03x05 - The Twitch

[bunniefuu]

Come on, fellows. Get with it.

That's right, Mr. Rubble.

You ought to try this twitching, Fred. It's fun.

Join in, Mr. Flintstone.

Well, it's a little tricky, but, um, I'll try.

You sure you made 2 million bucks doing this?

I swear on my gold record, I did.

Boy, this sure beats hauling rocks.

[caws]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

♪ A dabba doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪♪

Let's face it, Betty.

As chairman of our Ladies Auxiliary Entertainment Committee, I'm a flop.

Gee, Wilma, you've only got a week to get an act for our big charity benefit show.

And I don't know where to start.

Hmm.

How about a mind-reading act?

No. The ladies do that at home all the time.

[giggles]

[tires screeching]

Oh, there's Fred. What does he say?

We haven't discussed it.

He's been working so hard lately, all I hear is three things, "What a day, I'm beat," and, "What's for dinner?"

Oh, boy. What a day.

I am beat.

Wilma, what's for dinner? I'm starving.

No, Dino! Down, boy! Down!

Heel! Heel, boy! Down, Dino! Down!

What's for dinner?

How would a trained seal be?

Wilma, I've told you a hundred times, no new recipes.

It's not for you, Fred.

It's for the Ladies Auxiliary. They can get their own dinner.

Did you ever see such a grouch, Betty?

I will if I don't get Barney's dinner on the table.

Bye, folks. Bye.

Fine thing.

A man comes home from work, and what does he want?

His paper, his pipe, his slippers, and dinner.

And what does he get? Wisecracks.

Like "a trained seal." For dinner, yet.

For me, it's decisions, decisions, decisions all day long, but Wilma can't decide whether to feed me or the Ladies Auxiliary.

Now I like that. You do?

While you're liking things how come you don't like me as much as Dino does?

I do like you as much as Dino, Fred.

But I'm all in a dither because I can't find an act for our charity show.

[Fred] Oh, is that all?

[Wilma] Fred, it's a big problem.

[Fred] So get a big star who will draw a big crowd.

[Wilma] For 35 little dollars?

When's a potato peeler get a coffee break around here?

Wilma, money is no problem when you think big.

Since when?

Since I happen to have a big friend who's a big agent for big stars.

Fred, I don't think you'll get a star for $35.

Then stop thinking, Wilma. I will handle it.

Fred, nobody can hire a star for no money.

Barney, Sam Stone and me were buddies way before he became a big agent.

I won't need money with good old Sam.

So I promised the wife a star for, heh, peanuts, Sammy, old pal.

For peanuts, Fred, baby, sweetheart, I think I got the answer.

Thanks, Sam. I knew I could count on you.

Fred, baby, sweetheart, as everyone knows, Sam Stone's got a heart of gold.

Right? Right.

So Sam is getting you a big TV star for peanuts.

Sweetie, honey, tell Mr. Chips we'd like to see him in here, okay?

How about that? We're getting Mr. Chips.

Who's he?

What do you mean, "Who's he?" He's... [laughs]

Like Sam said, a big TV star.

And here he is now.

Fred, he isn't so big.

I don't know what to say, Sammy.

Say it's charity, sweetheart, when you get a big star who'll work for peanuts, salary-wise.

[Fred] Well, uh, what's his act?

He's a method actor, Fred. Strictly method.

[Barney] Hey, what's that mean?

[Sam] Give us some method acting, Chips, baby.

[yawns]

[Barney] Those method actors sure can act.

[laughing]

He's got me thinking he's a chimpanzee.

[Fred] He is a chimpanzee.

And his act would make my wife look like a monkey.

What do you expect for the peanuts you're spending?

And how much you got?

Thirty-five peanuts. Dollars.

Sweetie, send in any old 35 buck routine you come across.

Come on, Chips. I'll flip you for lunch.

But Sam, what about... Your 35 bucks?

Flintstone, I could book my mother-in-law at the laundromat for more than that.

So long, fellows.

So long, Sammy, baby, sweetheart.

That Sammy Stone is a true buddy-buddy, Fred.

That big phony. How do you figure?

He's showing us some acts right at our price level.

Yeah. The bargain basement.

[Barney] It's different, Fred. Very different.

[Fred] Next!

[Barney] Fred, I think she likes you.

[Fred] Next!

♪ All the kids in showbiz know Sammy, Sammy ♪

♪ You're the guy who makes the dough Sam Stone Agency ♪

♪ With generosity you kindly take our fee ♪

♪ At 10 percent, we'll play a tent for the Sam Stone Agency ♪♪ Well? [Fred] Next!

Pretty nifty, Fred? [laughing]

Yeah, too nifty for the Ladies Auxiliary. Next.

Would one of you gentlemen assist me in my act?

A magic act?

He's gonna make me disappear or something.

Anything you want me to tell Wilma in case he can't bring you back?

[laughing]

What kind of magic act do you call this?

[yelling]

Watch it there, Charlie! I bruise easily!

Stop it, Fred, please. You're making me dizzy.

Stop what? I'm not doing anything.

Hey!

[crashing]

What do you think, Fred? Definitely not.

Let's get out of here, Barney. We're wasting our time.

"Fred, sweetheart, baby, Sam is getting you a big TV star."

That Hollyrock phony. I've seen better talent in a zoo.

Fred, what are you going to tell Wilma?

The truth, what else?

What you usually tell her, a story.

No, Barney, no. I'm simply going to walk in and say, "Wilma, I did my best, but I failed.

I did not get an act for your show."

You sure you want to do that?

Of course. What can she do? Sue me?

No, but don't say I didn't tell you so when Wilma says, "I told you so."

Hi, Fred. Well, I told you so.

You told me what?

That you can't hire a star for $35.

[Fred] You're dead sure I failed today, aren't you, Wilma?

[Wilma] Fred, even you can't do the impossible.

Your confidence in me is very touching.

Remember when you invested in that novelty pajamas company?

It could have made us millionaires.

[Wilma] Instead, we wound up with no money and a hundred pairs of pajamas that glowed in the dark.

Enough, Wilma!

But I still had confidence in you.

Even when you traded our car for all that oil stock and then found that you'd bought two olive trees.

[Fred] Wilma, I'm warning you!

Next.

There are many things you can do, Fred.

But negotiating big deals isn't one of them.

Is that so?

What do you think of this, Mrs. Doubtful Thomas?

I got your act!

Fred, you're kidding.

It's the biggest act anywhere. And it won't cost you anything.

It's free and gratis and besides, it's for nothing.

I can't believe it. Who is it, Fred? Who?

Well, it's a...

It's a surprise.

But I'll have to put it on the tickets and everything.

Who is it?

I'll tell you after dinner. I got to relax first.

How could I have doubted you, you wonderful man?

You did it!

Yeah. Me and my big mouth did it.

I can't imagine who you got. Neither can I.

Stall for time, Fred. You got to think.

What did you say, Fred?

I said I'm thirsty. Bring me a drink.

Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Tonight we have a really big show and to start off with a bang, we bring you that boy with the twang.

Here's your water, Fred. Now tell me who you got.

Come on, Fred. Who is it? Please.

Quiet, Wilma. I'm relaxing.

Here he is, folks, the sensational, the incomparable Rock Roll.

And his hit record, The Twitch.

♪ There's a town I know Where the hipsters go called Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ When you get an itch Then you do the twitch in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ 'Cause the twitching's fine Have yourself a time in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪ Fred, I want to know now!

♪ Well, we'll twist around the clock tonight In Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll with all his might In Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ It's a swingin' town ♪

♪ So I'll see you down in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪♪

[Wilma] Fred, who did you get?

Him, that's who!

I got Rock Roll to come perform at your show.

Now will you get off my back?

Fred, what did you say?

Yeah. What did I say? Fred, say it again.

I got Rock Roll to perform at your show.

Oh, boy.

I thought you were going to tell Wilma the truth, Fred.

I was. So what happened?

She hit me with a fast "I told you so."

I was obliged to defend myself with the Rock Roll story.

That's terrible. What are you gonna do?

The honorable thing, of course. Sneak out of town.

And leave Wilma holding the bag?

Fred, you wouldn't.

No, I guess not. She can come with me.

Old buddy, I can see you're all tied up in knots.

Let's go get a massage.

Good idea, Barn.

Now, just relax, Fred. We'll find a calm, sensible way out of this.

Right. Right. Ahh.

Calm and sensible.

We know Rock Roll is in town on a tour, right?

Calm and sensible. That's right.

Okay, calm and sensible like, we go to his hotel and kidnap him.

Right. We kidnap Rock Roll.

Kidnap him? What's the matter with you, Barney?

How else can you get him?

I don't know. How about me trying to hypnotize him?

Fred, could you? Sure, Barney.

I'll simply look him in the eye, tell him my problem, and ask him to help me out.

Okay, let's go. Are you kidding?

You can't walk in on a star like Rock Roll, and ask him to perform for free.

I didn't mean to walk in, but maybe if we go in on our knees, crying a little, what can we lose?

[Fred and Barney sobbing]

Hey, Mr. Flintstone, Mr. Rubble, you all can get off your knees now.

I'll do it!

Come on, fellows. Quit your crying.

I said the answer's yes.

Did you hear that, Barney? He said yes.

You mean you'll perform at my wife's show for nothing?

Sure enough, yeah.

Mr. Roll, you don't know what this means, and I don't know how to thank you.

Great day in the morning, man, I know how it is.

Got me a little gal that never stops jawing sunup to sundown.

Barney-boy, he said yes!

He sure enough did.

[laughing]

Besides, it's a chance to try out my new song in front of an audience.

Hey there, fellow, that's my career you're fussing with.

You all better clear out now, hear?

How do you like this, boys?

I'm what you might call a hardtop convertible.

[all laughing]

Fellows, I laughed myself up an appetite.

Come on, let's have something to eat.

Man, I do dearly love my food.

Say, you eat pretty good yourself, Mr. Flintstone.

You remind me of my daddy.

Folks called him "Plump Pa."

What a coincidence.

Folks call Mr. Flintstone here "Fat Fred," don't they, Mr. Flintstone?

[all laughing]

[gasping]

Get this stuff away from me!

Quick!

[sneezes]

That's better.

What's wrong, Rock?

Pickled dodo eggs, I'm allergic to them.

No fooling?

If I just smell them, I sneeze.

But if I eat any pickled dodo eggs...

[whooping]

I lose my voice completely.

Can't talk or sing for days.

That's too bad.

Oh, no. It ain't bad at all.

It's pickled dodo eggs got me $2 million, my own recording company, three houses, two cars, an airplane, and I'm a star.

All that from pickled dodo eggs? How come?

Well, boys, about a year ago, I was playing my guitar for a school dance, see, when somebody give me a pickled dodo-egg sandwich.

Man, I started sneezing, and itching, and jumping around like a horny-toad frog on a hot stove.

Fellow saw me, figured it was the twitching was my act and hired me for his nightclub.

So, that's how you started the twitch, all $2 million worth of it, from an allergy?

Maybe that's why we're not rich, Fred.

The worst we can get are simple head colds.

Barney, just being allergic ain't enough.

You gotta have talent.

As Rock will prove at the Ladies Auxiliary show.

Right, Rock? Well, I aim to try.

Here's the song I'm gonna sing at your show.

It's one I just recorded.

♪ Sowbelly, pot of beans Tie a rope around your jeans ♪

♪ Tell your mom not to wait You ain't gettin' home till late ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna twitch ♪

♪ There's a town I know Where the hipsters go called Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ When you get an itch Then you do the twitch in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ 'Cause the twitching's fine Have yourself a time in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪ Hey, a song about our town.

♪ Well, we'll twist around The clock tonight in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll With all his might in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ It's a swingin' town So I'll see you down in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪♪ Come on, fellows. Get with it.

That's right, Mr. Rubble.

You ought to try this twitching, Fred. It's fun.

Join in, Mr. Flintstone.

Well, it's a little tricky, but, um, I'll try.

You sure you made 2 million bucks doing this?

I swear on my gold record, I did.

Boy, this sure beats hauling rocks.

Betty, are you as excited as I am? And how.

The show's a complete sellout thanks to Fred.

[Fred] Think nothing of it, girls.

No trouble. [laughs]

All it took was...

Some crying, begging, and pleading.

[laughing]

Come on, let's go to our seats.

You girls go ahead, we'll meet you there.

We promised to help out with the lights.

[Wilma] All right, boys, but hurry.

[orchestra music playing]

I wish Rock would get here.

Why's he so late?

Easy, Fred. He'll get here.

Everybody in Bedrock must be out there.

Boy, imagine all those people waiting for one guy.

His public.

You got a public, Fred. You got me, Wilma, and Betty.

That's not a public. That's a bridge game.

What's keeping Rock?

Where's Fred and Barney?

They'd better be starting the show.

This audience is getting restless.

He's not in there. He's not out here. Where is he?

Relax, Fred. He'll be here any...

[horn honking]

Hey, there's Rock's car and there's Rock.

Hurry up, Rock. Hurry up.

The whole town's waiting for you to get out there and twitch.

Huh? What do you mean, no?

Barney, what's eating this guy?

I think the question is, Fred, "What's this guy been eating?"

[Fred] It begins with an "O," and has wings?

You ate an owl?

[Barney] No, Fred. It begins with a "Do."

He ate a doughnut.

I got it. He ate a doughnut hole with wings?

[Fred] Oh, brother. Am I ever in a pickle.

You mean you're in a pickle, too?

No, Fred. The pickle's in him.

Oh, no!

You mean pickled dodo-bird eggs? You ate some by mistake?

Oh, Rock, you can't sing! I'm finished! I'm through!

Barney, he can't sing. What will I do?

Huh?

What's all this stuff?

It looks like Rock's costume, his guitar, and his record, Fred.

Oh, I get it!

You go out on the stage in his costume and make your mouth match Rock's recording.

Right, Rock? Hold it, Rock!

I can't get away with this.

[whistles]

Rock, come back! I get stage fright!

Come on, Fred. Your public is waiting.

I can't do it, Barney. I'm scared stiff.

That crowd wants Rock Roll, not Fat Fred.

They'll never know the difference, Fred.

All those people out there now belong to you.

They're your public. All yours.

My public?

Yes. How about that? I got my own private public.

Here he is, folks!

The sensational, the one and only, Rock Roll in person!

[crowd cheering]

I don't want my public. Send them home. Send me home!

I'm scared.

Freddie-boy, I hate to do this to you, but...

[Fred yelling]

♪ There's a town I know where the hipsters go called Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ When you get an itch Then you do the twitch in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ 'Cause the twitching's fine Have yourself a time in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪ He's exciting! He's marvelous!

He's Fred. Fred?

♪ The clock tonight in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll ♪

[caws]

Sorry. [laughs] Must have dozed off.

♪ Well, we'll twist around the clock tonight In Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ And Rock is gonna roll with all his might In Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ It's a swingin' town So I'll see you down in Bedrock ♪

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪♪

[all cheering]

[whistles]

The most exciting act in show business, folks!

Let's hear it for Rock Roll!

Wilma, I can't get over how Fred saved the show last night.

I know. Wasn't he marvelous?

And you know what? He won't let me tell anyone.

Really?

This morning he told me to forget the whole thing.

No fooling? He's so modest.

He says anyone could have done it, anyone at all.

[Fred singing] ♪ Sowbelly and a pot of beans Tie that rope around your jeans ♪ Wilma, what's that awful noise?

I don't know. But it sounds like someone's had an accident.

♪ Twitch, twitch ♪

♪ There's a town I know Where the hipsters go called Bedrock ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby, baby ♪

[Wilma] Fred?

♪ Baby, baby... ♪♪ Hello, Wilma.

Fred, what are you wearing?

What are you doing? Why are you home from work?

I quit my job, Wilma.

You what?

I quit. Anyone can lug boulders around a rock quarry.

But Fred, you've worked so hard to get ahead.

[Fred] Exactly, and I'm through with working hard.

I'm going into show business.

[Wilma] Oh, no.

You saw me last night, sweetheart, baby.

I was one sensational smasharoonie.

I'm going to be a star.

Even picked the name of my first record album, Fatty Fred Flintstone Sings You Music to Twitch By.

You like it?

Fatty Fred Flintstone? Fatty Fred Flintstone?

It will be stuff like this.

♪ There's a town I know where the hipsters go ♪

[howling]

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

[Wilma] Hand them over, Dino. Ladies first.

That includes me.

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Be ba be ba be ba baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ Oh, the town called Bedrock Where you twitch and twitch ♪♪

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight And that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

♪ A dabba doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪♪ Wilma!