01x12 - Sexual Politics

[bunniefuu]

Previously on
Brothers and Sisters:

I thought it might be nice

- if people brought their dogs to work.
- Nice.

- I sent an e-mail.
- What?!

- Come to Santa Barbara.
- I don't date potential employers.

You'll have lunch
and a professional conversation.

If you consider that a date,
your social life must be lame.

- It is.
- We're having a baby.

I am trying to be a good mother.
That's what he wants here.

- He has a mother.
- But she's not here, and I am.

- Why are you leaving?
- I've had some bad ideas in my life,

but thinking I could work here and share
an office with you is one of the worst.

How you doing?
No, I work here now. I'm not kidding.

Hey, stud.

Hey! Whoa. Blind stud.
I got soap in my eye.

Sorry, but what you did back there?

It was incredible.

Sure it was me and not the hormones?

Oh, it was you, all right.

Well, I do aim to please.

Good. Because I'm
nowhere near finished with you.

I barely left the house most Sundays.

My mom would cook elaborate dinners
for neighbors,

friends and sometimes
people we barely knew.

By ten, I could whip up
a perfect meringue, deglaze a pan,

truss a chicken. But by the time puberty
rolled around, I'd had enough.

Football, friends
seemed more important.

So I told her I was done.
I was a guy.

I didn't want to spend Sundays
in the kitchen with my mom.

And you know what she said?

She told me that some day I would
realize that taking care of people

is not masculine or feminine.
It's a privilege and it's an honor.

And she was right.

And one day I realized that politics
is about the privilege and the honor

of taking care of people.

Of making certain
that the weak are protected,

the poor are sheltered
and the hungry fed.

My mother passed away six years ago,

but I work every day to honor her memory
in politics and in my kitchen.

Thank you very much.

Thank you so much for coming.

Thank you. It's good to see you.

Thank you. I appreciate the support.
Good to see you.

Weren't you impressed?

You were talking
to Republican women.

What do you think,
they were gonna storm the stage?

This is your first week.
Shouldn't you be kissing up?

There is nothing sexier
than a man who loves his mom.

I'm glad you enjoyed the speech.

You are so much better looking in person
than you are on C-SPAN.

Nobody looks good on C-SPAN.
Believe me. It's the lighting.

Oh, those baby-blues,
cheekbones that can cut glass,

financials are impeccable.
I have to rate you a . .

I have to take off something
for the divorce.

Thank goodness you were not
the cheater.

- I'm sorry. Excuse me, but who are you?
- "Introductions by Elise. "

Introduction? Intro... Oh.

- Oh, you're a dating service.
- Executive matchmaker.

Oh.

And a very large contributor.
I'm gonna cut right to the chase:

You are the -pound tuna
of bachelors, senator.

You really don't have time
to separate the wheat from the chaff,

Grace Kellys from the Britney Spears.
That's where I come in.

- We need to meet the governor.
- Very nice meeting you.

- Lovely to meet you. Think about it.
- You bet.

- Give me that.
- You didn't find her persuasive?

No. Objectifying, pushy, judgmental?
Yes, definitely.

She is trying to bring people together.
That is noble work.

- She looked at you like meat.
- Tuna, actually.

If the press ever got wind
of you using a madam...

- Matchmaker.
- They're gonna have a field day.

Can you think of a less romantic way
to meet someone?

You want to be reduced to an
arbitrary number on an arbitrary scale?

- You are trying to get me.
- Not trying. Succeeding.

- And spectacularly, I might add.
- You realize I hate you right now.

Come on, ladies! Come on!
Show me something down here!

Oh, life's a fight, people!
Let's see some fighting spirit in here!

Just five more, soldier!

Five!

Four!

Three!

- Five!
- Two comes after three!

Four!

Three!

Two!

One!

I can't believe he sat on me.

- Is that a common occurrence?
- You haven't taken Benny before?

- No.
- He gets off on being a hard-a*s.

- It's my first week.
- With those arms, bro?

You could have fooled me.

- Nice to meet you. Chad.
- Kevin.

Nice kicks, by the way.
Where did you get them?

Some place on Melrose.

I'm waiting for these
limited-edition Japanese imports.

They've got blue and orange on the side
and this red mesh on the soles.

- I had my publicist put me on the list.
- They sound great.

I could ask her to put you on it too,
if you want. If you don't mind matching.

- No. Sure.
- Right on. I'll need your info, though.

I'm so sorry. You're Dr. Phillip, right?
From Tempest Bay?

- That's me.
- I know it's completely hicksville,

- but would you sign my gym bag?
- Sure. No problem.

Thanks.

Oh, my God.
My mom's gonna flip out. Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Too bad it's always moms, right?
- Yeah. Bummer.

- He was hitting on me.
- You are so full of yourself.

Chad Barry has had ten girlfriends
in the last year.

What? I'm a mom. I read Us Weekly.

Too bad Justin's in rehab.
He has great gaydar.

Straight guys don't really comment
on other guys' bodies.

Why'd you tell Kevin
he was getting a gut?

- Yeah.
- My brother. That's different.

I say, go for it.

Since when have you
been so sex-positive?

- Julia's morning sickness is gone.
- Oh, it has? That's so great.

Yeah. Really great.

Oh, I remember that.

When I was pregnant with Cooper,
Joe would just like brush past me

- and...
- Eww.

- Enjoy it while it lasts. It won't.
- Thanks for the tip, killjoy.

Oh, look. He brought his mom
to the Daytime Emmys.

- Everyone does that now.
- Everyone who's g*y.

That's Julia.
She wants me home for, uh... lunch.

- Later.
- Lunch.

Ooh, he's got a blog.

Favorite music: All things Christina.

- You might be right.
- Yeah.

That's her.

Kitty Walker.

- Gary Morris, policy advisor.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. I was a big fan
of Red, White & Blue. Welcome aboard.

Thanks. I'm happy to be here.

Between you and me,

the staff are concerned
about you working for us.

- But so long as you're discreet...
- I'm sorry.

- I'm not sure I follow...
- Sorry. I need to take this.

Noreen, can you help Kitty
get settled? Thanks.

Your office is this way.

Not quite what you're used to, huh?

No makeup, no stylists. This office
is seriously lacking in glamour.

Well, I worked in basic cable, so...

Ooh.

- No glamour there.
- If you need anything else...

Yeah. Actually, um,

is there any reason why people would
be uncomfortable with me being here?

No reason. It's great.
But I'm swamped. I should go.

No, no, please. Really,
I feel like I have spinach in my teeth

and nobody is telling me.

We all just really care
about the senator.

Personally, I think you
make a really cute couple.

Couple! C... Couple? No.
No, no, no, no, no. We are... That...

No. There's no couple. I'm just
part of his communications staff.

- There's no coupling.
- I get it.

You want to keep it on the down low.

I don't want to keep it
on the down or the low.

I don't want to keep it anywhere.
There's nothing to keep anyway.

- I arranged for you to go to his ranch.
- For the day. For the day.

It was one day.

It turned into just a couple of hours.

Look, he's been through a lot.
Just don't break his heart, OK?

Oh, my God! I just... You know...

Wh... What can I say to you to make you
understand that we are not together?

You know, if you don't believe me,
you can ask...

Ask my boyfriend.

- You have a boyfriend?
- Yes, I do.

It's a very serious... I love him.

I'm sorry, I... I guess it was
just a misunderstanding.

Mm.

- I'll let you settle in.
- Yeah, OK.

And please feel free to spread the word.

No.

Listen to this.

"Spend two weeks at a sixteenth
century Tuscan farmhouse.

Each night, you prepare an authentic
Italian meal learning from local chefs. "

Wow. Interested?

Two weeks cooking? What part
of "vacation" do you not understand?

- Are you expecting a fax?
- Well, no.

I mean, yes. I am.
My papers from my office.

Kitty, don't lie. You've got a tell.

That thing you do with your eyebrows.

I don't do a thing with my eyebrows.

- This came in a few minutes ago.
- Great.

Thank you for making an embarrassing
situation even more embarrassing.

A dating service? Kitty.

- You don't need a dating service.
- No, I actually do.

I need a quick
and expedient way to find...

- A husband?
- No, Mother. Not a husband.

Sweetheart, there are other ways
of fulfilling your physical needs.

- Electrical things...
- Mother, no! Please! Just...

- Somebody just k*ll me!
- OK.

If it's not a husband
and it's not sex...

It's a beard. Arm candy. Somebody
whose picture I can put on my desk.

Everybody in my office thinks
the senator and I are dating.

- Well, he is your type.
- Oh, et tu, Mother?

All right. I'm sorry.
Just please continue.

I really want to do well at this job.

I can't do well if everybody thinks that
I got my job by sleeping with my boss.

So if you will excuse me, I am
meeting with the EM very shortly...

- EM?
- It's the executive matchmaker.

Now silence. Mother.

You want help with that bar?
There you go.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey! You made it.

Yeah. I didn't want Major Pain to make
me do extra pushups, so I ran here.

- Wow.
- Hey, you should check them out.

Oh, yeah. That... Nice.

- I got yours in my bag.
- Great.

You need to break them in.
What are you doing tomorrow?

- Say, around ?
- I... I work. I'm... I'm a lawyer.

That's too bad. Not that you're
a lawyer, that you're not free.

Well, you know,
I work pretty flexible hours.

Cool. So we'll skip class tomorrow
and go hiking?

I was kind of hoping
to give my legs a day off.

Come on. It'll be fun.
I know this off-leash trail.

- Oh, I don't have a dog.
- I do. Lola. My pug.

- You have a pug named Lola?
- Yeah, short for Lolita.

And she's getting pretty fat, dude.

- Let's get those heart rates up!
- All right, let's go!

Come on, now! Ten rounds of jumping
jacks! Yo, up! Up! Up! Come on!

- Ah, hello, ladies.
- Hi, Mrs. Whedon.

- Hey, Mom.
- Where's Dad?

He's in the kitchen with Nicole's mom.

OK, those two fingers on those...
That... Yeah.

Second fret. Your pinky
goes on the third fret there.

Hit it. Hit again. Yeah. Rock star!

- Hi.
- Sarah, hi. I'm Vanessa.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize
you had a lesson, Joe.

Oh, no. Just us playing a few tunes...

And I made the mistake
of saying it looked easy.

It's nice to see the guitar.

It's been a while since it's had
any recreational activity.

Yeah.

You know, I should get going.
Time to round up my little warrior.

Oh, she's great.

- I'll ring you tomorrow.
- Sounds good.

- It's so nice to finally meet you.
- You, too. Vanessa, right?

- Right.
- See you.

Don't tell me. You're jealous.

Don't be ridiculous. Come on.
She's just another mom.

Lovely. Oh, my. This is so beautiful.

You know, your home
says a lot about you.

Warm, nurturing, homebody.

- It's my mom's.
- You live at home at your age?

Well, yeah, it's temporary.

See, I used to live in New York.
I moved to L.A.

- Because I had this fiancée...
- Should have seen her apartment. Steel.

What is it with people that want
to live in a warehouse? Hi, I'm Nora.

- How do you do? I'm Elise.
- You have something you need to do?

I do. I'm organizing the linen chest.
I'll be quiet as a mouse.

Elise, when do you think
I'll have my first date?

Don't get ahead of yourself.
We do have work.

Your dating techniques,
your appearance, your hair.

What... What's wrong with my hair?

- A little product wouldn't hurt.
- I don't need product.

No, just for a little volume.

Now, I need to prep you
on what you're going to say.

Oh, well, you know, I'm...
I know that I look young,

but I've actually been dating
for about years, so I...

And yet you've never sealed the deal.

Well, maybe I've never
wanted to "seal the deal. "

- Don't be defensive.
- No, no.

- She gets defensive.
- No, I don't get defensive.

- I'm not defensive. I'm not!
- She gets defensive.

Ladies. I am gonna meet with you
before every date,

and we're gonna check
your clothes, your makeup.

To make sure you're
projecting the right image.

Based on the bachelors.
We'll go over mutual areas of interest.

Now, I have been
going over your questionnaire

and it seems like your priorities are...

Huh... Well, looks.

Oh, no.
That doesn't sound like you, Kitty.

No, it's me. It's me. It's me.

Well, sweetheart, looks fade.
You want someone intelligent,

who'll make you laugh. And cultured,
so you can travel with him.

- Go to the theater.
- Since when do I go to the theater?

You know, Miss Walker,
I just signed a client

who sounds exactly
like the man you're describing.

He's charming, funny.
I think he's about your age.

Never married, so he's not bitter.

And he's an accomplished
ballroom dancer.

I think he would love to meet you.

Know what?
You'd be doing me a huge favor.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is about Kitty's social life.

I don't really want to intrude.

Oh, trust me. She loves to intrude.
She lives to intrude.

Nonsense. You know what?
I love mother-daughter teams.

- It's twice as much fun.
- OK. Well, she loves contractors.

- Kitty.
- Nora, I feel so confident in this,

I'm not gonna charge you
for this consultation.

Sit down. Sit!

Great. OK,
here's what we're gonna do.

Hey. So this is really good.

I would just change "watchdog"
to "necessary vigilance. "

Protection over fear?
It's good. I like it.

Sit down.
I'll go over the whole thing.

You know, actually, I...
I kind of have to go.

Is it OK if we run through it
tomorrow? It's a personal matter.

- Oh. OK.
- OK. Thanks.

- I hope I get to meet him soon.
- What?

Your boyfriend. If you want to keep
things private, you got to avoid Noreen.

Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for the intel.

I was surprised to hear
you were in a relationship.

I just would've assumed
you'd say something.

- You're... You're fishing.
- You're evading.

It's only fair. You know all
the details in my personal life.

Besides, what's the big secret?
Is he bald? A hunchback?

A member of the Green Party?

He doesn't exist. I don't
have a boyfriend. I lied because I...

Well, I had to because everybody in
this office thinks that you and I are...

- They do?
- They do.

- But we're not.
- I'm aware of that.

Every time I tried to tell Noreen,
she thought I was lying...

So you made up another lie.
You'd make a very effective politician.

I panicked. I was nervous.
It was my first day and I just...

I want people in this office to respect
me and they're not if they think...

One day, you're gonna
have to come clean.

Not if I meet somebody really soon.

I called the matchmaker.

The pushy, judgmental,
objectifying matchmaker?

- Yeah, that would be the one.
- Oh, the irony of this moment.

Could I just have
a minute to enjoy this?

Oh, knock yourself out.

Well, I can't enjoy it
if you're gonna enjoy it.

Kitty, you don't have
to prove yourself to the staff.

I mean, ignore them,
or I can talk to them.

No! No, no, no. No!
No, no, no! Don't. It's fine.

I don't think that the office
scuttlebutt was the only reason.

- It is hard to meet people.
- Tell me about it.

I met my wife at a kegger. I filled
her plastic cup up with flat beer

and that was that. Today I don't have
the first idea where to meet women.

If it makes you feel better,
I was half-tempted to call her myself.

Really?

Well, yeah. Yeah,
that does make me feel better.

It's just that... I have never been one
to believe that there's gonna be

some knight in shining armor,
and he pulls up into my driveway

and sweeps me off my feet.
But, you know, I really...

I really never thought
that it was gonna be this hard either.

Oh, I... I have to go. So, thank you

for not being
a complete jerk about this.

Anytime.

Oh. And, uh... wish me luck.

Then I said, "You know,
I know I'm supposed to be humble,

but I'm better than that show. I mean,
I can do more than play a Mafioso's son.

At least give me a disease
or a multiple personality or something. "

I can see
how that'd be frustrating.

And then finally I just said to him,
"Look, I'm not renewing my contract. "

So, Kev, you got
a boyfriend or something?

Uh, no. No, I don't.

And, uh, h... how...
how did you know I was g*y?

I got a lot of g*y friends. It's so much
easier hanging out, you know?

None of that alpha male weirdness.

- So you're not?
- g*y?

- Yeah.
- No.

My girlfriend's got a theory
we're all a little bit g*y.

Right. Well, right. Well, I'm...

I'm pretty much fully g*y, so...

- So you have a girlfriend?
- Yeah. Michelle. She's awesome.

She's out in New York right now doing a
play. You two would totally hit it off.

She loves hot g*y dudes.
Always trying to convert them.

Hey, uh, you into the Lakers?

What? The basketball team?

My agent got me floor seats for
tonight's game. We could go if you want.

- You know, grab a couple beers after.
- Yeah, sure. Cool.

Come on. Let's go.
Lola! Lola, come on!

She's a good girl.

What a waste. You're going
to one of the biggest games

- and I'm stuck at home.
- Stuck at home?

Every time I turn around
you're racing to get out of here.

Yeah, but I'm exhausted. You know,
Julia woke me up at AM.

Not in the mood
for an erotic wake-up call?

Not at AM.

The guy is messing with my head.
In the g*y column I have

flirting, giving me shoes,
Lola the pug.

And in the straight column
I have girlfriend, Lakers

and use of the words "dude" and "bro. "

- Maybe he's bi.
- No one's bi.

Ever met a -year-old bisexual?
At some point you make a choice.

Thus the expression,
"Bi now, g*y later. "

- Maybe he hasn't decided.
- He better decide.

I can't keep missing work.
My hamstrings are k*lling me.

I don't know how I'm gonna make it up
and down stairs at the Coliseum.

It's Staples Center, dumb-a*s.

Who knew too much sex
could make you cranky?

- I wish I was cranky from too much sex.
- What are you and Joe up to tonight?

We are going to a club.

Yeah.
This, um, band that Joe used to love.

- How very -something of you.
- We're in serious need of fun.

Last time I heard my husband laugh
was with another mom.

Another mom? Uh-oh. Is someone
feeling a little possessive?

Oh, please. She's hardly the issue.

So, this club, do they let parents in
or is it seniors' night?

No.

- Oh, definitely no.
- Come on now. Hey.

- That is my favorite date dress.
- No wonder you're still single.

Kitty, you are going out
with a very dynamic man.

Dynamic isn't some sort
of code word for deranged, is it?

God, no.
You told me you wanted handsome,

and I went above
and beyond on this one.

Oh, absolutely beautiful.

Well, why does she get to wear black?

She's a woman of a certain age
and it's classic.

- Earrings are wrong.
- What's wrong with pearls?

Nothing, if you want to remind him
of his grandmother. Diamonds.

- Where are your diamonds?
- Is this too much?

That's the one. And for the final touch?

A gift for both of you.

- Chicken cutlets?
- They're boobs.

They're boobs. No. I'm personally
very happy with my body the way it is.

Well, that's very progressive of you.
But you pay me to tell it like I see it.

I see you both need help
in this department.

- What was wrong with Kleenex?
- They're lumpy, and these?

These are light and comfortable and they
have just the right amount of jiggle.

See, I'm wearing them right now.
Would you like to feel?

- Oh, no, no. I'm good.
- No, thanks.

You can use these for the posterior.

Let's face it ladies, what man doesn't
like a little "junk in the trunk"?

So...

What do you say, girls?
Who wants to be bootylicious?

I think I'm bootylicious enough.

Whoo.

Uh... Hi. Excuse me. Um...

I'm meeting someone here.
The reservation is under Elise Lacey.

Oh. Hi. Your date's waiting for you.
Follow me.

Oh, really? Is he normal?

- I wouldn't exactly say normal.
- Really?

You must be Kitty.

That's very good. Thanks.

I'll be back to tell you about
specials in a minute, senator.

Thank you.

I never would've figured you
for a silent treatment type.

I'm not giving you silent treatment.
I'm considering

how I can tell you off
without losing my job.

- You're angry.
- Yes! Yes. I'm angry.

I thought it would be a nice surprise if
you showed up and saw a friendly face.

I confided in you,
and you took advantage of me.

- Do you know how humiliating this is?
- You don't need to feel humiliated.

I am wearing a silicone a*s!

I knew there was something different.

You know what? No, no, no.
I don't appreciate your jokes.

I thought you were
a decent human being...

Kitty.

Hear me out. I just felt terrible
that you went through all this

because my staff made assumptions.

- So you hijacked my date?
- I didn't trust Elise

to find anybody good enough for you.
And rather than have you sit

through some awkward meal
with a stranger and me at home

with my laptop and takeout Thai,
I hijacked your date.

- I thought you'd find it charming.
- Charming?

Accept my apology.

My intentions were noble,
albeit my execution was...

Lame, ill-conceived, thoughtless?

All of the above, yes.

Look.

I can't date you.

I know.

But maybe you could share some red wine
and a steak with me as a friend.

Do you have your speech with you?

You want to turn this
into a working dinner?

Yeah, I do.
I think it would make me feel better.

- I already memorized it.
- Good. I'll excuse myself.

I'm gonna go to the ladies room and I'm
going to remove my new, improved butt.

I would like you to order me
a petite fillet and a wedge salad.

- And then we'll get to work.
- Will do.

Apology accepted.

- You must be Nora.
- Yes.

- Lawrence McGill.
- Very nice to meet you.

Oh, my God, look at those earrings.

Let me guess, a carat and a half?

Uh, yeah. Uh, are you a jeweler?

No. I make it my business
to notice beautiful things.

Yes. Please forgive me.
I'm a little nervous about all this.

- You're a virgin.
- Hardly. I have five children.

I mean a dating service virgin.

Oh, yeah. Well, yes. I am. Are you?

Oh, no. I'm an old wh*re at this point.
Lots of first dates.

Seconds, not so much.

Ah. I think our table is ready.

We should just sit right down, I think.
Yes, thank you.

To the buzzer.
A Sports Illustrated moment.

I actually think I got hit
by Kobe's sweat when he took the shot.

Nice. You still down for hanging out?

Sure. Uh, do you...
you know a bar around here?

Let's skip the bar.
Too many drunken fans.

Fine by me. What did you want to do?

Let's get out of here.
Take a drive up Mulholland.

- Mulholland?
- My girlfriend's out of town.

I don't have a curfew. Hop in.

Lt'll be fun, I promise.

That is a beautiful watch.

I have three sons and a brother.
Always looking for good gift ideas.

- Where did you buy it?
- Fred Segal's.

- Oh.
- Did their Christmas display last year.

An homage to s noir.

Hm.

Lawrence, I hate to be blunt.

Maybe it's my age or my inability
to be coy anymore in my life,

but are you g*y?

I mean, it's fine.

I have a son who's g*y
and I am a proud member of PFLAG.

- Are you... disappointed?
- No. I'm curious. I'm...

Why? Why date women?

I love women!

I love their companionship,
their friendship.

I just want someone to go
to museums, parties, take dancing.

Does that sound pathetic?

No.

No, it sounds very familiar.

If you want to call it a night,
I'd understand.

No, Lawrence. Absolutely not.

We haven't eaten.
I'm starving to death.

You want to share
an order of edamame with me?

- What time did you tell the sitter?
- Twelve, latest.

It's : now. This is ridiculous.

Oh, God! Is that vomit?

I don't want to get close enough
to confirm or deny.

This is the worst date night ever.

It's Betsy. Hey Betsy, what's up?

He is? Well, does he have a fever?
He's throwing up.

OK. Look, we'll, um...
we'll be home soon. Thanks.

Hey, we would've
had to leave early anyway.

You know, we just should've
stayed home and watched a movie.

Honey, you know there's another pint
of ice cream in the freezer, right?

Can't I just make out with my husband?

Yeah, if that's all.

What's that supposed to mean?

Just... I was hoping
that we could take the night off.

Since when do you want
to take the night off?

It's just, you know,
the way you've been.

How exactly have I been?

Just very... easily aroused.

What, like some nympho?

Like a hooker, I can't get enough?
Is that what you think?

Look, I'm not like some sex-bot.

You can't just put a battery in me,
and boom, there I go.

Even if I was ,
I couldn't keep up with you.

All I want is some sleep.

Just eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

You want to take a break?

You can sleep on the couch tonight.
And tomorrow!

Oh, God.

I feel like I'm in high school again.

Last time I was up here, it was
with some soccer player named Eli.

Is something bothering you?

Am I that obvious?

The one thing you're not
is obvious, Chad.

I got the pages for tomorrow's sh**t.

I have three lines. Three.

I was nominated for a Daytime Emmy

and now they're treating me
like some day player.

OK, we've parked at inspiration point
so you can b*tch about your job?

- I thought we were friends.
- I don't know what we are, Chad.

You give me shoes. You admire
my body and... You know, I'm sorry.

Taking a drive to a beautiful location
is, regardless of categories, a date.

Come on, man.
Driving me all the way up here,

you're either gonna hack me into pieces
or you're gonna kiss me.

Well, I'm not a serial k*ller, so...

Wait. Wait. So you are g*y.

No, man. But it doesn't mean
I don't think you're hot.

Wait. What about your girlfriend?

She doesn't mind. I've seen her
make out with tons of girls.

Well, who am I to judge?

He shows up for his interview

and I swear to you,
his face did not move.

- No.
- No, not an inch.

- Botox?
- Enough for all the ladies

who do high tea at the Bel-Air.

Yeah, I remember my first campaign.
I didn't care about image.

I would show up at a fundraiser
in the same suit

that I wore to the previous night's
fundraiser.

Sometimes my wife
and I would bring the kids,

- strapped to us in those backpacks.
- Sounds like fun.

No, it was, and then we'd rush home,

put the kids to bed and then stay up
all night laughing about the evening.

Sounds like you and your wife
made a good team.

Ex-wife. And, yeah, we did.
For a while.

Do you miss her?

I miss the people we were back then.

And no, I don't miss who she is now.

And I know she doesn't miss
who I've become.

Well, you're not all bad.

At least you still have
facial expressions.

Yes.

It's getting really late.
We should probably go.

Oh, it's cold too.

Thanks for not
holding tonight against me.

You and I are gonna pretend
this night never happened.

Here they come! Here they come!

Senator! Are you dating Kitty Walker?

How long have you two been
seeing each other?

Big smile!

The medicine knocked Cooper out.
Give Paige her shot?

- She practically slept through it.
- Good.

Joe, we need to talk.

Oh, don't worry.
It's not even the original band.

The lead singer's the only one left.

- Why didn't you tell me about Vanessa?
- What?

Vanessa. The other day, she said,

"It's nice to finally meet you. "
But you never mentioned her to me.

- I didn't?
- No.

I didn't not mention her,
if that's what you're implying.

I felt kind of out of place
walking in on you guys like that.

Laughing and playing the guitar.

We were passing time
while the kids played.

Is she married?

She is divorced.
And she is a friend, Sarah.

When did she go from being
just a mom to being a friend?

- I didn't know I needed permission.
- No, you don't, Joe. But I saw you.

You were... connecting.

And don't say that you weren't,
because I felt it.

We were having fun. That's all.

Well, I want us to have fun.
And we don't, not like we used to.

Wait a minute.
Was tonight about Vanessa?

Maybe.

Sarah, you have no idea
what it's like.

Being at home all the time,
being around kids all day.

Well, I'm a mom, Joe. And I have
plenty of days where I'm with the kids.

You have your job.
Being at home day after day...

...gets lonely.
- I thought things were getting better.

They are.

Then why did I feel like the other woman
when I walked in here?

Sarah, you're my wife.

And there is no one else
that I'd rather be with.

I'm sorry.

I just... I just miss us.

Yeah. I miss us too.

- Rise and shine, sleepyhead.
- Oh, Mother.

Mother, that annoyed me when I was six.
Can you imagine how it feels now?

Just sit up and say thank you.

All right. All right.

Thank you, Mother.

- Did I forget my birthday?
- No, but I have gifts.

Page four-B.

Page of The Register.

And I drove all the way to Glendale
for this one: Page eight.

Oh. I am having a nightmare, right?

How could Elise set you up with
your boss without letting you know?

McCallister called her and arranged it.

The only reason I did this was so people

wouldn't think we were seeing
each other. And now, look at us!

We're plastered
all over the lifestyle section.

For what it's worth,
at least he wasn't g*y.

- What?
- Lawrence was wonderful.

Really funny, easy to talk to.

We're going shopping together
next week, but straight, he wasn't.

Mm.

Kitty, I'm so confused.

I went from my father's house to my
husband's house with nothing in between.

It's not like you.
Your life was always yours.

The choices you made,
the life you created belonged to you.

Well, I... I thought
that you always liked being home.

I did. I did.
I would not trade a single moment of it.

But now, your father's gone
and all you kids are grown,

and I don't know what to do
with the rest of my life.

Remember that time your father
and I went to the spa?

Yes. How could I forget?

He bitched about it
for the next six months.

They wanted us to fast because
they said that was the quickest way

to rid our bodies
of all the toxins and begin anew.

I think that's what I have
to do with my life.

I have to give myself some time
to figure out who I am,

without having
anyone else to account to.

How about we start with man-fasting?

Well, Elise said mother-daughter teams
are twice as much fun.

- To man-fasting.
- And more.

- It's not a bad picture.
- Her hair looks great.

- Yes, I know. Elise gave it volume.
- I like it.

- How much of a scandal is it?
- The scandal is right here, people.

"Chad Barry has hot night with unknown,
but incredibly handsome, attorney. "

Yeah, who is waging a valiant battle
against his ever-encroaching gut.

Nice try, but we know you're pissed
'cause Julia kicked you out of bed.

- Pissed you were at the game.
- Yeah.

I suggest flowers
and chocolate and jewelry.

Listen to your mom. She's very wise.

- How was your night with Joe?
- The band never came on,

Cooper got sick and I got vomit
on my brand-new ankle boots.

You want me
to baby-sit next weekend, I can.

- Thank you.
- OK.

I still can't believe it.
It was like sleeping with a Greek god.

- The size of his...
- Whoa! Mother present.

- You gonna see this god again?
- Boot camp's in an hour.

Yeah, if you have
enough stamina left to work out?

I do.

- Hi. Sorry I'm late.
- Hey.

- I brought muffins.
- Yeah, I could go for a muffin.

I'll take one for the road.

I really should get going too.
I promised Saul that I would review

Holly's winery proposal.

Milk it for all its worth.

You know what? I hear
the washing machine. It's beeping.

I'll be right back.

Wow. Did I forget deodorant
or something?

Um... Honey,
about last night? I'm sorry.

You know I think you're the most
beautiful, sexy woman in the world.

I already know
how you can make it up to me.

Well, I'm ready, baby.
Wherever, whatever. You name it.

- How's tonight in the living room?
- I'm there.

Good, because I rented
every single Die Hard movie

and I got you some
of that Belgian beer you like.

Are you kidding me? Die Hard Three?

Yeah, well, I didn't know.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Uh, how are you feeling today?

Fine, man. You?

- Hey, mister.
- Baby. Hi.

I thought you were
gonna save me a spot.

I am. This is Kevin.
Remember I told you about him, right?

Yeah. Kevin. Hi.
You were there for the three-pointer.

- Yeah.
- Michelle just got back into town.

- How was New York?
- They loved her, man.

- She got rave reviews.
- Stop bragging, Chad.

- It was wonderful, thank you.
- Great.

Mind if I take that spot?

- I haven't seen this guy for a while.
- Of course! No, no. Sure.

- Thank you.
- Absolutely.

Hey, later we should
grab a smoothie or something.

Sure. Yeah, great.

Well, what the hell is he thinking?

You tell the chairman
that I'll be there.

Committee on Armed Services is meeting.

Davids is introducing a resolution
calling for a freeze on spending,

including death benefits
for families of military personnel.

- You saw it?
- I did. Page four.

We could have at least gotten page two.

Oh. I talked to everybody.
I told them we're not...

No, no. Yeah, I know.
Uh, Noreen told me. Thanks.

I did get an earful
this morning from my ex-wife.

East Coast time,
which is always so nice.

- Did you want her to see us together?
- Kitty.

Well, it just...
You're just not upset. At all.

I'm not. I wanted
to have dinner with you.

And if I'm honest, then yeah.

I'm glad she saw me out
with a beautiful woman.

- Does that make me petty?
- Yeah.

But it also makes you human.

I know what Davids is up to. He's trying
to force you into defending an increase

and he's gonna spin it around
and make you look hawkish.

Us. Make us look hawkish.

You're on the team now.

Come on. We're late
for the staff meeting.

Yeah. Right.

Right.

We should compile a list
of beneficiaries of the benefit.

When the committee sees
the actual family members...

They'll think twice
about the ramifications.

You should definitely speak
to a veterans' group.

Elaine Berland at the Journal?

Call her.
She'll sink her teeth into this.

And Mary Howard at the Post.
We should tip her too.

- You are very good.
- Well, that's why you hired me.

- Excellent decision on my part.
- I'm glad you think so.

We'll go with that one. Thanks.
All right. Let's go, people.