01x07 - Northern Exposure

[bunniefuu]

Previously on
Brothers and Sisters:

This is the first date
I've had in years.

I hope there isn't a misunderstanding.
We've had lunch times

- and I didn't think this was different.
- What are you doing here?

Oh, hello, Kitty.

I ended an engagement only to find out
that you're dating Malibu Barbie.

Dad sold a million dollars worth
of stock back to the company.

Ojai paid million dollars for it.
Fifteen million dollars we can't find.

The trail stops at a password
between five and eight characters long.

- Is that your daughter?
- Her name's Becky.

- Becky!
- You're sterile.

Having children with you
would make me the happiest woman,

but I don't care how we have them.

But I don't care how we have them.

You can't dispute
global warming. It's a fact.

You want to talk facts.
Here's an inconvenient truth:

In Africa, , children
die every day from malaria.

What can save them? DDT.
The environmentalists,

they don't want to lift the ban because
it might thin the shells of birds' eggs.

Excuse me, while I go
and projectile vomit on Al Gore.

Looks like that will be
the last word for tonight.

Until next time,
from Red, White & Blue,

good night and stay safe.

- And we're out.
- "Stay safe?"

Trying a new sign-off.
Asked for suggestions on my blog.

Our average viewer
is a -year-old white guy

who makes $ , a year. What does
he need to stay safe from? UVB rays?

Great show.
Here's the research for your interview

with the French ambassador.
French didn't invent fries.

Pomme frites originated in Belgium.
We don't call them Belgian Fries.

- Weird, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.

But you know that this is a
political show and not a cooking show?

And just to be safe I included the most
recent GNP data from the European Union.

In case you want to ask about trends
in the French economy,

how that affects young Muslims.

Amber, you truly
are a study in contradictions.

So I got you, me and a bunch of my
friends on the list at the Irony Club.

Thursday is body glitter night.
It's gonna be a scene.

- Great.
- I promise you'll love it.

This is gonna
be even better than J.T.

Bye.

You know, I...

I think they have some glitter in one of
the storage spaces left from Christmas.

Don't start. I can't defend myself.
She is so enthusiastic about everything.

It's exhausting.

She's adorable and she's
utterly refreshing. Who's J. T?

Justin Timberlake.

Kitty, let's go someplace together.

This weekend.

I don't care where. Someplace where
there's no blue chair, no red chair.

Just... just us.

So we can see if this,

what we thought we had, could work.

You know, you have the worst timing
of anybody I have ever met in my life.

Stop grinning at me like that!

The sale only includes the orchards,
outbuildings and operational equipment.

We want the ranch house and the acreage
as well. All in, our offer's nine-three.

Give us the weekend to think it through.

- It's a fair offer.
- We'll see.

I didn't know you put
the ranch house in play.

I didn't. When one's father
embezzles million dollars

of his company's pension,
one can't afford to be sentimental.

OK. Even if we include
the sale of the ranch house,

it leaves us three million short.

Let's not jump the g*n right
when we managed to find out

- where Dad put the money.
- Finding protected accounts

is not the same thing
as finding the money.

Particularly when
we can't crack the password.

What were you thinking?

Might be fun
to keep us out of bankruptcy.

But the ranch?
Why not sell our childhoods?

They're not worth nine million.

Well, they were before you have to net
out expenses on things like therapy.

Why are you glaring at me?
She said something too.

- You're quiet.
- She's prez.

Of the company. Look,
the ranch house is part of the family.

My first memory is of Dad
reading me a story up there.

I learned to ride a bike up there.
Among other things.

Remember how the air
used to smell at night?

- Yeah.
- In the fall.

- The mesquite and the charcoal.
- Come on, guys. We're not the Waltons.

Nobody even used
the ranch house last year.

I think we should
trust Sarah's judgment.

If she determined that we should sell
the ranch, we should sell the ranch.

- Thank you, Mom.
- Call an exorcist. Mom's possessed.

We could go up there this weekend,
box up all the stuff we want to keep,

make it a family outing. We could play
running charades the way we used to.

The boys could sleep in the bunks
and try to scare the girls at night.

I would love to, Mom.

But I have to stay back
and crunch the numbers on the deal.

- I have to help her.
- Me too. I've got...

- Yeah, I'm crunching.
- I'm crunching.

- Want more wine?
- Yeah!

What I remember about Ojai
were the boys.

And the sunsets.

And this old chair on the porch
where I read Jane Eyre.

Oh, and I lost my virginity there too.

You never told me that.

Yeah.

Tucker Booth.

Tall, blue-eyed, blond hair.
Very hot day in the tree house.

OK, don't need to hear more of that.

You know what we
should do this weekend?

No. No, we can't go to Ojai.

Come on, let's go.
No one will be there.

I'd like to, uh,
check out the tree house.

Put my stamp on it.

You think you
can last longer than he did?

I lost my virginity in Ojai. Both times.

First to this girl called Sarah Gimble.

And second, one summer later
to this guy, this total stud.

Everyone in Ojai
was in love with him.

- What was his name?
- Tucker Booth.

Really tall
with this bleached blond hair.

I lured him into this
tree house Tommy and I had built.

- Know what we should do?
- Google Tucker Booth?

No, we should go up there this weekend.

The thought of not seeing
the place breaks my heart.

- You had work.
- I can do it there.

- And I want to see the orchards.
- I want to see the tree house.

- Why would I want to go to Ojai?
- It's so cool up there,

you have no idea. We would
have the whole place to ourselves.

Look, the house has this huge fireplace.

At night it gets so dark,
you can actually see the stars.

There's this really
fantastic tree house,

where I got high for the first time
with Tucker Booth.

Come on, I'm freaking out
just thinking about this. Come!

I'm not going away with you, Justin.

We just started dating
and I'm a good Catholic girl.

OK, I've been
with enough Catholic girls to know

the expression "good Catholic girl"
is an oxymoron.

When do you know
what "oxymoron" means?

I'm full of surprises and maybe
if you come to Ojai, I can sh...

I'll take that as a yes!
We're going to have so much fun.

The network's been beating me up about
our to demographic numbers,

so I need each of you to turn in five
story ideas that appeal to the youth.

Kitty, your interview with Jean Claude
Frenchy French is this weekend.

We should get out of the studio.

Uh, yeah, Whit.
About that interview, um...

I... I'm really sorry,
but I can't do it.

A conflict. Something just came up.

- All right, Warren, you take it.
- I can't.

I've got Vegas this weekend
with college buddies.

- Jack, you're up.
- Oh, sorry, I can't.

- I'm taking my mom to the circus.
- Oh, come on.

What? She's been looking
forward to it for months.

- I could do it.
- That's OK, Amber.

No, no, wait a minute!
Whit, that is a great idea.

Give her a chance.
She's got a degree in journalism,

she compiled all the research,
she knows everything I know.

You said that you wanted
to appeal to the youth.

What could be more youthful
and appealing than Amber?

OK. But I want you to rehearse
with her before you go.

And if she screws up, I'm gonna run
seven minutes of your blooper reel.

That's it, everybody.

Kitty, I am so grateful
for your confidence in me.

I won't let you down, I promise.

No, you know, I know you're
gonna be great. Knock them dead.

You are the best mentor I've ever had.

- Oh. Right.
- I better go study.

- So it's a weekend.
- On two conditions:

One, you tell Amber
exactly what is going on,

and two, if this doesn't work out,
you will stop, once and for all,

with your midday
afternoon love confessions.

- So it's a yes?
- It's a yes.

Well, great. Great. Where do you
want to go? San Diego? Laguna?

You know, actually,
I have a... a great place.

David, excuse me, I don't want to
interrupt, but could I ask you a favor?

Only if appletinis are involved again.

Ha Ha. Funny, really funny.
No, it doesn't.

Um...

Could I borrow your truck?
I've decided to go to Ojai today.

We're selling the house.
William's gone.

There's so much I want to keep,

like this big oak panel where we marked
all the kids' heights growing up.

Tell you what. Let me drive you.
You shouldn't be tearing down paneling.

No, no, no. I would not ask you to drop
whatever it is you're doing today. No.

I'm three weeks behind.
One day's not gonna make a difference.

That's why contractors
never finish anything on time.

That is why. Now let me drive you.

All right, but it's just an errand.

One friend doing another friend a favor.
Platonic, totally and utterly platonic.

- I buy everything, I'll pay for gas...
- Nora, I want to drive you.

Please, let me drive you.

Fine. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Lot has had three
confirmed pregnancies.

He's a fertility clinic's dream.
Straight brown hair. College graduate.

Amazing he has any sperm left to donate.

We're not really supposed
to have favorites,

but this one is very popular.

He's got a great sense of humor.

And he's of Irish and Jewish descent,
just like you, Mr. Walker.

Plus, he's an Ivy League grad.
Phi Beta Kappa.

You know what?
Could you excuse us for a minute?

No problem. You guys take as long as
you need. I'll be right down the hall.

Thank you.

Are you all right?

I know the idea is to find
a donor like me, you know?

Same color hair and eyes.

But when I think about that guy's sperm
in your body, I want to strangle him.

Let's go home.

I'm sorry. Look, you know what?

We should go out of town. All this stuff
is just, it's freaking us out.

We'll go up to the ranch,
you and me, and just relax.

OK.

I can't get into the account.
I've tried everything.

The high school mascot, a word or phrase
from a postcard that he kept.

Sounds mind-numbing.

I've been over everything
to try and figure it out.

What's this?

Jordan asked for a list
of your father's friends.

- You've tried every one of these?
- Every name.

In reverse,
with birthdays, without birthdays,

with birthdays in reverse.
I'll keep on it.

- Thanks, Jordan.
- Call me if any new ideas occur.

Thank you.

What about Holly Harper,
did you write her name down?

Of course.
This isn't a time for discretion.

Have you talked to her, Saul?
Maybe she knows a name we don't.

Yeah.

Well, actually, I have been trying
to think of a way to bring it up.

It's tricky.

Yeah, well, Joe and I are sneaking up
to the ranch house this weekend.

I'll look around
and maybe I'll find something.

OK.

Who's Rebecca?

You wrote down Rebecca.

She was your father's
first high school crush, I think.

You think, or you know?

Well, as far as I can recall,

he referred to her with great affection

when he learned that she died
a few years ago.

Oh.

Unfortunately,
I don't remember her birthday.

- Have a good time at the ranch.
- Oh, we will.

I love that place.
It's a little slice of heaven.

I know.

Aaah! Ah!

Oh, my! I'm drenched!

Oh, God, Nora, this place is beautiful.

Yeah. A lot of good times here.

A lot of ghosts too.
Good ones, though.

Here.

Here it is.

Oh, my panel!

I can see why you want to save this.

Yeah. It was
a yearly ritual every summer.

Justin would always cheat
and stand on his tiptoes.

He was always an inch shorter
than whatever it said up there.

You're dripping wet.

Well, so are you,
if you hadn't noticed.

Yeah.

I, um...

We could throw our clothes in the dryer.

Well, I don't mean to be picky,

but what are we going
to wear in the meantime?

Well, tell you what.

You could go into the bedroom,
take your clothes off.

I'll put them in the dryer.
You just wait in there.

How long do you think
it's gonna take?

You're kind of impatient.
I barely got my shirt off.

- No, to remove the panel.
- Oh, I don't know.

Shouldn't take long.
You shouldn't worry about it, anyway.

I don't think we should be
on the road right now.

You know, I've got some canned goods
in the storm cellar.

Maybe even a bottle of wine.

We could make a picnic out of it.

You can't believe what great things
I can do with a can of soup.

I'd expect nothing less.

This sucks about the weather.

It's gonna ruin our walks
to the groves.

That's OK. I was planning
on strictly indoor activities anyway.

Oh, well, listen up, city boy.

I am going to teach you
the joys of the...

- Mom!
- Kitty?

- Mom!
- Kitty!

- What are you doing?
- What are you?

I... You told me that you weren't coming
until the middle of the week!

- You said you weren't coming at all!
- Look, Nora, I found a robe.

Uh-oh.

Well, it looks like you guys
had the same idea we did.

- I'm Warren, by the way.
- I'm David, Nora's contractor.

Of course you are.

- Don't you have a robe or something?
- Mother. Mother! Mother!

- What?
- When I packed,

I didn't realize I was walking
into Caligula's bathhouse.

- Well, what did you pack for?
- I packed for work.

Warren and I are, you know,

we're preparing
for a very big interview.

Is that the euphemism of choice?

You're trying to divert the attention
because Dave came here

to remodel you.

I...

- Oh, my God. Who is it?
- It's Kevin and Scotty.

We'll never hear the end.
Do something.

- What do you want me to do?
- You're the journalist, lie!

I came up here to work.

With a bag full of silky things and no
laptop and no papers and no pencils.

Mom!

- Hi.
- Hey, guys, hi!

- Hi!
- Surprise!

Good. I thought you
were coming next week.

- Changed my mind.
- Woman's prerogative.

- It is.
- Is that Dave's truck out there?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, of course it is.

- He came to remodel some things.
- We're packing some boxes.

- Are you cold, Mom?
- Sure. It's freezing.

- I'm kind of cold.
- The blanket's on, she's all right.

- Whose hybrid is that?
- Well, that's Warren's.

Because, well, see what happened is

we're preparing this big interview
and then Warren decided

to come up to bring me
some very big papers and stuff.

- It's so great of him.
- That's really nice of him.

- Did he bring Amber?
- You know...

Oh.

- Jesus, Joseph and Mary.
- I don't believe it.

- Who is it?
- It's the rest of the family, honey.

- Holy crap!
- No kidding.

- Run this by me one more time.
- Is it really all that complicated?

Mom wanted to say goodbye to the place,
I wanted to help and...

Dave offered to donate his truck
while Warren came up to...

Deliver tape on Israel... for a piece
that we're doing on the show this week.

- Where does Amber fit into this?
- Mm. Amber is working.

We haven't heard why you
married couples changed your minds.

- We wanted to be alone.
- Time alone.

So then there you have it.
And the roads are like rivers,

so we're here for the duration,
but luckily we have just enough beds.

- Oh, no.
- There were enough beds.

You guys are so lame.

- Good morning, everyone.
- Good morning.

Does anyone want to confess to being
the one who snores like a freight train?

- Kevin, I'm looking at you.
- It was Kitty.

- I do not snore.
- Yeah, you do. You always did.

You just don't know it.

Warren and Scotty and I
slept like babies.

- Morning.
- Wow. We didn't pack clothes?

Yeah, well, I didn't plan
on needing any this weekend, buzzkill.

- Morning.
- Morning.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- It's like a frat house in here.
- Like old times, isn't it?

Hey, Kev,
you want to start up the old tractor?

- Could you run me over with it?
- We got to clear up brush

so we can play football.

I hate clearing brush
almost as much as I hate football.

- I'll do it.
- Come on, Kev. It'll be fun.

Bro, I said I'll do it.

I asked Kevin.

Let me just get my shoes.

You shouldn't
be so hard on Justin, Tommy.

He's been good lately.
I don't know.

What you think you're accomplishing,
I don't think you are.

What're we doing here, anyway?

It's the battery.
Yeah, look, it's all rusted.

Can you hand me a screwdriver?
You know what a screwdriver looks like?

Orange and comes
in a glass filled with ice.

That thing. Don't be a wussy.
Come on, you got it.

Come here.

Wow, just like I remember it.

- Doesn't seem too sturdy.
- It's totally safe. See?

Please don't do that.

God, if these walls could talk.
That's all I'm gonna say.

- What's that?
- Uh, it's a joint.

- A jay, also known as a doobie.
- I know what a joint is.

- What're you doing with it?
- For old time's sake.

Gee, that's nostalgic. Let's relive
what a loser you were when you were .

I was not a loser.

You b*tch that's
what your family thinks.

- I don't care what my family thinks.
- It's all you care about.

I'm trying to figure out why I'm not mad
when you talk like that.

Because it's nice when someone
tells you the truth.

Really?

You look amazing.

I appreciate you doing this.
This thing is so precious to me.

Of course it is.
I'll pack it up in my truck

and drop it off at your house
on the way home.

- Aren't you gonna stay?
- I wasn't planning.

You can't drive home
on an empty stomach.

And besides that, it's gonna
be an absolutely sensational meal.

- Then I'd love to.
- Really?

All you had to do was ask.

Careful, do it...
A little slower on that one.

- Don't you having cooking?
- I'd rather watch.

I know you would.

I got to say, your family seems pretty
much to the left of the salad fork.

- How'd they go wrong with you?
- Oh, by being perfect, I guess.

Well, at least appearing that way.

Wedded bliss for my parents, songs
around the piano during the holidays,

touch football in the summertime.

The paradigmatic
American nuclear family.

So, I don't know,
I guess when I discovered politics,

I decided I wanted to support the party
that stood for those values.

Home. Family.

America.

What?

It's just that you are the least cynical
Republican I think I've ever met.

Well, that's because you just
haven't met enough Republicans.

One's enough.

So was Amber upset when you told her
that you were coming up here with me?

Well, not at all. She was too excited
about that interview to care.

That's good.

I think you're looking
for a needle in a haystack, hon.

You're right.
I wish I could just ask him.

Maybe we should hire a medium
instead of a forensic accountant.

Ah! I can't get over how much
you look like Paige when you were a kid.

I know.

- Who's this?
- Kitty? No.

Wait, I don't know.
It's Tommy. Yeah?

- Your dad's car?
- Yeah.

Yeah, he got that car in, like, ' .

So I guess it's Justin.

I was in high school in ' .

I wish I'd known you in high school.

You must have been hot.

I know you really wanted
to christen the tree house, but...

...attic sex is much better
than tree house sex.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, look on the bright side. Now we
don't have to clear the pasture,

or, better yet, play touch football.

Oh, what?

I don't know. Just, this place
makes me miss Dad even more.

You know, he wasn't
exactly who we thought he was.

But growing up, I wanted to be
just like him. A father just like him.

But recently I found out
that's not gonna happen.

Julia and I have
been trying to get pregnant.

We can't.

It's my fault. I'm sterile.

Oh, man. I am so sorry.

We went to one of those sperm banks.
But I'm just not into it.

They're like real estate brokers.

I can get you an adoption lawyer.

No! I don't want to do that.
It doesn't feel right.

I want my kid to be a part of me,
a part of us, you know?

But, you know, a lot of people come
around to the idea of adoption...

Kevin...

Look, this is really...
hard for me to say.

But... we want to use your sperm
to get Julia pregnant.

We're OK.

I hope that you were respectful.
I mean, that is really delicate.

I could barely form words.
I managed to let him down gently.

- You said no? Why?
- You didn't!

- Shut up!
- You said no?

Are you being serious?
What did you expect?

Hello. Hey.

How could you not want
to help Julia and Tommy?

Take a minute and think through.

This does not fall within
the parameters of normal brotherly duty.

When is this a normal family?

Having eaten a few meals with you people
I have to agree with Sarah.

I'm starting
to regret that I ever told you.

Yeah, so am I, Kevin.
This isn't like you.

Don't you find it the teeniest
bit odd that you, a g*y man,

are suddenly embracing
the idea of "normal"?

For once,
I would like to have an opinion

without you
connecting it to my sexuality.

Slow down, Amber. It's OK.
You can do this.

- You're great.
- I'm having a panic attack.

I don't know what it feels like,

- but I think it feels like this...
- Amber.

Take a breath.
You're gonna be fine.

I just don't want
to come off like a stupid blonde.

Let him underestimate you,
work it to your advantage.

If he gives you that kind of pat,
pre-scripted answer to a question,

you just sit there,
you don't say anything.

He'll jump in to fill the silence.
That's when you'll get him to reveal.

You're, like, a total genius.

- Thank you so much, Kitty.
- You're welcome.

- Can you do me a favor?
- Sure.

Can you not mention this to Warren
when he gets back from Vegas?

I know it's silly, but I think we have
a really good thing going between us

and I kind of want to impress him.

I want him to think I'm smart.
You know, like you.

- Sure. Absolutely.
- Thanks.

And good luck.

Hey. I've been thinking,
this may be my only chance in life

- for a literal roll in the hay.
- You lied.

You told me that you ended it,
but you didn't. She just called me.

I'm sorry, OK?
I was going to, I went to do it.

She was over the moon
about that interview...

Why didn't you just tell me that?
Why did you have to lie about it?

You've been lying
since we walked in the door.

I'm not gonna be sneaking around
behind the back of a -year-old girl.

And I really hate it. I hate it
that you put me in that position.

I told you they'd exhaust themselves
and they have.

Hey, Justin. This is for you.
What did I tell you? That is you, right?

I don't know.
You ever make me wear a bonnet?

That's got to be you.
Tommy was four when Dad got that car.

Don't remember having a squished face.
Maybe one of you dropped me.

Maybe you fell out
of a tree house naked.

Yeah, the attic was taken.

- Joe!
- Justin, this isn't you.

I don't know who it is.
Some neighbor kid.

You know what, maybe it's that boy,
what was his name?

Tucker Booth.

What?

Julia, honey, are you all right?

Hey, sweetie. Let me take this.

- Are you happy now?
- Excuse me?

- You heard me.
- Stop it.

- What are you fighting about?
- We're not.

I just think you're being selfish.

- Kevin! I can't believe you!
- I didn't bring this up.

She did, OK?

Tommy, you have no reason to feel weird.
He's the one who should feel bad.

- Who should feel bad?
- Oh, God, Tommy!

You asked him, didn't you?

You asked Kevin for his sperm
and didn't tell me?

This is really wonderful pasta, Nora.

Honey, I'm sorry, OK?
I shouldn't have done it.

- I wanted it to be a surprise.
- Tommy, what the hell is going on?

Is there something special
about Kevin's sperm I'm unaware of?

I'm sterile, Mom.

I can't have kids.

Oh, Tommy! Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

He asked Kevin to... help,

but he doesn't want to.

It's not that I don't want to help...

It's his role to save
the traditional American family,

which is strange,
since he's with his boyfriend.

Do you have any opinions?
I could use some help here.

You know, Kevin, I'm sorry,

but I don't necessarily agree
with your views.

You are a conservative. What
about all the family values you spew?

The last time I looked,
Kevin, we're a family.

I'm sorry. I don't think anyone
is thinking about this kid but me.

I'm a lawyer. I see this kind of thing
every day, how it blows up in your face.

Plus, we can't
keep secrets in this family.

How long would it be until his friends
find out his biological dad

is actually his g*y uncle?

You sound like you're channeling
Jerry Falwell on Sunday morning.

I know you don't agree with him.
You're more evolved than that.

- I don't.
- Scotty, please!

This is my family. If you're
not gonna support me, shut up!

- I'm sorry.
- May I be excused from the table?

- Yes.
- Can I come?

- Me too.
- And me.

- I'm gonna...
- Grab the wine.

We'll need more of that.

Of all the madness

I have ever witnessed from you,
this takes the cake.

Tommy, I am so sorry.

I know how much it means to you
to be a father.

And Kevin, if you don't want to
help your brother, that's your business.

It's not like you're asking him
to borrow his car.

- But, Mom, it's not...
- You have no place to judge. No!

I would have expected it from Kitty,
not from...

- Thanks, Mother.
- I'm sorry.

- I'll help you, Tommy.
- I don't want your help.

What is your problem, dude?
What did I ever do to you?

It's what you've done to yourself!

If your brother wants to give you
his sperm, I don't understand...

- I didn't ask him, Mom!
- Yeah. Because he's straight!

You don't think
I'm going to have kids.

You think I asked you
because you're g*y?

- Yes!
- You can have as many kids as you want!

Look, I'm the one who can't.

Well, I'm sorry that the weekend
didn't work out the way we planned.

You know, the truth is, I shouldn't
have said yes to begin with.

Maybe. Or maybe the truth is,

if we were supposed to have happened,
we would have.

Yeah.

Scotty, please! Look, this is...

This is not...
Come on, don't be like this!

You're not only telling me what
I should say, how I should be too?

That's not what...
Could we please talk about this?

Warren's offered me a ride. If you want
to talk, we'll talk back in LA.

Come on, please, would you... Can we...

Oh, well.

Well, I think I've succeeded
in making everyone mad at me.

I'm not mad at you.

I can't believe you, of all people,
don't think this is weird.

You know, Kev...

...what Julia and Tommy want

is the essence of family values.

If I think that and I'm a conservative,
where the hell are you coming from?

You know, I don't talk a lot about what
it was like for me growing up g*y.

But it wasn't easy.

Yeah, you know,
I was surrounded by all you guys,

this whole family, but...
I still felt completely alone.

I said no to Tommy 'cause I don't want
to bring a kid into this world

that would feel...
different or ashamed.

I didn't want him
to go through what I did.

Whether it's your kid
or whether it's Tommy's kid,

it's still gonna be a Walker.

And yeah, you know, you're right,

we can't tell him not to feel ashamed
or not to feel scared of who he is.

But... you know, we can do our best

to try and convince the next generation
that they're perfect.

Exactly as they are.

And if anybody
has anything different to say,

then there's gonna be a whole clan

of really pissed-off people
coming after them.

- I got three. You only got two.
- Yeah, but I hit the bar twice.

That's true.

Aha.

Good eye, sis.

This whole thing has been pushing
buttons in me I didn't even know I had.

I feel horrible.

Why do you keep saying that?
It's not your fault.

It's happening because of me.

I wanted to make it right.
I wanted to say,

"I solved it, I made it better. "
I wanted to at least do that much.

Babe.

If you even knew half
of what I thought of you,

you'd be the proudest man alive.

OK?

Can I talk to you guys for a second?

Actually, I'm kind of hungry.

I didn't really eat.

- Love you.
- I love you too.

Don't worry, I'm not here to bore you
with my "getting it together" stories

and I didn't offer to help tonight
just to piss you off more.

Justin, I'm not pissed off,
I'm just disappointed.

I'm sorry, but I've given up trying
to figure out you and your problems.

Look, Tommy,
I need you to understand me, OK?

Look, one night my last month
in Afghanistan, another medic,

this guy Doug, and me,
went out with a squad of Rangers.

I followed a platoon
into the enemy's position

to see if there was anybody alive.

Anyway, we went into this, uh...

...this bunker or this cave,

and there was all these bodies.

And they were all dead,
except for this one guy,

who, two minutes ago,
was trying to k*ll me.

His eyes were just staring at me.

Not mean, though. Just, like...

Just, like, "Help me".

I was staring right at him and, uh...

I didn't do anything.

I let him die, Tommy. I mean, he was
a human being and I just let him die.

So I don't want to do this for you.

I want to do this for me.

I owe a life.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Seems like I'm always
apologizing for my family.

- You have nothing to apologize for.
- Oh, please.

If they're not falling out of trees then
they're k*lling each other over sperm.

It sure beats my family.
We barely even talk to each other.

Were you married? I never even asked.

For ten years.

Some things aren't meant to be.

Am I... crazy, or?

No.

You're not crazy.

I'm shaking.

We should go, Mom. Dave's waiting.

I don't know how the three of us

are gonna fit in that truck
with everything,

so I'll sit in the middle.
Give you more leg room.

You know, Mom, if you really want to sit
next to Dave, you should just say so.

All right.
I want to sit next to David.

OK, let's go.

Goodbye, house.

I hope whoever buys it
appreciates how special it is.

I don't know. I think its charms might
be lost on anybody who didn't grow up

spending their summers here.

Well, it sure is beautiful to me.

- Justin was conceived here.
- Really?

That's more information
than I could usually handle,

but I guess since we've been talking
about sperm all weekend, um, it's OK.

I was hoping it would be lucky
for Tommy and Julia too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait.

What are you doing?

We are going to leave
one last mark on this old house.

- Don't be silly. No.
- Stand up straight.

- Come on!
- What?

Feet all the way in. If anybody
is gonna leave a mark in this house,

- it is going to be you, Nora Walker.
- OK.

Wow.

Look how much you've grown.

We couldn't figure out who that was.

What's up?
You look like you just saw a ghost.

Do you know who that is?

Saul? Who is that?

Saul, did Dad?

Did Dad and Holly?

Holly never made claims
for child support.

And your father certainly never breathed
a word about having a child with Holly.

Does Holly have a child?

Yes. Holly has a daughter.

I don't think anyone's interest is
served by speculation about paternity.

Oh, I don't think it's idle.

What's her name?

Saul, what's Holly's daughter's name?

Rebecca.

Damn.

How did everything go?

- It was fine. Thank you, ma'am.
- And you?

Fine, thank you. I appreciate
your support for g*y cinema.

We aim to please. Now if you
could all just fill out these forms.

And we'll never know
which one of them it is?

That's the plan. Good luck.

- It was very nice meeting all of you.
- Thank you.

OK, I can't live with the fact
she knew what I was doing.

Almost as bad as the time
Mom walked in...

- Whoa! Whoa!
- Sorry.

- She's looking at me.
- Fill out your form.

This anonymity thing is a joke. If the
kid's well dressed and witty, it's mine.

You don't stand a chance.
My dudes have been to w*r.

And stoned for the last ten years.
Mine are effective.

Enough sperm talk
for the rest of my life.

I got time to k*ll.
You want to grab a bite?

- Why not?
- You're not going to ask for a kidney?

I wouldn't touch your kidney
with a ten-foot pole.