01x04 - For Love of Money

[bunniefuu]

- Just a little more to go.
- I can handle it.

- Sure?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, I bet.
- Shut up.

- I'll race you back.
- Yeah, right.

Is that as fast as you can go?

- I won.
- Oh, no, baby.

- I got there first.
- Afraid not, pal.

Jake, man, you're gonna get oil spots
all over the ground there.

Yeah, good morning to you too, Mike.

- Jane.
- Hi.

- Goodbye. Gotta get ready for work.
- Yeah, me too.

Listen, can you please bring that out
to the garage?

And while you're at it, drop off your
rent check, because Mr Kay called.

- Tell Mr Kay to call me.
- I just don't wanna see you evicted.

I've been busting my ass.
It's dead in construction.

OK, I know it's tough.

Don't worry. I'm gonna find something
by the end of the day.

All right.

Good morning, D & D Advertising.

Hello, Mr Danworth.

I'm sorry Ms Cabot won't be in till .

By the way, congratulations
on that stock split.

I read about it in The Wall Street
Journal. Page three, right. Bye-bye.

I heard it all. You were perfect.
Professional but personal.

- I was worried I overdid it.
- Open your reward.

It's the double-dipped honey-glaze
from L.A. Eats.

Yesterday it was a Zen muffin,
Friday a Mrs Gooch's granola bar.

So, A, you really like
the way I answer the phone,

or, B, you're psychic, and you know
I'm in major need of a sugar rush.

Possibility C isn't to be ignored.

What's that?

- Hey, how you doing?
- Yes?

I saw your help-wanted ad.
What are you looking for?

What I'm not looking for:

Someone who's got a second career.
An actor, a writer or a model.

Hey, don't worry about it.
I work with my hands.

- Hopefully, you wash them sometimes.
- Just tell me if there's a job, OK?

Well, you do have the right look.

Have you ever worked one of these?

No, but...

- Have you ever had a cappuccino?
- Once or twice.

Watch carefully.

The right dose can be ruined
by poor tamping,

but harder tamping prevents
watery espresso.

I'll try not to tamper
with the tamping.

Just try to remember
you're not grinding cement.

- You think you can handle it?
- It's just a glorified Mr. Coffee.

Mr. Coffee can't make macchiato.

People do not drive from all over
Los Angeles for Mr. Coffee.

Hey, I would never diss
a good machine, OK?

You can tell a lot about people
from their lunches.

Like what?

Well, the perfect but generous use
of peanut butter means that you love it,

and that you're benignly compulsive.
And unnecessarily diet-conscious.

I figured after all the snacks
you've given me, I'd go light on lunch.

Look, Lucy Cabot.

VP, Sun Ray Sunscreen.
God, she's so confident.

Wonder if that'll be me in ten years.

Chocoholic. You can soften her
with Hershey bars.

What are you, the mailroom snoop?

- OK. Bye-bye, now. Hey, Rick.
- Hey.

- She knows you?
- Let's not get into it.

Oh, come on. I'm curious.

OK. Promise you won't tell
anyone at work?

My last name is Danworth.
As in the son of Joe Danworth.

Our sunscreen account.
That is very impressive.

You've no idea what a drag it is
having a heavy-hitter father.

Beats having zero connections.

I feel like I have to work
twice as hard to prove myself.

God, I thought connections were
supposed to get you somewhere.

So, listen, how about dinner tonight?

What? We just met a few days ago.

What are you gonna do,
go home and rent a video?

OK, but you know what they say
about romance in the workplace.

- Tell me.
- Risky business.

Oprah did a whole show
on office rendezvous spots.

- I want to hear every one of them.
- Well...

That pitcher needs to be one-third full.

I got it under control, OK?

Shake the cinnamon gingerly.
You're not hammering nails here.

- I'm overdue for a break.
- We're way too busy.

That group gets a mocha, a macchiato,
an iced latte, and a double decaf cap.

What ever happened to coffee?
Just plain old coffee?

- Jake?
- Peri.

- Long time.
- Yeah, gotta be years.

I thought that was your bike out front.

You haven't changed.

Well, it depends on how you look at it.

Of all the cappuccino joints in L.A.,
you had into walk this one.

Don't tell me you own this place.

- No, I just work here.
- I see.

- Thought you were allergic to trendy.
- Well, I've had my sh*ts.

It's just temporary.

I love the way you bury that nozzle.
You always did have the touch.

Jake, we're five orders behind.
What do you think you're doing?

Coffee break.

- Tough times?
- Depends on how you look at it.

Remember when we rode out to the desert
and made love on this bike?

- The shocks held up pretty good.
- So did you.

- So, who's the lucky guy?
- Clients.

- I'm an art dealer these days.
- Excuse me?

- You don't know art.
- That's what's great about L.A.

- All you need is the right look.
- And you've got that down, don't you?

Looks like you could use some action.

I got something that could make
both of us a lot of money.

No, thank you.
I'm doing just fine on my own.

Jake, it's legit.

I don't think your legit and my legit
are the same.

Well, I can't let my calzones
get cold.

- Call me.
- Peri, get out of my life.

Break's over. So is your job
if you pull that again.

And what a life.

I never figured my most
ongoing relationship

would be with the utility companies.

- Look at all these bills.
- Spare me, Rhonda.

- Well, what's wrong with you?
- It's work stuff.

They cut more funding
from the halfway house.

- I lost my cook.
- Wow, I'm sorry.

- What are you going to do?
- I got a pool of volunteers.

It's just tough pulling people away
from paying jobs.

Let me help you out.
Your kids would love my chicken curry.

Rhonda...

Hey, think of it.
You and me, side by side...

We'd be galloping gourmets.

You sure?
I'll stop looking for somebody.

No problem. I'll be there. I swear.

Alison has a hot date.
I'm offering my come and get me dress.

Hey, that's my come and get me dress!

Alison, what do you think?
Satisfaction guaranteed.

- That is so sweet.
- Thank you.

But is it me?

What does it matter
as long as it does the trick?

Oh, my God, it dates.

Billy, don't you have a cab fare to
t*rture or a novel to pretend to write?

You guys are scary, it's like
you're preparing for warfare.

Oh, no, w*r paint.

They don't call it the battle
of the sexes for nothing.

What does this guy do, anyway?

Works the mailroom, but his dad
owns Sun Ray Sunscreen.

Not that he wants anyone to know.
I think it's great.

- But he doesn't want to talk about it.
- Sunscreen talk is not foreplay.

Applying it is.

I don't think you should let him know
you're so interested.

I mean, you should keep talking business
and let him make the moves.

Sandy's the actress, not me.

Shut up.

- I'll get it.
- Billy, no!

Hi.

- Is Alison here?
- Yeah, she's in there.

- I'm her roommate.
- Alison didn't tell me.

We're platonic, but we're very close.
She must have told you about me.

Actually, I don't think so.

Well, I guess you guys haven't
known each other very long.

A while.

So, plan on taking her someplace nice?

Yeah, probably.

Is Alison ready?

Billy's decided to protect me.

- I think it's sweet.
- He's turning me into a five-year-old.

. at the latest.
It sounds crazy, but I wait up.

- Hi, Rick.
- Hi. You look great.

- Thank you. I take it you two have met.
- Sort of.

- I think we understand each other.
- Night, Dad.

- I used to want to be a musician.
- Really?

Yeah, but my dad felt there were
more doors open in advertising.

It's true, but sometimes I feel
like an alien at work.

I know what you mean.
But I'm starting to make friends.

Sometimes it feels like high school
all over again.

- High school? I hated high school.
- Who didn't?

- How long you been out of school?
- Why'd you pick advertising?

You first.

I wanted to do something creative.
My dad was in sales,

and I used to dream up ad lines for his
products in the middle of the night.

I even thought of one for your dad.

God, I'm rambling.

- No, no, tell me your idea.
- OK.

Sunscreen is ' s, right?

It helps people, it has
an ecological twist, but it's sensual.

So I was thinking of a sexy campaign,
like "It's hotter than a burn."

That's really good.

- My dad should hear this.
- I don't know. Really?

Well, we'll see how things go.

Finish your wine.

- So did I make curfew?
- I hope not.

I had a really great time tonight.

Come here.

What do you think
of office romances so far?

Six, seven, eight...

And here we go!

Let's hit it!

And here we go!

Hey, Alison. Check out
my new t*rture routine.

Looks wonderfully painful,
but I've gotta get to work.

I'll bet you do.

Did he give you the hands-on
demonstration of Sun Ray Sunscreen?

Which, incidentally, I'd be perfect
to model, don't you think?

- We know he didn't spend the night.
- I'm sure you do, Rhonda.

- Come on, just one juicy detail.
- You are relentless.

Hey, Rhonda, KP at the shelter
at five, OK?

Alison, we could use you there too.

In my dreams. Some of us
don't have flexible jobs.

Well, some of us don't have boyfriends
on the job, either.

- Can I help you?
- I doubt it.

Jake's not home. He probably won't be
for awhile. Can I ask who's calling?

- Who are you, his secretary?
- I'm a lot of things, honey.

Just be sure to tell him
Peri stopped by.

Bitch.

Looks like you've got an admirer.

Ms Cabot, I've wanted
to introduce myself. I'm Alison Parker.

We're excited about the sunscreen
account. Demographics are perfect.

That's great. I've got a conference call
coming. Hold all my other calls.

Consider it done.
I'll patch that one through.

- Nice meeting you.
- You know what they say.

Take time to smell the roses.
God knows I never did.

Thanks.

Lander Shelter for teens,
Roger speaking.

Hey, guys, I'm sorry.
Lunch is gonna be a little late.

Hey, guys. Hang tight!

- Matt?
- Rhonda. Saint Rhonda.

You're a couple hours early,
but I can use you for lunch.

Listen, look. Look, I forgot.

I promised to fill in for T.J.'s class,
and I've got cardio-funk in ten minutes.

Look, I completely spaced out
about it.

I bought all these ingredients
for the curry.

Well, I brought the recipe.
Look, it's really easy. Just follow...

l don't know what to say.

Say what you always say, Rhonda.
"Next time, Matt. I promise."

- It's a clever idea, Rick.
- You really think so?

- How did you come up with this?
- I figure sunscreen is ' s, right?

It helps people, it has an
ecological twist, but it's sensual.

I love it. "It's hotter than a burn."
It's sexy, it hits our young adults.

- Rick.
- Hi.

This is Alison,
receptionist extraordinaire.

We've met.

Excuse me. Can I grab Rick for a sec?
We need to talk.

Good work. I'll give it some thought.

Thanks.

I'll be right back, Alison.
Nature calls.

What are you doing?

Hey, is this one of those
office-romance spots Oprah mentioned?

- How dare you?
- What are you talking about?

You know damn well.
You stole my idea, you little leech.

I had that idea last week.

Everyone listens
to the same shock jocks,

everyone watches the same MTV spots,
we all get ideas from the same places.

So why wait till today to pitch it?

Maybe you reminded me of it.
Big deal.

It is a huge deal!
Don't walk away from me, you thief.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- I didn't want to steal your moment.

Sure you did.

You used me.

God, I'm so naive.

- I'm sorry to interrupt.
- Come on in.

I'm looking at some potential footage
for the "Hotter Than a Burn" campaign.

Your little mailroom friend here
just might have an idea.

- I wouldn't exactly call him my friend.
- I was just trying to be diplomatic.

Personally, I'm OK on office romances.

I'm sorry, but I've gotta say this.

You know that idea you like so well?

Rick stole that from me.
I told it to him last night.

Your . is here.

Get him coffee.

Alison, what do you want me to say?
Rick didn't even mention your name.

- Ms Cabot, I'm not lying.
- Let's be honest.

You gave him that idea
so he could help you.

No! I was making conversation.
Small talk.

- And he took advantage of you?
- Exactly.

Listen, Alison.

The work world doesn't operate
on the honor system.

If I call Rick in about this,
his father could be very offended.

- You might end up the punching bag.
- That is so unfair.

Alison, you need to develop
a tougher skin.

Next time you have an idea,

my suggestion is that you keep it
to yourself before you bring it to me.

I don't think there'll be a next time.

Jake, we've got a big problem.

You put decaf in the cappuccino.

Thought you'd accuse me
of k*lling your firstborn.

Funny, from someone
who can't spell espresso.

Relax, they got what they ordered.

You don't even lie well.

You know, maybe I gave him a little
half caf, half decaf. How about that?

That is why you're just
a glorified busboy.

Oh, boy.
You know, this is not worth it.

You can keep your yuppie crap
for five bucks an hour.

I'm sure you'll have all kinds
of other job opportunities.

You bet your tight ass I will.

Peri? Let's talk.

OK?

Come in.

I'm glad you called.

So, what do you think?
It's pretty hot, huh?

What's the deal, Peri?

Remember how exciting it was
when we were on the grift, Jake?

- Stealing from the rich...
- The grift?

Give me a break.
I was a security guard.

You were a salesgirl
who ripped off some cologne.

Yeah, well, this salesgirl moved up.

Heard this song?

Would it shock you that I've made
a small fortune

selling paintings like these
to Phil and his pals.

Nothing about you would shock me, Peri.

- I guess Phil's got money to burn.
- Oh, yeah.

And buying art gives him class.

Or he thinks it does.

Good for him.
What's that got to do with me?

Everything.

I've turned them on to enough new talent

that if I tell them someone's hot,
they'll believe it.

Let me guess.
This is the hot new painting.

All I need now is the hot new artist.

And I really think
you're the man for the job.

What makes you so sure?

Well, we already know you have
an expressive side.

- Is this legit?
- I've checked it out with lawyers.

We're not even gonna be
breaking the law.

It's very pretty.

It's definitely your color...

- I always liked you in red.
- You always liked me in bed.

Hey, Matt.

Matt, look...

Nice talking to you too.

Matt, we've gotta deal with this, man.

What's to deal with?

You promised you'd help me out,
and you let me down.

The second something comes along
that's better, you're history.

Look, I'm sorry, OK?
You know I meant well.

What's feeding a bunch
of homeless kids

next to hopping around like a rabbit?

- You're totally self-absorbed.
- Oh, I'm self-absorbed?

You haven't bothered coming to my class.
You don't even know what I do.

I'm too busy
working hundred-hour weeks.

Oh, and that's my fault, right?
It's great you want to help others,

but what about you?
You can't do that at your expense.

This is perfect,
you telling me how to live.

OK, fine. So I'm not an expert
on following through.

Maybe I'm trying too hard to please.
We can't all be saints, Matt.

What a sleaze bag.
I knew we couldn't trust him.

You told me to talk business.

So now it's my fault he stole your idea.

Alison, I'm seriously worried about you.
Your room looks as scary as mine.

Billy, it is so weird.
Somehow I feel like I've failed.

Only by quitting.

You're not gonna let some scumsucker
steal your career too.

Billy, what I can't do is
play their game.

It's the same game everywhere.
You just have to do something.

Get your cute little butt out of bed,
and go show them what you're made of.

Billy, I am so...

l don't know what I'll do if I go back.

Maybe you'll do something right.

Billy, God help me,
l am actually listening to you.

Thanks.

For what? We're roommates, right?

- I wasn't sure we'd see you.
- I had a rough night,

but I'm determined to prove myself.

I feel badly about yesterday.

I don't want to leave you
feeling disgruntled.

Don't worry, I'm over it.

- Well, maybe we can work something out.
- I do have other ideas.

I knew we were on the same wavelength.
Rick's father is coming for a meeting.

I told Rick he could throw out ideas
before we got to business.

Why don't you work with him
and make the pitch?

I don't think that's a safe plan.

Take it from an old warrior.
You're getting a break. Use it.

Maybe I will.

- Should've worn the jacket I picked.
- You got a bad memory.

I don't like being told what to wear
or what to do.

I love it when you get testy.

Keep it together, baby.
We're on.

- Phil.
- Hi.

Come here.
This is the artist I told you about.

Jake Hanson, Phil.

Nice to meet you.
Peri tells me you're a real find.

- Why don't you tell me.
- OK.

Attention, everybody!

- Reminds me of a Francis.
- Yeah?

Reminds me of a Hanson.

He's been a little edgy
since he got out of jail.

An outlaw.

So, what were you thinking about
when you did this?

Sex, death, rock 'n' roll.

Wow. I like this guy.

You looked like Lucy,
sitting there.

I was just looking at some footage.

I picked up some dim sum
from a Chinese place.

I figured we'd have some food.
It's nearly midnight.

- Softening me up with dumplings now?
- I just thought you might be hungry.

You know, Rick, you've done me
a great service.

You've shown me what four years
of college didn't teach me.

How to play the game and get ahead,
no matter what it takes.

- Alison, it was a misunderstanding.
- No, no, you should feel good.

This sunscreen campaign has taught me
to protect more than my skin.

There's my back, my career.
I'm a real player now.

- Well, then let's play together.
- With whose ideas?

Three days ago, I was a dreamer.
I've grown up.

So...

...what have you got?

- What do you mean?
- Ad lines, remember?

Bright ideas we're supposed
to be coming up with.

- Ladies first.
- You first.

- That's what I thought.
- I thought we'd work together.

Surprise me with your brilliance.

- I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow.
- I'll be there.

And I'll be there... early.

You seen Peri?

Jake.

Same old Peri, huh?
Still doing coke.

Jake, give me a break.

Come on, it'll be like old times.

I don't do that crap anymore.

You're so ' s.

I even fooled myself into thinking
it was gonna be different.

It will be. We have lots
of Phil's money and more on the way.

Come on, baby.

Damn you! Damn you!

You know, you're pathetic.

There's no way
I'm gonna sink this low.

Hey, dude, we got a deal?

The deal is...
Surprise, I'm a fake!

- I get down on myself too.
- No, listen to me.

What I'm telling you is
this whole thing is a scam, see?

I've never painted a picture in my life.

You want this? You want it?

Take it, it's yours.

These temperamental artists.

I'll be right back.

Jake, where are you going?

As far away from my life
as I can possibly get.

Hey, Matt.

You look like you're off
to do big things.

Trying.
You're at it pretty early, too.

Well, now I'm doing the work
of five people.

You're driven. That's great.
You love your work.

Love? I won't say love,
I'd say dedicated.

Dedicated to the extent
where I don't have a life.

Who's got time? It seems like the minute
you slow down, somebody runs you over.

Cheery outlook.

I don't make the rules, I just
play by them. Take no prisoners.

You're ruthless, Alison.

Don't you have to be?
I mean, aren't you sometimes?

Well, yeah. I mean...

- I can be.
- Because you know what you want.

And you can't let anything
or anyone stand in your way.

You've got the right idea.

So the son of a bitch undercut me.

But I destroyed him.
I was the one quoted in Time.

Joe, this is Alison.

She and Rick are going to present
some ideas.

- Mr Danworth, it's an honor.
- Is my son treating you OK?

Mr Danworth, I feel protected
just being around him.

In fact, that's part of the campaign
I've worked out.

I'd show beautiful images of couples,
moms and kids, firepeople and citizens,

a woman and a weightlifter,
all applying Sun Ray Sunscreen.

And I'd slogan it:
"I feel protected around you."

Unique approach. I like that.

I like that.

Well, what have you got
up your sleeve, Ricky?

Well, it's a variation
on the before-and-after approach,

only it's with Sun Ray Sunscreen
and without it.

The woman on the left is in the final
stages of skin cancer, advanced tumors.

On the right,
a safe healthy Sun Ray tan.

Anything else, son?

- Well, Dad...
- Rick,

what about your "color yourself
healthy, happy and tan" idea?

Oh, yeah.

He free-balled off the premise of a tan
being seen as a mask of sadness.

Rick, I'm sorry.
I forgot to return your worksheets.

Thanks, Alison.

Rock it out. Once again.

Here we go, and around.

Other side.

Now, let's walk.

Now, low down.

Get funky.

Break it down!

Y'all are bad.

All right, I'm gonna show you
some mercy.

Take five and we'll start again.

You.

Interrupting my class.

Get your sorry body over here.

Rhonda, I was wrong.
I've been totally self-absorbed.

And I don't want to lose
my best friend.

Even though she might not be the first
person I'd call when I need help...

Hey, what do you mean?
I'd be there.

Really.

- Most probably.
- Right.

I love you, Matt.

Hey, you guys, we got a new Jack here.
Let's bust a move.

And five, six, seven, eight.

Here we go!

Come on. That's it, that's it!

Other way...

- I know what you did in that meeting.
- Glad Mr Danworth liked the ideas.

The ideas, your ideas, were right on.
But that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about your integrity.

You had Rick by the throat,
and you bailed him out.

I guess he appreciated it too.

- Truthfully, I did it for myself.
- I know you did.

Guess I took myself off the fast track.

Actually, I think you're training
for the marathon.

Eat them slowly
or your stomachs will scream.

- Another sleepless night, darling?
- Not today, Sandy, OK?

- Buy you a burger?
- No, thank you.

You wanna sh**t?

OK, but if I win, you gotta tell me
why you've been dodging us all.

My past came back to tempt me,

and it seemed like
a good place to hide.

Wouldn't it be great if we could
just throw out all the bad memories?

And the bad record.

And the bad debt.

And the bad parents.

Well, why do you think
l became an actress?

Every day I try and reinvent myself,

but it's like those old country songs
Mama used to cry to:

- "You can run, but you can't hide."
- I've done all the running I can do.

I'm selling my bike today.

Now I know that you're sleep deprived.
You love that hunk of junk.

I don't have any choice.
I need the money.

I gotta get my life together somehow.

Thanks.

- Let's play some pool, come on.
- OK.

- Hey, are you the owner?
- Last time I checked.

- You don't seem like a rub.
- What's a rub?

Well, you know, a rich urban biker.

They go for the flash,
percent of our sales.

I'm not here to buy.

I got this Triumph here.

I thought you might
be interested in it.

Well, now this suits you.

Yeah, I had one
when I used to ride a lot.

So, what do you think?

Good clean lines, yeah.

Twin plug heads.

Trick parts. I like it.
It's a beauty.

Yeah? How much?

Nothing.

I've got my business head on.

I got a whole lot full of bikes
l gotta unload before I can restock.

Hey, it's your loss, man.

Hold on.

Listen, man, do you think
whoever put this bike together

could work here as a mechanic?

I think he could be convinced, yeah.

Good, because whoever did this, man,
he's an artist.

So when do I start?

These go on the table, thanks.

Yo, Marcus, my man,
napkins on the table.

Guys, tell your stomachs
to hang in there, OK?

I'll be there

I'll be there

Just call my name

I'll be there

What are you guys doing here?

Wipe that surprise off your face.
I told you I'd be here.

I never expected it
in this lifetime.

I didn't wait for an invitation,
l just took it upon myself.

- That's called charity.
- You are a doll.

Tell me something I don't know.

Come on, Sandy, let's get this out
of here before it gets cold.

So, what ever happened
to "take no prisoners"?

What the hell.
There's more to life than advertising.

Chow time!

Marcus!

Who wants bread?
Bread, bread, bread.