disqualified
for unsportsmanlike--

(boys protesting)

You can't do that, these guys
were innocent pawns.

Honest, Screech and the commie
didn't know anything about this.

- They didn't?
- No.

- I don't know.
- All right, if we called off the bet,

- would you let them play?
- (Peter whimpers)

All right, but only if
you call off the bet.

- All right.
- Fine.

Guys, the bet's off, all right?

- Is everybody happy?
- (screams)

Why not?
What more do you want?

It is cold,
I want my pants back.

Wait a minute, the bet's off?

Then you're broke,
I'm outta here.

(crowd cheering)

Hey, hey, hey...

I still want to see you and Slater
in my office tomorrow morning.

(Slater groans)

Forget it, guys.

Without my lucky beret,
I have nothing left.

- You have me, Samuel.
- Violet!

I thought you hated me.

That was before I realized you were
manipulated by powerful forces

and you couldn't help yourself.

- I love you, Sammy.
- I love you too, Violet.

Now, let's play some chess.


Okay, so I didn't win the bet,

but I've got the new cereal
of the champs, "Screechios."

(instrumental theme music plays)
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