01x21 - Art Museum Piece

[bunniefuu]

Yo, happy-go-trashy, come back here.

Don't you see me sweeping?

What would your mother say
if she saw you do that, huh?

Mama would be mad.

That's right, Mama would be mad,
and so am I.

Now pick that up.

And that cup too.

Okay, thank you for eating
at Waverly Sub Station. Come again.

Hey, Alex.

You picked up the trash on the way here.
Just throw it in the can.

No, silly.
This is a necklace I designed for you.

A little something to say thanks
for being my best friend.

No, I'm not wearing that.

Why not?

Well, because it's so beautiful

and you should sell it.

Okay. That will be $ .

No.

I meant on Waverly Place,
like these guys.

Okay, and whatever we don't sell,
we can wear to school.

School? Okay.

Big jewellery sale this Saturday.
Please don't miss it.

Please. Happy-go-trashy.

Buy your mama something nice. No?

So you kids are telling the Babe
that hot dogs is bad for you?

What's a fella eat for breakfast?

Beef jerky and a bowl of syrup.

I call it beef jerky and a bowl of syrup.

Alex, put him back in the picture
before Dad gets here.

Oh, lighten up. If he was Obi-Wan Kenobi,
you'd be all into it.

Life-size Obi-Wan? I'll be right back.

Sit down.

Hi.

Alex, what did we say
about taking people out of pictures?

We say, "Yay, hooray,
Alex is so fun and creative."

Babe, always a pleasure.
I am a big fan.

Now put him back in the picture.

Fine.

Pictures with faces
Return to your place...

Oh, I don't know the rest.

You need to know the exact time
and place to finish the spell.

I need to know stuff?
Justin's department.

Yankee Stadium, .

You even make sports
not sound cool.

Pictures with faces
Return to your places

Yankee Stadium,

Okay.

Now, today's lesson is about making
an object pass through something solid.

Justin, say "go through, mow through"
on my hockey stick.

Okay.

Go through, mow through

Okay. Now my hockey stick is charmed.

Watch.

It tickles. Stop, stop.

Awesome. Let me try.

Alex.

Not the spleen. Not my spleen.

Miss Russo, we have a problem.
I'd like a word, please.

Sure, Miss Marinovich.
How about the word "lunch"?

I know it's one of my favourites.

You haven't signed up for Saturday's
art history field trip to the museum.

And if you don't go, you're gonna
have to repeat my class this summer.

And I'm begging you,

please don't make me teach a class
with just you in it.

Oh, believe me, summer school
is not part of my plans.

And neither is the museum.

I'm actually going
to a different art exhibit.

My friend Harper is making jewellery,
and we're selling it.

If you like macaroni and glitter,
I can get you some awesome earrings.

But the field trip is worth percent
of your grade.

Please, I'm on my knees. Don't fail.

I missed my math field trip
last Saturday.

So percent, is that a lot?

It's a lot.

Listen. I need you to watch Alex
and make sure I get my summer vacation.

I will see to it that she's
at the museum on Saturday.

Thank you.

When you said "she," I really hope
you didn't mean me, because:

He sees Russo.

Oh, I'm open. I'm open.

What are you gonna tell your mother?

All right. I know how to deal with this.

We'll mess up a bunch of other stuff
and say we were robbed.

What happened?

My lamp.

We were throwing the ball.

What happened to the robbery?

We didn't have time to mess stuff up.

How many times have I said, no throwing
the ball inside the house, guys?

- How many lamps have we broken?
- Three.

At least three times.

- We're sorry.
- Oh, not yet you're not.

After I get a massage and a pedicure

and whatever else I want that I don't need,
then you'll be sorry.

Man, this is bogus.

What's the point of having a foam football
if it still breaks stuff?

Exactly.

You know, someone should just come up
with a ball that could fly through stuff.

And I think that someone is us, huh?

I don't know why we're nodding.

Go through, mow through.

Oh, now I get why we're nodding.

Okay. That's enough nodding.

- Okay.
- Here.

Go through, mow through

All right, let's give it a try.
Hey, go out the door.

Here it comes.

Sweet. It works.

Okay. Pass it back.

I got it.

Yeah, it's just the football, Max.
Not you.

Hello, Miss Marinovich.

Mr. Kiss-Up-Ovich.

I'm here as you can plainly see.

No getting around the fact that I'm here.

Feel free to put a little check by my name
because I'm here.

Now, I'll be way over there
and you might not see me for a while,

because I'll be deep inside the museum,
soaking it all in.

I don't care what you soak in
as long as you pass my class

and we're not staring
at each other in summer school.

Because this is how I stare:

Go through, mow through

Okay, everyone, make sure
you get one of these handouts.

You have to fill it with historical facts.

It's worth percent of your grade.

Alex?

Alex?

Alex.

Oh, good, you're here.
Now we can open for business.

Harper, I don't think we need
to say homemade.

People will just know.

Wait a minute,
is this the knob from my dresser?

Oh, here comes our first customer.

Already? Oh, this will be easy.

Good morning, ma'am.

Morning. Can I take all this?

- All of it?
- Yeah, I'll take it all.

That'd be great.

Hey, Ralph. Bring the truck.

We got a load of trash over here.

What? No, this isn't trash.

It's fine jewellery.

Really?

Hey, Ralph.

Did you know we've been driving around
in a jewellery store?

Oh, good job, by the way, in there.

Next time, don't use red pen.
I use red pen when I grade.

That's kind of why I became
a teacher's assistant.

Hey, that was some great art.

Hard to pick a favourite.
It was all so great.

Save it, ditcher.

Ditcher?

Yeah. You ditched, I'm calling you
a ditcher. Got a problem?

There's only one tiny flaw
with your plan,

and it's called a worksheet.

A worksheet?

I'd hurry, because the museum closes
in like five minutes.

Five minutes.

Five minutes?
I wouldn't know this stuff in five hours.

But they might.

Frames with figures
Step out of your pictures

Okay. Gather around, people.

Gather around. Over here.

Why are you doing that?

He's The Scream.

Well, I got a new nickname for you.
It's Quiet Guy, okay?

All right,
I'm gonna skip the introductions,

because I gotta fill out this worksheet
and blast out of here.

So, which one of you is
the Dutch boy wearing a blue costume?

That would be me.

Oh, okay.

And the name of your painting is?

Blue Boy.

This is gonna be easy.

All right, Frowning Woman, Crazy Guy,
Guy With One Ear.

See that?

She's just going to use us.

And then send us right back

into those dingy, stiff, boring paintings
for who knows how many more centuries.

I say we take a vacation.

Wait. Fine, fine.

If you're not gonna help me
with my worksheet,

then you're just all going back
where you came from.

Go.

I'm done taking short-cuts.

I'm gonna do it the hard way.
I'm gonna copy off Nellie Rodriguez.

Pictures with faces
Return to your places...

Wait. I don't know where you're from.

Attention.
We will be closing in five minutes.

Okay, don't panic.

Go ahead, Scream, panic.

Come on, you guys.
We're locked in a museum.

Let's have a slumber party.

And, you know, get to know each other.

I'll tell you about myself
and you tell me about yourself.

For example, I'm Alex.

I was made in in New York City.
Where were you made?

You talk so much,
I'm glad my ear's gone.

Cheese it. Elaine's coming.

Who's Elaine?

She's the security guard
always shining her light in our eyes.

Hide.

Man, it's like her eyes follow you.

Okay, we are closed.
You know what that means.

Pull the plastic utensils out of the trash
and wash them?

Already done.

Now it's kick-off time.

I'm going long.

Nice one.

Now, you go long,
and by long, I mean up.

Oh, nice.

Hut, hut.

Oh, hi, Max.

No.

- What?
- Hey, Maxy.

Did you catch the...?

Flu?

I hear it's going around.

Gosh. It is?

Well, it's a good thing I made
my chicken posole soup, then.

Come on, it's done.

Did she see the ball?

No, it went into the soup.

Here you go, guys. Dig in.

How is it? It's my secret recipe.

Yep. There's a secret in there all right.

Hey, Harper. I see you're selling...

What are you selling?

Jewellery, silly.

Here, I even made a ring for you.

That's quite an unusual stone, Harper.

What kind is it?

It's not a stone. It's a peach pit.

Because I think you're peachy.

Right.

Hey, Alex.

What? You're locked in the museum?

The paintings? A security guard?

I should stop repeating
what you're saying?

Right, okay. On my way.

Yeah, so I just need a minute, sir,
to find my sweater.

You're not an art thief, are you?

No, sir, no art thief.
Just a teacher's assistant.

Alex? Alex, where are you?

Hey. What's going on?

What's up?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Alex, you have ruined some
of the greatest artwork in history.

Van Gogh, Blue Boy.

I'm sorry. Who are you again?

Oh, yeah, The Scream.

Hey, Quiet Guy, zip it.

Look, you just have
to send them back. Please.

But then you wouldn't learn anything.
You gotta do this yourself.

Justin, that could take all night.

It can't take that long,

because the security guard only gave me
five minutes to find my sweater.

Everybody, spread out.

We've got to find Justin's sweater.

That was delicious.
Did you guys like it?

Are you kidding? It was spectacular.

- Loved it.
- Oh, honey.

Yeah, we ate all of it.

All the way to the bottom.

And there's nothing else in there.

Absolutely nothing.

We ate the ball?

- It's...
- It wasn't spicy, honey.

I know. Well, you...

Do you think we're gonna be okay?

We're in no way okay.

If we eat the spell, we get the spell.

- Jerry?
- We can explain.

We were robbed.

We put a spell on the ball

so we could throw it through stuff
without breaking anything.

And it flew into the soup,
and we ate the soup,

and that is why you're standing
in the middle of the island.

You know, this is kind of fun.

So you're not mad?

Well, not in like
an l-wanna-yell-at-you way.

In like an l-wanna-chase-you
kind of way.

Run.

Pictures with faces
Return to your places

Wait a minute.
Are those shoes too small?

I know.
I hate shoes that make me wanna scream.

Now you're ready to go.

Pictures with faces
Return to your places

Oslo, Norway,

Okay.

That leaves us with the Mona Lisa.

Okay.

The Mona Lisa,
and she was painted by Leonardo...

Di Caprio.

Da Vinci. Da Vinci.

I'll do it.

Time to go home, Mona Lisa.

Pictures with faces
Return to your places

- Italian Renaissance, ...
- No, wait.

Please don't send me back. Please.

But you have to go back. You're one
of the greatest art treasures in history.

Well, it doesn't feel like it.

My entire life, all I ever heard
anyone say about me is:

"Why did Da Vinci paint her?
She's so plain.

You call that a smile?"

Well, you're gonna love
these earrings, Elaine.

They're strung from a string

that once held together
a delicious roast beef.

You find your sweater yet,
teacher's assistant?

No, not yet.

Well, you got two minutes,
or you're going home chilly.

There you are, Alex.

Good thing Justin repeated
everything you said on the phone.

Oh, hello. I'm Harper.

Oh, hi. Mona Lisa.

Do I know you? You look really familiar.

She's not from here.

She's from Italy. Florence, I think.

Very good.

Harper, that is the most beautiful
necklace I have ever seen.

It is?

It is.

And it really brings out your smile.

That is a smile, right?

Yes.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Sending her back happy.

Harper, why don't you show Mona
the matching earrings?

Oh, yeah. You'll love them.

Pictures with faces
Return to your places

Italian Renaissance,

Here they are.

Where did Mona go?

She was so excited
about the necklace

that she wanted
to go show her friend Leo.

She owes me $ for that.

What? A necklace on Mona Lisa?

No, no, no.
That is not what Da Vinci intended.

Relax. She looks great.

And that's almost a smile.

You put a $ necklace
on a $ million painting.

Well, now it's worth million
and dollars.

Justin, just say it's cool.

It's cool.

And I'm...

I'm sorry that I make fun of you
for knowing stuff.

You're apologising?

Will you say that tomorrow at school
in front of my friends?

- No.
- Didn't think so.

Good. You're home.

Sit down.

Look, I can explain.
I'm having a little trouble in art history.

Yeah, what else is new? Sit.

Now, what you're about to see
I normally don't condone,

but it's a heck of a lot of fun.

Okay, kids. Watch this.

I guess we found out
how long the spell lasts.

I hate living with wizards.