03x26 - How They Met

[bunniefuu]

Oh, what's
for dinner?

- Lemon chicken.

- Again?

- What did you make?

- Nothin'.

- Hey, daddy.

- Hey, pooky. Hi.
How was school?

- Good.

- Ally made a new friend--
daniel.

- Daniel? A boy.

- He's coming over
on Saturday.

- Coming over, yeah?

Don't you think
you should, like,

Meet for coffee
and see how that goes?

- [laughs]

- Well, ally,
I'm looking forward

To meeting your
gentleman caller,

And I hope daniel realizes

That he's getting involved
with a very special young lady.

- Don't worry, honey.

Daddy won't be here
when he comes over.

- Good.

- You're gonna want me there

When it's time to pay
for the wedding, though,

Aren't you?
Yeah.

- So, hey, ally asked
that boy to come over?

That's a little forward there,
don't you think?

- Oh, please.

If women waited
for men to ask,

The entire species
would die out.

- What are you
talking about?

We wouldn't have
gotten together

If it wasn't for me.

- You? We got together
in spite of you.

- No.
Get outta here.

It was all me, okay?

I came, I saw,
I conquered, baby.

- You know, as much
as I would like to blame you,

Us getting together
is my fault.

- That's not the way
I remember it.

- That's exactly
how it happened.

- No. No, no.
- Yes. What?

- Don't you remember?

Okay, listen,
I got to shower,

So it'll be, like,
20 minutes.

Okay. Bye.

[doorbell rings]

Yes?

- Hey, got your
futon delivery.

- Oh. I forgot
that was today.

Um, okay, bring it in.

- Don't drag it, dopey.

The lady paid for it
already.

- Slow down.
Let me get a grip on it.

- Where's this goin'?

- Um, like somewhere in here.

- You got to tell me
when you're dropping it.

Come on, you've been
doing that all day.

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

Hey, how are you?

- I'll go get
the frame.

- Okay.

I delivered one of these
to cher yesterday.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.
She wasn't there.

Her assistant
was there.

I'm not really
a futon guy.

I'm gonna
be a writer.

- You know, now that
I think about it,

Can you just put it
over there instead?

- Yeah.
I can do that now.

- You can?

- Yeah. Yeah.
I don't need him.

- Yeah. That would
be great.

- So, where
do you want it?

- [screams]

Oh! I'm sorry!
Wait. Are you okay?

- I'm fine, I'm fine.
What are you doing?

- I don't know.

- What are you doing?
- Give me a hand.

- Pick it up.
Pick it up.

I'm sorry.
Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- You sure?
- Yeah. Fine.

All right, I'm sorry.
- Don't worry about it.

- Hey, lucky I'm not delivering
your refrigerator.

[both laugh]

- Okay, could you just
excuse me for a minute?

- Yeah. We got it.
Go ahead.

Yeah, you go
run for cover.

She's pretty, man.

- Yeah, I could see why
you'd want to smother her

With the futon.

- She's different,
though.

She's, like, different
kind of pretty.

You know, natural,
walk-on-the-beach,

Have-a-wine-cooler,
kind of pretty, you know?

- Let's get the frame
started.

Then you can
write her a poem.

- She laughed
at my joke, man.

You see that?
She laughed.

You think she's got
a boyfriend?

- I don't know.

Check out
the pictures.

- I don't see any guys.

There's no guys.

Hey, maybe
she likes women.

- Nah,
if she was like that,

She'd be putting
this thing together herself.

Ask her out,
big nose.

- No, what?
Her? Go out with me?

No, no, no.
Yeah?

- Stranger things
have happened.

I can't think of any.

- Nah. I live
with my parents.

- Fine.
Then I'll ask her out.

- No. No. You can't.

- Why not?

- 'cause.

You're the futon guy.

- You're the assistant
futon guy.

I'm asking her out.

- No. I'll do it.

She laughed
at my joke, man.

I'm gonna do it.

So...

I'll get
the clipboard thing,

And then I can
write that thing down.

- [laughing]

- What?

- Nothing.

My friend
is all nervous

'cause he likes you
or something.

He wants
to ask you out.

- Oh. Really?

- What?
You got a boyfriend?

- No, it's just that...

- Let me ask you
something.

You think you could put
this thing together yourself?

- I got it.
Got the forms. Okay.

All right.
Gianni, you almost done now?

Let me help you.
- No, no, no--I got it.

You do what
you got to do.

- Okay.

Okay.

Hey, music.
You like music?

- Uh, yeah.

- Yeah, me, too.
Music is good. Yeah.

It's a nice apartment
you got here.

- Oh, thanks.

- It's a nice
neighborhood.

A lot of nice places
to eat around here.

- Yeah, I know.
- You know what's good?

That chinese place

With the crazy grandmother
who screams at you.

- Oh, yeah, china star.
Oh, I love that place.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

You know what
she's screaming?

- Yeah. "habba nye dah!"

She's cra--

She's crazy.

- She's saying,
"have a nice day."

- Oh.

Oh.

Maybe she's not
crazy, then.

- I love that place.

- Yeah. Me, too.

So...

You almost done,
gianni, or what?

- Are you?

- So maybe I'll see you
there sometime, hmm?

- Where?

- China star.

- Oh, well, yeah.

If you're in there,
and I'm in there,

Then, yeah.

You got to sign, um...
- Okay.

- I'll probably be there
for lunch tomorrow.

You talking about it
made me really hungry for it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Actually, I just had
chinese today.

- Oh, my god.

- But sometimes, when I go back
two days in a row,

I just--I order something
different, you know?

Like shrimp.

So if I was
to go back there

And order
the shrimp,

Would you want to...
Go with me?

- Yeah. Sure.

- Yeah?

Oh, great. Great.

I told you I was gonna be
a writer, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
What a way with words.

Let's go.
- All right, okay.

All right,
so then, what,

Like, 1:00 tomorrow?

- Yeah. That'd be great.

- Okay. Good.
All right.

Good. Great.

So, then tomorrow.
1:00. Right?

- Oh. I'm ray.
- I'm debra.

- Hi.
Nice to meet you.

Okay, so tomorrow, then.
- Yeah, great.

- All right.
Good, great.

Habba nye dah!

[both laugh]

Hoo hoo hoo!

Am I the man,
or what?

- Oh, yeah,
you're the man.

You should have
your genitals revoked.

- [as muhammad ali]
oh, I'm so pretty.

I'm so pretty.
I'm so pretty.

- Hey, beautiful.

You forgot
to give her the futon cover.

- Oh. Oh, yeah.

[water running]
- coming.

- What?

- Coming.

Aah!
- Oh!

- What do you want?
What are you doing?

- You said, "come in."
- I said, "coming."

- It sounded like
"come in."

- What's up?

- Would you
excuse me, please?

- Okay, I'm sorry.
Look, I didn't see anything.

- Yes, you did.

- I know. I'm sorry.

- Totally naked?

- Yup.

- Totally naked?

A beautiful woman,
totally naked,

Facing you.

- Yes.

- Another gift
for raymond.

I burst into places
all the time.

I raid
massage parlors.

You know who I get
to see naked?

Fat guys.

Fat, hairy,
bald guys.

You get to go out
with a naked girl.

- Oh, I'm not going
out with her.

Are you kidding?
She thinks I'm a pervert.

- And she's the one
running around naked.

- In her own apartment.

No, I didn't turn away
fast enough.

- Well, how fast
did you turn?

- I don't know.
Like this. Ooh!

- Where's the turn?

- Oh, my god.
I didn't turn!

I didn't even turn.
See? Forget it.

There's no way I could
ever go out with her.

- Yes, you can.

- No. The whole time,

She'll know that all
I'm thinking about

Is her breasts.

- Well, don't
think about them.

- "don't think about them."

Yeah. Don't think
about zebras.

Go.

- Wow.

- Yeah. See?

What are
you thinking about?

- A zebra with breasts.

- That's it.
That's why.

There's no way I can
go out with her.

- Listen, you have to.

You've achieved more
before the first date

Than I usually do

By the end
of a relationship.

- Forget it.
I already called.

I canceled anyway.

I left a message
on her machine.

- Seems like a terrible waste
of a naked girl.

- Robbie, your father's
coming home soon.

- Yeah?

- You're sitting
in his chair.

You know
how upset he gets

If he sees your imprint
in his chair.

[doorbell rings]

- Ah, he can kiss my imprint.

- It's just that
he's working so hard.

That's all.

I can't wait till
your father retires.

Oh, he's gonna be so much
more pleasant then.

- Well, hello there.

- Hi. Is this 319 fowler?

- Why, yes, it is.

May I help you?

- Yeah.
I'm looking for ray barone.

- Of course you are.

Come in.

Raymond!

Girl!

- There's a girl here
for raymond?

- What's going on?

Oh.

Hi.

- [chuckles]
who is this?

- Hi. I'm debra whelan.

Ray delivered
a futon to me.

- Oh.

- What?

- Oh, nothing.

Just...Thinking
about zebras.

- Wouldn't you like
to introduce us

To your friend,
raymond?

- Uh, this is...

My...

Marie and robert.

My roommates.

How, uh...

What are you
doing here?

- Well, I went
to the futon store,

And your friend told me
that I could find you here.

Is there someplace
that we could talk?

- Uh, yeah.
I guess so, yeah.

- If I knew you were going
to have a visitor,

I would've laid out
a nicer pair of pants for you.

- So, um, hi.

- How come you
canceled our lunch?

- Well, I didn't
think you--

- Is it because
you saw me naked?

Admit it: You don't
want to go out with me

Because
you saw me naked.

- No! No--I mean, yes--

- Well, just so you know,

I don't look
like that.

- What?

- It was like a bad angle,
bad lighting.

I hadn't showered yet.

That's not how I look.
- What do you mean?

Well, you looked great--
not that I looked.

- Then how come
you canceled?

- Because...I was in
over my head anyway.

I was thinking
you'd think

I'm just some
futon guy,

And then you throw
pervert on top--

- Well, you should've let me
be the one to cancel.

That's the decent
thing to do

When you see
someone naked.

The naked person
gets to cancel.

- I didn't know that.

- All right.
Forget it.

Oh, and by the way,

There's something wrong
with that stupid futon.

The right leg
is so loose.

- All right.
You want me to fix it?

- Well, somebody better,
'cause I got the warranty.

- Okay. All right.
I'll fix it tomorrow.

I mean, I'm the futon guy.

- It was nice
to meet you both.

- So, uh, what time
tomorrow, then?

- I get home from work
about 6:00.

- That's no good.
Raymond eats at 6:00.

- Ma, do you mind?

6:00 is good.
- Okay.

- Okay, dear.
Lovely meeting you.

- She's not the girl
for you, raymond.

[doorbell rings]

- Who is it?

- It's, uh, ray from
claude's futons.

- Yeah, come in.

I said, come in.

- Okay,
now it really sounds

Like you're saying,
"come in."

- Yeah,
I did say "come in."

Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey, you're all dressed up.

- Oh, yeah,
the other time,

Those were
my delivery clothes.

Yeah, this is what I wear
when I fix stuff.

- All right.

- Okay.

Stupid dressed-up moron.

- What?

- So it's the right leg
that's loose?

- Yeah, it's the right one.

- Okay.

Nothing really seems
to be loose here.

- Oh. Sure seemed
loose to me.

- You know what?

I can't even tighten
these any more, really.

- Huh. I thought
it was loose.

- No.

- You know, it looks like
I made too much food here,

If you're, um, hungry.

- Oh. Yeah?

- Yeah. You want some?

- All right.
Yeah, wrap it up.

I'll eat it
in the truck.

- Okay.

I mean, you could eat it
here if you want.

- Oh.

Okay.

- You can sit.

- Sit? Sit here?

- Yeah. That's good.
- All right.

- You need me to help
with anything?

- No. I got it.

- Can I ask you
something?

- Yeah, sure.

- Were you making
all that food for someone,

And they didn't
show up?

- They showed up.

Here you go.

- So...The futon
was never loose?

- Look, you know, I've been out
with a lot of guys,

Like stockbrokers
and athletes

And rich, famous,
good-looking guys--

- So you're going
the other way now?

- No, no.
I'm not going any way.

You just seem
like a nice guy.

That's all.

You are planning on being
a journalist, right?

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

- It's not as much fun

As knocking people over
with futons, but...

[both laugh]

- Actually, I'm gonna
be a sportswriter.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah. You like sports?

- Well, I do p.R.
For the rangers.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- So you know, like,
vanbiesbrouck and larouche?

- Yeah. All those guys.

- Wow.

- So, your family
seemed nice.

- Yeah. Yeah.
They seem nice.

I'm only living with them
until, you know...

- Yeah. Sure.

- Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow. This is great.
This is--what is this?

- Oh, it's lemon chicken.

- Oh, man.

Wow.

- Yeah? You really
like it, huh?

- I could eat this
the rest of my life.

What?

- Nobody's ever really
liked my cooking before.

- Well, they're nuts.

Are you kidding?
This is great.

I'll probably--
can I have more?

- Yeah, sure.
- No, let me get it.

- No. I got it.
I can get it.

Hey, you want
something to drink?

- Yeah. Yeah. Well,
let me get that.

Okay. The glasses
are right there.

- Okay. Ice?

- Yeah, that'd be great.

[plates clatter]

- I like the round cubes
with the holes in them.

Those are my favorite
kind of cubes.

Oh!

Agh!

Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

You keep
knocking me down.

- I know. I know.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Ah, are you all right?

- Yeah.

You're a good kisser.

- All right.
You're in shock.

- Listen, I don't want you
to think I'm like this,

'cause I'm not.
- Me, neither.

- I mean, if this
goes anywhere,

It's gonna be
at least six months

Before you see me
naked again.

- It's okay.

I just want some more
of that chicken.

- Okay.

- [sighs]

Here's some
more chicken.

How is it?

- Great.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Still great.

- And you're still
a good kisser.