06x12 - Porous Pockets/Choir Boys

[bunniefuu]

-Are ya ready, kids?

-[kids] Aye, aye, Captain!

-I can't hear you!

-[shouting] Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

Under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow

And porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense

Be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck

And flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants

-Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

[Captain laughs]

[plays airy tune]

[sniffs] Ah.

Nothing quite like a relaxing

stroll deep in Jellyfish fields.

[shrieking]

I'd know that sound anywhere!

It's a terrifying shriek!

But where's it coming from?

[shrieks]

Patrick,

what is with all the shrieking?

You know I walk here

on Tuesdays.

Sorry, SpongeBob.

That wasn't me.

Patrick, I know I heard

a terrifying shriek.

So did I, SpongeBob,

but I was just mimicking it.

So you were mimicking it?

Patrick, please don't do that.

-It is really...

-[shrieking]

Wait a minute, if the shriek

wasn't coming from you,

where was it...?

It's over there.

Behind that kelp shrub.

[shrieking]

The terrifying shriek

must've come from this clam.

[sputtering]

Hey, Patrick. I think

there's something wrong with...

[coughs]

[wheezes]

What are we gonna do?

Well, the last time

I remember coughing like that,

I was sitting at home

eating a box of kelp jerky.

You were coughing because you

got some stuck in your throat?

I got the TV remote

stuck in my throat.

Patrick, this clam is choking!

Luckily I come prepared.

There, there, Clammy.

What are you doing?

-They like this.

-No.

You always give a choking victim

the "slime-lick" maneuver first.

And if that doesn't work,

you walk away

and pretend like

you never saw them before.

Like this. Ready, clam?

[straining] Ooh!

Well, SpongeBob, I think

I might go catch a movie.

-Hey, what about the clam?

-What clam?

I've never seen that clam

before.

But...

[gasps]

Patrick, the clam had a baby.

That's not a baby, SpongeBob.

-Then what could it be?

-I'll give you a hint.

What's white and round

and comes out of clams?

Their... eyes?

-No, silly. A volleyball!

-A baby volleyball!

I got it! Oof!

-Good idea coming here, Patrick.

-That's my specialty.

-Having good ideas?

-Nope. Being called Patrick.

Maybe we should do

some stretches first.

-Good idea!

-Well, that's my specialty.

Having good ideas?

Nope.

Doing some stretches first.

Yeah. No. I dunno.

The thing's years old.

How should I know? All right.

Look, if you don't wanna...

Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, I...

Yeah, yeah. I'm still here.

, .

-Gentlemen.

-Hello.

I couldn't help noticing

what a lovely ball that is.

Oh. Really?

Yes, I'd sure like

to get a closer look.

-We don't mind, do we, Patrick?

-Just don't take too long.

We were just about to

start playing with it.

Oh, it won't take long at all.

Ooh!

It's heavier than I imagined.

And shiner, too.

Where'd you find it?

We found it

deep in Jellyfish Fields.

Really? What was it doing there?

-Choking a clam.

-Well... [clears throat]

What would you say if I were to

offer you a small fortune

in exchange for your shiny ball?

What do you mean, small fortune?

Whoa. How many more trucks do

you think there'll be, Patrick?

Huh? Oh, I dunno. I am

getting kinda hungry, though.

I'll catch up with you later,

SpongeBob.

That looked like

the last of 'em.

-The last of what?

-Oh, hey, Patrick.

So, did you figure out

what you're gonna do

with this fat stack

of cabbage yet?

Yep! I mean... nope.

Well, my dad always told me,

"When you have money,

you need to do more

than spend it.

You need to have a plan."

Wow, your dad really

told you that?

What he said was,

"How many times do I have to

tell you not to stand there?"

-But I knew what he meant.

-Hey, Patrick.

I know where to go

when you don't know what to buy.

-You do?

-The mall!

-Yeah!

-Whoo!

[both] Touchdown!

[both] Awwww!

Patrick? Where'd you go?

-Oh. There you are.

-[both laugh]

Patrick, that was

the best shopping day ever.

-You can say that again.

-Best shopping day ever.

-Patrick, I've got an idea.

-Really?

Let's go shopping again

and this time... buy stuff!

Oh! Wasn't that incredible,

Patrick?

With all this money,

we could've bought anything

in the whole world.

-Yep.

-So, tell me, what'd you buy?

A life-time supply

of strawberry gum.

Hey, me too!

And to think, we barely even

put a dent in my fortune.

Two, please. One for me and one

for my best friend, Patrick.

I didn't really ask

who they're for.

Thanks. There you go.

It was only cents

for the ice cream.

Oh, that's OK.

I kinda have more money

than I know what to do with

right now.

Looks like my ex-wife was wrong.

I am in the right line of work.

Triple goo berry sundae, please.

-Extra nuts.

-Sure. That's gonna be . .

Ugh. Hey, Bert, you got, like,

eight cents I can borrow?

Let me check.

No, I don't, Bill. Sorry.

You know,

why is it I always have money

when you need to borrow it?

I dunno what to say.

Are you gentlemen low on funds?

Let me help. Here you go.

Whoa. That's OK.

I just need eight cents.

That's OK. I already

got my ice cream. See?

-OK, uh... Thanks!

-Sure thing.

-Do you need some too, Bert?

-OK!

-Could I have some too?

-You wanna buy some ice cream?

No, I'm allergic.

But... I'll be your best friend.

It's a deal.

I think I could hang out

with this guy for a while.

-Me too.

-Me too.

Me three.

Ice cream?

Mmm. Yes?

Uh... I'm here to see SpongeBob.

And are you on the guest list,

sir?

Well, I don't think so.

Normally, I...

Then I'm afraid I can't

let you in, sir. Good day, sir.

Good day.

Your shoe's untied.

Oh. Why so it is.

[sniffs]

Thank you, sir.

And so he was like, "Do you

wanna buy some ice cream?"

Ice cream! Can you imagine?

[chuckles] I love that story.

Hey, guys.

Have you seen SpongeBob around?

Is that guy talking to us?

Just don't move or breathe.

He might go away.

SpongeBob? SpongeBob!

Hey, pal, watch it.

I could buy and sell you.

And I said, "Go ahead.

Let's do it right now.

I got too much hair anyways."

[laughter]

SpongeBob. SpongeBob!

That's my name.

Don't wear it out.

[laughter]

SpongeBob,

I gotta tell ya something

I think you should know.

Your house is full of strangers!

Oh, Patrick.

These aren't strangers.

These are

of my closest friends.

-Right, everybody?

-[all] Yeah!

-That's right!

-[all] Yeah!

[all cheering]

Patrick, do you hear that?

That is the sound of love.

SpongeBob, if you keep throwing

your money away like that,

you won't have any left.

-And then--

-Excuse me, sir.

Is this man giving you trouble?

-SpongeBob!

-Like I was saying...

-But...

-We don't want any trouble.

Now just keep moving.

Dude, how did you get in there?

And I told him, it's not

that I mind the macaroni.

-What I mind is...

-Sorry about that, SpongeBob.

-Won't happen again.

-No matter.

He's simply jealous of

my glamorous new lifestyle.

Say, that reminds me.

Can I have some money?

Why, certainly.

I always remember to...

[all gasp]

I forgot.

I keep it in this other pocket.

[all gasp]

Uh, will you please excuse me

for a moment?

[gasps]

[gasps]

[groans]

[screams and sobs]

Well, everyone.

I hope this doesn't

put a damper on things,

but I just checked and...

Well, it's just that

all my money is... gone.

Don't be late

for work tomorrow, boy.

-Hey, Patrick.

-Oh. Hey, SpongeBob.

Whatcha doing?

Oh, the same thing us sea stars

are usually doing, I guess.

Laying up against a rock.

-Patrick, I was wrong.

-About what?

The money and about

those people being my friends.

There is no right or wrong

when it comes to that stuff,

SpongeBob.

There just either is

or there isn't.

Patrick,

if having a bunch of money

makes me forget that

you're my best friend,

then I don't want any more money

ever again.

Well, why didn't you say so,

buddy?

I've been waiting for

someone to go break in

my new volleyball with!

You got another new volleyball?

Yep. I found it.

Found it? Where?

Inside the Bikini Bottom

Diamond Mine!

[inhales]

♪ Fi-garo ♪

♪ Figaro ♪

♪ Fi-ga-ro ♪

♪ Figaro ♪

♪ Figaro-Figaro-Figaro

Figaro-Figaro ♪

♪ Fi-ga-rooooh ♪

[coughs]

[groans]

Don't feel bad. He didn't

use me yesterday either.

♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

I am anxious to look good and

make a strong first impression

as I share my singing skills

with the famed

Bikini Bottom Men's Chorus.

♪ La-la-la-laaaa ♪

But I needn't be too anxious,

for once they hear

this master's voice,

they'll give me the lead solo

for sure.

♪ Figaro ♪

Huh?

Well, it looks like

a forlorn SpongeBob

lying sprawled across the dirt.

[inhales]

[sighs]

Obviously depressed.

Oh, what a lovely day. For me.

[chuckles]

Huh?

Squidward, my playmate Patrick

is away at a family reunion.

Sad and alone.

I'm desperate for something to

do and someone to play with.

[coughs]

Well, I've got no time

for the likes of you.

Squidward, where are you going

all dressed up?

None of your business.

-Can I come?

-And no, you can't.

Are you going to a fancy store?

-No.

-A fancy par-tay?

-No.

-A hot fancy-pants date?

-No.

-Can I come? Can I come?

Can I come?

Can I come? Can I come?

No, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no.

Does that answer your questions?

All except for that last one.

No, you can't!

[breathing heavily]

If you must know, I am going to

be a featured soloist

for an impending

concert performance

with the famed

Bikini Bottom Men's Choir.

I'm hitting the big time,

not playtime.

Now if you'll excuse me...

Wow!

I may not be as good as you

and your buddies, Squidward,

but I too have a song

in my heart that I wanna share.

[clearing throat]

[forcing throat]

[coughs and wheezes]

♪ La ♪

[coughs and wheezes]

Au revoir, SpongeBob!

See you in the nosebleed seats.

Har-har-har-har!

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

-♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

-♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

-Huh?

-♪ Yodelay-hee-hoo ♪

I'm good enough to join

the Bikini Bottom Men's Chorus.

-I promise!

-Yuck!

Perhaps Squidward didn't see me.

♪ Figaro ♪

[clears throat]

♪ Figaro ♪

This giant pothole

ought to get his attention.

♪ Fi-gar-oooooooh ♪

Ugh! I think I hit

the wrong note back there.

What the...?

What a lucky break!

Now I have a c*ptive audience.

-[clears throat]

-[screams]

♪ Laaaa ♪

[screams]

♪ Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi

Mi-mi-miiii ♪

[clears throat]

[wails]

Squidward,

could you keep it down, please?

I'm trying to find my

starting pitch here.

-[screams]

-♪ Ah ♪

If that rank amateur SpongeBob

embarrasses me

in front of the Bikini Bottom

Choir men, my life is ruined!

[gasps] I'm almost late

for choir practice.

I'd better not run into

SpongeBob again or I'm doomed!

[chuckles]

♪ Figaro, Figaro, Figaro

Figaro ♪

Stop! Stop. Stop. Stop.

[screams]

I hereby issue you this ticket

for reckless frowning

and failing to

listen to my song.

What are you, some kinda...?

That's right.

I'm a singing traffic cop.

A singing traffic--

♪ O, sole mioooo ♪

SpongeBob,

I will be late to practice

with all of your tomfoolery

slowing me down.

It is a high honor to be chosen

for the Bikini Bottom

Men's Chorus.

And you are not going to keep me

from performing my grand solo.

[inhales]

♪ Figaro, Figaro, Figaro

Figaro ♪

♪ Figaro ♪

♪ Fi-ga-roooo... ♪

[voice echoing]

♪ Ohhhh... ♪

Just in time.

Gentlemen.

[all vocalizing scales]

[clears throat]

[continues clearing throat]

[sputtering and grumbling]

[inhales]

[all vocalizing scales]

[off-pitch] ♪ Laaaaaaaaaaaaaah ♪

[piano stops]

[in tune] ♪ Laaaaaaaaaaaaaah ♪

♪ Figaro ♪

♪ Figaro ♪

-♪ Fi-ga-rooooh ♪

-It's so beautiful!

♪ Ohhhh ♪

♪ Ahhhh... ♪

[sniffles] That's

the most wonderful singing

I've ever heard.

[sobs]

♪ Ahhhh ♪

[all cheering]

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Oh!

[cheering and applause]

-Hear, hear.

-Bravo.

Oh, Master SquarePants.

We would be honored if you

would take the open chair

as our featured soloist!

[chuckles] Well...

Mmm. Hmm. Ah. Mmm.

We would also be honored

if you would wear this.

[gasps] A moustache? For me?

Well?

Well, don't be shy. Put it on.

Squidward, look.

My very own

choir man's moustache.

[groans]

Well, will you do it?

[groaning]

I'll do it!

But only if you find a spot

for my inspiration

and great friend, Squidward.

Deal!

♪ Figarooooh ♪

♪ Figaro ♪

-♪ Fi-ga-rooooh ♪

-[cheering and applause]