01x02 - First Kiss

[bunniefuu]

Now, this is why it's great
we own a sandwich shop.

Everybody in the school caf
always bows down to this bad boy.

Are those mashed potatoes
on a sandwich?

On a bed of chicken strips
with a peanut-butter blanket.

- What'd you make?
- A sandwich, not a Dumpster.

Tuna fish on wheat.

Tuna fish on wheat?
That's gonna be our sandwich.

Do you know what our song is?

- Hey, there's my girlfriend.
- That sounds like a cute song.

Justin?

That's a nice-looking sandwich.
What do you call it?

- To the Max.
- Okay. I'll take one of those.

- Well...
- Sell it, dummy.

You can make another one.

That'll be $ .

- What?
- Okay, for senior citizens, $ .

Oh, I love your family's shop.

Have you ever thought of maybe
blacking out the windows

and painting the walls,
I don't know, black?

Yeah, I think you're gonna be easy
to shop for.

He's hanging out with that goth girl,
Morticia.

It's Miranda.
Look, Harper, as your best friend,

I'm gonna give it to you straight.
I think he really likes this girl.

Fine, but it's so totally obvious
that he's dating her

because she looks like me.

Yeah, you both have faces.

Max, you're gonna be late for school.
Come on, get out of here.

Bye, Dad. Bye, Mom.

Hey, excuse me.
Your son made me this sandwich.

Oh, I'm sorry. Look, he's only .

No, no, no. It's terrific.

I'm Jeff Malone, concessions manager
and backup announcer for Shea Stadium.

We're considering local delis to provide
the official sandwich

of the New York Mets,
Mets, Mets, Mets.

I think you should submit this sandwich
for consideration.

Theresa, honey.
This guy is from the New York Mets,

and he wants to consider us
for their official sandwich.

Which sandwich?

The one your son made. To the Max.

- That's not really...
- A bad idea.

That's not a bad idea at all.

To the Max
is one of our most popular creations.

- Just get Max to make one for us later.
- Okay.

Great. My sandwich associates from
the New York Mets, Mets, Mets, Mets,

and I will be by on Saturday
for judging.

Great. Let's go Mets, Mets, Mets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unbelievable.

I know. Your parents are so cool.

Come on, buddy,
just picture the sandwich in your mind.

Yeah, Maxy.
I've seen you make it before.

What do you start off with?

Yeah, I don't know.
I just throw stuff together.

Okay, let me think.

I started with liquorice.

Liquorice on a sandwich?

No, I ate some liquorice,
and then I started my sandwich.

- It had ham.
- Okay.

It had bologna, yogurt.

- Yogurt?
- Yogurt?

On a sandwich? That's disgusting.

That's the point.

I just can't remember.

What are we gonna do, Jerry?
The New York Mets, Mets, Mets

want the sandwich that Max made.

Well, maybe we can throw a bunch
of stuff together like he does,

Max can taste it, tell us what's missing,
until we find the right combination.

- What do you say, Max?
- Okay. Whatever it takes to help Dad.

That's the spirit, son.
Let's go. Come on, grab a bun.

- Weren't you scared?
- A little.

Rook to queen bishop is always a risk,
but that's just how I roll.

- Is your hand sweaty too?
- Yeah.

I have enormous glands.

I don't mind.

I don't get it. Justin's so full of life
and she's so full of Halloween.

I don't know, Harper, maybe
on Halloween, she'll dress up as you.

She could never pull this off.

I make a lot of my own clothes.

Oh, which reminds me,
I need some more egg cartons.

Is your hand still sweaty?

Yeah. But I like it.

So I'll see you tomorrow?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Tomorrow.

What...?

Shaking hands?

Were you saying goodbye
or closing a deal?

Why didn't you kiss her?

It's none of your business.

Look, Justin, you know a lot of stuff
about stuff people really don't care about,

which is great,
but I know about relationships.

I know how girls think.

So do I. They're right-brain dominant and
they have a slightly larger hypothalamus.

There you go again,
knowing stuff people don't care about.

Okay, okay. I'm saying
that I'd be open to suggestions.

Good, because Miranda
really wants you to kiss her.

I can tell because she brightens
from tragic to just gloomy

when she's around you.

- So?
- So if you don't do it soon,

she's gonna think
you're really not into her.

Then someone's gonna have to play
chess by themselves.

I already do that.

You ever think of this,
Miss Smarty-Pants?

Maybe I don't wanna kiss her.

Okay, I'll be spreading
that rumour around.

Look.

Okay, I know this is gonna be hard
to believe,

but I've never kissed a girl.

I find it hard to believe that you think
that I find that hard to believe.

Hey, I'm on it.

I thought if I picked a girl that I didn't like,
that it'd be less scary.

That's why I picked Miranda.

Now guess what?
I like her and I'm scared again.

All right, this is what we're gonna do.
First of all, take out $ .

- Why?
- I need $ . Second,

tomorrow, when you walk her to school,
take her by that scary, abandoned house.

Right, because she'll think I'm brave.

No, you'll get scared
and she'll comfort you.

- That's when you plant one on her.
- Okay, that's a great idea.

Thanks.
Do you have five ones for this ?

Great, because my was lonely.

Does anybody see anything?

Yeah, that little squiggly thing
in the back of your throat.

We are looking for someone
at Shea Stadium making our sandwich,

so we can see what's in our sandwich.

Now, concentrate.

If I go back in time
and look into a crystal ball,

will I see me looking
into this crystal ball?

Okay, that is not concentrating.

Now...

Now that was cool.

It's irreplaceable.

L... What am I gonna do?

I know.

Okay. Here, Justin, here.

Do this spell on the crystal ball.

When I had my powers,
it was a lifesaver.

Say, "Mcreary-timereary."

- Why?
- Just say it.

Oh, and do this:

Mcreary-timereary

Did we just go back in time?
I have got to learn that.

- Mcreary-time...
- Oh, no, no, no.

That spell is just for emergencies.

It rewinds time for a few seconds

to give wizards a chance to correct
a dire mistake.

No questions.

- You mean like a do-over spell?
- Yes.

But it's too dangerous.
Don't even think about it, all right?

It bends time and space,
and you're not ready for it.

No more questions.

Do people remember
there's been a do-over spell?

Only people in the magical world.

Regular people have déjà vu.
Stop asking questions.

So that's where déjà vu comes from.

- I said, no more questions.
- It wasn't a question.

Hey, I have one. What's déjà vu?

Well, it's when you feel
like something's happened before.

For example, Dad, do you have $ ?

- Why?
- Because I need $ .

Déjà vu, huh, Justin?

So how did the big first-kiss go?

It didn't happen.

Why not?

Because when I went to pick her up,
she didn't wanna go to a scary house.

She wanted to go
through some dark alley instead.

But a dark alley's even better
than a scary house.

But you said scary house.
I was totally focused on the scary house.

The point is she wanted you to kiss her.

Why didn't you take my advice?
Lots of people do.

I'm the one that told Vice Principal
Clements to fix his dead tooth.

Now he's getting married.

- Okay, I panicked.
- Panicked?

Well, now you gotta kiss her quick,
or else

all she'll think you guys will ever be
is just friends.

That's never gonna happen.
She's into me and I'm into her.

That could change in a hurry.
Plenty of other guys think she's pretty.

No way. Everyone around here knows
we're kind of going out.

- You know, people respect that.
- Oh, really?

- Well, let's see about that. Hey, Matt?
- Hey.

Miranda's pretty cute, right?

Yeah. You know, I got a note from her
in seventh grade, said she liked me.

Bet you she still does too want me.

That's too bad.
I hear she's going out with Justin.

- Who's Justin?
- I'm Justin.

So?

Okay. Thanks, Matt.

No, thank you for the heads up
on Miranda.

Yo, Miranda, wait up there a sec.

What did you just do?

I just proved that not only do I know girls,
but I also know guys.

No, you got Matt to ask out my girlfriend.

Wait, I can fix this.

Here's a cute girl. Kiss her.

This is my Spanish teacher.

I think I just told her
my name is Library.

Well, Mr. Library, you should check out
a book on kissing.

Thanks a lot.

Look, Justin, I'm really sorry,
but you have to admit,

Miss Gonzalez is
a young-looking teacher.

I don't care about Mrs. Gonzalez.

I care about how
my girlfriend's going to the movies

with a guy that my sister set her up with.

Will you relax? Lt'll all work out
because I know relationships.

You keep saying you know things
and you don't.

Hey, I was right about Miranda wanting
to kiss you,

and I was right about Matt thinking
she was pretty.

Okay, fine, you were right.
Feel better? Because I don't.

Look, Justin, the only thing
getting in the way here is you.

You know what, I know.

I've had a ton of chances
to kiss Miranda.

I'm just mad at you
because I'm mad at me.

You are? Yeah, you are.

And if Miranda's ready to kiss me,
you know what?

I should be ready to kiss her.
And it's not too late.

- Yeah, it's not too late.
- And this time, I'm gonna be ready.

What are you doing?

Starting my training montage.

It's close but this one
has too much teriyaki.

Honey, we didn't put any teriyaki on it.

Then it needs teriyaki.

This one has too much cheese,
this one needs barbecue sauce,

and this one tastes like armpit.
How do you even know that?

Wrestling.

Honey, calm down.
Max is doing the best he can.

Right, I know. Okay.

Buddy, I know you're trying
as hard as you can.

It's just, if we can become the official
sandwich of the New York Mets,

our life will be gravy.

That's what's missing, gravy.

Gravy? Then what are we doing
standing around talking about it?

Oh, come on, gravy. Come on, gravy.

Come on.

- That's it. To the Max.
- Yeah.

To the Max.

Tastes even better the second time.

So heard you're going out
with a guy named Justin.

- Right, Justin?
- I thought we were, but I don't know.

That's cool. Yeah, totally.

Do you play video games at all?
You know, with a v...?

- Do you know who makes video games?
- No.

Corporate America.
I hate corporate America.

I'm starting a school club about it.
We're looking for sponsors.

Hey, guys. Matt.

Hey, Matt, why don't you go
get us some popcorn?

Yeah, I'll buy. Here.

Twenty bucks? Thanks, dude.

I can go play some
"Nitro Burning Funny Cars." Oh, yeah.

Why are you here with him?
We're kind of going out.

I know we hold hands and stuff,
but you act like we're just friends.

- She was right.
- Who was right?

Me. I was so right.

I told him if he didn't kiss you soon,
you were gonna think

that he wasn't all that into you.
And that's what you were thinking, right?

Alex, what are you doing here?

Look, I felt bad, so I came down here
to make sure that you kiss her.

- You were gonna kiss me?
- Well, it's not a surprise now, is it?

Sorry. I'll be back here if you need me.

All right, just for that,
I'm leaving my cell phone on.

Oh, look at those lovebirds.
It's so great when things work out.

Harper. What are you doing here?

I'm not Harper. I'm just a theatre seat,

keeping an eye on my boyfriend.

You made an outfit
to match the theatre seats?

Don't be freaked out
if you can't see me.

It's time to go to work.

You were gonna kiss me?

Well, only if you wanted to kiss me.
Do you?

Or is me asking
totally ruining the moment?

Nope.

- I'll go left, you go right.
- Then we'll both be going the same way.

Oh, yeah. Let's both go left.

Justin, I'm a little nervous.

This is our first kiss.

Don't worry, I'll guide you through it.

Miranda, I'm so sorry.

I'll get some napkins.

Where are you going?
Why didn't you kiss her yet?

I spilled soda all over her.
She's never gonna kiss me now.

- Wait, do it over.
- What do you mean?

The spell that Dad used
on the crystal ball.

No way. Dad said
that's for emergency use only.

Because you don't know
I'm your girlfriend,

doesn't mean you can sneak around
behind my back.

How does that do-over spell
sound now?

- Like it should have already happened.
- Now we're talking.

Mcreary-timereary

Justin, I'm a little nervous.

This is our first kiss.

I know.

I mean, let me move this.

This is gonna be a long night.

Mcreary-timereary

And that's why it's called:

- To the Max.
- Right?

- Nothing like it in the city.
- Kind of a buffet on a bun.

What did I tell you?

Is this the sandwich
for the New York Mets, Mets, Mets, Mets

or what?

You're right. This is delicious.

Congratulations, Mr. And Mrs. Russo,

To the Max is now the official sandwich
of the New York...

And that's why it's called:

- To the Max.
- Right?

Dad, what just happened?

I don't know.

Good, but kind of familiar.

You're right. It's tasty, but familiar.

Familiar? It's a sandwich with popcorn.

And that's why it's called:

- To the Max.
- Right?

- Nothing really new here.
- You're right.

A better name would be Déjà Vu,

because somehow I feel like
I've tasted this before.

It's the do-over spell.

- I swear I'm not doing it.
- I know.

But I'm pretty sure I know who is.

Mcreary-timereary

Mcreary-timereary

Gross.

Justin, that's do-overs already.
What's wrong?

I'm nervous. I'll get it this time.

Okay, fine. Mcreary-time...

- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi.

So how's the sandwich-tasting go?

I don't know, it's still going on,
and on and on.

Dad, what are you doing here?

No, the question is,
what is Alex doing the do-over spell for?

I specifically told you never to use it.

Actually, it's my fault, Dad.
I'm here with Miranda and I'm...

He's trying to have his first kiss
and he just can't get it right.

First kiss?
I thought that happened years ago.

- I'll just take Miranda home.
- Wait, Justin.

- How many times did you use the spell?
- I don't know. Seventeen?

Well, I guess if you break a rule times,
an th doesn't make a difference.

Justin, you think you can get it right
if we do it over one more time?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Alex, do your magic.
- Thanks, Dad.

Mcreary-timereary

So I guess we're not the official sandwich
of the New York Mets, huh?

The last thing they said was,
after one bite, they were tired of eating it.

Isn't that weird?

Yeah, weird.

Justin got his first kiss.
Don't make a big deal.

Your first kiss?

Oh, my baby, you're growing up.

Come here, come here.
Let me give you your second one.

Mom.

Hey, how about you, Alex?
What was your first kiss like?

Oh, you know, like everyone else's.

You already had your first kiss
and I missed it?

Oh, tell me, tell me everything.

No, not everything. She's my little girl.

What's his name? I'll make him cry.

Jerry.

Tell us about it, honey.

It was at this place with this guy.

And it was very romantic.
Over Christmas vacation.

We went to see Grandma and Grandpa
over Christmas.

Hold on, she's lying.

You haven't kissed anyone.
I totally have this over you.

- No, you don't.
- You're right.

So when I go to school and tell everyone
you haven't kissed anyone,

no one will care.

Yeah.

Hey, Justin.

Now you've got nothing over me.