03x13 - We Having Fun Yet?

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Batwoman". Aired October 6, 2019 - current.
Three years after Batman disappeared, his cousin Kate Kane sets out to protecting the streets of Gotham City.
Post Reply

03x13 - We Having Fun Yet?

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on "Batwoman"...

Marquis is sick.

There was an incident.

The Joker pressed this godforsaken thing

to my son's head and turned
him into a monster.

I've been told that another
buzz could cure him.

I am losing my mind!

The hallucinations are back.

I just need a little edger

until you can get me the Joy Buzzer.

There's only one buzz left.

Ryan needs it... for her brother.

MARY: Your dad programmed your suit's AI

to speak with his voice?

Dad, say hello to Mary.

AI: Hello, Mary.

It's like you can talk to him again.

It seems Batwoman is a no-show.


JADA: My God. That's why
Batwoman didn't show up.

She was here the whole time.

I'm sorry, Mary.

What did you do?

ALICE: What if I were
to give you something

that would make the Joker...

wish he were you?

Let's have some fun.



WOMAN: ♪ Oh, sweet child ♪

♪ Oh, sweet child ♪

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ It's dark outside ♪

JOKER: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

WOMAN: ♪ Oh, sweet child ♪

JOKER: Ha ha ha ha!

WOMAN: ♪ Oh, sweet child ♪

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ It's dark outside ♪


♪ It's dark outside ♪


Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!


Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Exactly where you said
they would be, funny man.

WOMAN: ♪ It's dark outside ♪





Oh, my God!

What are you doing?

Why isn't this stronger?

Alice, stop this.

Voltage, conductor.
They said it would work.

- Why isn't it working?
- What are you doing?

Getting Alice out of my head!

Alice, stop... this.

- That could k*ll you.
- Give it back!

Wait, wait.

Just wait.


I told you I would help you!

And I found a place.

It's in Switzerland, it's near Geneva,

and it's called the Weisse
Kaninchen Sanatorium.

They specialize in childhood trauma.

They can help you.


No more cells.

No more institutions.

I cannot be in my head anymore!

I want out!

Please get me out.

Please, please.


I can't.


SOPHIE: All right, Batwoman.
What's the plan?

How do we best handle our one wild

and precious buzz?

Marquis showed us he doesn't have access

to a sliver of humanity,

and thanks to, Alice,
he just got control

of the Batcave,

so however we get him,
it's got to be today,

and if this thing only
has juice for one buzz,

I have to be the one to make the play.

So we lure him close,

and I h*t him before he
knows what's coming.

MARY: Or alternatively,
we give it to Alice.

Sorry I'm late.

You know she just gave Marquis the keys

to the batkingdom, right?

I just came back from Arkham,

where I found her playing DIY

electroshock therapy
with a socket wrench.

She's not gonna survive her
next psychological break.

We tried to help her.

Alice made her bed.

RYAN: Okay, Mary.

We know you feel a certain... whatever

for her, but the buzzer created Marquis.

The Joker created Marquis,

and if we're splitting hairs,

he created Alice, too.

LUKE: Alice k*lled your mom, Mary.

Do you think I forgot?

You think I don't know how badly

Ryan wants her brother back

or that the first time
Alice ever met Sophie

she threw her off a -story building?

I know. It is not like this is

some easy decision for me... or anyone,

but I believe Alice
is capable of change.

She just needs a chance.

Come on. Each one of
you looked me in the eye

a few weeks ago, apologized

for sidelining me, and assured me

I would have a voice on this team.

This is it.

This is me using my voice.

This is... this is what I want.

I need to save Alice's life.


SOPHIE: I just got a live urgent
message from Marquis Jet.

Yeah, me, too.

I think we all did.

What's up, Gotham City?
We having fun yet?

Marquis Jet hollerin' at you

from a top-secret location.

The time has come, the day is here.

Tonight is the damn night.

I need everyone to take to the streets,

get out on your balconies,
jump up on your car.

Hell, climb up to the tippy top

of your corner church steeple

because in hours on the dot...

I'm gonna be shouting
Batwoman's true identity

from the rooftops.

Spoiler alert!

She's not the hero you think she is.

Ticktock, Gotham.

This is really happening.

Marquis Jet is about to shut
Batwoman down for good.

DANA DEWITT: We are still hours away

from the Batwoman name drop,

but curiosity has already pulled

some Gotham residents to the streets,

reacting to claims made
by Wayne CEO Marquis Jet

that he knows the Scarlet Knight's

secret identity and
that we should all brace

for disappointment.

No details beyond that were teased,

but putting a face to the name
would certainly be

the end of business as usual
for the caped crusader,

whose anonymity is key to her own safety

and those of her loved ones.

While various theories surrounding

who's behind the mask
have been bouncing around

social media...

Oh. Guys.

Told you she doesn't knock.

I take it you saw Marquis's threats.

I believe million people
saw Marquis's threats.

How on earth did he hijack

every phone, TV, and
livestream in this city?

He got into the Batcave.

From there, he found the computer,

which led to Wayne's satellite,

which he used to override
Gotham's airwaves.

My dad created the tech in the event

that Batman had to send
an SoS to every person

in the city all at once.

Any chance you can
trace the original feed

back to its location?

Without access
to the Batcave, I was lucky

to be able to get a screencap.

Well, that's not gonna help us.

What are you doing?

Do you remember how your father

always repeated himself when he got mad?

- Vividly. Why?
- I can hear him now.

"Jada, Jada, Jada, you let my boy

take on Marquis with a
smartphone and a dialup?


I'm sure my tech team can pull

a carrier-grade router
off Jeturian's server farm.

Uh... thank you?

We don't have a lot of time.

We've got to find Marquis and buzz him

with that Joy Buzzer.

Where's Ryan?

MARY: Ahem. That is such
a good question.

Uh... where's Ryan?

Right. Uh, Sophie, didn't Ryan
tell you where she was headed?

SOPHIE: Uh, yes. I believe she said

she was running an errand.

Right. That's what I remember.

Errand. Duh. She did mention an errand.

Where was it again?

RYAN: Tell me why you
deserve the Joy Buzzer.

Shouldn't you be out enjoying
your last few hours

of superhero anonymity?

Yeah, I should. Instead, I'm here

doing my best friend a solid

while the person who actually needs it

is out there threatening to destroy

everything I've worked for.

Oh, you mean the brother you're scared

is too good to be true?

Face it, Ry-Ry, you can
blame Mary all you want,

but deep down in that
little orphan heart,

you need me to have that thing.

Oh, wow. Mary was right.
You did stop making sense.

Or... chances are you spent

the last few months daydreaming

about what it would be like
to have a nuclear family.

Thanksgiving dinners,

family game nights,

the comfort of a kidney should
a new one become necessary.

Your desperation's showing.

What if you zap Marquis

and that good little boy buried

beneath that tacky clown suit turns out

to be doing just fine

without his needy little sister?

Do you really want to risk
getting your hopes up

only to have him leave
you like everybody else?

I'm your safe bet, Ryan. Heh heh.

Psycho or sane,

you don't need me to love you back.

JADA: Our stingrays can
simulate a cell tower,

and since our supercomputers are too big

to walk through that door,
you'll need this,

a secure access point to the quantum
computer at Gotham University.

Did you say quantum computer?

Your father had me fund
the computer lab it lives in.

It seems only right you use it.

Greg, tell Hershel to pull
the generator into the alley.

GREG: Yes, ma'am.

This processor makes
the Batcave look like

it runs on a hamster wheel.

Where were all of these resources

when Jada didn't think
we had the Joy Buzzer?

Dibs on not being the one to tell her.

Any update from Ryan?

Not yet.

So what's it gonna be, Ry-Ry?

Wow. This was a waste of my time.

Have a nice life, Alice.

I don't deserve the Joy Buzzer, okay?

We both know that's what
you wanted to hear...

But I do have a little
piece of information

you're gonna need if you want
to live to see tomorrow.

What are you talking about?


Dare I say it's accurate to assume

that Marquis is harboring a...

wee, little man crush on the Joker?

LUKE: Got a h*t. Honing in
on Marquis's location now.

- How does that make sense?
- MARY: What are all of those?

His singular cell I.D. is pinging off

different shops in Gotham Square.

ALICE: According to your brother,

when he was , the
Joker jumped on his bus

and whispered his big, evil plan

to destroy Gotham City once and for all.

Unfortunately for the Joker,

Batty stopped him and
dumped him into Arkham

before he could pull it off,

but, um, curious Cathy over here

wandered down to the CAF

and asked a few of the Arkham lifers

if Mr. Smiley pants had ever...

talked about what he had
planned on doing that day.

Wow. Did I ever hear the most...

interesting riddle.

He's moving, just really, really slow.

Converting coordinates, adding altitude.

He's not on the ground. He's in the air.

So, what? Marquis took the Wayne Jet?

Well, if the Wayne Jet moved that slow,

it would fall out of the sky.

- No.
- What?


No. No! No!

What was it?

Tease them with a riddle,

get them all outside.

What's wet and melts and isn't snow

but ends in genocide?

This isn't about my identity, is it?

That was just the draw.

This... is about the Joker's desire

to punish the city for worshiping

the Bat symbol.

It's about k*lling as many people

as humanly possible

and riddling this city with survivors

that are as ugly as him.

How? How does one person
blow up an entire city?

He took it. It's gone.

He must have found the location

of the secret airstrip
in the Batcave's records.

What do you mean it's gone? What's gone?

The Batblimp.



The game's changed.

This isn't about my identity.

It's about luring million
innocent people

to their deaths.

In one hour, Marquis is
dropping acid b*mb

over the city and destroying everything

and everyone in its blast radius,

so we may be in a bar
dealing with the fallout

of Batman's greatest enemy
without a Joy Buzzer

or time to think straight,

but we don't get excuses.

- No one dies today. Am I clear?
- Crystal.

Good. Any chance you can hack
into the controls of the Batblimp?

I've never once seen
the blimp's interface,

but it's possible the coordinates

are vulnerable to an ISMI catcher.

- Need a yes or no.
- I can't land it,

but I can probably get it close.

Close is all we need.

I need you to direct it
to the GCPD rooftop.

Why? What are you planning?

So you can stop me?

It's that crazy?

Look at you figuring me out already.

No time for details.
Besides, I need you and Mary

to put your brains together
to get everyone in the city

to take cover without
inciting a chaos mob.

How? Not to throw shade
on my own sex appeal here,

but you know I only have,
like, followers

on socials, right?

The Batman trophies.

Chances are Marquis cleaned house

on the w*apon,
but he doesn't have access

to the wing with the trophy room

without Batwoman's DNA.

- So?
- So between the Mad Hatter's hat

and the Condiment King's
g*n, surely there's

some kooky tool in there
that can influence

people's behavior.

SOPHIE: Okay. Let's say there were.

How the hell do we get into the Batcave?

I'm sure Marquis quadrupled security

since Batwing and I got busted

breaking into Wayne.

Jada's really not happy with me,

but I may have an idea.

I'm sorry.

When you said we'd get our family back,

I trusted you.

We will get our family back.

How? That buzzer was
the only way to save Marquis.

You knew that, and
you still gave it away.

Having that buzzer in our possession

wouldn't change the fact that a blimp

hovering over our city is about to douse

our streets with the Joker's acid b*mb.

We need to get people to safety.

I have connections, Ryan,

but I highly doubt the
president of the United States

is going to take my call.

I don't need the president.

I need my mom

to pick up her phone

and get me Wayne Enterprises back.

Do to him what you did to me.

If it were that simple, I would
have done it weeks ago.

Marquis is smart.
His accounting is bulletproof.

And I'm guessing he's not hiding

a billion-dollar vigilante fund.

No, but he is hiding something...

The ugly truth.

Jada... if you do mean

what I think you mean,

there could be serious ramifications

for you, too.

I've risked everything
to protect my son and failed.

It's time I take a page from
my daughter's handbook.

It's time to put the city first.


It's never good when your cfo
calls you at Martini o'clock.


Who said that?

Heh. Uh-huh.

You think you can f*re me?

You and who else?

Oh! The DOJ. Ha ha ha!

That's rich. Yeah. Have fun with that.

NEWS ANCHOR: Marquis Jet's own mother,

business tycoon Jada Jet,

just admitted to
the decades-long family secret.

years ago, Franklin Jet
was pronounced d*ad

after a fall.

These allegations now
throw that into question.

Meanwhile, the Wayne board
has unanimously

reappointed Ryan Wilder
to the CEO position,

calling her previous
resignation coerced.

That position would be
reinstated immediately. Ms...

Heh. You think I care about
Wayne or... or... or family

or any of you idiots?!

Don't you get it?

None of you matter anymore.

MARY: Luke, we're in.
Jada's play worked.

Wayne Tower was postapocalyptic.

So... ready to teach me how to do this?

Luke? Hello? Batcave to Luke.

Yep. I copy. Just furiously hacking

into a nuclear Batblimp from a barstool.

Apologies for the -second delay.

Okay. I'm at the computer.

Tell me how Marquis was
able to hijack the airwaves.



Okay. Are you looking at
the satellite access portal?

Uh, the thing with the
dots and the numbers?

Let's assume yes. So you're
gonna get a prompt.

Then you need to claim access

to each of the satellites.


Just click the box next
to the satellite file.

Okay. Clicking boxes.

It's kind of creepy how easy this is.

Well, considering I just had to remind
you where the power switch was...

Okay. Team doctor, not the techie.

I'd like to see one of
your patient intake reports.

- I missed this.
- What? Me fumbling

over this electronic paperweight
you call a computer?


Me, too.

Okay. I'm two clicks away from
controlling Gotham's airwaves.


Okay. Cool. What did Sophie land on?

The Penguin's umbrella.

LUKE: Inducing Gotham
into a hypnotic state

via eye fascination.

I mean, that... that's brilliant.


Okay. Hey. Uh, get your hypno on.

I just got into the blimp.

Batbar to Batwoman.

- RYAN: Just landed.
- LUKE: All right. I'm in.

I'm entering your coordinates now.

Let me know when you see it.


Got eyes.


Ah. I love you morons.


What the hell was that?

Hey. Hey!

Why did we drop?

I have no idea, Mr. Jet.

Computer changed coordinates
and locked me out.

Well, then put it in autopilot.

I did. Nothing is working, sir.

It's totally d*ad.

Guess you two have that in common.

RYAN: Luke, I need this
thing to be a lot lower.

Yeah. Trying. Something happened.

I'm literally staring
at a ticking clock here.

Yeah. I lost access. Everything
just dropped offline.

I need some time to get back in.

We don't have time.

Wish me luck.

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey!
What are you doing?

Taking the scenic route.

Lord, help me.

I'm in the cargo hold now.

SOPHIE: What do you see?

Please tell me they taught you

how to disarm a b*mb at Point Rock.

Get me eyes on it.

Half a dozen drums.

All attached to a timer that tells me

we have less than minutes

before Marquis makes it
rain acid all over Gotham.

Where do I start?

- You don't.
- Okay. I was expecting something

more like cut the green or purple.

I count at least tripwires

that would set this off early,

not to mention any other
nasty hidden surprises

the Joker might have left behind.

You touch any one of those wires,

the whole damn thing could go.

Where the hell are we
with evacing the city?

I'm just about to access
Wayne security mainframe

and drop a hot tip... now.


underground immediately.

Take cover. Wait for instructions.

Get underground immediately.

Take cover. Wait for instructions.

Get underground immediately.

Take cover. Wait for instructions.

Get underground immediately.

Take cover. Wait for instructions.

MARY: Oh, my God. It's working.

The Penguin's umbrella is actually
hypnotizing people to take cover.

SOPHIE: You hear that, Batwoman?

We're making progress.
You out of there yet?

I'm gonna try to reroute
the blimp over the ocean.

Okay. Tell me you learned how to wire

a blimp's controls at Point Rock.

Pretty sure pilot a giant
combustible balloon wasn't

offered in basic training.

This thing bl*ws,

acid's still gonna rain down
over the city.

Once Marquis realizes
we took away his audience,

he could trigger the b*mb at any moment

with you still inside.

I can't just walk away from this.

I'm not losing you, Ryan!

You don't get to play
the crazy card with me.

I'm not losing you.

Nobody's ever said that to me before.

MARQUIS: And nobody ever will again.

Should have known
you had something to do

with what's going on below.

See, this is why I never
wanted a little sister.

They ruin all the fun.

Your definition of fun is
bl*wing up half of Gotham?

Whoa. Why so pessimistic?

That means half the island lives

to remember the day that the Batblimp

d*sfigured them beyond recognition

and Batwoman didn't save them.

Err! Unh!


Disarm the b*mb.

Everyone's taken cover already.

- Your plan failed!
- Your plan failed!

Your plan to weasel in on my life

and steal Mommy away?

Hard fail, sis!

Disarm the b*mb, Marquis!

W-W-What is this, your last attempt

to win Jada's love?

Huh? You... you save her screwed up son

and then maybe she'll apologize

for leaving you in a dropbox?

She doesn't love you, Wilder!

Take the hint!


♪ I could burn the city down ♪

♪ I could put you underground ♪

♪ Make the stars fall from the sky ♪

♪ Make the clouds and heaven cry ♪

♪ I could burn it all down ♪

I'm not doing this for Jada.

Right. The hero's burden. I forgot.

You're doing this for mankind!

I'm doing it for my family.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Give me my brother back!

Give... him... back!

Please. I want Marquis. Please!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry...

That you're so desperate for a family

that you believed you could save me!


Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha... ohh!




Ryan? Ryan, are you there? Check in.

Ryan. Ryan, talk to me, please.

Say something. Are you okay?

You think I'm gonna die
before you buy me dinner?




The b*mb.

We're on it.

HERZIG: ♪ Anywhere you go, I follow ♪

♪ Anywhere you go ♪

♪ I follow ♪

♪ I follow ♪

This is worse than I thought.

Can you rewire the controls?

Not in two minutes.

I need to install
a whole new operating system

to steer this thing out of the city.

But you're Luke. There's always some

supergenius gigabyte-filled
rabbit in a hat

somewhere, right?


You're right.

My helmet's AI.

Whoa. Okay. It can do that?

Well, my dad designed the Battech

to talk to each other.

The AI is the only thing

that could override
this nav system in time.

If I can dock it to the mainframe,

we might actually have
a fighting chance.

Wait. Dock it? As in leave it behind?

Only way this works.

But, Luke, that's your dad.

Sophie... give me
a direction I can get to

in minutes and seconds.

Copy. I'm on it.

- Huh!
- Unh!


MARQUIS: Ha ha ha!

Do bats have lives, too?

Because I don't think you
can hold us up much longer.

You willing to k*ll me

or die for me, sis?

Not... letting go.

Is it just me, or is this evil plan

unfolding exactly as I called it?

Look at me doing something out

of the goodness of my heart.

I'm surprised you didn't
spontaneously burst into flames.

It must mean I've really changed.

Did this earn me the buzzer or what?

You really willing to ditch the bitch?

I watched my mom's head

bobbing down a river,

endured a life sentence

in a monster's basement

and had my head scrambled

by a woman scorned.

Now I'm coming to you of all people

for some magic key to
make the crazy go poof.

That must show you how desperate I am.

I don't see desperate. I see a girl

who lived a hell of a life

capable of change.

I can't... do it on my own!

No. You don't want to do it on your own

because it's hard,
but if anyone can survive

hard, Alice, it's you.

This... is for Mary,

but deep down, Mary knows

and I know and you know

you are not the one who needs this.

HERZIG: ♪ Anywhere you go ♪


♪ I follow ♪

Aah! Err!


Thank you.

I mean it.

To be clear...

We still aren't friends,

and I can't help you with that.


Less than a minute, Batwing.

How much longer before it's operational?

AI's in. Just need coordinates.

Sophie, now.

These calculations were made when we

still had two minutes on the clock.

What do you mean? We don't have time

to get it out of Gotham?

LUKE: Batcave, I need a direction asap!


Sophie! Coordinates!

Okay. Um, degrees north,

degrees west.

If we can't get it to the ocean,

we can at least get it to the city's

most desolate area.

MARY: It's working.

Now get out of there.

You inspired me to be a hero.

Thanks, Dad.

AI: I'm proud of you, son.

You and your team will save
a lot of lives tonight.

Now go save yours.

Batcave to Batwing, do you read?

Batwing, check in. Are you okay?

I'm here. I got out of there.

- Hello?
- Hey.

What are you doing out here?

Got split up from my mom.

I don't know where she went.

Okay. I'll help you find her.

Who are you anyway?

Call me Batwing.

How is he?

MARY: His vitals are stable.

Physically, he's okay,

but until he wakes up,

we won't know if the buzzer worked.

It's going to work.

WOMAN: ♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪

Thank you for finding a
way to make this happen.

I told you you could trust me.

Ryan... despite my mistakes,

you have exceeded my wildest dreams.

I can't change the past,

but maybe we can build
a different future.

WOMAN: ♪ Things are looking
up now, baby ♪

I'd like that.


WOMAN: ♪ Even when
the world is spinning... ♪


Baby, can you hear me?

WOMAN: ♪ And even though
I know we're fighting ♪

♪ Holding on, and just surviving ♪

Hi, Mom.

♪ You make it better, better, better ♪

♪ Better than this ♪

Hey, sis.

Nice to meet you for real.

♪ You make it better ♪

You have no idea.

How do you feel?

♪ And life is a mess ♪

♪ All of us are just trying to make it ♪

Like I need my little sister.

♪ We get so depressed ♪

♪ Reach all our limits ♪

♪ But I love you, and
there's no mistaking ♪

♪ That you make it
better, better, better ♪


♪ Better than that ♪

♪ Better, better, better ♪

♪ You make it better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're the best ♪

- ♪ Smile on me ♪
- _

Good for you, Beth.

WOMAN: ♪ You beautiful soul ♪

♪ Smile on, baby ♪

♪ Go on ♪

♪ The light you shine ♪

♪ Deserves to show ♪

♪ How far you've come ♪

SOPHIE: So what next?

Well, now that we've got Wayne back,

what's next is reclaiming this space

as in what is up with tacky-ass TV

covering my stained glass?

I mean... what's next for us?

Well, I thought we agreed
you were gonna buy me dinner.

WOMAN: ♪ You make it
better, better, better ♪

♪ Better than this
and better than that ♪

Brought the champs!

And we're interrupting.

This is gonna keep happening, isn't it?

- Probably.
- Probably.

Well, I for one am not gonna let

a slightly awkward
sensation get in the way

of our rare opportunity

to celebrate!

I'm actually glad you're all here.

I need your help getting this place

right again.

Starting with this.

WOMAN: ♪ Better, better, better ♪

That's better.

So do I want to know what
he did to our Batcave?

Doesn't Batwoman take a night off?

This is Gotham, home
of the infectious reptile teeth,

dudes in pig masks,

a k*ller vine causing
my bestie to get her baddie on.

If I have learned anything,

it is to be prepared
for everything at all times.

Are y'all with me?

We're with you, Batwoman.

Where else would we be?

Yeah. Oh. I thought we were drinking.

You know what? You're right.

I'm just...

I'll take it with.

Let's get to work.



This is Dana DeWitt live
from the toxic scene

that could've destroyed Gotham City

without the heroics of Batwoman.

The city has advised citizens
to stay away from the area

as they assess the hazardous
air quality caused

by the Joker's acid b*mb
that blanketed the neighbor...

Oh, my God. What is that?


DEWITT: Aah! Oh, my God!


Post Reply