02x15 - Home

Episode transcripts for the TV show "PEN15". Aired: February 8, 2019 –; December 3, 2021
Comedy series that depicts middle school as it really is.
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02x15 - Home

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[MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY
ON RADIO]

[LOW TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

ANNA: Oh, is... is your mom not home?

DERRICK: Nah, she's never home.

You guys wanna go in first?

- Cool.
- [CHUCKLES]

[DOOR SQUEAKS]

[CHILL ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
Is it okay to just...

[SOFT PIANO MUSIC]

Put Daddy...

[WHISPERING] I'm gonna
take my jacket off.

- MAYA: What?
- I'm gonna take my jacket off.

Okay.

- [SNIFFS]
- So what should we do?

Whatever.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Do you have any snacks, babe?

DERRICK: Yeah, they're in
the freezer over there.

Over...

DERRICK: Over there. Through the door.

- Look here, um...
- STEVE: What chord was that?

- DERRICK: Which one?
- STEVE: See you.

ANNA: [GIGGLING] Just kidding.

JK.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- Oh, my God.
- ANNA: Totally.

Oh, my God. Is this what I look like?

You look amazing.

I am so hungry, though. Like...

Oh, my God.

ANNA: Wait, look at this freezer.

- MAYA: Oh, my God!
- ANNA: Oh, my God!

I'm so...

ANNA: Wait, are those marshmallows?

- MAYA: Okay.
- ANNA: Here.

MAYA: Oh, my God.

ANNA: [LAUGHS] I'm so hungry.

[GIGGLES]

ANNA: You don't want to go home, right?

Like, you're not worried at all?

Mm-mm. I'm not worried.

Unless you want to...

Do you want to go home
or do you want to stay?

I want to hang out with our boyfriends.

- Okay, yeah.
- I don't want to go home.

You're, like, gonna get your first kiss.

No, I'm not, stop.

Oh, stop!

I don't know. [CHUCKLES]

Is my breath okay? [EXHALES]

No, it smells amazing. How's mine?

[EXHALES]

[CHOKES]

- I'm sorry, it's not good.
- Oh, Maya.

- MAYA: Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
- No.

- [LIVELY MUSIC]
- KEYBOARD: Here we go.

STEVE: This song's awesome, man.

DERRICK: Heck yeah.

VOICE ON KEYBOARD: Let me do it.

Cool. Cool. Cool.

[OVERLAPPING VOICES]

- Don't touch my butt.
- I didn't.

Wait, would you play that chord again?

STEVE: This one right here?

Yeah.

VOICE ON KEYBOARD:
Very good. Cool. Cool.

[VOCALIZES TO MUSIC]

Could you cut out the drumming?

We're trying to h*t this.
You're throwing me off.

I think that your drumming sounds good.

DERRICK: Yeah, it's just not
matchin' up with our rhythm.

Steve, her dad's a professional drummer.

- So...
- Oh, stop.

He is, though. You shouldn't be humble.

- I'm not.
- KEYBOARD: Excellent! Get up.

ANNA: Okay, I'm sorry.

VOICE ON KEYBOARD: Get up, get up, go!

[GIGGLES]

VOICE ON KEYBOARD: One, two, three.

Cool, cool, cool.

Excellent! Cool.

- [GIGGLES]
- Sorry.

- Are you being bad?
- STEVE: Sorry.

You want to check out my watch?

Yeah.

- ANNA: Ooh!
- MAYA: Stop.

You look good. Sorry.

ANNA: I'm cold.

Thanks, Steve.

- Yeah.
- What kind is it?

- Eh, some kind of army.
- It's got the army paint on it.

ANNA: What are you doing?

STEVE: I'm just... 'cause I'm cold.

We're both cold. [ANNA LAUGHS]

ANNA: Okay.

[CHUCKLES]

You want to go to my room?

Okay.

[SOFT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Sorry, can we just do over the shirt?

- STEVE: Huh?
- Can we just do over it?

Do you like it without my braces?

I like it. Less cuts.

Who's that?

DERRICK: That's Gillian Anderson.

No, below that.

- DERRICK: Oh.
- MAYA: Is that, like,

your ex-girlfriend or whatever?

- I'm not mad.
- DERRICK: No, no.

That's my friend.

I don't think about her.

Did you bring your meds?

Um, no, they don't really work for me.

Sorry. Is that okay?

I guess.

Is this your first time?

Yeah. Is it yours?

No. I've done it a lot.

- Like, a couple times.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

You mean, a BJ right?

You've had your first kiss before.

Y... uh. Yeah, obviously.

Like, I've had a bunch of first kisses.

Cool.

I'm ready.

- Oh, sorry.
- That's all right.

Let me just... Keep going.

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Come on.

ANNA: No.

You think Maya's a good drummer, right?

I mean, I guess.

Well, You didn't have
her back back there,

and you didn't have,
like, her dad's back,

'cause you only had Derrick's back.

And it's, like, who's back do you have?

I love you.

Don't change the subject.

Say it back.

Say it.

I love you too.

MAYA: Come on, let's take it off.

- Get it...
MAYA: Ahh.

DERRICK: Actually, get this.

MAYA: Okay.

DERRICK: Do you want to... you could...

Whoa.

What's wrong with your b*lls?

What do you mean?

Why don't you have two b*lls?

What?

Oh, there are two, it's
just they're inside.

It's not like there's a...

Oh, so it's like the line is...

The line? What line?

The line... it's like it
has its own carrying case.

Yeah. I guess.

Do you want to stop talking about it?

Yeah. Sorry.

[BREATHES SHAKILY] Yeah.

- DERRICK: Okay.
- MAYA: So I'm gonna start now.

Uh...

[GRUNTING]

What's wrong?

I finished.

- I didn't cum.
- Oh.

- DERRICK: Yeah, that's not...
- Yeah?

That's an important part, right?

Okay, I'm gonna do it.

DERRICK: Okay.

MAYA: [GRUNTING]

Ah, ah! Teeth, teeth!

- Ah, sorry.
- Yeah, they're...

They're just kind of, like, dragging.

Okay.

[GRUNTING]

- Like that?
- Mm.

- Like that?
- [GRUNTING]

[DERRICK PANTING]

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

- [GRUNTING]
- Mm-hmm.

- Mm.
- [GRUNTING]

Thanks.

Do you want to kiss?

- [MUFFLED]
- I'm gonna go wash my hands.

DERRICK: Oh.

But, I'm gonna be...

[PANTING]

MAYA:
[GRIMACING]

ANNA: Maya?

STEVE: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm still... Maya?

- MAYA: Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew.
- ANNA: Are you okay?

- Are you okay?
- MAYA: Yeah.

Did you just get your first kiss?

Mine was so disgusting.

Like, I got mine with Brendan,
you know I hated it.

And now, like, Steve is, like...
We have it perfectly down.

So kissing's just like that.

Maya, are you okay?

I just gave him a blow job.

You got your kiss and
you got a blow job.

I didn't do... I just...

- Oh.
- I just, like...

Amazing.

Yeah. Is it?

ANNA: Yeah.

But, what was it like? Did you like it?

- Did he like it?
- Um, I don't know.

I, like, think he did,
'cause he just, like...

it was, like, weird,
and then he, like, came.

Oh, my God, are you serious?

Yeah.

Wow. So cool.

I know.

ANNA: And you were, like...

You were, like, "Wow,
yeah. You're amazing."

I don't think I want to do
a blow job again, though.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I probably am not gonna ever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

'Cause it was, like, gross

'cause of the, like... like, the...

- Can we just, like, go home?
ANNA: Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, we can go home.
- MAYA: Okay.

- Steve, can you drive us home?
- Shh!

Let's... let's call Shuji.

- Let's call Shuji.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- ANNA: Okay.

Okay!

Steve?

Steve! Steven?

[SIGHS]

[SOBS]

[SNIFFLES]

[SNIFFLES]

[DOOR SLAMS]

STEVE: Is everything okay?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

- MAYA: It's fine.
- ANNA: Mm-hmm.

All right.

- MAYA: That's him.
- Who's that?

It's my brother.

Hi, Shuji.

SHUJI: I don't want
to know what happened.

MAYA: Okay, I'm sorry.

SHUJI: You guys take the bike, okay?

- MAYA: Okay.
- ANNA: Thank you.

ANNA: Um, let's just... yeah.

- SHUJI: I got it.
- ANNA: Okay.

Here, I got you. I got it.

I love you.

Love you too.

- Do you have that?
- Yeah.

- Go.
- Peace.

[MELLOW MUSIC]

♪ ♪

KATHY: Just do Saturday,

then you can just come and get her.

And then she can sleep in Friday and...

no.

No!

I'll just leave her stuff
out by the front door.

Otherwise, you pick her up Saturday.

Like, let her sleep in, though.

You know, till : .

- Hi, hon.
- Hey.

KATHY: Or you pick her up from school

and then you get her
stuff, and then you go.

Um. Okay.

[LAUGHING] Whatever.

Um, how was Maya's?

You didn't sleep over?

I was just talking to your dad

about you going over
to his this weekend.

Anna's home.

Okay. He wants to talk to you.

Hey, Dad.

How's it going, goof?

You still mad at us?

Um, I just, like, have
some bad news actually,

'cause, um,

a golden retriever k*lled Daddy.

And it's my fault.

KATHY: Don't say it's your fault.

CURTIS: Sweetie, I'm sorry.

What... what happened?

Did the dog steal him?

ANNA: Um, I kind of put
it on the dog's head.

And that's why it's my fault.

- Sorry.
- CURTIS: Well.

Just, you know, maybe
don't do that again.

All right? You gotta learn from it.

But the dog was wrong, too, right?

Yeah, the dog was wrong too.

- Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES]

And also, like...

I love Steve.

- Aw.
- CURTIS: Really?

- Um, mom.
- What?

But I also don't know about him.

Well, what'd your mom say?

- ANNA: Um.
- Here.

Put her on speaker phone.

- [PHONE BEEPS]
- Kathy?

She loves him.

I didn't know. She didn't tell me.

But I don't know 'cause
he doesn't, like,

always listen to my feelings,

and I don't know about his best friend.

He just doesn't take me seriously.

Well, I don't like that.

ANNA: But I also want to marry him.

[LAUGHS]

- [CHUCKLES]
- It's not funny.

- I'm sorry.
- ANNA: Don't laugh, Dad.

I'm not laughing.

ANNA: Just fix it.

Oh, sweetie.

We can't fix everything, you know that.

But we can listen, okay?

Okay.

ANNA: Dad?

- What are you doing?
- Vacuuming.

Oh, hey, I got the plastic off the oven.

Proud of you, Dad.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[MUFFLED VOICES ON TELEVISION]

[SNIFFLES]

[SOBS]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

MAYA: [GIGGLES] Derrick!

DERRICK: Yeah, my snake's
been acting real sweet lately.

- Really?
- DERRICK: [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

- This is private.
- DERRICK: She's always taking

- her tongue out...
- Tell him.

- Tell him.
- DERRICK: And licking me.

I know she's just smelling, but...

When are you gonna tell him?

- MAYA: Um, wait.
- DERRICK: Huh?

Okay, it's been minutes
of us talking on the phone.

I feel like that's
our longest yet, babe.

DERRICK: Yeah. Oh, hold up.

I gotta grab... I gotta go grab

- the snake something...
- Oh, okay...

DERRICK: Then I gotta
tell you something.

Okay. Okay, what? He's on hold.

Okay, so you're gonna say,

"If you still want to go out with me,

I can't give you another BJ."

I want to go out with him.

I just don't want to
give him a BJ again.

And medicine 'cause my
doctor prescribed it.

- Shh!
- Anna, I already told him

that part yesterday.

- Okay!
- Okay.

Wait, nah. Open your mouth.

- What?
- MAYA: Your tooth.

What? What's wrong with my tooth?

Oh, my God!

- What happened?
- No, I just got my braces off!

It looks crazy.

- [GASPS]
- No!

MAYA: Anna.

ANNA: No, no, no.

This is why I got braces!
Are you kidding me?

I mean, honestly, I like
you better that way.

With a snaggle?

I'm gonna have to get my braces back on.

DERRICK: You still there?

Hi, yeah.

DERRICK: Turn on the radio to HOT . .

What... okay, um.

Anna. Anna!

He just said put the radio on.
Put it on... on . .

Did he get you concert tickets?

I don't know!

Did he get us concert tickets?

[MOUTHING WORDS]

- [STATIC CRACKLES]
- ANNA: Got it.

["Smooth" by Santana playing]

Okay, it's on, it's on.

I freaking love this song.

- DERRICK: You listening?
- MAYA: Yeah.

I'm listening.

DERRICK: Good.

Every time you hear this song,

think about how I'm
breaking up with you.

'Cause that's what I'm doing right now.

CARLOS SANTANA: ♪ Man it's a hot one ♪

♪ Like seven inches
from the midday sun ♪

♪ Well, I hear you whisper
and the words melt everyone ♪

♪ But you stay so cool ♪

♪ And if you said this
life ain't good enough ♪

♪ I would give my world to lift you up ♪

♪ I could change my life ♪

♪ To better suit your mood ♪

♪ ♪

♪ 'Cause you're so smooth ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And it's just like the
ocean under the moon ♪

♪ It's the same as the
emotion that I get from you ♪

♪ You the kind of loving
that can be so smooth, yeah ♪

♪ Give me your heart, make it real ♪

♪ Or else forget about it ♪

MAYA: ♪ It's just like
the ocean under the moon ♪

♪ And it's the same as the
emotion that I get from you ♪

♪ You got the kind of loving that... ♪

- What's wrong with her?
- MAYA: [MUMBLES LYRICS]

- ♪ Give me your heart... ♪
- Mai.

♪ Make it real or else forget... ♪

What's wrong with you?
They want to know.

Nothing.

It's just my high school boyfriend said,

"Every time you hear this
song, I want you to think

"about me breaking up with you

'cause that's what I'm doing right now."

So now, I keep listening to this song

over and over again

and keep thinking about
how he broke up with me.

So it's just a cycle of
listening to this song

until I can get the
him breaking up with me

out of my head, so I
just gotta keep listening

to this song till it's done.

You know what this guy sounds like?

He sounds like a straight-up...

[AS ACE VENTURA] Lo-ser.

Look at me.

[IMITATING ZANY SOUND EFFECTS]

Hello there!

It's, like, not even how you do it.

Lo... ser!

[AS ACE VENTURA] Loser!

SAM: Yeah, you're... she's
much better at it than me.

I'm not.

SAM: So this guy is your
boyfriend's best friend?

Yeah. Why?

GABE: You know the saying, right?

"You are what you eat."

And Steve is eating Derrick's
assh*le, so to speak.

So if you just... if you
draw the connection...

ANNA: So you're saying
they're both shitty?

I mean, kind of.


ANNA: Okay, genius, thank you so much.

You don't know him.

Steve isn't Derrick, like...

Well, picked real winners.

MAYA: [HUMMING TO MUSIC]

SAM: Maya. Maya!

Do you want to, like,
egg this f*ck's house

after school?

Okay.

- Yeah?
- MAYA: Yeah.

- Okay?
- ALL: Yeah.

MAYA: Let's do it. Yeah.

[IN DEEP VOICE] Yeah!

JAFEER: What's up, player?

- ANNA: So you're not coming?
- JAFEER: That was trash.

ANNA: I mean, he only did
the most jacked up thing

to my best friend.

Like, he's your friend.

And he's screwing over my friend.

STEVE: I mean, they just don't jive.

She didn't respect his music.

- I don't know.
- Oh, my God.

That is not an excuse. He's a psycho.

- It wasn't cool.
- Yeah, it wasn't.

What else do you want me to say?

Well, you're... it wasn't cool.

It was dishonorable what he did.

But it'd be dishonorable
for a best friend to...

Okay, so you're not coming?

I'm not gonna egg my best
friend's house, Anna.

Okay, you chose sides.

"I'm not in this world to live up

"to your expectations, and
you're not in this world

to live up to mine."

Not everything is a saying.

Like, it's kind of a cop out.

And you chose sides, and it's not mine,

so I'm not choosing yours.

I don't want to go out with you anymore.

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC]

Anna...

You've made your choice. I respect it.

♪ ♪

GABE: And I went to the bathroom

and I was... and as I was
walking into the stall,

it was just like a needle.

MAYA: Nah, he's not coming?

No.

What happened?

Um, we just broke up.

What?

Oh, my God.

- Are you okay?
- GABE: Sorry, Anna. That sucks.

JAFEER: Sorry, that's sucks.

MAYA: What happened?

Nothing.

Let's go egg this b*tch.

- Yeah.
- ANNA: Okay?

- Yeah.
- MAYA: Okay.

- Let's just, like...
MAYA: Do it.

- All right.
- Let's go!

- Let's go!
- All right.

ANNA: Yeah!

MAYA: Okay, stop!

- ANNA: Do it.
- Okay, okay!

ANNA: Shh!

JAFEER: Come on, come on, come on.

ANNA: Okay.

JAFEER: Wait, what is this?

- GABE: Ew, oh, my God.
- Is this baby squid?

ANNA: Are you kidding me, Maya?

- Ew!
- It was all my mom had.

- GABE: That's what smells.
- MAYA: What?

- GABE: It's stinky!
- ANNA: But why?

- It's fine.
- SAM: It's jiggling.

- Wait, what?
- Don't touch me with that.

Oh, shit.

GABE: Oh, my God, I
touched its tentacle.

- Oh, no! No!
- [LAUGHS]

SAM: Dude, actually this is bad.

Look at all the ink. Dude, do it.

- Ew!
- Shut up,

That's gonna get all
over Derrick's window.

- ANNA: You do it.
- MAYA: You do it!

- ANNA: You do it.
- JAFEER: Just throw it!

Go, go!

MAYA: Oh, my God.

- MAYA: Oh!
- GABE: Yeah, eat squid!

- JAFEER: Okay.
- ANNA: Ew, ew!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

[SINGING IN LANGUAGE]

♪ ♪

MAYA: Run!

- ANNA: Stop.
- SAM: Hey, scatter everyone.

Scatter! Go, go, go!

Oh, shit, my backpack!

- Go, go, go!
- DERRICK'S MOM: Hey!

MAYA: Yeah, wait up!

- DERRICK'S MOM: Hey!
- GABE: b*tch!

- ANNA: f*ck you!
- DERRICK'S MOM: Hey!

ANNA: Oh, my God.

Shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh. Can I sit here?

Oh, my God. [MAYA SCREAMS]

MAYA: Oh, my God! Go, go, go!

- [LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
- SAM: Oh, shit!

- MAYA: Shh! Shh!
- Is she still there?

- MAYA: f*ck you!
- Shut up!

- f*ck you!
- MAYA: Shh.

SAM: b*tch.

- How long should we wait?
- I don't know.

How long should we wait?

I don't know, that's why I asked you.

Okay.

Sorry, I'm just thinking about Steve.

He's just, like, not at
all who I thought he was.

And, like...

Dude, you deserve way
better than that scrub.

Trust me. [SCOFFS]

I don't feel like that right now.

You have a little bit
of grass in your hair.

- Thank you.
- Anytime.

- Sometimes Steve did that.
- He would take...

You want to see something cool?

- Yeah.
- All right, check this out.

You have grass on your butt.

SHUJI: Ready?

[ROMANTIC MUSIC]

[SINGERS VOCALIZING]

♪ ♪

MAYA: Oh, my God. Look at your knees.

SAM: Shit.

My mom's gonna k*ll me.

MAYA: This looks so stupid.

- Where did everyone go?
- SAM: I don't know.

I hope they didn't get caught.

MAYA: Yeah.

How long do you think
we should stay back here?

At least, like, minutes or so.

- [LAUGHING]
- minutes?

- SAM: Something like that.
- MAYA: No.

- I don't know.
- MAYA: That's too long.

What?

- [CHUCKLES]
- MAYA: What?

You know you're pretty, right?

No, I'm not, stupid. Don't say that.

I'm butt ugly. It's fine.

SAM: No, you're not.

You're not butt ugly at all.

Are you joking?

SAM: Not today.

Can I see your Discman?

Why?

I don't know. I just
want to try something.

Okay, just be careful with it.

SAM: Okay. Need help?

So whenever you hear this song...

["Smooth' by Santana playing]

I want you to think of this.

If it's okay.

All right. Okay.

- It's okay.
- It's okay?

- MAYA: Yeah.
- All right.

CARLOS SANTANA: ♪ And if you said
this life ain't good enough ♪

♪ I would give my world to lift you up ♪

♪ I could change my live
to better suit your mood ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Because you're so smooth ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And it's just like the
ocean under the moon ♪

♪ It's the same as the
emotion that I get from you ♪

♪ You got the kind of loving
that can be so smooth, yeah ♪

♪ Give me your heart, make it real ♪

♪ Or else forget about it ♪

[BOTH LAUGH]

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

MAYA:
So cute.

ANNA: Look at my cheeks, they're so fat.

MAYA: Look at your face. You're like...

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Oh, no, you're so little.

You were so cute.

You're so cute.

- Oh, my God, look.
- There I am.

- So stupid.
- ANNA: Oh, little baby Maya.

[MAYA LAUGHS]

Oh, my God.

I wonder what we'll
be like in the future.

I know.

All I know is, I want my hair
to be, like, super, super long.

- Yeah?
- Like, to my ass.

You will.

[BOTH LAUGH]

MAYA: Yeah.

ANNA: I can't believe
it's gonna be, like,

eighth grade, and then high
school, and then college.

And, like... [SIGHS]

Yeah, it's crazy.

Do you think that there's ever a time

that we won't be friends?

Nah. Why would you say that?

No, I'm just saying, 'cause
things happen, like...

Like what things?

Like, what if after college,
you get a little bit depressed,

and I'm a little irresponsible,

and we're both just so super dependent

on each other, and I
can't take it anymore.

And we don't laugh like we used to?

Or, like, the things
that we didn't think

would bother us about each other.

Or our parents.

Or the way we see the
world starts to eat at us,

and we just get, like, really cynical.

And really just, like, wake up one day

and we're not friends.

BOTH: Or...

- We share a dorm...
- Mm-hmm.

- After school.
- Yes.

- Okay?
- Mm-hmm.

And I cook you all of your lunches.

Oh, yeah. And I cook breakfast,

- dinners, and snacks.
- MAYA: Yeah.

'Cause you're the only one
who knows how I like

my onions to be cooked.

I knew you were gonna say onions.

BOTH: Sautéed.

Sautéed! That's it.

- I know.
- Literally.

And, like, after work, when we're older,

we're probably gonna, like,
walk together, like, every day.

Yeah, and we're gonna
have a double wedding.

Yeah.

And then we'll probably get
divorced at the same time.

'Cause they got in the way of us.

Yeah, and then we'll probably have kids,

like, a couple years apart,

so that you can help me raise mine.

'Cause I'm gonna have issues with it.

And we can live on the
same property, right?

Yeah.

And then when you get sick,

I'm gonna take you to
the doctor every day

because it's a block away, okay?

I'm gonna take you.

- [SNIFFLES]
- I will.

We're just gonna protect
each other from everything.

You promise?

And then there are gonna be clouds

that are, like, a
little lower in the sky,

- like, just around our house.
- Yeah.

And they're gonna be really, really soft

so we can just, like, hang out in them

and do, like, whatever, you know?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

And then, like, I'm gonna, like,

have the angels come down every Friday,

and they're gonna be, like,

"Hey, do you guys, like, want anything?"

And we're gonna be, like, "No."

'Cause we have each other.

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, look!

BOTH: That's when we met.

♪ ♪
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